Checkin' You Out at the Check-Out
by HadenXCharm
Summary: Unable to stand the thought of a life without Ichigo, Renji hangs onto the hope that they can get out of this horrible rut before it tears them apart. Meanwhile, Ikkaku, having never dated before, takes a chance and falls for a complete stranger in a check-out line. Unbeknownst to them, trouble is lurking just around the corner. (Human AU.)
1. Chapter 1

Ikkaku growled to himself as he looked around the 'planned parent-hood' aisle through the pregnancy tests, yeast-infection cures, condoms, and enough flavored lubrication to feed an impoverished country. _All _of them were items that most decent people would rather die than purchase in public.

Fucking Renji. Fucking Kurosaki. Fucking Renji and Kurosaki who were fucking each other and making him go buy fucking oversized-condoms and other nasty sexually-themed accessories and shit. Ikkaku needed to find some new friends, ones that didn't make him do solids like this.

Of course, Ikkaku was smart enough to do this while he was grocery shopping, since he'd obsessed over how to make such an embarrassing purchase for all of last night. He'd come up with a plan, which was basically to hide the condoms with a bunch of groceries.

At least then the embarrassment of buying condoms and lube in public would be minimized that way, and he wouldn't be _that_ guy that had just come into the store _only _for condoms. No, instead he could bury them at the bottom of his cart until it was time to check out, at which point he could stuff the box on the conveyor belt with a bunch of food. It was less conspicuous that way; he could act like the condoms hadn't been the entire point of coming to the grocery store. He planned to pretend to be preoccupied with something while the cashier scanned the rubbers, not wanting to make eye-contact or initiate conversation over something like that. He didn't want to have to say they weren't for him, because that would make him sound like a pervert, and a perverted _liar_ on top of it all.

Maybe he was overthinking this. Seriously, he was a grown-ass man, and was perfectly entitled to have condoms. No one was gonna' look at him funny, and if they did, then so what? Who gave a shit if he was having sex or not? He was allowed to have condoms if he wanted them, right? The condoms weren't even for him! God, why did he have to do this? He wanted out. He didn't want to be stared at or judged, and he fucking _wanted out._

Ikkaku wasn't a cowardly guy, not after the shit he'd gone through. He didn't get scared, and he certainly wasn't _scared_ to buy contraceptives. He wasn't afraid. However, he simply could not _stand_ awkwardness or embarrassment, and this was just one of those situations that he didn't want to be involved in. Ikkaku kept trying to tell himself that nothing bad was going to happen and that he could walk out of here unhumiliated, that he was getting all jittery over nothing, but this had consumed his mind for all of last night. It would be easy. He knew it would. He just had to walk in, shop for food, walk to the cash register, pay, and then leave. That's all he had to do… Simple. Five-step plan. That's all. That's _all._

…

Holy _crap,_ was he nervous.

Ikkaku grabbed the thrice damned box that was causing him so much upset, chucking it in his cart with a scowl. This was all Renji's fault. Ikkaku would get him back for this. "You are gonna' pay, Abarai. Your ass is mine," he growled to himself, jumping slightly when he heard a small mortified gasp from his left.

He turned red when he realized that there was a woman and her child standing in the cosmetics aisle just next to him. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him hucking the huge box in his cart, and accompanied with those words... _Shit!_ He already looked pretty intimidating as it was, what with his baggy hoodie, eye tattoos, and his thousand-watt scowl, and now on top of it, he had just grabbed condoms and said... Aw fuck.

In the past, Ikkaku had taken pride in his intimidation factor, and had appreciated both his scowl and murderous grin. Now, however, he always seemed to be reminded of how much he scared people, particularly kids and young women, and _fuck_, that just killed him inside. The look on her face... '_Nooo...'_ he thought, cringing, waiting for the inevitable scream for help, or worse, the _crying_.

Ikkaku just watched helplessly as she simply grabbed her child's arm and hurried away, making him feel like he'd just drowned a kitten. Ikkaku put his head in his hands for a minute.

God damnit. He was _so_ gonna' kick Renji's ass later. He would pay for Ikkaku's humiliation.

He took his heavy bag off his shoulder and set it in the baby seat of the cart, coins clinking loudly when it was dropped. Taking a deep breath, his head down with a deep sense of disgrace, Ikkaku marched out of the pharmacy-section. He needed some fucking ice cream.

After approximately ten minutes of wandering around and filling his cart with freezer food, chips, beer, and cookies, he did the walk of shame towards one of the check-out aisles, slightly flustered about what was coming next. Oh, he was gonna' get Renji back for this big time, but how to do it? He had to make it painful, _extremely_ painful, if it was going to make up for this.

Maybe spike his food with tobasco, or dye his hair bright green, or _maybe_ somehow put a squirrel in his car. Or all of them, yes. Ikkaku's eyebrows dug down as he brooded.

While he plotted the demise of his closest friend, he chose an aisle, trying to calm himself down so that he didn't make an ass of himself when the moment came. He considered being spotted like that in front of a mother and her kid already pretty much the worst scenario, but he still had his dignity, and he didn't want to take any more shit, least of all from some cashier.

He only had to wait a few minutes for the line to disappear, so he took the opportunity to flick through a couple of magazines and pick a few packs of gum. It would be easier to be nonchalant about making the purchase if he could pretend to be preoccupied with reading or something. Apparently, he'd actually drifted off when he was just supposed to be pretending, because the next thing he knew, he was being sassed by a stranger: a store-employee.

"Sir, did you hear me? Are you deaf or just ugly?" came the cashier's snarky voice.

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched as he returned the tabloid magazine to the rack. That didn't make any fucking sense, but it was still an insult, plain and simple. This bitch was wearing on Ikkaku's last solitary nerve. "I don't think they pay you seven twenty-five an hour ta' talk back to me," he snapped.

"You weren't answering," said the voice in a mocking tone. "You'd think that without hair, you'd hear better."

_Fuck! _Ikkaku was _this_ close to putting whoever that voice belonged to in a choke-hold, no matter how sexy they sounded. God, if they'd known who he was, they never would've said shit to him; they would've been too busy crying in a corner.

But no, this shit for brains really had just gone there, gone _there._

Forget being called out for buying condoms; this was _serious_. They'd mentioned his hair - or his lack thereof, no big difference. _Enough_ with the hair jokes. Ikkaku had heard them all by this point, and it was seriously getting old. He'd heard everything from cue-ball, to dango, to stupid puns about using his head to tell fortunes, to warning him not to cause an eclipse, and _he'd_ \- _had - enough._

Mocking him, Ikkaku repeated his sentence starter with a grimace, "_You'd think_ that with snark like yours, you'd be in law school instead of working as a shitty cashier."

"Yes, my greatest failing in life has been serving you here rather than one day meeting you in a court of law. It would've been my pleasure to send you to prison, Sir," came the sarcastic retort less than a second later. Ugh! Ikkaku was _this close!_

_"_You'd better shut the hell up before I sic the manager on your ass." He started putting his stuff on the conveyor belt, feeling like he was trying to smuggle a bomb onto a plane when he put the condoms on there. Hopefully the cashier would just be professional and not mention them - probably not, now that he'd provoked him.

Ikkaku knew that this guy had no right to be such a smug rude bastard to him, not when he was in the customer service industry, but even so, now that Ikkaku had prodded him back instead of just letting it go, this guy had even more of an incentive to jab him further when he saw what Ikkaku was buying. Ikkaku was going to be teased, he was going to be looked at like he was a sicko, he was going to be _laughed_ at, all because he hadn't been able to keep his temper.

_Damnit, why hadn't he kept his mouth shut?!_

"Hmm." Ikkaku had to admit, that voice was pretty attractive, as voices go, even if what it said was annoying. It sounded like velvet, much too smooth, articulate, and sharp for him not to somehow love it just as much as he hated it. When Ikkaku looked up, the person it belonged to was even more attractive. This guy had _every _right to be a smug bastard when he looked like _that. _Oh, wow…

It was a guy, of course, but he was really beautiful, with soft eyes, nice clear skin, and jaw-length black hair. His uniform actually looked good on him too, which was a plus. Ikkaku had never had a word come to mind when he looked at someone, especially not the word 'beautiful', but he almost found it coming straight out of his lips. Oh, wow… _wow._

… _Maybe_ Ikkaku would forgive him for back-talking him.

"That wouldn't be so bad," the cashier mused, looking over in the direction Ikkaku assumed the manager was in. "I don't really like this job. Too many ugly rude people in a hurry. Besides, I find that customers are very cruel to male cashiers," the cashier said more good-naturedly, making conversation as he scanned the barcodes on his snacks. Just like that, the tense atmosphere dropped, and Ikkaku felt this tightness in his gut release. He scratched his head, remembering hearing something once about there being a stereotype about male cashiers being a lot slower than their female counterparts.

Ikkaku shrugged slightly, his eyes not moving off of the pretty guy's face. Wow, look at those eyelashes… Aw shit, he just couldn't stay mad at him.

"Eh, sounds like you can fend for yourself with a mouth like that. Your tongue's sharp." If it had been anyone else, Ikkaku probably would've hit them and then washed their mouth out with soap, especially for that 'bald' jab, but maybe... _maybe_ he'd let the guy live. It had seemed harmless enough, because their conversation was already headed in a better direction. At least they weren't threatening each other anymore.

The pretty guy stuck out his tongue at him with a coy grin. "Yep," Ikkaku said, as if he'd just proven that his tongue was in fact sharp. "If anyone messes with ya', you could just smack em' down real easy," he finished, realizing that he had been staring with his mouth open like some stupid fish… It was just… This guy frickin' had this _glow,_ and he really liked it. Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. His luck had always been weird like that. "But not _me,"_ Ikkaku then asserted, bolstering his chest a little.

"Yes," the man replied disinterestedly, asking for his ID to sell him his liquor. Ikkaku opened his wallet, and the man hummed in appreciation, mentioning that they were born in the same year, eyes flicking over it.

The sales clerk was really damn attractive now that Ikkaku was looking at him, seeming to grow more and more beautiful by the nanosecond. His name tag said 'Yumichika A.' in English letters, and below it, it was spelled out in kana and kanji. '_Ayasegawa Yumichika.'_

'_Hm. Pretty name.' _As Ikkaku raked the man with starry adoring eyes, the cashier paused in his work for a moment. Ikkaku's heart jumped, and he freaked out a little as he saw just what the guy had unearthed.

The cashier eyed his dreaded purchase: one extra large box of Trojan condoms and a few different kinds of lube. Aw shit. It was over. _It was all over._ Ikkaku had to become a citizen erased and leave the country. Name change and everything.

"Should I ask?" the pretty guy asked flatly, flicking his eyes up to look at his face, sounding bitter and maybe even _disappointed. _Ikkaku inwardly cringed, hardly able to meet Yumichika's eyes, getting flustered. This was what he had dreaded, that _look_, like Yumichika was thinking about how much of a pervert he was, and he _wasn't,_ damnit!

"Scan them. I need them," Ikkaku said shortly, avoiding eye-contact at all costs.

"You need extra-large? _Seriously?"_ Yumichika raised an eyebrow skeptically. Ikkaku choked on his own spit.

"You- You've got it wrong! They-" Ikkaku stuttered, cheeks turning red. He immediately began fidgeting and scuffing his toe on the ground. God fucking damnit, he hated blushing! Resorting to telling the truth rather than thinking up some ridiculous lie, he tried to control how high his voice had gotten for a moment. "They're not for me. They're for my friend," he said sincerely, practically begging Yumichika to believe him. Yumichika obviously didn't buy a word of it and gave him a bitter sly smirk.

_"Oh,_ so you're on the bottom bunk then, and your _bunkmate_ is extra-large. I've got it now-"

"_You jerk!_" Ikkaku shouted much too loudly, drawing attention to himself. He lowered his voice right away, shoulders hunching up around his ears as he got in the cashier's face. He snarled at Yumichika and his stupid bunk-bed joke about bottoming, hating how the guy just raised his eyebrow and how _hot_ he looked doing it. Resisting the urge to grab the guy's collar - only because he would've had a hard time stopping himself from punching him, or worse, _kissing _him - he continued in a low growl, "Okay, Punsie Mckale, who said I'm gay?"

"Well, you didn't say you _weren't_. I just have never heard of a straight man buying condoms for another man," Yumichika said stoically, bagging his items. "Unless you're in some weird fraternity."

"I guess… that's fair… enough," Ikkaku said slowly, narrowing his eyes, feeling like he'd been talked in a circle. He got an inkling that the guy had just twisted the conversation the way he'd wanted it to go… He _had_, hadn't he… Just to figure out whether or not he was gay?

Ikkaku assumed that it was kind of dangerous for a gay guy to make the first move on someone that they didn't know, because there was always that risk of being beaten up. Had Yumichika just gamed him? Was he _flirting_ with him?… There was a chance that the guy's attitude was _always_ flirty, but… Yumichika just might be flirting with him on _purpose…_ Maybe…

Ikkaku suddenly felt a whole different kind of embarrassed, but also really excited. This warm fluttering started up in his stomach, making him feel like both puking and smiling while grabbing his cheeks. Yumichika might _like_ him… like _that._

_Sweet!_

Of course, now Ikkaku felt more obligated to make Yumichika believe that this really had been for a stupid bet and that he was most definitely _not_ a pervert. "Anyway, they really are for my friend. I owed him a solid, and he took advantage ta' prank me. I know he didn't even need them - he just wanted to embarrass me for a bet. Either way, I'm glad I don't live with him and his boyfriend anymore."

"So you're _not_ planning on getting lucky, then?" Yumichika asked coyly, drumming his nails on the box before moving to bag them. Seeing the interest in Yumichika's smiling eyes, he felt a small flutter of courage, which gave him the boost he needed to do something super impulsive and risky in his book.

He wasn't a dating kind of guy, but ever since his big change, this was probably one of the biggest risks he could take, and he'd always been a sucker for a thrill.

Ikkaku spat out the words, surprisingly without stuttering or blushing, already relishing the way the heat rushed through him and his heart began pounding twice as fast. The left side of his chest itched and ached, just like it always did before a thunderstorm. "Maybe I'd be lucky if you'd go to dinner with me."

Yumichika blinked at him a few times, staring him down, searching his eyes for insincerity but finding none. Ikkaku didn't breathe, waiting for an answer anxiously, his tingling nerves making him restless.

Yumichika seemed flattered then, trying to maintain his aloof, uninterested attitude. He crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows with his eyes closed. "Alright. I'll go out on your ugly, stupid little date." Ikkaku grinned widely, the usual euphoria of a win giving him that same pleasant buzz, but Yumichika stopped him by pointing in his face warningly. "But you won't be getting lucky with me," he said sharply.

"Too late for that. I already _got_ lucky!" Ikkaku said, beaming. Yumichika gave him a surprised look for a moment, before melting into a smile, laughing a little at his oddly sweet enthusiasm.


	2. Chapter 2

Yumichika hummed as he tallied up the last few bits in Ikkaku's large grocery order: grapes, soda, headache medicine, popsicles, and a monkey-wrench. Ikkaku grinned as he watched him half-dance around to the music playing over the loudspeaker.

"Alright, Sir… That comes out to…" Yumichika grabbed the long trailing receipt and tore it off, handing it to Ikkaku. "Fifty-six, forty-two."

"Sheesh." Ikkaku sweat-dropped, both at the price, and being called 'Sir'. He opened his wallet, shelling out a fifty and picking out the rest in coins from his black bag. "Oh, and by the way… My name's Ikkaku, nice ta' meet you an' stuff." Getting called 'Sir' had reminded Ikkaku that he had literally gotten a dinner date without being on first-name basis, and was that sad or what?

Yumichika stared at him, obviously trying not to laugh. Ikkaku got flustered and yelled at him a little. What the hell was wrong with telling him his name? They'd only met a couple minutes ago, holy cow. "Geez, don't look at me like that! Just didn't want you to go on a date with someone that might be a serial killer. At least now the cops'll have a lead besides my face if I botch the job on you!"

Maybe telling Yumichika that he might kill him was a rather roundabout way of defense, but Ikkaku said some wacky shit when he was nervous. Was it so much to ask to want to hear Yumichika say his name out loud in that gorgeous voice of his?

"I saw your ID, Madarame Ikkaku." _Oooh_, yeah. Just like that. Ikkaku blinked dazedly, shaking off some of those tingles, realizing how carefully Yumichika had said that, as if he was testing how his name felt in his mouth. Ikkaku growled at him a little when he saw Yumichika give him a weird look, smiling like something was wrong with him.

"Yeah, yeah, just checking… Wait, you weren't just fucking with me, were you?" he asked, suddenly paranoid. There had to be a catch. His luck was always horribly sneaky like that. There was no way that Mr. Gorgeous was just going to come quietly without having his rights read. He had to be a hooker or a CIA agent or an alien, or _something._ Why would a guy like this want to go on a date with him? Ikkaku looked at him expectantly, scrutinizing him for a hint that he'd been bullshitting him this whole time. Yumichika looked a little horrified, putting a hand over his chest in mock-distress.

"Of course not. Why would I turn down free food?" He smiled at him slyly, and Ikkaku laughed a little, expression still a little shocked. Well, damn. He kind of liked that snotty attitude.

"Well geez, I know what _you're_ after, then," Ikkaku joked, although he didn't know if he minded if Yumichika was a gold-digger after all. He might start caring once he went flat-broke, but not before.

Yumichika seemed to want to assure him that he really was interested, but didn't want to look soft or sensitive, so he sniffed snootily and closed his eyes, crossing his arms. "I'm 'after' _genuineness._ I know that my time is valuable, and I wouldn't waste it going on dates with ugly idiots."

Something about that sentence struck Ikkaku as off, some little sign ringing in his ear telling him to pay attention because it had been important, that it had to do with that _catch_ he'd been so worried about.

But he'd never been known for his listening skills, had he?

"Tch', I know there's a compliment in there somewhere," Ikkaku mumbled, grabbing Yumichika's wrist, making him take the bag of change, and holy _crap_ was his skin soft. It took all of Ikkaku's self control not to let his grip slip down over Yumichika's wrist and close around his hand. Yumichika looked surprised at being touched and twitched a little.

Ikkaku jolted back when he realized that he hadn't let go, and that Yumichika looked near-alarmed. He supposed his hands must feel really rough by comparison; he shouldn't have touched him without asking, anyways. Geez, what a pushy moron he could be sometimes.

There hadn't been anyone waiting behind Ikkaku in line thus far, so when a group of trashy-looking young men approached the ringer, the noise level was very jarring. In fact, people around them were staring at them as if there was a neon sign above them that flashed 'Disturbance of the Peace'.

"-An' she was gettin' all worked up, so I slapped the bitch-" Cue some obnoxious laughter and a burp. Yumichika wrinkled his nose at them, opening the little ziplock bag with a flourish, swiftly beginning to count out the large amount of change in stoic silence and gloom, in sharp contrast with how he'd been dancing around a moment earlier. It was like his energy was being sapped or something. His eyes were dark and clouded by something that looked like grief.

Ikkaku stiffened up, turning towards them when he heard that little remark as if it was something to be proud of. Whenever he heard stuff like that, he just couldn't help himself but put his little niece or Rangiku in the situation, thinking of how violent he'd get if someone had treated _them_ like that. But really, if he thought of it that way, _every_ woman was someone's sister, daughter, friend, or whatever.

"_Pow! '_Ehh, oh my god, you hit me!' She's whinin', right? So I-"

Ikkaku grit his teeth. Oh, there would be _blood tonight_.

Yumichika looked a little surprised at how steamed he was getting, as if he'd expected Ikkaku to ignore them as well. He quickly muttered under his breath to just leave it, and Ikkaku obeyed, breathing out through his nose in ire. He knew how it was in the service industry. Customers could walk on you and do outrageous things, and if you gave them what they deserved, you'd be fired. Ikkaku suddenly felt really bad for female waitresses.

He grabbed a couple of plastic bags of his groceries and put them back in his cart, eager to get away from the loud idiots, even if it meant less time with his 'hot date'. At this rate, he was going to get Yumichika fired, so he needed to fuck off somewhere for a while.

"Hey, uhh... Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked warily, knowing that he had scored a date with him, but not really knowing what the boundaries of his request were. Besides that, he didn't want to say too much with those guys standing near him. He didn't want Yumichika to change his mind about seeing him because of some frat-house hoodrats calling him 'faggot' at work, because of _his _slip-up.

He knew that these were the type of guys to pounce on a weakness the moment they see it, and they'd eat Yumichika alive if they got the 'gay' vibe from him. These guys probably said 'fag' nonstop anyways, and there was no way in hell he was going to give them an opportunity to insult his date.

"Would it be alright if we doubled up? My uh... '_friend_'," he stressed to show that this was the friend that made him buy the condoms, "and his," here he widened his eyes and nodded to indicate that this was his other friend, which was his first friend's lover, "... Maybe they could come with us? If that's alright?" He knew that they had just met, and that it was kind of dangerous to go out with someone you knew nothing of, so he hoped that this arrangement would make Yumichika feel a bit safer, going with two other people.

"That sounds fine to me," Yumichika replied readily, not seeming to realize Ikkaku's hesitance to reveal too much in front of these thugs. Or maybe he was just that smooth as to not let it bother him and seamlessly play along with Ikkaku's little game. "What are their names?"

The group of men started to get restless due to the time it was taking for Yumichika to count the large amount of change, perhaps feeling that the time he was spending talking could be used to count faster. Nevertheless, they started to get rowdy, knocking shit onto the ground. Yumichika exhaled slowly to gather some patience, flicking his eyes up to Ikkaku as if to say, 'See what I have to deal with here?'

"Renji and Ichigo," Ikkaku said in answer to his previous query, leaning on the counter a little to get closer to Yumichika so he could speak in a lower voice. He put his hood up, not eager to draw any attention to himself from these guys. His fists were starting to clench up and that was _not_ a good sign. Fists had a tendency to _punch_ things.

The last thing he needed was to get into a fight at the grocery store and get kicked out like some delinquent. Yumichika would _never _wanna' see him if that happened, and he wanted to keep this date. Yumichika was funny and smart and smelled really nice, and he was probably really soft and maybe would even let him _kiss_ him, and Ikkaku did _not_ wanna' mess up a chance to find out if he was right.

Yumichika looked up in surprise at the name. "_Abarai_ Renji?"

"Yeah, the one with fire-truck red hair and all-over tattoos," Ikkaku replied, not that the description was really needed. Yumichika nodded with a smile. "You know 'im?"

"Yes, we're very good friends. I've known him a long time. He talks a lot about his 'senpai', and I assume he means you," Yumichika chatted amicably, still adding up change at lightning speed without losing count.

"Hm... That's weird... He talks about his senpai in fronta' me t-..." Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika, trailing off. "Oh, no way..."

"Small world," Yumichika said lightly.

"No, no, it's _luck._" Ikkaku suddenly grinned. Yumichika agreed with him easily, and then continued on.

"I know Ichigo too. I even lived with them both for a little while when I was going through a hard time. They're entertaining to say the least. Two of a kind." Ikkaku twitched a little uncomfortably, slitting his eyes sideways at the group of guys. Ikkaku wasn't scared of _shit_, but all the same, he didn't want them hearing anything about their 'tendencies' - not for his sake, but for Yumichika's. It'd be like leading wolves to fresh meat. Only thing to do was throw them off the scent and come back later.

"Uhh, yeah, hey, do you think it's a good idea to use the Coinstar machine here? How much is the fine?"

"Not much," Yumichika said, a little unnerved at the abrupt change in subject, but not enough to break his flow. Yumichika was keen to his games, and Ikkaku liked it. "I've used it for eighty dollars in change and only paid about five dollars."

"Oh, that's not so bad." Ikkaku picked up his big black bag and let it fall heavily back into the baby seat, revealing how much change he was carrying by the clinking noise. "I got this full a' coins n' stuff. I didn't bring all a' my returnables but, I just- Ya' know, is it worth it ta'... go here instead a' the bank-"

Yumichika stacked up the nickels in little piles to represent dollars. Ikkaku grimaced - he should have grabbed a bag with quarters, and this could all have been over quicker. Yumichika's hands were really... He liked watching them. They were really graceful and smooth, with long thin fingers. They'd probably feel really nice between his own.

By this time, Yumichika had finished counting everything up. "No, I understood what you meant. Here you go." Yumichika returned the bit of change Ikkaku was owed and slid him his receipt back a second time, making doubly sure that he took it.

Ikkaku held it up to check that the items on the list were all correct, and noticed a little heart down by some cursive-style numbers, a _phone number_. There was a little heart next to it and a message that said 'I was lying, You're very handsome.'

Ikkaku blushed, scratching at the back of his neck a little with a smile, unable to look up and check Yumichika's expression, but keenly aware of the violet eyes crawling all over him. Yumichika thought he was handsome?... No one had ever told him that before.

He was never throwing this receipt away.

Ikkaku moved down to the bagging area so that the guys could have the register. He started filling up his cart with the rest of his bags. Now that he and Yumichika weren't talking, the men's noisy conversation was back in his realm of perception. Oh god, and the fists were starting to clench up again.

One of the men - wearing particularly saggy pants and a dirty white tanktop underneath one of those overlarge-furlined jackets - was telling a story much too loudly.

"-started screamin' about callin' the police, an' so I was like, 'go ahead n' call the cops, they can't unrape you!'"

Yumichika jolted a little, putting a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in horror when the man started going into detail over his story. He quickly recovered and seemed to wrestle his feelings beneath the surface, because he had a carefully blank face as he started scanning one of the more respectful men's party supplies.

Ikkaku stiffened up and got upset, unable to keep his shit-talk to himself, because he knew people that had actually had that happen to them, and it was _not_ a joking matter. He truly believed that to be the worst crime, even worse than murder.

"Yeah, but maybe they'd get there in time to un-castrate _you_, you piece a' shit."

He hoped that this misogynist's victims all had beefy friends, brothers, or dads that could beat this guy into pulp-free orange juice.

He could feel eyes on him now, from the other cashiers, from Yumichika, from other shoppers, but he didn't really feel embarrassed. They weren't looking at him with disapproval, however, even though he had sworn out loud like that. They all just seemed surprised that he had challenged this guy that everyone was trying to ignore.

The guy turned and looked at him incredulously, seeming to be one of those people who had probably never heard the word 'no' in his childhood, and who definitely hadn't been challenged before in his adulthood. Yumichika, having gotten over his shocked admiration, bit his lip to hold in his laughter, scanning the men's multiple cigarette cases.

Ikkaku tried not to smirk. Okay, maybe this whole stand-off now had something to do with impressing his date. No backing out now. He'd show Yumichika who's the man, and he'd show _this_ punk-ass loser too. He'd taken enough shit today and he was one hundred percent done just suffering through it. This would be highly satisfying, and Ikkaku already was taking some sick pleasure from seeing how taken aback the man looked. He was trying to seem all gangster, but Ikkaku, someone who knew about that kind of life a lot better than this little bitch, saw straight through it to the rich boy whose only substance was money and shittalk.

Ikkaku had his serious-face going, the death glare that had made men quiver not so very long ago. Nothing could break his gaze or get him to crack a grin, but he was getting close. Probably the one thing that could've made this situation ridiculous enough that Ikkaku might laugh would be if the guy's over large pants falling the rest of the way off of his ass. Whatever - almost all of his neon colored boxers were already visible; the only thing the thug would've had to be embarrassed about were his skinny-ass-chicken legs, and they _had_ to be skinny. Ikkaku could see the guy's ribs from the low-hanging collar of his tank-top.

Finally the dude recovered, a nasty scowl working its way over his face, and Ikkaku's glare deepened in return, gritting his teeth in a clear challenge to either back down or come get some.

His friends were all 'Oh'-ing, and saying 'burn' and hissing like fucking snakes, none of them really offended on their 'bro's' behalf. Ikkaku just crossed his arms, staring the guy down, _daring_ him to do something so he could punch the dirt off of him.

Yumichika watched him with interest as he scanned the rest of the men's items, took money from one of the less rowdy ones, and asked for their IDs so he could sell them their beer and cigarettes.

"You talkin' pretty big, huh cueball?" Ikkaku guessed that this guy was one of those suburbaner's children who liked to act like they were from the 'hood', one of those white boys who listened to rap so they could vicariously live the thug lifestyle that they obviously knew _so_ much about. Basically a complete punk who couldn't back up his shit-talk with anything but money.

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched at the jab, but he kept his cool, knowing that he easily could turn into the culprit of all this. He didn't need any more run-ins with the law, not after he'd just settled everything down. Even so, he knew that he was easily profiled as a trouble-maker. After all, he had tattoos and looked somewhat like a punk himself. This could all be blamed on him, and he didn't doubt the guy's acting skills. How else would the man have BS-ed his parents into not cutting him off?

"I can talk just as big as you, but at least I can back it up," Ikkaku said, gesturing to his gang of hoodlums. "What, how many people do you need to help you handle one guy who back-sassed ya'? Oh no, wait, I've got it. You probably need your _mom_ here in case I make ya' shit yer' pants-"

Yumichika covered his mouth and turned away, half bending over from trying to hold it in. A couple of the guys friends did the same thing, desperate to keep from laughing. Some of them didn't give a fuck and just laughed out loud.

"He's tearin' you up, man-"

"Oh snap!"

The guy was getting frustrated, Ikkaku could tell, because he set his jaw, and started doing that stupid thug swagger towards him, holding his arms out like he was saying 'do something'. Ikkaku's serious-face was once again threatened as he suddenly imagined some sort of demented penguin, flapping its idiotic flippers at him, trying to look intimidating. _'Shit, don't smile, don't laugh.'_

"Do somethin'." Yep, here we go. "Ya' talk'n' so tough."

"I talk tough cuz' I can back it up, I said." Ikkaku just rolled his eyes, holding his arms out as if to say he didn't have a gun or a switch blade and that it should be easy for this guy to just punch him. Of course, that didn't mean he had a real chance; this guy knew nothing about Ikkaku's background or how sadly outranked he was in any kind of fight. As much as Ikkaku had been itching to crack his knuckles by using someone else's face, he knew that his new lifestyle wasn't compatible with those types of rowdy situations anymore. New man. He was a new man, and he didn't want trouble. That didn't mean he'd walk away from trouble if it found him first, but he wasn't gonna' throw the first blow. To his relief, he could see Yumichika clicking a button under the counter-top to get the manager's attention. This would be out of his hands soon.

"_Do_ somethin'!"

"Hey man, I'm right here. _You_ do something. I'm one guy, c'mon." Ikkaku twisted his head to the side and pointed at his cheek, as if he was waiting for a kiss instead of a punch. "Right here, c'mon... No?"

"You ain' worth it."

"I thought so." Ikkaku put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone, looking away to lure the slimeball out. The guy clenched his fists and suddenly threw a sucker punch, which Ikkaku easily ducked, letting the guy nearly fall over from overshooting. He kicked him in the back of the thigh, hard enough that the nerve seized and went dead for a moment, causing the poor fool to crumple to the ground in a way that made Ikkaku embarrassed on his behalf.

Geez. That had been pitifully easy.

"Pssh. Coward." Ikkaku stood there looking at him for a couple of seconds with a sort of pity.

He didn't know why he'd even done that; it wasn't like he'd really expected the guy to be able to put up any real fight. Well, people on this side of the law don't tend to fight as well as anyone on his level. Story of Ikkaku's life. Start fresh, lose the bad, but a lot of the good too.

Yumichika's mouth hung open for a second, before shutting. After blinking away his surprise, he fanned himself a couples times jokingly.

Ikkaku grinned then at Yumichika's little swoon. Yeah, there was still some good to be had from a quiet simple life.

Ikkaku had felt lost and confused for a while now, ever since he'd made his change. He'd been better than he was, now that all that crap was out of his life, but with it, he'd lost part of his identity, a certain sense of self that he'd been searching for ever since. It was almost like if he had no one to fight, he didn't know who he was, didn't know how to live. He'd really wanted this for himself, and had known he'd had to do it, but sometimes his psyche ached for a thrill and his body howled for the adrenaline rushes it had become accustomed to.

Yumichika, though... had his heart fluttering for a whole different reason, and Ikkaku suddenly saw an open door, a way out of the dark room where he was picking at his own skin and dreaming of prowling the streets, dreaming of easy money and violence, dreaming of fast-paced hot-blooded _life_ just pounding within him. The idea of a kiss gave him that same rush, along with this other feeling... of... he didn't quite know yet. Belonging? Self-pride? Maybe comfort, or...

Motivation. That was it. When Yumichika looked at him and didn't see who he'd been, when Yumichika was clearly liking him how he was, it gave Ikkaku this drive to impress him, to be his absolute best. Sometimes you just need another person to have the guts to improve yourself, for their sake over yours. It'd give you the strength not to go back to your old habits.

Hell, he'd wanted a new life. Maybe this new life could have a boyfriend in it, and matching pillow covers, and a picket fence, not that apartments could have those. Ikkaku stared back down at the guy floundering on the ground, holding his hamstring like an idiot. Huh. It seemed like he always had these revelations at the weirdest times, due to the weirdest people. He blinked, coming back into the moment, flicking his eyes away from Yumichika's lips, which he realized he'd become fixated on.

Ikkaku grimaced as he realized people were still watching them. Other shoppers were openly staring, wide-eyed and whispering. Other cashiers were flicking glances to Yumichika, who made a discreet signal that he'd already called for security. The guy's friends just stood there looking a little embarrassed as their ringleader peeled himself off the ground, sputtering and cursing up a storm.

Just in time for the manager to arrive.

"Okay, all of you, _out,_ right now," said the woman in a brisk, firm tone. Her hair was in a bun and she held a clipboard. Ikkaku thought she looked kind of like a librarian, and he was _very_ surprised that she wasn't intimidated by him or any of the rowdy men. She was accompanied by the assistant manager, which was a burly guy who looked like a stereotypical bouncer. However, the guy was hanging back and letting her handle it on her own, completely unneeded. Ikkaku immediately liked her.

"Go, get out. _Go on_," she said pointedly, gesturing them out. Yumichika practically threw the receipt at one of the guy's with particularly saggy pants, who'd been trying to flirt with him.

They started to shuffle out, except for the guy Ikkaku had made a fool of, who tried to get at him again. Immediately, the bouncer guy with the bulging muscles grabbed him.

"Yeah, You see me in the streets! _You see me in the streets wit' dat'_!" Ikkaku sneered at him. Oh, if this guy only knew who he was. He was _lucky_ he hadn't seen Ikkaku in his streets.

"Now yer' tough, huh? With someone holdin' you back?" Ikkaku said knowingly, raising an eyebrow, a nerve twitching in his forehead

"You an' yer' little bitch fag have a good time bu-" The bouncer covered his mouth and wrestled him out the automatic doors. Yumichika visibly bristled, and Ikkaku gave him an apologetic wince. A few of the shoppers who were observing the confrontation were muttering something about disgraceful displays and young people having no respect.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to Yumichika, about to ask if he was okay and say that he was so so sorry that he'd had to see that. Suddenly, a snapping noise came from his right, and he glared in that direction, baring his teeth. He eased back when he saw it was the manager-lady. She looked at him sternly and pointed to the door. Geez, she didn't have to act like he was a dog. Who _snaps_ at people? Then again, he wouldn't have begrudged her doing it to those punks, and she thought he was one of them, so the point was moot.

"All of you. You too. Go."

Before Ikkaku could grit out that he hadn't done _shit_ and that he'd just been minding his own goddamn business, trying to get some shopping done, he was cut off again. How he hated to be interrupted, but he couldn't hold it against _Yumichika_, who as far as he yet knew, could do no wrong. Yumichika leapt to explain that he hadn't been part of the disruption, and Ikkaku just shut up, not wanting to cause trouble between Yumichika and his supervisor.

"Ms. Ise, please, honestly, he'd not a hooligan. You know how ugly I find them-"

She grimaced a little but conceded to let Ikkaku stay. After she left, Ikkaku and Yumichika turned to see the bouncer guy come back into the store, thug-less. They looked at each other for a minute and then burst out giggling like little kids. Yumichika half-slumped onto the counter and Ikkaku let his head roll back as they laughed about the guy's misfortune.

"Oh my god," Yumichika gasped after a few moments, recovering somewhat and beginning to scan the items of a young woman with a baby carrier on her back and a toddler in the cart-seat. Ikkaku's laughter ceased as he gazed at Yumichika's face. What a nice smile...

"I think you're the one with the sharp tongue... That was really brave." Yumichika looked over at him, and there was a glint of visible attraction in his eye now.

Ikkaku's smile grew again, putting some of the woman's stuff in plastic bags for Yumichika so he could stick around and talk to him. "I can't stand a fake-" he cut himself off, looking at the little kids. Right, right, he was trying to be non-scary and g-rated now. New life, new man. "I can't stand when people's mouths are bigger than their fists," Ikkaku amended. Yumichika nodded at him, smiling a little.

"You handled that beautifully. I think I like you." He smiled wider, but then narrowed his eyes at him. "I think you've made enough of a spectacle, though. You should move off," Yumichika said pointedly, spinning the bagger to make more room, playfully whacking Ikkaku in the stomach with it. The woman smiled at them, being one of the people who had seen the whole fight, but had been lingering back to avoid getting her children injured.

"Go, you filthy hooligan, you," Yumichika swatted him a little and pointed over to the coin machine. Ikkaku stuck his tongue out at him and moved over to the Coinstar with his cart, opening his coin bag.

He stared at the screen dazedly for a moment, letting all that sink in, and then he fistpumped to himself, biting his lower lip with a grin. Ikkaku pulled his hood up further as he scanned over the directions on the machine, really just reeling inside that he'd scored such an awesome date. He hadn't fucked up or stuttered or anything, nothing embarrassing had happened, and the guy was seriously _perfect_ if things were going to continue on like this. Ikkaku couldn't believe Yumichika had said yes!

'_Luck-Luck, Lucky~'_

Even the snark in Yumichika's voice just endeared him to Ikkaku. Ikkaku's best personal relationships functioned on bickering, with healthy friction - look at Ichigo and Renji for example, not to mention Kenpachi. Yumichika would fit right into that dynamic, but was still sweet enough to be his lover. He was really excited for this date, feeling that floating sensation of finding new love. The pleasant buzz had him scratching at his chest absently, following the trail of raised flesh from his shoulder to his hip.

He began humming as he started dumping his numerous bags of change onto the metal tray, lifting it up cautiously to watch it slide down into the machine. He heard some clinking, banging, and then a _click_ as each coin went through some sort of receiver, at which point the amount would show up on the screen. He didn't trust this machine to count his money correctly, so he tried to estimate what he'd put in and compare it to what it _said_ he'd put in. Speaking of a complete scam, it was time to rain on his bastard of a friend's parade. His little attempt at ruining Ikkaku's day had _failed._

Ikkaku had taken out his phone by this time and was holding it between his shoulder and ear, pouring the money in slowly like the machine said to. He smirked as he head the dial-tone, wondering how disappointed Abarai would be when he heard his prank had back-fired. Ikkaku _definitely_ hadn't anticipated his condom-trip going this well. He almost felt like thanking the idiot for making him do this, because if he hadn't, he probably never would've gotten that date.

"Yeah? Renji?" Renji picked up, and his voice was steady - _good sign. _That meant that he and Ichigo probably weren't getting hanky-panky while they were on the phone. It hadn't happened since high school, and it had only been one time, but Ikkaku still hadn't forgiven them. By the time he'd figured out what was going on, he'd been completely grossed out.

"Do me a solid... You owe me now. I got yer'," he paused and picked through the cart to look for Renji's sick shit. "Trojan, extra-large, extra-strength, ribbed, pre-lubed, bla-bla-bla. Oh _gross_, these are pleasure-mesh... huh?"

Renji said something, something he did _not_ want to hear.

He blinked. Oh _hell_ no. "The freakin' frack, I can't frickin' believe- Ugh, you did _not_ say Magnum... _No, you didn't! You did not! I wrote it down and everything, you liar!..._ Well, maybe I misheard, but too bad. The bet still counts. I bought the things, so you're taking the freaking Trojan ones. I'm not going through that again... _I said, too bad!"_

Ikkaku rested his forehead on the screen of the Coinstar, eyes closing in exasperation. "I really don't care if they make you sore, man. I got your lube, it doesn't-" At that point, Ikkaku decided that he was _not_ going to have this perverted conversation, and snapped.

"_You know what, I'm sick of this __sh_-" He grew really red in the face as he held his breath and then exhaled slowly, really angry. "Urrrgh, I'm so freakin' mad at you, and I can't swear in the store anymore, you jerk-face... No, I got into a fight... No... _No_."

Renji babbled more nonsense at him. Ikkaku furrowed his brow, not wanting to hear about Renji's predicament anymore, because he'd gotten the condoms for him already and his pride would only allow for so much. Renji should just get his fucking status already and then _forgo_ a condom. He and Ichigo had been together for ages and it was about time he got serious.

"No, no, just shut up- Listen to me now, just stop being a baby, and go to the clinic to get checked, and then you won't need the rubbers anyway. Don't think that I don't know that you didn't need them in the first place, you just wanted to embarrass me... Hey- Hey, just do it... _No, _hey, you'd better frickin' do it, or I'm gonna' tell Ichigo about this little incident... Heh, yeah, _now_ you wanna'-" Ikkaku paused when Renji begrudgingly asked him about the clinic; he nodded, satisfied that he'd gotten through to him. "Dude, it's free, don't worry. Just go to the public one... Yeah... Next to... Yup, that's the one."

He sighed a little, shaking his head. His kouhai could be a real handful. "I hate you, man..." He laughed a little at Renji's response. "After all the hell you just caused me, you owe me a solid, an' I'm cashin' it in right now... Mhm... Oh, nothin' bad," he said somewhat innocently to build suspense, before casually slipping in, "I got a date..."

Ikkaku furrowed his brow in confusion. "What? Why are you laughi-" He took a breath, rage flaring immediately at the sound of the loud obnoxious laughter in his ear. "_You son of a-"_ Mouth working uselessly as he tried not to swear or spontaneously combust, Ikkaku finally just let out a frustrated shout, "GAH-!"

He paced a little, realizing that people were staring at him. Damn, Ikkaku, always making a scene. He pouted, shoving more coins into the machine, waving Yumichika away when he looked at him with concern. It looked like he certainly still had a long ways to go when it came to controlling his temper.

He lowered his voice and turned up the volume on his phone. "Don't freaking laugh at me. _Yes, _I have a date, an' they're real good looking too... Listen, I don't want it gettin' messed up, so you an' Ichi-" Ikkaku had had quite enough of trying to talk over Renji's laughter at that point, and said seriously, "Renji, I swear if you don't stop laughing and take me seriously, I'm gonna' choke you next time I see you... _Renji._" Sadly, Ikkaku's little intimidation act didn't work on Renji, who had known him for so long that it no longer affected him.

Ikkaku sighed deeply at the laughter still being howled in his ear and then jumped a little as he heard a loud shout in the background. He could distantly hear Ichigo telling Renji to shut the hell up with many colorful cuss words following and a threat of no TV for a week. Predictably, Renji shut up immediately. "Is that Ichigo? Give him the phone- No, you had your chance, I'm done with you. I wanna' talk to Ichigo."

Not nearly close to being done dumping all his change in the machine, Ikkaku picked up the pace and dumped in two plastic bags at once, waiting for Ichigo to pick up. "Hey... Yeah... I just want you ta' get Renji to go on a double-date with me an' my date." Prepared this time, Ikkaku grit out, "Dude, I swear if you laugh, I'll kill you... Okay, okay, just checking..." He rubbed at his forehead in exhaustion, grimacing when Ichigo went back with a 'wait, wait, wait, a _date?'_ "Yeah, I have a date... Yeah, they're good looking," he said slowly, not seeing where this was going.

"No, they're not homeless... Or desperate... Why is that hard to believe?" Ikkaku growled in frustration. "So what if I don't date? I'm dating _now_."

He was getting impatient with the interrogation. "Dude, just-" Ichigo made another skeptical comment, and Ikkaku resorted to begging. "C'mon, just do this for me?... Okay... Yeah, tonight... Oh, don't worry, it's not something sappy or anything. I just wanna' go play laser-tag or something, because... Yeah, I know you're gonna' beat us," Ikkaku said with an eyeroll, getting side-tracked. "I'm just sayin' a movie's a horrible first date, so I'm warning you not to let Renji try to convince you to go to the cinema for that new sci-fi movie."

Ikkaku nodded, feeling his irritation at Renji having riled him up ease slightly. "Yeah... Okay."

Ichigo was a lot easier to deal with than Renji. While it wasn't good in every situation that Ichigo took everything seriously, it was good in this one, because Renji was pretty much the opposite. Honestly, sometimes Ikkaku forgot that Abarai was a grown-ass man. The sad thing was that Ikkaku knew it was a front for emotional-turmoil. There was something going on with Renji that he needed to hear about. He knew that his relationship with Ichigo was becoming strained, but if it was getting that bad that Renji was acting like that, then they needed to go out for a drink and talk it over or something soon.

He shook his head and tuned back in to what Ichigo was saying. God knew that kid's temper blew quick if he caught people ignoring what he was saying.

"Yeah... Yeah, and food after... Yes... Yeah... I know... Yeah, it's my fault he's pouting. Don't ask why, he can tell you himself. Mhm..." Apparently Renji had been distracting Ichigo from his studies for the past hour and now he was quietly sulking in the living room, thanks to whatever Ikkaku had said. "Yeah, you're welcome, just come on the date and you won't owe me anymore... Yep... Thank you... Yeah, bye."

Ikkaku hung up, grinning. This all had gone infinitely better than he could have planned. Only thing left to stress about was getting through this date without anything going wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

When Yumichika insisted on driving himself to their date location, Ikkaku sincerely hoped that he hadn't taken that little comment about killing him to heart. He wanted Yumichika to feel safe with him, even if Yumichika technically shouldn't. Well, that was just more motivation to prove himself worthy of Yumichika's trust. He'd be a perfect gentleman.

That might be a touch optimistic, but Ikkaku would try his best.

Even so, hearing that Yumichika didn't want Ikkaku to come pick him up like people usually would for a date - or an old-fashioned date, which was what Ikkaku was judging by, since he knew no other way than what he'd seen on television - it kinda' stung. He didn't want to make Yumichika feel like he obviously made a lot of people feel, like that lady in the store who had thought he was some kind of predator and had taken her child away from him. No, he wanted Yumichika to feel safe being driven around by him, being taken home at night by him, being alone with him. He wanted Yumichika to know that he would be protected _by_ him, and not from him.

Ikkaku supposed that he shouldn't take offense. He didn't like the idea of Yumichika getting in the car with any other stranger, so he couldn't make himself a special case. It was probably just the fact that Yumichika was smart and that he valued his own life, seeing as Ikkaku was bigger than him and could overpower him easily - and Ikkaku knew that fact even better than Yumichika did. It made sense for Yumichika to be cautious, and Ikkaku supposed he was glad that he was. They had only met that morning after all, and although Yumichika had seen ID to verify that that was his real name - even though they had two mutual friends, they really were little more than perfect strangers.

Perfect strangers that had crushes on each other, maybe. Somehow that made everything different, and it did, because nothing makes fools like love.

Either way, at least now Ikkaku had been able to come on his motorcycle instead of having to borrow Rangiku's bug on a favor. She had fuckin' laughed at him too.

So Ikkaku, having driven here by himself with a conflicted sense of disappointment and eagerness, waited outside in front of the 'kiddie-casino'. It would've been an appropriate time to take a smoke, or text, but he didn't smoke and his only real friends were getting here soon anyway. When Yumichika pulled up, Ikkaku grinned and tapped his foot to burn off some nervous energy. He held the door open for his date, who had dressed in a black jacket, a striped t-shirt, and dark jeans.

Yumichika smiled at him and passed into the building, and Ikkaku got a little whiff of Yumichika's cologne. '_... Ohhhh.' _Ikkaku was seized by the desire to press his face against Yumichika's neck and just breathe the sweeter air for the rest of his life. So yeah, his potential boyfriend smelled like heaven, sounded like an angel, and looked like the love child of Aphrodite and Adonis.

Not to mention that Yumichika didn't seem frightened of him in the least, provoking him without fear, teasing and squabbling with him mercilessly. On top of that, he was smart and sweet and funny and just _everything_ Ikkaku was looking for, as far as he could tell. He could even overlook what Renji had unknowingly commented on as 'extreme vanity, an obsession with his appearance, and replacing morality with aesthetics'. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Hell, he didn't even have to cross it, he'd just jump right in the river.

He just... _really really_ wanted this. He wanted someone to fit into his life, and Yumichika met every criteria that he hadn't realized he'd had, not to mention exceeding many of them. He looked bomb, he would make good conversation, and he could withstand Ikkaku's extreme attitude and tendencies to get into rough situations.

Ikkaku had better not screw this up, especially not after being hit with such a stroke of luck as to get Yumichika's attention in the first place.

"You look nice," Yumichika commented, seeming sincere, even though Ikkaku hadn't changed out of the clothes he'd been in earlier. He was still wearing the big black hoodie that covered pretty much every attractive part of him, and some jeans with tears on the knees that were just beginning to show through. That wasn't even taking his combat boots into account, which admittedly may have been a bad idea.

Ikkaku wasn't well-versed in the art of dating; in fact he wasn't really versed at all. He'd still known enough to catch onto the fact that he should try to clean up somewhat, at least for their first date - which may just turn out to be their _only_ date, after all. He'd wanted to get all nice for Yumichika to give him another reason to want to keep seeing him, so he had taken a shower and done some push-ups, using his nice axe body-spray.

At the same time, Ikkaku also didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard - he didn't wanna' seem desperate, because he was. On top of that, he didn't want to put up a front that he couldn't maintain. Ikkaku was scrappy at the best of times, and he felt like putting on a dress-shirt for their first date would be like lying, because he probably wouldn't ever do it again. So, staying true to his comfort-seeking side, he'd just put on the same clothes again, even though they made him look out of shape.

That had been a bad idea, now that he thought on it. None of his muscles were visible from under that hoodie and it irritated him a little, because being lazy and overweight sadly was a deal-breaker for a lot of people. Renji had professed his senpai - which Ikkaku now knew was Yumichika - to be incredibly judgmental when it came to appearances, and if he looked chubby in any sense, Ikkaku may have dug his own grave. He should've gone with a muscle-tee.

Then again, judging by what Renji had said, Yumichika didn't even give the time of day to people he thought were ugly, so Ikkaku must have a real chance.

_And_ Yumichika had just said he looked nice. That couldn't have been a lie, right? Renji said Yumichika had been known to basically _slaughter_ stranger's looks right to their faces and didn't hold back on it at all, and yet he'd told Ikkaku - in his slobby day-clothes - that he looked _nice._

... No one had ever called him nice before... Well, that wasn't what Yumichika had said exactly, but still.

Ikkaku sweat-dropped and scratched at the back of his neck, cringing inwardly at the fuzzy feeling that gave him. Well, realistically he knew that maybe that had been sarcasm or a pity compliment, but still, it had felt good, since he didn't get compliments often - not on anything other than his skills in an unrelated area. Ikkaku grinned uncertainly. If Yumichika thought he looked nice like this, just wait till' he took his shirt off painting his apartment walls. That would hook him for_ sure_. Maybe Yumichika would start liking his personality on accident if he could get him to stick around for awhile to see him shirtless more.

Never mind that he didn't like taking his shirt off in front of people. He'd make an exception for Yumichika. Ikkaku just had to know; there was no other way. If Yumichika still wanted to date him after seeing, Ikkaku would know he'd found the one.

Ikkaku was overcome with the need to say something nice back to Yumichika, to make him feel as tingly and good inside as he had just done, but he didn't know what to say exactly, or how to get the words out. He was notorious for having difficulty being nice to people, no guesses as to why, considering that surliness and aggressiveness had been his go-to not so very long ago.

Emotions weren't his strong point, and he was keenly aware of that, so he tried to force out a compliment in return, meaning it wholeheartedly even if it sounded a little awkward. He was just _not good_ at flirting, and that was never gonna' change. "Eh, thanks, you do too... Really nice. Too pretty fer' a cashier. People'll start givin' ya' tips." Ikkaku shifted his weight, feeling a little nervous when his brain caught up with his mouth, because that had almost sounded like he'd just called Yumichika a hooker. Oh _god_, he was fucking everything up. This night was probably going to end with Yumichika splashing him with a drink and slapping him in the face.

His gut clenched up harshly as he waited for the inevitable 'what the fuck is that supposed to mean?' from his date, and it was _entirely_ warranted, which was why he feared it so much.

To his utter surprise, Yumichika just laughed a little, like he thought his awkwardness was endearing, thankfully unoffended. Ikkaku let out the breath he'd been holding, allowing the moment to pass.

"So, whaddya' think?" Ikkaku gestured to the place - grimy arcade machines, questionable-looking food counter, and rusting diner stools. Now that Ikkaku thought about it, this was kind of a gritty place, and Yumichika would be right to suspect some sort of serial killer action. Maybe he should've said 'fuck it' and just taken Yumichika to a nice restaurant like proper date-protocol dictated. It was too late now, and Ikkaku would just have to do damage-control. Shit. He was just no good at this. He'd just have to keep hoping that Yumichika was okay with that and would find his efforts charming.

"It's ugly," Yumichika said bluntly, sniffing, "and bratty children always congregate in these types of places." Ikkaku nodded, grimacing in a 'that's-fair' sort of way. He should've expected that.

"Damn, ya' hate it?" he asked sorrowfully, but Yumichika shook his head, saying that he'd give it a chance, because he'd heard the laser-tag floor was state-of-the-art.

"That's the _only_ reason I'm not asking why on earth you thought this was an acceptable place to bring me," Yumichika said flatly. "I'm here to shoot small children, and then you're going to take me out to eat, yes?"

"Yes," Ikkaku said quickly, wanting to pacify Yumichika's temper, even though that was pretty low-ranking irritation compared to some of the people he'd 'met'.

Yumichika's face relaxed into a smile, although he crossed his arms tightly, like he was afraid of catching a disease if he touched anything. "So is it true then? About the tag floor being five star?"

Ikkaku jumped to confirm that, hoping Yumichika would find this whole thing worth it by the time they left, that this would end up being a fond memory that set him apart from anyone else he'd dated, just like Ikkaku had been aiming for with this. "Yeah, it is. Professionals come here to play all the time. It really ticks the kids off, cuz' there's no way in hell they wanna' play against adults who do this religiously. Kids like winnin' an' shit." Ikkaku backed up in alarm as some children that came up to his belly-button raced past him, almost knocking themselves out by narrowly dodging a support beam. "Sheesh."

Yumichika laughed, saying that paintball players were similar in that regard. Ikkaku was glad to see that Yumichika didn't seem so grossed-out by their surroundings anymore. It wasn't really _that_ bad; it passed health-inspection at least. "Are the others already here?" Yumichika asked when the silence dragged on just a touch too long. Ikkaku was glad for the question, since he'd been puzzling over what he should say.

"I think they're almost here. We can just wait over at that table." Ikkaku pointed to the front of the room, near the counter-top where the kids could exchange tickets for toys.

Ikkaku pulled out a chair for Yumichika and pushed it in when he sat down. Yumichika looked at him a little strangely but didn't say anything as he laced his fingers and laid them on the tabletop. Ikkaku shoved the tin napkin-holder aside, along with the pepper and salt-shakers, jamming his elbows down on the painted-wood.

"You want some soda? I'll buy it," Ikkaku offered as he watched Yumichika watch some children play deer-shooting games and DDR. That was when it really hit him then that he shouldn't have brought Yumichika here. He should've picked a museum or a gallery-showing or something, even a night-club; _anything_ other than _this._ What had he been thinking? There was no way Yumichika would like fucking laser-tag, how old was he?!

Still, that line about Yumichika saying his time was valuable and that he didn't waste it lightly struck Ikkaku again. Yumichika had thought this was a time worth having, so all Ikkaku could do was try to make sure it _was_ worth his while.

It was just... Yumichika was _really_ pretty, and it was driving Ikkaku nuts, because he wasn't a gentleman and never had been and never would be, and he knew someone this beautiful and special _deserved_ a gentleman. If the place they were in and the things they were doing weren't good enough, then _Ikkaku_ had to be good enough, and how could he be? He had to clean up his act, get his shit together. New life, new man. He'd try. Fuck, he'd try for as long as Yumichika would let him.

"I'll get you anything you want," Ikkaku said with quiet sincerity, and maybe with a touch too much eagerness.

"Oh no, that's okay," Yumichika replied, with that typical air of politeness in his voice about not wanting to cause trouble or make anyone pay for him.

"Are you sure? It's no problem. I want to," Ikkaku assured, his eyes trying to send the message of _'let me do this for you.' _

"That's alright, I'll save my appetite for later," Yumichika said a little defensively and went quiet for a few moments. Ikkaku looked down at his hands, feeling like he'd failed at some kind of test somehow, but not knowing at what or when or _why._ He took a peek up at Yumichika, only to look away when he realized he'd been caught; strangely enough, Yumichika did the exact same thing, his gaze snapping across the room once Ikkaku had seen that he'd been watching him.

This repeated a few times, both of them trying to pretend that they weren't staring and then checking to see whether the _other_ was still watching, then looking away when they realized that they were.

Ikkaku felt like he was boiling inside, struggling to think of an appropriate topic of conversation. That trusty date-protocol he'd earlier ignored professed that he should ask about the other's job, but he already knew what Yumichika did and he didn't want Yumichika to ask what _he_ did. Maybe he could ask about school or family, or... Hm... Was Yumichika wearing mascara? No, it looked like his eyelashes were just that long, and they were really-

Shit, Yumichika was looking right at him now. Ikkaku startled slightly, but Yumichika finally said something, breaking the silence.

"I've never played laser-tag before," Yumichika said with an enthusiastic smile, dropping his quiet indecipherable mood. Ikkaku's chest tightened a little, heart feeling all warm and fuzzy again. He was really getting hooked on this guy's smile, and his voice was so smooth that it sounded like music in his ears. Yumichika probably sang like an angel.

"Oh no?" he answered, glad that the conversation had picked back up. He hated having to flail for something to say, and he was trying really hard to stay engaged, despite how closely he was watching Yumichika and his reactions. He couldn't have Yumichika thinking that he was talking to a brick wall.

Yumichika sounded excited to play laser-tag, even though it was his first time. This was _exactly_ what Ikkaku had hoped for, and he grinned widely, realizing that the risk of bringing Yumichika to this grungy place was totally going to be worth it. '_Score! I __knew that this would be a great first date idea.' _Something out of the ordinary like this would make it more likely for Yumichika to remember him differently than everyone else.

Yumichika shook his head in reply, saying that he was excited to try it. Ikkaku grinned back. "This'll be memorable then. I know that people usually see movies on their first date, but I never got that, because we're supposed ta' get ta' know each other, right? And we can't even talk while we're watching a movie... We can actually do something together this way," Ikkaku explained, suddenly realizing that he'd just said a bunch and probably sounded like a weirdo. "Uh, that... that's why I, uh, brought you here." He flailed for a moment to find something to say - there was a reason that he didn't date. He wasn't good at making conversation, and he had a hard time with saying certain things out loud. That stereotype of boys being mean to people they liked wasn't all a myth. It was pretty hard for Ikkaku to say nice things out loud, although with Yumichika, it probably wouldn't be so bad.

Yumichika nodded, commenting that that was a really smart idea, seeming to appreciate that Ikkaku had put thought into it. Ikkaku relaxed again. He should put a little more faith in Yumichika at this point in the game. He'd taken Yumichika - a high-maintenance guy - to a really shitty arcade crawling with kids, he'd dressed like a slob, and he'd near-insulted him, and still Yumichika hadn't left or made it seem like he wasn't enjoying himself. As pretty as he was, he was just a person, and Ikkaku tried to stop jumping to the worst conclusion.

Yumichika had come on the date and was _staying_ on the date, and he wouldn't have done that if he didn't like Ikkaku. There was no reason to be quite so nervous. Ikkaku kept that in mind, and let himself take a couple breaths.

"Renji and Ichigo are gonna' smoke us," he said with a grin, trying to feel at ease. As much as he knew that this was supposed to be fun, he couldn't help but feel like he was dangling over an abyss, because he was _really_ far out of his element here. "If ya' wanna' be on my team, that is. Ya' might have a chance if we split up." Yumichika grinned at him, and Ikkaku found that he couldn't take his eyes away from his face, his smile falling away slightly.

_'Beautiful...'_ Ikkaku thought dazedly, curling his toes inside his boots. '_I wonder if he'd let me kiss him. Is it too early to try on the first date?' _Of course, he was completely kidding himself, because he was _way_ too chicken to try to do something like that so soon. Even so, as he thought about how it might feel, he found that he couldn't stop staring at Yumichika's mouth. His lips were probably really soft. Then the lips moved, and Ikkaku realized that Yumichika was answering him and that he needed to pay attention.

"I'll be with you," Yumichika said with a grin that made Ikkaku's knees weak. Ikkaku smiled in return, gazing at him like an idiot. "I actually know someone else who plays laser-tag and paint-ball very well, and they've given me some advice on the latter-"

"Oh yeah? Who'zat?" Ikkaku asked. Yumichika looked caught off guard, as if he wasn't used to being sincerely listened to.

Ikkaku's smile dropped in concern, wondering what he'd said exactly to throw Yumichika that way. Had he screwed up again? Yumichika simply blinked a few times to recover from his shock, and then went to continue, somewhat hesitantly, "He-"

"Oh look, there they are," Ikkaku interrupted and pointed at the door, escaping a sticky topic without knowing it. Renji came in wearing one of his usual band t-shirts, a bandanna on his forehead, and Ichigo came in behind him, already yelling at him with a big scowl on his face, immediately attracting the attention of everybody in the whole lobby. Ikkaku thought he could hear him saying something about badly parking the car in two spots and possibly getting it towed while they were in here.

Renji's volume was considerably lower, not quite shouting, but he was still clearly audible to _everyone_, replying that for anyone else to park near him, they'd have to use two lanes as well, and then the tow truck wouldn't know who to tow. Ichigo argued that they still might pick his car anyways and that there would be no reason for anyone to park next to him if there were other empty spots in the parking lot.

Ikkaku waved to them to let them know where they were, and they came over, their harmless bickering ceasing.

"Osu," Ichigo greeted. Ikkaku nodded to him.

"Hey, Yumichika's here," Renji said in pleased surprise, causing Yumichika to smile back and wave. It having fully sunken in, Renji stopped dead, pointing at Yumichika and then looking up at Ikkaku, the magnitude of what was happening here hitting him full-speed. "Wait... You-"

Ichigo seemed to realize too, since his mouth opened and closed and opened again as he looked back and forth between the two of them a few times, like he was watching a tennis match. "You're... Uh... When you said you had a date..."

Renji was much less delicate with it and just blurted out, "Yumichika, you're dating this..." Renji gave an incredulous expression, searching for the words, "this... uh..."

"This _what?!" _Ikkaku snapped. "Is there a problem here?"

"No. Calm down," Yumichika said coolly, raising his eyebrows. Ikkaku just grumbled a little, putting his hood up and crossing his arms like a pouty kid. Yumichika smiled, nudging him under the table with his foot until he smiled a little too.

"Senpai's dating Senpai? How does that even-"Ichigo shoved a hand backwards into Renji's face to make him be quiet, then looking towards Ikkaku, whose eye was beginning to twitch. He liked his Renji _un-_mangled_,_ thank you very much.

"No, no problem here," Ichigo said hurriedly, dragging a chair backwards over to their table, plopping down in it with a leg on either side, arms propped up on the back of it. "Renji, go pay an' set up the match." He said it like he wanted Renji to go before he said something bad like '_Hey Yumichika, don't you have a boyfriend?'_

Luckily, Renji caught his meaning and handled it more discreetly. "On it, babe." Ikkaku, still in a sulk, watched as Renji ruffled Ichigo's hair and pecked his cheek before Ichigo could slap him away and grouch the typical answer of 'I'm not yer' babe.' Renji grinned in triumph, and then he pointed in Ikkaku's face with a cocky smirk. Ichigo just rolled his eyes as his boyfriend declared, "We're gonna' smoke you."

"I _know,_" Ikkaku said through gritted teeth, glaring at him, still pissed. He narrowed his eyes at Renji and the finger that was near his nose. Renji stared back for a second, before going to pay like Ichigo had asked. The silence that ensued was rather tense, with Ikkaku still brooding and Yumichika sitting quietly. Ichigo bit his lips and puffed out his cheeks for a couple seconds, looking between the two of them, trying to work out a way to start conversation without causing a blow-up from Ikkaku.

"So... How did you guys... Uh... I'm not saying I don't think you should go out, I just... never expected... _this,"_ Ichigo said awkwardly, stumbling on his sentences a little, giving Yumichika a significant look that required an explanation for what appeared to be blatant cheating. Yumichika's gaze hardened in response, and Ichigo realized he should be just as worried about Yumichika coming after him as he was about Ikkaku.

"What are you trying to say? Are you saying that I'm dating low?" Yumichika asked with eyes narrowed, silently threatening to gut Ichigo like a fish if he said anything about his significant other in front of Ikkaku. Ichigo shook his head wildly, realizing how much he wanted Yumichika to get away from the guy he was already seeing. Ikkaku was a _huge _step up, no matter how much he, well...

"No, no, no, it was just... surprising... ta' see _you _here with 'im," he finished awkwardly, glancing at Yumichika with unease.

Yumichika's gut clenched, knowing that Ichigo knew too much. So did Renji. They'd better not ruin this for him. Sure, it had been a split-second decision to give Ikkaku a chance, but he still didn't want Renji and Ichigo to blow his cover before he could see if he wanted to make a choice between Ikkaku and his boyfriend.

Thankfully, Ichigo didn't say anything about it just yet, and let the moment pass. "So... How did you two meet?"

"I got into a fight," Ikkaku said bluntly in reply, and Ichigo rolled his eyes with a harrowed sigh.

"Where?" he asked, since 'why' was a tired old question when it came to this. Every time it was the same reason - 'Because they were fucking with me' - and the only real change was the person and the location.

Ikkaku took a breath to answer, but then looked slightly embarrassed, which threw Ichigo off guard. "In the grocery store where he works... That sounds worse out loud..."

"Ya' think?" Ichigo said incredulously.

"Fuck off. No one was hurt. Anyways, I guess we just..." Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika for a minute, as if for guidance on what to say, "I dunno', somehow I got lucky."

"You have no idea," Yumichika muttered to Ichigo, who blinked for a second and then started laughing, permanent scowl melting away. Renji turned around from where he was standing in line to order the matches, grinning in wonder at what besides him could make Ichigo emit that high-pitched laugh. Ikkaku glared at the two of them.

"Yeah, yeah, alright," he grumbled as they laughed at him. He gently kicked at Yumichika's legs under the table, grimacing, and Yumichika got it under control. They smiled at each other, and Ichigo tried not to laugh more as he looked between the two of them.

"Yumichika, you let him take you _here?"_ Ichigo asked with another laugh, looking around. Yumichika made an expression like he couldn't understand it either. Ikkaku frowned a little in confusion until Ichigo clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Don't fuck this up any worse, Ikkaku."

Ikkaku was about to grab his t-shirt collar, but Ichigo stood up too quick, intending to go and look for Renji.

As if on cue, Renji shouted at them from across the room to come to the little black-walled room where the people playing the next laser-tag game wait. There were lots of gun holsters on the walls, and there were TV monitors on the top corners of the room with game names and scores.

"We've got only a little while to wait. Uh... standard rules, guys? Don't hit the little kids too hard and... uh... no loud cursing... and try not to stomp on anyone. Yeah," Renji finished lamely, plopping down next to Ichigo on the cushioned bench. He tried to bite his neck a little, but Ichigo shoved his face away, shouting at him that there were _kids_ here.

"Yeah," Renji whined as Ichigo slid away from him, "but there's none in this room yet!" Renji dove across the bench to nab his retreating boyfriend around the waist.

"Get off, you hooligan! _Ack-_ Stop it, let go of me!"

"Can it," Renji said with a shit-eating grin as Ichigo fought to get out of his arms, "I think you _like_ it. You're just embarrassed."

"Shut _up!"_

Ikkaku rolled his eyes at their continued bickering as he gingerly sat down near Yumichika, scooting a little closer. After a moment of hesitation and gathering his courage, he asked under his breath, "Is it okay if I put my arm 'round ya'?"

Geez, his heart was frickin' pounding like crazy, and the fear felt so horribly good. He wasn't good at this shit, but he knew well enough that he'd been kind of cranky earlier, and he didn't want to make Yumichika think that he didn't like him or something.

He'd just try to show Yumichika that even though he was an easily-angered guy, that it didn't mean he'd treat him bad. He'd be sweet on him and stuff, even if saying nice things was like pulling nails. Ikkaku figured it would get easier with time.

Yumichika had been staring straight ahead, patiently waiting for their turn to go into the laser-tag course, trying to tune out his friend's all too familiar yelling and wrestling. At Ikkaku's question, his gaze snapped to Ikkaku's face in near-alarm, but after a moment he nodded hesitantly, as if he wondered why on earth Ikkaku would want to do such a thing like putting his arm on him.

His heart slowed down a little, still thumping frantically by the standards that be, but he got that under control, swallowing hard with a smile. Ikkaku put a warm muscled arm around Yumichika's shoulders and pulled him in a little closer, getting comfortable on the bench as he propped his foot up on his other knee. Yumichika just looked at him blankly like he didn't understand what it was that they were doing. Ikkaku lazily traced circles on Yumichika's shoulder with his hand, leaning his head back against the wall, ignoring Renji and Ichigo's scuffling.

Yumichika seemed to finally realize that he was just being held, that Ikkaku was trying to cuddle him or something, so he hesitantly leaned his head very slightly on Ikkaku's shoulder, moving a tiny bit closer. Ikkaku didn't respond other than to tighten his hold on him and rub his shoulder a little more, smiling privately at the small victory. Yumichika gave a breathy sigh, relaxing from his stiff, awkward position, melting onto Ikkaku's warm hoodie.

By that point, the red-head and the redder-head had stopped arguing for a moment, turning their attention back to their friends. Renji just stared blankly, mouth ajar, like he hadn't noticed them snuggling until this moment and was enamored by it. Ichigo elbowed him sharply just as he'd been about to say something, causing him to double over with a gasp. "Hey, just tellin' ya', Yumichika..." Ichigo began, eyeing Renji sideways, who was now trying to get him to shut up by glaring at him. "Stop it, you baby," he said to Renji when the glare intensified. "We're gonna' win anyways, so stop pouting."

Ichigo pointedly ignored Renji then, who was sticking his tongue out at him. "I'm tryin' ta' give ya' a head start so ya' don't get _completely _slaughtered." Yumichika nodded that he was paying attention. "The green guns shoot at least twice as good as the blue ones do. So get a green one before this idiot tries ta' trick you."

Renji pouted and began whining loudly about Ichigo ruining his fun, until Ichigo grabbed his nipple through his shirt and twisted it. The red-head gave off a high-pitched yelp, jolting away. He then stared at Ichigo with wide eyes for a moment, before tackling him right onto the floor. Ikkaku snorted.

"You asshole! What happened to not doing shit out in the open!?"

"Get _offa' me_, there're kids here, what the hell are you doin'?"

Yumichika started laughing, putting a hand over his mouth. Renji scowled and dragged Ichigo up off the floor, practically chucking him back onto the bench. Ichigo landed heavily, winded, but smirked when he saw that Renji was blushing and pointedly looking away from him with his arms crossed. His shit-eating grin grew as he stuck out a foot and teasingly nudged Renji's butt a couple times, enough that it made Renji take a step forward because his balance was being threatened.

Renji ignored him for the most part other than deepening his scowl; apparently he didn't like it when the tables were turned when it came to embarrassing each other in public. He turned his anger on Yumichika, who was still fighting down giggles at Renji's blush. "Yeah, laugh it up, Yumichika. Just wait until we get started. You two are goin' down!"

Ikkaku didn't say a word, still just content to sit and hold his date against him. Yumichika, meanwhile, was now hiding his smile behind a hand, looking at Ichigo, who was grinning like the cat in the canary-catching scenario.

After a couple seconds, Renji kicked Ichigo in the leg, crossing his arms and sulking. Ichigo's brow twitched and he reached out, grabbing Renji by the back of his pants, dragging him down onto the bench near him. "Stop pouting!"

Renji continued to pout, making it more exaggerated just to spite his lover. "Fuck you, Ichigo."

"You and your face... You and your stuuupid face," Ichigo teased, pinching Renji's cheeks and pulling on them. Renji put up with it for all of two seconds, then placing a hand on Ichigo's head to try and shove him away. However, it didn't work, because Ichigo just hauled Renji with him, not releasing his tight grip on his cheek. Renji yelped in pain as his face was dragged forward.

"Ow, ow, ite-te-te-te!" Ichigo still didn't let go, even as Renji got the heel of his hand under his chin and pushed his face backwards, making him practically look at the ceiling.

"Have fun on your date with death," Ichigo quipped, grinning good-naturedly even with Renji crunching his nose back far enough that it was alarming. Yumichika was falling to pieces, trying really hard not to pee his pants from laughing. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and finally smiled at their antics. Ichigo snickered, finally letting go of his boyfriend's cheek-skin, laughing harder when Renji gave a dry-sob of pain, rubbing his poor face and retreating. Yumichika flopped against Ikkaku's side, trying to get air into his lungs. Ikkaku gazed at him with a smile and this look in his eyes that Ichigo had _never_ seen before.

Ichigo smiled a little. It was nice to see Ikkaku with someone.

* * *

Ikkaku had to admit that for a first-timer, Yumichika was really good at this. He wasn't petty enough to shoot at little kids or be goaded into chasing them, and he wasn't overly jumpy in the dark maze, which could make some feel claustrophobic. He had only needed the controls of his gun and vest explained one time, and he'd had it down pat, following Ikkaku silently and only shooting when he'd taken perfect aim, so that he only had to do so once.

He and Ikkaku ignored the kids running loose, who left them alone for the most part; before they'd gone in, they'd all told the kids that they were playing a game and that they promised not to shoot them if they'd return the favor. Once in a while a child would get over-excited and forget, but then they'd apologize and run off back to their friends, shooting each other. Ikkaku grinned when that happened, being purposefully spooky to any child who hit them on accident, but not mean in any sense. The little monsters here knew him pretty well, and most of them knew by now that he wasn't a threat.

The two of them were focused on their goal: they were out for blood, specifically from their two friends. Nobody else mattered.

Ikkaku had been a little worried that Yumichika might make beginner mistakes, but Yumichika crept along quietly and remembered which way they had come from without having to be told to do so. Maybe he had played paintball before with that person who'd given him advice, or maybe he was just particularly analytic. Either way, it was really _really_ attractive in Ikkaku's book that Yumichika was turning out to be a good comrade.

Yumichika kept close to Ikkaku, sometimes gripping the side of his hoodie to keep track of where the other man was in the dark. The only light provided was the glow of the guns, their bullet-vests, and the big splotches of the glow-in-the-dark stickers and painted footprints on the walls and floors respectively.

Renji and Ichigo had already gone and begun their little stake-out in some crevice of the maze that Ikkaku could never find. Ikkaku could hear distant shouts from the kids and little footsteps clunking along, but that was dimming as they walked along in the other direction. Psh, amateurs.

"Those two always hide in the same place," Ikkaku explained in a whisper as they came out of a twisted corridor into a little room with a window in it - the perfect place for sniping people who passed by outside. There weren't any glowing stickers inside, so the room was completely dark and wasn't easily visible from the outside hallway. "It's a room like this on the other half of the maze, but I can never find them."

"This is perfect, of course they'd always take the same place," Yumichika hissed back, easily gauging the perfect vantage point and crouching down beneath the window. Ikkaku grinned in appreciation for his date's sniping skills and the fact that he was enjoying himself enough that he was taking this seriously, rather than just trying to humor Ikkaku by suffering through it.

Ikkaku came a little closer to him, following the slight glow of Yumichika's laser gun and vest. "People don't usually find these rooms; there's only like three. We could talk for a while," he suggested, not sure if Yumichika was really comfortable with what he was asking.

Ikkaku had heard Yumichika when he'd said that he wasn't going to 'get lucky' with him, so he wasn't going to try to make a move - but Yumichika might think that that was his intention: to try to get him alone in this dark room so that he could try to make out with him, or worse, _assault_ him. It really hit Ikkaku then that it was very quiet and that no one would know what he did back here. Was Yumichika frightened right now? Was Yumichika frantically checking himself over for mace or preparing to scream? Ikkaku frowned, gut tightening up as he tried to seem as nonthreatening as he could.

"Okay," Yumichika agreed, not seeming to feel the same tension that Ikkaku did, or maybe he was just good enough not to show weakness. Damn, Ikkaku could never be sure with this guy. "While we wait for someone to pass by." He grinned devilishly and Ikkaku snickered a little, somewhat in relief. Devious little minx. He felt a surge of affection roll through him, probably getting some stupid dreamy look on his face.

"Yeah, when someone comes by, we'll smoke 'em. Renji'll come out first lookin' for us," Ikkaku informed, trying to keep his voice gentle, really not wanting Yumichika to be scared. He obsessed over the thought that he might do something wrong and make Yumichika feel unsafe.

"I say we spook him," Yumichika said slyly, scootching a little closer to Ikkaku on the dark floor. Oh god, Yumichika was plotting and looking so devious. Ikkaku was crushing on him _really_ hard now. How could he resist _that_?

"Hey, do you, uh... Can I..." Ikkaku began uncertainly, his folded legs touching against Yumichika's slightly. He hated saying shit like this; it was extremely uncomfortable and grated on his male pride, but all the other times had paid off so far. His heart began beating faster, and he was glad that it was dark enough that any blushing wouldn't be visible.

"Can I hold your hand?" he said, somehow managing to keep his voice steady.

Yumichika looked at him and grinned with mirth. "What, are you scared of the dark?" Ikkaku's confidence plummeted, but he didn't give up just yet.

"No, I just wanna' hold your hand, stupid," Ikkaku mumbled, just barely stopping himself from saying something truly cruel. He wasn't able to keep from tacking that little insult on the end, however, his defensiveness taking over.

Ikkaku watched as well as he could from the glow of the guns as Yumichika's smile faded away. He remained silent as he was looked at strangely, but all the same, Yumichika slowly held out his hand with due caution.

Ikkaku swallowed, trying to stay calm as he gently took Yumichika's hand, which was just as soft and cool as his wrist had been earlier. Thinking back to TV romances, he brought Yumichika's hand up to his mouth, giving Yumichika plenty of time to pull away if he wanted. He looked up to Yumichika's eyes in a moment of insecurity, wondering if he was doing this right as he pecked Yumichika's knuckles. Yumichika immediately went still, staring at him, but he didn't pull away at all. With a small exhale, Ikkaku brought Yumichika's hand away from his face and warmed it between his palms for a minute, then cautiously venturing to link their fingers together, which Yumichika also passively allowed.

It felt just as good as he'd imagined, and it looked even better, his long fingers laced easily between Yumichika's slender ones.

He could've sworn Yumichika was having an episode or something, because his lip had wobbled a couple times, like he wanted to say something, but couldn't get enough air to do so. He looked really uncomfortable too, like he was trying to sit on pins. Shit, had that been too forward? Was Yumichika worried he was trying to make a move?

Ikkaku frowned in concern. "Am I making you uncomfortable? I'm really sorry," he said considerately, loosening his grip so that Yumichika had a choice to withdraw. "I didn't mean to do wrong," Ikkaku said meekly, trying to tell Yumichika that he hadn't been about to grope him or anything. Yumichika shook his head in response, recovering somewhat from his speechlessness. Maybe he really was claustrophobic.

"I'm just not used to it." Yumichika sounded kind of breathless. Shit, was he okay? Ikkaku let go of his hand, but Yumichika's fingers didn't slip out of his.

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly. "... You look kinda' _sick."_ He bit his lip, furrowing his brow. "I'm not scarin' you, am I? You don't have ta' worry, I'm not gonna' try somethin'... I- I didn't mean-"

"As if you could ever scare me," Yumichika finally hissed. Ikkaku wanted to believe that, really he did, but he just-

"Well, what kind of reaction was that?" Ikkaku whisper-shouted back, sounding angry, but it was directed at his own stupidity rather than Yumichika's reaction.

"I just wasn't expecting it. It's nice," Yumichika said more firmly, thus far limp hand squeezing Ikkaku's back before it could escape. He even went so far as to seek out the other one as well, holding that one too. Ikkaku breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, good... I think so too." Ikkaku leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes for a minute to work down the blaze of excitement roaring within him. He felt like punching something, in an entirely good way, of course.

He rubbed Yumichika's hands with his thumbs a little, reeling with happiness at how nice it felt to be here doing this. Even if he kept fumbling and fucking simple things up, overall, the excitement was nice. The fear and anxiety were completely worth the rush.

"Hey," Yumichika said, going back to a brighter attitude, squeezing Ikkaku's fingers tightly. Ikkaku smiled down at their locked hands. He didn't usually lace his own hands, so that space felt ultra-sensitive now with Yumichika's fingers between his. "Do you think they're off making out somewhere instead of looking for us?"

Ikkaku cracked a smile at Yumichika's joking, getting closer to him in the dark. "Heh, no way. They take this game way too seriously. Although," he said with a grimace, "there was this one time that Renji tried somethin'."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Last time Renji tried something," Ikkaku mused, trying to remember what had actually happened, "Ichigo... I think Ichigo kicked him where it hurts, because he screamed really loudly and gave away their position. That was the only other time we ever beat them."

Yumichika began to shake from giggling too hard, trying to stay quiet. "It's so funny to watch them. They aren't any less smitten than when they got together in high school."

"Heh', you're right." Ikkaku grinned, remembering. They'd been shorter, with a little acne, and a lot louder, if that was believable. Even less believable was that they seemed to grow more in love as time went by, instead of growing apart like normal people. They were lovers _and_ best friends at the same time, somehow.

Ikkaku really wanted something like that.

"From the outside it looks like they're polar opposites, because of how much they argue, but you know... I think they like it... They're more alike than they'd like to think... Although, Ichigo would rather walk around naked than be open in public, almost like he thinks it's shameful, but Renji... Renji's not like that," Yumichika said thoughtfully. Ikkaku hummed in agreement.

"It's cause' he's more jealous. He likes makin' his territory clear... I'm more like him in that way, I guess... Even though they fight all the time, they stay together through it. They're on equal ground, even when they're insulting each other." Yumichika was quiet for a little while, and Ikkaku cringed. Maybe he'd said too much.

"Geez, your hands are like ice. Are you getting too cold?" Ikkaku asked with concern. "Here, come closer to me." He scootched Yumichika in a little closer, putting an arm around him. "Do you want to wear my hoodie?" he offered.

"No, that's very kind of you though," Yumichika said a little flatly, as if he felt that kindness was false somehow. Then he jumped a little, scaring Ikkaku nearly out of his wits. He said that he'd heard something, calming Ikkaku down a little bit. A moment later he heard the heavy footfalls too, poorly disguised by the light steps. That was no kid.

"That's Renji," Ikkaku breathed out with near silence, slowly letting go of Yumichika and cautiously picking up his gun. "He wore his work-boots here, the idiot." Yumichika smiled at him and turned around to the window extremely quietly, putting his gun up to his cheek so he could line up the sites at the opposite wall outside the window.

"Any second. Hit him, and then we run, okay?" Ikkaku whispered, "That's the plan. I'll cover you."

"How sweet," Yumichika whispered back, hardly making any noise at all. Ikkaku stood up slowly so as not to break his date's concentration or draw attention to their position.

After about twenty seconds of silence, Renji finally had crept past the window backwards, holding the gun up to his eye, checking to see if he was being followed. He was whisper-humming the pink panther theme like a complete dork, half-crouching as he moved slowly. Ikkaku smirked, barely restraining a snort.

Yumichika held the trigger down and hit him with a continuous shot with his automatic gun. Renji's vest jolted with the bullet-simulation over and over and over.

He shouted in surprise and looked down at his chest, then whipping his gaze around to figure out where it was coming from; he'd thought he was in an empty hallway. Yumichika ducked smoothly before being seen. Ikkaku ran out of the room and started shooting Renji more so that Yumichika could start running down the hallway.

By that time, Ikkaku was running after him, laughing loudly as he caught sight of Yumichika's excited smile. "Havin' fun?"

"Yes." Yumichika ran up a ramp and hopped over a few hurdle walls, going almost too fast for Ikkaku to keep up at all. He skidded down a hill and through a triangle shaped opening in the wall and then whipped around a corner, pulling Ikkaku back against the wall with him. "I'm glad I came with you, even though we're going to lose," he laughed, out of breath.

"Just what I wanted to hear, Sweets," Ikkaku said absently, peering around a corner, taking Yumichika's hand and leading him further through the corridors.

Yumichika followed, gazing at him with a smile.

* * *

"Woooooh!" Renji shouted, slamming his foot on the ground, "_OH!_ I told you we'd beat you guys!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up, you idiot," Ikkaku said, and he sharply looked up at Ichigo who had said the exact same thing.

"Woah, that was weird." Ichigo scratched the back of his head a little, giving a grin. "Anyone else gotta' use it before we go?"

"Me," Yumichika said, following behind the orange-haired man to the bathroom.

"Hey, wait," Ikkaku called, "Lemme' hold onto yer' jacket for ya' so it won't get all gross." Yumichika turned around, looking at him warily, but took off his jacket and handed it to him.

"Thank you," he said a little flatly, turning and blinking to himself for a moment before he entered the men's room. Ikkaku was not at all how he expected him to be.

Ikkaku had only known him for one day, and even though the guy professed to be a jerk, he was awkwardly sweet and obviously eager to treat him well. Yumichika had to admit that he liked him a lot. He could honestly picture them together, and thought that he'd be happy in that scenario.

Maybe Yumichika wasn't dating low at all; Maybe it was who he was _already_ with who was the low peak. He shook his head, opening a stall.

He had a feeling his life was about to reach a turning point.

* * *

Renji leaned over to Ikkaku, who was standing there waiting, humming quietly, half-petting Yumichika's jacket like a dork. After calling his senpai's name a couple times and getting no response, Renji physically _shoved_ him to get his attention. When Ikkaku glared at him, asking what the fuck his problem was, Renji pointed to a table. "Let's sit."

"Okay," he replied, going right back to his dazed far-off state, obviously in some deep thought. Shit, his senpai was already gone on Yumichika, wasn't he? Renji cringed. Even if he put aside the fact that Ikkaku had _no_ business dating, there was still that other thing...

How would Renji break it to Ikkaku that Yumichika was already with another man?

Renji hated Yumichika's boyfriend, but damn, he knew Yumichika wasn't just gonna' up and leave him at this point in their relationship. He'd stayed through too much shit for Renji to get his hopes up that he'd ever leave. Still, that meant Ikkaku was about to get _dumped._

Maybe getting more of a gauge on the situation would help Renji understand Yumichika's motives here. Yumichika was known to be heartless, but not like _this._ Renji eventually egged Ikkaku into telling him how they'd met.

"So you met him, had a fight in front of him, and he _still_ wanted to come on a date with you? He has some weird ideas about what's beautiful," Renji muttered. "He's been kinda' miserable lately, though... Can't believe he gave you a chance." He then gave Ikkaku a wary look. "Are you sure you wanna' do this? Do you really think you should involve him in your life after-"

"_I've put that behind me_," Ikkaku snapped viciously, and Renji held his hands up in surrender. "Don't you dare act like I'm not good enough for him. If he decides I am, then I am. I _will_ be!"

"I'm not saying you won't be," Renji said with a sigh. "I'm _saying_ that you might've rushed into this. Are you sure this is the best idea, Senpai? You don't even know anything about him, and he doesn't know anything about _you_ either," Renji said pointedly, "Nothing important, anyways."

Ikkaku grit his teeth, fists clenching. "If you're trying to say something, then _say it!"_

Renji pursed his lips for a minute, quelling his own rising temper at Ikkaku's stubbornness, because he knew his senpai knew _exactly_ what he was saying. "I'm not gonna' lie and say you haven't changed, because you have, and I _know_ you have, but you can't deny that some things stick around. You have a skeleton in your closet, Ikkaku, and if you think you're gonna' keep it in there somehow, you're so wrong. Things always have a way of coming out."

"What if I don't care, huh?!" Ikkaku shouted, slamming his fist on the table loudly, his voice suddenly a desperate wail, his eyes crazed. Renji clenched his teeth together, looking around. "What if I'm willing to take the risk? Don't you think I deserve a second chance?!"

"I _know_ you do. It's not that," Renji said with a sigh, causing Ikkaku's glare to relax into a frown. "Never mind the fact that trying to keep that hidden is fucking messed up, I'm saying that Yumichika's not telling you something too. It's not gonna' work between you two." Ikkaku stared at him and then shook his head slightly, as if to say Yumichika could do no wrong and that he didn't believe Renji.

"What, does he have cancer? He's a pill-popper? A hooker? I don't _care! _You're not gonna' sit there... and tell me that I have to be alone," Ikkaku said almost brokenly, staring at Renji as if _begging _him to tell him it wasn't true, that there hadn't been a catch to his luck after all, that Yumichika was as perfect as he'd thought.

Renji didn't have the heart to tell him just yet, tightening his lips, eyes shifting uneasily. "Ikkaku, tell me how you guys met again," Renji said adamantly, brow stern. Ikkaku looked around for a moment, seeming insecure suddenly, as if the thought that Renji may just be right was eating him alive.

"Alright."

* * *

After closing the stall he'd just used, Yumichika went over to the sink, checking his face in the mirror before beginning to wash his hands. Ichigo sauntered up behind him and leaned his hip on the counter for a second, watching him silently before opening his mouth with a pop.

"Wow..." he mumbled, shaking his head.

"What?" Yumichika looked up at him, trying to get the cheap faucets to make the water at least _moderately _warm. It wasn't really working, but he thought it was a little less freezing than it had originally been.

"I just... Hm." Ichigo scratched at the back of his neck for a second before turning on his own faucet, using way too much soap as he methodically scrubbed his hands, getting each fingernail individually; probably just a byproduct of being a doctor's son. "I've just never seen Ikkaku like this. It's weird."

"How do you mean?" Yumichika asked curiously. Was his date a jerk normally? That wasn't a good sign.

"Calm down, don't look like that," Ichigo said a little awkwardly. "I just didn't realize until I saw you two together that... I dunno'. I mean, it's not like he doesn't spend time with us a lot or something, he gets out... I just- Seeing him with you... I guess he was lonely."

"Really?" Yumichika inquired a little warily. He didn't want to date someone who had just taken the first thing they'd seen. He wanted to be special. He _deserved_ to be special. Lord knows he wasn't looking for another man like the one he had, who paid him no mind.

"Renji mentioned it to me on the way here in the car, and he's right, I just never really noticed... Ikkaku doesn't date. I just mean as long as I've known him, I've never seen him with someone." Ichigo's mouth drew into a flat line. Renji had told him well that Ikkaku hadn't had time for that and had been focused on something else entirely. He knew that he'd finally shaped up and was digging himself out of the grave he'd fallen in, but he'd never thought Ikkaku meant it enough that he'd want a lover.

There was no way Ikkaku would involve someone else in his life if he thought he'd go back to his old habits or still had loose ends hanging around. Ichigo figured he didn't need to mention the man's past to Yumichika, and decided to tell Renji to lay off about it too. There was no need to dredge up old wounds, literally so. Ikkaku deserved a fresh clean start. Yumichika would be a good influence on him, but it wouldn't work out that way if things were still... There was just that little thing about Yumichika already being taken.

That left the question of why Yumichika was on a date with Ikkaku when he was already in a long-standing relationship. Ikkaku was obviously very serious about this, and it made Ichigo's stomach hurt to think that he was going to be led on by someone who already had a lover, someone who was _unnaturally __committed_ to their s.o.b. of a lover. Ikkaku had really wanted this and was going to get his heart stepped on.

Ichigo sighed, continuing, fully realizing that it was true. Their friend had been lonely for a long time. Maybe if they'd tried to help him earlier, fixed him up with someone, he would've cleaned up his act a lot sooner. "No girlfriend, no women at all, no one night stands... _Nothin'._ We thought he was ace, actually. He's like a_ rock,_" Ichigo explained, trying to make Yumichika see that Ikkaku saw something special in him and not to take that lightly. Who was he kidding, Yumichika could be a real bastard.

"Is that so," Yumichika said with a snort, bursting out laughing, then laughing harder still when Ichigo grew embarrassed, realizing what he'd said and that it could be taken the wrong way by someone with a gutter-mind.

"Ew, don't even... You sound just like Renji." Ichigo eventually gave a begrudging smile. "You knew what I meant."

"Alright, alright, I've had my fun."

"I'm just saying..." Ichigo began more seriously, making Yumichika meet his eyes to really get him to take this to heart. "Ikkaku must really like you if he actually went through the trouble to ask you out..." Ichigo grew very sober then, his eyes hard but his voice gentle, "Listen... I know you still have something going on with Kaa, and I'm not trying to butt in, but... I really think that... just... Ugh, I dunno'. Forget it." He grew flustered and grabbed some paper towels, wiping his hands off.

Yumichika just watched him with a pensive expression.

"Just don't lead him on. I know I can't tell you what to do, but _please_ don't do it. You must be special for him somehow, and you could probably really hurt him if you're not careful. Okay?" Ichigo looked up to him to see if he was getting any of this, and Yumichika just listened on. He didn't mention the fact that Yumichika's rejection could drive Ikkaku back to his old ways if nothing else could, but he still thought about it.

"I think he's taking this really seriously, and if you aren't... I just think that you should at least let him down easy if you gotta'. Be gentle... or something."

Yumichika's smile had faded, but he nodded.

"I'll be tactful if I must," Yumichika promised, eager to steer the conversation away from that topic. Ichigo seemed satisfied with that answer. He just really didn't want his friends' new relationship to be built on lies. "Where are we going to eat?" Yumichika asked, drawing Ichigo's attention away from those dark times.

"Uhhh, M.O.S. Burger? I think that's all me and Renji can afford right now. Not Ikkaku, though," he said pointedly, and he didn't know why he said it - maybe to give Yumichika another reason not to bail on his buddy. Although it wasn't the best idea to get Yumichika to stay for money. Ikkaku would go broke like _that._

"He'll probably still suggest that place anyways," Ichigo continued with an aimless sigh. "He likes the pork-ginger burger a lot. I think I saw him eat one whole once," Ichigo said, making weird faces as he wiped paper towels in between his fingers. "Yeah. Definitely mosu-burger. I don't see us going anywhere else."

"Oh good, I was hoping it wasn't _too_ fancy," Yumichika said in relief, having finished messing with his eyelashes, whatever that was about, "or too expensive. Besides, I don't trust valets."

Ichigo looked at him for a second before giving this weird cross between a smile and a pained grimace. Then he began chuckling with an eyeroll, "You are seriously _just_ like Renji... Well, I guess you're his senpai, after all." He sighed then, "Ah geez. Okay, let's go."

When Yumichika came out of the bathroom, Ikkaku smiled to him, somewhat weakly, and handed him his jacket back. Yumichika frowned, wondering what was cause for Ikkaku's change in mood, but soon forgot that as he watched Ikkaku remove his own baggie hoodie.

Yumichika gaped.

He'd assumed Ikkaku was out of shape because of how shapeless that awful sweater was, but he'd never been so wrong. He hadn't realized how fit and muscular Ikkaku was under that baggy monstrosity, but there was no mistaking it. Ikkaku looked a little taller now, and his biceps closely rivaled Renji's. He was leaner by a bit, but was completely packed with muscle all the same.

A small bit of his collar bone was visible from around the neck of his t-shirt, and Yumichika noticed that his skin was a nice tan. His ropy arms crossed over his hard chest, muscles flexing. His stomach was flat and rippled, leading down into powerful hips and long legs.

Yumichika wasn't really one to go for brick-house muscle-heads, since he found all that bulging to be rather disgusting. Yumichika usually went for the thin types like Hisagi, Ichigo, and... his current lover.

Ikkaku was certainly nothing like either extreme, but it was clear he kept himself in shape, tight and firm all over, yet he was still slender enough that their size difference wasn't too jarring. He was only a few inches taller, his chest just slightly broader, his legs just slightly longer. He was perfect.

Ikkaku stretched, then tying his hoodie around his waist, making Yumichika choke on his spit a little. _'Oh wow,_' Yumichika thought, feeling distinctly weak in the knees. If he'd ever doubted his sexuality, that had certainly been a reality check.

Ichigo noticed his reaction and started laughing at the look on his face; Renji couldn't get anything out of him other than something about rocks.


	4. Chapter 4

Ikkaku thought that dinner had gone really well. The only troubling argument that they'd had was over who should pay, seeing as they were both guys, and usually the man pays on a heterosexual date. Ikkaku insisted that it didn't _matter_ that they were both guys. He said that since _he'd_ asked Yumichika out on the date, _he_ should have to pay.

Yumichika had still insisted that he should pay something, not wanting to seem submissive or like a gold-digger, so Ikkaku went on to say that you wouldn't invite your mom over for her birthday and then make her pay for her own food. Yumichika agreed that that made sense, but he had still paid in part.

Ichigo and Renji didn't have the same problem, because Ichigo just demanded that Renji cough up the money since it was his night to get dinner. They had some weird arrangement over who decided what they would eat on which night.

Renji just scoffed at their dilemma about who should pay. "That's cute," he said with a snort. Ikkaku punched him.

"It's a first date! Sorry we haven't figured it out yet!" Yumichika ignored his outburst, seeming unoffended while Ikkaku's temper was shot to hell. Ichigo noted again that they just might turn out to be yin and yang, Ikkaku being yang of course. Fuckin' hot-head. Luckily, Ikkaku seemed to calm down a lot with Yumichika around.

Ikkaku soon forgot Renji's slight in favor of turning his attention back to his date, who was walking off. He'd noticed that Yumichika had cleaned up the table somewhat before they'd left, and asked about it. Yumichika explained his new-found appreciation for people in the service industry. People were _evil_ to waitresses and the like, what with men getting away with sexual harassment, and people taking too many liberties, and maybe some snobs telling them to go get a 'real' job. Yumichika said that he understood how difficult it was to remain polite and upbeat now that he was a cashier.

Ikkaku thought it was cute, and he also noticed Yumichika's kindness despite those sometimes-cruel-or-inappropriate 'ugly' comments he made quite often._ He'd literally told the waitress_ _to change her lipstick._ Who does that? Even so, Yumichika had been nice to her other than that. Kindness was a good trait to look for in a person, as was being a good listener. Yumichika was _both. _Jackpot! How freaking lucky was he?!

Never mind what Renji had said. That dickhead didn't know _shit. _Ikkaku had started fresh and he was gonna' do this no matter what he thought. Yumichika was right for him, he just knew it.

It was just... Ikkaku had thought that Renji of all people would've been happy for him.

Aside from that, Ikkaku felt that their date had gone really well overall, even though they'd gotten smoked at laser-tag. Yumichika had really seemed to have fun doing that, and that was what counted. Ikkaku had done his best to be considerate and nice throughout the night, and he thought he'd made a good impression. He'd paid for all of Yumichika's food, sat next to him at the booth, and had made sure that he didn't forget his wallet or phone or keys there when they'd left. Their conversations had been as easy as breathing and were filled with that snarky bickering that Ikkaku already enjoyed. He found that he was liking Yumichika more and more as time went by.

Maybe he was moving too fast with his own feelings, but shit, he just really wanted this. He felt like he'd found someone special, and it was really exciting to him. It got kind of lonely, living alone, now that he'd recuperated enough to move away from Renji and Ichigo. Besides that, he'd always secretly kinda' wanted somebody to spoil rotten. He had Yachiru, but she couldn't talk yet, and if she could, she'd just be calling him stupid, more than likely.

It wasn't that he wasn't happy with his life - he had no right to be_ un-_happy, which was almost the same thing - but there was just something missing, some part of him that had been gone for a while now. He hadn't realized how lonely he'd been until he'd gotten a taste of what his life could be like, and it hit him then that the idea of going home alone again was a very unsatisfying prospect.

But Yumichika was here now. Yumichika made him want to change, to switch his phone off vibrate, to become a good stable person who would actually deserve his attention. Yumichika would be the perfect distraction, the best motivator, his reason to stick to his decision. Yumichika was here, and Ikkaku just didn't want him to leave yet.

He really hoped he could get a second date.

When it was time to go, Renji gave Yumichika a sharp look and pointed at him rather violently, as if to say that he'd better do something; what that something was, Ikkaku had no idea. Ikkaku wondered why Renji wasn't giving _him_ the third-degree, considering the way he'd acted earlier at the arcade, but he just watched in confusion as Yumichika went quiet in response to the glare.

The corners of Yumichika's mouth grew tight, and Renji gave him one last parting glance before slinging his arm around Ichigo's shoulders and walking to their pick-up truck.

Ikkaku didn't ask. He was mentally readying himself, sort of like how he did before a fighting match, or maybe even before using a scratch card to see if he'd won or not. Now was the time he'd find out if Yumichika wanted to see him again. Hopefully his luck was double-strike.

As they walked out to the parking lot, Yumichika asked him to come sit down in his car for a little while so they could talk. Ikkaku started to feel kind of nervous, which bothered him, because he'd actually had pretty good control of his nerves tonight. He had thought things had gone well and that Yumichika had liked him. There was no reason for him to _not_ want to see him again, right?

Unless... Shit, what Renji had said had really gotten to Ikkaku. Fuck that jerk, fuck him for messing with Ikkaku's head - even so, Ikkaku couldn't shake the feeling that there was a grain of truth in those words that he was trying to ignore. Maybe Renji was right and Yumichika didn't really like him after all.

Maybe Yumichika had been faking his smiles and really thought he was a complete and total loser, suffering through a bad date. Why would someone so great want him, anyways? What had he been thinking, thinking that he'd had a chance? Yeah, right. Not in a million years, big bald idiot.

Crap, the paranoia was kicking in full-speed even though he knew it was irrational. Nothing had gone wrong all night, but his neck was tingling like it only did in _those _situations. Something was dead-wrong here.

He shut the passenger door behind himself and turned in the car seat to look at Yumichika, who was agitated and almost, dare he say it, _timid._

Ikkaku's worry must've been showing on his face in a negative way, and immediately he relaxed from the scowl he hadn't known he'd been wearing. "Hey, what's wrong?" Ikkaku asked somewhat soothingly, frowning a little, trying to disguise his own anxiousness. "... Did ya' have a bad time?..." Yumichika didn't reply, looking at his lap. Ikkaku bit the inside of his cheek. Shit.

"You don't wanna' see me again, huh?" Ikkaku concluded miserably.

Ikkaku was ready for the rejection despite all his hopes, but Yumichika was quick to stop him, holding up a hand. "No, no, that's not it." Yumichika let out a shaky breath, and Ikkaku watched on, wondering what was up all of a sudden. "I really enjoyed tonight... I..." Yumichika visibly swallowed and looked up to him. "I really like you, Ikkaku."

Ikkaku smiled a little in relief, but it faded away as he noticed that Yumichika wasn't smiling back. What the hell was going on here?... Something wasn't right.

It made sense then. Yumichika was trying to let him down easy, wasn't he, and was scared Ikkaku would be angry. Even if that would disappoint Ikkaku greatly and crush his hopes, he'd _never_ dream to bully Yumichika about it.

"Hey, don't be nervous, I'm not gonna' bite," Ikkaku said softly, brow furrowing. "Just tell me straight, an' I'll take it like a grown-up."

Yumichika nodded, taking a shaky breath, struggling to meet his eyes without breaking away. "I just want to tell you... that working as a cashier isn't my regular job... I'm an actor. I was actually doing quite well, and I got assigned for a movie... but, there's a reason I work at a grocery store now, and I need to tell you this right now before things progress further."

"Okay..." Yumichika had just made it sound like he really _intended_ to let things progress further, which made Ikkaku feel slightly more secure. Yumichika wasn't dumping him, then. But then what was the matter, what was making him so frightened-looking?

Ikkaku felt his heart pounding anxiously, but decided to let Yumichika breathe a little. Something was really bothering Yumichika, something important. "So what's up, then?..." he asked.

Yumichika cut to the chase, closing his eyes and tipping his head down a little, "I have a... significant other."

The floor just seemed to fall away from under Ikkaku. He could practically feel his heart crack inside his chest, because he was _the other woman_.

Hey, it's a figure of speech.

"What?" His voice sounded hollow in his ears, and he knew he looked crestfallen and pitiful. Whatever he'd expected, it hadn't been that. Suddenly, it hit Ikkaku like a ton of bricks. This is what Renji had meant.

He felt like he'd been kicked in the balls. Renji had known, Renji had _known_, that bastard, he'd known about this beforehand and he'd tried to to warn him, but he hadn't listened. God, Ikkaku could cry. He could _kill_, that's what he could do! Fuck, he felt like an _idiot!_

Ikkaku stared blankly at Yumichika for a minute, really feeling like shit. Tch. He'd been stupid to think that Yumichika was really interested in him. _Obviously_ someone as great as Yumichika would have somebody special; there would be no way Ikkaku would be so lucky as to snatch him up before anyone else could. He'd let his hope carry him away again, and he'd forgotten all about that _catch_ that always came along with his luck.

Fuck. No really, _fuck._

Somehow, he couldn't find it in him to be angry. All he felt was this overwhelming sadness and a deep sense of loss that just tore him apart inside. It was like the universe was trying to fuck with him, to show him a chance for happiness and let him just barely touch it, but not keep it. It didn't belong to him. It had never really been within reach; he'd just fooled himself into believing so for a short time. Even so, even though Yumichika had led him on, he just couldn't find it in himself to be angry with him.

Ikkaku finally spoke, his own voice sounding dull in his ears. Once he heard it, the pain broke through the numbness again. "There's... There's someone else?" Damnit, now Ikkaku remembered why he didn't date. He had a really soft heart in contrast with his rough demeanor, and he didn't want to open up his heart like this only to have it crushed.

He'd disciplined himself enough that he didn't have those urges or a need for companionship, knowing just how much of a weakness it would be, but he'd been lonely, _god_, he'd been lonely. He didn't want to feel the hurt of being alone, but he didn't think he could bear this rejection.

"I know," Yumichika said with a touch of woe in his voice, "That sounds bad, doesn't it..."

"Heh, sure does." Ikkaku laughed falsely, just staring at Yumichika in crushed disbelief. There was someone else. There was someone else and he'd thought... All night, Yumichika had let him think that... Ikkaku shook his head. He wasn't gonna' be mad about this.

Some foolish part of him still held out and said that Yumichika couldn't do wrong, that there was hope. At least Yumichika hadn't told him about his lover after Ikkaku had already unknowingly homewrecked the unsuspecting guy.

God, Ikkaku couldn't even think about that. Just the idea of Yumichika in another's man's arms made him breathe a little faster. Who was he? Was he at least a good man? Did he do right by Yumichika?

"You... you've got a boyfriend? So what, then," Ikkaku said with this wretched smile and a voice that was dangerously close to breaking. How dare Yumichika fuck with him like this? How dare Renji not tell him beforehand? How dare _Ikkaku_ believe for one goddamn second that he could really have happiness with another person this way?

"You just said yes ta' me out of _pity?_ I'm like yer' charity case?" Ikkaku stared out the windshield into the darkness, feeling dirty. He was an infidelity. Sure, he and Yumichika hadn't even kissed, but he'd felt those feelings. He hadn't _gotten_, but he'd _wanted_. He'd wanted Yumichika in his arms; he'd wanted, and he'd been made part of Yumichika's little fling. Yumichika had never cared about him at all, had he? He'd probably just wanted to make his real lover jealous. Ikkaku voiced this, his tone short and clipped, because if he said too much, he might lose control of himself and need to get out of here.

Fuck, he was just so humiliated. Renji had been right to laugh. _All_ his friends had been right to laugh. They'd known he could never make it work. It was just, he'd really... He'd really thought that... and it hadn't even been real... Ikkaku grit his teeth, trying to stop the red clouding his vision. Even tears would be better than that awful red.

"Well, well, no." Yumichika held up his hands as if he thought Ikkaku was going to get out of the car and leave in anger, or worse, _hit_ him. He could see that Ikkaku was getting angry, and shied away in worry, which made Ikkaku get it under control, wiping his own face roughly. "Let me explain." Ikkaku grunted in response. "Please, won't you let me explain?" Yumichika begged.

"Go on, then," Ikkaku growled, staring at his lap.

"We're allowed to see other people," Yumichika started, as if that was the cure-all explanation. "... He," Yumichika then sighed in dejection, sinking into the driver's seat, "He, um... said he wanted an open relationship, so I assumed that _I_ could see other people too..."

Instead of becoming reassured like Yumichika had hoped, Ikkaku became more upset, now looking incredulous and hurt. He _had_ been a jealousy-attempt. God, how much lower could Yumichika bring him?!

"I'm your bounce-back, then?" Ikkaku shouted, voice going high with anger. "_Frick_, Yumichika, I thought you weren't serious when you said that thing about free food!..." Ikkaku stared forward for a minute, his scowl slipping into a sad frown. "That really stings." Ikkaku buried his face in his hands, giving a low moan of upset. How many wrong turns could his life take? How many times could he be made into a fool? No matter what, this always seemed to happen to him, and there was just no way out. He'd really... He'd really thought that this was different this time.

"No, no, I really like you," Yumichika tried to convince him, "I really really like you. I haven't felt like this in... a very long time." He sighed, turning away in sadness.

Ikkaku just looked at his hands for a few quiet moments, glancing over at Yumichika's morose slumped form. This whole situation was awful, but it didn't have to be if he didn't want it to be, and he _didn't._ New life, new man, and this new man didn't give up on himself; he didn't break his determination. He'd fucking _decided_ he'd wanted to include Yumichika in his life, no matter what that meant. He'd decided and that was it, so he wasn't giving up just yet, no matter how much of a pathetic idiot that made him.

Ikkaku looked up finally, jaw fixed in place. He'd doubted himself _and_ Yumichika all night long. He had to stop thinking that people were out to fuck him over. He'd been wrong about that several times already with Yumichika, and even though he had turned out to be involved with someone, Yumichika had still said that he'd really liked him. Yumichika had taken that risk, he'd thought he was worth it to go behind whoever-it-was's back.

So what the hell did _that_ mean?

It meant that Ikkaku had a chance, obviously. Ikkaku's luck to get Yumichika had had a catch, but Ikkaku just had to take care of that catch. He had to swallow the salt with the sugar.

He could see the guilt and sadness on Yumichika's face, the look of someone who was deeply unhappy with their life, and Ikkaku felt some kinship. He wanted to show Yumichika just how worth it he was. He was worth fighting for, he was worth trying for, and Ikkaku wanted to fight and try until Yumichika came out and told him 'no'.

Nothing worth having came easy, and he'd been told for years that he made everything difficult. This was just another challenge - that of which wouldn't cause him bodily harm in the case of failure. This was the biggest kind of risk he could take these days, and even the pain felt good in a sick way.

He smiled a little to himself. No one had said starting over would be easy, but that was okay, because Ikkaku had been born a fighter. Ikkaku had wanted Yumichika, and now it was just a matter of _how much_ he had wanted him, how far he was willing to go, how much he was willing to suffer.

Yumichika obviously wasn't happy with his lover if he was stepping out on him, and Ikkaku wanted to know. The anger was gone, even the plummeting low of the rejection was gone, and all that was left was passion, the motivation to charge up a hill and get what he'd wanted so badly.

Ikkaku was gonna' beat this guy one way or another. He couldn't use his fists, obviously, but someway somehow, he'd show Yumichika that he could do better, that he could be happy with _him_ instead. Step one was to gather information on this guy's shortcomings. "So... how is he like?" Ikkaku asked, having come to the mental conclusion that this was the next course of action. No more time to waste being offended; this was war.

Yumichika looked up at him in surprise, and instantly became wary about his sudden change in attitude. "You... want to know-"

Ikkaku knew he couldn't spend too much time explaining why or how, so he just got to the point. "What, did you think I was just gonna' give up like _that?_" Ikkaku snapped his fingers. "Sure, that hurt to hear, but c'mon, Yumichika! I _like_ you!" he practically shouted, shoving Yumichika a little.

Yumichika just stared at him in surprise, still bewildered at the mild acceptance of the situation. He'd thought things were over and done, that his purposeful deception had messed things up too badly, but here Ikkaku was telling him that he hadn't given up hope yet. The same hope was starting to shine in Yumichika's eyes again.

"So I figure I just need ta' scope out the competition a little," Ikkaku said eagerly, almost severely focused on this desire to get to know Yumichika better, to see him again somehow. Again, Yumichika was charmed by his rough sweetness. He hadn't felt like he was worth this much effort in a long time, but Ikkaku was reminding him of his once-high standards. He shouldn't be so surprised; he shouldn't be swooning because of this. He had once been used to men groveling at his feet and scraping and going out of their way for him like this. Had it been such a long time that Ikkaku acting this way was having such an effect on him? And for that matter, why was it not disgusting to him, like it had always been? Why was it so... _endearing?_

Ikkaku turned in his seat towards him, expression more open now as he casually started asking questions. "How serious is it?... Do... Do you two live together?" he began, trying to make Yumichika meet his eyes and show him that he wasn't angry anymore, just desperate to make things work.

It wasn't that Yumichika was put off by Ikkaku's enthusiasm, he was just taken aback by it, not quite sure if it was genuine. How _could_ it be genuine? Who kept trying after hearing that the object of their affections was taken? Not too many people thought it was worth it, but Ikkaku clearly did.

"Not anymore," Yumichika said softly in reply. Ikkaku inwardly whooped, knowing that that was a step in the right direction. "We've been together for quite some time, though... Um... His name is Kaa... He-"

"What, like the snake?" Ikkaku asked incredulously, slightly put-off.

"Like the snake," Yumichika repeated, smiling a little. Ikkaku swallowed at the sight of the fond look coming onto Yumichika's face, jealous about the love he saw there. Well, it was to be expected from a long-term relationship. Attachment of some kind was inevitable.

"He, um... He dyes his hair a lot; it's been every color under the sun, and at the moment it's maroon... wine-colored, I suppose... Darker than Renji's at the roots, but brighter at the tips," Yumichika rambled nervously, still seeming concerned that Ikkaku may get angry again if he talked too highly of his lover. Ikkaku reached out and stroked his leg a little to try to comfort him.

He wasn't mad, really he wasn't. He didn't want Yumichika to be nervous to tell him the truth. He could take it. Yumichika looked down at his hand where it was rubbing his knee and swallowed, continuing a little more bravely. "He, um, models, and-"

"Models for what? Underwear?" Ikkaku ventured with mild interest. From the look on Yumichika's face, he could tell he'd been right. Ikkaku grimaced. Alright, so he could assume then that Yumichika's boyfriend was both hot and loaded, which were _huge_ pluses for most people.

"Okay, I can't beat him at looks or money... and he's probably an animal in the sack too. So it's three ta' zero."

Yumichika looked down a little, playing with his own hands, not saying anymore.

"So, what's he like to ya'?" Ikkaku asked, prodding him softly into speaking again. Maybe the guy _wasn't_ a cocky bastard like he assumed most hot models were. Maybe he was actually really sweet to Yumichika and treated him like his whole world, and Ikkaku had his work cut out for him. Whatever the case was, Ikkaku had to know if he was to stand a chance.

Yumichika took a moment to think, and it surprised Ikkaku that he actually had to _think_ about it. "He has a big personality... and he's very charming and popular." Yumichika began speaking almost mechanically then, "He's smart, and funny, and-"

That hadn't been what Ikkaku had meant at all. He'd wanted to know how he was to _Yumichika_, not in general. "Yeah, okay, but what does he _do_ for ya'?" Ikkaku asked.

Yumichika looked at him blankly for a moment. "I don't know what you mean."

"C'mon, being rich and handsome can't be the only reason ya' like him, right? I mean like..." Ikkaku gave a 'psh' noise, thinking of something off the top of his head, "What does he do to make you happy? Why do you love him? What did he get you for your birthday?"

"Ah." Yumichika scratched the back of his neck, "Actually, he..."

"Forgot your birthday, huh," Ikkaku said knowingly. "And you can't think of why he makes you happy, which means he _doesn't._ I'll assume he's got a big-ass ego, and he's inconsiderate on top of it. Minus two points; It's one to zero now."

Shit, he'd thought it was going to be difficult to upstage this guy, but Yumichika had yet to say one damn thing that was good about him. If Yumichika had loved him so much, he should've been gushing over him left and right, but damn, Yumichika was _struggling._

"No, you have it all wrong, he's not _mean_," Yumichika defended weakly, and Ikkaku shut himself up, seeing that he'd hurt Yumichika.

Even if he wanted to criticize this guy left and right, he couldn't just _do_ that; it was insensitive, for one, and cocky, for another. Yumichika obviously had some sort of feelings for this guy still, and it would be a dick-move for Ikkaku to pressure him.

He tried to remind himself that he was trying to make Yumichika leave a long-time lover for a complete stranger. He needed to convince him more gently, and insulting the competition was not the way to go. Instead of pointing out his current boyfriend's flaws, he needed to point out his own good points. He just had to think of some.

Ikkaku sighed, watching Yumichika bite his thumbnail. "Well, then what is he? Tell me what you're tryin'a' tell me," Ikkaku tried to say it comfortingly, when really he was on the edge of his seat. He didn't want things to be over when they'd hardly started. Yumichika was a gem, and he really, really wanted to be around him more, even if only as friends. He knew that they'd met for a reason. He just knew it.

Ikkaku was so _so_ tired of just saying 'fuck it' and letting his life fall to shit, and he wasn't about to do it again.

"He..." Yumichika took a deep breath then, making a pained face. "He doesn't... I don't know," Yumichika put his fingers to his temples for a minute, exhaling.

"It's okay," Ikkaku said, not really knowing why, but feeling that it was something he should say. Yumichika just looked so... _lost._

Yumichika closed his eyes and got the words out then, as if ashamed of himself. "Maybe it's that he has a hard time with me being a guy. I don't know if he's prepared to come out, which is strange, because he's the last person to care about what people think about him... Maybe it's not that he's ashamed of me, but he doesn't act like he loves me. When we lived together, he had us sleep in separate beds... All of that stuff that couples do, he didn't want to do with me - like hand-holding or kissing or sweet names... even..."

Yumichika sighed, and Ikkaku felt his heart ache for him. He could see that Yumichika felt really unwanted, and maybe that was why he'd finally decided to do something about it, to see other people. "I don't know _what_ it is, because I knew him when he had girlfriends and he always did those things for _them_... It's like... maybe it's just _me_ that he has a problem with," Yumichika said sadly. "He says he feels more for me than for anyone else, but because it's me, it's like he can't... he just doesn't..."

"-Pay you attention," Ikkaku finished, staring at him, feeling how dejected Yumichika was just from looking at him. That sucked. What kind of douche-bag made someone so beautiful feel unwanted? Who could _do_ that? Who could sap someone like Yumichika's confidence _that much? _How long had this gone on? How long had Yumichika's life been so shitty?

Ikkaku nodded as if in confirmation that he now hated this man. "He's the popular type to give it to everyone else _but_ you, right? Acts different in public to make himself look good? And you're left wondering at home about what he actually means?"

"Yeah..." Yumichika sighed, staring off into space, eyes growing dark and depressed. "I guess when it's _real_ feelings, he can't show them... It's been a long time since he and I even really talked."

"So he's off with other people then?"

"Yes," Yumichika said tightly as Ikkaku prodded at his wounds. He looked at him with narrowed eyes, as if to see where he was going with this. He didn't want to be taunted or teased when it already hurt this bad - Ikkaku was on _extremely_ thin ice, and he could see that, it was just, _god_, that pissed Ikkaku off. How could Yumichika settle for this punk? Didn't Yumichika get that he could have _better?_

"So he's got all the perks of bein' with you without having to commit," Ikkaku said, jaw setting. Just thinking about it made him angry. Yumichika was really sweet, and Ikkaku liked him well enough that he wanted to get to know him, which was saying a _lot_, since Ikkaku didn't like people. Yumichika was good, though. Ikkaku liked talking with him and being near him and laughing with him; he didn't understand how somebody could _not_ want to do those things. He didn't get how someone could _not_ want pay Yumichika attention! How could Yumichika think it was okay to settle for someone who didn't care about _everything_ about him?

Well, if Yumichika didn't know - and he obviously didn't - then Ikkaku would just have to tell him. He forced his pride down his throat and gathered his guts, coming to the decision quick enough that he couldn't get too nervous about it.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Ikkaku asked, somewhat harshly, because he _really meant it_. Yumichika blinked and looked up in near-surprise, grimacing after a moment, his eyes going away again.

Ikkaku adjusted his tone, bringing a hand to Yumichika's face. He couldn't stand to see Yumichika's eyes dropping down like that, like a kicked dog. "No, don't do that..." Ikkaku gently rubbed his cheek, and Yumichika's eyes hesitantly raised back to his. "I'm being one hundred percent honest right now," Ikkaku said with a little grin. "You're literally the _most beautiful_ person I've ever seen. No one comes close."

Yumichika's mouth opened a little, his eyes starstruck and helpless, meeting his without wavering. Ikkaku stroked his hair, causing Yumichika to give a shocked smile, and Ikkaku could practically _see_ his heart unfolding and opening up.

Ikkaku knew that these might be lines that a lady-killer would use, but he really meant them from the bottom of his heart. "Really, Yumichika, you're so pretty that it's kinda' hard for me to look straight at ya'. I feel wrong doing it, I don't feel good enough, but I _want_ to be. I thought you couldn't be real when I first saw you. You probably noticed how I stopped talkin' smack at you once I saw your face?..."

Recognition flashed through Yumichika's eyes. "If you're this pretty, imagine how great it was to realize that the person under the face is just as... just as lovely," Ikkaku said, somewhat embarrassed, heart pumping like it did when he gunned it on his motorcycle. "... If I feel this lucky to have had just a few hours with you, then this guy who gets to have you _all the time _should be treatin' you like the morning star."

Ikkaku smiled crookedly, running the backs of his fingers over Yumichika's cheek. "Heh..." It was stupidly funny to him, just how idiotic they both were. Ikkaku was going completely soft over this, and Yumichika was _surprised_ that someone could.

Yumichika just looked into his eyes, still staring at him with wonder. Ikkaku wanted to kiss him so so badly, but he knew he couldn't. It would ruin the point. "You're partnered with the one person in the world who can't see what he has? Now that ain't fair ta' you, huh?" he said softly, voice more docile than he'd known it could get, his hands ghosting against Yumichika's skin more gently than he'd thought he could do.

"I don't," Yumichika said sharply, going cold in a split second, withdrawing from his warm fingers. Ikkaku blinked. What had he said?

"I don't give him perks," he clarified when Ikkaku just stared at him in confusion as to why he'd grown so upset. He'd been being really nice, hadn't he, and Yumichika's outburst had seemed unwarranted, but now it made a little more sense.

Yumichika grew defensive, coiling in on himself, crossing his arms and legs tightly, looking away with a sour expression. "I'm not _that_ pathetic. I know better than to let him have his cake and eat it too. That's why I moved out." Yumichika sounded so upset and justified in his decision for a moment, but then he seemed to deflate again, sadness filling him up. "He didn't like that, and said he wanted to have an open relationship after that. Like... if he didn't know where I was, doing what with who, then he wanted to get some too." Yumichika then bitterly scoffed, "Like he'd already _been_ doing."

"You know what 'open-relationship' means to someone like that, right?" Ikkaku said tersely. "He wants a relationship where _you_ commit, but where he can run free and still have the single lifestyle. So basically he's just lookin' ta' fuck other people and have you waiting for him." Yumichika didn't say anything, and Ikkaku took that as his answer. He had the guy pegged and he'd never even met the rich entitled jerk.

"It's been like that for a while, but I never took advantage of it. I don't know what the point of being faithful to him really is anymore, but I just could never make myself, after so long," Yumichika said wearily, then looking over to Ikkaku with caution. "But then I met you, and I don't know why, because you're nothing like him-"

"That's probably why," Ikkaku said bluntly. Yumichika gave a little laugh. Ikkaku's mouth pulled up in the corner. It was good to see Yumichika smile.

"I say you're a foot in, and a foot out at this point. You're not happy like that, are you?" Yumichika shook his head. "No, you're not, of _course _you're not. You've gotta' make a decision. There comes a time when everyone's gotta' make a choice like that, whether to stay the same or... or bail," Ikkaku said, meaning the words with everything he had, knowing they were true better than anyone.

"It's just so hard," Yumichika whispered, eyes lidded and tired. "I've been with him for so long, that... I... Ikkaku, I..." He shook his head slightly, sighing.

"Would you," Ikkaku tried to be unbiased about it, reaching out for Yumichika's hand, gently drawing it between his two palms, "would you consider leaving him? I'd treat you good." He tried not to be too pushy, knowing that this was a huge decision. He really didn't want to corner Yumichika or pressure him into it. Yumichika had to want out, he had to want this for himself. He had to know that it was time to bail, time to start over. From what Ikkaku had heard, it _was._

"I..." Yumichika looked nauseous, but didn't withdraw his hand. His fingers twitched a little in the warm grip, as if they wanted so much to hold on and never let go, but still felt like they had to escape all the same.

Ikkaku's heart was pounding; this was the moment of truth.

"I don't really..." Yumichika winced, seeming _immensely_ uncomfortable. "Renji talks about you a lot, but I don't really _know_ you," he said sensibly. "I know that we have potential, but I just met you this morning... You can't expect me to-"

"I get it, I get it," Ikkaku conceded, "Look, I'm not asking you to jump into anything serious right away, cause' that wouldn't be fair so soon. I just want the chance to get to know you, Yumichika. I _want_ things to go there, to where we'd be serious, but if casual dating is where we should start, then fine... Even just being friends! Shit, I don't really know how it works, so you tell me," Ikkaku rambled, slightly cowed, still holding onto Yumichika's hands like he might break them on accident.

"Ikkaku, it's- it's hard for me, alright?" Yumichika insisted, looking at their hands with uneasiness, but his thumbs latched on around Ikkaku's grip, rubbing lightly at his fingers in return.

"I know we're strangers. I _know_. All I want is the chance to change that. The only thing I'm asking you to do is to think about it, okay?" Ikkaku put one hand up to Yumichika's shoulder, squeezing. "I'm not saying I deserve you, cuz' I don't, but I _am _saying that _he_ definitely doesn't. I can see it right here." Ikkaku pointed at Yumichika's eyes. "You're unhappy with him. He's hurt you. He's probably done you wrong a lot more than you're tellin' me... Hm?" Ikkaku prodded.

"It's not like he _hits_ me," Yumichika said, trying to blow off Ikkaku's concern.

Ikkaku made him meet his eyes then. "That's not the only way to hurt someone. Ever heard of emotional battery? If he's making you feel awful then he obviously doesn't respect you. Remember what I said about equals? It's why Renji 'n Ichigo are so damn happy together." Yumichika swallowed.

"You can't give someone so much if they're not returning it... You can't put someone on a pedestal if they don't put you on one... or they'll be forced to look down at you." Ikkaku took a breath, letting it out. "Both people have to put in the effort, or nothing works... I'm willing to do this." He let the implication hang in the air, but Yumichika didn't reply, breaking their gaze.

After a few quiet minutes in which Yumichika didn't say anything or look at him at all, Ikkaku mulled over the possibility that he may have come on a little too strong... like _steam-roller_ strong.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, feeling like a big idiot. "I didn't mean ta' bring up anything painful... I shouldn'ta' said that. It's not my place."

Yumichika shook his head, rolling one shoulder in quiet thought. "No, you're right, I _know_ you're right. It's just hard to hear."

In the ensuing silence, Yumichika twiddled his thumbs a little, and then rubbed his hands together to try to get them warm. Ikkaku took one of them again and ran it between his hands. Yumichika looked up at him, still with this curiosity and awe like a child before their idol.

Suddenly, words just spilled out of Yumichika's mouth, and Ikkaku blinked in surprise. "Maybe I'll do it."

Yumichika then seemed to lose confidence, saying it more slowly, but with more meaning, like he hardly dared speak the possibility aloud. "Maybe I will..." He seemed to really mean it, which Ikkaku assumed explained why he looked so frightened all of a sudden. "I think I'll do it. I mean... if you'd..." Yumichika cut himself off then, not knowing if Ikkaku would still accept him now that he knew about the other man. After all that, he wasn't sure if it was still worth it to Ikkaku.

_"Yeah,_ I would!" Ikkaku said with eagerness and a big grin, getting a smile out of Yumichika too. They both just sat there for a minute looking at each other, smiling like dopes, holding hands.

Inside he was reeling with happiness, that fucking fluttering providing him with a better buzz than he'd had in a long time, a deeply satisfying one. Yumichika was ditching his lover for him? Yumichika was going to be his _boyfriend? _

Shit, that was a little scary suddenly, because what did he _do_ now that he had this thing he'd yearned for? Ikkaku had never _had_ someone to be sweet on. It seemed that he'd just have to figure things out as he went.

He didn't know what he should do. Well, he knew what he _wanted_ to do. He'd feed Yumichika ice cream, he'd take him around the city on his motorcycle, he'd take him to the beach and to carnivals and to malls and to car shows, and he'd show him to all of his friends. Ikkaku would put his phone on ring-mode and text him during the day. He'd plan out dinner on days he wanted to invite Yumichika over, which would be often. He'd talk to him about all the dumb shit going on in his head that he'd never thought worth mentioning before. He wanted to do all this, and if that wasn't what dating was about, then he'd been severely misled.

It was clear to Ikkaku now that this nameless person Renji would always talk about was indeed Yumichika. Yumichika had been this little unknown part of his life for who knew how long, and it had to be fate, as stupid as it sounded. It was too much of a coincidence to be anything _but_ fate. Who was he to deny luck like that?

What mattered was that his luck had fucking _paid off_ and that the catch didn't matter at this point. He'd been enough. He'd been good enough. He'd made it. Ikkaku grinned wider, gazing at that pretty face that was now going to be part of his life.

'_Fuck yes. Take that, Renji. Take that,_ brain._ You were wrong. I can have this, and everything will be great. I can have this. I can be happy._ We _can be happy._'

Yumichika broke the silence first, his smile fading off as he said, "Alright, I'll try to call him right now." He seemed to be losing his confidence, but not enough to back out.

Ikkaku stared at him balefully for a minute as Yumichika got out his phone. That was pretty impressive, if you asked him. He'd expected Yumichika to put it off, even for just one night; he never would've thought Yumichika would call right _now. _Sheesh, part of Ikkaku didn't want to hear what would surely be a very uncomfortable phone call. This was another one of _those_ situations that gave him that 'get up-get out' mentality, just like he'd had when buying those condoms.

He tried to look on the bright side of Yumichika ending things now. At least there wouldn't be any sneaking around or 'oh crap, we're caught' moments, because neither of them deserved to start their budding relationship under the guise of it being wrong - homewrecking on Ikkaku's side, cheating on Yumichika's.

Even so, wow, Yumichika really had meant it when he said that he'd wanted to be with Ikkaku. He was about to break up with his boyfriend with him _right there_. Ikkaku had made that much of an impression that Yumichika was gonna' dump his years-long lover for _him. _Was this really happening?

Yumichika gripped his phone hard, just staring at it for a few seconds, taking slow breaths. "Don't worry, 'm right here," Ikkaku reassured, rubbing Yumichika's leg. "Do you want me to give you some privacy?... Wait, you're not _scared,_ are ya'?" Ikkaku wondered with growing concern.

It was normal to have anxiety over breaking up with someone, but Yumichika almost seemed afraid. Maybe Yumichika stayed with this guy because he was _frightened_ by him.

Had... Had Yumichika stayed this long because he was afraid to leave? Did he feel unsafe? Ikkaku's fists clenched up as he stared wide-eyed, heart pounding in a completely unenjoyable manner. It wasn't... it wasn't like _that_, was it?

"No, I'm not afraid, I just," Yumichika paused and grimaced, forgoing saying anything more, since Ikkaku caught his meaning just fine.

As the clicking noises filled the car, Ikkaku noticed that Yumichika had a flip phone, which was uncommon, given how almost everyone had those touch-screen ones now. He was liberally pressing each button, and then took a breath before pressing 'call'. Then he nervously held the receiver up to his ear. Ikkaku wondered if he should get out of the car and leave him alone. As he grabbed the door-handle, Yumichika stopped him.

"Ikkaku, can you stay?" he whispered. Ikkaku simply laced his fingers with Yumichika's free hand and squeezed lightly to send him some courage. After forty seconds of ringing, Yumichika pulled the phone back from his face, trying again to call him, mentioning that he was probably busy.

He didn't say what Kaa might be busy with, but Ikkaku had a good idea, not saying anything.

After another try, Kaa finally picked up.

"Hello? Nicholas?" Yumichika asked timidly. Ikkaku could hear a little of the voice that replied: really smooth, not particularly deep or high, and like he'd expected, it sounded very charming and slightly insensitive.

'Nicholas?' Ikkaku mouthed, confused momentarily. Was that Kaa's roommate? No, he was rich; why would he have a roommate? Still though, Yumichika had never mentioned the name 'Nicholas' even once. Maybe 'Kaa' was the name this guy had picked to sound cooler - like a stripper name, almost. Ikkaku would've scoffed if Yumichika hadn't put a finger up to his mouth to tell Ikkaku not to say anything.

Yumichika tried to say something but then stopped, eyes closing in a wince as he shook his head. "No, no, I'm not in trouble, I'm fine. I just needed to talk to you... Actually it can't wait, it's important..." Yumichika suddenly made an incredulous expression in response to whatever Kaa had replied with. "Just because I'm not in trouble doesn't mean it's not important! You were concerned just a moment ago!... I'm not squawking, I-... I'm _sorry_ you're busy, Kaa, it's not like I ne-"

Yumichika sighed a little, shaking his head with closed eyes as Kaa talked right over him. Ikkaku clamped his teeth together, reminding himself that in a few minutes, this guy would be out of their lives. He just had to stay calm for a few more minutes.

"I don't want to hear about that, I just need to talk to you for one minute. Just one minute, please." Yumichika seemed to lose patience and pinched the bridge of his nose, getting snippy, "Would you _please_ listen to me?... Hello? Nicholas, just _one minute._" Yumichika bit his lip then, and Ikkaku could still hear the guy talking right on top of him.

He felt like grabbing the phone and screaming some sense into this guy's ear, because there was no way any sane person would talk that way to Yumichika. Kaa obviously didn't realize what he was throwing away if he was taking Yumichika for granted like this. Ikkaku wanted to take the phone and give him a piece of his mind, but he wanted Yumichika to handle this himself more. Unresolved issues like this could haunt people for years, and he didn't want Yumichika to have any regrets or lingering doubt. A fresh start was only a fresh start if the break was clean.

"Listen... Listen... _Kaa!_" The guy went quiet then, finally letting Yumichika get a word in edgewise. Yumichika expression was stoic, his voice serious. "I don't want to have an open relationship anymore."

Yumichika went quiet for a few moments, listening to Kaa's response. "No. That's not what I said. You weren't listening... Nick, I'm not threatening you to get you to come back, I don't _want_ to live with you again... Stop talking over me... Ah-" Yumichika began to get frustrated, struggling to keep his composure as he tried to get a word in. "No... No, that's not what this is about. It's not to get you back, I don't _want_ you back. I'm leaving you."

Even though Ikkaku could only hear one side of the conversation, he could see how hard it was for Yumichika to do this, and every word was breaking his heart more and more. He felt really bad, because he could _feel_ the pain in Yumichika's voice.

Yumichika calm finally started to break, his voice really beginning to waver. "No, didn't you hear me? I said, _I'm leaving you!"_

Yumichika slipped his hand out of Ikkaku's, fumbling for the door handle, grabbing it, pulling, and then getting out of the cab. He walked a little ways away into the parking lot, his frame tense, head down. Ikkaku could see that he was starting to get really upset. "No, I'm not. No, just- _No,_ I'm not happy anymore, okay? I'm just not happy!" Ikkaku got out of the car and approached him with dread, realizing that Yumichika was near tears now. He began feeling queasy. Shit, what should he do? He couldn't handle tears, _please_ no tears, Yumichika. Ikkaku didn't want to see this. He didn't want to hear Yumichika's voice crack or to see his eyes fill up like that. Ikkaku didn't think he could take it.

"No, it's not about that... Who cares if I'm seeing someone, it's not like _you-_ No, I'm not throwing a fit, I can't deal with this, I don't know _what_ you want, or if you... No, _no_, stop saying it's not over! It's over, _it's over, I mean it!"_ Yumichika screamed into the phone, beginning to cry, putting a hand up to his mouth. Ikkaku jolted, feeling like he'd been slapped with a wet blanket. No, oh Yumichika, _no._

After standing there for a moment, seized with panic, he took a hesitant step forward, hands unsure as he hovered them over Yumichika's shoulders. Then he touched him tentatively, patting his back a little bit for support, each of those tears feeling like a bullet through his chest.

"No, I'm not coming back... _No!..._ Well, you shouldn't have thought that I... Would you- No, shut up for once! I acted like I didn't care because _you_ didn't care! What kind of person wants their lover to sleep with everyone but them?! No, you _be quiet!_ You don't pay any attention to me anymore, you never show me that you care, _never, _Nicholas! How am I supposed to feel when you show your feelings the way you do?! It _hurts!_"

Yumichika ran a hand through his hair in frustration, starting to cry harder, so much that he could hardly speak. Ikkaku just stared in horror at the way Yumichika's face was wrenching up, the despair coming through plain as day. "I've been hanging around for years just _wasting my life_ waiting for you to get tired of playing and come back to me. You say you want me, but I guess it's not enough that you want me more than anyone else. What's so wrong with _me?_ What's wrong with _me_ that you can't stand being around me anymore if I'm not naked, huh?"

Yumichika was stomping his feet now and hiccuping as he cried, "No_, stop_ saying that! It's over if I say it's over! I'm done with you and all of your shit! You dog, you fucking dog, I hate you! You gave me an STI, you crashed my car, you got me fired, _you ruined my life_, I hate you! It's your fault I'm stuck at some shitty grocery store instead of doing what I love, and I'm sure you're happy about that too! I hate you!" Yumichika sobbed for a moment, choking, before screaming it into the receiver, "_I hate you!_ You never think about anyone but yourself, and you've ruined my life! There's no way that I'd ever-" Yumichika went quiet then, trying to keep in his cries as he listened.

"Shut up... No, I'm not. You're wrong... That's not true." His face crumpled, more tears melting onto his wet cheeks. Ikkaku's hands were shaking a little, gripping Yumichika's arms tighter. He was getting a little choked up himself, seeing just how much _pain..._

"There's no way you couldn't have seen this coming... I... I don't _care_, just keep them. I never want to see you again, you stupid... you stupid stupid-head." He sniffled, whining miserably, wiping his eyes. Ikkaku could hear the guy saying something back now, but all it was doing was pissing him off more. How much more grief did this guy wanna' cause here? How much was Yumichika going to take before he broke?

Ikkaku got the impression that Yumichika had been taking this guy's shit for a long long time, and that this final break-free on Yumichika's part had been completely unexpected on both sides, and for good reason too. Yumichika probably would have never left if he and Ikkaku hadn't met. He would've just took it and took it until he'd been broken down completely.

After two more seconds of just letting the guy talk, Yumichika sniffed, and then spoke one last time.

"I'm hanging up," Yumichika croaked, and just as he'd been serious when he'd said he'd call his boyfriend and break up with him right then, he was also serious now, and hung up right away, not waiting for the man to keep talking to bait him back into the argument. He powered down his phone and took the battery out for even better measure.

Almost immediately, Yumichika covered his emotions under a carefully blank face, sniffing a little as he put his phone in his pocket, seamlessly hiding his pain with numbness. Ikkaku could recognize that anywhere.

Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku, and even though his eyes were red and puffy, face wet from snot and tears, Ikkaku thought he looked so beautiful out in the moonlight, so broken and hurt and _honest_. The strength too, the strength and bravery it had taken to do that needed no mentioning. It was so much easier to just passively allow one's life to continue on as it had rather than doing something about it, and Yumichika had finally had the courage to do that tonight, even though it had been hard, _god_, had it been hard.

Ikkaku knew that whatever comfort he had to offer could never be enough to heal the hurt Yumichika had been caused, but he still tried anyways. He approached slowly, watching cautiously for any lash-out Yumichika might have against being touched right now, but when he wasn't stopped, he wrapped Yumichika securely in his arms, holding him against his chest.

Ikkaku rested his chin atop his head and stroked his hair a little, rocking him from side to side, not saying anything, because he knew he didn't need to. After Yumichika had recovered from the shock of the past few minutes and had relaxed from his stiff surprise, he went limp and clung to Ikkaku, shoulders shaking as he shoved his face into Ikkaku's chest. He cried, not just from loss, but from the sheer _relief_ that it was finally over.

"Shhh," Ikkaku hushed, eyebrows scrunching together as he looked around awkwardly, in case there were any by-standers he'd need to scare away. Realizing that that really wasn't of concern right now, no matter how uncomfortable crying people made him, Ikkaku wrapped Yumichika tighter in his arms, which had the opposite effect that Ikkaku had expected. Instead of being comforted and calming down, Yumichika just lost it, body racking with hard sobs and his hands fisting in Ikkaku's t-shirt. "Sh, sh, sh, it's okay," Ikkaku said, rapidly nearing full-out panic as he looked over his shoulder in alarm. He had to get Yumichika out of this fucking parking lot at least; he was having a goddamn break-down, and Ikkaku didn't know what to do. All Ikkaku could think of was to sit them down and take them away from this open space where anyone could just come out and see. God knows if _he_ were bawling like this, he'd want it to be private.

Ikkaku took him under the armpits and hefted him into his arms like a child, letting him wrap his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. Yumichika put his forehead on Ikkaku's shoulder, still choking, trying to stop from crying in such an ugly noisy manner. Ikkaku carried him back to the car and sat them in the back seat, rubbing Yumichika's back and hushing him.

After a few more minutes, Yumichika pulled himself together to the point where he could keep quiet, moving out of Ikkaku's lap to sit next to him. He was crying silently now, biting his wobbling lips as tears rolled from his violet eyes, dripping down his chin like a faucet. Ikkaku felt guilt roiling in his stomach, because he could _see _how much pain Yumichika was in. Fuck, if only he could take that pain away. He'd wanted Yumichika to get away from that guy, but he'd never meant for him to feel so bad. He'd never known that Yumichika would cry. He hadn't wanted this.

Just as Ikkaku was about to stutter out an awkward apology, Yumichika lifted his soggy head, the perfect picture of woe.

"Oh, I've made a mess of your shirt, I'm so sorry. You must be disgusted," he said with a wobbly raw voice. Ikkaku didn't even look down at himself to see the mess of snot and tears, which he figured was the cold wet patch he could now feel. He didn't care about that. How could Yumichika even be thinking about that after all he'd just been put through?

"Hey, _I'm_ sorry," Ikkaku said somewhat sternly, "I'm so sorry." Ikkaku shook his head, voice going more gentle as he repeated the words, not knowing why, since he knew they couldn't help much. "I'm sorry you've been hurt, I really am. I know that was hard for you."

"I said some things that I didn't mean to," Yumichika admitted with a sniff, two more tears shooting down from the corners of his eyes, running alongside his nose. Ikkaku's stomach began to hurt, just from hearing those words. He looked out the window for a minute uncertainly, guilt simmering within him.

"I hope you didn't make a decision that you'll regret. I didn't think it would be so..." Ikkaku swallowed. He really wished that Yumichika would stop crying; he couldn't bear it. He didn't know how to comfort him or make him feel better. He just didn't want Yumichika to be sad, and he wanted to fix it, but he didn't know how. All he could think to do was apologize again, "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"No," Yumichika said, lip quivering. "It was a long time coming. I've meant to do it for a long time. I just didn't want to admit to myself that I knew I had to go." Those last words were really hard for him to get out, almost causing him to burst into a renewed fit of tears, but he worked it down after a moment. He sighed then, trying to relax, his body seizing every once in a while from those involuntary hiccup-breaths that follow a crying fit. Moisture still seeped from his tired eyes, spreading over his raw cheeks; he was an absolute wreck. It should've been a turn-off, and truth be told, it did freak Ikkaku out, but it just made Ikkaku want to be even better for him. He'd be the best boyfriend; he'd _never_ give Yumichika cause to cry like that.

"Here, come closer," Ikkaku said, putting his arm around him, letting him lay his body on his still-wet chest. "You're shaking," he said in surprised concern. Yumichika hiccuped, crying quietly to himself. Ikkaku rubbed his side, hesitantly beginning to speak. "I know you're hurting... and I know that this is all moving really fast... I don't expect you to make any decision while you're-" He cut off when Yumichika wrapped his arms around his middle and held him tightly.

"Thank you," Yumichika whispered in a cracked voice, somehow forcing every drop of emotion and gratitude into those words, thanking him for the nice night, thanking him for paying for dinner, thanking him for asking him out and for taking care of him and comforting him out here in the middle of a parking lot at night.

"I know you thought this wasn't a very good date, but it's the best one I've been on in years. You're... you're so nice. You try... you really try." Yumichika sniffled a little, hugging him tighter, tears still leaking from his red eyes. "I really want to get to know you better. I hope you'll call me again." Ikkaku was still just staring at him, gobsmacked, but his lack of reaction started making Yumichika nervous. Yumichika began clinging to him, as if he thought this was the last time he'd see Ikkaku. He'd become a complete mess, and probably thought that Ikkaku wouldn't think this worth his time now that he'd seen him at his worst.

"Of course I'll call you again," Ikkaku finally said, blushing a little and putting his arms around Yumichika's trembling form, squeezing him back for a quiet moment that was only broken by Yumichika's occasional sniffing. "Are you gonna' be okay tonight?... I don't wanna' leave you alone if you're gonna'... like, kill yourself or something... I'll stay up all night with you if that's what you want." He rubbed Yumichika's back awkwardly, patting him for comfort. Damn, those tears were horrible to watch. At least he wasn't wailing anymore like someone had died.

"No, I won't do something so drastic. I'm feeling better." Yumichika sniffed, searching for some napkins in his car so he could blow his nose and wipe off his wet face. "You probably don't find me very pretty anymore... Weak, and crying over a complete bastard."

"Hey," Ikkaku said sternly, holding his shoulders, "Now you listen to me. Nobody should have to put up with the crap you did, and you took it like a champ. That was brave as hell, what you just did, Yumichika. I'm really proud of you... and didn't I tell ya' you were beautiful? What would crying have to do with that?"

Yumichika gave a sad laugh. "You're so sweet." He leaned his head onto Ikkaku's shoulder glumly. "... Can I see you again? I can see you again, right?"

"Of course you can," Ikkaku said, patting his back a little. Yumichika sniffled a few times in the silence. Ikkaku cringed, giving a low moan of distress. "Shit, I feel awful. I made'ja' cry on our first date, that's supposed to be a bad sign..." Yumichika laughed darkly into Ikkaku's neck. "No really, I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean for you to cry. That was the last thing I'd meant for. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have-... Fuck, I dunno' what I'm saying..."

Yumichika sniffed one last time, wiping his eyes with the heels of his hands, giving a watery smile. "You make this night sound like it was a disaster... Well, I guess this part was, but I had fun otherwise," he admitted, to Ikkaku's surprise. "I had fun, I really did... I'm glad that I met you. You gave me some bravery."

Ikkaku's face broke into a fond smile. "Well, good..." They were quiet for a few minutes, simply cuddling together. Ikkaku finally broke the peaceful moment after Yumichika sat up to blow his nose again and then yawned, closing his eyes. "Are you tired? You ready to go home?"

"Are _you_ tired?" Yumichika wondered, looking up at him with concern. Ikkaku shook his head.

"I just thought you'd be worn out after that. What do you feel like doin'?"

"I just feel like sitting here with you for a little longer... If that's okay." Ikkaku nodded and settled into the back seat, hitching Yumichika closer to him.

"Tomorrow's Saturday," he noted, stretching out his legs as Yumichika rested against him, his hair pillowed on his chest, skinny arms around him. "You don't have work on Saturday, do ya'?"

"No."

"We could go to the park if ya' want. Tomorrow will be better. I'll up my game on this next date. I promise I won't even make ya' cry this time." Yumichika gave a little laugh at that. "I do have to paint my apartment tomorrow, though. You could... Uh, well, I don't wanna' make you _work_ or nothin', but you could come keep me company, I guess," Ikkaku suggested, knowing that was a shitty excuse for a date. "After that, we could walk around in the park for a while? I'll take you out for dinner too. Then ya' can get ta' know me some more." Yumichika seemed to find his voice soothing, so he talked more about what they could do, just to calm him down.

After a few minutes, Yumichika's breath finally started to even out, no longer shaking with those involuntary intakes of air, and he leaned his head onto Ikkaku's shoulder, snuggling closer like they'd known each other for ages. Ikkaku smiled and held him in place. "Plan sound good?"

"Yes, that sounds really nice..." Yumichika suddenly got a weird expression on his face, and Ikkaku kept nudging him into telling him what was up, no matter how many times he said it was nothing. Finally he came out with, "How funny would it be to tell people a year from now that we basically got together because of Renji and Ichigo's condoms, a fight, and me bawling in a parking lot? Yes Mom, _t__his_ is the basis of our relationship."

Ikkaku busted out laughing and started tickling the shit out of Yumichika.


	5. Chapter 5

Ikkaku's alarm woke him at eight o'clock, at which time he immediately rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, groggily wiping his eyes as he stared into the mirror. It wasn't as hard as it had used to be. Getting his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, he took a look at his new background for a minute, smiling at the photo of him and Yumichika hugging and smiling, their cheeks pressed together.

No new messages. Well, that was to be expected. It was pretty early still. Was it too early to call him? Probably. Ikkaku shrugged, pocketing his phone and sticking his toothbrush under the faucet. Rummaging in the cabinet for his pills, Ikkaku dug his knuckles into one eye with a yawn. He looked at his phone again, smiling enough that he had to lean over the sink to avoid getting toothpaste foam all down his front. Then he stretched and took a quick shower, venturing out into his front-room.

He wouldn't call Yumichika yet, no he was too considerate to do that on a Saturday. Ikkaku wondered if Yumichika was still sleeping at the moment. Humming a little, he decided he'd wait, no matter how excited he was to talk to him again and confirm the plans they'd made last night. Looking towards the wall-clock, he decided he wouldn't call until at least noon, which was three and a half hours away still.

Ikkaku leaned his bum against the wall for a minute, frowning boredly, before a large scowl came over his face.

What he _would_ do was call that bastard, Renji!

Of course, it was Saturday, so that fucker was still sleeping and didn't pick up his phone, but Ikkaku was relentless, and called ten times in a row until Renji finally answered. "Fuck off calling," Ikkaku heard mumbled into the receiver, Renji's tone sleepy and cranky, reading all over that he was _not_ _happy_ with Ikkaku. Good, the feeling was mutual. "It's too early, Ikkaku, go 'way."

"You've got some fucking explaining to do, kid," Ikkaku snapped. "The fuck kinda' shit are you tryin' ta' pull?"

"What're you mad about?"

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?! Why would you _not_ tell me about Yumichika already being in a relationship?!" Ikkaku shouted, already hearing some vague yelling in the distance from the next apartment over, telling him to shut up. He lowered his voice accordingly; best not to piss off his new neighbors.

Renji was quiet on the line for a minute, and Ikkaku could hear rustling. "Well?"

"Alright, alright, just shut up for a minute," Renji grouched, and Ikkaku could hear him get up and close a door, probably to avoid disturbing Ichigo's sleep.

"I thought you were my friend! _Fuck _you, man!" Ikkaku raged.

"So, he told you, huh?" Renji said, sounding more awake. "I warned you, Senpai. I told you this would happen."

"You didn't tell me _shit," _Ikkaku replied viciously, baring his teeth in an act of aggression. "Thanks a lot, you fuckin' dickhead. I had to figure out how to handle him _scream_-crying in a parking lot."

"Holy shit, what happened last night?"

Ikkaku took a breath to rage at him about how he hated him for always screwing him over, but oddly all that came out was, "I got another date." This dopey smile shot across his face and wouldn't leave.

"Dude, you're home-wrecking? That is _not _cool."

"The fuck, I'm no home-wrecker! It's just a date!"

"..."

Ikkaku shifted his weight a few times, waiting for a response, but was just met with a sigh and a profession of how dumb he was. "Oi!"

"Ikkaku, why would you even- Fuck, never mind. I'm going back to bed."

"I hope you slip and hurt yourself before you get there," Ikkaku shot into the phone, smirking at the 'why' Renji replied with. "For lying to me."

"God-damnit, I didn't lie. You just didn't listen, as usual."

"Fuck off," Ikkaku growled.

"Maybe I will!" Renji called back. "I'm going back to bed. I still say don't get involved with him, though," he said again, referencing this Yumichika-business. "You're fucked up to be dragging each other into each other's shitty lives."

"Whatever man," Ikkaku replied, listening to Renji's exasperated sigh-groan as he hung up. He didn't give one ounce of a fuck if this would turn out to be a mess. He liked Yumichika and no one was gonna' chase him off, least of all Yumichika's shitty boyfriend.

_Ex-_boyfriend.

_He_ was Yumichika's boyfriend now.

Ikkaku grinned to himself, clicking the radio on as he prowled around the house, doing some cleaning and organizing of the boxes he'd moved in with. Just as quickly as the grin came, it disappeared though. Shit. He had a boyfriend.

That was as terrifying as it was exciting, because, what the fuck did he do now? He'd never _had_ a boyfriend. Ikkaku didn't know _shit_ about this. He just knew what felt right, and that probably wasn't any way to go, because he'd gotten into all sorts of bad situations just because it had 'felt good' at the time.

He'd been going by what he knew from TV so far, and that hadn't turned out so well for him, considering their date last night had been a veritable train wreck. The only _real_ examples he had to use as a relationship template were either Rangiku's relationship with Ichimaru, and um, _no. _There was Hisagi and Kira, but who the hell was gonna' turn out as perfect as them? That left Ichigo and Renji, and from the sounds of it, things were getting a little rocky for them too.

He really hoped Renji could sort the issue out, because tings weren't looking too good for him right about then. Ikkaku knew the guy too well, and that dopey act he pulled was just a mere disguise for the turmoil and hurt he felt within. Renji was working through some shit, and Ikkaku just had to pray that his relationship with Ichigo wasn't about to fall the fuck apart, because those two had been together for ages now. They'd been together now longer than they'd been single, since meeting each other. It just didn't sit right with him that they might break up.

If Ikkaku couldn't ask _Renji_ for advice - not that he would - then who could he turn to? He didn't wanna' fuck this whole thing up and be just another jerk-guy Yumichika had wasted time on.

Fuck, he was overthinking it. He liked Yumichika and Yumichika liked him. Everything would work out if he'd just keep it cool. That was about the time Ikkaku dropped to the floor right there and crossed his legs, grabbing onto either ankle. He squeezed his eyes shut and set about eliminating doubt from his heart for about an hour.

By the time the thoughts about last night stopped swirling within him, he felt a lot calmer. All the guilt over possibly taking advantage of Yumichika's vulnerability and loneliness, all the worry that Yumichika wouldn't accept him if he found out anything about his past, all was going away. No, he wasn't _going_ to find out. Ikkaku had put that behind him. he didn't even think about it every day like he'd used to.

He scratched his stomach a little, coming out of his meditative state.

Yesterday's date had gone okay until the end of the night, but Ikkaku was going to do even better today. He figured, Yumichika was already with him, and he had nothing to lose, so no pressure. He had all the time in the world now to get to know him. Everything was peaches, golden, roses, any generic all-around good thing. He'd be happy. Yumichika would be happy. They'd _both_ be happy. It seemed so simple, but simple happiness was a lot more than either of them had had in a while. Ikkaku was a firm believer that sometimes two lonely people just had to find each other by chance, by luck, and it just _sparked_.

God damn, after all the hell he'd put himself through, after getting away from it _finally_ and resolving to a quiet life, Ikkaku just really wanted this. He _so wanted_ this, he was _so_ _ready_ to be in love, to be good for somebody; he was ready to settle down.

He could tell that he was, because never had he thought he could be happy living a shitty domestic idyllic life until he'd met Yumichika. Sure, Ikkaku had changed, he'd resolved himself to this before he'd met him, but now he'd have a physical substantial reason _why_ he'd done it besides that damn scar on his chest.

Ikkaku dug his nails into the raised part that still ached, right over his heart. Glancing at the clock, seeing that it was around ten thirty, he decided he couldn't wait much more.

After the longest half-hour of his life, he made it to eleven o'clock; by then he felt like he couldn't wait a moment longer, but he pushed himself into doing p90x and then taking another shower.

When he got out, it was finally noon. That was plenty enough time for Yumichika to have started his day.

Shooting Yumichika a text to see if he was awake, he only had to wait about ten anxious minutes before he got a reply. He then took the opportunity to call him, since Ikkaku would rather hear Yumichika's voice than stab buttons and wait for a reply that might not come. He wasn't big on texting, something that had always pissed Renji off in high school.

Yumichika picked up after five rings. Ikkaku had to check the phone screen for a minute to see that the call had started, because there was no sound for a few seconds. Ikkaku asked if anyone was there, and then Yumichika finally said, "Hello."

Ikkaku grinned at the sound of his voice, it not fully registering to him as he stomped into his kitchen and opened the fridge door to make himself something to eat that Yumichika sounded awful.

"Hey! Ya' still feel like comin' over, hot-stuff?" Ikkaku asked eagerly, holding the phone between his shoulder and cheek, pulling some sandwich ingredients out of his fridge. The phone was cold on his bare skin, as he had just gotten out of the shower again. He scratched frantically at his chest as the fridge-air hit his shot nerve-endings. He just needed a quick snack for some extra energy - maybe a peanut butter and banana sandwich - before he'd get started with painting. He wanted to get done quick so that he and Yumichika could hang out.

He wished he hadn't just moved in; if he were already settled it'd be easier to invite Yumichika over, since all his stuff would already look nice and organized. Then again, he was living on his own, which was a huge plus. Self-sufficiency meant that there was no annoying roommate interrupting their time whenever Yumichika came over, which was good.

It'd probably be good to show Yumichika that Ikkaku could take care of him - that Kaa guy obviously hadn't been doing a great job. Ikkaku was miles ahead. His fighting career was going pretty okay, and was well-paying. That meant he'd have no problem protecting Yumichika from any crazy exes, catcalls, or unforeseen hospital expenses.

On top of that, Ikkaku could cook somewhat and kept his house clean for the most part. He could wash dishes and clothes, he could take care of sick people and was okay around kids, and top of that, he could build pretty much anything. He was a decent catch, if he did say so himself. The only problem Ikkaku could see coming up was that Yumichika might not be comfortable dating a kickboxer. Ikkaku knew plenty of guys he'd fought against who would lose their girlfriend once she found out.

Ikkaku didn't see a reason for Yumichika to find out just yet anyways. He was off-season, and his only real job right now was to train and check in with his manager once in a while. No, there was no need for Yumichika to know. Of course, Ikkaku wouldn't lie if Yumichika explicitly asked what he did for a living, but he wasn't gonna' bring it up himself.

Either way, once Yumichika came over and saw his new apartment, he hoped he'd get a sense that Ikkaku was a stable guy - which had been completely un-fucking true until a few months ago. It was just, Ikkaku wanted Yumichika to feel secure after the shit he'd gone through with his ex. Ikkaku wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to him, to keep the sparkle in those beautiful eyes.

He wouldn't be like Kaa and make Yumichika fend for himself. No, Ikkaku was gonna' spoil him until he was a complete brat. He'd treat him so good that by the time Yumichika found out about his job and his past, he wouldn't even care.

"I'm not hot. I'm cool," Yumichika replied flatly, voice a little listless and wispy as if he'd been crying again. Ikkaku's smile faded, and he couldn't find it in him to laugh at the joke. Yumichika sounded kind of... _sick._

_"_Oh shit, you don't sound so good," Ikkaku commented with a worried tone. "Are you okay? Ya' throwing up?"

"I didn't sleep much. I don't feel well." Yumichika's voice came grainily through the receiver, sounding like he needed to cough to clear his throat. Ikkaku was at least happy about the fact that he hadn't lied and reflexively said 'I'm fine'. That didn't make the fact that Yumichika felt shitty any better though.

"Whatsa' matter?"

"I'm still a little… uhh, down," Yumichika said quietly, clarifying, "from yesterday. It just hurts." Ikkaku frowned in sympathy. Of _course_ it hurt to finally let go of someone after so long, even if they'd been a chronic mental abuser. Poor Yumichika, not feeling well, all by his lonesome.

"Aw, I'm sorry yer' sad, sweetheart." Ikkaku was willing to drop his plans to paint to go over there and see him, wherever he was staying. "Ya' need me ta' come take care a' ya'? I'll make ya' a cake if ya' want." He put some bread in the toaster and started slicing up a banana with a butter knife. Immensely unsatisfied with the dull edge, he frowned at it and chopped the fruit rapidly with an unnecessary show of skill. Shit, if only he hadn't-... No, not now.

"If you need anything, just say so. I'll say 'how high' and frickin'... 'silver platter' and all that," Ikkaku assured, but Yumichika declined the offer, sounding a little better already.

"No, no, that's all right."

"It's no trouble. I want to."

"It's okay. It's really okay."

"If you say so, then it is," Ikkaku replied, sticking the fruit pieces on to the peanut buttered slice of bread and then closing the other slice on top of it.

Yumichika was quiet for a minute. "I'm lying. I'm not okay, but I don't want to accept your kindness," he admitted then. "I don't want to cause trouble for you. You said you were painting today, you don't need to waste time worrying about me." Ikkaku set down the knife and put a hand on his hip.

"Yumichika, you are no trouble, and if you are, you're worth it to me, you hear me?" Ikkaku said, "Don't you ever call yourself a waste of time, cause' _that's_ a waste of time." Yumichika made an uncertain noise. "Look, Yumichika, are you sick, or just sad?"

"Maybe sick from sadness. It'll pass soon. It may be contagious," he said, and Ikkaku couldn't tell if he was joking, since his voice was so flat that he couldn't pick up on any sarcasm.

"Alright, okay," Ikkaku conceded, taking a bite of his sandwich, talking with his mouth full. "You 'vust tell me whap' you wam', Yumipfka', and we'll do 'vat." He swallowed, clearing his throat. "Whatever you want, that's what I want."

"Well... alright," Yumichika hesitantly said. Ikkaku grinned a little. Just one step closer to a more selfish emotionally-secure boyfriend. "I'd still like to come visit, if that's okay?" Yumichika said very cautiously, immediately scrapping the idea with, "I understand if it's too early to invite me into your home-" Ikkaku gave a 'pssh' to cut him off, waving a hand even though Yumichika couldn't see it.

"You're not imposing. I invited you last night." Ikkaku then took another bite to eat, "Are ya' comin' today or tomorrow? Cuz' you can come both days, it's just I've got my niece's baptism ta' go to tomorrow. If you're not busy, maybe you could come to that too," Ikkaku offered flippantly. He just wanted Yumichika around a lot right from the get-go so they could get to know each other better.

"Um, I can come today, if it's not too short of notice," Yumichika said a little tentatively, testing the waters, thankfully not sounding so sad anymore. "Maybe tomorrow too. Are... Are you sure I should meet your family?"

"Why shouldn't you? You're my boyfriend now."

"Of course," Yumichika replied. "How does that plan sound, then?" he asked tentatively.

Yumichika shouldn't sound so nervous and shy; Ikkaku didn't like it at all. Ichigo and Renji had given him the impression that Yumichika had this tremendous sense of pride and vanity, more like how he'd acted the day they had met - snarky and confident - but now... he seemed really self-conscious, and it stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps it was just a remnant of the breakup, Ikkaku didn't know, but he definitely didn't like it. He could hear how weak, worthless, and miserable Yumichika felt, and he _hated _it.

Ikkaku wished with all his might that someday he might see the real person in there, that Yumichika would become comfortable enough to go back to his old self. Ikkaku wanted Yumichika to be the snarkiest, bitchiest, most spoilt, fucking _diva_ he'd ever meet. He wanted him to be snotty like when they'd first met, so much so that it would drive him fucking insane until his patience was out the window, because he loved how it made him feel.

He had loved that smug smirk and that stupid little hair flip and his flouncy walk. He loved the complaining and his quips and his 'ugly' comments_._ He wanted him conniving, brutally honest, and manipulative. He didn't want to have to defend Yumichika from people, rather the other way _around. _

He just wanted everything, embracing the flaws and the friction. Even that bitchy, bratty, spoiled attitude of Yumichika's just endeared him to him even more. He just knew that this was right, that this was what he was meant to do, because when Yumichika acted like that, that was when he felt free, happy, and that's what Ikkaku wanted more than anything.

"Sweet. That sounds perfect," Ikkaku reassured when Yumichika still didn't sound very sure of himself. "You wanna' come over _now? _I'll come pick ya' up if ya' want. I'm not doin' anything right now, it won't be a problem."

"I'll drive myself," Yumichika said, and Ikkaku relented for now. Baby steps. "Just tell me your address."

"Suna Apartment complex… Ah… Room 621? The room numbers are funny, it's actually on floor three, not floor six. Damn new building," Ikkaku complained with a scoff. "I just moved in, if I didn't tell you already, so I don't really know how to get here from your place, whereever that is. You could check the address on Google maps if it'd help. I'll tell you the area code and everything and you can write it down."

"Oh, okay, let me get a pen." After five careful minutes of Ikkaku making sure he'd gotten everything right so that he wouldn't get lost, Yumichika asked him, "When should I come over?"

"When do you _wanna'_ come over?" Ikkaku countered, trying to get his boyfriend to relax a little more and stomp on him some. Ikkaku was begging to be walked on, he'd be a goddamn _doormat_ if Yumichika wanted, anything other than Yumichika being afraid to put one toe out of line.

God, what had that son of a bitch, Kaa, done to this poor guy's self-esteem? It seemed like Yumichika didn't remember how to date properly - which sucked, because Ikkaku didn't even have anything to _remember._ Looks like they'd both be playing this by ear. Ikkaku had never touched an instrument in his _life_, so this might not go too well.

"I..." Yumichika paused, not seeming to be able to accept that answer, "Ikkaku-"

"Yumichika, just come over," Ikkaku said with an exasperated laugh. "Make yourself pretty, eat some lunch maybe, do whatever, and then when you're ready, just come over. You won't be interrupting anything important, I promise. I've got the whole day open."

"Okay," Yumichika finally said with a sigh.

"I can't wait to see you." Ikkaku noticed that ever since Yumichika's confidence had been shot to hell, saying nice things to him was a piece of cake - like a _whole cake._

There was a slight pause at those words, and then a noise that was sort of like a cough. Ikkaku grinned; he couldn't see to be sure, but he was pretty confident that Yumichika was blushing, just a little. "Oh yeah," Ikkaku snapped his fingers, "and if you can, put on some clothes that you won't mind wearing outside or getting paint on, okay? I won't _try_ to get you dirty, but it still might happen, so..."

Yumichika was quiet for a minute. "You want.. Wait, I don't get it. Clothes that can get ruined _and be seen in public?_" Yumichika stuttered then. "How do I even- I mean, won't it-"

"You don't have any work clothes you wouldn't mind wrecking?" Ikkaku asked incredulously. Well, Yumichika was a pretty classy guy from what he'd seen, with nice expensive clothes. Ikkaku shrugged. "You can borrow some of mine if you want."

"I can't be seen outside like that!" Yumichika snapped, then realizing he had done so, he said more quietly, "I- I'll find something. It's fine. That way I won't be a complete disgrace."

Ikkaku frowned deeply. "As if that could ever happen," he said lowly. "I'm sure whatever you pick will be great. I can't wait to show you off." Ikkaku smirked a little, hearing a clatter on the other side of the line, like something had fallen. Testing his limits, he then said, "You looked really cute last night, so I figure you'll look good in anything." Ikkaku tried not to laugh when he heard a loud _thump._

For a second, Ikkaku thought that might've been too much and he'd scared him off, but Yumichika exceeded his expectations once again and said, "I also look good in nothing."

Ikkaku choked on his own spit, and almost dropped the phone, spending a good twenty seconds coughing.

"Are you okay?" Yumichika asked a few times, and when Ikkaku could finally speak, red-faced, he glared at the wall, holding the phone to his ear.

"Are you coming over or not?" he growled in embarrassment. Yumichika laughed a little, teasing him a couple times until Ikkaku repeated his question.

"I'll come over in about half an hour. Is that good?"

"That's great," Ikkaku replied, still blushing like mad, hoping his voice was steady. "I'll see you soon, Yumichika."

"Okay."

"I'll be waiting. Drive safe," Ikkaku said, holding onto the phone tightly with a growing smile, eyes on the ground.

"Bye, Ikkaku," Yumichika answered with a smile in his voice, hanging up afterwards. Ikkaku grinned as the line went dead. Yumichika already had a knack for making Ikkaku forget - even for short moments - who he had been before.

He closed a hand over the left side of his shirt.

* * *

"Ugh," Ichigo groaned, raising a hand to his eyes and rubbing them, still mostly asleep. He figured he'd gotten another couple hours in after Renji had been fucking around earlier on the phone, damn him. Ichigo had only been half-awake at the time, but it had sounded like Ikkaku had found out about Kaa. Poor guy. It had been a good try, but maybe the guy was meant to stay single for the rest of his days.

Ichigo had forgotten what it was like to be on his own, so he couldn't really empathize that much, but Madarame was probably feeling like shit right about now. Subconsciously, Ichigo started reaching his arm out, feeling the bare mattress next to him where the sheets had been yanked away. Hadn't Renji come back to bed?

"Hey," Ichigo said, the word being overtaken by a yawn as he nudged around. In doing so, he knocked against Renji, who was hugging him tightly with his face pressed into his stomach. "Ren-shinku. _Hey,"_ Ichigo called sleepily, still a little disoriented, since he hadn't yet opened his eyes.

He yawned again, rubbing his knuckles into his eyesockets, then finally looking down at the leech on his waist with a blank expression that sort of said, 'oh, there you are.'

After Renji had come back to bed, he'd fallen into a restless sleep, having squirmed down the mattress so far that his feet were hanging off of the bed. He'd pulled up Ichigo's cotton T-shirt to put his cheek on his warm skinny ribs. There was an ocean of scarlet hair spread over the bed, tangled and still slightly damp from a late-night shower.

Ichigo rubbed his eyes again, wiped out some sand, and blinked blearily at Renji, whose face was relaxed and vulnerable looking without the crinkles between his thick eyebrows. His long reddish eyelashes were brushing Ichigo's stomach, and there were a few soft hairs creeping up on Renji's cheeks where he'd failed to grow a beard.

Renji's tattoos were set in stark contrast to his skin tone in this low light, and before Ichigo knew it, he was tracing one on his forehead. It had become somewhat of a habit of his, and was a constant source of distraction due to the fact that those tattoos were very _involved_ when it came to certain intimacies. Ichigo had long since perfected the art of sending his kisses up them in a path that was guaranteed to give Renji a full body shudder.

Those marks had been there for so long that it was almost hard for Ichigo to think of the times before they'd been there. It was like they were a _part_ of Renji now, and when he thought of his boyfriend or described him, that was the first thing that came up besides 'red hair, and I mean _red.'_

Ichigo especially favored the ones on Renji's back, which reminded him somewhat of wings, and were perfect tracks for Ichigo to rake his fingernails down - which Renji was really into. Ichigo smiled a little, running an open palm along Renji's cheek, moving a few strands of hair off his face.

There was a downside to the tattoos, of course. They were always getting looked at weirdly by people, the authorities, and Renji had a tough time at job interviews too. The physical cons came as well, since the inks had to be maintained. A couple years back, Renji had spent a summer working on a ferry _and _as a lifeguard at a pool, and as a result, his tattoos had faded enough that Renji had started going nuts over it. He'd gone in to get them redone a while after that, which had been an unpleasant experience to say the least - and that was just from _Ichigo's_ point of view, and Ichigo hadn't even gone with him to the tattoo shop. He'd just had to deal with his grumpy lover after he'd come home. Renji had had bandages and scabs all over him, and had just lay on the couch naked with ice packs and wet towels everywhere for _days._ Ichigo had hardly been able to stand listening to him curse his soul out in the bathroom every time he had to piss, because there were tattoos down _there_ too.

Even with the hassle, Ichigo still liked them. He always had, even though it had been weird growing up together, wondering when Renji was gonna' fully settle into his style. Ichigo's dad had been hesitant to let them keep dating when Renji had started getting more and more tattoos, but he'd had personal reasons to get them and hadn't turned into some delinquent any more than they already were, what with the way they were always getting into scuffles in alleys after school. They'd been good students despite all the fights, and luckily Isshin had thought that was more important, and had even given Renji lots of advice on how to keep from getting his tattoos infected. His family had always been supportive of them like that; it had made everything easier in a time as awkward and uncertain as adolescence.

Ichigo dug his finger through Renji's bolt-sideburn, yawning and then smiling fondly, content to watch Renji sleep for a little while longer. He didn't get a lot of chances to openly stare at his boyfriend, since Ichigo would never do so if anyone knew about it, Renji in particular. He'd get too smug if he knew how handsome Ichigo found him. When he was sleeping of course - that cocky smirk was anything but handsome.

Ichigo rubbed Renji's nose with his fingertip, watching it twitch once in response. Renji's mouth was open a little, showing straight teeth with a few fillings he'd gotten in his adult life. A long long time ago, Renji had had to hoard Halloween candy for months to survive the winter, which had given him a lot of cavities that the orphanage couldn't afford to fix. That had been an unpleasant trip to the dentist's, once Ichigo had found out about it. Renji was damn near impossible to deal with when it came to dentists and doctors. The injections and drills and surgical knives freaked him the fuck out. It sucked for him that his boyfriend was in medical school.

Ichigo smirked a little, remembering the time he'd had to literally _drag_ him into the E.R. for displaced cartilage. The prospect of having a crooked nose for the rest of his life hadn't been daunting enough to make Renji want to be there. Ichigo pinched that spot, trying to feel for the break, but he let go quickly when Renji almost woke up. He gave a grunt, nose scrunching up against the perceived irritant, and Ichigo held his breath to keep extra still.

Renji then gave a breathy sigh, smacking his lips and settling back down, mouth opening slightly again. It gave him a cute look that was probably impossible to catch on him awake and sober.

Ichigo gave a deep sigh, deciding that it was time to get out of bed. They had to get groceries today. "Hey, wake up." Ichigo prodded Renji a little, running his fingers through his snarly hair, which was everywhere, as usual. He was really glad that Renji hadn't cut it off back when he'd had that lifeguard job. With all the chlorine, Renji had seriously been considering just cutting it_ short_-short to avoid the tangled frizzy knot it became. Ichigo would've still loved him, of course, but he would've missed countering those stupid fruit jokes with some of his own.

That 'red pineapple' t-shirt wouldn't have made sense anymore either.

Renji mumbled in response, big feet twitching. His eyelashes flickered a couple times, giving a sporadic, almost seizure-like view of the dark brown eyes beneath. He grunted once, before he simply drifted back to sleep again. Ichigo rolled his eyes, trying to heft Renji off him, but shit, Renji had gained weight and Ichigo had _lost_ weight, so he just flopped back down with an annoyed groan when it proved too difficult.

"C'mon, get up, lazy-ass," Ichigo snapped, still not too vicious this soon after waking up as he slapped around at Renji's back. "You're drooling into my belly button." He completely gave up on moving Renji, muttering about him being like a cat who can't be moved when they fall asleep on something. "Fuckin' slug," Ichigo griped.

Suddenly Renji pinned him to the bed and blew a raspberry on his bare stomach, causing Ichigo to emit a high-pitched screech and a full-body spasm. He almost kicked Renji in the crotch, thrashing around and laughing as Renji tickled the daylights out of him.

Ichigo tried to scramble away, almost falling head-first off the bed, but Renji yanked him back towards him by the ankle, tickling his skinny ribs. The orange-head shoved him away, wriggling like a drowning person, but Renji latched onto his wrist, pulling him right back in to his bare chest and locking him there. Renji noogied him a little and tightly kissed his cheek for a full two seconds with a sappy sound effect. "I heard that, lil' shit," Renji crooned, biting him playfully.

"I thought you were asleep," Ichigo grumped, pouting a little as he pulled his shirt down over his stomach, embarrassed at the high-pitched scream he'd been unable to control. He made a show of wiping the kiss off and crossed his arms; Renji raised his eyebrow with a small smirk. Ichigo only denied his affections like that when he was embarrassed, which was why it usually only happened in public.

"I could use some more sleep," Renji said, and he could. Ichigo felt bad about it, because there were dark circles under his lover's usually bright eyes. He'd stayed up almost all night studying for his differential equations exam. Renji had his heart set on becoming an engineer and was very serious about his schooling, just as Ichigo held equal drive to become a doctor.

Renji scowled just thinking about it. Fucking Ichigo and his night school and his inability to spend time with him. Hmph. Renji didn't even care that it meant that the sex was spread out. More important than that, their opposite schedules meant that they couldn't even eat meals or do fun things or even _normal_ things together anymore. Even when they had days off together, Ichigo spent almost all of the daylight hours in bed.

He'd used to be able to go and sit in the restaurant Ichigo worked at as a busboy, and study in an empty booth, because even being near Ichigo was better than nothing. At some point, Renji had ended up being banned from the establishment after some piece of shit had gotten in Ichigo's face over something or other. Ichigo had been in his place of employment and couldn't do anything really, so Renji had clobbered the guy _for_ him. The downside of that was that now Renji couldn't come within five hundred feet of Ichigo's workplace, which sucked, because he'd liked their burgers.

Shit, he just _missed_ Ichigo. They'd used to go do all kinds of stuff together. They'd go to parties with their friends, to bars, to clubs, to the beach, to concerts, or even just to dinner together. They'd had a date night, they'd go see movies and do arcade-crawls. They'd gone to the zoo, to amusement parks, to tourist-spots; they'd done everything that Renji had been deprived of as a kid, everything that Ichigo had been too depressed to do after his mother died. What had happened to that?

Well, life had happened. Renji had to work two shitty jobs to help support them, and Ichigo was up at all hours of the night doing on-the-job schooling in the E.R., not to mention formal classes at university. Renji had school too, and the time they had off didn't overlap often. Their problem was always time and money, and not having enough.

Renji hated it, he fucking hated that following their dreams was keeping them apart, but that was it, huh? Stupid payoffs. Stupid college and bills and work. Stupid _fucking__ work, _and getting the rent in, and Ichigo's car that had had a boot on it for half a year now, and _stupid_ planning for a vacation that was supposed to cause the opposite of stress. The list never fucking ended.

"Well, sorry," Ichigo replied after a minute, brow pinching in concern, not really bringing Renji back out of his typical morning 'fuck life' stupor.

Renji was sitting there with this dull, blank expression, kind of like a zombie, the frustration that had built on his face leaving just as quick as it had come as the fatigue took over. He could tell Renji was on the verge of falling asleep again just sitting there, because the scowl had melted off his face and his eye lids were drooping.

"Ren-chu," he called. "... _Hey._" Ichigo snapped his fingers in front of Renji's face, and when that failed to rouse him, he grabbed Renji's jaw and turned his head to make him look in his direction.

Renji's half-closed eyes opened a little further when they focused on his sleepy-boyfriend, whose frown lines hadn't redefined themselves this early in the day. Ichigo always looked so cute in the morning. He'd be nice to snuggle up to and use as a pillow as Renji got some more sleep. Yeah, sleep sounded really nice. Sleep and some cuddling, just as soon as he could lay his head down. Just as soon as... just...

Renji's head began nodding, held up only by Ichigo's grip. "We gotta' go grocery shopping. The fridge is empty." _That_ woke Renji up.

He looked at Ichigo with this paranoid expression as if he had just told him that he had only a few hours left to live. Oh no, not the _food! _Immediately, his stomach began to growl _loudly_, and Ichigo gave him a concerned look.

But Renji then gave a loud 'pssh' and waved his hand. "It's not _all the way _empty. Can't we last the weekend?"

Ichigo looked at him strangely, having a completely different idea of what real food was. As far as he was concerned, two week old shrimp on crackers was not a_ meal_. He knew that Renji was more okay with eating 'questionable' food than he was, because he'd had to eat stuff like that to keep from starving. He wouldn't be surprised if Renji had been forced to eat out of trash cans before to keep from going hungry. It explained why Renji would eat basically anything that fell on the floor.

There was no way he was going to win a 'no, don't eat that, it's gone bad,' argument with Renji, and there was _definitely_ no way that Ichigo was going to admit how dirt poor they'd become, because they were almost out of this rut, and things were going to get better - good enough that wouldn't have to _have_ those arguments about whether food had gone off or was still good.

Luckily, this escape was a sure thing. Just as soon as the end of this semester, which would give Ichigo more time to work. They'd have more money then, but until then, Ichigo wasn't going to stand for either of them to skip meals or eat rotten food. There was no way he was letting Renji feel hunger, _real_ hunger ever again. Ichigo would beg his dad for money before he let that happen, and he'd sworn to himself that he'd never ask his dad for money ever again.

He tried to keep Renji out of those situations altogether, because Renji hated seeing food thrown away, even if it was clearly not fit to eat. Renji had seriously _just_ stopped having those nightmares where he would wake up _starving_, and Ichigo wasn't willing to go back to that. Renji had made so much progress; he'd been sleeping through the night for months now. He'd left nearly all his childhood horrors behind.

Only one remained.

"Unless you want to eat ketchup for dinner tonight," Ichigo said scornfully, "or shrimp that's about to turn."

"It's not gone bad, babe. It's got a couple of days left." Yep, just as he'd thought. Ichigo didn't care how good Renji thought his nose was, there was no way he was letting them eat seafood that was even _possibly _tainted, because neither of them could afford to be sick during finals. They couldn't afford to be sick _period. _

"As appealing as hepatitis sounds, yellow is just not my color," Ichigo quipped, knowing that _that_ would get Renji to give up.

"You're stupid," Renji said after a moment, unable to think of a comeback after just waking up.

"Get ready," Ichigo said then, slapping Renji's leg gently as he stood up. Renji dragged him back down with a whine. "Renji, let's go."

"I'm telling you, the food's fine."

Ichigo huffed then. "The fact remains that even if we _did_ eat the tainted shrimp, there's not _enough_ to feed both of us. We're throwing it out, and we're going to the grocery store."

"But we can't go today, it's the weekend," Renji said, as if his argument made perfect sense, and Ichigo tried to remind himself that Renji was sleep-deprived and that he might get really cranky if he wasn't patient with him.

"Renji," he said in a tone he'd use with a little kid, "they're open all week."

"I just wanna' stay here with you," Renji complained, trying to snuggle back up to Ichigo, who was left wondering why Renji would ever argue _against _going to get more food. Ichigo tolerated it for a few seconds before it became obvious that Renji had no intention of getting out of bed ever again. "Mmmmm," Renji hummed contentedly, "You're extra handsome this morning." Renji kissed his neck with a little noise, and Ichigo just put up with it for a minute, giving the wall a dead-pan stare. "Feel like some pineapple?"

"Shut your tattooed-ass up." Ichigo shoved him off, booting him out of bed. Renji got up with a pout at the rejection. "Go eat some breakfast, we're going to the store."

Oh wait. There _was_ no breakfast. They didn't have bread, or cereal, or eggs. They didn't even have _rice._

Renji just shuffled around with his lip still sticking out in a snit, and Ichigo turned around so he wouldn't break down at the puppy-eyes. "... We _could_ go in the afternoon," Renji said sulkily, and given his bad case of bedhead, Ichigo couldn't take him seriously.

"That's in like twenty minutes. Besides, you have ta' study, hun," Ichigo said patiently, without thinking. After a moment, what he had let slip out caught up with his brain, and he stood up straight from where he was rummaging in the dresser. He could practically _hear_ Renji smirking at him and it pissed him off. "I'm gonna' hit you so hard if you give me that shit-eating grin. You call me _tater-tot_ sometimes, I don't need to hear shit from y-" At that point, Renji grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, kissing him silent. Ichigo sighed into it, calming down.

"Love you, you stupid-ass-workaholic-moron," Renji mumbled into his mouth, holding Ichigo against him by his ass.

"Love you too, you fucking dorky-cheese-head," Ichigo answered, stress seeping out of his frame. Renji inwardly whooped, cause' he'd gotten Ichigo to do that thing where he'd throw his stress out the window, even if only for a short while. It was always best to start the day off with Ichigo's stress-thermometer at the bottom.

Renji put his hands on his hips and picked him up, letting Ichigo wrap his legs around his waist, his weight settling against his strong arms. Renji loved doing this; it wasn't often that he had to look up at Ichigo to kiss him, and on top of that, they just fit so nicely together like this.

Renji stood there for a few moments with his eyes open a little, smiling onto Ichigo's lips as his orange-haired lover started getting into it, trying to deepen the kiss. Renji promptly sealed his mouth. "No tongue in the morning," he reminded. Ichigo seemed disappointed for a moment before leaning back with a brilliant smile.

Fuck, that smile still got Renji weak in the knees every time. He was the only one who ever got to see it, and maybe that was what made it strike him so heavily. Every time he saw it he was reminded of why he'd fallen in love with this gorgeous idiot. He was fucking _perfect._

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Ichigo grinned a little more, that special open smile that he saved just for him. Renji bumped their foreheads together, absolutely smitten. "Hey," Ichigo said, still with that fucking innocent facial expression that made Renji warm inside. He wished he got to see it more often, but sadly, Ichigo was seldom carefree and happy these days. His night classes really stressed him out, and it really worried Renji sometimes. Ichigo had lost weight and hadn't been sleeping or eating well.

He'd seen the toll this was taking on Ichigo, and he was starting to wonder if Ichigo was even happy being with him anymore, if all this pressure was worth it. Their life was a mess, and he wondered sometimes if Ichigo just didn't feel the spark anymore, if he ever felt trapped. Stress does lots of damaging shit to people, and he was starting to think it might be better if Ichigo didn't have to waste his time worrying about him.

Thoughts like that really fucked with his mind, because he didn't know if he'd be able to make that sacrifice, even if it was the best thing for Ichigo.

Renji didn't know if he could live without him at this point. They'd been together for so long, that he didn't know how to be by himself anymore. What was worse was that he didn't know what he'd do if it came to that point of Ichigo leaving him. Could he let go, even if it meant it would end Ichigo's suffering? Or would he hold on for his own selfish reasons? He didn't know if he had the strength to say goodbye, and that was a horrible thought to think, to think that he could be such a twisted horrible person.

"Oi, Renji," Ichigo said suddenly, snapping Renji back to reality.

"Yeah, baby?" He tried to say it lightly, not wanting to destroy this precious moment where Ichigo was smiling like that. He couldn't let him know; he couldn't let him see how much this had been eating at him.

He couldn't let him know how scared he was, but the fact remained that Ichigo could check out of his life as easily as a hotel room. The thought alone terrified him.

"I have the night off. That's why I thought we should shop now, so you could study this afternoon, and then we'll have the night free. I'll make some snacks while you work, and then we'll eat them tonight and watch some movies, maybe," Ichigo suggested, "or we could play Marioparty."

And just like that, all of his fears melted away. What was he worrying about, Ichigo _loved_ him. Being paranoid wasn't helping anything. Maybe all that shit about Ichigo being better off without him was true, but Renji could still value the time he had until Ichigo figured that out.

He loved the fucking idiot, alright? He got how lucky he was. He knew how special Ichigo was, how many people would kill for a chance with him. Renji knew how blessed he was, because it seemed like everyone that met Ichigo couldn't help but fall a little in love with him. Ichigo had something special. He had this power over people that just... made them come alive.

Maybe Ichigo could feel that. Maybe that was why he put up with all Renji's childish behavior and his jealousy and his messiness. Maybe Ichigo knew in his heart that Renji would give absolutely anything for him.

Renji smiled, nuzzling Ichigo's cheek a little.

Ichigo was looking at him with a little concern, as if he could sense Renji's unease. Renji was quick to blow it off, going back to teasing him a little, hugging his thin upper body close to him, urging Ichigo to wrap his legs tighter around his waist.

He gave a shit-eating grin to eliminate any of Ichigo's suspicion, because he knew how perceptive his boyfriend could be. "Sounds good. Maybe I can get you drunk enough to suck my-"

"Shhhh." Ichigo put a finger on his lips, flashing a grin and then leaning in to kiss him hard. "Mmmm." Renji started to get into it, thinking about breaking the no-tongue rule just this once.

Before he could, Ichigo backed away, kissing him on the nose with bird lips that were so obscenely cute that Renji wanted to punch something. "Mwah," Ichigo punctuated with a smile, before he hopped down from Renji's arms, throwing his shirt off and into Renji's face.

"Rawr." Renji grinned doggishly, eyes gleaming, loving that body even though Ichigo's arms were getting skinnier, his ribs were showing too much, and his hips were sticking out more than normal. He still loved those chocolate eyes with the thin but long lashes, and he still loved that ruffled hair and the way that face glowed in the morning.

Ichigo took advantage of his 'my-boyfriend's-pretty' stupor and flashed those straight white teeth at him again, before tearing off down the hallway. Renji chased him into the bathroom, stopping just short enough to avoid having the door break his nose. "You are a fucking tease, Ichigo," he said with too much laughter in his voice for Ichigo to think that he was truly angry.

"Always with the whining," Ichigo teased back.

"Hey, I can't figure out some perfect trick ta' get you in the sack that'll work every time, like you got fer' me. Of course I'm whi-" Ichigo opened the door and threw his boxers in Renji's face, even though he knew Renji was joking.

"I can always get you in the sack because you always _want_ to be in the sack. You'd live in one if you could." Ichigo blew a raspberry just as Renji got a hold of his senses again. Ichigo waved at him, giving his naked body a little wriggle.

"Damnit!" Renji tried to grab him again, but Ichigo slammed and locked the door, laughing at him.

Eh whatever, Ichigo couldn't keep him from sleeping a little longer this way.

* * *

"Hey!" Ikkaku grinned, opening the door and ushering Yumichika into his apartment. "Welcome, n' shit."

Yumichika laughed a little bit, slipping off his sandals and walking inside, looking down at his paint clothes as if to ask if they were satisfactory. He twirled in a little circle, waiting for Ikkaku's input. Ikkaku gave a little whistle, taking his hand so Yumichika could twirl himself again slowly. Ikkaku gently raised their connected hands to make Yumichika spin back into his arms, where he held him trapped for a couple seconds, hugging him.

"Well, don't you look cute."

"Hush."

Missed ya' already, you little dork," Ikkaku said affectionately, gently head-butting the side of his face. Yumichika smiled, but it seemed somewhat gloomy. "Hey, you doin' okay? I'm worried about you, Yumichika." Ikkaku brushed his fingers concernedly at Yumichika's cheek, but Yumichika pushed his hand away.

"I'm feeling a bit better now that I'm here," he assured with a more believable smile.

"Good. And I meant it. You look, uh... cute," Ikkaku repeated, cheeks a little pink, since Yumichika's pretty eyes being turned on him as he said made it twenty times harder to say.

Yumichika had on an old blue t-shirt with a huge sunflower on the front, that was wrinkled and a bit too big for him. His jeans were tight and had rips and stains on them. Some would call the outfit tacky, but Ikkaku thought he was absolutely beautiful.

"Thank you." Yumichika smiled, looking at his bare feet. "You look good too. Your face, I mean; not your clothes. Your clothes are hideous." Ikkaku blinked, eyebrow twitching, before he grabbed Yumichika and noogied his head, fucking up his hair.

"Smartass," he said with laughter in his voice. "Whatcha' thinka' my apartment? I just moved in a little while ago." Ikkaku grinned excitedly, looking around at the half-painted walls.

It was a pre-furnished apartment, and obviously the furniture was worn out and really ugly. Ikkaku hadn't gotten around to buying some nicer things for himself since his fighting checks had started coming in. Almost immediately, Yumichika mentioned the paint-smell, so he opened a couple windows and turned on his fan.

"It's quite nice, there's a lot of space. I like it," Yumichika said, and Ikkaku beamed at the approval. "Do you plan on having a pet?"

"Eh... A fish, maybe. Something that doesn't need me to babysit it. Maybe a marimo, if I can find a place that provides 'em here." Yumichika smiled, mentioning that he had a cat.

"So," Ikkaku said, holding his arms out, noticing Yumichika's interested eyes on his muscles all too keenly. Maybe he should lose the shirt. It was dirty anyways. "Ya' like tha' color?"

"It's beautiful," Yumichika replied readily, still looking at Ikkaku. "You've gotten quite a bit on yourself, you clumsy idiot." He pointed at Ikkaku, giggling. Ikkaku looked down at himself. Oh, _that's_ why Yumichika had been staring. This shirt was pretty much unsalvageable at this point.

"Eh, it's my first time." Ikkaku grinned, setting his paint roller down on the plastic tarp. "I think I'm gonna' fuck up the molding, I don't have the patience for that tedious shit."

"Maybe I could do it?" Yumichika suggested. "I've never done it before, but I'm good at... tedious shit." Ikkaku looked at him for a minute before he started laughing lowly. Yumichika smiled at that. "I'm serious, I'll do it."

"Go for it. What do you think'll look good in contrast to tha' walls?" Ikkaku turned around, looking at the light blue he'd picked out. He'd had to use a steamer to get the old wallpaper off, and that had been a chore. He'd burnt himself a ton of times and had cussed enough that he'd gotten a few knocks on his door.

"Hm." Yumichika walked around his living room, spotting the burlap-covered furniture that was shoved into the hallway. "Maybe a dark grey, or navy... or white..." He drummed his fingers against his chin in thought. "What color is your couch?" he asked, trying to look under the tarp to get a look at it, but Ikkaku had attached it too well.

"Leave that there, babe. I'm gonna' put that thing in storage and get all new furniture. It's this shitty plaid print that came with the apartment." Yumichika wrinkled his nose and actually put a hand over his heart as if to say _'barbarians'_. Ikkaku could've sworn that Yumichika had literally gagged at the thought of such an ugly sofa.

"Good idea," he said, looking like he'd swallowed something sour. "Feh. Of course you can't just burn the apartment furniture, I don't know what I was thinking." Ikkaku snorted in response. "Ikea has some nice things."

"Yeah, I was planning on going there. I'll probably need Renji's help, since he has a pick-up truck... I'm no good at setting up rooms though, so it's probably gonna' look fucked up in here." Yumichika started laughing, seeming to appreciate Ikkaku's profanity for some reason.

Ikkaku wiped some sweat off his forehead, taking a look at his boyfriend, who was just watching him. "Hey, uh... Listen, I've been painting for a while, so maybe while the room airs out, we can go walk around? Maybe get somethin' ta' eat? I'd make ya' somethin' ta' eat here, but... these fumes are starting to get me," Ikkaku said, hiccuping once and then waving a hand in a circle as he tried to catch his breath, putting the back of his wrist to his nose. "We can walk through the strip mall."

"You need a break? That sounds nice."

"Great." Ikkaku grinned, climbing over the covered furniture and walking down the hall with Yumichika hesitantly following. "I just gotta' wipe this paint off and change my shirt."

"Okay, should I... should I wait here?" Yumichika asked, not feeling right about invading Ikkaku's privacy, knowing that they were coming closer to his bedroom.

"Ah, actually I got some spilled down my back when I was being an idiot, and I can't reach it... _or_ see it," Ikkaku said sheepishly, pointing around to the middle of his back. "If you don't mind, can you just get that?" Ikkaku stomped into the kitchen and got a washcloth from a drawer, running it under the sink. "Here ya' go." Ikkaku turned around and leaned on the counter, pulling the back of his shirt up to his neck, just enough to expose his back.

Yumichika bit his lip, eyes flicking over the curve of his spine. Kaa might've been extremely good-looking, enough so that he'd become a model, but Yumichika understood how rare it was for someone to be _this_ in shape. He had to admit that even _Renji_ had fallen off a little bit because of his hectic schedule. Ikkaku's back was cobra-shaped, tan and dotted with paint that had dripped down between his shoulder-blades. On top of that, he had a tool belt on, which somehow got Yumichika a little riled up.

"Oi," Ikkaku called when he'd been waiting for a few moments too long.

Yumichika approached smoothly so as not to reveal what he'd been thinking. He skated his cool fingertips over Ikkaku's skin as he wiped with his other hand. He realized that the paint and plaster dust was really stuck on there, so he actually had to scrub a little bit. A muscle in Ikkaku's back spasmed, twitching a couple times.

"Did that hurt?" Yumichika asked, slowing down.

"No, it's just... cold." Ikkaku laughed a little; it sounded kind of nervous. Yumichika put a hand on his shoulder... Of course it was cold. It had to be, what with how warm Ikkaku was.

"Alright, turn around," he asked softly. Ikkaku paused for a second, but then did so, slowly, after lowering his shirt down with shifty eyes. Yumichika's core tightened up for a second as he looked at the way fabric held against his skin up close. Ugh, it hadn't been so bad when he'd first came in, but to have Ikkaku so close to him with that rugged smell of his, it just drove Yumichika a little crazy. It wasn't like Ikkaku was a playgirl ad or something, but he had a nice body from the looks of it - the interesting part was that Yumichika got the feeling that it was just a byproduct of Ikkaku working hard doing heavy lifting or something, not because he was obsessed with getting muscles. That somehow made it more attractive, the allure of Ikkaku's strength, the raw power.

He dabbed at a spot on Ikkaku's neck, unable to meet his eyes, more focused on Ikkaku's tan and the texture of his skin. It was nice. He was so warm, and even though his muscles were hard, there was a layer of skin atop that, enough so that it would be comfortable to maybe use his stomach as a pillow. Yumichika poked him there with interest, and he could feel Ikkaku tense up after the second prod and turn his torso into a brick wall, but the moment before he'd been nice and soft. He smirked a little when Ikkaku pinched his arm with a low 'hey' of protest.

He tried tickling Ikkaku, who jolted and jumped back in alarm, glaring at him ineffectually. "Little shit," Ikkaku grouched, but Yumichika's knowing grin soon broke him, and Ikkaku pulled him into a quick embrace.

Yumichika felt like his heart was melting when he peeked up and saw Ikkaku's signature grin: wide, manic, and so _so_ endearing.

Ikkaku shook him around a little, playfully aggressive, and Yumichika smiled back at him. This idiot really was crazy - that was the only explanation - but the sparkle in his eyes and the honesty behind everything he did was bringing Yumichika back to earth.

Yumichika had lived with stagnation for a long time; he thought he was ready for a little craziness.


	6. Chapter 6

"Someone's at the door!... Renji? Renji!"

"Yeah?" Renji finally replied to his boyfriend's calling from his comfortable place in bed. He wasn't too big on the idea of getting up.

"Get the door, please! I'm in the shower!"

"I know yer' in the shower, I'm gettin' it," he replied, sitting up and leaving the room, but only because he didn't want Ichigo answering the door in a towel. Renji yawned, scratching his bare stomach as he shuffled towards their apartment door in his pajama pants. He frowned when the mystery person began to knock even louder and faster, like they were hitting both fists on the door in tandem. How old was this guy, like five?

No, a little kid wasn't tall enough to knock where the stranger was hitting the door. Seriously? This was an adult? Renji scratched his head, wondering who it might be, deciding not to open it yet to see if they'd just give up and leave him in peace. It probably wasn't the landlord: the sweet little old lady who brought them baked goods and candles from time to time. Moreover, it probably wasn't one of the neighbors; they only knocked when they had people over and started getting too loud. None of their friends or family knocked like this. A salesperson wouldn't be so rude if they had any hope of someone buying from them, and a package delivery would've been made in the lobby, not at their front door.

Renji was drawing a blank. He couldn't guess who this was.

"_Renji!"_ Ichigo hollered, since he could still hear that Renji hadn't yet answered the door because of the continuing knocking. Renji just frowned, still puzzling over who it could be.

After a moment longer of pondering this, Renji bent slightly to look through the peephole at who was _still_ hammering away at their inner door. At least he _hoped _it was the inner door. If the stranger was knocking on the 'porch' door, they'd probably punched the bug-screen right out of it.

He closed one eye and looked through the little peephole. What met his view was gelled-up red hair, sunglasses, and a smirk that said 'I am ridiculously wealthy'.

_'Oh fuck.'_

Renji tore ass back through their apartment, busting into the bathroom after kicking the door, which had flung open since it had no longer been locked. He yanked aside the shower curtain, shouting like a maniac, "_Ichigo!_"

Ichigo screamed, hands flying over his naked body in reflex. After a moment of silence, chest heaving, he started swearing at the top of his lungs, punching Renji everywhere he could reach. They'd recently watched 'Psycho', and Renji had just freaked him out so badly that he'd literally almost peed.

Renji turned off the water, trying to talk to him. Ichigo gave a shout of indignation, "_Rude!" _He punched Renji again, turning the water back on, yelling about privacy and that he still had soap in his hair. Renji was trying to tell him to just come out for one minute because he had to see something, but Ichigo kept shoving him away and telling him to get out. In exasperation, Renji just grabbed Ichigo and tried to drag him out of the shower, which was difficult, because Ichigo was slippery, wet, and pissed.

He finally hauled Ichigo out of the tub, pretty much soaking the floor, which Ichigo was _not_ happy about. Renji started chucking towels at him and telling him to get dressed, because fucking _Kaa_ was outside of their house.

Ichigo immediately stopped shouting at him and gave him a 'no way in hell you're telling me the truth' look. Renji just stared him down as Ichigo pointed a thumb vaguely over his shoulder, listening to the knocking which was _still_ going on.

"He _is._ Get dressed," Renji demanded, even though he himself was still shirtless and now partially soaked from manhandling Ichigo.

"What does he want?" Ichigo wondered incredulously, still just _standing_ there, naked and confused. Renji sighed and started toweling him off.

"I don't know yet." Kaa was _still_ fucking knocking. He must've known for sure that they were home or something.

"You gonna' deal with it?"

"Yeah."

Renji jogged back through the house, undid the safety lock, and opened the door, immediately scowling at the man behind it. There he was, that smirking-shit, with his hand still extended to keep pounding on the door, realizing that someone's pissed-off face was under his fist.

"Oh, hey there, Renji." Kaa grinned, taking his sunglasses off and clipping them onto his t-shirt collar. He leaned one hand on the door frame, putting the other on his hip. Renji grimaced. He couldn't _believe_ that Yumichika was dating this guy. Sure, he was good-looking, rich, _and_ had that 'bad boy' appeal, but he was an _ass._ That should've overridden all the pros, but Yumichika had always put too much stock in superficial qualities.

Even so, Renji couldn't get over the fact that it looked like Kaa's head was on fire. Did _his_ hair make him look like that? He sure as fuck hoped not! At least Renji's was natural and wasn't from a bottle!

Renji snarled in response to his greeting. Fucking Kaa. Him and his straight teeth and his clear skin and his gelled-up hair. Renji looked down his nose at him, ignoring the sounds coming from within the house behind him.

Ichigo was trying to yank on some sweatpants, and had to sit down in the hallway to avoid tripping himself in his hurry. Renji could tell from the look on Kaa's face that Ichigo was plainly visible from the doorway, and might not be fully clothed. Kaa started smiling that smug grin, raising an eyebrow. Renji's eyes narrowed.

Oh _hell _no.

He planted his hand on Kaa's chest and shoved him back so that he could close the door a little to hide Ichigo and his wet-half-nakedness from sight. Renji might not be allowed to beat Kaa up, because Yumichika had long since told him not to, but there was absolutely _no way_ he was letting this womanizing nympho-maniacal creep take a peek at _his boyfriend._

Gah, this guy made him furious. He didn't seem to realize the meaning of fidelity, or even plain respect. Renji had briefly been over to Yumichika and Kaa's apartment back when they'd lived together. This guy had posters of naked women in his room, he had nasty triple-x videos all over the house, and he had made it a habit to flirt with women in front of Yumichika. He was a complete and utter dee-bag.

It was a sad state of affairs, but Kaa was the reason none of them had bothered inviting Yumichika on vacation with them. They'd asked him on outings before, and it always had something to do with needing to stay to do something for Kaa, not having time because of Kaa borrowing Yumichika's car and not returning it, or not having enough money because he had hocked his jet-ski to pay for Kaa's damage to a hotel room. They'd just assumed that this time would be the same and Yumichika wouldn't be able to come like usual. It sucked that things had gotten that bad that none of them bothered to even _try_ to get Yumichika to hang out.

Renji was _this_ close, man. It was bad enough that this guy treated Yumichika like shit. Now he was giving Ichigo the eye. Renji wanted to punch him in the mouth and mess up his perfectly straight teeth. He hated himself for having fallen for Kaa's routine in the beginning. It was how the bastard got away with so much shit. He was a natural charmer, extremely manipulative, and people just liked him without knowing why. They all had, for a long time, but the toll he took on Yumichika had started to show, and it was clear that this man was toxic down to his bones.

Kaa was smirking now, raising his eyebrows. Ichigo had seemed to have changed his mind about coming to the door, because Renji heard the fridge open. It was up to him to make Kaa leave on his own.

"What," Renji prompted flatly, not bothering with playing this guy's little game of dancing around the issue. He didn't even know why the fuck Kaa had come here when he knew they both hated him. The man was obviously wanted something, so he should just get to the point.

Renji stared Kaa down without blinking, knowing that this shit made him uncomfortable, and that was what he wanted. He was done with this guy, _completely fucking done_. He'd turned Yumichika into this broken thing with no pride, no dreams of his own, and no hope for a good future. He'd fucked up the poor guy's life, and to Renji, that was reason enough to set this guy on fire for real.

Kaa had come here for one reason, and one reason only. It had something to do with Yumichika, and _possibly_ something to do with Ikkaku, if he knew about last night. Renji wasn't giving Kaa any leeway. He could either say what he wanted, or he could leave.

Yumichika really needed to dump this guy and get together with Ikkaku already. It was no coincidence that this fucker had appeared after Yumichika's cheat-date last night; he was probably looking to fuck Yumichika over somehow. Kaa was out to make trouble - Renji could see it in his eyes.

It wasn't only his suspicious intentions on being here. Besides that, Kaa had already been completely lewd in regards to Renji's own boyfriend after only ten seconds of the door being open. Suffice to say, Renji's patience had already run thin, and it had only been about one minute so far. This guy had better get to the point before he put him in a headlock.

"Aw, why so cranky? Aren't we friends?" Kaa grinned, clearly trying to sweet talk him into changing his his harsh attitude. It was true enough that there had been a time where Renji had wanted to befriend him, but that had been a _long_ time ago. He saw him for what he was now: perhaps not malicious, but an insensitive, manipulative, self-absorbed _asshole__._

"Cut the bullshit, Kaa," Renji growled, looming menacingly in the doorway. "What do you want, we're busy."

"So I gathered." Kaa licked his lips like some fucking snake, raising his eyebrows at their states of undress. "Real sorry to interrupt your fun. I heard the screaming. Good to know that no one was being murdered, you were just getting some t-"

Renji _swung_ on that bastard, just missing his face. He was _not_ gonna' take this guy's lip. Kaa knew he was pushing it and had been ready to duck. He backed up, holding his hands up in surrender, a slimy smile on his face. "Hey, hey, it's just a joke. You know what those are, right?"

"I said _cut the bullshit!"_

"Alright," Kaa conceded, smirking. "I just need a favor."

Renji had all but lost his patience and was pointing in Kaa's face, growling lowly, "You can do _me_ a favor and jump off the balcony." That would do the _world_ a favor, because all his money would probably go to a nice charity.

"C'mon man, it's quick, an' it's an emergency." The guy held out a piece of paper and a pen. "Can you write down Yummy's address?"

Renji snarled. Yumichika might let Kaa walk all over him, but he wasn't gonna' sit by and listen to Kaa talk about him that way. "It's _'Yumi'_ not 'Yummy', don't you fuckin' pull that shit with me."

Kaa talked right over him, grinning widely, chewing his gum like this conversation was mildly amusing. "I left my little sister's inhaler over there on accident, and I need it back. It's urgent."

"Who put all this shit on the grocery list?!" Ichigo shouted from inside the apartment, knowing that it couldn't have been anyone but Renji. Apparently he'd finished scavenging for food and was writing down what they needed from the store. "You don't even _like _Sanka, why is this on here?!"

Renji ignored him, pinched his brow, and closed his eyes. Ichigo's interruption had made him lose his train of thought. "Dude, _no. _Get someone else," he answered Kaa, trying to shut the door on him, but Kaa stuck his boot in the way.

"Aw, c'mon. Ya' don't wanna' be responsible for a little girl's asthma attack, do ya'?"

"I can't help you, I'm sorry." Renji moved his hair out of his eyes, looking to the left at the railing and the open view of the city. He was starting to wish he'd put on his own shirt, because he could feel Kaa's eyes crawling on his tattoos, as if wondering how far the ones on his abdomen went down into his sweatpants, or if there were any _more_ down there. That was for Ichigo to know, and no one else.

The wind ruffled Kaa's hair, but it somehow stayed perfectly spiked up. Renji let out a breath, looking at the flower boxes their neighbors had put out. Maybe he could make Kaa eat some dirt and then pitch him over the railing to his miserable death.

Nah, if he got arrested for murder, Ichigo would kick his ass to mars.

"You're okay with that on your conscience?" Kaa raised his eyebrows, smirking. "It's not gonna' haunt ya' at night? The thought of a poor little girl choking and coughing because you didn't let me get her medicine? Hmmmmm?"

"..."

Fuck.

Renji scowled, thinking of Yuzu and Karin, or even Ikkaku's little niece, Yachiru. How would he feel if something like that happened to _them?_ Even if Kaa was an asshole, that didn't mean his little sister should suffer because of it. Ugh.

The guy had found his weak spot, and from his smug grin, he knew it too. He didn't want to give in and let Kaa get what he wanted, but at the same time, his honor wouldn't allow him to refuse. It wasn't in his alignment, and just thinking about it was already making his skin itch. When this guy had a motive, he really knew how to twist people to his will, like some sucky cartoon villain that just needed a few punches to send them running for the hills.

Renji cracked his knuckles ominously.

"It'll take two secs, just do me this solid."

"You are one deaf asshole, aren't'cha. Get the address somewhere else."

"C'mon, man."

This went on for a few more minutes, and Kaa insisted enough that Renji eventually gave in just to get him to leave. Yumichika probably wouldn't even care. Yumichika didn't care about _anything_ Kaa did.

By the time Renji had shut the door, leaning against it and letting out a slow breath, he could hear Kaa humming a little as he jogged down the steps of their building.

"I like coffee, I like tea, I like the boys and the boys like me," Renji could hear just as the guy left. Kaa really creeped him out sometimes. He really hoped Yumichika would break things off with him soon. He didn't even like _thinking_ about Kaa being alone with Yumichika, even for five minutes.

That left the question though, why hadn't Kaa just asked _Yumichika_ for the address? And why didn't he know it in the first place? They were dating, right, so why had he?... Fuck, Renji would never understand that guy. Who gave a shit anyways. Renji was beyond the point of caring what that bastard did. As long as he was gone and would stay gone, then good.

Ichigo was standing in their little kitchenette, pouring himself a glass of milk, which he'd miraculously found a can of in the cupboard. "So what did he... uh..." Ichigo gave it a cautious taste. "What did he want?"

"Uh, he needed to go get his sister's asthma medicine from Yumichika's apartment or something."

Renji jumped out of his skin when Ichigo's glass slipped out of his wet hand and shattered on the floor of the kitchen. "Fuck!" Renji shouted in surprise, jolting backwards. Ichigo was looking at him in surprise, only vaguely concerned with the glass fragments and milk all over his feet.

"Shit," he muttered, keeping still to avoid cutting himself. "You didn't actually _tell_ him where Yumichika _lives_, did you?" he asked with dread. Ichigo's words didn't really register; Renji was too focused on the potential injuries to Ichigo's feet.

"Holy shit, Ichigo, don't move, there's glass all over!" Renji slid his feet carefully through the mess and scooped Ichigo up, setting him on the counter so he could clean up the mess without having to worry about Ichigo's feet getting sliced up. Ichigo needed those feet.

"_Renji," _Ichigo urged in a subdued sort of panic, trying to get his attention. His mind was racing. Kaa's sister had _died_ last year. Yumichika had come back from the funeral with a pale face and shaky hands. She had been so young, and it had been such a horrible death. It had been right before Kaa had gotten Yumichika into that car accident because he'd been driving drunk, distraught over the loss.

On top of that, if Kaa had left her medicine at Yumichika's apartment, it meant he'd been there before. If he had, he wouldn't have needed the address. And if the case were merely forgetting it, he could've easily just called _Yumichika_, but he wouldn't do that, would he, because he didn't want Yumichika to know. He wanted to go over there without Yumichika knowing about it, so he'd come here and talked it out of Renji, using his dead sister as an excuse.

... That didn't sit particularly well with Ichigo; he would never in a million years use his mother for something like that. It would weigh on his soul.

This guy... Ichigo didn't particularly like Kaa. He wasn't exactly _malicious_, but he did seem to be borderline-sociopathic in some ways. They'd always called Yumichika vain, but this guy was a real narcissist in a less obvious way. He was manipulative, insensitive, and completely self-centered. Sometimes Ichigo would wonder what he was capable of, and it really scared him to think that Yumichika had been stuck alone with this guy for a long time.

And now Kaa had access to Yumichika's house, and was probably going there without Yumichika's knowledge. Now this wouldn't have freaked Ichigo out as much as it was, but the fact that Yumichika had been with Ikkaku last night caused the hairs to rise on Ichigo's arms. Somehow he could tell that Kaa _knew._

He looked up to Renji, face solemn. "You told him."

"I did what now?" Renji was gathering the large glass fragments into a pile, squatting on a glass-free kitchen tile. He touched Ichigo's foot, checking for cuts.

"Renji, Yumichika _moved, _remember? If Kaa didn't know his new address, it's probably because Yumichika purposefully didn't tell him. You can't put anything past this guy. He's probably found a way to swipe Yumichika's key and have a copy made."

Renji stood up so fast he got whiplash. "Oh my god."

* * *

'_I'm not home right now, I'm out on a date! As of 12:15, I will be gone for an undetermined amount of time. I'll be back by tomorrow at least! In case of emergency, I can be reached at this number: (- - - )-(- - - -) '_

Kaa grinned widely, grabbing the note off of Yumichika's door and pocketing it.

"At least I don't hide it when I play, huh? _You,_ you're sneakin' around... Time ta' put that phone chip to good use..." He pressed his ear to the door, smiling when he heard a noise.

"Just one more thing I gotta' take care of. Here, kitty-kitty."

* * *

Yumichika was quite surprised and a little bit embarrassed when Ikkaku just _grabbed_ his hand as soon as they started walking down the street.

At first he thought that it might be because Ikkaku didn't want either of them to get lost, but he soon realized that it was just hand-holding for the _sake_ of it, like how sweethearts did.

They were getting looks, but Ikkaku didn't seem to care. He was off in his own world, humming and grinning like a dork, completely ignoring the staring going on, which was a welcome change.

Yumichika smiled. He rather liked Ikkaku's warped point of view, the way he'd just jumped into this so seriously. It was all rather sudden, but everything was out in the open with Ikkaku, which was already a step-up. In fact, Yumichika didn't see anything about Ikkaku that he _didn't_ like yet; although he was a little crude, he was up-front, and was never mean-spirited when slinging insults. It was like a breath of fresh air for Yumichika, who was used to subtexts and inferences and mind games all over the place.

He liked knowing exactly what was between them. It was actually a bit of a relief.

"Hey, we should go there for sandwiches." Yumichika was pulled out of his thoughts quite literally when Ikkaku dragged their interlocked hands up to point at a deli across the street. "My friend, Rangiku, works there," he said absently.

Yumichika stopped walking, frowning a little. "Matsumoto Rangiku?... Ikkaku, she's probably my best friend in the world." Ikkaku turned to look at him, eyes wide. Yumichika paused for a moment, then "... Do you know a Hisagi Shuuhei?"

Ikkaku stared at him, as if to say, '_no. way.'_

"How about a Kira?"

Ikkaku blinked a couple of times. Yumichika really must be that person they always talk about. "Okay, that's a little weird," Ikkaku said with a nervous laugh. "I can't believe we've never met before if we have all the same friends."

"I think it's a good omen," Yumichika said airily, linking his fingers with Ikkaku's more firmly, swinging their arms. "It must be meant to be." He smiled, and Ikkaku just stared at him, heart melting a little. Yumichika looked so pretty with the sun glinting off his hair like that, and wow, violet eyes. He'd never seen anything like it. If there were a prettier person in all the world, let god strike him dead.

Well, not really.

Ikkaku grinned widely then; all of these weird coincidences were just telling him that them meeting had been serendipity. It was all too good for it to mean anything else. "Maybe you're right. It makes up for lost time somehow."

Ikkaku opened the door to the small sub-bar, bell jingling as they walked in. There were a couple people milling around, and Rangiku was behind the counter, checking her face in a compact.

Ikkaku leaned up against the counter for a full thirty seconds, waiting to be noticed. Yumichika stood there patiently, rocking on the balls of his feet, looking over the menu. After Yumichika's stomach audibly gurgled under his sunflower shirt, Ikkaku got fed up and snapped his fingers near Rangiku's face. "Hey!" he called, "I'm tryin' ta' get my date a sandwich. Wouldja' pay attention to your job, already?"

Rangiku snapped the compact closed, looking up to see who dared speak to her in such a manner. What man could possibly resist her charms? She looked at Ikkaku, and then to Yumichika, who was smiling and waving at her, darting his eyes conspicuously to their linked hands.

Oh. Well okay.

Not responding to Ikkaku's usual aggressive-attitude, she did a little gasp, putting a hand over her mouth. "Yumi-_chika?_ You're on a date and you didn't _tell_ me? Oh, wait, you and... You're on a date with _Ikkaku?_" She gave him a look of surprised concern. "I didn't realize it was _Yumichika_ you were talking about. Why did you think you were anywhere close to his league?"

"Hey, what's wrong with me?" Ikkaku snapped, not entirely angry sounding. "Everyone's got a problem with me, what the _hell _is wrong with me?" He wasn't invested enough in his own shouting to try to sound serious. He was still mostly reeling with happiness at this whole situation.

He wouldn't lie to himself. He was becoming dangerously smitten, so much so that it wasn't even funny. His severe focus when it came to the things he wanted wasn't always a good thing. Maybe this was why he'd tried to stay out of these situations for so long. He'd known how big and soft his heart was, and hadn't wanted to give it a chance to hurt him. Ikkaku thought it was worth the risk though if he got feel like _this_ until that happened.

There must have been a sappy look on his face that contrasted with his rough remark, because Rangiku gave him a lopsided-smile.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all, carry on. Nice shirt," Rangiku said slyly, laughing a little bit at Yumichika's clothes.

"Why, thank you," Yumichika said in an equally snarky tone, breaking his hold on Ikkaku's hand to put both of his hands on his hips, pressing his over-large shirt around him. "I got it at a thrift store."

"That's probably why it looks like it came from the trash." Yumichika tried really hard to look angry, but he couldn't and started laughing.

"At least I don't have to wear a uniform as stupid as that to work." Rangiku pouted at him a little. Her bust line was _way_ too big for the polo shirt she was wearing, and it had all the buttons open, with a tanktop underneath, in an attempt to still look decent. It was hard because her breasts forced the shirt up enough that her belly was showing a little. She crossed her arms, rolling her eyes at him and his cattiness.

"I'm teasing," Yumichika assured. "I'm wearing this to help this messy idiot paint his walls. Besides, it's not entirely ugly-looking."

"Yeah, it does look kinda' good on you."

"I was talking about Ikkaku," Yumichika said smoothly with raised eyebrows. Ikkaku's jaw dropped in mock offense.

"So was I," Rangiku retorted. Yumichika started laughing.

"Hey, hey, everybody's pickin' on me," Ikkaku muttered, smiling a little. He loved the sound of Yumichika laughing. He really wanted him to be happy, _especially _after seeing him cry last night.

"Okay, okay, I've had my fun. What would you like, you two?"

"Ah..." Ikkaku looked at the menu, scratching the back of his neck. "Whatcha' want, babe?"

"Something with turkey," Yumichika answered, eyes flicking to Ikkaku for a split second at the sound of that sweet-name coming out so naturally, and in public too. Yumichika's heart began fluttering like crazy, but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal to Ikkaku. Ikkaku... was really... just... _not ashamed_ to be with him, and that was so strange seeming.

Yumichika stuck his lip out a little. Well why _should_ he be ashamed to be with him? He was _great. _

Yumichika nodded to himself a little while Ikkaku looked over the options. Rangiku gestured for him to come closer, and Yumichika drifted over to the counter.

"I didn't know you and Kaa broke up. I thought you'd tell me something like that," she whispered indignantly. Yumichika leaned closer to her ear.

"I've been too busy to gossip. Besides, it only happened last night," Yumichika explained, side-slitting his eyes at Ikkaku, and then he and Rangiku shared a glance, both of them looking back at the bald man again. "I met him at work yesterday, and we went on a double-date with Renji and Ichigo. Then I broke up with Kaa."

"You left Kaa for Ikkaku?" Rangiku raised her eyebrows. "Well, I can't say that you took a step down."

"Oh, come on," Yumichika whispered back, offended on Ikkaku's behalf and his own, because weren't his standards high enough? Well... Well _no. _That was the thing. They hadn't been for a long time. Was he really just settling for whatever had come along to save him?

Yumichika bit his lip and glanced at Ikkaku. No, he really did like Ikkaku, but... maybe that was a tiny part of it. "And..." Yumichika admitted begrudgingly, "I'm still... sort of maybe _in the process_ of leaving Kaa."

"Oh boo, don't change your mind. Get it over with." Rangiku put on some clear gloves, shrugging, causing her breasts to bounce. "Just follow your heart, Yumichika, your heart knows. You really dodged a bullet with Kaa, though."

Yumichika grimaced, crossing his arms with a sigh. "Not really." He rolled his eyes at himself, fed up and ready to forget the whole thing. "How many years late am I dodging it? A better analogy would be to say I crawled off the battlefield after losing both my legs to a grenade."

Rangiku gave him a stern look, which was ruined slightly because of the way her lower lip shined with lipgloss as she stuck it out at him. "You didn't stay, Yumichika. You could've hung around even longer, you could've _married_ him or something, but you didn't. You should be proud of yourself."

"Honestly? I feel a little pathetic," Yumichika hissed. "What kind of doormat am I?"

"A really nice one that people don't even dare wipe their feet on-"

"You are the worst friend in the whole world," Yumichika snapped fondly. He'd actually really missed Rangiku. "You're not supposed to agree with me when I down myself!"

"Well, if you're gonna' beat yourself up, why can't I join in? You're the one talking about getting shot!"

"Yes, and how stupid am I after being gunned down, to crawl right back to someone _else_ who might do it?"

"Ikkaku doesn't use guns," Rangiku whispered with an eye-roll, thinking about when he'd used to carry his most prized weapon around _all the time_.

"He doesn't need them! It's a metaphor!"

"Hey, quit whispering over there," Ikkaku said sharply, glaring at them. "If you're gonna' talk smack about me, do it ta' my face." Yumichika grinned, recovering from his hiss-argument seamlessly. Ikkaku scowled at them both, but Yumichika poked him in the side a few times to make him quit growling.

"You're so morbid, Yumichika," Rangiku said in her regular voice in reply to his last statement, starting to get the ingredients out for a turkey sub.

"Sad truth." Yumichika hummed, waltzing over to a table and sitting down on one of the spinny stools. "How's life treating you, then? Can't be worse than mine."

"Oh, it's going great, I met this guy on a dating hotli-"

"Hey, don't talk to her, talk to _me,_" Ikkaku said with a grin. "We're eating on the go, remember? And besides! Your life doesn't suck anymore; you have me!"

Rangiku doubled over with a silent laugh, causing Ikkaku to glare at her. Yumichika shrugged.

"Oh right. Sorry Rangiku. I can't play misery-loves-company anymore now," Yumichika said with a smile.

"..." Ikkaku stared at them both for a moment of inaction, before he prompted Yumichika to leave with him again. "Date time! C'mon!"

"Right. Bye Rangiku. I guess I'm on a date right now," Yumichika joked, causing Ikkaku to stomp his foot with a growl and say 'Why would you guess? You _are.'_

Rangiku grinned, not missing the way Yumichika's gaze held upon Ikkaku. And Ikkaku, oh boy, she had teasing material that would last for years. Just after the first sight of him and his sappy grin. He was just _gone._

Maybe they'd be good for each other. At least they hadn't met from a one-night stand or from bar-hopping. That was already a start, when you're considering it was _Ikkaku_. Then again, one-night stand? _That_ guy? Yeah right. He probably didn't even know what a woman looked like naked. Rangiku rolled her eyes, watching Ikkaku shift his weight, waiting impatiently for Yumichika to get off his ass and leave with him.

"Okay, okay, just tell me all about it later," Rangiku called to Yumichika. It had been too long since they'd had a good gossip.

"Of course." Yumichika grinned as she made a phone signal with her hand. Rangiku stuck her tongue out at him and made a shooing motion towards the door.

"Now go have fun on your date. If he screws up, I want to know about it." Yumichika laughed silently into a hand, giving Ikkaku the eye.

"Well geez, no pressure on me now," Ikkaku sighed, paying for the food.

"And if he cops a feel, then-" Ikkaku slammed his change down onto the counter, frame tense, face completely red.

"Shut up, woman! Like I'd do that!" he snapped, whipping around in indignation and stomping for the exit. Rangiku just laughed at him, and Yumichika clamped a hand over his mouth to keep his giggling in, following behind him.

"Looks like I made him mad," Rangiku noted, seeing Ikkaku storming around outside the shop, infuriated.

"I'd better go. Later!" Yumichika grinned, waved, and shouldered open the glass door. Ikkaku's head snapped in his direction, and his scowl faded, blush still apparent.

Yumichika was really glad everyone was so happy for him. Renji and Ichigo had basically encouraged him to see Ikkaku, and Rangiku had as well, even though they all knew he was still sort of wrapped up with Kaa. They seemed to want to push him towards the right choice.

At times, he had felt abandoned because nobody invited him over anymore, and they'd all just treated him like a lost cause. It was like they'd given up, and for a long time he'd felt very lonely. It was nice to know that his friends still cared and wanted what was best for him.

"Have a good time," Rangiku called with a serious tone and a significant look.

"I will," Yumichika replied, letting the door shut. He turned to Ikkaku, who relaxed at the sight of him, huffing once that Rangiku was so annoying. Yumichika let Ikkaku take his hand again and smiled serenely as he was led down the sidewalk.

Maybe he'd been right; maybe he shouldn't have jumped into another relationship so soon after leaving Kaa, but Yumichika didn't care. It felt really really nice, and right now, it seemed worth anything to make it continue.

* * *

"Well, fuck, what should we do?!" Renji cried in panic, hands knotted in his own hair. He couldn't let his senpai get hurt, he just couldn't! He couldn't _believe_ he'd coughed up Yumichika home address just to get rid of that bastard. Couldn't he have put up with him maybe, couldn't he have paid better attention?!

Renji paced the tiny kitchen in guilt and worry, feet bleeding from where he had crunched some glass under his feet. Yumichika was all alone over there, not even knowing that he wasn't safe!

"Call him," Ichigo said. "Call Yumichika and let him know that a psycho's about to break into his house and take him!"

"Okay," Renji said breathlessly, trying to gather his wits as he took out his phone, "Okay, good plan. Frick, if he hurts him I'll never forgive myself."

"I'll never forgive you either! You should've seen that one coming!" Ichigo shouted, throwing his hands in the air. Renji scowled, listening to Yumichika's phone switch to the answering machine.

"How do you still fall for that guy's shit, Renji?! _God!" _Ichigo growled, rolling his eyes, making Renji feel really stupid.

"Hey, I'd just woken up," he said defensively, "Besides, he could talk anyone in circles, even that pink-haired maniac, Granz!"

"Renji, you told him where Yumichika _lives!_ Why would you think that was okay?!"

"Quit fucking yelling at me! I didn't see _you _helping when it happened! You didn't even come to the door. You coulda' stopped me!"

Ichigo held up his hands in a 'white-flag' gesture. "I'm not blaming you, calm down, I'm just worried. I don't wanna' see Yumichika on the news tomorrow."

Renji gave a low worried moan, pacing the kitchen once more. Ichigo huffed. "I'm just saying that we shouldn't wait to see how this plays out. We should _do_ something."

Renji nodded, trying to call him again, but it didn't even ring once before it switched to the automated system. Yumichika had his phone turned off. "Shit, he's not picking up..."

* * *

"Hmmm, I wish we'd brought a picnic blanket," Yumichika commented, scratching at his back and then lying back down. "This grass is a little itchy."

"Yeah, but it's warm," Ikkaku hummed in contentment, "and it smells good. Nice place ta' think." He smiled a little, lying on his back with his eyes closed. Yumichika looked at him for a moment, settling in next to him, enjoying the peace. "Hey."

"Hm?" Yumichika cracked an eye open, rolling over.

Ikkaku twirled a black-eyed susan between his fingers, flopping onto his stomach so that they were nose to nose. He smiled, pressing their foreheads together. "You smell good too."

"We're in a flower-garden. It's not me," Yumichika said skeptically.

"No... No, it's definitely you," Ikkaku teased, leaning forward to take a joking smell of Yumichika's hair, snickering when he was batted away. He gave a long sigh, still grinning like a fool and gazing at Yumichika's face.

Yumichika bit back a smile, looking down at Ikkaku's hands, which were cupped around his. Ikkaku slipped the flower behind Yumichika's ear. "There. Cute as a button..." Ikkaku suddenly paused, frowning. "Are buttons even cute? Where did those words come from?" Ikkaku mused, getting off track as he absently played with Yumichika's fingers.

Yumichika gave a huff of a laugh in response, and Ikkaku dropped his head down onto Yumichika's shoulder. "Sorry, I'll shut up."

"It's okay," Yumichika said, and he meant it. He'd been so alone for so long, waiting in a dark room for his lover to return home, but he'd never come, _never_. He'd had no one to talk to, no one to listen to even, and just finally hearing those stupid things, stupid little thoughts from another person's mind, it was just so nice.

Even this simple outing together, not even an official date really, almost seemed like too much to ask for. Yumichika was just so so happy.

"Yumichika?" Ikkaku began hesitantly, lowering his voice like it was a secret. "... Do you like me?"

"Of course I do," Yumichika answered immediately.

"No, no," Ikkaku said earnestly, brow furrowing, seeming flustered. "I mean do you _like_ me?"

"Oh," Yumichika said, slightly taken aback by the direct question. Kaa had always skirted around things like that, especially when it came to emotions, and here Ikkaku was, after only a day, holding his breath over whether Yumichika liked him.

Had... had Kaa ever looked at him the way Ikkaku was looking at him right now? Even in the beginning? He couldn't recall.

"Yes, I like you," Yumichika answered when Ikkaku began to sweat at his lack of response. "You... you're wonderful," he said fondly, a lop-sided smile on his face. Ikkaku's head dropped as he grinned sheepishly.

"Seriously though," Yumichika began, nudging Ikkaku when he laughed a little, "No, seriously. I feel like I know you already, like we've met. Maybe it's just because of all the things I've heard about you, but... it's like I've known you forever... or maybe it's more like I _should_ have met you already."

Ikkaku stared at him for a moment with his lips pursed. "Aren't those like classic lines from 'The Art of Seduction?' Even _I_ know that," he said flatly, teasing Yumichika a little.

"Are they? Maybe I've heard them before," Yumichika replied, somewhat troubled by this. "I was serious though, please listen to me," he implored, and Ikkaku's expression made a snap-lightning change to concern and apology.

"I was listening," Ikkaku promised with a slightly cowed smile. "Why would you think I wasn't? I was just screwin' around."

"Oh," Yumichika said quietly, eyes flicking down. Ikkaku frowned at this development, feeling like he'd done something wrong on some level he didn't know about.

"Hey," Ikkaku mumbled lowly, running his fingers along Yumichika's cheek. "I know what you mean. I feel like I know you too. I _want_ to know you," he said with a crooked grin, trying with all his might to get Yumichika to smile again.

"I might be getting ahead of myself," Yumichika said softly, "but it's like you're everything I was missing." Ikkaku frowned at that, poking a finger onto Yumichika's chin, meeting his eyes.

"Hey now, you aren't missing _anything_, you hear me?" Ikkaku insisted sternly, "You're already perfect right now, just how you are..." Ikkaku's voice went soft then, "Hey, look at me." Yumichika looked back up, not having realized that his eyes had flicked down on their own. "You're perfect."

"See, just like that. You really _mean_ that!" Yumichika said with a breathless laugh. "My heart hasn't pounded like this since... _never." _Ikkaku's pulse sky-rocketed. He was really having that effect on someone so pretty? "You're just so genuine... Don't prove me wrong on that," Yumichika mumbled suspiciously.

Ikkaku snorted, clasping their hands together, pressing his lips to their intertwined knuckles once. "Tch'. You make it sound like I'm confident about this, but I'm just doin' what feels right. I'm sayin' what I'm thinkin', why would you think it was just bullshit?"

Yumichika was quiet for a moment, and it became painfully clear the words he was leaving unsaid. He was too used to bullshit to expect anything else.

Damn, time for another moment of embarrassing honesty. It caused Ikkaku near physical pain to get the words out, but it was obvious that Yumichika needed to hear them in order to actually believe him.

"Look, I gotta' tell you," Ikkaku began, struggling slightly, "this is really sort of _new_ for me. I've literally never felt like this, alright?..." Ikkaku cleared his throat and looked off to the side, knowing that it was probably a big turn-off to hear you were dating a first-timer who knew jackshit about the game. "Renji and Ichigo mighta' told you, but I don't date. I've _never_ really dated." He scratched at the back of his neck a little, shaking his head. "So... I probably won't treat you right or know the right things to do, but... I promise I'll never _mean_ to make you feel bad. I'm probably gonna' fuck up at some point, and when I do, if I hurt your feelings or something, just tell me and I'll kick my own ass, alright?"

Ikkaku let his lips make a 'prr-prr' sound, exhaling through them. "Ugh. I mean, if I miss something important or do something really wrong, if I act like a dill-weed, I probably just didn't realize, but if you care about it, so do I, so..."

Yumichika blinked, brow twitching as Ikkaku began rambling. Ikkaku plowed on, rubbing his thumb over Yumichika's hand. "I just- when I saw you, I don't know what it was, but..." Ikkaku took another breath, gathering his thoughts.

"I can't really explain it... It's kind of like in dreams where you just _know _things that you normally wouldn't." Ikkaku grimaced a little. "My point was, when I'm with you, I get that feeling," he practically hissed, not meeting Yumichika's eyes.

"Oh," Yumichika said, the word leaving him as little more than a heavy breath.

They just looked at each other for a few moments, both of them wondering if the other could hear how loudly their heart was pounding. The wind rustled Yumichika's hair, and he turned his attention to the river, the boardwalk, the beautiful-smelling flower garden they were resting in. It was completely circumstantial that they'd ended up here, since Ikkaku had admitted that he'd never been to this place before, but had thought it was a good idea. The place had turned out so lovely and sweet that it seemed perfect that they'd ended up here, but again, it was completely circumstantial, just like their initial meeting.

Ikkaku's eyebrows scrunched together a little less now, and his jaw wasn't quite so tight, the words coming more easily as he saw Yumichika's face softening in response to them. "I know sometimes I can sound rude and mean, but I don't mean to. I really really like you, okay? And I really want this to go somewhere. Don't forget that, alright?" Yumichika nodded.

Ikkaku let go of his hands, rolling onto his back, looking up at the clouds, as he let out a long groan. "Sheesh," he griped at the heat he felt in his face. He looked over to Yumichika, who was still just resting there on his tummy, propped up on his elbows. "Here, come a little closer to me," he beckoned, opening one arm up as a spot for Yumichika to rest. After a moment, Yumichika crept up to his side and laid down with his head pillowed on Ikkaku's bicep.

"There must be a reason though, right?" Ikkaku whispered, not letting the thing rest now that he'd gotten himself thinking. He kept talking out loud, and Yumichika listened silently. "I dunno', there's something there. I just met you, but you've already taken up real estate in my head. I thought about you all morning. I could hardly sleep last night because I was thinkin' about you too much... Just stupid stuff too, like... Oh, I dunno," Ikkaku thought of an instance, "Like there was this spider in my damn bathroom and I wondered if you're afraid of bugs, or when I was getting ready for bed last night, I was thinking about if you sleep on a futon or a mattress... Just dumb shit like that... There... There has to be a reason, right?"

Ikkaku pondered over this for a while, eventually falling silent, a thoughtful frown still creasing his features. Then he finally said, "I guess I just really really like you, huh?" He broke out in a smile, tickling Yumichika under the arm a little, not letting him squirm away.

Once Yumichika deemed it safe that he wasn't going to be tickle-attacked again, he turned onto his side, putting his arm across Ikkaku's stomach. He could see Ikkaku smiling when he looked up through his eyelashes. He looked just as happy as Yumichika felt. Yumichika hadn't felt this happy in such a long time, and he wouldn't have if Ikkaku hadn't come in and convinced him to leave Kaa.

"I'd like to thank you," Yumichika said quietly, enjoying the soft touch of the wind on his skin. "For so long I was waiting... just... _waiting_ for someone," he mumbled with a frown, "someone to come save me from my own messed up life. I felt trapped and useless for such a long time, just passively accepting that that was how things were going to stay and that there was no use trying."

Ikkaku tried to interrupt, because he could see that talking about this was upsetting Yumichika a little, but Yumichika kept going, "Then you just showed up and as easy as you please, you remind me that there are other people out there for me... You don't know how many times our friends have tried to get me to leave him, but I guess... some part of me felt like he was the best I could ever have," Yumichika said with a sad laugh. "I wasn't brave enough to leave him. I was afraid I couldn't be on my own, that I'd have to crawl back to him and further disgrace myself. But then you were there, ready to save me from that."

Ikkaku listened quietly, having quite a different view on what had happened, but all the same, he didn't say a word.

"Just... just the fact that you were there made me brave enough to save _myself,"_ Yumichika said, sounding a little stronger. "Ikkaku, I haven't felt in control of my life for a long time, so this is kind of a big deal for me. I thought I'd just wait and see when he'd propose to me, no matter how many years that took and no matter how lonely I'd be... I don't want to be that pathetic anymore."

Yumichika lay on his back, eyes drifting off somewhere, growing fragile and somewhat distant. "I'm tired of being weak," he whispered sadly.

"Well this is day one for strong-Yumichika, then," Ikkaku mumbled, glaring at the sky. If he ever met this Kaa guy, he swore...

Yumichika sighed, seeming to shake off the darkness that had almost crept over him. He sat up with a sunny grin to break Ikkaku out of his mood before it could truly begin.

"Let's go walk through the strip-mall. I need to use the bathroom." Ikkaku's eyes flicked sideways as he propped himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Yumichika's face.

"Eh? Right now?" Yumichika nodded. Ikkaku pushed himself further up. "Okay, I'll come with ya'."

"Good," Yumichika said with a little relief, standing up. Ikkaku stood up, wiping grass off his back, picking a couple of pieces out of Yumichika's hair for him. "I don't like going in the public bathrooms alone. Girls have it so much easier, going in pairs," he said airily.

Ikkaku grimaced. "Well, I dunno' about 'easier'. I seen some _shit..._ sickos creepin' in there ta' peep on 'em n' stuff."

Yumichika sniffed once as if to say he agreed, but that he maintained that it was hard for him too. "Yeah, well, you know how people can get. I'm sure you know."

Ikkaku thought of some big burly man, either peeping on Yumichika with lustful eyes, or worse yet, harassing him for his somewhat obvious queer disposition. Neither situation was desirable. It'd be better if Ikkaku was there to loom threateningly in the corner to prevent it.

"I guess that makes sense, sugar. I'll come protect you." Yumichika laughed once, a smile lighting up his face, and... just _wow._

Ikkaku's heart was filling up with that weirdly satisfying ache. His scar hadn't itched or burned once since Yumichika had come over, which was highly unusual. Sometimes just the frequency of someone's voice could set it off, could have his chest aching for hours, so much so that he couldn't even bear to have his shirt on.

Yumichika though, the only sensation he could feel over there was this warm fuzzy tingly feeling. His brain was in a haze over it. Ikkaku had had maybe one or two crushes before, and this was much more intense, the highs and lows and the short moments of fear giving him the excitement he'd lacked for quite some time.

This was worse though. This was that thing that he'd been told about by his mother when he was younger, and he finally understood it. When you look at a person and start thinking things like 'how do I make them happy', or 'what if I do something they don't like', or 'I want them to like me', and then being frozen by fear that they might _not_.

Ikkaku knew what a crush was like, but this was past that, this was _that_ thing, and it was quickly growing out of control. Maybe it was because he'd never had a first love in his preteen years, he'd never felt the desperately-sensitive but so intense love that comes when one is young. Maybe it was just now coming to him.

Ikkaku knew that he needed to keep himself from becoming too emotionally invested. It was seriously day two of knowing each other, and he couldn't feel things like this if Yumichika wasn't as serious about this as he was. They were adults, and he shouldn't have the feelings of a child who'd never had their heart broken, who didn't know how to control their emotions. Worse than that, Yumichika had just escaped from a serious long-term relationship, and Ikkaku would feel awful if he just tied him down again.

But oh, that face... it was just doing something to Ikkaku. It made him forget all about who he'd been. It made him believe that he was nice and sweet and all those things that Yumichika had called him. It gave him hope that he really could rewrite his life as a good person, as long as he had that face and those eyes looking at him like that.

"How valient," Yumichika said, breaking him out of his split-second panic. Then Yumichika, that little shit, smirked coyly and mumbling, "God forbid my protector be a pervert as well."

Ikkaku was speechless for a moment, mortified, practically stumbling back, but he recovered quickly enough to bop Yumichika on the arm. "I heard that," Ikkaku growled, blushing bright red.

"You were meant to," Yumichika scoffed, nearly doing an air-spittake when he saw Ikkaku's flushed face. He cracked up behind his hands, wandering off.

"I'm no pervert, Yumichika!" Ikkaku called after him, cupping his hands around his mouth, watching his boyfriend go.

"I dunno'," Yumichika replied, looking over his shoulder, still walking away. "You lingering back there makes me think you're checking out my ass!" Ikkaku's eyes popped open and he got his rear in gear, speeding up to walk next to Yumichika. It felt like all the blood in his body was in his face at the moment. Yumichika threw his head back, cackling.

"Stop. Laughing," Ikkaku snapped, scowling and shoving his hands in his pockets. Yumichika just chortled to himself, teasing him and pinching his pink cheeks. Ikkaku allowed it with an eyeroll and then grabbed Yumichika's hand, tossing it away from his face. "You're lucky I like you, you little shit."

Yumichika laughed outright at that, linking their pinkies and walking on. Ikkaku sighed, blush receding, a fond smile creeping onto his face.

This wasn't good at all. Ikkaku hadn't expected to fall so hard so fast. Even though he'd never felt it, there was no denying what this feeling was, and he knew there was no way to get rid of it now that it had penetrated his heart.

He was falling in love.


	7. Chapter 7

"Fuck, what do we do? _What do we do!?_" Renji shouted, pale-faced and clawing at his hair. Frick, he'd given this psycho-maniac access to Yumichika's house, and possibly _Yumichika_ if he was home, and he probably _was,_ because he didn't have work on Saturday.

"Don't panic!" Ichigo shouted back, equally on edge.

"What if he hurts him because he went out with Ikkaku?! He must've known! That's why he came here!" Renji yelled, punching the fridge door, knocking a magnet askew, sending some bills onto the floor.

"Stop panicking, Renji!" Ichigo tried to grab him, but Renji started on a guilt-wracked tirade, dodging his arms.

"Fuck, I led his stalker-boyfriend straight _to_ him. What if he _kills_ him?!" Renji let out a worried growl of frustration, "Ugh! I led his killer to him, he's gonna' be on the news and in different garbage bags strewn at the bottom of a lake! _Fuck,_ I killed Yumichika!"

Ichigo could hear people pounding on the wall in concern and someone from the apartment beneath them who was hitting the ceiling with a broom in an effort to tell them to shut the fuck up.

"Don't make me slap you, you're gonna' make people come to the door! Now quit fucking screaming," he demanded, nabbing Renji by the arms. "You're being hysterical!"

"How can you be rational at a time like this? You _know_ Kaa's nothing but trouble. What if he does something awful?!" Renji seemed to realize something else, because his face went from stricken to devastated in a split second. "Oh fuck. Ikkaku told me this morning when we were on the phone that he was going out with Yumichika again sometime. What if Kaa found out? That might be why he came here." Renji put a hand to his forehead, moaning sickly, "Aw, man, he's out for blood. He's out for motherfucking blood, Ichigo. What if he _takes_ him?"

"I know, Koi, but calm down. We can think this through," Ichigo said, trying to sound reassuring, knowing that Renji was still tired, frazzled from studying, and that he hadn't eaten yet today. "Acting crazy won't help us think of a plan." Renji nodded, sighing, trying to calm down a little. Ichigo inwardly cringed. Renji had always had a bit of a problem with guilt, _especially_ after that incident with Rukia and her brother.

"Alright..." Ichigo took a breath through his nose, putting his fingers to his temples, eyes closed for a moment. "Okay. Yumichika had this in confidentiality with me, but in light of what's happened... I think I'd better say it, just in case." Renji was staring at him, waiting for him to tell him the dirt. After a minute, a look of horror came onto his face.

"... Ichigo?" he questioned, voice having gone quiet and aghast, not wanting to believe that Yumichika had been abused and that Ichigo had known, but not done anything about it. "Did Kaa...? You wouldn't have kept that secret, right?" Ichigo shook his head with a huff.

"No, it's not that," he swore, relieving Renji somewhat. "Kaa's never actually _hurt_ him. Yumichika said that he hasn't even raised a hand on him, not even to _scare him_, but..." Ichigo sighed, because it was a pretty big '_but'_, "I basically got it out of him that Kaa's vaguely threatened him a couple of times." Renji bit his lip, face crumpling. "So, even though this bastard isn't usually a threat, just in case, I think we'd better take this seriously. Just in case," Ichigo repeated again.

"Mhm, okay, I get all of this," Renji said, humming and nodding, lips pursed. "What I _don't_ get, is why Yumichika would even tell you that."

Yumichika had long since learned not to bring Kaa up in conversation, because their entire group of friends hated Kaa and didn't want him around them, which was why Yumichika often had to miss out on spending time with them. It made little sense that Yumichika would divulge to Ichigo even _more_ reasons to hate Kaa.

Ichigo grit his teeth, looking to the side like the reason why was embarrassing. "Actually... I walked in on something that looked bad, so he had to explain shit to keep me from cutting off Kaa's dick."

"Mm," Renji grunted in response. That would've been his course of action too. "But why-"

"No more questions," Ichigo said, snapping his hand over Renji's mouth lips for the second it took to hush him. "It's supposed ta' be secret. I shouldn't have even told you, so don't make me tell any more."

Renji nodded too many times, biting at his lower lip. In a rare tender moment, Ichigo slid that hand to Renji's cheek, ghosting his fingers over it to try to dissuade some of his worries. Renji put his hand up on top of Ichigo's, holding it there on his face for a minute, turning his mouth back onto it. "I just... I really don't know what that guy's capable of, and it freaks me out. _He_ freaks me out," Renji whispered against Ichigo's palm.

Ichigo nodded, humming his agreement. "He is a little... _off,_ I guess. He probably won't actually hurt Yumichika or anything, but..."

"Just in case," Renji finished, pinpointing Ichigo's meaning. "Okay," he said, calming down quite a bit at that.

"Yeah. Alright, let's look over the facts," Ichigo mused, hopping back onto the countertop, crossing his legs. "He wanted Yumichika's address, which means he didn't know it, so we can probably assume that Yumichika purposefully moved so that Kaa wouldn't know where to find him." Renji nodded.

"That means Kaa either wants to find _Yumichika_ or find something Yumichika _has..._ or maybe he just wants to plant something in Yumichika's apartment." Renji nodded again, and Ichigo nodded back, feeling pleased about how Renji had stopped acting like a maniac. Renji got into quite the ornery mood when he was hungry.

"Kaa's only been gone about ten minutes now, so we can probably still catch him," Ichigo noted, "_or_ we can still warn Yumichika before Kaa gets to his house."

Renji was quiet for a moment, and Ichigo had to wonder if he was getting all of this. After a moment more, he came out with, "So Yumichika's either at home, or not. We don't know for sure."

"Good... point." Ichigo deflated slightly. "Wait, so you said Ikkaku was going out with Yumichika again?"

"Yeah."

"What if they went out _today_?" It made sense, considering how excited Ikkaku had seemed about Yumichika.

"Shit!" Renji shouted, hands snapping to his forehead. "Oh wait," he said quieter, lowering his hands back down, "_Not_ shit. That's good. Ikkaku'll kick Kaa's ass."

"Heh'," Ichigo said darkly, with a small laugh, "Yeah, he won't know what's in for him." He got back to his point, shaking his head. "That's not the point. Ikkaku can't always be with Yumichika, and the issue here is that Kaa knows where Yumichika lives, and could pop by his house at any time. Someone has to know about this before Kaa can do something."

"He's probably over there right now," Renji growled, glaring at nothing in particular, fists clenching up.

"Yumichika's not answering the phone, so we've gotta' call Ikkaku or Rangiku. One of them might've seen Yumichika if he isn't at home right now, and if they _haven't_ seen him, we can call the cops to let them know about the situation and that they should look out for any red-heads breaking and entering in Yumichika's area."

Renji looked at him strangely for a moment; Ichigo assumed it was to think over the plan. "I think you watch too much CSI, Ichig-"

Ichigo put a hand over his mouth, scowling. "Shut up and focus, Yumichika's person is at stake! You want his face ta' get messed up and have him scream at you about being ugly for the rest of his life?!"

"No! Stop yelling at me!"

"Alright, whatever. So the next step is to go over to Yumichika's apartment just in case he's still at home. Then we can warn him and maybe have him crash here until this all clears up." Ichigo shrugged; Yumichika had lived with them before. What was another week or so? "Just in case Kaa's actually after him. I wouldn't trust that guy with fifty cents."

Renji nodded, tapping at his chin. Suddenly, he raised his index finger, pursing his lips. "Problem."

"What's that?"

"We don't have a key to his house," Renji noted.

"If he's home, he'll answer the door, Koi," Ichigo said patiently. Renji blinked, that not catching up to him immediately. Oh boy, sleep-deprived, hungry, stressed-out Renji. Ichigo was readying himself for battle, because that meant Renji might get _extremely_ cranky.

"Mm," Renji acknowledged, then thinking of something else, waving his hands. "Wait, wait, wait. Flaw in the plan."

"Another? What is it?"

"What if when we're out looking for him, the cops think _I'm_ the guy who kidnapped him?! The description's gonna' be 'Caucasian male between the ages of twenty and twenty-five with bright-red hair!' That's just like _me!"_

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, except you're _not_ Caucasian and you have some pretty distinct tattoos."

"What am I supposed to do about _this,_ though?!" Renji pointed to his hair.

"I dunno', put on a fucking hat, or maybe just put a fucking paper bag over your head," Ichigo said in exasperation and maybe a little cruelly. He didn't have the patience for this anymore. This was really wearing on his nerves. If they went and told the cops about this then _obviously_ they wouldn't think Renji was the guy who did it, even if they said the suspect had red hair. Besides that, Renji's hair was long, while Kaa's was much shorter, and on top of that, Kaa didn't have any tattoos that they knew about.

Even so, that had been a shitty thing to say.

Renji scowled at him. Oh great. Now he'd done it.

"That was just plain _mean,"_ Renji spat. "I fuckin' hate you sometimes, Ichigo." He crossed his arms, frowning at Ichigo.

"You don't mean that, you're just upset," Ichigo said calmly, grabbing a jacket, trying not to let those words phase him. Renji seemed to feel bad then, because that was one of the _only_ things they didn't say to each other, no matter what. His lip protruded a little from guilt. He probably thought Ichigo was mad and about to give him the silent-treatment out of hurt feelings, when really, Ichigo just wanted to get all of this out of the way before Kaa got any more of a headstart.

"I know..." Renji gazed at him with those kicked-puppy eyes, lower lip puckering out. "I'm sorry baby, I din' mean that." And then, shit, Renji tried to _hug_ him, getting him all tangled up in his jacket sleeves.

"I _know_, I just said so, didn't I? And I'm not your baby," Ichigo huffed, trying to shove him away, but Renji just whined miserably, flopping his forehead onto his shoulder with another apology. "Renji, my feelings aren't hurt." Renji latched on around his middle, squeezing him until Ichigo had to jab him in the gut with his elbow to get him off. "Ugh! Get your gay arms off me! Now _call,"_ he demanded, pointing at the phone viciously.

"Okay, okay, I'm doin' it." Renji fidgeted for a minute, before grabbing Ichigo's hand, head bowed. "... Do you really think Kaa'll hurt him?"

Ichigo sighed, head rolling back. "You're a butt when you're scared."

"You're the one dating me, so who's the _real_ butt here?" Renji countered, glaring at him.

Ichigo face-palmed. "Okay, whatever. Let's just go beat up the cockbite who's possibly stalking our prissy-idiot."

Renji gave a growl to nothing in particular, cracking his knuckles with a grin. "Hmm. I haven't punched something in so long."

"Maybe Ikkaku'll give you a shot once he's done," Ichigo said with a shrug, although it was doubtful that much would be left afterwards. That guy had no off-switch once he got going.

"Good plan, babe." Renji kissed his cheek a little roughly, then grabbing the phone.

"Thank you," said Ichigo, raising his eyebrows, for once ignoring the pet-name. "You think it might be a bad idea to let Ikkaku lay into Kaa after he just...?"

"Uh, good point," Renji said with a partial wince. "If Yumichika's there, I don't think it'll get too bad though. He'll calm him down before he actually breaks anything off Kaa."

Ichigo shook his head with a sigh. "If Yumichika's there, that _guarantees_ it'll get bad. Did you _see_ Ikkaku last night? He didn't take his eyes off Yumichika hardly at all. Ikkaku _likes_ him," Ichigo stressed. "If Kaa goes to confront them or gets into Yumichika's shit, Ikkaku might really _kill_ Kaa. You know how he gets."

"Shit. That anger-management better have done _something_ for him, or this is fuckin' hopeless," Renji muttered as he waited for Ikkaku to pick up.

* * *

Yumichika lingered in the alcove separating the men's and women's restrooms, glancing to Ikkaku, who had followed him right up to the door. "You have to go too?" Yumichika asked a little warily, wondering if Ikkaku was going to follow him _inside_.

Ikkaku shook his head. "I thought you wanted me to beat off the pervs."

Yumichika opened the heavy storm door and peeked inside, looking around. "Well, the bathroom's empty, so you just have to stand outside like a bouncer."

"Oh. I can do that. I used to work as a bouncer." Ikkaku did the pose, spreading his legs apart, squaring his shoulders, and crossing arms, putting on a hardened glare. Yumichika put his head in his hands with a part-laugh part-sigh, and Ikkaku grinned at the cute noise.

"Here," Ikkaku offered, holding out a hand, "Gimme' yer' wallet n' phone n' junk, so it doesn't get all nasty." Yumichika pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.

"How do I know you won't run off with it once I go in?" Maybe it was just Ikkaku's overly-trusting nature when it came to Yumichika now, but he kept being surprised when Yumichika pointed out things like that. He supposed that Yumichika was right about them being strangers, even if he already felt like drowning in this ocean of warm feelings.

Ikkaku frowned, thinking for a minute, before taking out his own wallet and handing Yumichika his driver's license. "For solidarity. Just don't drop it in the toilet."

"Ch'. Yeah, I'll try." Yumichika rolled his eyes, sticking it in his back pocket. "Wait for me out here, and _don't_ come inside." Before Ikkaku could ask, Yumichika admitted, "I don't want you to listen to me peeing."

"Why would it matter?" Ikkaku countered, not that he particularly _wanted_ to listen one way or another but...

Yumichika's brain fizzled out for a minute, because his face twitched, and he was unable to come out with anything intelligent. "I'm your date! As far as you know, I _never_ pee!"

"Oh my god, forget I asked," Ikkaku said with a laugh. "I didn't realize you got stage-fright."

Yumichika glared at him darkly. "I never get stage-fright," he mumbled. Ikkaku rolled his eyes, shoving Yumichika inside the bathroom.

"Okay, okay, just get in there. I won't let anyone come in until you're done... since you're so _sensitive!_" Ikkaku joked. Yumichika was about to say something snarky back, but the door shut, the sound proof storm-haven allowing complete silence to fall.

Yumichika smiled, leaning against the cold steel of the closed door, sliding down it a little, clutching at the front of his shirt. This felt really wonderful. _Ikkaku_ was wonderful. Even the fact that he didn't seem to see anything wrong about 'going' in front of each other, as stupid as that was... Kaa hadn't even wanted to be around him when he so much as _sneezed_, let alone accompany him to the restroom. _Forget_ telling Kaa about stomachache symptoms.

But Ikkaku, Yumichika felt like he would care if he told him, that he'd want to know. Ikkaku was just... nothing like Kaa at all.

Yumichika sighed happily and then went to stand in front of the mirror.

Humming a little, he twirled a couple of times, holding the edges of his shirt out to look at himself. Yumichika smiled at his own face, taking the flower out of his hair and playing with it, leaning his elbows onto a dry spot on the sink counter to get closer to the mirror. "I'm happy," he whispered, the small words echoing in the acoustics of the bathroom. He touched the flower to his nose, leaning in close to press his forehead to the glass. "I'm really happy," he repeated quietly.

The handicap stall burst open with a _bang,_ door rebounding off the brick wall. Yumichika jumped three inches in the air, gasping loudly, grabbing his chest.

"So it _is_ you." Yumichika heard a laugh. "You're happy, huh? Ya' weren't so happy last night... What was it that you said?" He breathed shakily, extremely startled, but even with his heart pounding like that, he still recognized that voice. "Somethin' like 'I'm just _not_ happy'. Hm-hm-hm," came a low laugh.

"How did you know it was me?" Yumichika asked lowly, shivering a little, trying to slow his rocketing pulse.

"Just been around. I'm sure it's one'a those weird coincidences."

Yumichika's gut clenched up as the voice got closer. He didn't want to see Kaa. He didn't want to look at his face just yet. It was too soon after last night; he didn't want to see him. Glancing up in the mirror, he felt his stomach drop.

There he was behind him in the mirror, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed, a grin on his face. Yumichika swallowed, seeing his own face go pale.

It wasn't as if Nicholas was a really big guy like Ikkaku. He wasn't particularly strong, but he was taller than Yumichika was, and knew just how to intimidate him when he wanted to. It wasn't like Yumichika _couldn't_ fight him, it was just that... he _wouldn't._ Kaa made him feel so helpless.

"What are you doing here, Nicholas?" Yumichika felt like a gun was pressed at his back, and he didn't even want to take his eyes off Kaa for a single second, not even to turn and see the real one instead of the reflection.

"_Here-_here?" Kaa clarified, eyes opening wider, expression quite flippant, like they hadn't broken up last night. "Pissing."

"Don't start. Answer me," Yumichika said with a tone that was braver than he felt.

"Oh, the usual." Kaa shrugged, pushed himself off the wall with his foot, coming towards him with raised maroon eyebrows. Yumichika turned around to face the real Kaa, not wanting to look at the reflection of himself anymore, so pale and scared-looking. That wasn't who he was. Ayasegawa Yumichika had a backbone, he could protect himself, he was brave. It was day one of strong-Yumichika, right?

He didn't feel like that person. That memory of himself seemed so far away. Yumichika backed himself up to the counter, edging away from the man he'd spent so long revolving his life around.

He felt threatened. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, and he had a sick feeling in his gut, as if he really _was_ being held at gunpoint.

"Throwing rocks at windows, tripping old people," he joked. He looked upwards, smacking his lips once, biting at his lip ring as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "... Setting trash cans on fire. You know, just passing time while I skulk on my man." His eyes flicked to Yumichika at the words, causing his heart to jolt.

"You're not funny," Yumichika whispered, frowning, still hyped up on adrenaline from the initial shock of Kaa slamming the door open. Kaa had shown up unannounced before, so that wasn't so new, but it still startled Yumichika every time. At one time it had been charming, but now it just disturbed him.

"Ya' look nervous," Kaa noted somewhat darkly. "Whatsa' matter?" he asked, looming closer, smile not diminishing. Yumichika began to slide across the sink counter until his back hit the wall, trying to maintain the distance between them.

Kaa was closer now, placing his hands on the wall on either side of Yumichika's face. Yumichika jumped, screwing his eyes shut. "Hey," Kaa grabbed his chin, ignoring his flinching. "Look at me. _Look_ at me," he repeated, squeezing when Yumichika didn't open his eyes right away.

Yumichika did then, and somehow it was so much different than when Ikkaku said it; there wasn't that regard for his feelings, there wasn't that tone that made it a request and not a demand. Kaa's hand was stone cold on his face, and Yumichika felt like the fire in his heart had been put out with a damp towel.

"What's this about you leavin' me? I know that you're not leavin' me, huh?" Kaa gently ran his hand over Yumichika's hair, smiling crookedly in the way that Yumichika had always used to love. Now it looked like the devil with its cracked Glasgow grin. He no longer saw beauty, and Kaa's presence was no longer comforting.

Yumichika tilted his head back, shuddering when he felt nails skate down his neck and to his shoulder, moving the thin airy fabric of his overlarge shirt aside. Some part of him would rather Kaa be cruel right now. He'd rather have proof that Kaa was rotten to the core; he didn't want to doubt his decision or try to hang onto whatever slivers of good might be inside Kaa.

It had always been Yumichika's downfall to latch onto beautiful people who were toxic inside, something about seeking out alike entities, since Yumichika was like that too. However, it suddenly jarred him to see nothing but beauty in someone so horrible, someone who had hurt him so badly. Kaa was perfect on the outside, and Yumichika didn't want Kaa to treat him nicely, didn't want Kaa to play sweet, because if he did, Yumichika would fall for that illusion again.

He wanted anything but this gentle gesture, what he had been yearning for for so long from Kaa. It wasn't fair that his manipulation was working; it was making Yumichika's blood boil. Even after everything that he'd been put through, he he couldn't help but want Kaa's cruel trickery. Even after all of that, he still wanted it.

Ugh, Yumichika could just _scream._

Kaa saw the violent twitch in his cheek, raising an eyebrow. "Huh? You throwin' a tantrum on me? You want me all to yourself? Flattering, but ineffective."

"No," Yumichika whispered through gritted teeth. This bastard thought knew everything, didn't he? "I'm not throwing a fit."

"Ya' know, this little scheme a' yer's coulda' been avoided," Kaa said with a smirk. "Just tell me ya' want me ta' come back," he baited, and Yumichika had to keep himself from crying out in frustration, because not so very long ago, he would've stooped to doing just that, to pleading for Kaa's return - which would be completely in vain.

"Just say it, Yumichika," Kaa goaded once again, smirk growing wider as he anticipated Yumichika crumbling in his hands like always. "... It's just a few words. Just tell me - you want me - to come - _back,_" Kaa punctuated when Yumichika didn't say a word, just glaring defiantly back at him.

"That never worked before," Yumichika finally snapped, tensed up like a wounded animal on the defense. Yumichika was surprised to realize that he was about to start crying. He was shaking a little bit, fear beginning to kick in and spread through his body.

What did Kaa want from him? Did he know that he was seeing someone else now and was out to ruin his life? Was he _angry_? Yumichika honestly didn't know what Kaa was capable of and it scared him, since Kaa had never had cause to be jealous before. Kaa might be furious under this veneer. He was like a rubber band just waiting to snap.

"That's cause' it's selfish not ta' share all _this,"_ Kaa said with a grin, gesturing to himself. That wasn't the first time he'd talked about sleeping with other people and then smiled in Yumichika's face. "Huh?" he prodded, as if to get Yumichika to agree that he was right.

"Well, I'm not sharing you with anyone, and you're not sharing _me_ either, because I'm not with you anymore," Yumichika said, voice quavering. "Leave me alone. I don't want to see you right now."

Kaa didn't listen, smile going sour. "What, so yer' mad now? You're tired of waiting or some shit?"

"Uh, _y__es._ Hello? How many years has it been now? I've wasted _far _too long on you," Yumichika hissed, putting a hand on Kaa's chest, pushing him back. "It's just not worth it anymore." Kaa didn't move, in fact, he loomed over him more than ever, eyes going dark, smile twisting into a scowl.

"Not _worth_ it?" he challenged, causing Yumichika to shrink back. "When didja' break, huh? You aren't strong enough ta' wait anymore?"

"I'm strong enough to know that it's time to bail_. That's all you ever did to me was bail_," Yumichika spat, shoving at his chest, getting an inch - and you know what they say about gaining an inch and taking a mile. "The times you come back aren't worth the times you're gone. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be done."

"Is that right," Kaa said lowly. "Ya' don't want it no more?... No?" Yumichika shook his head 'no'. "Hm," Kaa hummed in contemplation. "Then how come you're out here lookin' like you want company? Why're you runnin' around town just waiting for me ta' snatch you up?"

"I'm _not_ looking for you. I can leave my house without it having to do with you. There doesn't _need_ to be a reason. Maybe I just wanted fresh air." Kaa looked at him blankly.

"But everything you do has to do with me somehow," Kaa said, and he would've been right at one point.

"Well not anymore." Kaa blinked, brow twitching, and Yumichika could see a flicker of doubt. "I don't have to explain anything I do to you, Kaa. This is _my _Saturday, and I'll do what I want with it."

Kaa looked at him for a minute, before a laugh bubbled out of his throat. "Oh, that's right, I forgot." He shook a finger with a smile like he had Yumichika pegged. "You're out here with the _new_ guy. _That's_ why." Kaa began to snicker, and Yumichika felt shame coiling in his gut. Kaa had always made him feel so small and stupid.

Yumichika startled when Kaa slipped the little flower out of his hand, looking at it with a grin. "I'd say he loves you _not_," he joked, picking a petal off and blowing it into Yumichika's face. "We know what he's _really_ after, don't we? I mean, what else have you got? I'm the only one who'll want you for what you really are." Yumichika looked at the flower helplessly, swallowing.

"What's he got that I don't, anyways?" Kaa challenged. "What could he _possibly_ have, Yumichika? There's no reason for you to be out flaunting him, trying to get a rise outta' me. Why would I even be jealous of him?"

"This has nothing to do with that, do you hear me?" Kaa scowled deeply for a split second, flower quivering a little because of how tight and tremulous his grip became. "Who cares who I see? I'm done with you."

"No. No, you're not done," Kaa said simply, putting the flower back behind Yumichika's ear.

"I'm done if I say I'm done, and I say so! It's over!"

"It's not over."

"It _is_ over, Nicholas, I'm done with you now!" Yumichika insisted, but Kaa kept shaking his head and countering it with the opposite, making Yumichika begin to feel helpless. Didn't Kaa have to accept it if he said he was leaving? He couldn't just say _no,_ right? Yumichika said they were done, so they were done! Kaa couldn't put in an appeal or stop his decision, right? Ugh, this was so frustrating.

"I'm not coming back to you just so I can waste my life some more." Yumichika sighed, shaking his head, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "I'm not happy, okay? You don't care about how I feel," he ticked off on his fingers, "You don't want to talk to me, you don't want to see me, you don't want me to meet your family, you-" Yumichika lowered his voice to a hiss, even though they were alone, "You never even _look_ at me when we have sex."

Kaa pursed his lips at that.

"Living without you is pretty much the same as living _with_ you! For one, you never come home. At least this way I don't have to hear the answering machine fill up with your booty-calls wondering where you are!"

"You're upset," Kaa finally said, his face flashing recognition. "You're actually hurt," he mused, frowning. "Yumichika, you know I like you better than them. You know that," he repeated, as if trying to assure himself that he believed it.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Yumichika said brokenly. "If you want me more than anyone else, if you mean that, then why do you show it the way you do?... Why am I not good enough that you'll stay? Why do you keep saying that you like me the best, just so I'll waste my time?"

"But- but-" Kaa sputtered for a minute, expression breaking into one of helplessness, able to hear that Yumichika was nearing tears. "How was I supposed ta' know you weren't happy?" he asked, as if it hadn't occurred to him that Yumichika was a separate entity with feelings as important as his own. "C'mon, I'm not out to waste your time. Wasting it doin' _what_, anyways?"

"Waiting for _you,_ you stupid-" Kaa grabbed his arms, and Yumichika stiffened up, gasping a little.

Kaa made a mock-shocked expression to copy Yumichika and then started laughing, seeming to find pleasure in scaring him, or perhaps not even realizing that he had. "What do you mean, waiting for me? I'm right here, stupid. I never left."

"What?" Yumichika asked faintly, fingers shaking.

"C'mon, I miss you. I _love_ you'," Kaa said easily, leaning down and smiling in his face like he didn't know how deeply unfair of him it was to say it now. Oh that smile... Yumichika was _so_ close to forgiving him.

But then he shook his head. "No. No, you don't. How you've treated me is not love. You don't get to say that to me. You don't get to do that, _Kaa."_ Kaa bristled a little at his name, like Yumichika had just uttered a horrible curse word.

"Hey, don't call me that." Kaa shook him once, roughly, scaring Yumichika out of his wits. He went still for a moment, heart frozen in fear. "Yumichika. Don't you call me that." Then he paused, loosening his tight grip, but not enough to let Yumichika get away. "Well... That's okay... You're upset. You didn't mean it."

"Don't tell me what I don't mean!"

"You don't tell me what _I_ don't mean. And I mean, I _love_ you," Kaa said again, and Yumichika could've cried at those words. How he wanted to apologize and go back, but he had no reason to apologize, he knew he didn't.

Yumichika tried to worm out of his grip, shaking his head, because he was so unused to having Kaa touch him with his hands. "Let me go, you're just trying to-"

"C'mon." Kaa shook him again gently, drawing him in closer. Yumichika tried to resist, really he did, but some secret dark part of him wanted the embrace that he was being drawn into, so with guilt, he allowed it. He really did still have some feelings left, some part of him that _craved_ Kaa's affection like nothing else.

"No," Yumichika said softly, but didn't make to get away. "You _cheated_ on me, you got me fired, you crashed my car and broke my arm. I _hate_ you, Nicholas, I never loved you," Yumichika lied in a cracked, bitter voice. "You've ruined my life, and I'm not-" Kaa tilted his face up and kissed him.

Yumichika melted. Oh... This was... Oh, wow.

Yumichika felt his hands going up to Kaa's face, and oh, he so desperately wanted to just give in and go back, but some part of him knew that it would never feel right. There was new love... There was someone else who barely knew him, but still found him so wonderful and who had treated him better in two days than Kaa had in the last two _years._

But, oh, this kiss was just what he had craved for so long, and he couldn't help himself. When was the last time he'd been kissed? He couldn't remember; he thought Kaa had before, but he couldn't remember a specific instance. He'd dreamed of it so many times, that he wasn't even sure the true memories were real.

He sank into Kaa's arms and kissed him back, pulling his face closer. Kaa hummed in response, giving a small laugh, and just like that, the embrace didn't feel right anymore. Kaa was too cold and hard and angled, and his hands felt like spiders. His laugh was like poison, so smug and knowing. He didn't feel _real_ anymore, and his tongue felt like an icicle in his mouth. Yumichika's eyes opened again, and suddenly he was struck with such deep revulsion and self-hatred that he almost couldn't bear it.

Kaa had kissed him to shut him up, and he was letting it work. He was letting Kaa get away with it _again._

When had he become so pathetic that a kiss could do that to him? What had happened to his pride? What had happened to the brave, arrogant, never-ashamed Yumichika, the one who was too good for anybody, the one who never let anyone use him? What had happened to Yumichika the heart-breaker? When had that person become Yumichika the heart-_broken?_ Who was he? God, he didn't recognize himself anymore.

Yumichika pulled away, turning his head to the side sharply to break the contact. "I don't- No, I don't. I don't," he babbled, not knowing what he was even saying it about. "This doesn't feel like I wanted it to. This is just-"

"What? I still got it," Kaa breathed, the air hitting his cheek. Yumichika realized it was a mistake to have turned his head away, since Kaa just leaned down and mouthed at his exposed neck, weakening his resolve again. Why did Kaa had to do this now? Why, oh why? After all this time of never showing affection, now of all times, he was choosing to screw with Yumichika's head some more. "C'mon, I still got it. Huh?"

"Yeah, you do... but I don't want it anymore," Yumichika grit out, going limp at the sucking mouth on his pulse point. Oh this was so cruel, using this against him, using this to lure him in again.

"No?" Kaa said simperingly, kissing him again with fervor. Yumichika made a noise into it, trying to turn his head away, but ceasing his resistance soon enough, just allowing it to happen again. "C'mon," Kaa whispered onto his mouth, "You know that I love you. You know that... That's why you won't leave."

Yumichika was almost swept up again by those cold lips, but after a few seconds of bitter passiveness, something began to bubble up in the pit of his stomach. He felt his arms lifting, maybe to wrap around Kaa's neck in an embrace. What was the feeling? Happiness? Maybe. What did that feel like again?

Kaa made a little noise onto his mouth and Yumichika decided the feeling was rage. His hand went rigid and he coiled back and slapped Kaa in the face as hard as he could.

Yumichika was tired, so so tired of just lying still and letting things happen to him. He was tired of passively waiting, enduring, biding time for some future pay-off that wasn't going to come. It would take a real apology to get him to listen, and Kaa obviously wasn't going to give him one, and so there was nothing left here. There was nothing to stay for, as awful as it was.

The anger turned to fear almost immediately, and his heart seized at what he'd just done. He stood there in shock for a minute, still hearing the slapping sound ringing in the air.

Kaa cracked his jaw, touching his cheek, and Yumichika felt panic rise up in his throat. His hand was tingling, and his chest was tight from holding back tears, but all he could do was stand there and wait, frozen. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ikkaku in the mirror, staring right at them.

Yumichika didn't look back at Kaa, didn't look at Ikkaku, unable to bear meeting their eyes, not knowing what he would see. He just rushed out of the bathroom, leaving the two men behind, not knowing where to go, just that it had to be somewhere other than here.


	8. Chapter 8

Just as Ikkaku started thinking that Yumichika was taking an awfully long time to pee, he got a call from Renji, who had babbled at him for almost five whole minutes before he'd gotten him to slow down enough to let him get a word in. His heart had sunk further and further as the conversation went on.

Yumichika might be in real danger from the sounds of things.

Ikkaku had opened the bathroom door to tell Yumichika about Kaa knowing his address and that they should go check his apartment, but that... that _guy_ was in there looming over him. Presumably, it was Kaa. He matched Yumichika's description, at least: extremely handsome, dark-red spiked-up hair, domineering attitude.

Shit, Kaa had found him. This guy worked fast.

They didn't notice him, continuing with their conversation, the echoes giving the room cave-like acoustics.

Immediately, Ikkaku slapped a hand over his chest, subconsciously seeking to claw at a scab and staples that were no longer there. This unbearable ache shot through him with each heartbeat, buzzing along with the vibration of that voice. That never happened unless it was- No. No, it must happen with Kaa too.

Ikkaku's skin began to itch all over, practically crawling, and his chest burned like it hadn't in a long time. He scratched at his scar like crazy, gritting his teeth against the deep aching sensation. He'd only ever met one other person who could make it act up worse than this.

Ikkaku blinked through his blurred vision, honing in on Yumichika, who looked, so... so _helpless._

Ikkaku clenched his teeth, practically tearing himself up from indecision. Oooh, he wanted to punch that guy! He wanted to grab him and shake him around like a Rottweiler, but still the rational part of him said that this was Yumichika's fight. He couldn't cut in, he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to.

Of course, if Yumichika seemed to be unsafe, if Kaa made to hurt him or something, Ikkaku was gonna' bust in there, no questions asked. Otherwise, he had to sit back.

Ikkaku didn't want to, but he knew he had to give Yumichika the chance to deal with the guy himself; Kaa didn't have a knife or a gun or anything, so Yumichika probably had things under control and could handle it on his own. There was no reason for Kaa to get violent - although that had never stopped _anyone,_ as far as Ikkaku was concerned.

The point was that Kaa probably didn't even _know_ that Ikkaku and Yumichika were now seeing each other. He was probably just doing the routine 'please take me back' speech after a breakup. He was probably groveling at Yumichika's feet.

Ikkaku listened on quietly, stock still, reluctantly waiting it out and practically glaring holes into Kaa's head when he realized that Kaa was _not_ groveling. He was further prodding _Yumichika_, as if _Yumichika_ was the one who had to come crawling back. Ikkaku brooded silently, still not making to go inside, since everything seemed to be going relatively okay.

However, then the conversation got stickier, Yumichika began to look cornered, and Ikkaku's gut started to clench up, along with his fists.

Shit. This was no good. Clenched fists' purpose was to punch, and he really didn't want to interfere if he didn't have to. This was Yumichika's business, and no matter how much his body was screaming at him to get in there and beat the absolute hell out of Kaa for _daring_ to speak to Yumichika like that, Ikkaku still knew that he had to let Yumichika handle this.

From the reflection he could see in the mirror, Yumichika was getting really freaked out. He looked like a scared cat, all puffed up and bristling. Oh man, Ikkaku didn't like the way Kaa hovered over him, using his larger size for intimidation.

Even more so, Ikkaku didn't like the way he _talked_ to him. It was patronizing, borderline-disrespectful, and overall, something about it was a little creepy, like some car-salesman out for blood. His voice made chills go down Ikkaku's spine. Worse than that, it wasn't just the _way_ he talked. It was what he _said._ Oh, if Ikkaku could storm in there, he'd just like to take him and... _gah!_

Kaa was just as handsome as Yumichika had made him out to be, so much so that he didn't look entirely real. Kaa was about the same height as Ikkaku was, a little on the thin side, but toned, kind of like Ichigo. He had extremely fair and clear skin, giving him a ghostly quality in the lights of the bathroom. His hair was cherry red, with dark red roots, gelled so much that it defied gravity, and the guy had even dyed his eyebrows from the looks of it. Ikkaku curled his lip, because as handsome as the guy was, he was just a completely disgusting person, and it showed on the man's face and ruined his attractiveness completely.

Things didn't seem to be going too badly - besides the utter shit Kaa was talking - but then Kaa started _touching_ Yumichika like he owned his body or something, and Ikkaku was ready to snap his neck, his chest and his knuckles tingling like crazy. He didn't care how many times Kaa and Yumichika had had sex; it didn't give Kaa a right to just get up in his personal space like that when Yumichika _obviously_ didn't want him there. Consent could be revoked at any time!

When Kaa told Yumichika he loved him, Ikkaku had just about had it. It was all too obvious that saying something like now was a gesture of cruelty rather than care. Kaa might have meant the words, but it didn't sound very sincere to him. Then again, everything Kaa said sounded insincere.

Ikkaku just didn't understand how this guy could love Yumichika but treat him the way he did.

Yumichika's resistance started to visibly flicker after hearing those words, alone with the embrace Kaa had wrapped him in. Yumichika tried to squirm out of it after one single moment of allowing it. Ikkaku could see the indecision on his face. This guy was toying with Yumichika's heart, but it seemed like Yumichika was keeping his head, rattling off all the bad things Kaa had done to him.

Ikkaku felt rage boiling just beneath the surface of his skin, his scar hurting like it hadn't in a long time as Kaa chuckled lowly. Even so, Yumichika didn't just push past Kaa and walk out. Yumichika just stayed there and took it like he felt that he wasn't allowed to leave. Maybe this was why Renji and Ichigo had been so surprised to see him with Yumichika: they'd known that Yumichika had a habit of going back to this guy and had given up hope on him finding someone else.

He had to help Yumichika get out of this; Yumichika had even told him that he hadn't been able to do it on his own for a long time... until last night. Yumichika had thanked him for the bravery, the courage to handle things himself, someone believing in him.

Ikkaku swallowed. What kind of fool did this make, though? What was the point of putting all this effort in, anyways? Ikkaku had his own problems to be worrying about. What was wrong with him, falling in love with a guy in two days? A guy who wasn't even technically available?

A guy who was _literally in another man's arms?_

Kaa grabbed Yumichika's face, forcing him to tilt his chin up, and Ikkaku _just_ stopped himself from going in there and kicking the guy in the balls. A moment after, Ikkaku felt like _he'd_ been kicked in the balls, because Kaa silenced Yumichika's protests by kissing him, probably with tongue, and Yumichika let him.

Maybe Yumichika had lingering feelings and regrets for this guy. Well, of course he did; they'd only just broken up last night, and Yumichika had been crying his eyes out over it. He'd told Ikkaku that Kaa hadn't given him much affection, so _of course_ this would be Yumichika's weak spot. Kaa seemed like a clever and highly manipulative person from the way he'd been talking, and he'd probably known that this would be Yumichika's kryptonite.

Sure enough, Yumichika started kissing back, and Ikkaku felt ready to throw up. Fuck, he was starting to remember why he hadn't wanted to date. This really fucking hurt. Kaa had been right. Yumichika really was gonna' go back... Ikkaku had... Ikkaku had thought that...

Never mind what he'd thought. He'd been wrong.

Unable to bear watching any longer, Ikkaku was about to let the door close, but Yumichika pulled back from Kaa, shaking his head wildly. Ikkaku grit his teeth as Kaa dove back into the kiss to silence him. Yumichika was into it for a few more seconds, and then _pow -_

Out of nowhere, Yumichika slapped the _shit_ out of him, the sound cutting through all of Ikkaku's internal hurt and silencing it, causing the ache in his chest to buzz and then die. Ikkaku blinked, taken aback. Had Yumichika really just _done_ that? Fuck, that had to hurt! The sound was still ringing in his ears, echoing through the storm-cellar room. Sure enough, Kaa was holding his face, checking for blood. Ikkaku just stared at them both.

Yumichika's eyes met his suddenly in the glass, and he could see the rush of shock, shame, and then the overwhelming guilt.

They all just stood there for a minute, Kaa and Ikkaku watching Yumichika, who was stock-still. He looked trapped for a moment, desperate for escape and near tears; then the moment broke and Yumichika rushed out of the bathroom.

Ikkaku glared at Kaa, who was looking him dead in the eyes in the mirror with a blank expression. Fuck, he was getting creeped out, but not enough that he didn't snarl at the guy and slam the bathroom door.

He could hear Kaa laughing in there like a mad-man. Okay, there was no fucking way he was letting Yumichika stay in his own apartment while this fucker was on the loose.

How had Kaa found him? No seriously, _how?_ Had he followed them all day and sat around in the bathroom just waiting on the off-chance that Yumichika decided to go in there? No, no, even Kaa wouldn't be that crazy. It was something else... but definitely not a coincidence.

Whatever it was, it told Ikkaku that Kaa would be able to show up like that at any given time, and until they got him out of their lives, Yumichika wasn't safe to be alone.

Ikkaku rushed after Yumichika, whose face was frightfully blank and stony, completely numb as he stared at the ground. That somehow hurt more than seeing tears in his eyes, and Ikkaku bit his lip hard, trying to think of something reassuring to say.

"I'm going home now," Yumichika said with a dull voice, jaw slack and eyes sad. He was so pale and shaky looking that Ikkaku wanted to turn around and go _pound_ that fucker! How _dare_ he do this to his Yumichika? His poor sweet Yumichika who wanted nothing but to be free?

If he left to go kill Kaa though, there would be no one to stop Yumichika from going home, and Ikkaku couldn't let him go home on his own, not if he looked so sad and lonesome... This was supposed to have been a good day for them. How had things gone so wrong?

"What?" Ikkaku mumbled, aghast at Yumichika's hollow tone of voice. "Already? But-"

"I just- I don't-" Yumichika got frustrated then, growling and clenching his fingers in front of his face. "Ugh!" He then put his face in his hands with a swift pitiful sigh. Ikkaku took his wrists, pulling him under one of his arms, and began taking him away, eager to get as far away from that bathroom and that creep as he could.

"C'mon, don't go yet," Ikkaku begged. "Please? We don't have to let our time be ruined. You don't have to let him get under your skin."

"It's not a matter of me letting him," Yumichika said so quietly that Ikkaku was beginning to feel seriously scared for him. "He'll do whatever he wants to."

"Yumichika," Ikkaku said firmly, "If you don't want to see him, _I_ _won't let him come around. _I'll keep him away. You're not all on your own. _I'm_ here," he promised.

"You can't be there all the time," Yumichika whispered, not removing his face from his hands. Suddenly, Ikkaku realized that Yumichika was trembling, _trembling_. Ikkaku's heart wilted and then filled with unquenchable rage. Kaa had _scared_ Yumichika. What kind of man did that to the one they love?

"Besides," Yumichika mumbled, "Why would you even bother. I'm pathetic. He goes and acts like that and I still love him anyways. Why would you even waste your time?"

"Yumichika, you're not a waste of time," Ikkaku assured, trying to make Yumichika lift his face and look at him, to make him believe it was true. "Yumichika..."

Yumichika remained silent then, not able to bear to even look up from the ground. Ikkaku frowned deeply. "I... I'm not mad at you," he said, just feeling like it was something he should say.

"How could you not be?" Yumichika wondered, so quietly that it was really starting to freak Ikkaku out. "You saw what I did. How could you not be angry?"

Ikkaku gave a moan of frustration and helplessness, "Guh, I oughta' shake you." He took Yumichika by the shoulders, stopping them on the street and making him turn towards him. "I'm _not mad_."

Yumichika made a small noise in response that expressed his disbelief.

"Yumichika," Ikkaku asserted, "he's messing with your head. That shit he was saying was such utter garbage, and I'm sure he's been saying that crap for a _long time._ He's been filling your ears with all of that and you still chose to dump him. You have no reason to be ashamed."

Yumichika's chin was still pointed down, hair hiding his eyes. Ikkaku shrugged a little, hesitantly saying, "Sure, I wish you hadn'ta' kissed him... but I'm not mad at you. I told you, I _like_ you." He shook Yumichika a little, making him look at him, "I _like_ you, I said. You told me you were leaving him, and I believe you."

Yumichika met his eyes then, tinged with red. Ikkaku thought back to how every time Yumichika had said he was leaving, Kaa would counter it and make Yumichika doubt his decision by telling Yumichika what 'Yumichika' really thought.

"I..." Ikkaku wanted to say more, but thought they should keep moving. "C'mon." He took his arm and walked with him, further away from that bathroom.

"What concerns me is how he just found you like that," Ikkaku muttered under his breath, his neck prickling. "He knew you'd come in there and just waited for you... What on earth... How could he know that?" Yumichika didn't say anything, eyes distant like he was thinking deeply.

"Let's go in one of these stores." Ikkaku picked one, a small outlet which he quickly navigated, taking them to the back behind some coat racks. He gestured for Yumichika to sit down, and he squatted in front of him, taking his shaking hands.

"Listen to me, okay? Look at me," he said gently. "Hey, look at me." Yumichika twitched suddenly, jerking back a tiny bit, eyes wide. Ikkaku frowned, but the moment passed, and Yumichika obeyed. After a couple seconds of searching each other's eyes, Ikkaku took a breath to speak. "I'm sorry. I'm not good at this, okay?"

Yumichika nodded, lip quivering a little. Ikkaku rubbed his hands, trying to get them to stop trembling. Kaa had really scared him, Ikkaku could tell, and it made him furious.

"I've been on my own for a while," Ikkaku admitted, "I've gone through a hard time recently, and I'm in a good place now. I thought it was finally time for me to settle down. When I met you, it just came into my head that I was ready to date, and I really want this to work. I'm falling for you." Yumichika blinked, looking back at him. "I'd pretty much open my veins for you, Yumichika," Ikkaku said with a half-grin, drawing a smile from him. "Okay? I want this work out, and I'm willing to do whatever that takes."

He felt like a fucking fool for going this far for someone he'd only recently met, but god, Yumichika was the first person who'd made him want to change, and he just really didn't want to lose that. He felt so... _okay_ when Yumichika was around. He felt good about himself, and that meant a lot for him.

Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck. "I know I'm taking this more seriously than I should, but I just wanted you to know where I'm coming from. I never wanted to date till' I met you. You make me... really happy, and... Look, _you're_ the one I want, so I'm willing to put the effort in so that I don't lose you. I really want this," he said, feeling slightly embarrassed as Yumichika just looked back at him.

"But if you think you're not ready to leave him for good... if you're still tangled up with him or something, or if you think you're gonna' go back," Ikkaku said with a sigh, "If you're not as serious about this as me, just tell me, so I don't get ahead of myself." Ikkaku frowned then, "I mean, it's okay if this takes you a while to work through. We can just be friends until you feel like you've gotten over him, if you want. I just... I really want you in my life," Ikkaku said, trailing off at the sight of Yumichika's expression.

"You just tell me what you want, and we'll do that, okay?" he murmured, cursing himself for maybe having said too much.

Yumichika was quiet for a long time. After a few minutes of silence, he brought their linked hands up to his cheek and held them there with his trembling fingers.

Ikkaku knelt down and held him close to his chest, feeling like he'd pushed Yumichika too far too soon. "You don't have to decide right now. You can just think about for a-"

"I want to leave," Yumichika interrupted him, wiping under his eyes to get the tears before they fell. "That's what I want."

Ikkaku's heart pretty much broke at that. "Oh... O-okay. You can... you can go home, I didn't want to- I-... I'm sorry," he stuttered, frowning, looking at the ground, the feeling of utter loss and failure permeating into his psyche and taking him back there to when he'd been lying on his back on the pavement.

"No." Yumichika sniffed, shaking his head. "I mean I want to leave _him_," he clarified, and Ikkaku perked up a little bit. "I want to be done with him, I promise. I'm not going back. I'm tired of not being happy," Yumichika said in a small voice.

"All those nice things you said... You try so hard," he choked out. "Do you know how long it's been since he's even taken the time of day just to _see_ me? And here you are, ready to do so much," Yumichika's voice cracked, and he half-raised a hand to his mouth, ready to cover it if he burst into tears. "It's- it's-" Yumichika whimpered, sniffling.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Ikkaku said, panicking, fluttering his hands over Yumichika, not knowing where to touch him for comfort. "Shit, don't cry, _please_ don't cry... Oh man." He grabbed Yumichika's head and pressed it to his chest, stroking his hair awkwardly. "Uh... Sh," he tried after a moment.

Yumichika gave a watery laugh and a sniffle at the sweetness, before sighing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened... Ugh, I was already so embarrassed about last night. I didn't want you to see that, and now here I am doing it _again._" He wiped hard at his eyes, sniffing hard.

"Hey, it's okay. I don't think badly of you. I probably woulda' cried too," Ikkaku admitted in a hushed tone. "Well no, actually. If some dick-bag was talking shit to me over the phone, I woulda' given him hell, but still, don't be... don't be embarrassed," Ikkaku said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

Yumichika sighed with a half-smile, shaking his head. "This whole mess is just exhausting... but I think it's worth it. I certainly feel safer with you here."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku inquired, because usually people felt the opposite. He rubbed Yumichika's hair a little more, still a little jittery over almost having Yumichika start crying on him again. He'd grind that fucker's face into the cement if he pulled that shit again. "Good." Ikkaku held Yumichika to him tightly. "I meant it. I won't let him near you if you don't want to see him... I won't let anything happen."

Yumichika nodded, blinking hard to suck his tears back up into his eyeballs. "Can we... Is it really okay after..." his voice trailed off. "How can you still trust me after I just did that?"

Ikkaku grimaced, trying to assure Yumichika that he seriously didn't even care. "I'm not upset over that, okay? I just want to beat him up a little for grabbing you like that."

"A little," Yumichika repeated, staring at some of the coats, before laughing.

"Yeah, but you already took care of that, didn't you? That was quite the slap," Ikkaku said with a proud grin. Yumichika's lip twisted with a small smile.

"An' hey," Ikkaku prompted, and Yumichika looked up to him, "Of course I trust you. You broke up with him last night. I was _there_. He's the creep who's following you around. I have no reason ta' be mad at _you. _You didn't ask for him ta' come here."

"But, Ikkaku, I _kissed_ him," Yumichika replied, holding his stomach, looking wretched. "After I said I wanted to be with _you,_ I kissed someone else."

"Look," Ikkaku sighed, putting a hand to his own temple. "Would you have kissed him if he hadn't made you?"

"No," Yumichika said right away, frowning as if he didn't see why that mattered.

"Exactly," Ikkaku punctuated with a harsh glare. "Now it's time to stop talking about it. Please."

"Okay." Yumichika sniffled, taking a shaky breath. "I just thought for sure that you'd be scared off when you saw how much there was to still deal with. I never thought you'd want to be official with me if you saw that he was still around and that I might go back."

"I'm not worried about that, I can deal with it," Ikkaku promised, and he meant it. "I'm patient." He flashed a grin. It was funny, cause' he wasn't normally a patient person, but for this, he was willing to endure through a hell of a lot. "So it's down to the brass tacks then," he began, eyeing Yumichika warily.

Yumichika looked up in surprise, waiting for him to clarify.

"You gonna' let me be sweet on you, or what?" Yumichika nodded. "Really?" Ikkaku asked, taken aback. "You do know that I meant 'being official' just now, right?"

Yumichika nodded again. "You'll be my _boyfriend?_ That's what I'm getting at here." Yumichika nodded once more, smiling at Ikkaku's incredulous tone. "_Really?_"

_"Yes,"_ Yumichika said, poking him in the stomach. Ikkaku grinned that crazy grin again, and Yumichika smiled wider.

"Fuck," Ikkaku gasped, smiling. "I wanna' hug you and spin you around, but there's no room in here," he said breathlessly, and Yumichika just felt so happy inside that he could hardly even contain it. He laughed a little, standing unsteadily, and Ikkaku kept his excitement toned down to a quick tight embrace. Yumichika returned it, his grin fading away after a moment.

Ikkaku looked at him seriously then, holding him by the shoulders. "I wonder if you're okay." He searched Yumichika's face for a moment. "Are you afraid?"

Yumichika shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Why're you lying to me?" Ikkaku asked, so gently that Yumichika startled a bit, inwardly curling with shame at having lied out of reflex. He was just so used to not wanting to be a bother, that it had just come out.

Ikkaku didn't seem upset, more saddened than anything, which hurt worse than anger would've. "Please talk ta' me, Yumichika. I'm not expecting you to pretend everything's great and that it doesn't hurt, okay? You don't have to talk to me about it, but _don't lie._"

Yumichika bit his lip, eyes flicking down.

Ikkaku brushed his cheek a little, voice going softer. "It's okay for you to be sad and to miss him. You can talk about anything to me. You can even talk about him. Don't worry about my feelings. Just... please don't say you're okay if you're not. How am I supposed to help if you do?"

Yumichika nodded slowly. "Okay..." He repeated it again more quietly, "I do feel better now that I've broken things off with him, it's just that I don't know if he realizes that I was serious." Ikkaku's brow creased with thought, and he gave a hum for Yumichika to continue, "Maybe that's why he came here... He knew where I was. If I go home, is he going to follow me?... He knew where I was," Yumichika repeated, frowning. "Things like that have happened before, where he'll just pop up like that... He hasn't done it in a long time, but I think he... Well, I don't _know_ how he does it."

That disturbed Ikkaku greatly.

"Let's go back to my house and work something out, okay? I don't care if he knows where _I_ live. I'll kick his ass if he comes around," Ikkaku said darkly. Yumichika pursed his lips, drawing him out of his mood. "Anyways, Renji and Ichigo are gonna' come by real quick; they're really worried... They called and told me that Kaa tricked your address out of 'em. We don't think you should sleep alone until this gets cleared up."

"Okay." Yumichika nodded, feeling a little braver. "I don't think he'd actually _do_ anything to me, but... I just don't want to see him, so even if this just keeps him from showing up, then..." Yumichika sighed, shaking his head and smiling a little. "Thank you, Ikkaku."

"Why?" he asked blankly.

"It's just so much easier to think rationally with you here. You just... you take me _seriously._ I don't feel so powerless." He looked up at him then. "I'm so glad that I met you," he said simply, beaming.

"Fuck," Ikkaku muttered to himself, looking down at his shoes with a blush. He hid his eyes with a hand, scowling to himself, his heart pounding like crazy. He'd almost lost his fucking balance for a second.

"What's this all of a sudden?" Yumichika said in concern, trying to peek at his face to see what he was hiding. "What? What's the matter?"

"I just... Ugh."

"What?!"

Ikkaku looked up at him, face red with embarrassment, frown a little awkward. Yumichika suddenly realized that he was being _shy_. "I'm... uh, I'm glad too."

Yumichika melted inside, cheeks flushing a little. "Just hold my hand."

Ikkaku's blush intensified, and he hid his eyes again, looking the other way as he thrust his hand out for Yumichika to take.

* * *

"Yumichika, I think you should stay over at our place until we figure something out," Renji said worriedly, scratching at the back of his neck. He bit his lip with guilt. "This is my fault, so I wanna' take care of it."

"It's not all your fault," Yumichika sighed. "I could've chosen a better way to break the news to him."

Ichigo growled, "That bastard didn't deserve anything more than a phone break-up." Yumichika quieted down at that, looking at the ground. Ichigo looked to the side, glaring at nothing. "Tch'. Can't believe that piece a' shit is out here stalking you now."

"_I_ can," Renji retorted. "What _I_ can't believe is that you actually left him," he said to Yumichika, who just kept looking at his toes. "I mean, wow."

"But seriously though, what the fuck business does he have stalking you now after all this time you'd have to _beg_ him to spend time with you? What a complete tool."

"Yeah, he's just looking to suck-up. Fucking pathetic."

"_Guys,_" Ikkaku snapped, glaring at them incredulously, an arm around Yumichika's shoulders. "What the fuck?!" Yumichika just stared at the sidewalk for a little bit, biting his lip. Renji realized right away that they were making it worse.

"Shit, sorry! Yumichika, I'm sorry!" he yelped, touching his shoulder lightly. "I just don't like the way he treated you, okay?"

"I know. You guys reminded me of that endlessly," Yumichika mumbled. Ichigo visibly winced. "You were right, okay? You were all right and I was wrong. Thanks for rubbing it in," he hissed.

Renji cringed, apologizing again. "Look, Senpai, this is all just... _scaring _me, okay? I'm getting really freaked out, and I'd feel really horrible if something happened to you because of my mistake. I don't want him to come after you," he admitted.

Ichigo nodded. "If Kaa followed you here this time, now that he knows you're taking up with Ikkaku, he has even more reason to follow you again. We don't know _what_ he might do now that he has your home-address."

Renji bit his lip. "Please, Yumichika, can you sleep over with us for at least a couple nights? Even just to make me feel better? Shit, I didn't mean to put you in danger, but now you are, and... Please, stay over."

"Yes," Ichigo agreed, "Our home is open to you." Ikkaku watched all this silently, looking between then, not removing his hand from where it was placed on Yumichika's back.

Yumichika began shaking his head then. "Oh no, I don't want to impose on you two. You're both so busy." He was quite adamant about not staying at their house no matter how much they insisted.

Eventually Ichigo gave up, although Renji kept trying, pretty much begging Yumichika to just sleep over for _one_ night. "Where else can you stay, then?" Ichigo asked, his eyes immediately shooting to Ikkaku in an attempt to get him to speak up. Ikkaku just blinked back at him, not one for hints. "With Rangiku? Any family members?"

"No," Yumichika mused, humming as he thought about it, "Rangiku is staying in a dorm at the moment... and the only family that would let me stay is my sister, and she's in England with her husband. That's why I have her car. She couldn't take it with her." Ikkaku put it together that the car Yumichika had driven to their dates in wasn't actually _his_, remembering that Kaa had crashed Yumichika's actual car. He mentally shook his head.

"Hmmm," Yumichika hummed, finally shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know who else I could just call and ask to crash with. Maybe I can just go to a shelter? It won't be bad for one night."

"Yumichika, those places have _roaches,_" Renji insisted, frowning. "Stay with _us!"_

"I can't do that," Yumichika stated, not budging. Ichigo dropped his head into his hand, telling Renji to just let it go when he kept trying to get Yumichika to agree.

Ikkaku bit his lip, thinking about his own apartment. Without much forethought, he came out with, "You can stay with me." Ichigo immediately grinned from where he was covering his eyes with his fingers. So he'd _finally_ said something, huh?

"I have room. You can sleep over at my house. It'll be fun," Ikkaku said eagerly. "Plus, he'll stay away from you, since I'll break his face if he tries to get to you!" Renji just stared incredulously, sharing a glance with Ichigo, who grinned privately at him, giving the 'sh' gesture.

Yumichika was thrown for a loop, just staring at him open-mouthed for a minute. "Oh no, I couldn't," he said, taken aback. "We've only just met. This is... No, I could never."

"I insist," Ikkaku said, "I told you I'd be there for you, and now I will be. I want to keep you safe. Stay with me, Yumichika. It'll only be for a little while."

Yumichika just gaped helplessly, looking to Renji and Ichigo for rescue, but they were whistling and looking off in different directions, ignoring his silent plea.

Humphing at the betrayal, Yumichika turned back to Ikkaku then, brow creasing. "Are you sure it's entirely appropriate?"

Ikkaku paused then, his eagerness stalling as he realized that Yumichika wasn't just trying not to be a bother. Yumichika felt _uncomfortable_ with this.

"Well... If you aren't comfortable with it, it's not like I'd... I'm not gonna' _peep_ on you or something," Ikkaku said awkwardly, and somehow, the fact that Ikkaku hadn't seen anything inappropriate about them rooming together until it had been pointed out made it better. It was like he was too naive, in a sense, to even understand why it wasn't okay, and somehow, to Yumichika, that made a difference.

"I just want you to be safe, Yumichika. You don't even have to spend your time at my place during the day. You'd just have to sleep there. That's all," Ikkaku assured. "I know it's too soon, but I just... I don't want anything to happen to you." Renji was bursting at the seams to tease, but Ichigo was pinching him in the side to keep him quiet. Ikkaku sent them a glare when he heard a noise somewhere between pain and a laugh.

"Okay... Well... Okay," Yumichika sighed, conceding, but quickly saying that it would only be for a little while and that Ikkaku had better not try anything funny. Ikkaku gave a small grin, and Yumichika scowled at him and his little victory.

"This is _not_ your opportunity to make a move," Yumichika asserted, pointing in Ikkaku's face sharply, making sure he understood that this was strictly a forced arrangement.

"No, no, of course not." Yumichika looked at him for a little while longer, eventually exhaling in satisfaction that he really was being genuine. "If it makes you feel better, I've lived with Renji and Ichigo before too. I know _you_ have, so... It's _kind_ _of_ the same?"

Yumichika looked to them for reassurance. Ichigo shrugged. "He didn't do anything weird, if that's the problem. He doesn't do drugs or smoke, no felonies on record. Pretty much normal," Ichigo said mechanically, through gritted teeth. Yumichika nodded, feeling a little better.

"Yeah, he doesn't even have any porn mags," Renji commented, rolling his eyes. Ichigo shot him a glare, and Ikkaku puffed himself up, growing red in the face, taking a breath to lunge at Renji. Ichigo stopped him with a foot to his chest. Renji kept pushing his luck however, finding Ikkaku's embarrassment funny, "Or women's panties. He doesn't even keep lotion and tissues around. You've got nothing to worry about, Yumichika."

"Shut your mouth!" Ikkaku raged, swinging wildly for Renji, who was just out of reach as Ichigo held him back.

"Take it down a knotch, Renji's just screwing around. _Aren't. You," _Ichigo punctuated, turning his head to Renji, waiting for a response.

"Yeah, Senpai, I was just screwin' around," Renji replied, giving a shit-eating grin, further teasing him. Ikkaku looked like a tomato. "Screwin' around, like you're _not_ doin'. Cause' you never-" Ichigo stopped holding Ikkaku back, and Renji was immediately tackled onto the sidewalk.

Ikkaku pulled a fist back to punch Renji in the mouth, spitting mad, but Yumichika cried, "Ikkaku, stop!", staying his hand. Ikkaku froze, looking around for him, and that was all it took for Renji to roll Ikkaku off, backing away to use Ichigo as a body-shield, still grinning.

"Cool it, Ikkaku," he joked. Ichigo just stood there blandly, mildly noting that he'd never seen Ikkaku pull a punch before.

"I'll cool _you!"_ Ikkaku shouted, "Right off the end a' my foot!" Yumichika laughed behind a hand as Ikkaku's rage began to recede. "What're you laughin' at, huh?" Ikkaku asked, no more anger in his tone as he turned to his boyfriend, pushing him just slightly.

"As entertaining as this is..." Ichigo began, giving Renji a look. Renji's eyes lit up with recognition, and that shitty grin came right back, causing Ichigo and Ikkaku to narrow their eyes simultaneously.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Renji smirked, slinging his arm around Ichigo, who glared at him suspiciously. "We've gotta' book it to the store, or I'm not gonna' get any hea-"

Ichigo's eyes snapped open, and he slugged Renji in the gut, causing him to double over in pain. "Don't say stuff like that in public!" Ichigo grouched. "And I never said you were getting any! _God_, what's wrong with you?!" Ichigo was bright red in the face as Renji just wheezed and laughed at his embarrassment. Ikkaku looked as awkward as he felt. Yumichika just cackled, head thrown back.

"We're leaving," Ichigo snapped, dragging Renji to their pick-up truck. "Call us if you need anything, Yumichika." He turned back to look at him then, pointing at him. "I mean it. Call." With that, he shoved Renji the rest of the way inside the car and hopped in as well, slamming the door behind him.

Yumichika and Ikkaku looked after them as they drove away, blinking, before looking at each other and seeming to silently come to a consensus that they were friends with some weird people.

"Alright, let's just stop at your place to pick up some of your clothes. You probably shouldn't go over there alone, so I'll come with you."

"Okay," Yumichika said, as if it hadn't occurred to him yet. "How many days should I stay?"

"Until you get an order of protection on him. Or until you feel safe to go back there by yourself, alright? Whenever he gets it through his skull that you don't want him anymore," Ikkaku said with a flippant shrug. Yumichika gave a hesitant uncomfortable nod, and Ikkaku frowned.

"Hey, look," he began, scratching at the back of his neck, trying to hide how painfully eager he was that Yumichika was gonna' sleep over. "I know it's really soon for you to come live with me, an' we've only known each other a little while... but... I hope that you can feel at home, okay?" Yumichika nodded with a small smile at Ikkaku's shyness.

"Really," Ikkaku said earnestly, "I don't wantcha' ta' feel scared or anything. I promise I won't do anything... like _that_, okay? You don't have to worry."

"I won't," Yumichika promised, "not too much, anyway."

Satisfied, Ikkaku nodded and said, "Okay. Now let's get out of here before that creep comes lookin'."

"Good idea." Yumichika followed Ikkaku down the sidewalk towards his apartment building, thinking back over and over to how it was that Kaa could have found him. All that came to mind was that maybe Kaa had seen the note on his door and had known he was on a date, but how would he have known _where?_

And besides that, if he'd gone by his apartment, then... No, never mind. Yumichika shook his head. There was no sense thinking about that now. Kaa couldn't have gotten inside anyways.


	9. Chapter 9

"Guh," Renji moaned, pulling his eye sockets down with one hand as he struggled to stay straight on the freeway. He couldn't focus, because shit, people kept honking, and Ichigo kept trying to talk to him. Maybe if he'd have taken a five-hour energy, he wouldn't feel so damn exhausted. He was starting to think that he _might've_ pushed himself too far last night.

After a few more minutes of being buzzed to sleep by the comforting vibrations of the car, he decided, fuck it, and put on his turn signal, slowing down. "I'm pulling over, my eyes won't stay open anymore. How 'bout you drive for a while."

Coming to a rumbling stop, cars zipping past them, he put the truck in park. "Is that okay?" Renji looked over at Ichigo, who had been oddly silent, only to find that he was clinging to the arms of his chair, his hair standing on end. "What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, oh, nothing," Ichigo replied, his voice almost a yelp as he jerkily unbuckled himself and got out of the truck to change places with Renji. "I'm just thanking god that we didn't die all those times that you just konked out at the wheel!"

"Was it that bad?" Renji wondered with a yawn, blinking blearily.

"_Yes. _I kept telling you to pull off at a rest-stop to change places with me, but you just kept driving like you didn't even hear me!" Ichigo griped, rolling his eyes as he shut the door behind him. Renji slumped onto the seat, digging his head into it and getting comfortable.

"Oh," Renji mumbled, eyes closing for a minute. "I thought you were just tryin' to talk to me."

"I _was!_ And I was trying to tell you something very important!"

"Mm," Renji grunted. "Sorry for not listening." Ichigo sighed in response, swatting him upside the head and then adjusting the seat to move closer to the steering wheel, fixing the mirror angles. Renji sat up woozily when he realized he was done being yelled at, and Ichigo cringed at the sight of the dark circles under his eyes and the way his tattoos stood out because of his unnaturally pasty complexion.

Renji sniffed and then made another noise, pulling down the little mirror flap above his seat to take a look at his face. "Aw frick, I look like a box a' hammers, and that's an insult ta' hammers everywhere."

"Okay, mister dark lord. Sleep until we get there," Ichigo demanded, pushing Renji into the seat, receiving little protest as he slapped the mirror shut. "This whole thing with Yumichika's scumbag boyfriend has exhausted you."

"Not to mention Ikkaku draggin' Yumichika into even more shit. Dude, there's no way he'll tell him. Yumichika doesn't _need_ another liar, Ichigo."

"Don't worry about that now. Ikkaku'll tell him when it comes up," Ichigo replied calmly. "Now close your eyes."

"Mm," Renji mumbled sleepily, eyes drifting closed immediately as Ichigo turned the ignition and started the car again. "I don't think I can take any more from those two. They both are such trainwrecks, it's no wonder they collided."

"I know, it's kinda' funny in a sick way," Ichigo mentioned, putting the turn signal on and twisting back to look for an opening. It looked like it would take a while, considering this was a busy expressway. "But don't worry about that now," he repeated

"Yeah," Renji replied with a yawn, squirming sideways in his seat and dragging his legs up, wrapping his arms around them to get more comfortable. "Worrying about people is too much... hard work," he trailed off, voice becoming slurred.

"Tell me about it," Ichigo grumbled, accelerating hard to get onto the road, causing the car to lurch. Renji, who hadn't buckled himself up, hit the glove-box. Ichigo stared at him in surprise, pulling into their lane and maintaining his speed. "Holy shit, are you okay?"

Renji didn't even open his eyes, just getting back in his seat, buckling up, and laying his head down. He was out like a light. Ichigo shook his head with an exasperated laugh. "I need a vacation."

* * *

"Hey, you know we're going on a vacation as a group," Ikkaku mentioned as they walked. Yumichika looked up in response, eyebrows creasing slightly at the mention of an outing that he hadn't been invited to. Why had Ikkaku mentioned that? Was he really so tasteless as to bring that up with the knowledge that Yumichika wasn't going, or did he _not_ know?

Yumichika grit his teeth a little bit, trying to keep his voice level and _not_ hostile. "Oh really? I haven't had the money to go on a vacation since I got fired, even just going by myself... alone," he mentioned, and Ikkaku's face warped into an expression of guilt for a moment. _'That's right, bastard. Feel bad.'_

"Oh yeah?" Ikkaku said uncomfortably, his mood picking up again almost immediately. Yumichika suspiciously watched on as his partner grinned. "You could probably try to get your old job back now that you're with me."

Ikkaku beamed, and Yumichika couldn't help but smile begrudgingly too. Fuck, Ikkaku loved saying that, and Yumichika loved hearing it. Yumichika was with _him_ now. Ikkaku still couldn't get over that.

"Hm," Yumichika replied, because hadn't thought of that until that point. He could... yeah, he could maybe try to pursue his old dream, if it was even real anymore. "I hadn't thought of that," he said, excited about the prospect of once again having a career that was substantial.

"The vacation's gonna' be great," Ikkaku went on to spout, which made Yumichika frown sourly once again. "We're gonna' pool our money and all go together."

"Oh," Yumichika said, glaring a little bit. "Well, I hope you all have fun together."

Ikkaku gave him a strange look then, like he didn't know why he was being like this. Yumichika ground his teeth together, not saying anything, even though he wanted to call him out for being a complete _asshole. _Suddenly, Ikkaku snapped his fingers, and said something that made Yumichika want to tear out his own hair.

"You're coming, right? You should come!"

Yumichika grit out, "_I wasn't invited."_ Ikkaku stared at him for a minute, confused, like he didn't get why he hadn't been invited or why he was upset.

"I'm inviting you right _now!_" Ikkaku said finally, and Yumichika blinked. Ikkaku steamrolled him and kept on talking, not commenting on his blank expression. "So yeah, we'll just be going on a little vacation for a weekend. Renji and Ichigo have been excited about it for months now, cause' they hardly _ever_ get time off at the same time anymore."

"Wait, wait, wait," Yumichika said, waving his hands, and then giving Ikkaku an insecure look that just about broke his heart. "You're inviting _me?"_ Ikkaku frowned, drawing back slightly. What the hell did he mean by _that?_

"Are you sure that's okay?" he asked with a small uncertain voice, wincing, and Ikkaku made a crushed 'aw' expression.

"Yes!" Ikkaku half-shouted, offended on Yumichika's behalf. Everyone should have invited Yumichika in the first place, and if they didn't like it, they could taste Ikkaku's foot! Everybody would let Yumichika come and they would _like_ it, or Ikkaku would kick someone's teeth out!

"But I didn't get an invitation," Yumichika said uncomfortably, scratching his own head and looking away. "I feel like no one wants to hang out with me now because of..."

"Yumichika-" Ikkaku tried to comfort him, but Yumichika cut him off with a shake of the head, signaling that he didn't want to hear it. "Look- No- I just want you to come, okay? I want you there, and everyone else will too. We love you, okay?"

"Are you _sure_ it's okay for me to come along?" Yumichika finally said. "I mean, if I'm getting in the way of previously made plans, and it's too late, then forget it, but otherwise... I... I'd really like to spend time with everyone again. I'll pay and everything."

"Yumichika, it's definitely okay."

* * *

"This is so _not_ okay," Ichigo growled, pacing wildly. In a fit of frustration, he kicked the side of the car, his foot leaving a dent in the door. Renji raised his eyebrows in alarm and stood up from where he was crouched in the flat-bed of the truck.

"Woah!" he shouted, trying to stop Ichigo from going on a complete rampage. "Woah, calm down, baby. Just leave this to me. I'm _totally_ gonna' fix it," Renji promised, grabbing his tools from the box he kept in the back of the pick-up.

Ichigo, looked decidedly sour and skeptical in the face of that promise. He crossed his arms and glared challengingly at Renji with his mouth in a flat line, completely not up for any of this. Renji's stomach sank at the thought of what an inconvenience like this was going to do to their day, Ichigo's mood in particular. Their morning had been going so well too...

"No," Ichigo said flatly. "Call a tow-truck."

Renji's eyebrows scrunched as he protested, still up for trying to fix things before their day had to come to a complete halt. "But, babe, I can-"

"_Call a tow truck!"_ Ichigo shouted, picking up a rock off the ground and throwing it at Renji's head. It was poorly aimed, and Renji dodged, but even so, he was pretty cowed by the fact that Ichigo had actually tried to nail him in the head with a rock. Then again, their sole car breaking down when they were on the last of their groceries and the last of their money was not the type of stress that a night-student with a forty hour work week needed.

"Woah, geez," Renji said defensively, frowning. "I dunno' what the hell you were calling _me_ the dark lord for! You're awfully pissy today!"

Ichigo snapped at him then, glaring, and letting the tension get to him. "This is the last thing we needed right now! We have no car, we have no groceries, and now we have no day off!" Renji frowned harder, deeply dissatisfied by Ichigo's unhappiness.

"I can try to fix this, Ichigo, just let me take a look."

Ichigo let out a long frustrated groan, rolling his eyes, which made Renji feel like complete shit. "Guuhh! No! You _can't_ fix the car! It'll take twice as much time, you probably won't be able to do it, and you might fuck it up worse! Then we'll have to pay money to someone anyways, and even to do that, we'll still have to get it towed, so just _call someone to come get it, okay?!_" Ichigo was getting red in the face, and his eye was doing that twitching thing. Aw shit.

Renji hated when things like this happened, because Ichigo was seriously _so_ close to completely blowing his stack lately, especially when it came to something to do with cars. Ichigo's own car had been undrivable for almost a year now, and now that their pick-up wasn't working, they were fucked. Money was pretty much the biggest cause of Ichigo's stress these days, and another car in the shop was probably the worst thing that could happen to them. What with how testy Ichigo had been of late, Renji was quite nervous about how this may affect things.

He didn't want this to be the straw that broke his boyfriend's back.

"Okay, okay, I'm calling, alright?" he said with scrunched eyebrows, trying to keep the peace and apologize, anything to keep Ichigo from having a break-down. "Just... Stop bein' so mad," Renji mumbled, leaning on the side of the truck as he got out his phone.

Ichigo sighed, the anger seeping out of him and leaving nothing but abject misery as he sat down on the ground and leaned his back against one of the tires. "... Looks like we're back to taking the subway." Ichigo looked so dejected and pitiful that Renji was starting to think those bad thoughts again about how his presence fucked up Ichigo's life.

Renji had actually messed around with the car not that long ago, since he'd wanted to try out something he'd learned in class about trying to fix the air conditioner. Maybe when he'd been fucking around doing that, he'd messed up something, and if he had, that was now the cause of Ichigo's distress. Renji had indirectly ruined their day and made things a lot more difficult for them yet again. Damnit.

Okay sure, the air conditioner had to do with the electrical part of the car, and not the engine, but still, Renji felt responsible for it breaking down.

"Hey, it's okay," Renji soothed, "It's okay, don't look like that. It'll all be fine." He held out his hand to his boyfriend, ready to help him up. "C'mon, sit in the cab, babe, it looks like rain."

"I'm not yer' babe," Ichigo growled, not taking his hand. Renji held it out for a moment longer, but Ichigo still made no move to take it, and Renji let it fall pathetically to his side.

"Aw, c'mon..."

"I don't see any clouds," Ichigo said, so upset that he wasn't even scowling anymore; he just had that blank, flat expression on, and it was tearing Renji to pieces, because that was how Ichigo looked when he was in front of his mom's grave, or when his car had gotten a boot on it and dragged away, or when he'd come home after one of those horrible fights. It was when he was forcing himself not to feel anything. _Renji_ had done that to him by screwing around with the car.

"I meant that I'm gonna' cry if ya' keep looking like that, baby. C'mere," Renji offered, bending down and taking Ichigo's hands, pulling him up. Ichigo wouldn't even look at him, pushing his hands off and getting in the cab, shutting the door.

Renji let out a long breath, putting a hand to the forehead and leaning against the flat-bed. Ichigo had been getting worse and worse lately, and it was to the point where Renji could see that Ichigo just wasn't happy with him anymore.

Hopefully going on vacation with everyone would bring them together again and help him relax. If this didn't come through for them, then Renji was just out of ideas.

With a slow breath, he dialed up a tow-truck and then waited by the car, next to the freeway, leaving Ichigo to have his alone time.

* * *

"Come on, Yumichika, you _have to come__!_" Ikkaku insisted when Yumichika expressed his doubts once again. "Everyone who's coming on the trip is your friend, right? Of course they'll want you!"

Yumichika scuffed his foot on the ground slightly, seeming uncomfortable. "I suppose..." They walked together back through Ikkaku's parking garage towards Yumichika's car, intending to drop by at Yumichika's house together. Ikkaku was eager to see where Yumichika lived to maybe gauge a little bit more about him.

"I've never actually been to Ceder Point or that water park."

"It's gonna' be _awesome_, baby," Ikkaku said with an enthusiastic grin, waiting for Yumichika to unlock his door. Then a thoughtful expression came over his face. "Can I call you baby?" he asked, tugging on the door handle. "Or do you like 'Yumichika' better? Can I call you sweet names?"

"Would _you_ like to be called 'cinnamon bun' by _me?"_ Yumichika retorted, raising an eyebrow. Ikkaku looked slightly uncomfortable then, humming as if he saw Yumichika's point.

Yumichika gave a satisfied nod. Men were all the same. Kaa would only ever answer to 'Nicholas' and no other affectionate title whatsoever, but would never use Yumichika's real name in return. It seemed Ikkaku was the same. Ikkaku's reply threw Yumichika off the rails. "Well... I'm not that tan, Yumichika. That name makes no sense."

"That analogy was lost on you," Yumichika said with a sigh. Ikkaku began laughing, hopping in the passenger side of the car once Yumichika got in the driver's seat. "Well, I suppose we can figure things out as time goes on. Call me whatever you like. You'll know if I like it based on what color I turn."

"A Yumichika-mood-ring," Ikkaku mused. "Sounds like it could be fun."

"Pfft."

* * *

"Remember when we used to go to school together like this back in junior college? The subway was nice," Renji piped up, elbowing Ichigo a little. "Could be fun to do this again." Renji nudged Ichigo again, who was crossing his arms and sulking as they got dropped off at the subway station by a taxi.

"Yeah," Ichigo retorted sourly, with no little amount of sarcasm, "Carrying a fuckload of groceries on a nasty subway sounds like a lot of fun, I can't _fucking _wait."

"Aw, c'mon," Renji tried, "Look on the bright side!" Ichigo scowled deeply. Renji, trying a different approach, attempted to keep a mild happy tone to make Ichigo see that this didn't have to ruin his mood if he didn't let it. "Just shake it off. Don't get so mad."

Renji carried his tool box in his hand, power drill in the other, and a bag over his shoulder. He couldn't leave their things in the car while it was at the shop - they might get stolen, or the legal documents in the glove compartment might be needed for other matters, so it all had to come with them.

"I'm not mad," Ichigo replied. Renji's mouth shut with a _click._ If that line got brought out, you'd best not say a goddamn word, _especially_ not if Ichigo was obviously mad.

The subway was crowded as usual, but Renji actually found them a seat. He'd tried to offer it to Ichigo, but Ichigo had insisted nearly countless times that he preferred to stand, and Renji gave up. They rode most of the way into the city in silence, Renji with all their stuff piled on his lap, with Ichigo standing across the aisle, smooshed in-between a bunch of people as he looked out the window.

Ichigo eventually lost the scowl on his face, seeming almost peaceful as he watched the surroundings, and Renji breathed a sigh of relief, turning his attention to organizing his tool-box.

Everything seemed to be going alright until out of the blue, some pissed-Ichigo noise entered his ear. Luckily, it wasn't directed at him, but even so.

"Hey, watch it, watch it, what the heck are you doin'?"

Renji looked up to see Ichigo shouting in the face of a really big burly guy. Oh boy, getting into a brawl on the subway was not on Renji's to-do-_ever_ list. "What's your problem?" the guy said back, looking a little nervous about being called out on his chikan-ways. Renji narrowed his eyes in their direction, judging whether or not he'd have to come to Ichigo's aid.

"My problem is your _hand on my_ _ass! _Keep it to yourself before I rip it off and shove it down your throat! _Then_ how are you gonna' jack off, you frickin' pervert?!"

Renji doubled over slightly, trying not to laugh. Yeah, he didn't need to intervene. Ichigo did his job for him most of the time when it came to these things. He usually didn't even have to get protective of Ichigo unless they were in a situation where Ichigo couldn't fight back, like that time when Ichigo had been at work.

"Woah, back off, dude, like I'd touch some little fag like you anyway. You're probably the one touching _me." _

_Obviously_ the guy didn't usually get attention drawn to what he was doing, so he was trying to push the pressure off on someone else.

"What the hell does that even mean, you sicko' jerk?!" Ichigo hollered, red in the face. Yeah, getting called a faggot wasn't good for his blood-pressure. Renji stood up silently, looming in the background.

"Oh, _I'm_ a jerk?" The guy grabbed Ichigo by the collar, dragging him in close to his face. Ichigo just growled, pulling an arm back, ready to punch the guy's lights out. Renji knew that this was the moment to interfere, because the guy was obviously a punk-coward, and you never know which punk-cowards have good lawyers.

"Let him go!" Renji shouted, holding a wrench above his head. "You let him go, or I'm gonna' make you sorry!" He yanked the guy's hand off of Ichigo's shirt and pulled Ichigo behind him. "Now _get lost!" _he threatened.

The guy probably hadn't expected the 'little fag's' muscular protective boyfriend to just pop in out of nowhere, so he sneered, but backed down, turning away.

Renji, finally deeming it safe to take his eyes off the guy, glanced behind him towards Ichigo, who seemed shaken. "You okay?" he asked lowly, leaning towards his ear. Ichigo merely scowled and crossed his arms, staring distrustfully after the man. Renji glanced back to his seat, which had been taken immediately upon his vacating it.

"Oi, can anyone spare us a seat so we don't have to be near this dirtbag-chikan?" Renji asked the entire train-car, taking it upon himself to find some way to get Ichigo off his feet for the moment. Most people were still staring, in awe over the spectacle. Finally, some middle-aged women made some room for them, and Ichigo helped carry their stuff over there to the other end of the car.

"Thank you," Renji said to them, "Thank you very much."

"Thanks," Ichigo said dully, easing back on his scowl just slightly as he stood in the aisle. He looked up again, back towards that pervert, only to see that he was being jabbed in the chest by another equally threatening man, who was holding the hand of a small girl.

"Here, Ichigo, just forget about him. Relax for a while until we get there." Ichigo blinked and tore his gaze back to his boyfriend, who seemed concerned. "You feelin' okay?"

Ichigo nodded numbly.

Renji frowned and put his toolbox under his legs. There was only room for one of them on the bench, so Ichigo simply stood close to Renji, a hand on his shoulder to steady himself. This was all well and good, except Ichigo was on his feet for most of the week, and this was the weekend. Renji wished he would kick back a little.

"C'mon, Ichigo, sit right here. There's room." Renji tried to scootch in a little to make some room for Ichigo's skinny bum. Even if Ichigo could just put his legs in the aisle and sit on the corner of the bench, that'd be better than him standing the whole way there. Ichigo shook his head wordlessly.

"Or right here," Renji offered, bumping Ichigo with his knee, bouncing his leg to goad him into talking. "You can sit here. Perfect size."

"Absolutely not."

Renji pursed his lips at the sharp reply, and spent a little longer trying to coax his boyfriend into taking a load off. However, seeing as they were in public, Ichigo was even more disagreeable than normal. Finally, he resorted to grabbing Ichigo by the hips and pulling him forwards. _"Okay!_ Shit," Ichigo grouched, turning himself around as well as he could in the cramped space, sitting down on Renji's leg, crossing his arms and scowling to let Renji know he was _not _happy about this.

Ichigo was extra-frazzled today, which was probably the only reason Renji had gotten away with that. Renji was smiling smugly, enjoying having Ichigo in his lap a little too much, which seemed to tick Ichigo off even more.

"Feeling better?" Renji bounced his leg a couple of times, jolting Ichigo to try to get a response out of him. Ichigo took a deep breath, slumping back against him. Renji immediately snaked his arms under Ichigo's and linked them around his stomach. "Ahhh," Ichigo sighed, face relaxing a little. "Yeah. I do feel better, actually." Renji tried not to smile, sideglancing at the two women sitting next to them, who were whispering and smiling at them. Some girls across the aisle were also making high-pitched noises and squirming around.

Ichigo's face twitched, but he didn't resort to violence against Renji like usual. He just sat still for the time being, tuckered out. Renji scratched affectionately at Ichigo's stomach, holding him in place so that the shaking of the train wouldn't flop him off his leg now that he wasn't putting any effort into balancing himself. This was good. Maybe Ichigo would take a nap.

"I woulda' felt better if I coulda' punched his ugly mug a couple of times," Renji said airily, warily resting his chin on Ichigo's shoulder. Predictably, Ichigo shrugged, trying to shake him off, but after one attempt, he gave up and let Renji stay there. "He woulda' deserved a good punch to the face."

"You coulda' knocked him down, mister," cheeped a little boy from the seat behind him. His mother tried to hush him and pull him back down, but the kid clung to the seat edge and stuck his head over it to look at them. "You have big brave muscles." The mother pulled the kid down and apologized for him.

"It's alright, Miss," Renji said, grinning at the little kid with a wink. Ichigo just scowled. "You know how I _got_ these muscles?"

"From putting bad guys in jail?" the boy chirped curiously. Ichigo bit his lip slightly, trying not to laugh. _Renji?_ A _superhero?_ Hah!

Renji grinned widely. "Nope! Guess again."

"Lots of pushups!" the kid guessed.

"You got me there! I _did_ do a lot of pushups, but that's not the only thing you have to do," Renji confessed. "You have to eat right too." He jolted Ichigo once more, "My buddy here's becoming a doctor, so he's always cooking lots of fish and steak. That'll make you stronger."

"I like fish n' steak!" the boy peeped, smiling widely. Ichigo melted a little, forgiving Renji for that 'buddy' comment. Just as long as that mother didn't mess with them, then all would be well. Ichigo liked kids.

"You know what the real secret is, though?" Renji said in a fake-whisper, gesturing the kid to come closer. The mother watched on warily as her child crept forward, offering his ear eagerly for the secret.

"What?"

"Vegetables," Renji whispered into the kids ear. Ichigo couldn't keep in a snort, shaking his head with an eye-roll. The mother smiled and put her hand to her mouth. The boy's eyes went round, and his face pinched in a ghastly frown.

"Uhk! I don't _like_ vegetables."

"You tellin' me you don't like corn?" Renji said skeptically. "Or potato? What kind of cool kid doesn't like eating vegetables?" The boy stuck out his lip, not wanting to seem 'not cool' to his hero.

"I like those, I guess. And I like cucumber... and carrots," the kid said, shifting a little. "And milk. Will that help me grow?"

"Sure. Here, show me your muscle," Renji said with a grin, nodding that he was impressed when the kid rolled up his sleeve and stuck out his little arm. Renji strapped his arm around Ichigo's waist, holding him still so he could free and pump his other arm. Ichigo smirked when he watched the kid's eyes practically bulge out.

"Quit showin' off, Renji," Ichigo finally said, although he quite enjoyed watching Renji interact with children. Although he was the main recipient of Renji's sweetness and affection, there was something about the way he was with kids that warmed Ichigo from the bottom of his heart.

"Yes, it's time to leave these gentlemen alone. I'm very sorry," the child's mother apologized again.

"It's no problem," Renji said again, grinning at her, and Ichigo was sure he saw her turn bright pink. Renji bumped fists with the little guy and then turned back around in his seat, replacing his arm around Ichigo's middle, nuzzling his throat a little.

"You're a big softie," Ichigo said quietly. Renji laughed lowly a little, tightening his arms on Ichigo, making him sit with his back flush to his chest; He was secretly glad that it was one of those times where Ichigo was forced into showing what they were in public. He was very passionate in letting his territory be known, but he had accepted the fact that Ichigo was a private person when it came to these things. Even so, he pushed his luck a little.

"Now that ain't true," Renji whispered in his ear, rolling his hips slightly underneath Ichigo, pressing him down a little. Ichigo just crossed his arms, face turning red, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Is it my day ta' get groped on the subway or something?" he grumped. Renji just tugged on his ear, easing back, simply letting his hands rest on the tops of their legs. Truth be told, Renji didn't like embarrassing Ichigo. He really didn't, even just to tease him, so he never did so on purpose. He did feel a little bad about this situation, but he tried to enjoy it, knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to touch on Ichigo like this in public for the next year.

"Aw, don't be cranky, we've still got most of the day left."

Ichigo shrugged, leaning his head back on Renji's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. I just wish we would've had more time to laze around and rest. You've been studying so hard."

"I think you need rest more than me," Renji said quietly, running his fingers through Ichigo's hair, trying to tame the bristles down a little. Ichigo sighed, swallowing, staring straight forward so that if anyone was watching them, he wouldn't know. That made it a little easier.

"Just close your eyes for a little while." Ichigo nodded, squirming a little to get comfortable. Given that they both had long legs, their knees were pretty much jammed against the seat in front of them, but it was kind of snug, almost comfy.

"Tch', if we crash, we're gonna' have four broken femurs, here," Renji commented morbidly, shifting slightly.

"Be quiet, I was just startin' ta' relax." Ichigo grinned, not opening his eyes.

* * *

"You good for some heavy lifting?"

"Aw, and I was just starting to relax, too." Ikkaku slouched against the stairs, scowling a little.

"Oh hush. Don't be lazy." Yumichika didn't wait for him, continuing upstairs. "You've got to maintain those beautiful muscles somehow."

Ikkaku gave an annoyed long-suffering groan, or well he meant to, but what Yumichika had said suddenly clicked. "Wait, you think-" he sputtered, "Wait, my muscles are what?!"

Ikkaku scrambled after Yumichika up the steps to his apartment level, nearly bowling him over when he got to the top. Yumichika had bent down to move some flower boxes, and Ikkaku had almost tripped on him. Ikkaku watched Yumichika whine slightly and try to rearrange the vines on a small piece of wood, to make them grow in a more aesthetically pleasing way.

This must be Yumichika's door. Ikkaku grinned a little. It certainly was charming. The door was jade green, the paint slightly chipped near the lock, and there was a door knocker dead-center on the wood. The knob was gilded. Yumichika had some flower pots and boxes outside his door, and there was a welcome mat on the ground.

Yumichika bent down again, dissatisfied with his other flowers, and Ikkaku quickly averted his eyes, sweating. Those were some tight pants he had on. Finally, Yumichika, giving up, stood up and stuck his key into the lock of his door, turning it a few times in what looked like confusion.

"I'll just need some laundry and... some other things," Yumichika mumbled, struggling to yank his key back out. He then opened the door, stepping inside. "Please come in," he invited when Ikkaku didn't immediately follow him.

Ikkaku came inside Yumichika's home hesitantly, slipping off his shoes as he took a look around. It sort of looked like a magazine, things were set up so nicely. Ikkaku was very intimidated, to say the least. Taking some slow steps after his boyfriend, ogling the surroundings, he nearly ran into him when he stopped suddenly. Ikkaku turned in confusion, brow crinkling.

Yumichika was standing there stock-still, leaving them about an inch apart. Ikkaku took a half-step back, glancing around, but Yumichika didn't move, completely quiet. Were they listening to something?

Finally Ikkaku whispered - and he didn't know why he whispered, but Yumichika's sudden demeanor and silence made him feel like he should - "What's that look on your face?" Yumichika's eyes scanned the living room slowly, and Ikkaku was alarmed to see that he could see the white all the way around Yumichika's iris and pupil. Was he okay?

He let three silent seconds pass before he nudged Yumichika again, urging him to reply. "What, what is it?"

"Someone's been here," Yumichika whispered, looking pale. Ikkaku startled, looking around, drawing closer to his boyfriend. The silence suddenly became eerie, and Ikkaku's heart-rate sped up. Yumichika held a finger up to his lips, creeping across the carpet bare-foot. "Or _is."_

"You mean someone who isn't supposed to be, might be in here right now?" Ikkaku clarified. Fuck, his boyfriend had shit-luck, didn't he? Good thing Ikkaku was here now.

"Maybe. Don't talk." Yumichika stood perfectly still, listening. Ikkaku tried not to move or breathe loudly, waiting, bolstering his chest threateningly. If that creep showed their face, it was lights out!

"If there is, they'll already have heard us, so we need to look around." Ikkaku nodded, heart pounding as he followed Yumichika through his living room into his kitchen.

Yumichika handed Ikkaku a rolling-pin solemnly and slipped a knife out of the wooden block, holding it aloft as he crept out into the hallway. God, he sure was pretty like that. Ikkaku's pulse picked up a little more.

"This is our first partners in crime gig," Yumichika whispered, grinning. "Try to keep up, won't you?" It only took Ikkaku an incredulous moment before his face split in a ridiculous smile. Damn, had he really found the one on his first try?

"Well wayta' think positive, I guess. If they have a weapon, you stab. If not, I'll knock 'em out, and we call the cops. Or you can let _me_ deal with 'em." Yumichika rolled his eyes, elbowing Ikkaku in the gut.

"_You? _You're too gentle for that," Yumichika practically crooned, running a finger up his neck and under his chin. Ikkaku visibly shuddered, his eyes wide, staring at Yumichika as he smiled dazedly.

"Me, gentle?" he heard himself wonder aloud.

"Yes," Yumichika said. ""Just look how you're holding that rolling pin. You'll never bash in a skull with that grip." Ikkaku immediately fixed his hold on it. Was he being flirted with?... How could he be sure? He didn't think that had ever happened before. "There's no way he'll take you seriously. You couldn't even scare a baby."

"Au contraire," Ikkaku uttered simply, although he was thrilled that Yumichika wasn't frightened in the least to be alone with him. He certainly wasn't used to this. "At least I'm glad I haven't scared _you,_" he found himself confessing.

"Why would I be afraid of someone as sweet as you are?" Yumichika mused, utterly saccharine. Yes, Ikkaku was sure now that it was flirting, and with the realization, he could practically feel his blood pressure rising.

"God, you're killin' me," Ikkaku groaned, wiping his face. Sweet?_ Him? _"Quit flirting with me for a sec', I can't fucking breathe."

"Oh, then it's working," Yumichika said with a smile, delighted. Ikkaku let his head fall back slightly. He was too beautiful! That goddamn smile! "Just go with our stab-knockout plan, and then I'll get back to making you sweat."

"You're a fucking bully, Yumichika," Ikkaku grumbled. "You know I can't keep up with your banter. There's no way this creep will take us seriously now... all cause'a' your fucking lovey-talk."

"They doesn't have to take me seriously if there's a knife in their throat." Yumichika shrugged lightly, sticking his tongue out. Ikkaku grimaced and bopped him on the shoulder with the rolling pin.

"You need to take _yourself_ seriously. There really might be a creep in your house right now, and you're wasting time trying to melt me onto your kitchen floor. Not that you weren't doing a good job."

Yumichika sighed a little, checking his face in the knife; Ikkaku had to say, he found the sight incredibly attractive. "Oh, I know. I know. I'm just so tired of having problems. I seem to have the worst luck of late. Except for meeting you that is." Yumichika stroked his cheek with the tips of his nails, and Ikkaku was left blinking, realizing that Yumichika was no longer there. He must've zoned out for a second.

Walking out into the hallway, he watched Yumichika hold the knife threateningly above his head as he checked behind some wicker doors. Ikkaku peeked in behind him cautiously, seeing some old board games stacked up next to a boiler and some pipes. There was a switch-box on the wall and a couple of spiderwebs. They looked at each other for a second, and then Yumichika shut the door.

They snuck through the house, Yumichika telling him to follow his steps over the squeaky boards. All the crawl spaces and large cupboards and closets were checked, and no one was there. There were many scary moments when it seemed like when Yumichika threw a door open, there would surely be someone there, but it seemed that they were alone.

They both took a breath of relief upon the realization. Yumichika swallowed and put a hand over his heart, rolling his eyes. "My goodness," he griped, tapping his foot on the ground.

"Eh," Ikkaku said with a shrug. "That was kinda' fun actually. We should go on a manhunt on our next date too," he joked.

"You're awful."

Ikkaku hummed ambiguously in response, rolling the rolling-pin on Yumichika's arm to tickle him a little. "Are you just paranoid or something? Why do you think someone was here?"

Yumichika was quiet for a second, and Ikkaku replayed what he'd said, quickly amending, "I didn't mean that I think you're crazy. I believe you! I just don't get why you know."

"I left a note on the door when I went out."

"So? It could've blown away, right?"

"The door was unlocked."

"Maybe you forgot to lock it."

Yumichika gave him a look, and Ikkaku immediately got that he was one hundred percent sure that someone had been in his house. Even if that wasn't true, Yumichika believed it so, and Ikkaku wanted him to feel safe, so he took it seriously. "Maybe it was a salesman, Yumichika. It doesn't look like a B&amp;E to me, and I should kn-" Ikkaku corrected himself. "I should think that it was just an accident, or a neighbor, or your landlord, maybe."

"But someone came _in,"_ Yumichika mused, drumming his fingers on his lips, his other arm crossed under that elbow. "It doesn't seem like anything was taken, but my door was unlocked and I feel in my gut that something's not quite..." Suddenly, as if a lightbulb had gone on in Yumichika's head, his eyes popped open, and he gasped.

He turned to Ikkaku and grabbed his arms, knife clattering to the floor. Ikkaku found this funny for a moment until he saw that Yumichika's reaction was one of horror, not simple realization.

"My cat," Yumichika said so quietly that it scared Ikkaku. "My cat is gone," Yumichika repeated in shock. After a moment longer of letting that sit in the air, Yumichika's face scrunched up. He wailed in despair, putting his hands to his face. "Oh god! Where is she? Oh- _Oh god!_"

"Stay calm," Ikkaku said, although he certainly didn't sound calm himself. What the hell? How many bad things were going to happen in one day?! Ikkaku had bad luck from time to time, sure, but surely he wasn't causing _Yumichika _to have bad luck, right? The cat had to be here somewhere, right? "She's probably hiding, Yumichika, just stay calm. She'll turn up."

"We searched through the whole house!" Yumichika cried, "She's gone!" He clamped his hands on the sides of his own face, digging his nails in.

Ikkaku tried to remain the voice of reason, but to be honest, seeing Yumichika so frightened was freaking him out, since he didn't know how to assuade his fears. There was no one to fight, to beat up, to scare away. "You said the door was unlocked. Maybe she just got out by herself. Calm down, freaking out isn't going to help you think."

Yumichika tried to slow his breathing, but it was shaky and shallow at best. Ikkaku rubbed his arm soothingly, asking, "Did you leave any windows open?"

"No," Yumichika croaked, eyes filling with tears. Ikkaku's chest tightened up and began to hurt. Shit. _Shit._

Yumichika brought a hand to his mouth. This day had been one train wreck after another, and he just couldn't help but sniffle now that he'd lost his cat along with everything else that had happened. "She's gone!" he repeated again, sounding shell-shocked. "She always runs to the door when I come home and she didn't come out. She's _gone!_"

"Did she get out, do you think?"

"The door was shut! Cats don't open door-knobs! Someone came and took her!" Yumichika cried, "I'll never see her again!" Tears began brimming in his eyelashes to Ikkaku's dismay. Yumichika sniffled and gave a frustrated scared moan into his hands, pacing wildly.

"Who would randomly do that? Nothing _else _is gone, so who would just... D'you think Kaa came here?" Ikkaku asked, eyebrows scrunched together. Shit, he felt horrible.

Yumichika blinked at that, the tears finally spilling out and dripping down. "Oh, you must be right. It must've been him." Yumichika's face crumpled in a bitter scowl. "So he'll treat me like nothing when I give him all my devotion, but the moment I leave, he'll just do this to me?! What the hell?!"

"It's because I... I was there... He saw me with you," Ikkaku said, displeased. "If I hadn't... Shit."

"It's not your fault he's being _crazy!"_ Yumichika snapped, glaring at the floor, his face contorting, tears leaking from his eyes. "Why does he have to just... And I only tried to... And he just..." Yumichika stared at his hands, clenching them for a minute, shaking all over. Ikkaku went to touch him, and Yumichika snapped into action, causing him to flinch back in surprise.

Damnit!" he screeched, tearing at his hair. "What's he doing with my cat?!"

Bursting into tears, Yumichika screwed his eyes shut, dropping down onto the floor in a squat, face pressed into his knees. Alarmed, Ikkaku hovered a hand over his shoulder, mouth opening and shutting helplessly.

He nudged Yumichika. "C'mon, get up, sweets, don't give up hope." He took Yumichika under the armpits, hefting him to a standing position. However, Yumichika put no strength in his legs, and Ikkaku had to hold him up. Yumichika's head was in his hands, and he just shook and sniffled. "C'mon, it'll be okay. Come to the couch." Yumichika shook his head wildly, and Ikkaku had to physically carry him over there, setting them down.

Yumichika sat next to him, pressing his face into his legs, nails digging into the skin of his thighs. "I can't believe him!" Yumichika wailed in tearful frustration. "I finally try to move on and he just- I can't even- Why my cat? What does that even-"

"It'll be okay," Ikkaku tried to reassure, rubbing Yumichika's back. "Sh, it's okay." He awkwardly patted between his shoulder-blades, scratching his own neck. Fuck, he couldn't deal with crying. "Are you sure he'd do this? Is he really so petty that he'd take your cat and hurt it just to get back at you?"

Yumichika sat up, his face red and moist from crying, but he nodded solemnly, sniffing. His lip wobbled and he flopped his head onto Ikkaku's shoulder. "Sh-sh-sh," Ikkaku hushed, holding his head in place. "You know what we need to do then, right? We have to go report this. Right now." He shook Yumichika around slightly to try to motivate him. "She's probably only been gone for a couple hours. Kaa wouldn't have had time to come over here, since we just saw him. He must've done it right after you came over to my place."

"True," Yumichika said with a shaky sigh, beginning to calm down. He gave a long disgusting sniff, wiping his face miserably. "I can't believe this. After all that he's... Ugh," he grumbled. "Sorry for falling apart on you again. This is so embarrassing."

Ikkaku tipped his chin up. "What do you have to be embarrassed about? I think it's great that you love your pet this much. Maybe I'll get some of that one day," he joked, grinning a little uncertainly. Yumichika smiled sadly, laughing once. "Not that you'll have to cry over me. That's not what I meant by that. Shit," Ikkaku said, pursing his lips. "I don't really know how to flirt, but just in case you didn't realize, that was me trying to flirt. See how awkward and bad it was?"

Yumichika sighed, shaking his head. "You're overthinking it." Fidgeting, he bit his lip in woe. "I'm sorry you've been dragged into this. I'm just so embarrassed that he's acting this way and that you have to be a part of it..." He lifted and then dropped his hands back into his lap. "Oh, I just... Where could my poor Haruki be? I think he really must have taken her away!"

Ikkaku frowned. "Hm. When I saw him, he didn't have-" He then gasped, snapping his fingers. "Wait, if we hurry, we can go back and get that bastard! He's still in town!"

"I'm gonna' give him hell!" Yumichika immediately stood up and ran to the door, leaving Ikkaku to hurry after him.

* * *

"Fuck, we're missing the train!" Ichigo shouted, carrying groceries in his arms.

"Here, get on my back, we'll run!"

"You idiot, you can't carry me _and_ all of this!"

"Well fuck then, I'll go hold the door." Renji dropped his bags on the ground and _sprinted_ across the subway station, jumping over the turnstiles and slipping through crowds, jamming his foot in the door of the train.

"OW!" Ichigo could hear from across the cavernous room. "OW, OW, FRICK, IT KEEPS OPENING AND CLOSING, HURRY UP!"

Ichigo looked around helplessly, already laden down with plastic bags. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY EVERYTHING!?"

He was met with silence, and he sagged, groaning. "Guuuhhhh, I'm on a planet full of lunatics."

* * *

"_You lunatic! _What did you do to her?! Give her back!" Yumichika screeched, kicking and clawing at Kaa's smirking face, only held back by Ikkaku's arms, which were clamped around his chest.

Kaa stood there, arms crossed, practically taunting Yumichika with that slimy smile. Ikkaku scowled, but didn't let his crazy boyfriend get to the bastard. "Where is she?!" Yumichika shouted, swinging wildly, trying to pry Ikkaku's arms off him.

Ikkaku didn't say anything, his grip like steel, but still gentle; he just coldly glared at Kaa, trying to fight down the prickling burn he felt in his chest as the guy laughed. Oh fuck, his voice alone hurt, but his laugh was like an electric shock. It almost felt like he was being carved open again, agonizingly slowly, like he'd dug both hands into both sides of his wounds and was prying himself apart, the staples and stitches snapping right off and exposing his ribs to the air again. Ikkaku shuddered hard, not breaking his gaze.

"Where _is_ she?!" Yumichika howled when Kaa didn't answer in a prompt manner, taking Ikkaku back to the present.

"Hm…" Kaa scratched his head, feigning idiocy. "I dunno'," he cackled with a flippant shrug. Yumichika swelled up with a breath, as if he were about to scream, but suddenly he just collapsed in Ikkaku's arms, staring at Kaa hopelessly. It was like everything he'd ever wanted to say to Kaa, all the hurt and the frustration had just crashed onto him like a tidal wave and dragged him into silence. Ikkaku bit harshly at the inside of his cheek. This wasn't going like he'd hoped it would, and he hadn't hoped for much.

Kaa merely snickered at Yumichika's sudden despair, as if to say 'that's what you get.' Yumichika's face crumpled, and Ikkaku decided that was it. Diplomacy hadn't worked.

He'd been willing to give the guy a chance to walk away with his teeth, but he'd hurt Yumichika quite enough. Hurting someone so beautiful while they were already feeling low, that was just unforgiveable. Yumichika was getting taken to that state where he wasn't even emotionally _capable_ of fighting this battle on his own, so Ikkaku would have to take over for now. He wasn't gonna' _stand _here and let that guy take Yumichika this fucking close to the ground!

Ikkaku set his limp boyfriend down on the curb in a heap, staring Kaa down, cracking his knuckles. He felt oddly calm, which had never happened in one of these moments. Kaa showed no fear, perhaps thinking the knuckle popping was a scare tactic; how wrong he was. He kept running his mouth, paying Ikkaku and the glint in his eyes no attention. "So you lost your kitty, huh?" Kaa mused, raising an eyebrow. Yumichika's mouth drew down in doubt, eyebrows scrunching up.

"They say you lose the things you don't love enough."

Ikkaku punched him dead in the nose, feeling a crunch and a warm gush against his hand. Fuck staying calm. Calm was a thousand miles underwater at this point. "Take some a' your own advice!" he shouted, holding his fists up to prepare for a counterattack, but Kaa just fell back slightly, clutching at his face, like he couldn't believe Ikkaku had actually _hit_ him. Yumichika looked even more shocked.

Ikkaku looked down at his hands. There was blood on his knuckles, but it wasn't his. Kaa wasn't fighting back; Ikkaku should've assumed that skinny-ass wouldn't fight him, but he'd _desperately _needed someone to wash his mouth out with blood. Shit, Ikkaku was just a law-suit waiting to happen, wasn't he. He'd forgotten Kaa was rich. Shit. _Shit._

Ikkaku put his fists down, sliding one foot back on the off-chance that Kaa might decide to stand up to him. It was kind of too late to say 'maybe violence _isn't _the answer,' but Ikkaku had never been so great at forethought.

Kaa gave a sort of 'oh-no-you-didn't' smile, raising an eyebrow and touching his nose and looking at the blood on his hands. Yumichika just stared, mouth open, a hand in front of it. Ikkaku winced. The last thing he'd wanted was for Yumichika to see him do something like that. What if he didn't want to be with him anymore? Ikkaku wouldn't blame him for reconsidering. He hadn't held back at all with that. Kaa's cartilage had definitely torn off the bone.

"Look at that, Yum-ba, he hit me. Is that his appeal? _That's_ what he can do for you that I can't? Be a violent psycho?"

In an instant, all that 'stay-calm' shit was gone. Ikkaku's temper couldn't hold against this guy and his grating voice; try as he may, he couldn't fight it down. True, he hadn't put in all this effort trying to make himself a new man only to ruin it with one punch, but even so, he wouldn't sit here and let somebody truncate Yumichika's name like that. Kaa thought this was funny. He thought it was funny to fuck with Yumichika like this and Ikkaku couldn't stand it. He just wanted Kaa to _shut up!_

He snarled, grabbing Kaa by the collar and cracking him in the jaw, watching his head snap back. God, Ikkaku hadn't hit someone in so long, and was somewhat rusty, but Kaa still almost fell on his ass from the force. Ikkaku's knuckles burned pleasantly, and his chest felt warm as his heart pounded hard within it. Blood, blood rushing inside him, carrying that adrenaline through him like lightning. Blood on his fingers. Yes, that's it.

"Holy shit, you punch hard, man!" Ikkaku hit him again, trying in vain to shut him up, and the resounding crack told him that his nose was definitely broken now.

"There!" Ikkaku shouted, brandishing an aching bloody fist. Yumichika's eyes were round with what looked like horror. "Now your face matches your hair, you sicko!"

People on the other side of the street were staring in shock, because Kaa began laughing like he'd been told an insanely funny joke. The bruising on his face from where Yumichika had slapped him melded in with his now broken nose and bashed cheek.

"Hah! Maybe you like his sense of humor too. Needs work though." Kaa let the blood run into his mouth as he looked at them, grinning as he snapped his nose back into place. That was going to need stitches. Ikkaku cringed at the sound, his chest aching hollowly. He'd let his rage get the better of him, and he'd beat the guy up. There wasn't even a plus-side to this, because getting violent hadn't even seemed to have an effect; all he'd done was upset Yumichika, who wasn't even breathing or blinking anymore, eyes as big as plates.

"What's this, Yum-Yum, ya' like skinheads now? What's up with this? How am I supposed to be jealous of this guy? The only thing he'd do better would be hit you harder than I wou- _huh_-" Ikkaku socked Kaa in the eye, against his better judgement. He just... _fuck, _couldn't _stand_ this guy!

Kaa doubled over in pain, but still made no move to hit Ikkaku back or even acknowledge him. "Jealous of this animal? Yeah right. He'd never be something you'd want. You don't want him, Yumichika."

"Careful," Ikkaku growled, clenching his fists, "Ya' sound kinda' worried there, Nick." Kaa's eyes went wide suddenly, and he finally turned to Ikkaku. Actually, it was more like he whipped around towards him. He grabbed Ikkaku's t-shirt, staring him dead in the eyes. Ikkaku, surprised that this was what had gotten a rise out of the guy, pushed it a bit further. "Like I'd ever hit Yumichika, you fucking sicko."

Kaa finally responded, hissing through gritted teeth, "My name is _Kaa._" His fists were coiled up, and he looked vicious. This, Ikkaku could deal with, not the strange passive-aggressive guy who would completely ignore his assault, but a man ready to fight back. "Who... Who told you my..." Ikkaku narrowed his eyes as realization came over Kaa's face. "_Yumichika_," he said, poison in his voice. He looked down towards the man sitting on the curb in the dirt.

Yumichika turned his gaze away from them.

Ikkaku shoved Kaa's chest to get him out of his face. The guy's attitude changed in a split second as he brushed himself off. "Heh, you're right about me doing the fucking, though." Kaa's anger left as quick as it had come, and he was grinning again, eyes glinting threateningly. Ikkaku, mortified, couldn't even respond to that. How- How could he just-

"Don't you talk to him like that!" Ikkaku roared, absolutely enraged. How dare he say that?!

Kaa ignored him completely. "Ain't that right, Yummy-chika?" Yumichika glared at him darkly, throwing a rock, hitting him in the stomach. "Pfft," Kaa laughed, crossing his arms.

"I can't fuckin' believe you," Ikkaku grumbled. "He said he doesn't want to see you, so that's it. There's none of this stopping by his house or asking for him to come back. He said he's done, and since you don't seem to get the picture and aren't respecting his wishes, this is where I come in." He bared his teeth then, jamming his finger at him threateningly, "You stay the _fuck_ away from Yumichika or I'm gonna' beat you until they won't recognize your body... No... They won't even _know_ it's a body!"

"Hahaha, I get why you like him now, Yumichika. He's so funny! Look at his face! He really means that shit!" Ikkaku stared at him, unimpressed as Kaa kept laughing. "He'd _do_ that for _you! _What an _idiot!" _Yumichika averted his gaze from them both, seeming ashamed. Ikkaku took Yumichika's arm and slowly helped him stand up from the curb, pulling him behind him. He couldn't shield Yumichika from words, but fuck, he wanted to do _something; _even just putting Yumichika out of that guy's line of sight was better than nothing. Damn, he hated seeing those beautiful eyes so sad and defeated. He hated to see Yumichika _believe_ this guy's abuse.

"I told you, without me, you have nothing! I'm all you have! Who's gonna' want you, Yumichika? Who the fuck's gonna' want _you_ besides me?" Yumichika looked like he'd been burned.

"Shut the fuck up, you don't know _shit! _Tell him what you did to his cat and then leave him the fuck alone," Ikkaku threatened. "He's not with you anymore, he's with me, and you just have to deal with that!"

"I don't have to do anything I don't want to," Kaa said with a toothy grin. "He's with me if I say so. He's mine forever, no matter what he does, cause' I say so."

"He's not your fucking accessory! You don't get to just do that to people! He doesn't want you anymore, so grow up!"

"If he's yours, then say so. Say he's yours."

"No!" Ikkaku shrieked indignantly, "What the fuck?"

"That's what you're saying, so just say it," Kaa insisted, seeming serious now, staring him down. Ikkaku didn't understand what he was getting at. "You said it just a bit ago, what, now it's a problem? You don't want him?"

"I said he's with me, not 'he's mine'."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to claim this little shit. Look at all the trouble he's causing me. See, Yumichika, he's not even serious enough to say he wants you," Kaa said, suddenly turning his attention towards Yumichika. Ikkaku paused, frowning as he saw the look of hurt and surrender on Yumichika's face.

"What the hell does that even- You just-" Ikkaku said incredulously, "You're fuckin' impossible! It's _simple, _dude. He _broke. up. with. you._ He said to _leave him alone_, so _do it. _He doesn't want you!"

"If he didn't want me, why can't he look at me right now?"

"That makes no fucking sense, you shit-head!"

"What makes no sense is that you're putting in all this time for a guy who _obviously_ is gonna' come back to me. So what are you trying to get in on, huh?" Kaa pondered aloud flippantly. Yumichika's brow pinched in embarrassment, eyes on the ground. "Why would he even wanna' go to all that trouble, Yumichika? You _know_ why. Why would anyone wanna' spend time with you? He's only trying to have sex with you, of course! He doesn't want _you_, he wants _'you'," _Kaa said with air-quotes.

Ikkaku bristled, appalled by the blasé nature in which that had been said. He looked to Yumichika out of the corner of his eye; Yumichika knew that wasn't true, right?

"He thinks he has a _chance!_" Kaa cackled. "He thinks he could have you with an ugly mug like that! How the hell could you even fuck him with the lights on?! He's not what you want, Yumichika!"

"Don't tell me what I want," Yumichika said in a small voice, and Ikkaku couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand hearing him sound so helpless.

Although Ikkaku would love to just pound away at this piece of human shit, he was in full-on protective mode now, standing between Yumichika and Kaa, as if in some small way, he could shield him from the hurt those words were obviously causing him. To be honest, he was still shocked that someone could _say _this shit to someone they claimed to love. Ikkaku grit his teeth, holding Yumichika behind him with one arm, not letting Kaa get too close. It was bad enough the things he was saying; he wouldn't give him a chance to get up in Yumichika's face like the last time.

"I'll tell you whatever I wanna' tell you, I know you better than you do! How are you going to go from me to him? You think this is supposed to get me jealous? This is pathetic, even for you."

"Who the fuck's pathetic, you shitbag?! You're so bitter that he left you that you _break into his house and do fuck knows what to his cat!" _Ikkaku snapped, getting fucking furious.

"Oh-hoh, so you're just-"

"Nick," Yumichika began, quietly enough that it startled both the other men into silence. Taking the fingers pinching the bridge of his nose away and clearing his throat, he crossed his arms and kept his eyes focused on the sky and not on his ex-boyfriend. "You tell me what you did to Haruki, or I'm going to call the police," he said in a deceptively delicate manner that promised he'd pull his fingernails out with pliers one by one if he did anything but give a straight answer.

Ikkaku was genuinely impressed. Yumichika hadn't had much of a backbone around Kaa, which was understandable with things being the way they were, but that was pretty much the first time he'd seen him directly challenge him - other than trying to claw out his eyes earlier.

"Why do you both keep saying I did something? I didn't do _anything_ to her," Kaa said with a little laugh. "I'm sure Ruki's around here somewhere. She did always like the fish pond in that one park." Yumichika glared hotly at him, and Kaa got to the point. "I just opened the door and she shot out like a rocket. She lemme' pet her for a while and then when I tried to pick her up, she ran straight to the open window at the end of the hall and went down the fire-escape. S'not my fault. I didn't do anything. I was just looking for something."

"Oh, you bastard!" Ikkaku spat, truly disgusted that this guy had put them through so much _shit_ for nothing. "You were just trying to scare him, huh? That's it? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Yumichika growled, kicking a wall, fists clenched in his hair. "What kind of petty piece of shit does that?! You let him think that you cut his cat up or suffocated it in a shoe box, and all you did was let it run away?" Ikkaku gave him an incredulous look. "Wow, that's actually kind of a let down._"_

Kaa grinned, sticking out his tongue, making a lewd gesture.

"You are seriously the biggest dirtbag I've ever met, and that's saying something, cause' I'm from Roppongi." Kaa laughed, verbally wondering where the fuck that was. Yumichika just seemed surprised. "You have double-standards about gays even though you _are _one – you're a complete creep, and you stalk Yumichika after he leaves you even though you've probably been sleeping around like a soggy waffle. You pretend you love Yumichika _sooo _much, and yet you talk to him like he's dirt and expect that to make him fall at your feet. What's _wrong _with you, man? You can't have it both ways!"

Kaa seemed to be listening now. "It's a wonder he didn't kick your ass out years ago!" Ikkaku stared at Kaa without blinking. "Once your body gives out, you won't have a job or anyone to warm your bed, because all you are is a pretty face with some pretty words."

Kaa wasn't smiling now, and was staring at him, slack-jawed. Yumichika was blinking, starry-eyed, looking at Ikkaku like he was a superhero.

"Maybe that's all you think Yumichika is too. Yumichika isn't like you, though. Yumichika is smart, and he has _dreams,_ and he deserves so much better than _you. _It's too bad for you that he finally realized that." Kaa's mouth was hanging open as he listened on.

"You're nothing but a slime ball. There's something wrong with you; there has to be for you to not treat Yumichika how he should be. You have to be insane. You're fucking crazy, but I'm not, and I'm going to do everything I can to make leaving you the best decision of his life."

Kaa's mouth shut, then opened, closed again, and he blinked a few times. Yumichika stared, not speaking. He'd never seen Kaa at a loss for words. He looked pretty stupid with drying blood all over his face and his teeth, eyes wide and mouth agape like a fish.

"He doesn't want to see you anymore, so stay the fuck away from him or you'll have me to answer to," Ikkaku said darkly. "Next time, the plastic surgeon won't know where to put your nose back on. Find someone else to string along and leave Yumichika in peace."

Yumichika looked at Kaa, who was starting to look kind of sad, arm twitching like he wanted to grab his hand.

"We're leaving." Ikkaku turned around and held Yumichika's hand, taking him away from there. "See you never, asshole." Yumichika looked back, and there was a flash of devastation on Kaa's face for a moment, like he didn't understand why he was watching Yumichika walk away from him. It was soon gone, left with mild indifference.

Yumichika frowned. Did he really meant so little?

Ikkaku's fingers held onto his comfortingly. Yumichika snaked his through more securely, replaying those words about how... how he had dreams.

"Yumichika, I am so sorry," Ikkaku said angrily. "I'm so sorry he said those things to you. You know I'd never hit you right? Absolutely never. And I'm not after you for... _sex!" _he spat, like it was a swear word he dare not speak. "And fuck, I'm _so_ sorry about your cat."

Yumichika just held Ikkaku's hand tighter.

"I... I wish you hadn't seen that," Ikkaku mumbled regretfully. "I didn't mean to lose my temper... Just... The way he talks to you... I hope he _rots in hell!"_ Ikkaku shouted back over his shoulder towards the man, who was still standing there. "Oi!" he hollered, "Which way did the cat run, asshole?!"

Kaa pointed towards the park. Yumichika let go of Ikkaku's hand and went that way.

"Thanks. Now fuck off!"

"Small world," Kaa suddenly called, and for some reason, Ikkaku's scar suddenly felt like a thousand pins had been inserted into it. He took a hesitant step backwards and then ran after Yumichika as fast as he could.

* * *

"I can't believe you gave that much money to a stranger just to get them to hold the door," Ichigo said in disbelief as he trudged through the park with Renji, carrying way more than one person ever should at one time.

"Hey, c'mon, what would you have done?" Renji ducked under some tree branches and sat down on a bench to rest.

Ichigo slitted his eyes. "Okay, fair deal. Let's just get home. This meat can't last in the heat."

"In a minute, my legs are killing me."

* * *

"My legs are killing me, let me down," Yumichika said to Ikkaku, who knelt down to let him off his back.

"Okay, what's your cat look like? I don't actually know, so... I don't know how much help I can be with finding her."

"She's a maine coon, so she likes water... That's why she likes the koi pond... I used to live closer to this area, when I was living with Kaa. If she's not there... then, I'll have to give up," Yumichika said. "She's white with black patches, and she's really fluffy and big."

Yumichika seemed troubled then. "She doesn't like people, so she's probably hiding somewhere. Oh, she could be anywhere," he whined. "Why does my cat have to be such a diva? I taught her too well!"

"I'm sure we'll find her, Yumichika, think positive."

* * *

"Think positive, we'll be back soon."

"Yeah... I guess," Ichigo sighed, sitting down next to Renji. Renji poked him excitedly, grinning.

"Hey Ichigo, wanna' arm-wrestle? C'mon, arm-wrestle me."

"Alright, alright, I was gonna' say yes." Ichigo looked up just in time to see something divebomb out of the tree above them and land on Renji's head.

"ACK!"

"Holy fuck!" Ichigo screamed. "What the hell is on your head?"

"Get it off! Get it- Oh, geez." Renji pried the thing off his head, holding it in front of him, "What the- _Haruki?_ Hey, is this Yumichika's cat? I think it is," he laughed, petting the cat's back, completely forgetting his shock and upset. The cat puffed up and clawed at him, hissing, and he dropped it on the ground, watching it race away.

"Oh, shit!" he shouted, holding a hand after it, but not getting up to chase it. He shrugged then, sighing. "Remember how she always used to lick my hair when Yumichika lived with us?"

"Speaking of, is that Yumichika over there?_"_ Ichigo put a hand up to his eyes, staring into the distance.

"Oh hey, what do you know. He brought his cat to the park. What an idiot, who brings a cat to a park? Oh, he's hugging it. Looks like it only likes him and no one else."

"Who brings _Ikkaku_ to a park? What is he doing?"

"Why the fuck is Yumichika crying?!"


	10. Chapter 10

"They're just having one problem after another, aren't they," Ichigo mumbled as they came up the steps to their apartment. Renji was still upset over what they'd been told about Kaa messing with Yumichika's cat – they'd been right in their caution by not letting Yumichika sleep at his own apartment alone. Kaa had done exactly what they'd expected him to do: go to Yumichika's apartment to make trouble.

Never mind the fact that they had thought he was going to kill Yumichika, rather then let his cat run out of the house. Kind of disappointing actually. Well, not everything could be a horror movie. What had probably happened was that Kaa had gone over there, saw that Yumichika was out, and decided to do something annoying.

Renji was still ranting about it at the moment, getting on Ichigo's nerves a little. "I mean, how creepy is that? Just _think_ if Yumichika had been _home_ when Kaa came around – I can't freaking believe-"

"Yeah, they're having one problem after another, I said," Ichigo repeated in the same tone of voice. If he raised it in hopes to be heard above Renji's shouting, Renji would most likely get even louder. "Let's see, there was Ikkaku brawling at his work, his explosive break-up, Kaa stalking him in a bathroom, and almost losing his cat. Just one huge unlucky streak. Ikkaku's pretty determined."

"On the positive side, it'll probably bring them closer together."

"Or it might just scare Ikkaku away," Ichigo said flatly. "You know how he is with that luck and superstition stuff." Renji grimaced, mumbling that _Yumichika_ should be the one getting scared away, what with how Ikkaku had supposedly beat Kaa's face in. Ichigo replied that it wasn't cause for concern unless he started acting aggressive towards Yumichika too. Renji merely shrugged as Ichigo opened the door and toed his shoes off as well as he could without the use of his hands, which were still preoccupied with the grocery bags.

"Ikkaku'll find someone else, though, once he realizes that this is more trouble than it's worth."

"I doubt that. He hasn't shown interest until now. I bet it's a one time thing. Plus, he's so fucking stubborn," Renji said, sliding in and shutting the door with his shoulder. "He's already said something about Yumichika being a good luck charm. Yumichika really calms him down, have you noticed? He didn't even put Kaa in the emergency room." He ducked down to kiss Ichigo's cheek and tried to nose him up to his lips. "Mmm, he's as as smitten with Yumichika as I am with you, good-lookin'."

"Yeah, yeah, pipe down, pineapple-head." Ichigo grinned, kissing him back for a second before going to the counter to set down the groceries before his arms just fell off. "Just wait till' tonight, you won't even know which end of me looks better."

Renji's breath left him all at once, and he dropped his groceries on the ground, staring at Ichigo who was giving him that innocent look. Renji followed Ichigo around the counter into the kitchen, copping a feel and kissing Ichigo's neck. Ichigo snaked a hand up to the top of his head, the tight grip on his hair either meant to deter him or spur him on. Renji sucked on the joint of Ichigo's shoulder, then kissing his way around to the other side, over the back of his shirt collar. "Hey, you leech," Ichigo snapped, using his grip on his hair to yank his head off him, which really, Renji should've seen coming. "Go study. I've decided that whoever wins Marioparty tonight gets to pick top or bottom."

"You've decided, huh," Renji repeated skeptically.

"Yeah, that's what I said," Ichigo said, as if daring him to challenge that.

Renji made a thoughtful noise when inside he was fist-pumping, "Hm. Those are good stakes, I guess. Not really any way to lose."

"I thought so too," Ichigo said, opening the fridge, beginning to put away the new food. "Go get started now, or by the time you're done, you'll be too tired to fuck me."

"Mm," Renji replied, too focused on kissing Ichigo's palm and up his wrist.

"This is the part where you say, 'I'll never be too tired to fuck you, Ichigo.'"

"Was that supposed to sound like my voice?" Renji said incredulously, lifting his mouth from Ichigo's forearm for a moment. "Is that what I sound like to you?"

"Renji, get out of here."

"Alright, I'm goin'." Renji gave him one last kiss to the inside of his elbow, trying to avoid getting beat with a dishrag that Ichigo was now fending him off with. "I'm glad I get some time with you, cactus-head."

Ichigo replied mildly that Renji was an unromantic loser, which of course, was not true at all. Renji soon disappeared, humming on his way down the hall, and Ichigo gave a half-hearted smile, getting out some snack ingredients.

* * *

It took them a while to get all of Yumichika's things – Yumichika didn't want to let his cat out of his sight, and had pet and cuddled her for an obscene amount of time. Of course, Ikkaku didn't know what things Yumichika needed, or where they were, so eventually he had to gently prod him and tell him that he'd watch Haruki while he packed. Yumichika conceded, which pleased Ikkaku, because it obviously took a bit of trust to leave his cat alone after he'd so recently lost her.

This didn't stop Yumichika from pausing in packing every few minutes to peek into the living room to see if Haruki was still there. Ikkaku just glanced back at him with a grin every time, sitting on the couch with the cat that still wouldn't let him pet it - Yumichika eventually stopped, finally settling down and focusing on getting his things.

Yumichika ended up with a bag of clothes and a couple cardboard boxes of video tapes and some other things – which Ikkaku couldn't see, because of the box cover. Lastly, there was a small cube television that played only VCR tapes, and then there were his cat's things, of course.

"It's a good thing you didn't let me pick you up," Ikkaku noted. Yumichika's eyes narrowed and his lips pursed when he mentioned his motorcycle. Of course, it would've been impossible for them to bring anything but their bodies on the motor-bike.

"Yes, it's a good thing," Yumichika replied somewhat mechanically.

"You should let me take you for a ride sometime," Ikkaku said eagerly. Yumichika immediately stuck his nose in the air, not in a figurative way either; he actually turned his head to the side and tilted his chin up like a snotty child. "What?" Ikkaku prodded. Was there something wrong with taking his boyfriend for a ride on his motorcycle? He wouldn't even make Yumichika drive!

"Why are you so sour all of a sudden?" Ikkaku asked.

"Those bikes are _dangerous,_" Yumichika said firmly, crossing his arms, still not looking at him or tipping his head back down.

"Dangerous, but... I've got helmets," Ikkaku rebutted somewhat weakly, really just wishing Yumichika would _like_ that he had a motorcycle, because Ikkaku liked his motorcycle very very much.

Yumichika, honest-to-god, went 'hmph' and tapped his foot.

Ikkaku stared at him for a second, before an idea came to him. Yumichika seemed awfully skittish of motorcycles. That meant... "You're scared, aren't you?" he said knowingly, snapping his fingers. Yumichika bristled like a porcupine at the words. Looks like Ikkaku was right. "You are!"

Yumichika glared at him, hitting him in the shoulder hard enough to unbalance him. "Okay, okay, you chicken," Ikkaku teased as he picked up some of Yumichika's boxes. "I'll warm you up to the idea."

"You'll do no such thing."

Yumichika allowed Ikkaku to drive his car on the way back to his apartment because Haruki disliked car rides, and needed to be held by Yumichika, which obviously could not be done while he drove. "This just goes to prove my theory that you're scared of _motorcycles_ and not my driving skills."

"..."

"Huh?" Ikkaku prodded. "Admit it, Yumichika. You're scared." Yumichika still didn't reply. "Hey, you don't have to be scared. I wouldn't let you get hurt. I wouldn't drive too fast."

"I don't believe you. Is that what you want to hear?" Yumichika finally retorted icily. Ikkaku scowled.

"C'mon, don't you like _bicycling? _How are you going to tell me that you don't ride a bicycle?" Ikkaku grumbled.

"I can ride a bike for your information, but those metal death-traps with motors are completely different, and I'm not getting on one." Ikkaku looked over to Yumichika then as he spoke.

"If you don't want to, just say so, Yumichika," he challenged, in an entirely joking manner.

"I don't want to," Yumichika immediately responded.

"C'mon!"

"That's what you just said to do, so I did." Ikkaku tried pleading then. He just really really wanted to take Yumichika around on the bike. He was sure Yumichika would like it if he just tried it... And maybe some part of Ikkaku sort of would like to feel Yumichika hugging him while he drove.

"Please? It'd make me really happy if you'd give it a chance."

"You know what makes me happy?" Yumichika replied sarcastically. Ikkaku looked to him again, glancing between him and the road. "Living _without_ severe spinal cord injuries."

"Aw c'mon, Yumichika!" Ikkaku complained, slapping a hand on the wheel. "Like that ever even happens to people! You're being dramatic!"

"And you're incredibly naive for someone who beat in a man's face like... an _hour_ ago," Yumichika replied smoothly after checking his watch. Ikkaku just glared at him for a moment.

"... I said I was sorry... I don't usually do that," Ikkaku repeated, seeming uncomfortable. "I just... didn't like the way he was talking to you, and I... I couldn't help it. I won't do it again, I promise," he said, his voice growing smaller and smaller.

"Don't make frivolous promises," Yumichika said.

"But I mean it," Ikkaku said passionately, "I saw that it freaked you out. I don't want you to feel unsafe around me, Yumichika. I'm not gonna' beat you, and I'm not gonna' crash my bike with you on it!"

"Those issues are mutually exclusive."

"I don't see how! You watch me kick your ex's ass, but you're not even mildly concerned, but a motorcycle that you barely even looked at before is _way_ too scary for you to even _think _about trying? Won't you just do this for me, Yumichika?" Ikkaku begged. "You might like it, it might be fun."

"Ikkaku, watch the road."

"Ughhh," Ikkaku groaned in annoyance, pouting and trying to scheme up a way to get Yumichika to like the idea.

After sliding Yumichika's car next to his motorbike in the under-ground parking garage, Ikkaku sidled over to it, leaning against the concrete wall, whistling nonchalantly, "What, you don't think this is the coolest bike? You don't wanna' hop on it and let me drive you somewhere?" Yumichika opened the trunk of his car, starting to get his things. Ikkaku kept pushing the issue, joking about a little. "We could go out in the country on this... Could be fuu-uun~"

Yumichika stoically ignored him, picking some boxes up. Ikkaku immediately stepped forward and took it out of his hands, bending slightly so Yumichika could stack a few more in his arms. "You _sure _that you don't think I look hot next to that motorcycle?" Ikkaku said after a moment of silence. Yumichika looked ready to scream.

As it was, Yumichika merely hissed and threw a balled pair of socks from his clothes bag at him, hitting him between the eyes since Ikkaku didn't dare dodge while holding Yumichika's stuff. "_No."_

"... I look _cooler,_ then?" Yumichika gave an exasperated laugh, saying that was the worst joke in history. Ikkaku grinned. "You still laughed... I'm gonna' get you on that bike someday. I won't give up till the day I die!"

"You're going to die disappointed then," Yumichika said with a straight face, goading Ikkaku into laughing again. They both knew that Ikkaku wouldn't really keep pushing him if he _seriously_ didn't want to, but Yumichika might like to try someday... just not _yet._

"Yo, you hungry again yet?" Ikkaku muttered. "I could go for omurice." Yumichika shrugged, making a noise with his teeth to get Haruki to follow after him as he carried some bags to the elevator. Ikkaku followed with steady steps to keep Yumichika's stuff balanced. He wondered what was in the boxes.

"Ikkaku, can you hold the door so her tail doesn't get caught?"

"Yeah, sure." Ikkaku did so with his foot as Yumichika ran back to his car to get the rest of his things and locked the doors. The elevator ride was calming, spent in silence. Yumichika gave a long sigh and leaned his head onto Ikkaku's arm. Haruki meowed at her reflection on the chrome walls, and Ikkaku smiled like a maniac, snuggling his head on top of Yumichika's. Today had been tough, but it didn't have to be ruined just yet.

The door opened and Ikkaku stepped out onto the sidewalk, nodding his head at the guy in the tollbooth at the garage entrance. Haruki stayed close to Yumichika's legs, winding around them as they carted Yumichika's stuff outside.

After a short walk to the building, Yumichika screeched at the fact that the garage had an elevator, but the twenty-story apartment building _didn't_.

"Oh come on, babe, the levels are open to the air like a condo. That's why they don't have an elevator like some hotel – leaves and rain would get in."

Yumichika still pouted about it, since his apartment was indoors like a hotel. "You walk twenty stories worth of stairs everyday on your way to work? How do your legs survive that?"

"I'm a wrecking-ball, that's how!" Yumichika gave him a despairing look, bemoaning the fact that he wouldn't want to come visit all the time if it meant climbing all those stairs to see him. "No, no way, you don't have to do that! I'd carry you!" Ikkaku promised with a big grin. "You know, since you already have such nice legs."

"You're going to make me blush," Yumichika replied with a smile. "Honestly though, you could've done better picking your apartment. Really, climbing up forty flights of stairs."

Ikkaku gave him a weird look then. "What's this about forty sets of stairs? I live on the _third_ floor. You walked up there this morning, remember? That's only six staircases. Nobody could even break a sweat doin' that!" Yumichika raised an eyebrow. "I'll still carry you if you want," Ikkaku offered somewhat eagerly.

Yumichika broke into a laugh, face brightening up. "That's alright. Six flights isn't so bad." He gave a light hum then, tilting his head as they walked. Ikkaku had to keep glancing up to watch where he was going, looking back to Yumichika's face. "You know, I don't know why I didn't remember that. I did walk up them earlier..." He shook his head with a shrug of the shoulders. "I suppose it's been a rather harrowing day."

"I hear ya'," Ikkaku said wholeheartedly, "I thought I almost lost ya'!"

"And then you beat someone to a pulp," Yumichika added on, as if that were actually a plus. Normally, that would stand for Ikkaku too, but just the thought of it made his shoulders hitch and his eyes lower in shame.

"I wish you would stop mentioning that," Ikkaku said lowly, staggering up the steps behind Yumichika. "I said I didn't mean to."

"I sincerely hope you're not the type of person who beats people up and then regrets it."

Ikkaku gave a non-descript grumble at that. "I don't regret it," he finally said uneasily. "I just wish... you hadn't... seen."

"If you're worried about scaring me, you need to step up your game," Yumichika drawled carelessly, raising his eyebrows. "Unless you really _intend _to hit me."

"No!" Ikkaku shouted, aghast. "Never! You could piss me off until my head exploded and I still wouldn't!"

"Well there you go. What reason have I to be afraid," Yumichika said dismissively.

Ugh, Yumichika just didn't get it, did he? Ikkaku hadn't hit anyone like that since he'd been on-season, and he'd promised himself _no violence_ otherwise. He'd gotten out of control so easily and if Yumichika figured that out, if he began to think Ikkaku might get like that in other situation, he'd leave, and rightly so.

"I swear I won't do it again," Ikkaku promised earnestly. "Please don't have second thoughts, I won't get like that again."

"Why are you getting so upset?" Yumichika wondered, slightly taken aback.

"I said all that about him being shit for you, and then I go and beat him up!" he said in frustration. "I'm just thinking I might not be the best thing for you right now..."

"Don't talk like that, Ikkaku," Yumichika soothed, looking back to him as he climbed the stairs. "I'm trying to focus on the burn in my thighs, not in my chest."

"Okay, okay."

"Oh dear, how much longer?" Yumichika moaned tightly, dragging himself to the next landing. Ikkaku had to admit, it wasn't so great to go up these steps with all the added weight in his arms, but he was dealing with it alright. Then again, Yumichika had a different build than he did, and Ikkaku kept in shape for a living.

"We're almost there, see?" He nodded in direction of the last two stairwells. Haruki bounded up the steps and meowed when she reached the top of them, looking down on the two of them. "Wait, cat!" Ikkaku called, trying to speed up, since they'd spent a lot of energy getting it back earlier. He didn't want to lose it again; Yumichika had been so heartbroken.

Yumichika laughed softly. "I'm surprised that she likes you," he said, indicating his cat. Ikkaku gave him an incredulous look, referencing the fact that the thing wouldn't even let him come _close_ to petting it. He didn't get how that constituted fondness by any means.

"Well, she hasn't scratched you... I'm not supposed to tell anyone this, but she clawed Hisagi very badly."

"Is that why he has those marks on his face?" Ikkaku said in amazement, on the verge of bursting into tremendous peals of laughter.

"Oh no, no," Yumichika said quickly, to Shuuhei's defense. "I don't know what those are from." He gave Haruki a pointed look. "I had him hold her once and only once when I was driving, and he had to get stitches on his chest."

"What? No way," Ikkaku said flat-out.

"_Way_," Yumichika insisted to Ikkaku's amusement. He began grinning widely. Hah! He'd never let Hisagi live that down.

He laughed loudly, looking up at the innocent-seeming furball. It licked its paw in a diva-like manner that made it clear it was Yumichika's cat. This kitty had put Hisagi in stitches. "Pfft!" Ikkaku spat, breaking into laughter again just after he'd calmed himself down. "That is _priceless!"_

"You _can't_ tell him that I told you," Yumichika said firmly, trying to appear serious even though he was fighting back his own laughter. He was shaking slightly from the effort, biting his lips. "She doesn't like strangers... or _anyone_ for that matter. She only lets me and Kaa pet her, and she seems to like Renji to an extent."

"Weird," Ikkaku commented. "Maybe it's the bright color that she likes?"

"I think cats are colorblind," Yumichika said thoughtfully, "Although that's a good observation. It must just be a coincidence. At any rate, she seems to like you well enough."

"Mm," Ikkaku grunted, giving her an appraising look, trudging up the steps. "I guess I can't get a fish anymore then, huh?" he joked. Yumichika didn't reply, and when the quietness fully registered to Ikkaku, he looked to his boyfriend's face to find an expression of guilt and dismay.

Yumichika apologized graciously again about invading his home, and Ikkaku was quick to assure him that he liked this arrangement much better; Yumichika was better than any fish, after all.

Yumichika didn't exactly appreciate that comparison, and pinched Ikkaku's cheek in exasperated fondness.

When they reached the landing, Ikkaku set down his boxes and stretched his arms, pleased with the burn. He unlocked the door to his apartment, the smell of drying paint immediately hitting him as he picked Yumichika's stuff back up and walked in. Haruki circled at the doorway, meowing as Yumichika entered and took his shoes off, neatly lining them up and taking the liberty of doing the same with Ikkaku's, which he'd just kicked off haphazardly.

Ikkaku set Yumichika's stuff down in the middle of the room, where it wouldn't get paint on it, and then glanced at Haruki. Yumichika rummaged around behind him, preoccupied.

"Here kitty," Ikkaku called, squatting down and holding an arm out to her. If a cat could make an expression, she was sending him one of clear disdain as he tried to lure her into the house. He made some little kissie noises to try to call her, but she wouldn't come; she instead turned around and made her way towards the neighbor's flower boxes. Ikkaku trailed after, discouraged slightly, and she just walked away from him further, tail flicking distrustfully.

Trying to pick her up was not a smart idea, so Ikkaku didn't try. "She won't go in, Yumi!" Ikkaku called. Yumichika looked up to him sharply, and Ikkaku froze, because he hadn't realized how close that nickname sounded to... It was just, Ikkaku thought it was okay, since he hadn't warped Yumichika's name into something weird; he'd merely shortened it. Maybe though, maybe Yumichika took offense to that, maybe it was seen as a show of disrespect, just like Kaa had done but turning 'You-meech-kuh' into 'Yummy-cheek-a'.

Ikkaku didn't dare say another word, just letting what he'd thought was a term of endearment hang in the air, as though he'd insulted someone without meaning to and was waiting for a reply. He watched in dread for Yumichika's response.

To his surprise, Yumichika's face absolutely _melted_ with an affectionate smile, and Ikkaku sighed in relief. Yumichika stood up and passed by him, still beaming, and picked Haruki up and carried her, petting her head.

It looked like Ikkaku had found the proper sweet-name for his boyfriend. That had been quite the reaction. That was probably the equivalent of _violet_ on that proverbial 'mood-ring' they'd discussed earlier.

Not commenting on Ikkaku's choice of nickname, but as good as doing so anyway, seeing how pink his cheeks were and how pleased his smile was, Yumichika continued the conversation. "Oh, she had Kaa wrapped around her little finger, it was quite funny… I wonder why she ran from him."

"Looking for you, probably," Ikkaku said with a grin. Yumichika's eyes lit right up, his blush beginning to recede.

"She seems to like you too," Yumichika said. Ikkaku still wasn't sure about that, so Yumichika amended the statement. "She's tolerating you, at least. I'm glad… If she scratched you, you might get fed up pretty quickly."

"That's how cats play, they love to scratch!" Ikkaku said eagerly.

"You'd feel differently if you'd been the one to need chest stitches," Yumichika said pointedly, referencing Hisagi's injury. Ikkaku went eerily quiet at those words. "Ikkaku?"

"I would not," he finally said, his smile coming back and that far-off look leaving his face. "If your crummy ex can't scare me away, your cat definitely can't either. Seriously, your cat should be like a cat model. Look at that fur, and those eyes."

"She gets it from me," Yumichika said with a proud smile, kissing her ear, which flicked in response. Ikkaku snorted prodding Yumichika to make him go back inside. He closed the door to keep the cat in and moved to the windows, closing them again. Yumichika set her down and she wandered around in front of the fans, enjoying the breeze.

Yumichika gave a long low sigh, then coughing slightly. "Well… Home… Home sweet home," he said, wheezing a little, pulling his shirt up over his nose and mouth in an attempt to mask the paint fumes. Ikkaku cracked up, going over to hug him and pick him up slightly by leaning back, making Yumichika stand on tip-toes.

"I'm glad you said yes," Ikkaku said with a cocky grin. "Now we'll have a bunch of time to get to know each other…" Yumichika made a nondescript noise in response. "To tell the truth, I was a little worried you'd change your mind and… ya' know… go back," Ikkaku said uncertainly, clearing his throat with some awkwardness, because he didn't like to admit that he'd had doubts. "Well, because, you know, he does know a lot more about you than me… He knows what you like and stuff, all about your life, your family. I don't know anything yet."

"He didn't care to know those things," Yumichika mumbled. "But you do. That already puts you a step ahead." Ikkaku nodded, humming as he pondered that. Then he smiled, tugging slightly on the ends of Yumichika's hair.

"Still, I'm glad you're here," he said, "in my house." He then went on again to punctuate that, "Sleeping here. And having breakfast. And hanging out. With _me._" He grinned insanely. Fuck, this would be fun. He'd never had a round-the-clock buddy.

"Going home with a man on the second date," Yumichika said with a sigh and a rueful smile, looking back at Ikkaku, who was grinning like a maniac and squeezing him under the armpits in a huge hug. "Ohhhh, what would my parents say," Yumichika half-laughed, flopping his head back. Ikkaku shook him from side to side, not releasing his hold, goading Yumichika into hugging him back. Yumichika let his head hang limply over Ikkaku's arms, allowing Ikkaku to hold him up. Ikkaku jokingly blew on Yumichika's neck, causing him to shriek with a laugh and stand up straight again in panic. Haruki's tail puffed up at the noise.

Yumichika was nose to nose with him for a second, breathing hard from being tickled, but then he snorted and rolled his eyes, letting his arms wrap up behind Ikkaku's neck. He stood on Ikkaku's toes, and Ikkaku moved them from side to side slightly, keeping Yumichika's feet balanced on top of his.

"What _would_ they say?" Ikkaku asked with a curious frown, eager to know more about Yumichika. From the sounds of it, Yumichika still had both of his parents alive. Ikkaku wondered if he would ever meet them and have to try to get their approval.

"Something degrading, most likely. No, _not_ most likely. For _sure._" Yumichika grimaced, eyes on the ceiling. "I've been their no-good son since I came out. You know how it is."

"I don't, actually," Ikkaku said with sympathy, brows furrowing. "God, that's awful."

"It was, in the beginning," Yumichika mumbled with a small shrug and a raise of his eyebrows, "but my sister supported me. When I came out, I mean. She wasn't happy about me being with Kaa, but she was alright with me being gay."

"Well, she obviously cares about you then," Ikkaku replied, meaning it on both counts. He let his arms slide from beneath Yumichika's armpits, further down his back, his hands linking together and resting at the initial curve of Yumichika's spine, just above his belt-loops.

Yumichika smiles, "Yes. She's wonderful. She might like you. But maybe not. She's very picky about men."

"Oh geez," Ikkaku said, grimacing, a little cowed. Yumichika unstacked his luggage, looking around, as if judging where he could sleep. Right on cue, he asked where he should put his bedding. Ikkaku thought for a minute, not having thought about it until now. "Okay, so obviously you can't sleep on the couch in the living room, because, well…" He gestured towards the tarp-covered couch that blocked the hallway and the painted room, which was a complete mess. "So… There _is_ a lotta' space in here, but… there's not a lot of _rooms_, as you can see. If you don't wanna' sleep in the bathroom… you'll uhh… you'll have ta'… um…"

Yumichika pursed his lips. From what he had seen, there was a bedroom, a front room connected to a kitchen, a bathroom, a mystery room, and a hall closet.

"Share _your_ room?" Yumichika's eyes narrowed. Ikkaku's mouth closed sharply, a visibly swallow moving his throat. "Are you sure there isn't _anywhere_ else I could sleep? You're not trying to bait me into your bed-"

"Oi!" Ikkaku looked offended, cutting him off, "Hey now, I am _no_ pervert. Get your head out of the gutter!" He jabbed Yumichika in the stomach and wound his arms around his back tightly to keep him from escaping as he tickled him. Haruki hissed and clawed at Ikkaku's leg when Yumichika began to laugh and thrash around.

"Stop, stop, you're upsetting her." Ikkaku let him go. Yumichika continued to laugh, squatting down and petting down her puffed-up fur. Then he sighed, grimacing. "I'm just saying, it doesn't look good, Ikkaku. We met yesterday, and I'm _not_ that kind of person. I don't go to bed on the second date. I don't live with them someone for at least six months, but you see how that worked out. I'm _definitely_ not budging on the having sex on the second date thing."

"Oh woah, hey now, I never said that," Ikkaku said somewhat nervously. "I'm not trying to suggest that you… have to do _that _with me. You don't owe me anything! I just… I just don't want you to sleep on hard tile. You'd be more comfortable in my room with the carpeting. Or in my bed. You could sleep in my bed, and I'd sleep on the floor! You're my guest, so…"

Yumichika gave a long suspicious hum, eyeing him carefully. Ikkaku looked down at himself, like he'd see what Yumichika was scrutinizing so closely about him. Finally, Yumichika said, "It's okay, I suppose," very begrudgingly. "I'll sleep on the floor in your room… Is it alright if I borrow some blankets?"

Ikkaku was so surprised that it took him a moment to realize that Yumichika had… _asked_ for something, something he could give! "Yeah, sure, no problem!" he said as soon as he got control of his mouth again. "Let's go see what I got." Ikkaku immediately hopped over the covered couch blocking the hallway, Haruki following him like a shot.

Yumichika trailed behind hesitantly, looming by the doorway of Ikkaku's room, watching Ikkaku fumble in a closet in the dark. "Come in here, Yumi! Pick what you like!"

Yumichika smiled at his eagerness, coming in behind him and stepping over what little mess there was on the floor. That name still made him glow with happiness.

* * *

Ichigo set down a tray with cheese, crackers, and a drink next to Renji on his work desk. His red-headed lover had on headphones and reading glasses, scribbling on sheets of graph paper and ticking things away on a calculator with his pencil's eraser.

Not wanting to interrupt him, Ichigo made to sneak away silently, but without warning, Renji snagged him around the waist with one muscled arm, pulling him in so he could kiss what was level with his face, which was, at the moment, Ichigo's stomach.

"Thanks," Renji mumbled, skewing his green frames as he pushed his cheek up against Ichigo's skinny torso. "M' almost done, I swear," he said tiredly, holding onto Ichigo like a child with a snuggle-toy.

"Take your time," Ichigo said, hesitantly setting his hand on Renji's head, then beginning to pet his hair soothingly, running his long fingers through it. Renji gave a shudder, melting against him and going very very still, like he always did when Ichigo touched his hair. "I'm packing for our vacation, so no rush."

"Mm, I can't wait for that." Renji gave Ichigo one last snuggle and then released him, turning back to his work. "We should get Yumichika to go with us. I feel bad about not inviting him. He ditched that dirt-bag finally, so all the more reason for him to get away for a while."

"We already booked hotel rooms," Ichigo said uncomfortably, because as much as he thought inviting Yumichika would be great, their plans were in the final stages now, and would be hard to change. "He'd have to share a bed. Rangiku's already getting a bed to herself, which means that Yumichika's bunking with either Iba or Ikkaku. If he's not comfortable with that, then don't push him, alright? He's had enough after that volcano-headed maniac completely-"

"Hey now, don't make fun of his hair while it's that color. I'll think you're tryin' ta' tell me something," Renji said with a pout. Ichigo grimaced, rubbing Renji's shoulder a little.

"Concentrate, yeah?" he said. "Don't let me bother you."

"Yer' not a bother. Yer' sexy."

"You just wait until I beat you at Marioparty. We'll see who's sexy _then."_

_"Oooh_, I thought I was supposed to concentrate?"

"It's called extrinsic motivation."

* * *

"What is this other room for? Couldn't I sleep in _there?" _Yumichika asked skeptically, arms crossed, foot tapping eratically.

"That's full of stuff. All my shit's in boxes from when I was moving around," Ikkaku explained briefly.

"Ah, I see. I _could_ lay in the hallway," Yumichika pointed out, waving an arm at the cramped space blocked off by tarp-covered furniture and cardboard-boxes. "Or in the kitch-"

"Are you that eager to get away from me?" Ikkaku teased, pulling things out of what Yumichika recognized as a linen closet. "Yumichika, I'm a really heavy sleeper; you'll _know_ when I'm asleep. I won't hurt you, I promise."

"Well, you might snore," Yumichika then said, immediately finding another excuse.

"Hah! You _are_ trying to get away from me," Ikkaku accused with a joking laugh, arm deep in some stacked sheets, trying to get at one in particular.

Yumichika looked around the room, even though he had been trying to preserve Ikkaku's privacy. It was a little messy, with a queen-sized bed, its blankets askew. There were clothes on the floor and some food wrappers, but there weren't any dirty magazines, condom foil, or murder supplies, which was a good sign.

"No, no," Yumichika said with a sigh, "I just, you know… There might be questions and weird looks from the neighbors, if…"

"Look, Yumichika," Ikkaku said plainly, "_N__othing_ about you could ever embarrass me. Okay? Somebody being like 'oh my god, _that_ guy slept over?' could _never_ get under my skin, because they're probably just wishing you slept over at _their_ house. Rumors don't bother me. People don't say shit to my face, anyways."

"I just… don't want to make you go to trouble," Yumichika said, deeply conflicted. Ikkaku stood up straight, bed-sheets in his arms. He turned to look at Yumichika very seriously, speaking quietly.

"You're no trouble, Yumichika," he said with a smile. "Just lemme' do this for you, okay? Don't worry about anything."

Yumichika looked like he wanted to say something else, but he let out the breath and nodded, taking some sheets and a comforter from Ikkaku, who was putting a new pillowcase onto one of his pillows. He then threw it towards a clean place on the carpet next to his bed. "Just put em' right there. Is that okay?"

Yumichika nodded in response, lying the sheets down. Ikkaku went on then. "If it's uncomfortable on the floor or if you wake up in the night, feel free to sleep right on the other half of my bed, I don't mind at all. I probably won't even realize. I sleep like the dead."

Yumichika nodded, smiling, wondering if Ikkaku was someone who spread across the whole bed, or if he snored, or if he kicked in his dreams. "You can just settle in while I finish painting, a'right?" Ikkaku said, walking towards the door to let Yumichika fix up his bed in privacy.

"Okay." Yumichika said. "Ikkaku?" Yumichika touched his shoulder as Ikkaku made to pass by him back down the hallway. Ikkaku paused, looking him in the face. Yumichika took a small breath, before speaking, "Thank you… I'm glad we're doing this… I didn't mean to sound so reluctant. This is just very new, you know. I've been with one person for years now… and that person's mostly been me. I'm excited to be here… and happy," he said quietly.

Ikkaku looked at him for second longer, before smiling softly. "'M happy too…"

"I just… Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this," Yumichika said with a small laugh, looking both pained and overjoyed. Ikkaku's grin twisted slightly. Damn, was he beautiful, and he was all his, too. He'd never give Yumichika a reason to be unhappy.

"I know this was a gamble for you, what with you havin' ta' change your whole life situation around for me. I'll try hard not to make you regret this," Ikkaku said solemnly, finger brushing lightly against Yumichika's hand.

"I think you're a risk worth taking."

"Ts', you're making me fucking blush," Ikkaku snapped, shoving Yumichika and walking the other way down the hall, vaulting the couch. Yumichika smiled, walking back out into the front room, taking out a little portable radio and some scrapbooking materials. Haruki meowed from where she'd hopped up on Ikkaku's kitchen counter. "Oi, Yumi?" Ikkaku then said, changing the subject and letting the heavy atmosphere dissipate, "You still want to help me with the molding?"

"Yes." Yumichika then looked up at Ikkaku's lack of reply, "What, right now?"

"No, not right now. I just… Hmm." Ikkaku mixed some more paint up into the roller tray, moving to a section that needed another coat. He then began talking absently, and Yumichika turned his gaze away, opening up his album, still listening. "Well, you're supposed to let the paint dry for a couple days, then do another coat, let that dry… and then tape everything off and paint the molding _then_, so… Hm… and next weekend is the vacation, too…"

"Oh dear, when will I do it? That's inconvenient," Yumichika replied somewhat absently, looking up to Ikkaku, who had his arms crossed in thought, paint-roller dripping onto the plastic-tarp covering the carpet where Ikkaku was standing. It crinkled each time he shifted his weight.

"Yeah, it is, but don't worry 'bout that now. Just relax for a while."

"Okay." Yumichika smiled and lie down on his stomach, beginning to cut pictures and stickers, letting his feet kick idly. "Say, are your knuckles alright?" he wondered aloud.

"Why?"

"You displaced my ex-boyfriend's cartilage," Yumichika said blandly as he turned a page of his album, like he was discussing the weather.

Ikkaku gave a tortured sigh, brow furrowing. He put the back of his hand to his hip, paint-roller spinning from recent use, his other hand at the bridge of his nose, like he could feel where he'd hit Kaa on his own face. "Yumichika," he pleaded, "Please don't keep bringing that up. You're freaking me out with how much you're thinking about it."

"Does it bother you?" Yumichika asked in surprise, looking up and over at Ikkaku's face.

"_Yes_," he said earnestly. "I don't want you to view me like that, like some deranged maniac with anger-issues! That's not how I am! That's not how I'm gonna' be to you!" he shouted, finding that his voice had gotten louder than it should have and that his nails had left ring marks on his palms. When had he clenched his fists up?

"Ikkaku, there's no need to get upset," Yumichika said in concern, sitting up straighter when Ikkaku showed genuine distress.

"There is!" Ikkaku stressed, almost blurting out the whole truth about _why_ there was, but restraining himself. "Please, tell me, _why_ do you keep mentioning it?"

"Honestly?" Yumichika pondered, drumming his fingers on his lips, staring at Ikkaku with appraisal. Finally, he said, "I found that right hook of yours very attractive."

Ikkaku made this little choked noise in his throat, eyes widening, and he hurriedly turned around, painting the wall with vigorous motions that were almost angry. His face felt like it was on fire for quite a few minutes, and no matter how hard he chewed on his lip, he couldn't stop this crazy goofy grin from creasing his cheeks. Yes, that's it.


	11. Chapter 11

"And I said, 'next time you want to get piss-drunk, at _least_ put on something less tacky and maybe you'll score the ugliest wretch in this god forsaken place. Just a hint, it's not me.'... And I also said that his breath stunk."

"You totally didn't say that."

"Why wouldn't I say it?"

"You have to _back up_ shit talk, especially in a bar, and your face still looks so nice."

"You think I couldn't hold my own?" Yumichika demanded to know, raising an eyebrow. Ikkaku gave him a slightly patronizing look.

"Your arms are like sticks, Yumi," he commented, pinching Yumichika's upper arms. "You couldn't hold a hundred pounds, let alone 'your own.' You have no business saying things that you can't back up."

Yumichika pouted at the teasing, holding up his skinny arms in offense and making a mock-muscle. "Hey now, I _can_ back it up. Bluffing gets people into more trouble than it's worth."

"You never bluff, huh?" Ikkaku said with an eyebrow raised. "Gimme' an example," he challenged. "One example."

"I left Kaa, and I'm not going back no matter what," Yumichika replied pointedly, shutting Ikkaku right up. "Hah, so there."

"Fine, ya' got me," Ikkaku chuckled. "So what happened then, if you're so tough?"

"Oh yes," Yumichika said, taking a minute to get back to his story. "Anyways, the guy got mad, like the spitting-violent-drunk type of mad." Ikkaku made a noise of recognition, nodding like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Yumichika then performed the actions of what happened on an invisible offender, to Ikkaku's delight. "He grabbed the front of my shirt and ripped the buttons, so I splashed my drink in his face and kicked him in his crotch."

"You did not," Ikkaku said, calling bullshit. "You were drunk."

"I _did_, I _did_," Yumichika replied eagerly with a big smile, to which Ikkaku couldn't resist. "I remember because he didn't zip up his pants after going to the bathroom. I used his green underwear as a target. Bull's eye!" Ikkaku nodded, laughing a little. "... So that's the story of how I learned to teach men to sing soprano."

"Oooh, snap." Ikkaku closed a kitchen drawer with his hip. "Remind me not to get on your bad side. I'd hate to see ya' on the war path."

"I prefer to solve things without violence actually," Yumichika said haughtily. Ikkaku bit his lip a little. "I'm far too pretty for prison, and fighting is just no fun when the other participants are insanely sweaty and so condescending that their faces could fall off."

Ikkaku blinked, perking up a little. "So you don't think fighting's ugly then?"

"Not really, although fight-_ers_ can be ugly... and I do like watching men's wrestling and MMA on television. Imagine what that would look like without the hot pants."

"Oh my god." Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "You freaking pervert. How am I supposed to ask you to fight me now after you just said that?" Yumichika laughed to himself for a little while, before singing quietly along with the radio.

"Hey," Ikkaku said to get Yumichika's attention back. "Crack some eggs into a bowl, and pour in some milk. Then dunk the meat in there - it'll make the breading stick."

"Okay, this is a little too domestic for me," Yumichika joked, cooking some rice on the stove while Ikkaku sliced some raw chicken nearby.

"What?" Ikkaku looked up in confusion, watching Yumichika move to dig through the fridge. He grinned and turned back to his task. "I dunno', I kinda' like it." Yumichika shrugged with a little smile, dancing a little to the music.

Ikkaku started humming, sticking the knife under the faucet, washing it with a quick swipe of his fingers. "You've been hit by, you've been hit by, a smooth criminal." He pulled on a piece of Yumichika's hair at the last note.

Yumichika smiled, shoving him away. "You are such a cheese-ball. It's-"

"Ugly?" Ikkaku interjected knowingly.

"Don't take words out of my mouth, Madarame Ikkaku."

"I'm not Madarame Ikkaku. I'm hungry," he said with a morbid look on his face and the blunt side of the knife jokingly pressed to Yumichika's neck. That may have not been the best move, but some secret part of him had to test how Yumichika would react if he ever knew.

Yumichika seemed unconcerned, more amused by Ikkaku's lame joke than anything, causing Ikkaku to sag with some strange relief, which was not what one should do when pretend-threatening someone with a knife.

"Uh oh, I'm in trouble now," Yumichika said, voice shaking with laughter. Ikkaku took the knife away, putting it on the counter so he could grab Yumichika's hand and spin him backwards into his arms, his chest pressed to Yumichika's back.

There was a quiet moment of swaying to the music and hugging each other. Ikkaku reached up absently with one hand to feel Yumichika's neck. He felt okay right there. Yes, just fine. Yumichika took Ikkaku's hand and brought it back around him, holding it there like he couldn't bear for Ikkaku to stop squeezing him, like he'd fall apart at the seams if Ikkaku didn't plug the leaks.

"Mmmm," Ikkaku sighed, nosing at Yumichika's cheek, smiling as he hugged him. Yumichika was slightly smaller, maybe more fragile, but he was definitely lean and not skinny. It was like Yumichika was his antithesis, but a complement as well, as if he was endurance training, and Ikkaku was strength training. Yumichika fit so nicely against Ikkaku's body that it seemed like it just _couldn't_ be mere coincidence.

Yumichika let his head roll back onto Ikkaku's shoulder, bumping against his face a few times, his eyelashes flicking his cheek. Ikkaku let out a pleased sigh, just enjoying holding him tight for a moment, appreciating how soft and squeezable he was, but at the same time, the lean muscle of his torso and the sharp angles of his elbows.

It was so nice, _too_ nice; it was seriously giving Ikkaku a bad case of some sort of snuggle-lust. His heart wasn't really _racing,_ more like it was... buzzing, or something of the like. He felt really really good doing this, and it seemed there was no consequence, like there usually was with things that made him feel this good.

He didn't want to let go if it was always going to feel so perfect; maybe he could let go for small periods of time, but he didn't think this was something he'd ever be satisfied with knowing there could be a 'last time.' Ikkaku rubbed himself against Yumichika a little, not quite grinding on him, but pressing into him like he could get Yumichika's unique light smell to sink into his own clothes and stay there.

That buzz, it wasn't excitement. Well, it was, but there was something else there. Comfort, almost, maybe peace. That smell was probably doing it to him, the softness, knowing that he could hug Yumichika again when he wanted. Knowing that it was okay to let go, that he'd have this to come back to, the thought was very... _welcome _to Ikkaku.

"You smell good," he said simply, not knowing how else to describe a smell. He stuck his nose against Yumichika's neck, knowing that was probably the spot where Yumichika sprayed his perfume on, taking a deep drag.

Yumichika squirmed at the sudden attack on a sensitive spot, laughing and trying to get out of his embrace. "You're smelling the food," he said, complaining about Ikkaku's constant tickle attacks.

"Are you trying to tell me that your perfume smells like seasoned-chicken? Yeah right."

Yumichika smiled and pinched Ikkaku's arm, but still lay his head back on his shoulder again. Ikkaku's strong arms wrapped back around him, and Yumichika could plainly feel the powerful flex, knowing that Ikkaku could easily squeeze him hard enough to really hurt him, knowing that Ikkaku could strangle him, that when he'd been touching his neck just then, he could've cut off his air or done anything he'd wanted, but Ikkaku hadn't.

Yumichika had plainly seen that day that Ikkaku was _very_ capable of violence, but even so... he felt very safe when in these arms. Ikkaku's hands hadn't been anything but careful and gentle. Yumichika had thought that after so long being contact-starved in his previous relationship, he might not even be comfortable with being touched anymore. Ikkaku wasn't quite touchy-feely, but he'd been affectionate towards him, and even a small amount felt like a lot to Yumichika, who'd had nothing for far too long.

Ikkaku was always warm, and the small familiar touches were filling some secret desire held in Yumichika's heart. Everything that Ikkaku was, the way he looked at him, the way he talked to him and held him and made him feel, everything about Ikkaku was passion.

Yumichika was so happy that he almost couldn't bear it.

Back when he and Kaa had first gotten together, back when they would roll around multiple times per day due to initial fire that they'd felt, Yumichika hadn't particularly needed intimate moments like this. Kaa recognizing him as the only man worthy of his notice had been enough, and Yumichika had been content that he'd been Kaa's only male lover; that had been enough to him to be equal to a profession of love. That had seemed like enough, like an equivilant to an 'I love you.' Yumichika hadn't yearned for soft kisses, hand-holding, or even companionship at that time, but after a while he had come to crave it. He'd longed for the attention that he knew he deserved, but after a while, he began to think that he _didn't _deserve it, that Kaa was straying for a reason, that if only Yumichika had said the right things or done something more, Kaa would love him again like no one else.

Yumichika could admit it now. He wanted to be held, he wanted to gaze into someone's eyes, he wanted to feel the care, that his beauty was being cherished. He wanted to talk about his dreams and feel that he was being listened to; he wanted someone who would accept his love and take it like it was precious.

Yes, Yumichika was very happy like this, despite the inherent risks. If Ikkaku ever knew... if he _ever_ knew, he surely wouldn't treat Yumichika this way, this wonderful way.

"Don't pretend like you have taste, Ikkaku," Yumichika said softly, heart breaking a little. Yes, he wanted to be held just a _little_ longer, even if it meant he had to lie. He had to, because if Ikkaku knew just what he cradled in his gentle arms, he would be dropped, and Yumichika would fall and hit the ground. He'd break apart for the final time. He'd have to crawl back to Kaa. Kaa was right; nobody would ever want him for what he was except Kaa, and even he could hardly stand to be around him.

If Yumichika could just keep Ikkaku from knowing, then he could be happy, even if it only lasted until the truth came out - and he knew that it would someday. For now though, he could relax and smile.

"Pssh, okay, don't take the compliment, then." Ikkaku let him go with a little swat, grinning stupidly as he practically chucked the chopped meat into the frying pan. Yumichika smiled back dreamily, but then realized what Ikkaku had just done.

"Wait!" Yumichika held out a hand in a 'stop' gesture, a 'please no' expression on his face, although it was too late for that.

Ikkaku startled a little at Yumichika's melodramatic face. He'd acted like he'd just thrown a _live_ chicken into the pan! "Holy shit, what's the matter?"

"You didn't put the breading on yet," Yumichika noted, shoulders slumping. The quick spike of adrenaline rushing through Ikkaku calmed slightly, but his body still trembled with sudden pent-up energy. "Fish it out." Yumichika gestured to the frying pan and the sizzling meat.

Ikkaku stared for a minute, pursing his lips, tightening up every muscle he possibly could to try to get the tingling to die down. If he could just hit something, then...

"I'll just eat that piece, it's no big deal," Ikkaku said with a grin. "It's fine like it is."

"Guh, always difficult," Yumichika said, shaking his head when Ikkaku replied with 'what, I'm not tryna' burn my fingers, Yumichika.' Ikkaku just laughed at Yumichika's eye-rolling as if he'd been doing it for years. Haruki hopped up onto the counter, curling up to watch them with interested eyes, particularly the raw meat.

"Sooooo," Ikkaku suddenly said, looming over him with his hands behind his back.

"What?" Yumichika answered flatly, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I know you don't wanna' talk about Kaa anymore-"

"You're right," Yumichika tried to cut him off, but Ikkaku plowed on, seeming slightly guilty then.

"I'm just tryin' ta' ask, like... Did he ever do anything with you that you have good memories of?"

Yumichika stared at him with his mouth open for a moment, looking suspicious. "I'm trying not to take that in a sexual way, but it's kind of hard not to..."

"No, no, no, _sheesh._" Ikkaku rubbed his face with a hand. "I'm just, like... What did he..." He tried to think of a better way to phrase the sentence, but couldn't quite get it to come out right. "Something you did together that you enjoyed... I mean, what did he do that made you love him? There must've been _something_ fun that you guys did together, right?"

Yumichika was quiet for a minute, going back to cooking. Ikkaku thought that he might not answer, so he sighed a little and got back to work, mentally cursing his fucked-up blabber mouth. Bringing up old flames was bad enough, but _this_ old flame was beyond horrible. The last thing he needed to do was to keep reminding Yumichika about him. Why the _fuck_ had he done that?

It wasn't like Ikkaku wanted to liken himself to Kaa, it was just... Ikkaku knew hardly _anything_ about Yumichika, and didn't know what to do with him to win his heart. He didn't want to remind Yumichika of Kaa, but there must've been _something_ about that guy that had attracted Yumichika, at least in the beginning.

"Oi," Ikkaku said lowly, "Oi, I'm sorry," he tried to say, apologizing somewhat meekly, his chest aching all over. His fists curled up and then opened again helplessly. He had nothing to hit, nothing to break to solve his problems this time. It was just, words didn't seem like enough.

Yumichika didn't respond to his apologies, but did speak, finally saying, "He took me to nightclubs."

Ikkaku was silent for a minute. Yumichika didn't say anything more, continuing with cooking. Finally, he cautiously ventured to ask "... And you liked it?"

"Yes. It was pretty much the only place he'd take me in public, and I assume that was because it's dark in the club," Yumichika said somewhat bitterly.

"I bet you looked great, though," Ikkaku interjected with a smile. Yumichika nodded, seeming pleased, if the way he tossed his hair was anything to go by.

"I used to party a lot, and he still does. We have a long history, but that's how we first met. We'd seen each other at school before, but that's where we actually _met-_met."

"You met at a club?" Yumichika nodded, mentioning that he knew how bad that sounded and that it was probably the reason their relationship had failed the way it had. What Ikkaku took from that was completely different. He concluded, "So that means you like _dancing,_ huh?"

Yumichika looked up, perturbed, not seeming to see what he was getting at. "Well... We didn't meet by dancing together, if that's what you mean. It was more like-"

"Grinding?" Ikkaku finished with a grimace. Yumichika was noticeably silent. "I figured."

Yumichika turned away, seeming unable to bear maintaining eye contact with him then. "You have him all wrong, you know," he said lowly. Ikkaku's expression softened. "We were very happy for about two years. We used to go out a lot and do crazy things together, but a lot changed after his sister passed. All the little problems we'd had became big ones; everything that he'd done to wrong me reared its head and started to weigh on me, but I stayed and hoped..."

Yumichika sighed, "But what was I hoping for, really? For things to go back to how they'd been?... They'd seemed alright in the beginning, but they really weren't. It wasn't that he had changed, really. It was just that after his sister died and everything happened, him crashing my car and... well, I realized that in the beginning I had loved him for the person I'd thought he was. All I was hoping to go back to was my ignorance."

Ikkaku's mouth tightened, jaw flexing at the mere thought. "I wanted him to be sweet to me like he'd used to be, but... he'd _never _used to be that way... I wanted him to take me out again with him, but it had never _been_ him taking me out. It had been me following along while he... and I had decided to stop following, so... I just..."

Yumichika's voice seemed to grow smaller then, and his motions slowed down. "Maybe I just decided that I didn't want to watch anymore, and I waited at him, thinking he'd get lonely without met here, that he'd notice... but, he never did... It's..."

"Stop," Ikkaku rasped, trying to touch Yumichika's arm, but he somehow couldn't. "I don't want to hear this," he begged. It was took painful.

Yumichika audibly swallowed, practically whispering, "I don't want to live every night of my life waiting for him to come home anymore, hoping that he'll have changed completely by the time he opens the door. That's not fair to anyone." He looked up a little, seeming uncomfortable with what he'd said.

"That's why I'm glad I met you. I can spend time with you and you want me there... It's clear that you do." Yumichika turned back to what he was doing again. "It's... weird. It's even more weird that it _is_ weird. Why shouldn't someone want to spend time with me?" Yumichika grumbled a little.

Ikkaku grimaced, imagining Yumichika slowly starting to yearn for the attention that Kaa was plastering on his many friends. He knew that after a while, anybody would become jealous and bitter, but Yumichika had apparently born with it for a long time, staying in a one-sided relationship with Kaa out of loyalty.

"I don't care anymore, though," Yumichika said, trying to sound strong. "He can go fuck himself or whoever else, I don't care. I don't care if losing him means I'll be by myself. I've decided I'd rather dance alone than cry alone."

Ikkaku's heart felt like it was about to pop. Fuck. "You're not alone," he stressed, fisting a hand in Yumichika's sleeve, tugging him around to face him. "You don't have to dance by yourself, and you're not gonna' fuckin' cry at _all." _He looked in both Yumichika's beautiful eyes, but Yumichika just smiled weakly an dropped the gaze.

Ikkaku sighed, letting him go. "I mean, if you _gotta'_ cry, I've got two shoulders, so..." Yumichika laughed then, a bright harmless laugh, and Ikkaku's mood perked right up.

"Anyways, I dunno' about that grinding shit, but I sure as fuck wanna' dance with you!" Ikkaku rubbed the back of his neck, sweating a little, "I'm probably not that good, but I still like it anyway." He then grinned and made a fist, "It gets me extra lucky! And it's lots of fun!" He took Yumichika by both of his upper arms, smiling in his face. "Whenever you wanna' go, let's go! It'll be really fun!" Yumichika just looked back at him for a moment, and Ikkaku became paranoid by the silence. His grip on Yumichika loosened, and he slowed his motor down, rethinking things. If dancing with Kaa had been what had started everything, doing that with someone else might hurt him, right?

"Unless, like," he said uncomfortably, and with some disappointment. Shit, he just really wanted to dance with Yumichika. "Unless it would bring up bad memories... You don't have to do anything you don't wanna'," he mumbled, looking to the side.

Yumichika was just looking at him with this indescribable expression that drew Ikkaku's eyes back to him. Aw fuck, he knew he should've kept his mouth closed. That topic had been too close to Yumichika's poor heart. Ikkaku should've just backed the fuck off for a while and let Yumichika get settled. He'd lost his boyfriend, his cat, and his home all too close together and here Ikkaku was springing what to him was a _very serious request._

The words that came out of Yumichika's mouth were like music. "I know a club," Yumichika said, somewhat dazedly.

Ikkaku stared at him, drawing back slightly, his mouth and eyes hanging open. Completely caught off guard, he scuffed his toe on the ground, turning away, trying to busy his hands with _something._ "Fuck, you are... somethin' else." Yumichika snorted from behind him. "Yeah, yeah. So, while I'm grilling you with uncomfortable questions... did he _always_ forget your birthday? He's gotten you _something_ before right? What kinda' stuff do you like?"

Ikkaku could admit it. He _sucked_ at buying presents. In fact, his friends openly admitted that it was more of a present to them to not receive anything from him. Ikkaku needed some ideas, because there was no way he would skip out on spoiling Yumichika at every opportunity. He just had to watch closely and figure out what it was that he liked. Or Yumichika could straight out _tell_ him right now, and Ikkaku could lock that information away for future use.

"Umm... He didn't _forget_ my birthday, exactly," Yumichika said awkwardly, as if he knew it sounded bad.

"Huh?" Ikkaku said in confusion. If he didn't forget his birthday, then why on earth wouldn't he get him something? Don't tell him that Kaa seriously would _ignore_ his birthday. "So what, he just-"

"-chose not to get me a gift," Yumichika finished wearily. Ikkaku gave a long groan and looked at Yumichika helplessly as if to say, 'oh my god, you poor poor thing, what has he done to you?' Yumichika reeled back slightly, seeming horrified. "He's not _all_ horrible, Ikkaku. He did other things sometimes," Yumichika said defensively.

Ikkaku looked up at him, sure to listen close. He very much wanted to know what Yumichika liked so he could make him happy. He knew damn well Yumichika would never ask him for anything or let him know what to get him as a present, so Ikkaku had to figure that shit out himself.

"Oh? Like what?"

Yumichika was obviously not someone who blushed very often, or at _all_, even when talking about inappropriate things, so it really shocked Ikkaku when Yumichika bit his lip and began to turn a little pink, like he was wishing he hadn't brought this up. "Well, that was the only time that-" Ikkaku stopped him there.

"_Oh god_," he stuttered out, recoiling, face bursting into flames. He could only guess that Yumichika's blush and silence meant that Kaa had done _favors_ for him. Yumichika put hands up to his cheeks, seeming very embarrassed if the way he was looking at his feet was anything to judge by. "No, it's okay, it's fine," Ikkaku practically squeaked, trying to breathe the right way. He put a hand on Yumichika's shoulder awkwardly. "It's totally so_ so_ alright,stop blushing." Yumichika put his head in his hands for a second, groaning.

"Okay, well... what should _I_ get you?" he asked lowly, shaking off the mental images. Yumichika looked extremely grateful at having been steered away from _that_ topic, since the color left his face pretty quickly. Ikkaku sighed with relief. He felt kind of bad to have embarrassed Yumichika, as cute as that little blush was.

"Hm," Yumichika pondered, and it actually took him a while, like he'd forgotten he could want things, which just tore Ikkaku up inside. Fuck, he was gonna' make sure Yumichika never _ever_ thought he was worthless again. He'd burn that bastard's influence right out of Yumichika's head until he was all self-confidence again.

"I like minty candy... I guess I like candles too," Yumichika mused. "Anything that's beautiful works just fine with me. Oh, and I like it when people make my gifts. Once Rangiku made me this beautiful bottle filled with different layers of sand from when she went to the beach with Ichimaru a long time ago. I love things like that..." He thought for a few more moments, seeing that Ikkaku was eager to hear more suggestions.

"Like a birdhouse?" Ikkaku asked. "I can do that, maybe." Yumichika face lit up in a smile, and he nodded.

"Yes, something like that. Maybe a vase... or, I don't know, something that I'll use, like a blanket or boots." Nodding in satisfaction, he watched Ikkaku hum and drum his fingers on his lips in thought. "What do you like, Ikkaku?" he asked, turning it around on him.

"Ahh, I've been meaning to get some more athletic tape?" Ikkaku said, scratching the back of his neck. Yumichika stressed that it had to be a _gift, _not something he'd needed anyways.

"What do you _like?" _Yumichika stressed.

"_You_, you little shit! I don't need no gifts! _I'm_ gonna' spoil _you!_"

"What about Christmas?" Yumichika humphed, putting his hands on his hips and tapping his foot once in a way that seized Ikkaku with an uncontrollable desire to grab him, and grab him he did. He yanked him in by his shirt and wrapped both arms around his chest, strapping Yumichika's arms to his sides. "Ah!"

"You're gonna' stick with me 'till Christmas?" Ikkaku said in a very hoarse voice, brows scrunching. Getting over the shock, Yumichika smiled a little.

"We'll see."

"Promise," Ikkaku demanded jokingly. Yumichika finally snaked an arm out of the loosening hold and planted it on Ikkaku's chest, fending him off with his forearm.

"Leave me alone," Yumichika griped, rolling his eyes. Ikkaku laughed a little, keeping his arms loosely around him. "Just tell me what you like so I have an idea."

"Mm," Ikkaku said, sighing contently when Yumichika settled against him. He rested his chin on Yumichika's shoulder. "I like sports. Um... yakiniku... beer," he finished lamely, still mostly focused on what he'd get Yumichika if he was lucky enough to keep him until Christmas. Shit, Yumichika had really... he'd really planned to be with him that long? He'd written him into his mental calender?

Gah, he could just... _kiss_ him! He was fucking perfect! There was only _one_ thing in the whole world that could make Yumichika any better!

"Oh!" Ikkaku noted, "and I think old-fashioned sword fighting is awesome. You know, like kendo related shit, and samurai artifacts... Even action figures. But I'm still fine with sake and yakiniku, y'know?"

"Simple man," Yumichika mused, leaving his hug and going back to the stove. "You know what they say about the only way to a man's heart."

Ikkaku immediately turned red, not saying a word.

"PFft! Your face!" Ikkaku growled at him, which just caused Yumichika to laugh even harder. "I meant _food,"_ Yumichika said, face twisting as he tried not to smile anymore. Ikkaku then felt really perverted, realizing where his mind had jumped and that he'd been wrong about it. "It doesn't matter," Yumichika said lightly. "I just got an idea of what to get you."

"Oh," he said awkwardly. Was Yumichika... No way...

"It's not to do with sex," Yumichika was quick to add, seeing how uncomfortable Ikkaku looked, "but I know you'll just love it."

Ikkaku nodded, still painfully aware of how much his face was burning up. Damn it, he probably looked like an idiot. "Uh," he began, realizing he sounded strange too, "Why don't you go relax while I finish up here?" He turned away, not meeting Yumichika's smug judge-mental face. At least he wasn't laughing anymore. Little shit. Ikkaku smirked a little.

"I'll go make my bed and put some pajamas on, okay?"

"Okay. While you're at it, picka' movie or maybe a video game. I bet I could _murder_ your ass at mariokart," he challenged. "Wait, poor choice of words. I'd just beat you- er... _Win!"_ Ikkaku struggled to get out, knowing that when you were with someone, you were supposed to be sweet and _not_ a competitive asshole, but fuck, just because he was in a relationship didn't mean that Ikkaku didn't still have a lot of stress to work off to maintain that sweet demeanor. He looked back at Yumichika for whatever input he'd give to that weirdness. Yumichika smiled devilishly with the obvious thrill of competition on his face.

"We'll see about that. Don't cry when you lose."

"Don't cry when _you_ lose!" Ikkaku shouted after him lamely, but he couldn't think of anything better to say what with how many endorphins were rushing through him. God damn, this was great. If Yumichika always gave him this feeling, he could go without seeing blood again for the rest of his life.

* * *

"Mmm," Renji moaned into Ichigo's mouth, back pressed into the carpet, hair in his eyes as his lover held his face and kissed him hard, slipping his tongue into his mouth. "I thought we were playing the game," he gasped, rolling his hips upwards desperately, trying to pull the man straddling him closer.

"Forget the game," Ichigo said breathily, and Renji laughed, shivers going down his spine. He could still hear the game going in the background. He had beaten Ichigo at a mini-game and had started to gloat, but had gotten jumped. Best punishment in the world.

Renji wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck, pulling his lips back down to him, and _damn_ if there was anything he loved more than kissing Ichigo. He could do it all day, all _week_; he loved the soft lips on his, he loved the velvety tongue, the warmth, and the closeness. He loved kissing that same mouth that scowled and cursed and shouted. Most of all, it was the fact that only _he_ got to do it.

Renji could feel hands pulling his shirt up and hips grinding down onto his. "Ooohh, just like that." He slid his hands down over Ichigo's back to grab his hips and press upwards. _Fuck_, why had he put on jeans? Jeans were _stupid__! __Fuck_ jeans! Why didn't everybody wear scrubs all the time, like Ichigo did when he came home from work, exhausted and horny? Renji growled in frustration, bucking his hips up against Ichigo's rear, but the feeling was dull and unsatisfying. He couldn't get enough friction and it was getting awfully tight in there on top of it.

Ichigo gripped Renji's biceps, squeezing greedily with a grin as he exhaled with wanton. He leaned down and licked along Renji's lower lip, before biting gently and tugging, causing him to give a quiet moan. Renji's cock strained against his pants, tenting them as much as it could within the confined space. It felt like he hadn't had sex in _ages._ As if reading his mind, Ichigo asked, "Ya' know how long it's been?"

"Long enough," Renji responded lowly, letting Ichigo open his belt and yank his accursed jeans down partway, and _fuck_ did he love watching Ichigo take his pants off. "Thought that dry spell was gonna' kill me, babe._" _Of course he didn't really mean that, but right now his boner was probably visible from the fucking moon, so it might as well be true.

"That's not my name."

"Fine, shitty brat-_ahh!" _

Ichigo grabbed him through his underwear, squeezing just right, hard enough to draw out a loud needy noise from him. Renji bit his knuckles to shut himself up, knowing they had neighbors and that it was still the early evening. "Oi, let's fuck already," Renji whined, moving his hips up onto Ichigo's hand, which retreated to his dismay. "C'mon, I'm dying here."

"So annoying," Ichigo grumbled, leaning down to kiss him, holding both his arms against the carpet. Renji gave a pleased sigh as they began to rock their hips together.

"Wait," he finally mumbled against Ichigo's lips, which didn't stop in kissing him. "So do we flip a coin then? We didn't finish the game." Usually they just had a playful wrestle to decide who got to pick what position they would do it in, but they were both too eager tonight. Ichigo blinked at him, before getting up and scrambling to his wallet, flipping something. Renji heard the coin hit the kitchen tile as he palmed the hard bulge through his boxer-shorts. At this point he really didn't care who did the fucking, just as long as they'd _hurry up_.

"Wait, what's what? You have to say which is which."

Ichigo groaned, head sagging back onto his shoulders. He picked up the coin, standing up straight again with a thoughtful expression. "Heads, I suck you off and fuck you. Tails, you do me, bla bla bla,"

Renji smiled widely, pulling at his hard-on. Ichigo flipped the coin, catching it and smacking it backwards onto his arm. He stared at it for a moment, before giving Renji a look. "I've got a twelve hour shift, so my ass had better not be sore tomorrow."

"You're not gonna' remember your _name_ tomorrow." Renji grabbed him by the waist and threw him over his shoulder, hiking up his pants as he carried him down the hall to their bedroom.

Ichigo laughed as he was thrown down onto the bed and pounced on. He had on that sunny smile of his and Renji just _loved _it. "Mm, you smell so good," Renji said breathily as he sucked on Ichigo's pulse point, teasing with his teeth, causing the smaller man to moan and try to worm out of his clothes.

Ichigo loved having Renji above him like this: hair hanging down, broad muscular chest and shoulders splayed out over him. Though he'd never admit it, he liked that Renji was a bit bigger than he was, that he fit perfectly in his strong arms.

And _damn,_ those tattoos.

"Lemme' do that," Renji said huskily, sitting Ichigo up so he could strip him down, but Ichigo just pushed him onto his back, straddling him again. He took his shirt off really slowly, swaying his body, enjoying the reverent hands on his thighs and sides. "Oh fuck, _don't._" Renji seriously was gonna' cum in his pants if Ichigo was gonna' striptease on top of him.

"Holy fuck," Ichigo mumbled with a grin, looking down at Renji's crotch, which had literally jumped beneath him.

"You're too hot for your own good," Renji mumbled. "I'm tellin' you, bastard, _I _wanna' do it." Renji grabbed Ichigo's forearms and rolled him onto his back. They wrestled for a little bit, laughing and pulling hair. "Gotcha'!" Renji shouted in triumph, swiftly pecking Ichigo's nose.

Ichigo let himself be pinned, smiling at Renji and curling his legs up over his lover's back to make Renji lay down on him. Renji held Ichigo's arms down and kissed him slowly, tongue caressing the inside of his mouth. He could taste butter from the popcorn they'd had earlier. He pressed his hips down over Ichigo's, enjoying the grunt he received as they ground into each other, desperate for some friction.

He kissed and sucked his way down Ichigo's chest, taking his sweet time until he made it down past Ichigo's bellybutton. Then he looked up with a grin, teasing Ichigo by sliding his fingers around the waistband of his pants.

Renji cringed when he moved his hands up his lover's sides, distinctly feeling ribs - he'd lost a lot of muscle mass. Of course he still loved Ichigo and how he looked, but he couldn't deny that Ichigo had gotten really skinny and wasn't that muscled anymore because of how much the orange-head's stress literally ate at him. Ichigo didn't have much of an appetite these days, and Renji suspected that he worked through his lunch hour. Renji couldn't point fingers though, since he knew he'd let his own appearance slip a little by eating too much junk food. He'd gotten kind of chubby.

Luckily the school year was almost over, and then he'd fatten Ichigo up on take-out again, and _he_ would work off this lard! They had used to go to the gym together all the time in high school; maybe they could take that up again. Renji missed things like that a lot.

Renji pecked Ichigo's ribcage, rubbing his thumb over each bump, watching them become less pronounced each time Ichigo inhaled.

After slowly unbuttoning Ichigo's jeans and sliding the zipper down, he yanked them down and off his legs. Then he dragged Ichigo's briefs down with his teeth, smiling roguishly. Ichigo let out a breathy moan, shifting around in anticipation, his cock visibly twitching.

Renji pushed Ichigo's legs back under the knees and bit at his thighs a couple times. "This is the last time we're wearing a condom, I swear," Renji mumbled, trying to sound braver about the subject than he felt. He probably should've brought this up earlier, but now as as good a time as ever, since both of them were known for talking during sex. "I know I've been makin' excuses for years, but... I'm ready ta' go get checked with ya', okay?"

"Renji, you-"

"I'll always be just for you," Renji assured, cutting him off. "It's not because I think you'll leave me if I don't do it... I just wanna' do this for you so we can really be together... cause' I _love_ you, okay?" Ichigo had an arm thrown over his face, but Renji could see his lips pull upward into a smile.

After quickly getting some lube and a stray condom, Renji realized that that huge box he'd gotten Ikkaku to buy could just go back to the store. Hah! He'd only done that as a prank anyways; he wished he could've seen the look on his face! But shit, no condom - Renji had never been inside without a condom before. The prospect of making love to Ichigo without one was really exciting to Renji, and he almost felt like a virgin again, in a good way.

"Oi! Stop spacing out and get to business!" Ichigo snapped, hooking an ankle around Renji's neck to yank him down to him for a kiss. Renji laughed against his mouth, elbows collapsing from where he was holding himself up. Ichigo's breath was slammed out of him as Renji's weight hit him, but he didn't break the kiss or say anything, just wrapping his arms around him.

Finally Ichigo shoved him off so Renji could take his boxers off and toss them behind him, getting them hooked onto the ceiling fan as usual. He immediately leaned back down and pressed his chest to Ichigo's, his larger body hulking over his as he took his face in his hands and kissed him.

Ichigo sighed, holding him around the neck, body arching up when Renji's hands ran down his sides. Ichigo's legs fit over his hips easily, Renji's sliding underneath his like perfect puzzle pieces as they rubbed their erections together and kissed. When they broke away, Renji looked into his eyes for a few seconds, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. Ichigo tried to move the curtain of red hair out of the way, smiling up at him with that free unreserved innocence.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," Renji whispered ever so quietly, his expression relaxed and earnest.

"Shut up and suck me off, sentimental shit," Ichigo said with a pleased smile. "You get tails, which means I get _head_."

"Stop," Renji said flatly in response to his pun. Ichigo just laughed at him as he slid down his midsection, hands coming to a halt at his hips. His laughter quickly turned into a moan, which choked off and turned into a desperate gasp. Renji licked a trail up his erection, taking it in his mouth once he reached the head, wasting no time.

Usually, Ichigo didn't want to be sucked off, which made tonight somewhat surreal. It just made Renji enjoy his work that much more. He let obscene noises slip out and maintained eye contact, which had Ichigo writhing under his touch.

Renji liked to think that he'd gotten pretty good at this, although he couldn't deep-throat. Sucking hard and bobbing his head, he let his hand wrap around the wet base of Ichigo's dick, pumping upwards until his fist hit his mouth, which stayed wrap around the head. He gave a low hum, slurping up precum that leaked past his lips, and the sensation had Ichigo sitting up and grabbing Renji's hair, moaning loudly. Renji pulled back and stopped, purposefully letting his breath hit Ichigo's soaked erection. Ichigo let a shuddery exhale escape, his eyes piercing into Renji's, and then he flopped backwards onto the mattress again.

Ichigo was panting; Renji could hear that much. He began twisting his head and timing each swirl of his tongue with his hand's pumping. He used his entire arm to hold Ichigo's hips down, which were straining to thrust upwards. Smirking and coming back to tease the head of his penis against his lips, Renji licked inside the slit and then took him back into his mouth again, letting his teeth scrape lightly along the inflamed flesh. He smiled when Ichigo's legs twitched and his toes curled. There was nothing quite like pleasuring Ichigo, knowing nobody else in the wold would ever get the chance.

"Hh... ha... aa-_aah_... _nn._" Ichigo looked down with a rosy flush that was slowly starting to spread. He held the back of Renji's head with one hand, the other halfway in his own mouth to shut himself up. It wasn't really working, and Renji flicked his eyes up to Ichigo's, sucking hard, going all the way down and swallowing, choking himself in the process. "Ohh, hahhhh..." Ichigo started to breathe hard, tilting his head back as Renji started to rub his saliva-coated thumb over his perineum and further down to poke inside of him and massage his rim.

Renji always seemed to know the _exact_ moment when enough was enough, because just as he was about to come, Renji pinned his hips down on both sides and withdrew with a hungry groan, licking his lips and wiping saliva from his chin. Ichigo sat up and grabbed his face, kissing him passionately, sighing as Renji lifted his legs and nudged himself in-between them. He wrapped his arms under Ichigo's back and pulled him to his body, laying down atop him.

"I think it's time to lay off the taiyaki, Renji," Ichigo wheezed.

"Hey now," Renji griped, but took his weight off of Ichigo slightly.

"Just kidding," Ichigo teased, grinning, "Get down here." He linked his arms behind Renji's neck, pulling him in. He bit at his shoulder and worked his way up to his ear, licking along the shell and teasing with his teeth. Renji moaned, eyes fluttering back as he staggered, arms nearly unable to hold him up above his lover's body. He could feel Ichigo's hand sliding down between them to get himself ready. Renji pulled back so he could watch. He knew Ichigo hated it when he watched him do stuff like that, but he just looked _so_ delicious when he did it.

Ichigo blushed, growling at him and covering his own face again as Renji lay down on his stomach, presumably to watch closer. "Do you have to- _Ahh, fuck._"

Renji stuck in two lube-coated fingers, along with his tongue, pressing his cheek into Ichigo's thigh. Ichigo's hand went slack and his stomach tightened, erection twitching. Ichigo didn't normally let him do this, complaining that it wasn't sanitary; Renji knew that the real reason was that Ichigo was aware of how loud he got when he did this. He took his sweet time opening Ichigo up, until he was good and ready.

"Quit fuckin' around and get inside," Ichigo moaned, turning over, pressing his chest to the mattress, rear in the air. Renji bit his lip and appreciated the view, squeezing his pert butt for a couple seconds, resisting the urge to lean in and bite him.

"Oi, turn over," Renji said, turning Ichigo back over. "Just lie back, baby, and I'll take care of everything."

"Yeah, yeah."

Renji smirked and tore open the condom, rolling the rubber cap over his length as he got closer to Ichigo. He put one hand next to his face to hold himself up, using the other to coat the outside of the condom with a liberal amount of lube, so much that it was dripping. He knew that the latex hurt Ichigo a lot, more than the stubborn idiot would admit.

"Ready?"

"I already said so, so _go_," Ichigo said, holding his own legs open. Renji scoffed and got closer, hulking over him as he lined himself up with one hand, moaning as he slipped the head in. Ichigo allowed him inside easily. Renji slid inside about half-way, at which point he staggered slightly, interrupting the smooth entry. Ichigo immediately tightened up involuntarily, hissing and seizing around Renji's cock so tightly that Renji bit his lip in pain.

"Ah, fuck," he growled. _"_Ah_-ah-_ ease back, holy fuck."

"Fucking shit, why are you so damn big?!" Ichigo shouted, gritting his teeth as Renji slid all the way in. He wasn't relaxing again, and Renji looked down with concern.

"Is it really that bad?"

"_Yes! _God-dammnit, aagh!" Ichigo groaned through gritted teeth, slamming his head back against the bed.

Renji hissed as Ichigo seized around him again with renewed tightness. "Gghk!" he choked, holding as still as possible. "I shoulda' known, we haven't done it in a while," he gasped out. He sat still, feeling the heartbeat pounding through his cock match up with the pulsating of Ichigo's passage. It was so tight that it was actually hurting _him_ too.

"I'm pulling out," Renji said on an exhale, moving back slightly, but Ichigo's cry of pain halted him.

"Don't move," Ichigo panted, head falling back, "Gimme' a sec'." Renji leaned down over him, kissing his neck and face in sympathy and guilt, whining slightly in apology. "Ow... ow-ow-ow... Hh- _Ow!"_ Ichigo said louder, hissing in pain, eyes glittering with moisture.

"I thought you were prepared enough," Renji said in woe, "You've gotta' tell me these things, Ichigo, _fuck. _I thought I got you ready."

"You did! God, you just- and I- shit," Ichigo grunted, voice wrenched with pain. "It's fine, just gimme' a sec'. It'll go away. Just gotta' relax." Renji held rock-still as Ichigo tried to do so, but he could feel the walls clenching and unclenching around him. His cock twitched and he held his breath tightly, as if by even _breathing_, it would cause Ichigo more pain. "Ahhh," Ichigo groaned aloud as he tightened up involuntarily once again. Renji cracked then.

"I'm fucking pulling out," he said.

"No!"

"Gah," Renji moaned in upset. Things didn't often go this badly. In fact, they hadn't since the both of them had lost their virginity together. Renji could only attribute this to how stressed out and twitchy Ichigo had been lately, making it impossible for him to fully relax. "What should I do? Are you bleeding? Fuck, what do I do?"

"Ngh, do _nothing, _got it? Hold fucking _still._"

"You're bleeding, aren't you?! I'm pulling out!"

"_No,_ don't move," Ichigo insisted. "Just wait a minute, I'll be fine. You're just stressing me out." Renji sighed, whining in despair, letting his head drop onto Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo wrapped an arm around him and held him there, grinding his teeth together as he willed himself to relax.

"This probably feels real good to you, huh?" Ichigo mumbled, blinking away the small bit of moisture that had gathered in his eyes. Renji replied in a grunt that for a while he'd thought his dick was being cut off.

Ichigo snorted a little, the breathy laughter stirring Renji's hair and hitting his earlobe. The pain that pounded through his sphincter with each heartbeat was becoming more bearable, and Renji's cock didn't feel like so much of an intrusion anymore. He snaked his hand down to his own cock after licking his palm, jerking himself back to hardness. Renji nuzzled Ichigo's neck slightly, kissing and nosing at the skin, murmuring apologies that were largely ignored. After about a minute and a half, Renji sighed in relief, since Ichigo's muscles no longer were trying to crush the hell out of him.

"So much for not being sore. I'm sore already," Ichigo sighed with malcontent. Renji kissed his ear.

"I didn't mean to, babe."

"Whatever, just be gentle now. I think you broke something," Ichigo grumbled. Normally Renji would've said something challenging like 'what, you can't take it?', but he already felt like enough of a jerk for one day.

"If it gets bad, _say something_," Renji demanded, but Ichigo ignored him, hooking his legs up around his waist very gingerly. He dug his fingers into Renji's ass, both of his heels pressing into the muscle there to pull Renji's hips forwards the small amount they'd retreated. Renji grunted and leaned down to kiss Ichigo, his resistance lasting for all of two seconds.

"Y-you big moron," Ichigo gasped, gritting his teeth at the persistent but lessened pain of the stretching as Renji moved slowly inside him, rolling his hips leisurely. The lubrication allowed for easy movement, but of course, there was still some pain. If only Renji hadn't caught Ichigo off guard, then everything would've been fine. Renji was always messing things up like that; shit, he was awful. Ichigo shouldn't even put up with him. What had he done to deserve someone so wonderful and forgiving?

He grabbed Ichigo's hands and laced their fingers together, kissing him on his face. "I love you. I know I've been upsettin' you lately, and things have been real difficult," Ichigo mumbled something like 'tell me about it', groaning as the large girth moving inside him started to draw pleasure along with the aching, "and I'm sorry, I really am. But I _love_ you, alright? Just remember that, and we'll get through this. I promise we'll make it."

"You don't need to tell me something I already know," Ichigo said as calmly as he could with a dick inside him. "Quit trying to talk to me when I'm trying to have an orgasm."

"You fucking suck!" Renji grinned, lifting Ichigo's hips up so he could move deeper, which caused Ichigo to hiss for a moment. "Ah fuck, it's still really tight, do you want me ta' stop? This can't feel good ta' you."

"Just go slower, it still hurts," Ichigo gasped in pain. Renji changed angles to try to find a more comfortable spot, rolling his hips slow and deep. Immediately, Ichigo responded, an intense heat radiating from within him as he relaxed all at once, then tightening again, but in a different way - in that way that was a rolling wave action rather than an all-out clenching. That was the reaction Ichigo had to _pleasure._ "Ohh, that's- Yeah_." _Renji did it again, very slowly, pressing in as far as he could and then even further.

He could tell right when he hit Ichigo's sweet spot, because his whole body would shudder and spasm from the pleasure each time he thrust. "_Ah_, oh god," Ichigo panted, moaning loudly, still obviously in some pain, but beginning to forget about it. "Harder, just a little harder, _nggh__._" He grit his teeth, screwing his eyes shut, before his body twitched at the intense euphoria caused by the deep pounding of Renji's hips.

When he regained ability to speak, he slid his hand to the back of Renji's head, pulling him down to kiss him. "What are you fuckin' talkin' about, things being difficult," he mumbled. "You think I'm gonna' leave you?... How could I ever leave you," he muttered fondly, stroking his face, "What do you have to be scared about, you big idiot?"

Renji didn't answer, horrified that his throat was going tight with emotion, because suddenly the thought of losing this was far too much for him to bear. How much he wanted to believe Ichigo's words were true, but the thing was, they were only true in this moment and _not_ forever. He knew better than anybody that this wouldn't last and that Ichigo's patience would wear thin. Renji had a finite amount of time left.

He knew he had to prepare, but he didn't know how he could do so. If this was the last time they'd ever make love, how could he go on? How would he survive, never hearing words like that again? How would he live without someone to encourage him and build him up and tell him how good he was through hitting and kicking and swearing? Who would he turn to? He had _nothing_ without Ichigo. He had no family, no home to go back to – Ichigo had given him everything that this unwanted stray dog had never had. Love, and a home, and a _chance, _and a caring family with two beautiful girls and a dopey father. What would he do if he lost Ichigo? How much time did he have left?

Renji grit his teeth, rolling his hips more slowly and passionately, giving Ichigo shivers at the long deep contact to his prostate. He looked so goddamn beautiful right then, splayed out beneath him with that look on his face; good _god,_ Renji loved him. Leaning down, he kissed Ichigo with everything he had, pulling out so he could lay Ichigo on his side and press himself behind him.

"You comfy?" Ichigo nodded a couple of times, out of breath and flushed in the face from exertion. "Ah, geez, I'm sticking to the sheets," Renji said, snickering a little, peeling them off his sweaty back.

Renji could practically hear Ichigo's heartbeat, strong and aroused, running through his whole body. He kissed his way up Ichigo's arm, tasting salt, ending at his knuckles as he wrapped his tattooed arm around Ichigo's chest.

"Love you," he mumbled, tipping his forehead onto Ichigo's sweaty hair, enjoying the thick heated smell mixed with a little bit of fruity-mint conditioner. It smelled like Ichigo's pillow; one of those _home_ smells. "I love you so much," he tried to say, but his voice felt strangled by emotion, his throat hurting, and the words came out harshly. He rubbed his thumb over Ichigo's stomach, listening to the sound of his breathing and the pounding drum of his own heart for a few moments. "I love you," he choked out, trying his hardest not to fucking cry as he held Ichigo as tight as he dared, like he could keep him forever if he held him close in this one moment. Right then, 'I love you' meant 'don't ever leave me, _please.'_

Ichigo was quiet for a moment, lacing his fingers with Renji's big hand. "I love you too," he whispered, as if he understood the real message and was answering, 'I'm here.' Renji kissed the back of his neck, pulling them skin to skin. He relaxed at the words, since Ichigo hardly ever said it straight like that.

Renji nudged Ichigo's top leg up, getting into position behind him. He broke their handhold for a moment to rub some more lube on the plastic of the condom and to stroke Ichigo with the oil a couple of times, just to enjoy the noises he made.

He slipped back inside slowly, knowing Ichigo's entrance was very sore. Ichigo was quiet and tense for a moment, until Renji slid all the way back in, and then they both were free to enjoy the new angle and the way their bodies fit together, skin to skin. "Mmm, I missed this… You feel so good this close," Renji whispered in Ichigo's ear, moving down to suck on his neck, relishing the salty taste of Ichigo's sweat-pinpricked skin.

Ichigo grit his teeth at the shivery sensation, rolling his hips back to force Renji in deeper, heat pouring from his arousal. "_Ahnn_, Renji."

Ichigo laughed a little breathlessly, feeling Renji twitch inside of him at the sound of his name – it had to be insanely arousing, because Renji moaned a little, growling at him with a laugh. "I'm so damn lucky," he whispered, rolling his hips slowly, eventually speeding up as Ichigo began to pant and whine, jacking himself off in desperation to let some of the pressure out.

Renji held Ichigo's leg in the air, enjoying his boyfriend's loud moaning as a smacking sound filled the room. "Yeah, you're lucky I don't brain you. Go harder," Ichigo panted, back sticking to Renji's sweaty chest. "But careful!" Renji licked his shoulder, biting a little; he knotted his fingers tightly in Ichigo's hair, pulling at the sensitive scalp as he thrust harder to meet Ichigo's desire. Ichigo began shivering violently, going slack as he lay there and took it. "Renji, ohhhh."

"Nnn-hhhh." Renji bit his lip, screwing his eyes shut. He was a bit embarrassed that his stamina had regressed over that sex-drought, because he was already about to come, as much as he wished that they could go longer. Then again, Ichigo's ass probably didn't need any more abuse.

He thrust sharply to fit his need, going hard enough to make Ichigo make a strangled whimpering noise. "Clench up," he whispered, gasping when his orgasm hit as soon as Ichigo did what he asked. Renji's toes curled as he came, holding Ichigo's hips onto his, the condom becoming unpleasantly wet and sticky. He moaned loudly as Ichigo pulled his hair just the way he liked it, leaving him shaky in the knees.

Panting, he pulled out and peeled the messy condom off, chucking it in the trashcan. Ichigo lay waiting for him, moaning with a laugh when Renji turned him onto his stomach and squeezed his ass, licking around his sore entrance with his tongue and soothing what he found to be a small split that was no longer bleeding.

"Turn over." Ichigo flopped onto his back, hardly any energy left.

Renji pulled his hair back with one hand and sucked Ichigo off with everything he had, bobbing his head like he fucking meant it. "Ahh, god," Ichigo gasped, digging his nails into his boyfriend's scalp."Renji," he moaned as he came.

He blushed, moaning and shivering as Renji swallowed his bitter-tasting cum, maintaining eye-contact through his orgasm. Ichigo then went limp, panting on the sweaty sheets. Renji could see a very small red spot between Ichigo's legs, and wanted to ask him if he wanted ice for that, but he found he couldn't breathe enough to speak, still gasping for air.

Renji settled for crawling to him on shaking legs, picking him up and carrying him to the shower. They sat on the floor in the water, and Ichigo rested asleep against Renji's chest, head tucked into the hollow under Renji's chin. Renji held him in his lap, which was awkward, since Ichigo was pretty much just as tall as him, all long limbs and lean figure. He let Ichigo's back lay against his chest and reached his hand down between Ichigo's legs, searching carefully for his entrance. He rubbed slightly with his wet fingers, hearing a slight hiss from Ichigo, who didn't resist other than grabbing his wrist for a moment. Ichigo then lay his head back down when Renji moved with a renewed gentleness, washing the area. He quickly fell asleep, leaving Renji to finish up.

Carefully, he turned the shower off and picked Ichigo up, not wanting to disturb him and that peaceful look he had on his face. Toweling him off and hefting him back into his arms, he ignored Ichigo's soft mumbles and efforts to fall back asleep, and brought him to bed, where he laid him down and covered him under the blankets.

Renji smiled when the orange-head's eyes blinked a little, just _barely _awake, and then Ichigo cuddled up to him, falling back asleep almost right away with the most peaceful and content sigh he'd ever heard.

Renji held him close to him, his hand cradling his head, one thigh tossed over Ichigo's hip. Ichigo made a short humming noise, but didn't move again, his breathing remaining deep. God, was he beautiful when his face relaxed like that. He looked ten years younger. Renji traced a finger along his cheek, and a muscle in his jaw twitched beneath it slightly. Renji's mouth quirked in a smile.

This was what he couldn't bear to lose. He'd like his life to stay this way forever – him and Ichigo here together, as a team, as a family. Renji would be content to be Ichigo's life-long partner if it came to it. Maybe someday Ichigo would like to move into a real house with him. Maybe Ichigo would still be with him in ten years. At least Renji could dream that things would last that long.

Ichigo adjusted his head on his chest, mumbling quietly.

Renji smiled at the cheesy thought that had suddenly popped into his head, knowing Ichigo would kick his ass if he sang that Beatles' song about strawberries near him.

_'That's what heaven would be like', if I had a say,'_ he thought tiredly, petting Ichigo's wet hair clumsily as his eyes began to droop. The two of them lying in a strawberry patch out in the open air with a big blue sky, eating sweet sun-warmed fruit until their teeth were red, that would be paradise.

Hopefully their vacation would fix all the trouble they'd been suffering through. They'd never kissed on a rollercoaster before, but that might result in red teeth too -_ bloody_ teeth - so maybe Renji wouldn't try that.

As afraid as he was about losing Ichigo or screwing things up, Ichigo hadn't said he'd loved him in a while, and hearing it again tonight reassured and relieved Renji greatly. Things weren't in as bad of shape as he'd thought.

He grinned as he fell asleep, feeling warm all over.

* * *

Yumichika awoke suddenly in the night, sitting bolt upright as he heard a sound of smashing glass from outside Ikkaku's room.

He listened hard for any footsteps or slamming doors, but his ears were met with an oppressive silence. His heart pounded wildly as he clutched Haruki to him. That had definitely happened in _their kitchen._

He started to get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, becoming extremely frightened, wondering if the bedroom had a lock on the door. Peeking up over the edge of Ikkaku's bed, he squinted, trying to see if it could've been Ikkaku up and about at three a.m., breaking shit in the dark.

But no, Ikkaku was still there in bed, sleeping peacefully, with a hand up his shirt, touching his chest, and mouth agape. Yumichika got up quietly, letting Haruki hide under the bed while he slowly put his weight on the mattress. Creeping in next to Ikkaku, he nudged him a little, trying to rouse him.

"Ikkaku," he hissed, rubbing his finger up and down the bridge of his nose and then flicking his eyelashes. Ikkaku twitched and jerked awake with a grunt, wiping his eyes.

"Hm? Whuzza' matter?" Ikkaku asked sleepily, not fully lucid, "Ya' cold? Here sweethear', thurs' plenty a' room, dunnbe' shy," he mumbled in a thick street accent, then dropping into Japanese slang without even seeming to realize it. He was drifting off again, until Yumichika shook him once more. Ikkaku then sat up, "Wha'? Oh, c'mere, get in," he offered drowsily, holding up the blankets for Yumichika to get under, tightening an arm around the smaller man's waist like a python trying to choke its prey.

"Ikkaku, someone's in the house," Yumichika whispered urgently, hands trembling. Ikkaku's eyes opened wide.

"What?"

"I heard something shatter," Yumichika tried to explain, not wanting Ikkaku to look at him with that shocked, slightly _disbelieving_ look, "Glass breaking."

"It could've been the neighbors. Some'a' them work night-shifts."

"No, it was close by." Ikkaku sat up, listening to the dead silence for a full thirty seconds before he got up.

"You stay right here," he whispered, going to his closet, pulling out a long case of polished black wood, which he set on the bed. Yumichika thought maybe it was a shot-gun, but when it was opened, it revealed a sword. Who the hell had swords these days? And what good would that do against a robber that might have a pistol?

Ikkaku took it in hand and padded silently to the door, opening it without a sound. He looked out, listening to the quiet, before he shut it again and turned to look at Yumichika with a somber expression. "I mean it, you stay in here," he whispered, making sure Yumichika understood before sliding the door open. Yumichika sat on the bed, watching him with wide eyes as he crept down the hallway in a battle-ready manner.

After a few minutes alone in the dark, Ikkaku came back in and put his sword away. "There's no one. The window's open, but no one coulda' come in cuz' we're three floors up. An' the door's locked too. But you're right about a glass bein' broke. It prob'ly just fell from the cabinet. Maybe one'a'tha' neighbor's slammed the door, and it fell by itself. I'll clean it later." Ikkaku climbed back over the bed with a yawn.

Suddenly there came a loud crashing sound and some frantic screaming, causing Yumichika to 'eep' and cling to Ikkaku's chest, freezing solid.

"Tha' hell'zat?" Ikkaku asked aloud, getting up _again_ and listening, before padding down the hallway, hopping over the covered-couch and going to the front door. "Freakin' again?" Yumichika followed silently, to watch.

After listening a few more seconds, Ikkaku opened the door. "Hey, what tha' hell'r'ya' doin'?"

Yumichika could see a woman with smeared makeup and her dress hanging off her body – presumably _she_ was the person who'd been screaming. A man had his hand in a fist around her forearm, and her purse was on the ground.

"Ay', she _sed'_ she got mugged, she's nah' cheatin', you idiot. Just leave 'er alone," Ikkaku shouted much too loudly, still half asleep. He probably wasn't waking up anyone, due to the fact that the screaming had most likely woken them up first.

"Hey, mind your own business man, we're walkin' 'ere."

"Yer' screamin' yer' heads off here in fronta' my door, it _is_ my business. This'z my neighbor gettin' harassed by tha' sorry likesa' you while she's sloshed. Who'z'gunna' water my plants if ya' kill 'er, you dick?"

"You wanna' fight?"

"I _wanna'_ fuckin' sleep," Ikkaku sneered, getting in the guy's face, cracking his knuckles with dark eyes, "So you _go_, er' I'm callin' tha' police on yer' ass for disrupting the sleep of everyone in the goddamn building. Yumi', why' don'tcha' go call 'em," he said in the same tone, without turning around, which made Yumichika have to double-take if he was actually speaking to him.

"Hey, nah, nah, f'get this." The guy backed off and left, and the girl scrambled away, fumbling to get her keys out to get inside her apartment.

"Night, Kaeri," Ikkaku said sleepily, scratching the back of his neck. Presumably the girls name was actually Carly, judging from the way Ikkaku's accent was currently warping his speech.

"Night," she said hurriedly, shaking all over. Yumichika looked at her with sleepy eyes, offering a small smile. Ikkaku kicked the door shut and walked back past Yumichika into the kitchen to sweep up the glass and mop up some water.

"Fuck, third time's the charm, huh?" he grouched to himself.

Yumichika blinked. Ikkaku was right – he'd gotten into some sort of public altercation three days in a row now. It was pick-on-Madarame week or something. Maybe he was just a magnet for those kinds of things, because Ikkaku wasn't really one to keep his head down and ignore it when things were going on in front of his face. He was one to thrive within conflict.

Yumichika's heart slowed as Ikkaku squatted on the tile and chucked the pieces into the trash can, shutting the cabinet door. "This happens often?"

"Very often. Usually I don't have to threaten him. Go on back to bed, sweetheart." Yumichika crept back down the hallway, sitting on the floor in the dark for a few minutes as he listened to Ikkaku alternate between cussing and singing sleepily as he cleaned up the glass with a broom and wiped up some water with a dishrag, throwing it in the sink.

When he came back in the bedroom, he shut the door with a yawn, and got back under the covers, looking over the edge of the bed when he realized Yumichika wasn't on the mattress with him. "Whatcha' doin' down there," he said with a yawn. "Ya' scared? Ya' look pale," he mumbled, settling down with a sleepy moan of release, sinking into the bed.

Yumichika didn't respond because he didn't want to admit how much that all had frightened him. Everything was scarier at night. "You can sleep up here, don't be shy," Ikkaku whispered, sounding more like his awake self, fluffing his pillow and getting comfortable. "Sorry for getting so loud. I didn't scare ya' did I? I didn't mean to, babe, I just wanted ta' scare that jerk away. Come here, come next ta' me." He yawned again, gesturing for him to get in bed with him.

Ikkaku was treating it like it wasn't a big deal to get in bed with him, so maybe it _wasn't _really that big of a deal. Maybe just for tonight, since he felt so shaken up...

Yumichika nodded hesitantly, lying down under the blankets straight as a board, stiffly pressing his face to the mattress. "Oi, don't lay so far away. You'll be cold. C'mere."

He scootched in a little bit, apparently enough so that Ikkaku could reach him, because he grabbed his arm and pulled him across the bed to lie next to him on a heated part of the mattress. "There, that's better," Ikkaku sighed, withdrawing and keeping his hands to himself.

For some reason, that made him feel a little safer, so Yumichika wormed in just a little closer and hesitantly curled his fingers around a portion of Ikkaku's t-shirt. Ikkaku jerked violently, tensing up, and Yumichika released him immediately, but Ikkaku relaxed just as quickly, replacing Yumichika's hand manually. "Sorry, you surprised me." Yumichika nodded, although it was too dark to really see.

Kaa would never sleep in a bed with him. He'd either be out late, go sleep somewhere else after they'd had sex, or just plain sleep in a separate bed. The closest they'd come would be falling asleep watching television, but _never _in bed... This was sort of nice.

Eventually, a muscled arm wormed around his back and pulled him in, gently stroking his hair. He must have been shaking, because Ikkaku whispered some reassuring words. "I could hear ya' havin' nightmares earlier… I won't let anything happen, okay?… Won't let nobody hurt ya'… Nothing ta' worry about, babe…" he whispered sleepily.

Yumichika relaxed. Even if someone _had_ broken in, Ikkaku could take care of him. If Kaa really was after him, Ikkaku would protect him. There was nothing to worry about, except maybe liking this embrace a lot more than he should.

When Kaa held him, there was always some motivation behind it – Ikkaku just wanted to hold him for the sake if it, and that was a little thrilling to Yumichika. This was really nice.

He could feel Ikkaku's face press into his hair, not in a kiss, but in a tight hug of some kind. Ikkaku's strong chest slowly started to even out in breathing. "Yasumi," he mumbled.

"Oyasumi-nasai." Yumichika closed his eyes, sighing peacefully.

* * *

Ichigo woke up with his head on a muscular torso and with a hand running absently through his hair. He swallowed, blinked, and smiled a tiny bit as he looked up and saw Renji reading a textbook with his reading glasses on.

There was soft music playing, and Renji flipped a page quietly, sitting around naked. Ichigo couldn't so much _hear _Renji humming as he could _feel_ it through his big chest vibrating against his face.

He smiled, blinking sleepily, dozing for a few minutes before putting his arm around Renji's waist and snuggling closer. "Mornin', sexy."

Renji coughed awkwardly, looking down with a strained smile. Ichigo smiled. The big lug always teased him with terms of affection, but when he turned the tables, he always got like this. Renji didn't know how to take compliments and it was fucking hilarious. "I didn't see ya' were awake."

"Don't lemme' bother you. Keep workin'." Ichigo settled in next to him, forehead pressed to his side as he trailed his fingers soothingly over Renji's stomach tattoos. "Want me ta' make you breakfast?"

"Uh," Renji mumbled, already caught back up in studying. "Yeah. That's real nice, thank you." Ichigo tried to get up, but the moment he did, he found that he had to sit back down for a moment.

"Owww," he moaned pitifully, scrabbling between his legs. He flopped back onto Renji, who gave him and his pathetic face a kiss.

"Sorry."

Ichigo just groaned and stood up shakily, shuffling to the kitchen whilst trying to compensate for his limp. Renji still noticed, even though Ichigo was trying to hide it.

Ichigo made him some cereal with fruit in it, while ass-naked. "You're the best, baby... Feed me the first bite, Mee-do-chan."

Ichigo scowled at him, but conceded to lift the spoon to his mouth, threatening him with bodily harm if he ever _dared_ set foot in a maid café. Renji growled at him, grinning widely after taking a bite. "Vey don't have vove here anyway," Renji said with a mouthful of cereal, taking the bowl from Ichigo and setting it carefully next to him. He then sighed and shuffled some papers, writing something down.

"Don't study now, it's so early," Ichigo whined, trying to pull him out of bed to the shower.

"It's ten," Renji said blandly, looking at the clock.

"Much too early," Ichigo yawned. Oh yeah. Night school. His lover was turning nocturnal right before his eyes. "C'mon, you totally owe me. I think you really broke my asshole this time."

"Alright, okay, I'm goin'." Renji got up with an audible creak from his back and stretched his legs out. As he walked to the bathroom, he noticed an open suitcase. "Oh, you _did _pack some... This is gonna' be the first vacation we can't have sex on, this _blows._"

"It's our first vacation, _period_, you dolt. And no way are we sneaking sex anywhere near our friends, so don't even get the idea in your head. Just because we're not with my family doesn't mean you have a chance of getting action. We're going to relax and have fun."

"I'm sure the hotel has a pool," Renji said with a wave of his hand.

"No pool-sex, Renji."

"No, I meant we could sneak in the-"

"No locker-room sex, Renji."

"No, I _meant_-"

_"No shower-sex, Renji," _Ichigo raised his voice, shouting right in Renji's ear.

"Aw, c'mon, ya' act like I'm such a pervert," Renji pouted. Ichigo grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the bathroom.

"Stop sulking and I'll give you a handjob." Renji immediately grinned and nabbed him by his naked waist, pulling him back into his chest.

"I'll settle for a kiss," he crooned, worming Ichigo around so he could fully enjoy the skin-on-skin feeling. Ichigo tilted his head up to meet Renji's lips. "Can't we mess around just a _little_ bit?"

"Right now, yeah, but not on vacation. They'll never let us live it down if we're caught."

"We never get caught," Renji whined.

"_We've gotten caught!"_ Ichigo shouted with a blush. Renji tried to pout, but the memory of the incident had him fighting a smile off his face. "Wipe that smirk off your face, or I'm locking you out of here."

"Aw babe, c'mon. I just wanna' fuck you in a hotel!"

"Some other time."

"Promise?"

Ichigo snorted and shoved Renji hard out of the bathroom. Renji laughed and came back in, kissing his neck once and then getting to business.

The tension diffused immediately, as it always did when it came to their non-serious arguing. After all, Renji didn't really mean it when he said he wanted to do it on their vacation; he was just trying to tease Ichigo a little because he felt bad about hurting him last night.

Ichigo started brushing his teeth, ignoring him, so Renji took the opportunity to bend Ichigo over the sink slightly and pry his butt-cheeks apart to take a look at the damage. Yep, there was a scab. Renji winced and kissed his fingers, then pressing them right there. Ichigo jerked around and elbowed him hard, looking indignant. "M' _fime_," he insisted with his mouth full of toothpaste foam. Renji shrugged and then reached around Ichigo to grab his comb, running it through the ends of his hair and pinning Ichigo against the sink with his body.

Ichigo stared at him flatly through the mirror, probably mildly irritated about the fact that Renji's cock was now wedged between his butt-cheeks, but he didn't say anything. He just sighed while rolling his eyes nearly out of his head.

Renji kissed the back of his neck, smiling softly as he traced a lock of his own hair over Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo spat in the sink, trying to push Renji back with his foot, but only succeeding in getting trapped in a hug. Oh, Renji loved this, this feeling of soft warm skin touching him from head to toes. He leaned around him to press their faces together and look at them in the mirror. Ichigo's cheek was pressed against his, and he looked a little grumpy, but goddamn, still really cute, like he always was in the morning. "Hey, Ichigooo," he said in a lilting shit-eating tone, wiggling his hips against Ichigo's ass a little.

"If you say anything about the sun, sunshine, or the 'you are my sunshine' song, I will rip something vital off of you."

"Well, fuck," Renji replied with a laugh, snatching his own toothbrush and letting him go. Ichigo turned on the shower water and sat down very carefully on the toilet lid, stretching his arm out into the water to test the temperature.

"Oi," Ichigo said lowly, "You know I'm just kidding." Ichigo looked at him with a flat face, hiding concern, even though he hadn't stated that in a question form. Renji smiled back.

"Che', yeah. No feelings hurt or nothin'."

"Mmng," Ichigo mumbled, "Yeah... but I know shit gets to you and you don't speak up… Mn, just forget it," he said, not liking the sappy sound of where that thread of thought was going.

"Someone's sentimental this morning," he said while brushing his teeth. "That almost sounded like an _apology."_ Ichigo threw a bar of soap at him and hit him in the leg, causing him to laugh enough that he almost choked on toothpaste froth.

"Just get in here and I'll show you how sorry I am." Renji's eyes popped open and he nearly tripped over himself as he shoved his toothbrush and comb in the sink, jumping in their shower to grab that slippery, soapy body.

* * *

Ikkaku yawned, rolling out of bed when he saw that Yumichika had already gotten up, probably to save them from any awkwardness of 'the morning after'. He could already imagine it.

They'd sit there awkwardly and one of them would wonder aloud if they'd had sex last night and whether one of them should be making breakfast like in the movies. However, he wasn't quite able to imagine an accurate Yumichika, and soon was looking around curiously for the real one.

Where _was _the pretty boy?

Suddenly, he heard a screech from the bathroom. _'The hell is that?'_ he thought, scratching his stomach through his t-shirt, moving over there and knocking on the door.

"What the hell, Yumichika?" he said through the door, hearing the shower running. "Did you fall in the toilet or something? Shark in the bathtub?"

"I forgot _all _my beauty products! How could I forget?! I can't even go outside to get them like this without my face on! What am I going to do? This is a _tragedy!_"

Ikkaku frowned for a minute, failing to see what was causing the tragedy he spoke of. Maybe he'd better check on him in case he'd hit his head and was just talking blabber-nonsense due to delirium. "Are you decent?"

_"No!_ Did you even hear me? I'm a _disaster._"

"I mean, do you have your clothes on?"

"Yes," Yumichika said sarcastically. "They do little for my face though. I'm literally going to die, oh my god, how could I forget?!"

"The fuck are you doing in there?" Ikkaku wondered, smiling crookedly. This was kind of funny to listen to.

"Weeping hysterically."

"Open the door," Ikkaku said exasperatedly, deciding to just crack it open when Yumichika kept refusing n the grounds that his face was too ugly to be seen. "I'm coming in," he warned him, giving him a chance to grab a towel if he had been lying about having clothes on.

"No!" Yumichika tried to shove the door shut again, but Ikkaku wormed his arm into the gap, even though he was getting crushed. "Get out! You can't see me!"

Ikkaku stuck his foot in at the bottom and pushed the door open steadily to avoid slamming Yumichika into the wall. "I'm sure you look fine... _Oh shit_," he then said, recoiling slightly, halfway genuinely shocked, halfway just trying to tease him.

Yumichika apparently bought it, because he dropped into a squat in embarrassment, moaning in misery and hiding his face in his hands. His hair was a little messy and there were some purple circles under his eyes from waking up in the night, but there seriously wasn't a flaw on his face anywhere.

Now that Ikkaku was scrutinizing him for even the smallest bit of acne, he noticed how big and glowing Yumichika's eyes were. Violet; what a nice color, and with such long eyelashes. His skin was an opaque cream color, and his hair was shiny but messy, sticking up in odd places, his part out of line.

"You look..." Ikkaku began, nose wrinkling up and brow scrunching, "... so fucking _cute." _What the fuck? How the hell had he snagged such an adorable boyfriend?

"Shut your lying mouth, you imbecile! How could you let me leave my apartment without _anything?!_ This is your fault!" Yumichika punched his shin, wailing in distress. "You don't even have any conditioner. Or any combs!"

"Why _would_ I?" Ikkaku pointed to his head. "The hell, do you think I comb the carpet?" He glanced down at the crappy beige carpeting in the hallway.

Yumichika just whined into his knees until Ikkaku made him stand up and look at him. "Stop putting your hands over your face. You look fine." Yumichika began stomping his feet like he was throwing a tantrum, whine-screaming as he clenched his hands over his face. "What's the matter with you, you idiot?" Ikkaku started laughing and tried to hug him, which made Yumichika go stiff from confusion.

"You're so fucking stupid," Ikkaku said with a happy sigh, holding him.

"Why are you smiling then?" Yumichika asked curiously, cautiously looking up. Holy _fuck_, was he beautiful.

"Cause'… I don't know why." Ikkaku didn't know how to explain the surge of affection he felt. He couldn't just be like bam, 'it's cause I love you and your fucking whining, you stupid prissy fucker.'

"Don't wear makeup ever again. Just be like this all the time," Ikkaku said. Yumichika looked like he'd just had a scorpion thrown in his face. "Okay, okay. Look, can't you wash your hair with bodywash? That's supposed ta' be like soap, isn't it? That's in there, see?" Ikkaku nudged the shower curtain aside, showing him the bottle.

"Soap isn't the same as shampoo. Besides, I don't want to smell like _you," _Yumichika said with that snobby attitude that he loved so much.

"What, are you tellin' me I smell bad?" Ikkaku cautiously tested his underarm – he just sort of smelled like paint.

"No. It's just something I've always avoided in relationships."

"Smelling like your boyfriend?" Ikkaku said incredulously. "You've got some weird notions, Yumichika. What, did they try to rub their armpits on you or something? C'mere," he joked, lifting his arm up and towing Yumichika closer by the arm.

Yumichika's reaction was priceless, his expression one of terror, disgust, and surprise. Fucking hilarious. "No!" he shrieked, "You're probably sweaty!" Ikkaku let him go and they both began laughing. Yumichika beat Ikkaku on the chest a few times, shoving him away from him.

"Hey, I'm not sweaty. Only my feet sweat. That's why I don't wear socks. If I did, I'd probably lose my gym membership," Ikkaku said with a snicker. Yumichika raised an eyebrow with an amused smile. "So what's that about not wanting ta' use my soap? Ya' don't wanna' smell like yer' squeeze? C'mon, squeeze me, life handed you a lemon." Ikkaku held his arms open for a hug, but Yumichika just grimaced at him.

"Stupid," Yumichika mumbled with this dumb-ass grin on his face, almost forgetting about his problem of having none of his beauty products. It was strange. He felt really good all of a sudden, even with a naked face and fucked-up hair; Ikkaku was looking at him with gleaming eyes, like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

It wasn't even just that he was looking at his face either. Ikkaku was smiling like he _liked _him, the _real _him who was on the inside. That was so different, so different from what Yumichika was used to. Yumichika was used to Kaa telling him he was letting himself go if he went a day without wearing false eyelashes, and here Ikkaku was telling him he liked him better when he looked like a hot mess.

Yumichika looked down at his toes, smiling, curling a stray lock of hair behind his ear. "You're right. You're probably better off with your own smell," Ikkaku muttered after a quiet moment. "Well look, comb your hair with your fingers, and brush your- Wait, did you even forget your toothbrush?"

Yumichika nodded with a grimace. "I was still a little messed up from yesterday when I was packing. I must've been more rattled than I thought to have forgotten all my things."

Ikkaku pondered that for a moment, drumming his fingers on his lips, trying to think of a way he could help. "Okay, look, I have to get ready ta' go ta' my neice's baptism today."

"Yes?"

"So, I gotta' shower and get dressed n' shit and then leave, but once I do, you can make yourself pretty with whatever I've got in here," he gestured to his medicine cabinet, "and then if you wanna' drive yerself' back ta' yer' house or to tha' store to get some stuff, go ahead." Then he looked at Yumichika seriously, "If there's any trouble, you call me, and I'll be there."

Yumichika nodded. Ikkaku nodded too, satisfied. "Then if ya' have time left over, I'd like you to come over to the church, but you don't have to. I'd just like you to meet someone. Kenpachi. I think he'll like you." Yumichika nodded again, but more hesitantly. "I'll write down the address."

"Kenpachi?" Yumichika said cautiously. He felt that this was going a little fast. Was he already being introduced to family?

"My niece's… well… he's not her _dad_, but he takes care a' her," Ikkaku explained somewhat awkwardly. "We're not brothers, but his kid's still my little niece. You get it, blood but not blood?" Yumichika nodded his understanding. "Anyway, me and him go way back. I haven't seen him in a while, actually, but... he's in a jam right now," Ikkaku said uncomfortably, scratching at his side. "So, anyways, he's only taking her to get baptized because the church has this program for the needy – and she an' Kenpachi _are_ needy - but they'll only help you if you're a church member, or something. It should be funny though, so you should stop by. You can leave yer' cat here, I don't mind if she scratches shit up, since I'm remodeling anyway."

"Alright. You can have the shower then," Yumichika said mournfully, looking in the mirror, trying to fix his hair with an exasperated sigh. "You know, if I'd had it my way, we would've known each other a lot longer before all of this. No seeing the other's house or family for a long time, and _definitely_ not seeing each other first thing in the morning. My goodness, what would my parents say?"

"You said that already," Ikkaku grouched, "an' we're _not_ complete strangers. We've got all the same friends."

Yumichika smiled as Ikkaku absently took grabbed his toothbrush, intending to brush his teeth while in the shower to save time. "True. I've actually known Renji even longer than Ichigo has. We were next-door neighbors and we went to high school together."

"No, you couldn't have," Ikkaku said. "You couldn't have, cause _I_ went ta' high school with them."

"What?" Yumichika turned around and looked at him incredulously. "Are you telling me that we somehow missed each other for all of secondary school and three years of college, with six mutual friends?"

"Hey, I always been lucky. Just isn't always good luck. Still that's a fucking crazy string of coincidences."

"Yes, strange," Yumichika mused. Ikkaku was about to shuck off his boxers and take off his shirt, forgetting what he was doing until Yumichika beat him with a towel.

"You could at _least_ tell me to leave, you, you-"

"Hey, I didn't think you were gonna' look," Ikkaku said, although he was beginning to flush, embarrassed that he'd really let his guard down that much.

"Oh, fine excuse."

"Ah hush, you prissy vain-ass diva. Look at you, freakin' out 'cause you forgot your mascara."

"_That's _hitting below the belt! Since we're being _honest_," Yumichika jabbed, "_y__ou _eat like a barbarian on the brink of starvation that had both of his hands cut off!"

Ikkaku, at that point, just grabbed him and noogied him, pretending he was going to drag him under the stream of water going in the shower. "Heh. Where've you been, you perfect piece of shit."

"Ditto, you uncultured lout."

Ikkaku held him by the forearms, staring at him for a moment. "Wow, you're so great," Ikkaku said suddenly, expression melting.

Yumichika looked back at him with a shocked expression, stunned by the quick change of demeanor. Then he looked back at him for a couple of seconds, before saying, "brush your teeth," unable to come up with anything better.

"Ah, alright, alright." Ikkaku waved him off, grinning. "Ya' better get out of here before you go blind from seein' my ass."

"I didn't go blind from seeing the sun glint off your head."

"OH, YOU ARE GONNA' GET IT."

Yumichika just laughed and raced out of the bathroom before Ikkaku could grab him. He felt great, freely happy, not a worry in the world.

He didn't even care that he hadn't combed his hair or used mouthwash. He didn't care that he didn't have any concealer or razors or _soap_; he felt really beautiful all of a sudden, like he could go to the store as is, completely care-free. He didn't have to impress Kaa anymore, or constantly reach for his approval.

Everything was out where it could be plainly seen.

This just felt so good. It felt like freedom.


	12. Chapter 12

"GAH!"

Renji awoke in a clammy sweat, face wet with tears and snot, chest heaving. After a few dazed seconds of shuddery weeping and gasping, he began to calm down, vaguely recognizing that he could hear Ichigo somewhere out in the front room, moving around.

There was music playing softly from the radio on the nightstand, which helped slow Renji's heart slightly. He merely rolled over, putting his face in his hands, pressing his hips down into the mattress. He felt sick. He'd gotten hard from a nightmare. Sure, he hadn't been able to control it, but he still felt dirty and wrong about it.

He gave a dry sob, sniffling, snaking his hand down into his boxers to squeeze the hell out of his crotch, trying to kill his erection.

A woman's soft voice caressed his ears, the music slowly helping the muscles in his back relax. Renji's face screwed up, and he bit his lips. He and Ichigo had made love to this song before, _fuck._

What an awful dream he'd had. Through some strange circumstances, he'd found out Ichigo had been cheating on him and had hired someone to get hard proof. Well, he'd gotten his proof all right, in the form of full-color high-res photographs, taken at such high speed that as he'd flipped through them, it was a stop-action film of Ichigo getting fucked.

'_Please,'_ he'd remembered saying to Ichigo, who had suddenly been there, '_please tell me it's not true.'_ He'd wanted to know what he'd done wrong, why Ichigo had done this, if he'd hurt him and driven him away. Renji couldn't remember if Ichigo had answered him, because then, that man Ichigo had been fucking had been there and had suddenly gotten much taller than Renji, shadowy and ugly and horrible.

Then he'd been getting touched and he hadn't been able to fight at all. He'd frozen up and felt like he was five years old again, crying and whimpering. He'd felt awful and disgusting right then, pleading for release, and Ichigo had been watching. Renji would call out to him for help, absolutely _begging;_ he'd reached for Ichigo, but his arms were too short, his hands too small. Ichigo just stared at him.

_'I don't want this! Make him go away, make him stop!_' Renji had screamed, _'Please, Ichigo! I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! Please make him go away! Help me!'_

Ichigo hadn't helped him though. His lip had curled in disgust and then he'd turned, leaving him all on his own, walking away.

Renji let out a long sigh and wiped his eyes. It had just been a stupid dream. Even so, his heart ached at the thought of Ichigo cheating on him, leaving him. Worse, his skin was crawling. He felt disgusting and wrong, like he had so long ago whenever _it_ had happened.

Fuck, the shame he felt when he got hard from dreams like that still made him want to curl up and die. At least he hadn't wet the bed.

He rolled onto his back again, staring dully at the ceiling. Ichigo would never cheat on him. Ichigo would never blame him for what had happened to him as a kid. Ichigo didn't think he was disgusting; he thought he was strong for getting through that. Renji had no reason to worry or let this shit keep haunting him.

... He could still use some reassurance once in a while. God, what he wouldn't give to hold Ichigo for a while. Hell, he'd settle for just looking at him. He wasn't walking out there while he was still hard, though. He didn't think he could keep from throwing up if Ichigo saw and thought he wanted to do it. He wasn't going to drag Ichigo into his filthy world.

Renji grit his teeth against the pain of his tight grip but didn't lessen it even a mite. Why wasn't Ichigo still here with him, anyways? He didn't usually have bad dreams when Ichigo was there.

Oh right, Ichigo had told him to take a nap for a little while before getting back to studying. He'd kissed his cheek, which he seldom did, and had tucked him in, which he did even more seldom.

Renji eased back against the mattress, cheek flush against it as he wiped his face with his wrist, sniveling miserably. That shit had really shaken him up, but it had just been a dream. Of _course_ it had. Ichigo wouldn't leave him in real life, right? He'd said so last night while in the throes of passion, and Renji believed him. Ichigo wouldn't leave. Ichigo would never be disloyal to him either. He was the only man Ichigo would ever love, right? Everything was just fine.

Renji needed to toughen up – He couldn't fall to pieces if something of the sort really _did_ happen. He couldn't become a wreck; he needed to deal with this even if he didn't want to.

But how could he? He'd have _nothing_. That was a really scary thing to think about.

No more long nights of laughing and wrestling during sex, no more epic board-games, no more shouting and fighting over the wheel when they didn't know the directions. No more kissing or linking their pinkies together under tables in public. No more comforting shoulder punches, no more playful insults, no more bickering, and no more both of them pretending not to be scared when they watched horror movies.

No more _us_, no more _ours_. It would just be Renji, pathetic and alone like a dog, like a _stray dog._

His lip quivered a little, and he swallowed hard to get his throat to stop hurting; for good measure, he whacked himself in the gut a couple of times. Anything to make himself stop with his pathetic crying. Well, it wasn't like he could control whether he started to cry in his sleep or not, so this didn't make him a wimp at all; he was just worked up.

_'It's just a dream, Damnit! It's not fucking real!'_

But there was still that ominous 'what if'. Yes, _what if?_ Because if it _can_ go wrong, it _will, _and he needed to think of some plan, if not for getting Ichigo back, for how to survive without him.

How would it be like? Where would he live, what would he do all day? Who would fill that space that was always taken up next to him? Walking down the street, in movie theaters, the shotgun of his car, the other half of his bed, the other half of his heart. That place was specially made for Ichigo, and if it was left empty, he'd be crippled every place in his life. Ichigo wasn't just his lover, he was his best friend, and they hadn't been unable to see each other every day since middle school. Renji didn't even know if he could function on his own anymore.

In a fit of pique, Renji slammed his hand down on the radio, grabbing the cord and ripping it out of the wall.

He'd have to sleep in an empty bed, he'd have to listen to every song that had some special meaning to them all by himself. All of his friends were Ichigo's friends too, which meant that even if Ichigo wasn't physically present, he probably would be mentioned often – Renji would have nowhere to go to forget about his problems, he'd have nothing that wouldn't remind him of what he'd lost.

Oh, he'd been so stupid in high school, so young, lonely, and dumb. Renji had always feared making the first move, too afraid of rejection, so he'd taken a good long time to open up to the boy he was so head over heels for. How he'd wanted to hold Ichigo's hand, take him to parties, and do dorky stuff to make him blush, like picking him a flower – even if he'd get yelled at for something so stupid and sappy.

But he'd let the opportunities pass by for far too long. He'd taken a long time to gather his courage, months and months that he'd taken for granted, thinking that he'd always have more time, another chance to ask. He'd spent it looking hopefully to the future rather than carpe-ing the fuck out of the diem and asking Ichigo right then.

All that time he'd _wasted_. He should've spent every minute treasuring that time he got – he hadn't realized at the time that all of this, the friendship and the bond they had between them, could disappear at any moment, and that all he was doing was renting some time out of Ichigo's life, that it wasn't permanent. Ichigo was one person in a world of billions. Their chances were minimal, and Renji hadn't appreciated the magnitude of that at the time.

But he knew now how their relationship could turn to sand in his fingers, and nothing he could do could keep it from slipping through the cracks.

He worked two jobs while Ichigo worked one, he'd filled out every scholarship and financial aid form that he could for their student loans, he did everything he could to get this degree so he could really take care of Ichigo if he had to; no longer would he be the poor nobody he'd been born as. He'd become a real man, responsible, _dependable. _He'd finally have some money, some stability, maybe even a home for Ichigo.

The thing was, Ichigo didn't _need_ that. Ichigo had a family, Ichigo had friends and he was becoming a doctor. What Renji had to offer wasn't enough, and the only thing that he really had to give Ichigo was himself, and 'himself' was ruining things half the time.

So all he had now was precious time. It was all just sand running through a timer, and he didn't know when it would run dry and empty. So he would try, oh how he would try to be better, because this was his only hope.

He'd thought that he'd learned his lesson long ago when they were getting over the 'college bump' that young relationships go through, but here he was _again,_ realizing how much time he'd taken for granted, let slip without enjoying, and it made him sick.

This _thing_ that they were getting ready to do, that he'd put off for such a long time, _this_ was the problem: going to the clinic. When he'd been younger he'd never wanted to go and check his status, because he'd sworn he'd never be with anybody in the first place. He'd thought that he'd never love that deeply, that he'd never have to risk poisoning his sweetheart.

But he'd met Ichigo and things had changed. He'd wanted so bad to be close to him, to love him each and every intimate way, so he did, still in denial over what he possibly could be carrying, and that maybe he'd _never_ be able to love Ichigo all the way. He'd still had that mindset of always having another chance, another time to do it, another time they'd go to bed together.

That luxury was something he couldn't afford anymore. He couldn't keep telling himself that he'd have time, because he really might not.

He should've gone to the clinic _years_ ago, but he'd been too terrified and in denial of what had happened to him as a child to just face it. Back at the orphanage, there were a lot of things that shouldn't have happened, and he was sickened just thinking that he might have some disease because of those sick pedophiles.

He'd let his pride, his ego and his selfish fears get in the way of everything for too long. He was finally realizing that if he didn't do it now, he might never get a chance to really make love with his everything. His everything could turn to nothing in a split second, and he couldn't just wait and hope that it never would.

This wasn't some stupid diet where he'd still have his body if he put it off until next week. If he put this off, Ichigo really might disappear before he knew, and then he would've missed out.

He'd never get a chance to fix things, he'd never get to see that special smile that Ichigo never showed to anyone else. He'd lose all the memories, all the good times they'd had, all the future years he was always dreaming of in the blink of an eye, and all those things he'd taken for granted would be things of the past, only delusions and day dreams.

He didn't have the option of going cold-turkey either – it wouldn't be a clean cut, because Ichigo had all the same friends as he did, so he wouldn't even have the mercy of not having to see Ichigo with someone new or constantly hearing about him from the others.

Losing Ichigo would be bad enough; his heart would probably never recover that. Seeing Ichigo with someone else? Just the thought of it was akin to dying.

Renji peeled himself off of the pillow he'd been shamefully weeping into. What a pitiful pathetic mess he'd become. He knew that it was mostly just because he was sleep-deprived and stressed out from finals week, but he still was a little embarrassed, even though there weren't any witnesses.

He had to admit that after that outburst of tense thoughts, breaking the radio plug, and the crying, he felt a lot better. He'd been keeping everything under covers for far too long, and he hated it. It had boiled under his skin until it became too much to bear, and now finally the stress and fear was leaking out. He really did feel a lot better after that.

He crept to the bathroom to wash his face and blow his nose before Ichigo could come and catch him looking so fucked up. He couldn't let him know, couldn't let him see or worry. Ichigo hated it when he got all paranoid and doubtful, and Renji didn't want to cause him any more upset. He knew it was ridiculous. He didn't need Ichigo to tell him that. There was no reason to start a fight over this.

They seldom fought... Well, they seldom _really_ fought, where Ichigo would shout so much that he'd go blue in the face. Actually, the shouting wasn't the bad part; that was normal between them, resulting from Ichigo's pessimism and stress and Renji's equally hot temper.

The really serious fights were when Ichigo would start crying angry tears as he shouted and leave, slamming the door without a goodbye. Renji would stay up all night waiting for him to come home, but in vain. It had only happened twice over all those years and would end with Ichigo coming home and sleeping on the couch, giving Renji the silent treatment throughout the next day.

Renji couldn't let something like that happen again. He knew that the pressure on Ichigo - who always seemed to be carrying the weight of the world - was becoming too much to handle, and that he would explode soon if he wasn't careful.

Renji sighed, rubbing at his face. This was driving him nuts, so nuts that he would start to forget what he was doing when he was studying or when he worked, which was not really safe when you're a chauffeur.

Ichigo was going a little nutsy too, from night school and worrying about bills not getting paid, their car being in the shop, Yumichika getting stalked, and organizing their vacation. The poor thing was starting to have delusions and nightmares about some clone of himself who told him to do bad things.

Maybe they both needed a psychiatrist. Too bad they were both too stubborn and too broke to afford one.

Renji scrubbed his face with a cold washcloth, taking special care to get rid of the red rings under his eyes. He put a loose braid in his hair and rubbed some water on his arms and the back of his neck to cool down.

After a heavy sigh, he flopped down onto the bathmat, face pressed to the cool floor tiles, not caring about germs because Ichigo wasn't there to yell at him about them.

He smiled a little, getting choked up again as he thought back to how good he'd had it in high school. Those were the days: floating on air, walking around with a dorky smile, so insanely in love that he didn't even _care _if Ichigo would never be his, the kind of love where you just enjoy being near them even if they could never be yours.

The memories were things that hurt, but in a sweet kind of way, like how when you looked at old pictures of good times.

He remembered when Ichigo had accidentally hit him in the face with a book in the science lab on the day they were doing blood typing. Of course, he'd broken his nose before, so he'd known what to do. He'd casually snapped it back into place, and then blood started gushing everywhere, causing Ichigo to freak out and drag him to the nurse.

Then there were days when they'd ride home together on the train with Yumichika, parting at the station, Ichigo one way, the two of them the other. It had taken months for Ichigo to realize that Renji didn't have a home; when he'd asked if he could come over to study, Renji had had to explain that he had no family and lived in an orphanage. That had prompted Ichigo to invite him over nearly every day, giving him the family he'd lacked, understanding how it was with no mother.

Those were the days; the days when they would kick the asses of anyone who picked fights with them, the days when they'd argue for hours until the teacher threw chalk at them and told them to get out - they'd just leave school, laughing over their stupid bickering. They'd been so young and with so much time ahead of them, so many dreams.

Renji smiled a little, one particular time standing out. He'd just gotten his license and being a little older, had offered to drive Ichigo to a dentist appointment with the company car of the place he'd worked at. Little had he known that Ichigo had to get his wisdom teeth out and had been high as hell on the car ride back.

'_You're kinda cute,' _he'd said woozily, trying to hug Renji while he drove, ending up choking himself with his seat belt.

'_You're hammered, don't say weird shit like that to me,' _he'd replied. Ichigo had then let it slip in his questionable state of mind that he liked him, but not to tell 'Renji' because it was a secret.

'_I always pick fights so he won't know. He'll totally never talk to me again if he figures out that I like him. He'll call me faggot and hit me, probably,' _Ichigo had said sleepily, cotton in his mouth, looking like a dork._ 'I don't feel like I'm gay, but I just really like 'im. Like... ya' know,_ like_-like him... Don't tell,' _he said again in paranoia, before conking out, hitting his head on the dashboard.

Once he'd finally asked Ichigo out, his life had never been better. He had a fucking carrot-headed, shouting, hard-punching, sarcastic angel for a boyfriend. Suddenly, he'd had a life goal, dreams for the future, a _family_, somebody who believed in him. He'd become so much more than the stray dog that he'd been, and all because of that one person that his life now depended upon.

Who had stayed up with him when he'd had stomach flu? Who had taught him calligraphy with Yumichika so he could impress Rukia's new brother? Who had shown him that he was good enough to go to college and escape his impoverished life? Who had _loved_ him?

Renji sighed, letting the tightness of his throat overtake him, heart aching horribly. He gave up on being hard-shelled and just let the pain thrive, knowing that it would go away soon if he just let himself feel it for awhile.

There came a knock on the door. "Renji? You ready to go?"

"Just a minute," he answered in a raspy voice.

He could see the shadow under the crack of the door, where Ichigo's feet were. He shifted his weight, remaining quiet for a moment, before calling, "Are you throwing up?"

"No."

"Wait... Are you...? You're _crying_."

"Nu-uh,_" _he replied defensively, half-sitting up to try and keep the door closed with his foot, but it was too late. He'd forgotten to lock the door, and he wasn't fast enough to throw his weight against it to barricade it shut.

Ichigo opened the door, peering around it. "What'sa' matter?"

Renji flopped back down. He came and sat near Renji, but not too near, putting a hand on his leg. Renji nearly lost it again at the sight of Ichigo's concerned expression. As much as he loved that endearing scowl, Ichigo looked so much younger when he didn't have those crinkles between his eyebrows. Whenever Ichigo's face went soft like that, his heart just melted and poured out all its problems. But no, he couldn't do that now. He couldn't tell Ichigo. He'd worry.

"Can ya' just lay here with me for a while?" he begged in a whisper, not wanting Ichigo to hear his voice crack. He sighed and staring at the ceiling, wallowing in misery. Ichigo stared at him for a moment before complying wordlessly, settling on his back, resting the back of his head on Renji's arm.

Ichigo didn't say anything to him, sending him silent comfort and support without making him divulge what was bothering him; it was just another reason Renji loved him so much. Ichigo lay there quietly, letting Renji pull himself together for a couple minutes.

Renji sighed, finally getting a handle on his emotions, holding Ichigo against him. He loved the warmth and closeness, how he could see the pores on Ichigo's face and each eyelash, those big brown eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Ichigo finally asked. "We don't have to go if you're not."

Renji sighed, long and loud, that same feeling of filth and unworthiness settling into his bones again. Oh, he didn't deserve Ichigo; the least he could do was this. "No, I have to. I've made you wait too long."

"This isn't about me," Ichigo said sharply, getting up and looking him in the eyes, pulling on his hair a little bit. "This is about _you _and what happened to _you_. I don't want you to do this so we can have normal sex, I want this because I don't want to see you go through life this way."

His strong tone faltered a little. "You torture yourself with this and you don't deserve it, because none of it was your fault. Don't you know that?"

Renji didn't speak, looking back at him, corners of his mouth tight. Ichigo grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly. "You were a _kid!" _he shouted, eyes angry and pained. "You were just a _kid_, don't you see? You'd better stop blaming yourself... or I'll... I'll knock your teeth in!"

Renji just half-smiled at his boyfriend's guilt and insult-ridden attempt at helping. It had worked a little. Ichigo groaned, shoving him when he thought he was still being self-deprecating.

"I'm just scared," Renji admitted, not meeting Ichigo's eyes. "It's... It's just hard, okay?"

"I know."

"Do you?... It's really hard, Ichigo," Renji repeated, voice scratchy and low. After a few awkward seconds of silence, Ichigo grabbed his hand and squeezed it, bringing it to his forehead.

"You fucking idiot. I dunno' how to help you. What am I supposed ta' do?"

Renji was silent, watching Ichigo's face contort as he gripped his fingers tightly. "I'm here," he said, sounding angry, but Renji knew it was just because he didn't want to start falling apart. Insults and anger often corresponded with what Ichigo considered inappropriate emotions - such as, when they had been younger and Renji would do something sweet, Ichigo would cuss him out, blushing all the while. Likewise was it when Ichigo was trying to be caring towards him, masking his guilt with anger and swearwords.

"Don't," Renji said, suddenly not wanting what he had always considered a cute trait in Ichigo.

"What," Ichigo said without looking at him, still holding his hand to his forehead.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Renji grabbed him by the collar, sitting up and dragging Ichigo towards him, like he was a thug he was about to punch. "Don't go under your shell. You hide from everyone, but don't hide from me."

Ichigo sighed. "Well, there's nothing I can do or say to change what happened."

"So what? I still want all of it."

"All of what? What do you want?" Ichigo said wearily, grimacing, not attempting to escape Renji's challenge. "You want reassurance, is that it? Are a bunch of B.S. words from me really gonna' help you feel better?"

Renji released him, sighing. "No… I just don't know what to do. What if I've got somethin' and I can never… What if I can't…" He put his head in his hands.

Ichigo put a hand on his shoulder, looking a little choked up himself - because when Ichigo got choked up, he looked ready to commit a complex murder with only a rusty crowbar, some wooden planks, and a mongoose. That's why the worst fights were when Ichigo cried; Ichigo had to get fucking furious before he let loose.

"Renji."

Ichigo was met with silence and stillness, but he took that to mean that Renji was listening. The soft tone of Ichigo's voice really surprised Renji; Ichigo always did that when he wanted him to listen. It was more effective than shouting. Maybe Ichigo really was gonna' try to make him feel better with some words; he sounded like he was making an effort to be compassionate, which was what Renji needed at the moment.

"Have you ever heard of kintsukuroi?"

Renji wracked his brain. He felt like he'd heard of it before, but he didn't quite remember when. "It has to do with gold," he settled.

Ichigo took Renji's hands away from his face and gently took his head, pressing it to his chest like some child needing comfort. He knew it was exactly what comforted Renji the most - the closeness, the warmth, and the heartbeat, the tight embrace and the stroking to his face and hair.

Renji sighed a little, sinking into Ichigo's skinny chest. Fuck, he loved him.

"Imagine a broken piece of pottery. A really old one like anthropologists dig up and display in museums, with the Egyptian pictures on the side." Renji thought of a clay vase shattering on the pavement into big chunky pieces. "You imagining it?" He nodded against Ichigo's chest, braided hair skewing all over.

"Instead of throwing it away, kintsukuroi is when you fix the vase."

"With gold?" Renji questioned. Ichigo nodded, not looking down at him, rubbing the top of his head.

"They use gold or silver lacquer, and repair the pieces. It gets all put together like before, but the cracks glow. The idea is that the piece is more beautiful now because it was broken... What happened to you doesn't change how I feel about you."

Renji's heart ached. He squeezed Ichigo really tightly, pressing his face into his chest as Ichigo stroked his hair. "I know you think that I'm disgusted by it... but that's not it at all. Part of what I like about you is how strong you are, bearing through so much. The fact that you went through so much pain, it just makes me proud of you... You don't have to worry about what I'll think of you, even if you _do_ got somethin'. It's not like you asked to get an infection; you were a _child._"

"What if it's something that can't be cured?" Renji asked with trepidation, not sure that he wanted the answer to that. If he had HIV or something, then he and Ichigo would never be able to have a life together.

"Then nothin'," Ichigo replied adamantly.

"But what if I have AIDS?" Renji insisted.

"You don't have AIDS, Renji," Ichigo said flatly.

"But what if I _do?_" Renji insisted again, a little hysterically. He had to know, he had to hear what Ichigo would do in that situation, even if it wouldn't happen.

"Then _nothin'_, I said. If you have AIDS, then we'll still be together," Ichigo said back, petting his head to make him be quiet. "It won't change the fact that we've dated for years and that we've built something work keeping. We'll still have sex just like we've been doing. I'll still want you anyways, shitty bastard. I like having you around, and if you've had AIDS this whole time, then so what? It doesn't change the things we did or that I felt those feelings."

"That's so sappy," Renji said in an awed voice, looking up at Ichigo with his mouth agape, heart squeezing with the same happiness he'd had so long ago. Ichigo harrumphed, turning a little red. "I love you," he said pitifully, clinging onto Ichigo, who was obviously resisting the urge to shove his face away.

"I know," Ichigo grunted. "You act so stupid when you're scared." Then Ichigo looked down and kissed his forehead roughly. "It's like you say. We'll make it, you stupid fuck." Renji took his hand and stood up. "Now let's go. I'll be there if you start freakin' out or something."

"Well, geez. Now I feel perfectly confident," Renji said sarcastically, pulling on Ichigo's ear and then slinging an arm around his shoulder.

He wasn't taking a single second for granted anymore. He couldn't stay under the veil of denial; Ichigo's time was precious and might be revoked at any time. As long as he had it, he was going to cherish it.

* * *

"Hey, Yumichika?"

Yumichika looked up from his laptop. "Yes?" he answered the muffled voice coming from the shower.

"I'm in a rush, can ya' get my clothes? I just need a dress shirt, some black pants, and a black tie."

"Alright," Yumichika said with an amused smile. Ikkaku had been in such a rush that he had forgotten to grab some clothes to change into. At least he had realized before he'd gotten out.

"Thanks so much, Yumi."

He got up, leaving his laptop open, creeping into Ikkaku's room, going straight to the closet. After a quick scan, he realized that there were only unopened boxes here too, along with linens, Ikkaku's sword case, and empty hangers. Giving up, he went to the dresser next to the bed, opening the top drawer.

He noted mildly that _all_ of Ikkaku's underwear were red. After a moment of indecision, he took out a rolled up catalog shoved in the corner of the drawer. Surely it was dirty. Did he want to know?. . . _Yes_, he did, even if snooping was wrong.

Yumichika slowly unrolled the magazine even though he felt uneasy about invading Ikkaku's privacy. On the cover were some different steel weapons and pieces of art. A quick flip-through told him that the catalog was on metal-ware and other things for an 'international gifts' store. He opened it to a page that was dog-eared, and saw a sword sheath and other metal-care items that were circled many times in pen.

He smiled a little. At least it wasn't what he'd thought it would be. Maybe Ikkaku really wasn't too good to be true. Maybe he really wasn't a pervert. Yumichika wondered why Ikkaku would roll it up and hide it if it wasn't something dirty. Strange man.

Yumichika picked out a pair of Ikkaku's underpants, assuming that Ikkaku had been too embarrassed to ask him to grab some. Opening the next drawer with more caution, he pulled out a badly folded white button-down and a pair of black dress pants, folding up the red boxers and sliding them inside the pants. The tie was harder to find, but he eventually found one in the closet in one of the boxes.

"I have the clothes, Ikkaku," he called through the bathroom door.

"Okay, just set them on the sink."

Yumichika pursed his lips, before cracking the door open just wide enough that he could fit his arm through and set the clothes on top of a folded towel. He didn't know what was wrong with him; it wasn't like there wasn't a shower curtain.

"I'm gonna' go pretty soon, okay? So I can make it in time," Yumichika said with a smile, thinking that maybe it would be okay to really trust someone like this, someone so obliviously naive.

"Oh okay, don't rush though, it's okay if you don't come."

Yumichika smiled. Ikkaku was always so sweet to him. "Alright." He closed the door and went back to his laptop, typing away at the chat bar as he put some socks on and got ready to go. After he fed Haruki, he got a jacket, shouted a goodbye to Ikkaku, and trotted down the multiple staircases to get his car.

He briefly looked over Ikkaku's motorcycle, getting close to it to observe the polished metal and the helmet with the red stripe on the side. It might be fun to ride behind Ikkaku and hug his back really tight, but it wouldn't be fun to be afraid of dying. He sighed, getting into his car, pulling out with a wave to the guy at the toll-booth.

He turned the radio to the cheeriest station he could find and started dancing around in his seat every time he hit a stop-light. He even threw a few mints and some change out the window at a couple of homeless kids who were smiling at his weird display of happiness.

After a few minutes of indecisively driving in circles around the supermarket where he worked, he decided to go to the big one that was farther away. It felt weird to shop where he worked - he'd spent enough time in that place, thank you very much.

He texted Ikkaku a couple of times, asking if he liked watermelon because he was going to buy one. When he didn't receive an answer, he assumed it was because he was driving that death-bike, which was for the best. If he ever texted while on that thing, Yumichika would wring his stupid neck.

Yumichika hummed as he picked out a melon, hefting it into his cart. He assumed that Ikkaku wasn't a very picky eater, what with the way he scarfed down food like a starved beast, so he didn't bother asking what Ikkaku liked - he probably liked basically everything.

He got some orange juice, a jar of pickles, and a box of cereal, which Ikkaku had none of. After that, he looked through the small stationary aisles and picked out a couple of crafts to pass the time at Ikkaku's house. Finally, he made his way to the cosmetics, getting a jar of vitamins, a comb, and a deodorant stick. He started milling around then, testing a couple of products on his wrist just for fun.

He eyed himself in the tiny mirrors on the shelves, wearing a wine-colored t-shirt and jeans. He wondered if that was nice enough for Ikkaku's niece's baptism; after all, Ikkaku had dressed up for it, and he didn't seem like the type to do that often. Maybe he'd go home and change, if he had time.

"Uhm… Hey," came a voice from behind him. Yumichika blinked for a moment, going still as he recognized the voice. Then he just rolled his eyes, not turning around.

"Why do you keep following me," he said more than asked, tone flat.

"Hey, it's probably an accident," Kaa mumbled, keeping his distance. Yumichika felt a deep unhappiness settle through him, ruining his previous good mood. "I just wanted ta'… Wha-… Woah."

Yumichika didn't turn to look at him, still rubbing the concealer sample on his wrist. It was just a touch too dark. Even though it was the summer season, Yumichika didn't plan on tanning. He wanted to keep his iridescent glow, and he was paranoid of skin cancer, besides. He shrugged, testing another lighter shade.

"You look… uh, really pretty," Kaa said quietly. "Wait, did something happen to you? Your hair's messed up." He swooped in closer to scrutinize Yumichika's face. Yumichika scowled, compulsively checking his hair in the mirror even though he hadn't cared a moment before. "Did you get chased? How come you're not wearing makeup?"

Yumichika looked up at him finally, doing a double take. Kaa was a _mess. _For one, he had stitches on the bridge of his nose, which was bashed and swollen where Ikkaku had hit him. His hair was hanging in his eyes and he was obviously sleep-deprived. His cheeks were sunken in and his skin looked yellowed.

"You're not looking so great yourself," Yumichika noted, "What the hell happened to _you?_ You look like you slept on a park bench."

Kaa blinked, pursing his lips, eyes sliding off to the side. Yumichika sighed, shaking his head. "What do you want? I told you it was over."

"Yeah, but you didn't mean it. You didn't _mean_ that, Yumichika," Kaa said somewhat desperately.

"I mean it," Yumichika said flatly with a dead-pan expression. "I can assure you that I am completely serious."

"C'mon, can't we talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about? It's over. I'm with someone else now." Yumichika turned away from him back towards the shelf in front of him, browsing some more. "After what you put me through yesterday - the things you _said -_ I'd have to be mad to choose you over him."

"What's he got that I don't got?" Kaa asked pitifully, looming over him. Yumichika glanced to his right discreetly, searching for an exit if desperate measures were called for. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to make me suffer, right? Well, it's working, okay? What do you want, I'll buy you anything. Pick a house - pick a _country_, damnit."

Yumichika just gave a snobby little sniff, closing his eyes and turning his head away. Kaa took him by the shoulders, and Yumichika was surprised by the gentleness, enough that he dropped his diva act and looked back at Kaa as he continued ranting.

"What is it that he's got? Is it cause' he's Asian too? We can move back to yer' country so you can be near yer' family. I'll learn Japanese, we'll be happy-"

"My family disowned me," Yumichika said flatly, sure that he'd mentioned that before.

Kaa blinked, mouth agape, before he barreled on, "I meant your sister, I know how you love her... I could shave off my hair, is that it?"

"This is truly pathetic, Nick," Yumichika said miserably, turning away. "You act the way you do, you try to ruin my chances for happiness after you've already torn me down for years, and now that you see that I'm leaving, you're crawling after me. Stop embarrassing yourself."

He'd been trying not to think about Kaa. He'd wanted a clean break with Ikkaku, a fresh start, a new life, a new _chance, _but he still had these wretched feelings, these hangups; he couldn't deny that he loved Kaa despite everything. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he loved Kaa, but that didn't mean that he didn't hate him too. He hated Kaa, far too much to forgive him.

"You think things are gonna' work out with this guy? I told you, no one's gonna' want you but me, Yumichika. If he knew, he's not gonna' want you anymore and you'll have to come back."

"I'll do no such thing."

"What, so you're just gonna' _not_ tell him forever?"

"You're not helping," Yumichika growled.

"How about helping _me_ for a change? I'm not made of stone." Kaa really looked completely pathetic and lost, and it was tearing at Yumichika's insides. Kaa had never looked like this when he'd tried to leave before. "Do you know how long it's been since we've last done it? Since I kissed you?" Yumichika stopped him there, shoving him away, pointing in his face.

"Don't pretend like you care anything for me or my safety. You don't care about me, you don't care about how I feel; all you care about is yourself and your freedom, Nicholas. It's like you're the only person who exists, like there's no room for anyone else but you in your world! Seriously, how did I find the one person on this earth who's more selfish than me?! You can't have your cake and eat it, you're not allowed to have me but still do whoever else you want, that's _not_ fair. You don't get to treat me that way."

Kaa's face scrunched up, and Yumichika truly felt repulsed by him. It was the first time someone so handsome had seemed so disgusting to him, but god, this was just _sad. _

"C'mon, Yum-yum, don't do this to me. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid ta' even touch you. You're so mad about the other people that you don't give me a chance to make things up to you. Don't you remember? When I asked, you said you were fine with having an open relationship. You know how hard it is for me to settle down, I just needed some time. I'm ready to just be for you now though, I promise, things can be okay again-"

Yumichika tried to say something, but Kaa stopped him, looking at him with pleading eyes. "No, listen, okay? I put my hand in the cookie jar, I had my fingers in the pie, I _admit_ it, but that's the past, and we can live with it and deal with it."

"Fine," Yumichika snapped, scowling when he saw that other shoppers were beginning to peek at them and move away in a hurry. "Let's deal with it then, but we're not talking about pies, Kaa. You can't just compare breaking my trust with putting your finger in a pie. You're trying to fix things the way you want to, but it doesn't work that way, and I'm having a hard time dealing with this, don't you get it?"

Kaa shook his head wildly. "No, no, Yumichika, no. I didn't know I hurt you. I can fix this-"

"Maybe you don't get how serious I am, is that it? I had to give up my dreams because of you. Because of _you_, I can never have a normal relationship again without living in fear of being left. Besides that, I gave you my everything, so much so that I don't even know how to do anything for myself anymore. Don't you understand how much I sacrificed? I stuck my neck out for you, and I let you gallivant around thinking it would make you happy and that you'd come back to me when you were done. But I know better now, because you weren't going to come back, no matter what you say. If I hadn't put my foot down, you never would've stopped."

"No, no, I can fix this, I promise, I can fix this-"

"Stop saying that, I'm sick of you saying that! You can't _fix_ this okay?! You can't fix _anything... _There's nothing _left_ to fix." Kaa looked completely devastated, absolutely stricken, and it was tearing Yumichika up because he knew that Kaa wasn't faking. His voice got quiet and strained then, trying to make Kaa understand.

"Don't you get it? I can't waste any more time waiting for you to regret your decisions."

Kaa let out a hurt breath, grabbing the front of his chest like he'd been shot. Yumichika didn't back down.

"I'm not going to be _young_ forever, that's the one thing I'll never get back. Even if my heart heals and everything else goes away, I'll never get back all this time I've wasted waiting for you. I could've spent those years being _happy _instead of _waiting_ to be happy."

"Please, I'll do anything, one more chance."

"I just can't waste any more time, Nicholas, I'm sorry," Yumichika said sadly. "You've taken away enough of my opportunities. All you've ever done was hold me back and shut me down."

"I can fix it, it was the others that upset you, right? That's what upset ya', right?" Kaa grew desperate, clutching at him. "There was no meaning, there was no love, I didn't care, there was nothing, I swear. I can't even remember what they looked like, or their last names-"

"That's exactly the point. That's how cheap you consider sex to be. That's _exactly_ how you gave me an STI." Yumichika shook his head, sighing. "Every time you touch me... I can't help but feel that you're not having sex with me because you love me, but because..." He shook his head more, heart breaking. "You just want... It doesn't even _matter _whether it's me or not. Especially after-"

"No, no, that's not true..." Yumichika's face screwed up and he sniffled, struggling to keep it in and keep from making more of a scene. He hated being a spectacle to people, and he knew that Kaa hated it even more, that he was getting really antsy. He was surprised that Kaa was saying all this in a semi-public area, what with how insanely against public displays he was. He must really be desperate to get him back.

"_No_, wait, please don't." Kaa shook his head wildly, backing off a little bit; he'd always had a horrible time when Yumichika cried. That was the one thing that would break Kaa: Yumichika's tears. Over the phone, he'd been able to deal with it, but in person he was crippled.

"No, stop." Kaa held him, and Yumichika selfishly allowed it, trying desperately to suck the moisture back in. No more crying over this jerk. "Yumichika," he sighed, trying to gather himself, "You want me to be romantic or something? Like how... Well... I don't know, I just-"

"I know you have a hard time with me being a man, but how do you think I felt? The person I love couldn't even _look me in the eye _when he was making love to me, and he couldn't bear to be near me afterwards." Yumichika pushed out of his arms, lip curling. "You won't admit anything to anyone, you won't even touch me or kiss me in private. You made me feel so ashamed for so long-"

"I'm sorry," Kaa blurted out, forcing the words past his tongue, and that's how Yumichika knew that he was being honest. Kaa hated to say things like this out loud; it was taking serious balls for him to come here and say all this to him.

"I... I _love_\- Frick..." Kaa rerouted his sentence, giving up on getting the words out. "I've hurt you pretty badly, I know," he said breathlessly, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "I'm _s__orry..._ I'll be patient, I'll be nice to you and stuff, I won't deny us in front of other people, I'll even kiss you in front of my friends... I'll even go celibate for you, we don't have to do it." He paused then, eyebrows scrunching.

"C'mon... you know all the times we had... Things can be good... I... Yumichika, I love you," Kaa forced out awkwardly, rubbing his arm. Yumichika's throat got tight.

"I really do miss you when I'm away from you. Nobody else is the same... That's how I know I must love you." He sighed, holding Yumichika tight. "I'm really sorry for everything. I see that you're hurt now... and that _I _hurt you. I can fix it," he whispered.

Yumichika let his forehead roll onto Kaa's shoulder. How much he wanted to believe that they could have a life together; maybe they could've if things had been fixed sooner, but it wasn't the same now.

"It's too late, Nicholas. It's just much too late." Yumichika pulled away, making the hardest choice of his life, knowing that this had changed the balance of his future. "Maybe someday things can work out... We can keep in touch. I don't want you out of my life, but... If you care about me at all, please, I just don't want to see your face again for a good long while."

"Okay," Kaa conceded, to Yumichika's surprise. "But can I kiss you one time? Just one time," he begged, which surprised Yumichika even more. Kaa didn't like to kiss him, and the fact that they were in public made it even more out of the ordinary. Yumichika supposed that it couldn't hurt if it would get Kaa to leave, so he nodded, and stood stock still as Kaa leaned in and held his face, kissing him with shaking lips.

The kisses he _had_ gotten from Kaa hadn't been like this. Never chaste or sweet, never revealing feelings. Some part of Yumichika broke inside and fell down among the pieces of his heart.

"G'bye," Kaa whispered, giving a bitter half-smile, fingers lingering on Yumichika's face. "... You just wait, I'll fix this somehow. I'll fix it." And then he turned, looking completely miserable with his out of the ordinary messed-up appearance and wandered away, looking back a couple of times.

Yumichika only wished that that would be the last time he'd have to see Kaa walking away from him.

* * *

Renji was going nuts. He'd bitten his nails down to the nub and some of his fingers were bleeding a little. He couldn't keep still as he sat in the chair next to Ichigo, who was on the little doctor's cushion-counter, paper crinkling under his legs.

Well that had been completely embarrassing; the awkward questions had been bad enough. He'd let Ichigo answer everything, because Ichigo was better at keeping a straight face about these things. But there was a physical exam, and samples had to be taken. Besides that, the doctor was male and obviously had a little issue with the fact that they were together.

It was all completely mortifying, but if everything came back fine then it would all be worth it.

A female nurse came in. "I'm so sorry, but I'll be taking care of you two now."

Ichigo's mouth tightened along with his fists. "Thank you, miss," he said flatly, completely fed up with that jerk doctor's snide little comments.

She took a deep calming breath, walking over to them. "Alright, you can both sit on the table, just relax. I'm not going to make you undergo an exam again. I'm just going to take your blood pressure again and ask a few questions." She gave a little smile, biting her lips. "Sir, I hope you can relax; I'd like an accurate heart rate."

Renji looked up at her, half-smiling, leaning his head back against the wall. "Okay, do him first then." Ichigo snaked his hand behind his back, curling his pinkie around one of Renji's fingers. Renji looked up at him, but Ichigo was staring stoically at the far wall while the nurse took his blood pressure, acting like nothing was up. Ichigo hadn't really allowed any public displays in a long time, almost since their high school days.

"Alright." She wrote down a couple of numbers. "I'm going to ask you some questions. I know the doctor already asked these things, but he didn't write them down." She rolled her eyes. "He's always getting into law suits over stuff like this. I don't know _why_ he went into this field if he's not comfortable with these things."

"It's a guy thing," Renji said with a raspy voice, trying to calm himself down as she wrapped the band around his bicep with difficulty. It was almost too big for the velcro.

"Perhaps. Anyways, I just want to tell you both not to mind me, we're completely confidential here. This is a safe-space that is free of judgement. No need to worry." Renji nodded.

"Alrightie." She smiled, using her pen to mark which question she was on. "As you probably know, male homosexual sex poses the highest risk of infection and HIV in particular, so I'm going to have to ask a few extra questions. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the two of you are in a sexual relationship-"

Renji put his head in his hands, moaning lowly; he was _so_ sick of blushing. Ichigo shoved him. "We're almost done, just suck it up..." Ichigo started laughing lowly, "This is so stupid, it's actually kind of funny."

"It's great to know you're having a good time!" Renji shouted through his fingers.

"Excuse me," the nurse said while giggling.

"Sorry."

"Be sure to answer honestly, and remember, nothing you could say will shock me. Your samples are already in the lab, so if you test negative, you might receive your results before we're done."

"Okay, shoot," Renji said miserably, praying really hard.

"When was the last time you both had intercourse?"

"Last night," Ichigo said flatly, without blinking. Renji sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. At least the nurse had the kindness not to look at them when she asked the questions.

"Have either of you ever had unprotected sex with each other or anyone else, male or female?"

"No."

"Yes," Renji said reluctantly, sickened to think that what happened to him qualified as sex at all and not a crime against humanity.

"Do either of you show symptoms of an STI?"

"No."

"If you don't mind my asking, then why do you think you carry an infection?" she asked, pen poised to take down a note.

Ichigo was silent for a moment, before he looked at Renji, seeming uncomfortable with telling his boyfriend's secrets. The nurse didn't look up, waiting silently.

"Uh... I... when I was little there were some things that went on... that shouldn't have," Renji said somewhat cryptically, even thought he was sure they all knew what he meant.

"Alright, that's all you need to tell me," she said, to Renji's relief. "But there are no actual _symptoms_ to lead you to believe that you might be carrying something?"

"No," Renji said with relief.

"That's a good sign," she commented, ticking away with her pencil and the screen-pad of her ipad-clipboard. "The doctor's notes on your exam show that you had no physical signs either, like discharge, or redness, or anything out of the ordinary." Renji nodded awkwardly. She then moved on, asking them more about their medical history and their ages and heights.

"Hey, Renji," Ichigo said with a small thoughtful frown on his face as she wrote quietly for a great while.

"Hm?"

"When's the last time we went dancing? Like at a nightclub?" Renji stroked his chin, thinking hard, pinkie still curled around Ichigo's.

"I think it was before Ikkaku, Hisagi, and I got our tattoos... Damn, that's right when we graduated."

"I don't think we've gone to the beach in a while either," Ichigo mused, "or camping."

"Well, that's because we don't go with your family anymore," Renji pointed out. "Wait, we used to have a date night too, what happened to that?" He began to get nostalgic. He missed those high school days a lot; everything had been easier.

"Hm... Reality happened," Ichigo said pessimistically, "but we've only got one more week 'till summer vacation, and then we're out of the badlands. Then things can go back to normal."

"Until then, we can just dance in the living room," Renji suggested. "I got that new sound bullet thing we could try out?"

"Alright, fine, but don't expect me to stand on your toes or something."

"Can't wait 'till exams are over. I thought we weren't gonna' make it," Renji admitted. Ichigo punched him in the arm.

"Stupid! You're always the one who says that we'll make it! Now how'm I supposed to believe it if _you_ don't even believe it?!"

"What, would you rather I say that we're about to catch spontaneous fire from stress?"

"I'd _rather_ you say nothing than _lie_," Ichigo said sarcastically. "Things have been hard lately, but we're at the top of the hill almost."

"I hope things aren't hard right_ now_," the nurse commented with a straight face. Renji's head snapped up incredulously after a moment as that set in.

"Did you just-" He looked at Ichigo for a minute, before busting out laughing, realizing that she _had_ just made that joke. "Oh my god, _don't_ with the jokes, that was so bad."

"I know, but it breaks the tension. You have no idea how awkward things get having to tell people that their partner has caught something from scrounging the streets. Don't get me started on paternity tests."

Renji hissed through gritted teeth. "Aiiii, Ichigo, why'd you wanna' be a doctor again?" Renji asked with a grin. Ichigo rolled his eyes, smiling a little.

"I'm not gonna' be _that_ kind of doctor, stupid."

"Alright, that's all. We're all done," the nurse said. "Work is slow today, so if you guys want, you can just wait in here for your results. They might take as long as half-an-hour."

"That's okay, we'll wait," Renji said bravely, feeling a lot better after that break in tension. Ichigo didn't try to argue with him, so he took it to mean that it was okay.

"Alright, I'll just leave you two alone." She smiled and closed the door softly. What a nice nurse. Renji couldn't have thought of a better scenario. Well, if they hadn't seen that cruddy doctor, things would've been better, but y'know.

"This is it," Renji said, dread filling him again. He took both of Ichigo's hands. "This is really it," he repeated breathily.

"Calm down, you stupid fuck. I'm not gonna' leave you if you're positive for something," Ichigo snapped, not into sappy love confessions when they were in public, even if no one was around.

Renji wanted to believe that, he really wanted to believe that, but he knew that part of Ichigo didn't fully realize what that meant. If it literally happened, Ichigo might view things differently and change his mind. He might think that maybe Renji had cheated on him and was trying to blame the disease on something else. Renji clutched at his fingers, biting his lip for a few minutes.

Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. Renji then muttered, "But what if it's AIDS?"

"Guh!" Ichigo said loudly, making his hands into claws to show his frustration. "_Shut up_, you don't have _AIDS_, Renji! You're being paranoid!"

"_No,_" Renji hollered back, getting steamed that Ichigo wasn't taking this seriously, or worse, that he was trying to make a problem go away by denying it. He was being a hypocrite of course, because he couldn't even _think _the word 'molested' or 'raped', because somehow that made it more real.

But things didn't _work_ that way; that dream he'd had had really fucked him up, and it was pissing him off that Ichigo was doing the denial thing too. "You have to take this seriously. You're just saying that to make yourself feel better! Saying that I don't have it doesn't make the possibility go away, Ichigo! You _know_ I might have something, so shut your lying mouth!" He grumbled to himself for a little bit, crossing his arms and pouting in the corner, feeling miserable and misunderstood and _alone_.

What did Ichigo know anyways? _He_ didn't have an STD floating over his head. He didn't know what it was like. Stupid orange-juice-haired asshole.

After almost five minutes Ichigo's voice came quietly from behind him, "If you've got AIDS, you've had it the entire time I've known you, and that means that I've been in love with the AIDS-infected-Renji. You're not gonna' turn into a zombie in my eyes if someone tells you you've got it, cause if you've got it, you already had it. You're literally the same exact person. Just because you're made aware of a disease won't change who you are. You're still the same ol' Renji, whether we know your status or not, okay?"

Renji looked at the floor. "Even if that's true... even if you still love me, you're not gonna' want to have sex with me anymore. Things won't be the same no matter what you say."

"Oi, if you've got an STD, we won't have to be any more cautious than we've already been," Ichigo reminded, since they'd already been using condoms and had never donated blood to the other. "I'm not gonna' find you unattractive, and I'm _n__ot _gonna' treat you like you're contagious. Now give me a kiss, you sacka' hammers."

"Don't steal my joke material," Renji grouched, not responding to Ichigo's hands pulling him around. He was a little less angry now; that had been really nice of Ichigo to say. Part of him had been afraid that Ichigo wouldn't want to even _kiss_ him anymore.

"You suck when you're scared," Ichigo whispered, nosing at Renji's face, trying to get him to turn his chin up for a kiss. Renji's jaw softened; Ichigo didn't do this stuff outside of their home, period. He really wanted to make him feel better, didn't he?

He gave a sigh, frowning miserably. "I don't want things to change," he said brokenly, wrapping his hands around Ichigo's wrists. How he wished things could to back to how good they'd been. Ichigo wouldn't have so many bones sticking out, he'd have less frown lines, and Renji would be more hopeful for their future lives.

Ichigo's breath ghosted over his lips, and he let the small space between them linger for a while, knowing Renji enjoyed the suspense. He let Renji link his fingers between his, closing the gap, squirming over into his lap. After a few warm slow kisses, Ichigo pulled back a few millimeters, looking at Renji's long eyelashes: black, but reddish at the very tips, just like his hair.

"Hey," he whispered against Renji's mouth. Renji's eyes fluttered open. "Let's play hangman like we used to do in my dad's office."

Renji grinned and hugged him really tight, always happy to have Ichigo in his lap. "I can't believe you remember that. I thought only I remembered stupid shit like that."

"Hey, c'mon, I remember stuff too. I think about those days a lot." Renji smiled, putting his head on Ichigo's shoulder, letting him squirm further into his lap, trying to get comfortable. "Yeah, you used to put your feet up on his desk while I would talk to the customers, and you'd think I couldn't see," Ichigo said, a nostalgic glint in his eye.

"Aw, _what_? You knew? Why didn't you deck me like you said you were gonna'?"

"Cause' you looked hot doin' it." Ichigo kissed him a couple more times, smiling. Renji's heart swelled. Love was supposed to fade with time, but damn if he didn't still feel the spark anyways. "Still worried?"

"A little," Renji admitted, getting up and grabbing the chalk out of the little cup near the magazine-rack in the corner. "My turn first."

Ichigo stared at him for a little while. "You're really scared, aren't you?" Renji's shoulders sagged with a giant groan.

"Uggggh, I thought I was supposed to forget about it, Ichigo."

"I just realized you forgot to wear a bandanna... Wow." Ichigo pursed his lips. Renji cringed, immediately raising a hand to cover his forehead. Shit, he hadn't even noticed.

"Aw, damnit," he whined, distinctly uncomfortable, actually considering using a sock as a bandanna.

"I actually feel kind of bad now. I didn't think you were _that_ worried."

"I must look really pathetic if you're feeling guilty," Renji mumbled miserably, hand rising to his forehead compulsively every few seconds.

"No, you look good," Ichigo said quietly. "It's nice." Then Ichigo's tone changed back. "Now think of a word."

"Does it have to be in English?"

"Hmmm... Yeah."

"Alright, it'll be something you hate."

"Horoscopes."

"Damn, I didn't even write it yet, how'd you do that?!"

Ichigo just grinned. The golden days could come back. Then they'd be happy again, and the smiles would return. They just had to trust that good things would come, and they would.


	13. Chapter 13

Yumichika pulled up to the church building, which was correct according to the address Ikkaku had given him, along with the gps in his phone. When he saw Ikkaku's motorbike, he knew that he had indeed come to the right place. He parked next to it, locked his car, and jogged to the building, hoping he hadn't missed everything.

He'd brought a camera, a little corsage, and a chocolate egg for Ikkaku's niece, even if she very well might be a baby and unable to appreciate the itchy thing – he didn't know how old she was, so as far as he knew, she could be anywhere from zero to ten.

He'd brought the camera because he didn't think Ikkaku had half a mind to bring such a thing, and a phone camera just didn't cut it. Furthermore, if he'd assumed correctly about the girl's caretaker from what he'd heard from Ikkaku, this Kenpachi-character probably hadn't brought bring one either. What little girl didn't want any baby pictures?

He'd gotten the chocolate because, well... you can almost never go wrong with kids and candy.

As he cautiously entered, slipping into a pew in the very back of the nearly vacant church, he saw Ikkaku up on the altar with crossed arms next to a giant of a man and a little baby that was probably about six months who was screeching at the top of her lungs, blubbering and wet.

Yumichika assumed that it was either after mass or other people had just left because of the child's noisy tantrum. Yumichika smiled; he liked her a little already.

He quietly padded up the aisle to sit closer to the front, avoiding the couple other people who were in the building trying to pray their rosaries without breaking their concentration. Ikkaku grinned at him and gave a little wave, ignoring Kenpachi who was desperately trying to keep a hold on the wriggling child. Yumichika noticed that she wasn't wearing the white clothes that were supposed to go with such an event and that the priest had wrinkled his nose in distaste at her raggedy yellow sundress as he struggled to put oil on her forehead, avoiding her flailing hands, or perhaps he was just concerned about going deaf.

They lit a couple of candles and signed a couple of papers, and then it was over. Yachiru stopped crying almost immediately as Kenpachi set her on the ground. She almost flopped right down the carpeted steps, so Kenpachi relocated her again, almost getting his hand bitten off in the process. There she sat, flapping her arms and sitting unsteadily, wobbling every couple seconds. After she tried to crawl away, flopping onto her belly, Kenpachi just let out a 'pssh' and followed her.

Yumichika started laughing, seeing how harassed and exhausted the big tough guy looked. He covered his mouth with a hand, giggling behind it as the girl rolled over onto her back on the floor, grabbing her toes and then kicking her feet. Oh, she was so darling, Yumichika couldn't help but laugh.

"_Hey_, laughing boy!" Yumichika jolted, looking up at the huge guy and grimacing at him. He did not shrink back, however, which seemed to surprise the guy. This was surely Kenpachi.

"What," Yumichika snapped back in response to Kenpachi's attitude, wanting to assert that he could not be intimidated or bullied. He had to deal with people like this all the time and it was always better not to show weakness.

"These people don't like your types in this kinda' place." Ikkaku punched Kenpachi between the shoulders, swearing loudly even though they were in church.

"I said _be nice!_" he shouted, voice echoing through the building. Yumichika hid a smile as he saw the priest roll his eyes and put out the candles around the room.

"Okay," Yumichika said, even though he clearly wasn't the one Ikkaku was talking to. It worked like a charm, because Kenpachi immediately looked uncomfortable and almost guilty. Ikkaku picked Yachiru up off the ground, looking around, not knowing where to put her. Yumichika noticed that her head was still kind of wobbly, and that her hair was _pink._ Kenpachi crossed his arms adamantly, stubbornly refusing to carry her anymore.

Eventually, as Yumichika stood up, ready to leave with them, Ikkaku thrust her into his arms. "Here, hold her, I gotta' go talk to the social worker." Yumichika blinked in surprise and held her awkwardly for a moment, trying to relocate her to a better position.

Kenpachi raised his eyebrows, and Yumichika remembered Ikkaku saying something about Yachiru hating strangers. Yumichika at least knew how to hold a baby correctly, and she didn't immediately start screaming, which was a good sign. She was just doing that baby thing where she'd ogle absolutely everything with those big eyes and slightly drooly mouth. She was staring at him with her mouth open, one little tooth halfway protruding from her gums.

"Why are _you_ talking to the social worker?" Yumichika asked as he balanced Yachiru's weight on his side like a pro, eyeing Kenpachi. If he was honest, the man didn't look quite fit to be looking after children. It was no wonder the little girl was a brat who screeched like a howler monkey.

"He'll just fuck things up. You don't know what I gotta' put up with from these two," Ikkaku said in exasperation, saying that he'd be back in a minute. He gave Kenpachi a hard threatening look for a moment and then split, leaving the two of them alone with the baby.

Yumichika sat back down, bracing his feet on the pew in front of him so the little girl could rest in his lap and face him. The baby stared at him and then started to get fussy again, letting out a wail. She stopped abruptly when Yumichika adjusted her in his lap and brought out the shiny foil-covered chocolate egg. Her eyes went big and round, and she reached for it, grabbing it out of his hand.

He swiped it back, taking off the aluminum as she whined and grabbed for it. When the tin foil was off, she took his hand and pulled it towards her mouth so fast that Yumichika almost couldn't stop her.

She started to scream when he took it away again, but she quickly stopped when he let her eat it. He simply held half of it between his fingers so that she had to gnaw on it instead of sticking the whole thing in her mouth. It was the perfect size to choke a baby, so he let her gum away at his hand and get it all wet. It quickly started to melt and get slobbery and disgusting, but Yumichika kept a grip on it until it was small enough for her to eat safely. It wouldn't do to kill Ikkaku's niece, now would it.

Yumichika gave a little laugh when she flopped tiredly onto the front of his shirt, damp head on his chest. All that screaming and crying had to be exhausting. Kenpachi looked extremely impressed when Yachiru closed her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly, still smacking her lips.

"Hello, Kenpachi-san, I'm Yumichika." Yumichika smiled sunnily, trying to make a good first impression even though the insufferable man had insulted him deeply within the first twenty seconds of meeting him.

"Yer' Ikkaku's…" He trailed off, forgetting whatever he was going to say, looking at Yachiru in irritation that she'd given him such trouble but hadn't ripped off Yumichika's head. "Ya' don't know what I gotta' go through ta' get her ta' go ta' sleep…"

"Really?" Yumichika looked down at her again, standing up and adjusting her so that her head rested on his shoulder. She coughed a couple of times before settling down again. "Do you want her back?"

"Nah… you kin'…" Kenpachi trailed off again, staring at him awkwardly. "Sorry… fer' what I said." Yumichika just rolled his eyes with a smile.

"I've had much _much_ worse, trust me," he said a little sadly, bouncing on the balls of his feet a little bit to rock her. "Here, take a picture of her, and we'll have captured lightning in a bottle."

Kenpachi looked at him for a minute before actually laughing, taking the camera and fiddling with it until he figured out how to work it. After taking two pictures, Yumichika turned to see that Ikkaku was staring at him, gaping and pointing in disbelief.

"You… I thought… What the… How-" He looked at Kenpachi, and they shared a significant stare for a few seconds before looking back at Yumichika.

"He's a keeper," Kenpachi said heartily, and Ikkaku nodded in agreement, "and now I need an aspirin."

"She has got quite the pair of lungs," Yumichika agreed, picking up the little corsage and handing it to Kenpachi. It would probably be too itchy for a baby, but she still might like to play with it. "But she's cute, so we won't throw her to the wolves just yet." Kenpachi stared at his hand for a moment before he took the little flower arrangement hesitantly. "Just give it to her when you get home."

"Uh… thanks."

Yumichika just smiled, holding out the baby to him. Kenpachi took her, holding her similarly. She awoke but began sucking on her thumb, eyes sleepy. "Can we leave?" Zaraki asked Ikkaku, not eager to know what the social worker had said about him _this_ time.

"Yeah, let's go." Ikkaku looked between the two of them excitedly, pleased that Kenpachi had accepted Yumichika. He knew that Kenpachi had forced Ikkaku to give the baby to Yumichika in the hopes that Yachiru would be unbearable and make Yumichika want to dump him, but somehow in the time Ikkaku had been gone, Yumichika had won them both over.

He was right; Yumichika was definitely a keeper.

* * *

Renji thought that he'd never been as scared as he was now. This was absolutely nerve-wracking.

After a couple rounds of hangman, the nurse finally came back in with an indiscernible look on her face. Renji didn't know if that was a good sign. She opened the file she was carrying, flicking her eyes up to each of them for a split second before launching into reading the report with a lot of doctor jargon that Renji didn't understand.

Now, Renji wasn't stupid by any means, and he'd been living with Ichigo, who was going through medical school, but even so, pretty much everything was going over his head - which could be attributed to his nervousness. All Renji understood were their names and birthdays and a bunch of different scientific names that _sounded_ like diseases. He didn't hear the words 'positive' or 'negative', so he just squirmed anxiously, trying to listen even though his nerves were making him skittish and unfocused.

Ichigo smiled when she read Renji's name, so he sat there, hardly daring to breathe, promising God that he'd do him as many solids as he wanted if he could just pass this test. Ichigo started smiling wider and wider as the nurse kept talking, and nudged Renji, giving him a glance.

Renji didn't know what was so significant that he should be happy about and thought that Ichigo was just teasing him about his nerves, but then the nurse said 'congratulations', and Renji felt relief flood through him like a tidal wave.

"I passed? Did I pass?" he asked, sounding a bit dazed even to his own ears. Ichigo grinned and gave him a rough kiss on the cheek right in front of the nurse, and Renji nearly fainted. He'd passed, everything was okay, everything could go back to normal. _He'd made it._

"Oh, thank god," he sighed, rubbing his eyes as he began to swoon. Ichigo held his arm to keep him from falling over.

"I _told_ you that you didn't have anything," Ichigo said, still smiling like the sun as he put on his coat and shook his deliriously happy boyfriend out of his stupor.

"I'm so happy for you both. Have a wonderful day." The nurse smiled, opening the door so that they could go. "And a wonderful _night_," she called after them. Renji started to laugh, still stunned and floating on air as Ichigo turned with a blush, giving her the evil eye.

Renji took Ichigo's hand, still shaking a little from all the adrenaline, taking in air like he'd been deprived for years. "Let's go eat," he suggested, and Ichigo nodded as they walked across the street, coming into a small restaurant.

Ichigo sat down across from him in a booth with nice green leather seats, letting Renji hold his hands on top of the table even though there were some other people eyeing them. "Man, I'm so happy," Renji whispered, wiping his face, trying to calm down.

"I wouldn't have left you," Ichigo said lowly, not looking at him. "I wouldn't've… I know you think I would, but I wouldn't."

"Maybe not right away," Renji said a little sadly, leaning onto the table as the waiter came to serve them, eyeing them cautiously as if homosexuality was an airborne contagion. Renji let go of Ichigo's hands after a few seconds of making the guy uncomfortable.

The waiter was quiet for a few seconds, face heating as Renji and Ichigo just stared back at him challengingly. "… Uh, what'll ya' have," he finally said, not unkindly, seeming to rationalize that they weren't going to bite him.

Renji hadn't looked in the menu yet, so he jumped a little and opened it up. "Oh, let's see… A cheeseburger, a chicken burger, an omelet... And water. Anythin' ta' add, koi?" he asked Ichigo, who was still eyeing the waiter with a scowl.

Ichigo startled at the pet name and glared at him even though the young waiter obviously didn't understand what had been said. "No… ah'…" Ichigo sighed. "Nothin', I guess."

"Alright, I'll be right out with that," the guy mumbled, happy to get away.

"You sure you don't want anything? We can still call him back," Renji said, brow crinkling in concern, not wanting to push Ichigo too hard when he lacked an appetite, but not wanting him to just _not eat_ either.

"Nah... I'm not really hungry."

Since neither of them liked having a conversation every single night about what they were going to have for dinner, they traded off every other night on who was responsible for getting dinner or making it. Renji was more likely to order pizza or make something easy like macaroni or rice, while Ichigo would make something nice ahead of time before he left for night school. However, his meals were largely mediocre, which was why they would've liked to have lived closer to Yuzu.

Ichigo leaned his elbows on the table, hands on the sides of his face. "You'll wanna' go all night, wontcha'," he asked miserably, startling Renji that he was talking about such things in public.

"Well… at least _part_ of the night… I know you're sore, but… I thought we should celebrate me bein' clean," he answered cautiously, wondering if Ichigo just didn't want to do it on a school night, or if it was something more serious. "I want you ta'…" Here he widened his eyes significantly, indicating that he wanted to return the favor of the previous night.

Renji began reminiscing about when they had been young. They'd park in empty lots or on the side of the freeway and kiss in the back seat, sometimes putting down all the seats and making love when it got too rainy to drive safely. He really missed just kissing Ichigo sometimes. It seemed like these days, kissing always preceded sex, as if he couldn't just kiss Ichigo anymore for the sake of it. Oh, how he loved that mouth, that smile, and that _tongue._

He smiled to himself, thinking about the first time he'd let Ichigo-

Renji blinked at Ichigo's face, seeing that he was frowning bitterly. '_He's not happy_…_ Why is he unhappy?'_ Ichigo's frown just became pitiful and his eyes were aimed down at his lap as he scratched at invisible dirt on the tabletop.

"Am I… out of shape?" Ichigo asked vulnerably, nearly whispering. Renji just stared at him. Of all the things to suddenly worry about, he was worried about _that? _Renji had thought he'd had fucking _AIDS_ and Ichigo was worried that he was out of shape?

"I know I'm not like how I used to look… Do you think I've let myself go?" Ichigo couldn't meet his eyes.

"Oh, shut up." Renji kicked him under the table. "If anyone has to worry that they're getting out of shape, it's me." Ichigo gave him a skeptical glare. "No, c'mon. This is no reason to think I don't want to sleep with you anymore." He said that part in a whisper, but Ichigo still looked around frantically and kicked his leg. "Ow!" he hissed. "The point is, you're not out of shape. You're just gettin' way too skinny." He didn't like how self-conscious Ichigo sounded. Ichigo didn't get self-conscious, period. "Fer' the record, I still think you look great, and I'm not just saying that. You just need ta' get some meat on your bones."

Ichigo sighed. "I guess I just don't have any appetite."

"It's cause yer' worryin' too much." Renji took his hand and pecked it, taking out his cellphone when it starting ringing. "When the waiter comes back order something to eat, blossom," he teased. Ichigo kicked him under the table again, snatching his hands back before Renji could grab them and further embarrass him in front of these strangers. "Hello?"

Luckily, Ichigo backed off from retaliating for that little nickname, letting him talk on the phone without an issue. He tried to remember the menu; maybe Renji would let him eat one of his sandwiches. Renji didn't need all that food he'd ordered anyways, did he?

"Oh hey, Hisagi-Senpai." Renji sat back in the booth, putting his elbow up on the side when he saw that no one was sitting behind them to bump into. "Oh? What's the matter, man?" Immediately, he could see Ichigo perk his ears. He was always looking for something to get wound up about.

_"I'll give you a hint. Ichigo hates it."_

"Hm… Authority? Fortune telling?" Ichigo's face began to sour as Renji rattled off the list as Hisagi said no to each one. "Feng shui. Palm reading. People who sneeze into their hands instead of their elbows. Uhhh... Psychics? Kick-a-ginger-day…" By that point, Ichigo was bristling like a porcupine, nearly hissing at him.

"_It has to do with our trip."_

"Oh? What's wrong with it?" Renji asked, sipping water that the waiter had brought. Ichigo began to stack the coffee creamers, eyeing Renji in distaste. Renji tried to gesture for Ichigo to order something before the waiter left, but Ichigo shook his head.

"_These guys tried to repossess Kira's RV."_

"Seriously? _Repo_ men?" Ichigo narrowed his eyebrows and snorted.

"_Yeah, I think they got the wrong address or something, because Kira paid for it in full years ago."_

"Why did you wanna' tell me this?"

"_It's funny_."

Renji rolled his eyes, talking for a little bit longer before ending the call. "So, Ichigo."

"So," Ichigo said back, eyeing him as he twanged his fork. He picked up his water that the waiter brought, sipping from it.

"You should probably eat something. You're going to need the energy for later."

"Why?" Ichigo grit out, having a good idea of where that line of thought was going.

He teased Ichigo with something really lewd about how hard he wanted him to do what and where in his out-loud voice. Ichigo nearly spat out his water in shock, cheeks going red, kicking him really hard under the table.

"You are gonna' get it later!" Ichigo shouted, glaring at him.

"That's just what I wanted to hear."

"Just shut up, you cocky perv!"

* * *

"C'mon, just for a little bit?" Ikkaku begged, dragging Yumichika towards his motorcycle. Yumichika watched Kenpachi leave the parking lot with Yachiru, wondering why he wasn't driving home… Did he not have a car? Ikkaku had _said_ that they were needy, but surely they weren't homeless.

"No!"

"Why're you so scared of my bike, sweets?" Ikkaku asked, putting his helmet on. When Yumichika didn't answer, he poked him, driving a response from him.

"Look, _Kaa_ had a motorcycle, okay?" Yumichika finally responded, "Is that what you wanted to hear?! He had one, so I didn't want to ride a motorcycle anymore! But it's fine, whatever!"

Ikkaku didn't know what to say for a moment, then apologized. Yumichika insisted it was fine, conceding that _alright_, he would let him take him for a ride some other time. "I mean, it'll be fun," Yumichika then said wearily, "but just not yet, okay?"

"Why not now?" Ikkaku asked curiously, but cautiously, not wanting to push Yumichika over the edge but still just really wanting to get Yumichika on that fucking bike! He was pretty sure that if he made some new memories with Yumichika, it would help heal his hurts a little, maybe?

"Because who's going to drive my car back otherwise?" Yumichika questioned sarcastically.

"Oh," Ikkaku said dumbly, because fuck, that made sense. With that, he got on his motorcycle, revved the engine, and tucked the tail of his tie inside his shirt. "Don't run me over."

"I'll try." Yumichika rolled his eyes, soon enough watching Ikkaku closely as they drove home. Ikkaku didn't seem as reckless as Kaa – he didn't drive between lanes at least – and he drove at a reasonable speed. He kept throwing gang-signs at him though to annoy him. Yumichika eventually flipped him off and he could see Ikkaku laughing.

When they got back into Ikkaku's parking garage, Yumichika smiled as Ikkaku took off his bike helmet, dress shirt all disheveled. He did look better next to that bike, as Ikkaku had earlier said.

"You know, I used to have a jet ski. I'd ride it to work at this island restaurant that only boats could reach."

"Oh yeah? Why'dja' stop?"

"I needed money, so I sold it," Yumichika said, smiling sadly as he followed Ikkaku back to his apartment. Haruki came to the door when they opened it, meowing at them as if she wondered whether they had any food to give her.

"What's the matter?" Ikkaku asked levelly. Yumichika looked up. He hadn't even asked 'are you okay?' He'd simply known that there was something on his mind. Yumichika decided not to lie.

"I saw Kaa earlier." Ikkaku's eyes darkened.

"Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?" Ikkaku grilled, getting up in his face, checking him over. Yumichika shook his head, letting Ikkaku look at his arms and face for marks. When he found nothing, Ikkaku's voice grew even darker and more threatening, "Did you see him or did he follow you again?" Yumichika grimaced, not replying, and Ikkaku groaned, knowing the answer.

"Ikkaku, I'm fine. I can handle myself."

"Yeah, I know..." Ikkaku looked uncomfortable again, "I just don't like the way he talks to you, like yer' nothing. You shouldn't have to listen to that shit... Besides, he tries ta' intimidate you cuz' he's bigger, and that's fucked up." Ikkaku ran a hand over his head, "What kinda' man-" He growled then, sighing, "What is it with him, anyway?"

"He…" Yumichika sighed, growing glum, sitting back down where his still-open laptop and scrapbooking supplies were. "I think he's more confused than anything… He keeps coming around because he thinks I'm playing some game and that he just has to try harder and then I'll come back maybe. He's just confused."

"What's so confusing about 'get lost'?" Ikkaku snapped as he pulled off his tie, chucking it at the wall halfheartedly. Yumichika watched it flop pathetically to the floor.

"He wasn't always like this. I meant it when I said we were happy for quite some time. He was sweeter; he still didn't treat me the way he should've, but… he was sweeter. Since his sister died… I think it changed him. You know how I said he thinks everything has to do with him? Maybe he's guilty now for the first time in his life, thinking he had something to do with her dying… and he can't deal with it."

"That's not an excuse to treat you badly though, don't you see that?" Ikkaku said roughly, taking an energy drink from the fridge and gulping it down.

Yumichika was quiet for a while, typing something into a chat bar. "Yes… I know. It's just so hard when I've been with him so long. He should've seen it coming, but it probably seemed very sudden anyways."

Ikkaku nodded, coming to sit near him, but not near enough that he could read Yumichika's conversation, wanting to give him privacy. "... Look, I'm not the boss of you. I'm really not trying to sound controlling. I'm not some jerk who's gonna' tell ya' who ya' can and can't see, so I'm not gonna' forbid you from talkin' ta' him or anything… but I still don't know if it's the best idea to keep in contact with him. The fact that he's following you around... It's freaking me out, Yumichika."

Yumichika looked up to him for a moment and Ikkaku went on, impassioned, "I just can't stand the idea that something might happen when I'm not there and that… Do you know what I mean? I just think you should be careful. I just don't want something to happen to you, alright?…" When Yumichika nodded, he continued, "What did he want, anyway?"

"To apologize," Yumichika said quietly. "I think he's just now realized that he's lonely without me, but I just don't think I can forgive him again. I think I'm ready to move on." Ikkaku put a hand on his shoulder for comfort, not wanting to say anything to hurt Yumichika worse.

He would see the way Yumichika would grow quiet and still and sad sometimes, obviously thinking about Kaa and everything he was losing – Ikkaku would always try to bring him out of it, and it would work, but he'd be left with a lingering feeling of doubt.

What if what he had to offer wasn't enough? Would Yumichika keep wondering how things would be if he went back?

"If you were thinking about going back to him, you'd tell me, right?" Ikkaku asked quietly. Yumichika nodded, saying guiltily that he had been thinking about it a little. Ikkaku frowned, distressed by this.

"I do think about it, but I know that I can't, and I won't," Yumichika assured. "It's just that, I've spent too much time waiting for him to start feeling sorry, and… I… I sacrificed my _career._ I had to give up my _dreams_ for nothing. There's years I'll never get back, there's…" Yumichika seemed to want to say something else, but sighed. "I don't know. Can we change the subject? I don't want you getting the wrong idea. You've made me very happy, Ikkaku, and I'm really glad that we met. I'd never be so ungrateful as to take advantage of you and go back to him after all you've done for me. You've been so kind. I wouldn't throw that away." He snaked a finger around one of Ikkaku's, and Ikkaku smiled a little, comforted greatly.

"I'm gonna' paint some more," Ikkaku mumbled, ruffling Yumichika's hair.

"Is it okay if I scavenge for food?" Yumichika asked. "I'll make you something," he offered.

"Okay, thanks," Ikkaku said, walking to his bedroom so he could put on something he felt okay about ruining. "That's real nice a' ya'." Yumichika beamed at the appreciation.

Ikkaku painted for about an hour, wolfing down a sandwich and some juice that Yumichika had made and put on a plate for him. He walked to the hardware store to get some more blue tape and clean paper to put on the carpet to block it from drips, and when he came back there was violin music blasting and Yumichika was nowhere to be seen.

Ikkaku went to Yumichika's computer to turn the music down a little, exchanged the dirty paint-block paper for new, and retaped everything as well as he could. He heard Yumichika somewhere in the house and turned his head to see Yumichika in a t-shirt and knee-length pants, dancing around to the music while he cleaned. He seemed to have gotten rid of all the trash in Ikkaku's room and was dragging it out.

Ikkaku smiled but didn't comment, not wanting to embarrass him at all in case he didn't want to be seen dancing, but he still watched out of the corner of his eye. Yumichika was so cute.

He minded his own business for a while, trying to ignore the way Yumichika was prancing around him, humming cheerily.

"Hmmm, Ikkaku?" Yumichika crept up behind him and tapped the back of his head, squirming up to him and putting his chin on his shoulder. Ikkaku looked at him with a smile. "What would you be in another life?"

"A pirate," Ikkaku said without asking why Yumichika had asked him that.

"Any particular pirate?"

"Hm… I dunno'. Just as long as I get to sword-fight." Ikkaku grinned. "Say, your dancing looks a little bit like sword-fighting."

"My sister and I used to fence," Yumichika elaborated, turning his music down, settling down with his picture scraps and stickers once again.

Ikkaku crawled over to him, not worried about painting at that moment in particular. Yumichika showed him a couple of pictures of him and their friends, telling a couple stories.

"Hey, what's that one?" Ikkaku asked, pointing to one underneath the coffee table. Yumichika brought it out where he could see it, and Ikkaku's eyes immediately widened. "Is that you?"

"Yes, me and Rangiku dressed up like this again after this was taken. So many people stopped us to take pictures that we decided it was too good to pass up." It was Rangiku and Yumichika in Halloween costumes as Jessie and James from Team Rocket, with Ichigo's little sisters as a Pikachu and a Meowth. Yumichika had a rose in hand and was giving that sarcastic smile typical of James' face. Rangiku was hugging him around the neck and grinning for whoever was taking the picture.

"Wow… You look just like him."

"I can get the voice perfect too," Yumichika commented. "It's scary." Ikkaku looked at the picture some more, a little jealous of Rangiku. Her costume was really good too, except her hair hadn't been styled into the point that Jessie had, which was probably impossible anyways.

A few more hours passed, with Yumichika humming away happily, snipping his pictures and construction paper just how he wanted it, before sticking them down with double-sided tape squares. He'd write a couple of lines and then maybe talk to Ikkaku for a while as he painted. If this was domestic bliss, Ikkaku liked it a lot.

Eventually, when it neared eight o' clock, Yumichika made some rice and some popcorn and put on his pajamas. Ikkaku took a shower to try to get the paint smell off his skin, and he put on a white t-shirt and some sweatpants, dragging Yumichika's little TV and some blankets out into the front room so they could watch something.

"Wow, you've got nice feet," Ikkaku commented. Yumichika froze in putting the tape in the TV, turning around to look at him. Ikkaku startled, realizing what he had said and how weird it was. "I mean... like... I dunno', forget I said that."

He pulled his blanket over his head, flopping onto the carpet in embarrassment, letting out a long groan. Yumichika laughed a little as Ikkaku peeked out at him. "Oh dear, my reputation will be ruined." The 'size' joke flew right over Ikkaku's shiny head. "And look at yours," he scoffed a little, and Ikkaku pulled one of his feet up to his face to look at it to try to see what Yumichika meant.

"How do you even find socks that fit?" Yumichika asked airily, putting in the tape and starting to rewind it.

"I don't like socks. They make my feet sweat." Ikkaku was quiet for a moment when Yumichika made a noise that sounded like he understood.

"You told me that already."

"Did I? Wow, look. Your hands are really small compared to mine." Yumichika held up a hand in comparison to Ikkaku's, and his fingers were almost an inch shorter. Ikkaku's hands weren't actually that much bigger, but his fingers were very long. Ikkaku then stuck out his foot, and Yumichika rolled his eyes and put his own sole against Ikkaku's, petting his cat when she came and lay down next to them. "Wow… Your feet are so small and nice."

"They're not small, yours are just big," Yumichika said slyly, giving him a coy expression. "You know what big feet means."

"What?" Ikkaku asked blankly, the innuendo not sinking in immediately.

"Big shoes," Yumichika quipped, turning away when the movie was finally done rewinding.

It took Ikkaku another moment, before he started laughing, thinking about using that one on Kira. "Oh, that's funny-"

Yumichika flashed him a look, raising his eyebrows. "Am I going to be disappointed?" Ikkaku's eyes widened and immediately he started stuttering, face red.

"I… I mean, maybe… I dunno'-" Yumichika took pity on him and handed him the popcorn bowl, cuddling up next to him with a smile.

"I'm only joking," Yumichika sighed, and Ikkaku slowly relaxed, still a little pink in the face, holding his legs awkwardly. "You're lucky you're so much fun to tease."

"I'm lucky, period."

Yumichika just laughed lowly, settling his head on Ikkaku's shoulder.

They watched 'Sleeping Beauty', which Ikkaku had never seen before. Apparently Yumichika liked a lot of kids movies, especially those with beautiful landscapes or painted scenery, like 'Bambi'. "You probably don't like princess movies, but I like the dragon," he commented, snuggling closer to him; Ikkaku sighed in contentment, holding him.

"Did the prince's voice actor die halfway through the movie or something? He didn't talk for the whole second half." Yumichika stopped short of talking, before saying that that had never occurred to him before and that he wondered why too.

Soon enough, Yumichika decided that he was tired and should go to sleep so he could be fresh for work tomorrow. Ikkaku agreed, following behind him as he brushed his teeth and combed his hair. He didn't say anything when he saw Haruki had curled up in his bed. The cat still wouldn't let him pet it, but at least it wasn't openly hostile or anything.

Yumichika began to settle on the floor, but Ikkaku snatched him up and hauled him to the mattress. "No, no, it's too soon, it's too soon," Yumichika protested getting back off the mattress, then squealing when Ikkaku threw him over his shoulder and flopped him back onto the bed.

"Okay, you've protested enough." Ikkaku gently pinned him down, and Yumichika squirmed, still trying to crawl out, but Ikkaku lay down next to him and didn't let him get up. "You can tell 'em that I made ya'."

"No, I can't sleep here. The angels are watching," Yumichika protested. Ikkaku just laughed, turning out his bedside light.

"Go ta' sleep, whiner." Yumichika gave a frustrated little sigh, but the glow of the digital clock let Ikkaku see his smile.

* * *

Renji closed his laptop, frustrated that he hadn't been able to beat Ichigo's latest high score on 3D Space Cadet Pinball. They'd been trading scores for years, and obviously it was getting very difficult to top each other.

Ichigo crawled into bed next to him, grinning smugly when Renji pouted at losing. He loved this man so damn much that it wasn't even funny. Renji was perfect, even with that cute pudge that he was getting on his stomach, just enough so that he was soft to lay on. Of course, he didn't tell Renji this, lest he begin fretting over getting fat and doing sit-ups like crazy.

It probably was the same reason Renji hadn't told him that he needed to go to the gym – Ichigo _knew_ that he was looking more and more like a skeleton as time went by; he didn't need Renji to inform him of it, and Renji must know that, just as Ichigo knew that he shouldn't tell Renji about his stomach flub.

Besides, Ichigo loved how he looked now too. Sometimes too much muscle was just plain uncomfortable, and it made Renji that much nicer to lie on top of at night now that he had that thin layer of soft skin instead of a washboard under his cheek.

Ichigo kissed his neck and Renji eagerly turned out the light, beckoning Ichigo into his arms. Renji was eager. This would be just like their first time – except with less awkwardness and pain. He was getting the same flashes of excitement that were supposed to have faded years ago.

Though Renji would never admit it aloud, he liked it when Ichigo dominated him – he'd spent so long being afraid to give up control because of how helpless he had felt as a child being taken advantage of, but now, _now _with his wonderful Ichigo it felt so good to give in and let him take control.

He knew it was probably weird, because he'd always been a little bigger than Ichigo, who'd always been on the skinny side. He knew it was weird to be a big man and to let someone else hold him down and do what they wanted, but he really liked being at Ichigo's mercy. There was something about it that was appealing to him. He loved the attention and getting held and getting so much pleasure that he was shaking and letting out soft noises, nothing like the strong man he normally was. He liked to know that Ichigo loved him.

He loved the teeth and the gentle sucking mouth on his neck, he loved the hands holding his wrists down to the bed, he loved the chest hulking over him with such power, and he loved knowing that only Ichigo would ever do this to him and that only he would ever have Ichigo this way, this perfect way.

He let out a shuddery breath as Ichigo kicked the sheets down to give their already heated skin some air. Ichigo pinned his arms to the bed, biting his ear and kissing down his neck to the juncture between his shoulder and collarbone.

"I thought I'd lost ya'," Renji whispered breathily as Ichigo bit one of his nipples, pinching the other gently and rolling it between his fingers, causing him to moan lowly. "I really thought I'd lost ya'." Ichigo trailed his fingers down Renji's abdominal tattoos, digging his nails in once he got to his hips. Then he pulled his underwear down, telling him to turn over.

"Stupid. Even an idiot like you couldn't lose me."

Renji moaned and shuddered and twitched as Ichigo prepared him, pressed their bodies together, and kissed all the way up his spine. His chest and stomach clenched, relishing in the pleasure and the tongue and the fingers all over him, leaving him burning and ready to finally _really_ have Ichigo as his. It would probably feel so right, so natural to do it this way without a plastic barrier.

Ichigo mentioned that he should take those condoms back to the store, and Renji nodded, moaning as he felt Ichigo press his hips down on him. He could feel his lover's arousal through the fabric, the heat and the pulsating and the insistence. He twitched in excitement, feeling like a virgin again, having so much to learn, so much to discover and enjoy, like he was a fresh being without any notches in his belt. He wondered how it would feel, how close he would feel to Ichigo when it happened.

Just thinking about it got his heartbeat going, and he started feeling that deep urge to be held down and fucked. Eventually, Ichigo decided that he was ready and slicked himself up, pressing his body over him, entering him slowly. Ichigo immediately grit his teeth and made a tight noise, halting, hissing that it felt great. Renji merely moaned at the heat and the sensation. It was so much different, so unlike anything he'd ever felt. The slide was so much easier, and the feeling was indescribable. He breathed hard, moaning as he tried to relax and let Ichigo sink all the way in.

He gasped and grit his teeth when Ichigo's hips hit his. There was no pain, leaving him free to enjoy having Ichigo so close to him like this, so connected to his being. He could feel Ichigo's heartbeat and the intense heat keenly, little sensations running through him as his sensitive nerves were stimulated.

Ichigo let out a slow shaky exhale, brow furrowed in bliss. He twitched within Renji, who could feel the movement in crisp detail. He began undulating his hips, urging Ichigo to move. Ichigo merely gave a surprised noise, freezing again, muscles in his jaw working as he grit his teeth to try to keep from cumming right then.

"C'mon, I don't have all night!"

"Yeah right," Ichigo snapped in reply, head hanging as he let out another short breath, "Hoohh, this is... Fuuuuck."

"Move, Ichigo, c'mon!"

"It's too intense, just wait a minute, _god!_"

Renji sighed in relief when Ichigo finally moved a little, and relished in the feeling of fullness and completion, especially the smooth slippery feeling of the heated skin. He was getting even harder at the way the head of Ichigo's dick touched directly on his prostate, so deep that he felt like they had become one, merging their beings.

Ichigo lay there atop him, kissing his neck, holding him until the urge to orgasm lessened, until he began to relax and completely enjoy Ichigo inside him, pressure releasing. Ugh, he could feel his own heartbeat inside there, practically begging for his brains to be fucked out. Ichigo rolled his hips deeply, and Renji could already tell that this would feel like one of _those_ nights, one of those nights where the pleasure was never ending, where he'd be begging, sweaty, never having enough of Ichigo filling him, reaching a void within him that none had ever touched.

"I told you," Ichigo said raggedly, pulling out and turning Renji's limp quivering body over, entering him again. He held down Renji's arms, snaking his hands up to lock their fingers together. "I told you that you didn't have anything, you big baby," he repeated hoarsely, and Renji suddenly realized that Ichigo really had been worried that he'd been wrong. Ichigo had been afraid that they really would've had no future, that everything would've ended.

Renji moaned Ichigo's name, begging him to go deeper, to give him more. He wanted to be closer, so close that he'd forget about the outside world, where the only thing that existed was the two of them like this. Right now, he could pretend that they'd be together like this forever and that nothing could take them part, that Ichigo would never leave him.

Ichigo snared his fingers in Renji's hair, thrusting harder, enough that a smacking sound filled the room. Renji hummed in pleasure, eyes slipping closed, mouth open as Ichigo pulled his head back so he could bite at his neck.

He loved the nails running down his sides, he loved the caresses on his tattoos, and he loved the sucking mouth and the little breathy noises of pleasure Ichigo made as he held up his legs. He loved the deep slow rhythm and the bolts of warmth shooting through him as Ichigo thrust into him. He loved Ichigo and his face and his voice and his warmth, and his spirit most of all.

Renji didn't know if you could fall in love with the same person more than once, but right now he didn't care because he was free-falling regardless, and his emergency parachute wasn't opening. He loved Ichigo all over again, feeling him this way, meeting his eyes and holding his hands. It was just like the first time but so much better. God, he loved him and his kisses and his bright hair, his yelling and his _fighting_ and the way he held him like this.

Renji begged for Ichigo to hold him, body weak and shaking from the continuous pleasure. Ichigo wrapped his skinny but strong arms around him, kissing him slowly as he thrust deeply, hitting his prostate with long full contact, leaving Renji breathless and whispering his name.

"I love you, okay? I love you," Ichigo whispered onto his lips, holding his face as Renji locked his legs around his back. He nodded, out of breath, enjoying the way they were making love, feeling that all of it was worth it if he got to do this even one time. It was so warm and so close. He could feel Ichigo's heartbeat and the slick of skin pounding into him. It was so much better than he'd ever imagined it would be.

Ichigo pulled out and grabbed him by the hips, dragging him to the edge of the bed, sticking a pillow under his lower back. Ichigo stood behind him, holding down his arms, looking down at his sweaty disheveled lover with warm eyes. "I love how you look like this," Ichigo mumbled, entering him again, running hands along his tattoos, then doing it again with his nails.

Renji arched off the bed, moaning loudly, head lolling back into his mess of loose hair. How he loved it when Ichigo did this to him, bent him and all the power under his tattooed skin to his will.

He clenched his hands into fists where Ichigo had him pinned, begging for more as the new angle sent so much pleasure through him that he could hardly handle it. "Ichigo," he gasped as Ichigo kissed and licked his collar bone, snaking his hand down to grab his arousal, fingering the tribal tattoos. "Harder," Renji begged, panting, wanting to be unable to feel his hips in the morning.

Ichigo did not disappoint, grabbing him by the ankles and pushing his legs back, thrusting harder and faster, their skin sticking together, making a loud slapping noise every time they met. Renji moaned, eyes swimming dazedly as Ichigo fucked him hard, sending him into sensory overload.

After about thirty seconds, Ichigo slowed down, pulling out to give himself a break. He sat there next to Renji, panting heavily and leaning down to kiss him. Renji grabbed the back of his neck, lacing his fingers through his hair as Ichigo crawled on top of him, moving him around to lay on his back under him.

"C'mon, more, Ichigo, please," Renji begged.

"I'm gonna' bust, I need a break," Ichigo said breathlessly, sitting back for a minute. Renji whined in displeasure, eventually resorting to fisting a hand around his erection, pumping it and moaning exaggeratedly until Ichigo came back over to him. "Fine, you asked for it," Ichigo grinned. Renji laughed a little, kissing him clumsily as Ichigo leaned over him with his eyes closed, thrusting back in with a shuddery moan.

Ichigo met his eyes, holding his hips still so he could focus on thrusting hard, going deep even though his strokes were faster now. Renji locked in a gaze with him, tensing up as he came all over his stomach, body clenching up around Ichigo's arousal. He moaned, eyes fluttering as his vision went dark for a moment. Ichigo growled, mumbling about his 'look' as he thrust faster into him, giving him aftershocks too intense for him to bear. Renji shuddered helplessly, moaning weakly as Ichigo panted and groaned with his approaching orgasm.

Still getting small jolts of pleasure through him with Ichigo's thrusts, Renji clamped down with the last of his strength, and Ichigo staggered, nearly flopping onto him as he gave a loud moan and came deep inside him. Renji made a noise of surprise, still getting euphoric waves rushing through him as he felt Ichigo's cum.

Wow... Oh wow, that felt... It was so warm… and the way Ichigo twitched within him, and the way Ichigo couldn't hold himself up anymore, eyes dilated with pleasure as he tried to kiss him – Renji just loved it. He felt very complete and he didn't even mind the warm trail leaking out of him when Ichigo pulled out and sat down next to him in exhaust.

He just lay there, limp and thoroughly satisfied, weakly moving an arm to Ichigo's back, which Ichigo lay down on, gasping for air next to him.

"I want a turn," Ichigo said a little jealously with a content smile on his face as his chest rose and fell, glistening with sweat. "You never make noise like that," he commented as Renji struggled to sit up to kiss him, completely boneless from getting fucked that good.

Renji laughed a little, kissing Ichigo all over his face, surprised to feel the moisture in his eyes just trail down his sweaty cheeks. "We'll see," he mumbled, kissing Ichigo's mouth, slipping his tongue inside. Ichigo's arms encircled his neck and they kissed for a few minutes, Ichigo petting his tangled hair.

"Want a shower, hun?" Renji mumbled, kissing Ichigo's forehead, and then his nose and his eyelids. Ichigo thought for a moment but shook his head.

"Let's just stay like this… for a little while," he said, breath still irregular, catching Renji's lips again. Renji was about to protest that he'd ruin the sheets if he stayed like this with Ichigo's cum inside him, but Ichigo looked like he didn't care how much new sheets would cost. Ichigo got up and opened a window for a nighttime breeze to cool their feverish skin - he looked like he'd say 'screw the sheets' if he mentioned it, so Renji just smiled and lay his head down on his cool pillow, letting Ichigo get close to him, hooking a leg over his hip when close wasn't close enough.

"Night, Renji," Ichigo said sleepily, kissing him one last time. He sighed, sinking into the mattress, saying more on his next breath.

Renji kissed his head, arm around Ichigo's back, holding him as close as possible, hoping that there would never be such a serious threat to their relationship such as AIDS ever again. This just couldn't end.

He loved Ichigo and he didn't care what anyone said about the spark fading with time. He still wanted to take Ichigo on dates and on vacations and fucking shoe shopping; he wanted to do nice things for him and spoil him and bake him cookies. Renji loved him, and he couldn't imagine his own future without Ichigo in it.

"Are you happy?" Renji asked quietly, kissing his face to keep him from falling asleep. Ichigo's eyes fluttered open again, face so close to his that Renji could feel his lashes on his cheek. "Are you happy with me? I know things are tough right now, but... aren't you happy?"

"Yeah," he said back, trailing his fingers on Renji's back. "I know I get pissed a lot n' shout… but, I'm happy. I love havin' a life with you… You're my best friend." Ichigo went into a whisper, eyes closing again. "M' happy…"

"Good," Renji said back, petting him a little. "Night, Ichigo."

"G'night."


	14. Chapter 14

"Time ta' get up," Ikkaku grumbled, pulling himself out of bed. He looked over at Yumichika, wiping crust from his eyes. "Hey," he insisted, still getting no response.

After blinking a few times, he smiled. Yumichika had ended up curled in a ball, face pressed against the mattress with his rear in the air. Ikkaku shook him, and Yumichika just flopped onto his side with a sleepy moan.

"C'mon, time fer' work, sleeping beauty." Yumichika sat up and mumbled a good morning, yawned, and then froze mid-yawn as if he had come across some horrible revelation.

"What?" Ikkaku stared back at Yumichika's shocked and horrified face.

"You saw me without makeup on!" Yumichika shrieked, hurling himself out of bed and into the hallway, as if he had forgotten that Ikkaku had seen him like that yesterday too. Maybe he thought it was somehow different if he saw him before he woke up as opposed to what hadhappened yesterday.

"Oh, you're full of baloney," Ikkaku grumbled, hitting him with a pillow and heading to the kitchen for some fruit. "I've got somewhere to be today, so I'm gonna' be home about... three," he mumbled half to himself, half to the piece of watermelon he was eating.

Yumichika poked his head out of the bathroom, still covering his face with his hands. "What was that?"

Ikkaku just grimaced; he had suspected that if he'd ever fall in love, it'd be for a complete dork, and it looked like he had indeed. "I'm comin' back at three today. N' stop that, you're too pretty ta' be whinin' like that." Yumichika threw a towel at him as he started brushing his teeth. "Hey, I might fool around at the park for awhile on my way back, so if I'm not back by three, don't worry."

"Yes, alright. When do you think I should go back home?" Yumichika asked. "I don't want to wear out my welcome."

"Well... You don't... You don't _have_ ta' go," Ikkaku said awkwardly, stuffing his face to mask the bitterness he felt. "I mean, it gets lonely now that I don't live with Red n' Redder... so... I like havin' ya'."

Yumichika peeped his head out again, toothbrush in his mouth. He withdrew it to speak some more. "Ikkaku, you know as well as I do that it's inappropriate. We met on Friday, and I'm still tangled up in the loose ends of my last relationship, not to mention, oh yes, that we _met on Friday. _It's just inappropriate."

Ikkaku scowled, chucking his watermelon rind in the trash. "Yeah, but... C'mon, why should it matter so much? It's not like gossip'll matter, I don't got any friends."

"That's rich, seeing as you're going on vacation with six of them." Yumichika rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but none'a' them'll be weird over you bein' here! You know all of them! They know us! They know we're not- y'know..." he trailed off awkwardly, finally saying, "doing the do."

"Do you think _I_ don't have friends who gossip? You heard me and Rangiku yesterday. My friends are rumor-mongering harpies."

"They probably won't even figure it out if you don't tell them about me!"

Yumichika looked at him with a deadpan expression. "Ikkaku," he said warningly to get him to listen. "It's too soon."

Ikkaku sighed, knowing Yumichika was right. "... I still wish you'd stay," he said begrudgingly.

"I don't get why," Yumichika mumbled, withdrawing back into the bathroom. "Besides, Ikkaku, I can hardly afford rent on my salary now. I can't let that money just go to waste."

"Alright, alright," Ikkaku conceded. "Maybe you could think about it? We could be roommates and you could live here?"

"You and I both know that it doesn't count as roommates if the roommates are dating," Yumichika said skeptically, hands on his hips, looking out at him again.

"C'mon, please?" Ikkaku asked. "At least think about it?" He stuck out his lower lip, and Yumichika answered that puppy eyes didn't work on him. Ikkaku groaned and clasped his hands together as if he were praying. "Pleaaaase? I'll clean out the storage room and you can sleep in there if you want. We'll get you your own bed and your own space."

Yumichika seemed to consider it then. It wasn't as if they had a physical relationship at this point, and Ikkaku hadn't made any move to push him towards kissing him or doing him favors, which was very comforting. He hadn't even made _jokes_ about it. That made it a lot easier to imagine.

Maybe if things had progressed further between them, he would have given an adamant no, but seeing as things were so innocent still, they could slide by as roommates for a while.

And Kaa wouldn't find him. Bonus points.

"Hmm. We'll see." Ikkaku grinned crazily at his small victory. It seemed that insanity had once again beaten out rationality.

They got ready for the day, and Yumichika by that point was made up and gorgeous like usual. They went their separate ways at the parking garage with a parting hug. Ikkaku walked to school and Yumichika drove to work, wondering how his life had settled into something so perfectly _wonderfully_ peaceful.

No more nights of heartache and wondering, no more drunk phone calls, no more hearing rumors about what his 'lover-but-not-really' had done with so and so, no more bailing him out of jail at three in the morning.

Ikkaku wanted him to move in with him after two days of knowing him, and if Yumichika didn't know better, he'd say Ikkaku had become way too emotionally invested. The _look _in the man's eyes when he looked at him was just... oh, he just melted. There was so much care and concern and _love_, dare he say it. Ikkaku wanted to _try._ It was extremely clear that he was prepared to do what it took to make things serious between them.

Somehow Ikkaku, despite his reckless spontaneous nature, was just what Yumichika needed and wanted after leaving a man like Kaa, who was perfect at everything on the surface but garbage underneath. Ikkaku had layers too, but that consisted of outer roughness and inner integrity and a certain naive quality. Yumichika had never met a man that approached romance like Ikkaku did, and the best thing about it was that Ikkaku wasn't even _aware_ of how innocent things were and how sweet it was.

Ikkaku just enjoyed his presence that much, and that was immensely appealing to Yumichika. Ikkaku didn't even have to put in effort to be nice to him or treat him well. He just _did_ it like breathing.

Yumichika really really liked it.

Somehow, what they had now was almost normal, just like how he'd imagined his life turning out when he'd been little, dreaming of prince charming or something. Meeting a nice man, with 2.5 children and picket fences and a golden retriever and shit like that. Normal stuff. The thing was, normal stuff in Yumichika's life had become abnormal, and he was struggling to keep up with how happy he had become in such a short period of time. He'd accepted long ago that such simple happiness was something he could never have again, and to even think about maintaining it, he'd have to live a lie. However, with Ikkaku, it didn't feel like lying just yet. Yumichika was really starting to believe that he could be happy; that he _deserved _to be happy.

Perhaps that was just Ikkaku's crazy grin seeping into his bones and warming him. He really was crazy; that was the only explanation. Ikkaku was crazy and honest and _perfect_, and oh, Yumichika just liked it so much that he didn't even feel like he had to be cautious or guarded. Of course, there was that little voice in the back of his mind telling him not to trust completely, that even this would end eventually and that there was nothing he could do about that, that Kaa was and always would be right about that one thing - but most of the time it was drowned out.

This just wasn't normal, was it?

He supposed again that he felt like trying something a little different, a little crazy. Maybe his life would finally start looking up again. Maybe he'd finally found his calling, his place or something; Maybe it was just like Ikkaku had said. He just had this 'feeling' that this was what he was supposed to do, and that he, Yumichika, was who he was supposed to be with.

Maybe it was so crazy that it was true. Maybe Ikkaku was right.

Stranger things had happened.

* * *

Renji dragged himself through the door, threw his backpack on the ground and flopped gratefully onto the couch with a tired moan of ecstasy at the soft pillows. Damn, finals week was _killer. _He swore he was burning twice the amount of normal calories just from how stressed out he was.

His nocturnal lover opened the bathroom door to peek out and make sure that it was he who had entered the house and not some burglar or nosy salesman. His hair was sleep-ruffled, he was wearing a blue bathrobe, and he had a toothbrush in his mouth.

Seeing Renji's spiky hair and his shoulders sticking out over the back of the couch, Ichigo rinsed out his mouth and shuffled out into the hall, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Renji made a little noise as Ichigo came and curled his still sleep-soft body up next to him. "Ya' tired, Red?" he asked softly, putting his head in the crook of Renji's neck. "Ya' look tired."

"Yeah." Renji gave a sigh and sunk into the sofa, leaning his head back, completely exhausted. "Ya' sleep good?" Ichigo nodded in response, moving to lay his head in Renji's lap, still bleary-eyed. Their romp last night had thrown off his already backwards sleep schedule.

Renji leaned down tiredly to kiss him, and Ichigo gave a peaceful little sound as Renji snuck his fingers through his wild hair. "Mm." When Renji pulled back, Ichigo curled a finger under his chin to direct him back down for another.

After a few moments, Ichigo crawled into Renji's lap and put his arms around his shoulders, kissing him for a little while. Renji put his hands on Ichigo's hips and back, rubbing up and along his spine, smiling. There was something very endearing about pajama-clad Ichigo with sex hair and innocent sleepy eyes.

"Morning, Handsome," he mumbled onto Ichigo's lips, not moving to grope him, just enjoying kissing him for a little bit. Eventually Ichigo withdrew and pecked his cheek, getting up to make some cereal.

"It's not morning. It's three," he commented with one last yawn, even though he knew that Renji had meant since he'd just woken up. "Man, I gotta' study my ass off."

"Don't study it _all_ the way off," Renji said in mock dismay, and Ichigo gave him the finger. "Aw c'mon, don't stress too hard, baby, you'll go bald like Ikkaku." Ichigo looked at him from the kitchen, holding a bowl.

"He didn't go bald from stressing out, you stupid idiot. That doesn't happen to people our age." Renji rolled his eyes before closing them, merely resting his bones on the couch for a little longer.

Ichigo was quiet for a while, letting his cereal swill around as he ashamedly looked at Renji. "So, you're mad at me?"

"I am?" Renji asked curiously, looking at Ichigo, who looked guilty. Oh, Renji could remember that last night Ichigo had lain on his hair, and he had yelled at him that it hurt, and as they'd roughhoused, Renji had kneed him in the groin, and then Ichigo had _punched him in the mouth._

"Yeah... I _hit_ you." Ichigo turned away, biting his lips with a sigh. Renji looked at him strangely. They hit and shoved each other a lot when they bickered, but that was okay because they were just kidding. For Ichigo to be upset about it, it must've been serious, or he must at least think that Renji had taken it seriously. "I... didn't mean it."

"Hey, I'm not angry, alright?" Renji looked over the edge of the couch at him. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry, though..." Ichigo sighed. "I didn't mean ta' hit ya' so hard. I don't know why I did that... Is your face okay?"

"I'm not angry, I said. I'm fine, nothin' broke." Renji pointed to his bruised lip, which was the only remaining evidence.

"Okay, okay, I'm done whining," Ichigo promised with a sheepish grin. Renji smiled back, being patient because he knew that finals were really tearing Ichigo apart. "Whaddya' want fer' dinner?"

"It's your day. I don't get ta' pick," Renji said adamantly, knowing Ichigo was still trying to make amends. Ichigo sighed, opening the fridge, still having fucked up hair and sheep pajamas on, but having shucked his bathrobe off onto the kitchen table.

Renji lie down across the sofa, toeing off his sandals and undoing his ponytail. He put an arm over his eyes as his overlong legs hung over the other armrest.

"Want me ta' go get the car from the shop later?" Renji asked wearily, "I don't want you goin' ta' school on the subway at night." Ichigo gave an annoyed groan at what he perceived as controlling behavior, even if he knew Renji was right about it not being the best idea.

"Yes, that would be nice," Ichigo answered tightly. "While you're at it, you can take those condoms back to the store and get your thirty bucks back."

Renji cracked a smile, not moving his forearm from where it was blocking the light from his eyes. "Kay'," he said in reply, feeling so tired and lame that he didn't even feel like summoning the energy to go grab a blanket. "Ya' said ya' were jealous last night. When we gonna' fit in givin' you a turn?"

Ichigo was quiet for a moment, and Renji listened for a reply, half-hoping Ichigo would put it off so he could rest. He was feeling too worn out to even make love to his boyfriend, and that was pretty pathetic.

"Well, it'll be too early in the morning by the time I come back from school. I'm not waking you up; you need your rest for finals. And I don't really feel like it now, do you?"

"Nah, not really," Renji said on a sigh. "M' worn out, I don't even feel like movin' my mouth ta' talk," he mumbled. Ichigo gave a snort and answered back, saying that he was considering letting them fool around on their vacation, even though he had been adamant about doing the opposite.

"Knew ya'd change yer' mind. Ya' can't resist these guns," Renji said, peeking a hand over the edge of the sofa as if it were a talking mouth.

"Oh yeah right," Ichigo said sarcastically. "What's my favorite thing about Renji?" Ichigo gave a mock hum of thought. "Hmmm, definitely his guns and not his big dopey face. Or his stupid way of stacking the dishes. Or his tattoos. Or his tight-"

"Alright, alright, shut up," Renji laughed. "C'mere an' kiss me some."

"I thought you didn't want ta' do it," Ichigo said in confusion, settling on making macaroni and cheese with potato chips. Renji liked to eat it like salsa, which Ichigo often complained about, but secretly thought was cute and unique. It was one of those things that was just _Renji._

"I said I wanna' kiss ya'," Renji said again. "Can't I kiss ya' without ya' gettin' suspicious?"

"Well, you usually escalate things." Ichigo raised his eyebrows and peeked over the edge of the couch in intrigue and curious interest.

"I wanna' kiss ya', I said," Renji said stubbornly, demanding that Ichigo come cuddle him so they could kiss for a while. Truth be told, Ichigo missed things like that; they'd used to do that all the time in high school and for a few years after.

"Your wish is my command."

* * *

Ikkaku's phone rang almost the exact moment he left his last class. He let it ring until he exited the building, putting it to his ear. He didn't have caller-ID, so he hoped Yumichika was calling him on his break or something. "Hello?"

"Ika-ku?" said an unfamiliar voice. Ikkaku scowled, immediately stopping the guy.

"Dude. It's I-_kah_-ku."

"Oh right, right, sorry," said the voice nervously, and Ikkaku wondered how the guy almost knew his name. It probably wasn't someone he knew, because the guy had obviously never heard his name spoken aloud before, or he wouldn't have messed it up.

"I just wanted to talk to you. I can pay you if you answer my questions." Ikkaku frowned a little, not hanging up immediately as he crossed the street. The park was about a mile away, and there was a nice shady tree that people liked to study under.

"Mhm," he answered flatly, not sure where this guy was going with this.

"I just wanted to know, is Yumichika paying you to go along with his scheme to get back at me?"

Ikkaku pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it incredulously. "What? Dude, how did you get my number?" This fucker was relentless. To everyone else in the world, a punch to the nose was a huge 'fuck off'. Maybe this guy couldn't read between the lines or something.

"Not important," he said hurriedly, talking over him. "Answer me," he demanded, then cut himself off, trying to sound more polite. "Uh, please." He went on then, talking rapid-fire, "I can reimburse you whatever he's giving you. If he's putting out, I'll get you a woman. I'll get you what you want."

"You can't buy me off," Ikkaku said flatly.

"So he _is_ paying you then."

"What, _no, _he's not paying me. There's no scheme, man. " There was a crackling silence on the other end of the line. Ikkaku scowled, still walking. What a fucking loser this guy was.

"Huh... That can't be," Kaa said in disbelief, going quiet for a few moments more. Ikkaku didn't hang up, because if he was still on Yumichika's trail, he wanted to know why and to get him off their backs once and for all.

"Maybe it's just more elaborate than I thought. Yummy always was really clever," Kaa mumbled as if he was trying to piece things together.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes, crossing another street. He used a calm voice, really trying to get this guy to understand. "Dude, _listen to me_. He _left_ you. There's no scheme."

Kaa was quiet for a full thirty seconds. Ikkaku thought he'd hung up. "Oh... he's trying to make me feel guilty and do some nice things for him an' ask him back. He wants me to try harder."

"Oh my God, you're not getting the point," Ikkaku said in exasperation, not feeling angry for some reason. He was actually starting to feel a little sorry for him. Yumichika was right about this guy's process of thought being warped. "He's not trying to trick you into feeling jealous or into begging him back. He _left _you, he's _gone. _He's with me now. This has nothing to do with you."

Kaa took a breath like he was going to say 'oh', but then he exhaled, humming in confusion. "I don't understand."

"What don't you get? He broke up with you. That's it." Kaa seemed unable to accept that there wasn't some deeper meaning or plot or scheme or something, and that it somehow lead back to something to do with him and messing with his mind.

"Why would he do that? Why would he take that risk? No one can want him but me, and he knows that. He'll come back. He'll come back for sure."

Ikkaku began to get frustrated and angry that he couldn't take no for an answer, and Kaa became apologetic and almost meek. "Hey, woah, woah, woah, no need ta' shout, just calm down a little." Ikkaku just sighed, glad that the park was finally in sight, way down at the end of the street. "How's he looking?"

"_What?_"

"Woah, woah now, I mean how does he look? Was he sad or somethin' last time ya' saw him? Is he eating?"

"Yeah, he eats just fine," Ikkaku said in confusion.

"He's not smokin', is he? Sometimes when he'd get upset, he'd smoke a cigarette."

"_What_, you seriously drive him to smoking?" he said incredulously.

"Well, at least it's not drinking." Ikkaku was overcome with the urge to punch him again.

"No, I didn't see him smoke," he said through gritted teeth. "He's handling the breakup very well. He doesn't need you anymore and he's not going back, so fuck off and let him live his life." Eventually Kaa got done with his questions and said an awkward bye just as Ikkaku made it into the park.

Kaa's presence no longer seemed sinister at this point. The vibe he was getting now was just truly pathetic, that of someone who was slowly accepting that they'd lost but couldn't deal with it yet and was slobbering at the winner's feet.

"Geez," Ikkaku groaned. He had a feeling that this wasn't over, fuck.

* * *

"Did you guy's break up or something?" Yumichika asked flatly as Renji stood in front of him with a blush. "Why would you need a refund on- _Hh!"_

Renji startled, jerking back from the counter, looking even more embarrassed as Yumichika squealed and congratulated him on finally going to get checked.

"_Not so loud!"_ he shouted, and Yumichika rolled his eyes, commenting on his celebration hickeys. Renji just whined, putting his head in his hands.

"Alright, alright, I'm done teasing you," Yumichika laughed, before he sneezed.

"Heh', someone's talkin' about you," Renji ribbed.

"I don't believe in that superstition. Do you have a receipt?"

* * *

Ikkaku settled down under the nice tree, pleased that there weren't any other college students there, hogging it. He listened to the classical music playing over the loudspeakers set up in the lampposts lining the sidewalks of the large park.

He tried to ignore some idiot who was speaking bad Japanese out loud to themselves like a crazy person as he recognized the next song that came on.

He studied for about ten minutes, recognizing a couple trashy pop songs that they played for people that were supposedly jogging on the biking path.

The wind blew, and he wondered what Yumichika was doing, if he was perhaps getting harassed by some more grocery store thugs, or whether he was scanning really creepy items for questionable looking middle aged men. He smiled a little, imagining Yumichika calling security after checking out duct tape, garbage bags, and wire cutters.

He hummed a little bit, not really remembering any of the words. He put his book over his face, exhaling, wanting to just go home and share in more of that domestic bliss that he and Yumichika had going. He really liked the dynamic they shared - it sort of reminded him of Ichigo and Renji's relationship, which he'd always been a little jealous of. Not that he wanted to date either of them - he just meant that he'd wished for someone to be that close to that he could confide in.

He heard that dumb guy trying to speak Japanese start fooling around behind him, making some suspicious and disruptive noise, so Ikkaku, irritable as always, took the book of his face and went to throw it at him. In doing so, he suddenly recognized the voice he'd heard not half-an-hour ago on the phone.

"The fuck?!" Ikkaku chucked his book down, seriously pissed, peeking over the bushes near him. "What the fuck is wrong with you! You are a downright _creep!"_

Kaa looked at him in alarm, nearly falling off his bench, and Ikkaku had to admit that he looked really pitiful compared to the last time he'd seen him. He looked homeless, like he'd been sleeping out here on this bench - nothing like the glamarous, sarcastic, confident, ladies man he'd met a couple of days ago. What the hell had happened to him? It looked like something had crawled out his ass and bit him.

Worse than that, why the heck did this guy seem to know where they were all the time. "Why the hell do you keep popping up like this?!"

"What the hell," Kaa gasped in alarm, hand on his heart, panting from being scared like that. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Ikkaku just sighed in exasperation, head flopping back on his shoulders. At least it might have been a real coincidence this time, instead of that stupid half-assed explanation Kaa always gave for being in the right place at the right time. "Wow. You really just can't tell when you're not wanted, can ya'?"

"Maybe," the guy said woefully, crawling back onto the bench without brushing himself off. He looked really glum and depressed, like he'd finally realized the consequences of what his selfish lifestyle had wrought: the loss of Yumichika. "Maybe I just don't care anymore."

"Wait, what are you doing here?" Ikkaku asked in confusion. This section of the park was the unofficial glen that only the hipster college students came to to study and do drugs and the like. "The fuck? You go to _college?_"

"Pssh," Kaa said, as if that were ridiculous. "No."

"Then what's this textbook for?" Ikkaku tried to pick it back up, but Kaa snatched it and shoved it down his shirt.

"Nothing!"

"Yeah, okay." Ikkaku rolled his eyes, sitting down in the grass. "You are the stupidest fuck I've ever met."

Kaa frowned, staying quiet for a little while, before he took out his wallet and threw it at him. "Take what you like, I said I'd pay you."

"Oh." Part of Ikkaku didn't want this guy's stupid money, but holy shit, he literally only had hundreds in his wallet.

"Too modest?" Kaa took out a bunch of the bills and threw them at Ikkaku.

"The fuck, I don't want your money!" Ikkaku spat, blowing one out of his face.

"Yeah, yeah, neither do I." Kaa flopped back against the bench miserably. "It's just too late, isn't it?" he muttered, changing the subject.

"Yeah," Ikkaku said hesitantly, touching the guy's knee. "I... Look... Ya' gotta' take no for an answer. If ya' really cared about him, you'd want him to be happy no matter what, right?"

"Right," Kaa said immediately. "I don't want ta' hurt him anymore, I really want to be better."

"Then you need to put his happiness before yours. You've gotta' let go," Ikkaku said solemnly, meeting the guy's eyes dead on.

Kaa looked back at him for almost a full half-minute. Then he sighed, drilling his knuckles into one eyesocket, frowning sadly. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're right... Damn, but this hurts."

"I know, man, I know, but love hurts sometimes... and so does the truth, but ya' still gotta' face it."

"Sage advice... Thanks... I'm... sorry I kept trying ta' piss you off so Yumichika would see that you're worse than I am... It's clear who the better man is. I'll leave you guys alone, I promise."

"Thanks."

Ikkaku was sure that Kaa had finally backed off, so he wasn't pissed or even surprised when he got another call when he and Yumichika were sitting on his bed, using it like a couch, watching movies on Yumichika's laptop.

"Yeah?"

"Hey... Um, it's Kaa. Hi, Ikkaku," the guy said awkwardly, as if he knew how obsessive and stalker-ish he was getting and was embarrassed by it.

"Whattya' want?" Ikkaku cut right to the chase, at least satisfied that the guy had said his name right this time. If Kaa was really going to leave them alone, then this would all be worth it. He didn't want to have to worry about Yumichika's safety whenever he wasn't with him.

"Hey, I'm sorry for calling here, I swear I won't bother you again after this."

"Okay, okay, it's fine. What do you need?" Ikkaku said in frustration. Even if the guy was more bearable, he sure as hell didn't like him one bit.

"Is Yumichika there?" Kaa asked a little uneasily, and Ikkaku heard some footsteps and a car honking in the distance. Had the guy literally been roaming the streets? He was obviously loaded, so maybe he was just being miserable instead of poor and homeless.

"Yeah, he's right here," Ikkaku said, making no move to hand the phone to Yumichika, and there was no way he ever would. Yumichika looked up at that, giving an embarrassed sigh, putting his head in his hands. He was really sick of all of this, and he was afraid that it would ruin his chances with Ikkaku.

Ikkaku mumbled to him that he would take care of it. Yumichika nodded with a sigh, covering his ears so he wouldn't be tempted to listen.

"What? He's in your _house?"_

"Yeah," Ikkaku said simply and flatly, daring Kaa to get upset.

"Hm... Alright..." Kaa seemed to realize that he didn't own Yumichika like a vase or a lamp, which was a step in the right direction. "So... How is he? Does he still look okay? Can you smell him?" Ikkaku gave an incredulous face, pulling the phone away from his ear to look at it.

"No, no, no, I mean, I meant if you can smell if he's smoked. I don't want him to be smoking cause'," Kaa cut himself off, struggling to _not_ make things relate back to himself. "Because it's bad for him."

"He hasn't been, he's perfectly fine. He came with me to my neice's baptism today. He's just taking a nap," he lied, not wanting Kaa to ask him if he could talk to him. Yumichika was having a tough enough time not going back to this guy. The last thing he needed was for Kaa to have an ace in the hole to get Yumichika back. "He's tired from last night."

"Last night... There's no way he slept with you," Kaa called bullshit.

"What the hell? I didn't mean that, somebody was breaking shit in the middle of the night, so we got woken up."

"Ah... I see. How's he look? Is he happy? Is he really happy with you?"

"Yeah." Ikkaku side-slitted his eyes, smiling a little as Yumichika kept watching his show, doing his best to ignore the phone conversation that was revolving around him. "Yeah, he looks happy."

"Good, that's good... Okay, I'm gonna' go, sorry for botherin' ya', man. Thanks a lot."

"Okay, bye."

"Really. Thanks."

"Bye," Ikkaku said again, prompting him to hang up. Kaa did after breathing awkwardly, wanting to say something more, but changing his mind. Ikkaku shut his phone, immediately turning to Yumichika. All of this mess had got him thinking about life, and he didn't want to have any regrets.

"Let's go dancing." Yumichika looked at him in shock, but it was _pleased _shock.

"What? _Now?_"

"Yes. Right now," Ikkaku said, tugging his arm to try to get him to get up. He grinned, practically able to see the gears turning in Yumichika's confused head.

Yumichika frowned at him skeptically. "Who parties on a Monday?"

"Exactly," Ikkaku said. "There won't be a crowd this way, and I can dance with you without having my butt touching six other people's. Yuck."

Yumichika just stared at him for a while before getting up and running out into the front room. Ikkaku thought maybe he'd run away to cry or something, but as he followed him, he saw that Yumichika was on his ass on the ground, pulling on his boots and his jacket.

* * *

Two hours and one motorcycle ride later, Yumichika was resting his head on Ikkaku's shoulder and slow-dancing with him in a dark and deserted corner of a nightclub playing slow jazz, happiness flashing from one moment to the next. It was all just this warm and fuzzy blur, and not the kind you'd get from being blitzed, which he unfortunately knew all too well.

One moment he'd been listening to Ikkaku calmly deal with his desperate ex, even convincing him to leave them alone without resorting to shouting or death threats, the next moment he was warm and secure, hugging Ikkaku's back on his Harley, the next they were dancing and holding each other in a club that was still rather empty because of how early it was. It was only eight p.m. so far. All the people there were still sober and were clothed properly.

Ikkaku held him around the waist while Yumichika held him in turn around the shoulders. Ikkaku tipped his forehead down onto his as they swayed from side to side, smiling. He'd told Kaa that Yumichika was happy, but he hadn't been speaking for Yumichika then. He wanted to hear the truth for his own personal knowledge. "Are you happy, Yumichika?"

"Yes," Yumichika whispered into his ear.

"With me?"

"Yes."

Ikkaku blinked a couple of times, before smiling in a self-deprecating way, the wandering lights in the club playing over his face. "Can I give you a kiss?"

Yumichika looked at him, a little taken aback, before he inched forward to meet Ikkaku halfway, loving the way Ikkaku held his face in his large strong hands.

Ikkaku's lips were softer and warmer than he'd expected; it was so nice, even though Ikkaku was really clumsy - Yumichika hadn't gotten kisses like this from Kaa, who had only given him invasive kisses with lots of tongue or biting.

Ikkaku tilted his head to the other side, awkwardly kissing him a couple more times, still rocking them to the music. Ikkaku kept his mouth open a little too wide and he moved just a _little_ too jerkily, but Yumichika just loved it. Yumichika gave a happy sigh, melting a little when Ikkaku's shaky breath hit his face and their noses bumped. Ikkaku felt around with his mouth some more, kissing him with determination but a clear lack of skill. He gave a sigh, kissing Yumichika's face, near the temple, then on his cheekbone.

"I'm falling in love with you_. _Maybe I've already _fallen_. Is that okay?"

Yumichika backed away from him then, looking at him incredulously. "What? Wh- No, you haven't, we don't even-"

"Look," Ikkaku said seriously. "A mom doesn't have ta' wait a year before she loves her baby, cause' she knows that it's special the second it's born. Maybe I just know what I want as soon as it see it."

"What you're feeling is infatuation," Yumichika said in exasperation, knowing that it was wrong to be melting into Ikkaku's arms, wrong to let this delusional idiot kiss him all over his face and shoulders, knowing it was wrong to want so badly to return Ikkaku's feelings.

"No," Ikkaku said, looking in his eyes. "No, I'm supposed to be here... I know it... I just know it. 'Cause if I wasn't, it wouldn't feel so right." Ikkaku began smiling like a maniac, kissing the crown of his head as the music switched to something with a faster beat, like Yumichika's pounding heart.

"You really are crazy," Yumichika said breathlessly with wonder-filled eyes as Ikkaku took his hands to dance with him like he'd been born to hold him in his arms.

"Crazy for you." As much as Yumichika wanted to slap him senseless for that corny tacky _cliche _line, part of him just melted for the sincerity, and he couldn't bring himself to do anything but stand on Ikkaku's feet and kiss him again as Ikkaku made a surprised noise.

"Boy, am I lucky tonight," Ikkaku whispered with a little laugh against Yumichika's lips, wrapping his arms around him and spinning him in a circle.


	15. Chapter 15

Ikkaku woke up early, smiling in the sunbeam that was hitting his half of the bed. After he stretched, yawned, and nearly flung Haruki off the bed on accident, he settled back down to watch Yumichika for a little while.

Damn, he was beautiful, even asleep like this without that smile on his face or his beautiful eyes open. Ikkaku reached out across the bed and pulled the blankets up over Yumichika, petting his hair a little. He gave a breathy sigh, thanking his lucky stars for the millionth time.

Then it came back to him in a guilty sort of dread. He'd _kissed_ Yumichika last night. Oh god, why had he done that? Yumichika had even _told_ him that he didn't feel comfortable living with him or sleeping next to him. By kissing him, he might've just put the nail in the coffin for Yumichika to move back to his own apartment. Yumichika might think that. . . that Ikkaku had meant to take things further than a kiss and would _pursue _that.

But besides that worry... Oh, it had been so nice. Ikkaku sighed happily, a little smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He knew that he had probably messed up terribly, because he didn't have any kissing experience, but it had just been wonderful, having Yumichika's face in his hands, his sweet-smelling hair through his fingers, and that soft warm mouth on his own.

He couldn't believe Yumichika had actually let him do that, especially given how much he knew he'd messed up, knocking their faces together and not knowing how to move his mouth. Something about how it felt, that little 'chu' noise, that warm puff of breath, and the closeness made Ikkaku want to do it again and again, despite his lack of knowledge. Yumichika would just have to teach him and train him to touch him how he wanted to be touched.

The sun beam had by then worked its way across the bed and had finally fallen onto Yumichika's face, setting him aglow. Ikkaku wondered if Yumichika would ever let him do that again, because something about it made him love Yumichika even more.

He knew that this feeling had to be love. There was no mistaking it, and he knew that perhaps it was a little naive to tell Yumichika something like that so soon, but he didn't think that it was something he should have to hide. Wouldn't Yumichika want to hear that he loved him?

He hadn't reacted too well last night, but he had seemed to accept it. Ikkaku had seen the look in his eyes. He had been guarded when he'd first heard it, but then part of Yumichika started believing him with a sort of quiet joy.

Hopefully Ikkaku hadn't ruined everything. He didn't want Yumichika to move away. He had to get Yumichika to trust him _fully_.

After about ten minutes, Yumichika rolled onto his back. After another few minutes, Yumichika's eyes suddenly opened. It freaked Ikkaku out, because Yumichika didn't look shocked or frightened, and hadn't awoken in a panic. His eyes were just blank like that, opening so fast even though he'd seemed to be in a dead-sleep.

He looked at Ikkaku then, not seeming to really see him, and Ikkaku said, "Good morning." Yumichika promptly burst into tears.

"What-What'd I say?" Ikkaku asked, cowed, reaching a hand out. "Why are you crying?" He promptly sat up and stared at him. Yumichika began to inconsolably weep, saying that he didn't know and that he couldn't help it.

"I'm tr-trying to stop, I-I," Yumichika sobbed, sniffled. Ikkaku scooted over to him, demeanor changing from sitting on pins and needles to abject support and attention. He took Yumichika in his arms and shushed him, petting his hair.

"Did you have a dream?"

"I think I did, but I can't remember anymore." Ikkaku nodded, pressing his lips to his forehead and holding him there. Yumichika gave a long sniff, calming down. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You just scared me," Ikkaku said with a little nervous laugh. Yumichika laughed in reply, wiping his face once, looking disturbed. "Here," Ikkaku said very softly, still holding Yumichika as if he wanted to protect him from anything and everything that might _dare_ trying to harm him. "Why don' t you go wash your face, and I'll make you some pancakes."

"Okay," Yumichika said meekly.

Ikkaku escorted him to the bathroom and made sure he was okay before heading to the kitchen. Yumichika joined him a few minutes later with dripping hair and wet cheeks. Ikkaku gave him a boost onto the counter and held his knees for a moment. "Do you have nightmares often?"

"I suppose I do."

"This isn't because of what happened last night, is it? Did I scare you?" he asked with concern, brow crinkling.

"No," Yumichika said uncertainly. "You... you were wonderful," he said with a smile. Ikkaku grinned back, more at ease, tugging on a lock of dripping tangled hair.

As he took out a mixing bowl and a frying pan, he said, "You sure look pretty with water in your eyelashes."

"It's a good thing you think that, since you've seen me cry so many times now," Yumichika said with a grimace.

"No! I didn't mean tears," Ikkaku cried, distressed. "I... Oh, whatever."

"Of course you didn't. No one's ever said I'm pretty when I cry."

"That's not what I meant," Ikkaku repeated, "Well, you're pretty then too, but... No, I don't like when you cry. I don't want you to. Ever again. Unless it's cause of how happy you are." He took Yumichika's hand in his and rubbed it with his thumb, moving his body between Yumichika's legs where he was sitting on the counter and resting his chin on his shoulder in an one-armed embrace.

"I hope that's not a self-issued challenge," Yumichika said, humor returning to his tone.

"Change the subject, Yumichika," Ikkaku replied, earning a laugh. Yumichika brightened considerably then, telling him good morning and that he'd had fun last night dancing. "Heh, yeah, I like to dance. Especially when Ichigo's not getting on my case about how stupid I look."

"You don't look stupid when you dance," Yumichika said in confusion.

"Che', that's not the dance he's talking about. It's different. Tsuki-tsuki."

"Huh?"

"It's a luck-luck dance. For luck. Cause' I'm lucky," Ikkaku elaborated.

"Ah, I see," Yumichika said, trying not to smile.

"Eh, don't pretend like you don't think it's dumb too." Ikkaku grinned back, tickling Yumichika's bare foot. Yumichika squealed, kicking him away.

"Hey, you said that it wasn't why you had a nightmare, probably, but you didn't say how you really feel _now. _Do you feel okay about me kissing you? Did that... Was it too much?" Ikkaku asked gently, opening some cupboards to get out pancake ingredients. "I mean... I didn't mean ta'... ta' _push_ you towards it or anything. I know you said things were moving too fast and that you didn't want a physical relationship so soon... Ya' just gotta' tell me an' I'll stop, okay? I won't be mad. If you just wanna' focus on getting to know each other and leaving all the touching out of it for now, that's all fine, just so you know. So I hope that you can trust me."

Yumichika swung his legs for a while. "I guess if things are innocent then they're okay... I just... don't want to have to worry about things like that," Yumichika said, incredibly uneasy sounding. "Do you know what I mean? That's the whole reason why it's not okay for me to live here... but if it's... if it's still... I don't know, it makes it different."

"Hey, you don't have to worry. That kinda' thing literally didn't even occur to me when I asked you to stay." Ikkaku said, mixing some eggs and milk and butter. "I'm not a pervert. I'm an asshole, maybe, but I am _no_ pervert. Your virtue is safe." Yumichika snorted, coming up behind him and hugging him around the middle with a sigh.

"I'm so glad I met you," Yumichika said dreamily, wet hair tickling Ikkaku's back. "I'm trying really hard to trust you, okay? It's all really fast and I'm trying my hardest with the time we've had."

"I know you're trying. I wish it wasn't so difficult though," Ikkaku muttered. "I wish you could feel safe. . . and that he hadn't messed with your head and made it impossible for you to trust people. . . I'm not like him. I promise I'll never be like him."

"Yes, but you can't just say it. You have to show it for it to be real."

"Ah, I see... Is _that_ a challenge?"

"Yes," Yumichika said, trying not to smile, tickling Ikkaku a little. "I'm trying. I'm willing to put in the time." Ikkaku smiled to himself, pulling one arm up to let Yumichika sneak around his side. Ikkaku tried to lean down and kiss him but Yumichika angled his face away, so Ikkaku just decided to kiss his hair.

"Mwah. Now what kind of pancakes do you like?"

"Hm?" Yumichika looked up to him, half petting the soft old-t-shirt that Ikkaku had used for pajamas. "What do you mean?"

"Do you like fruit in them, or chocolate, or what? You woke up cryin', you need comfort food."

"Oh. Hm..." Yumichika tipped his head to the side, resting it on Ikkaku's chest for awhile, letting Ikkaku hold him. "Strawberry." Ikkaku grinned, pulling back, leaning down and pecked Yumichika's nose.

"Okay, go get ready for work." He ushered Yumichika back out into the hall, laughing when Yumichika swatted him. "Oh, an' sorry my kissing's so bad. I know it's bad, ya' don't gotta' tell me."

"You'll have a lot of time to practice," Yumichika assured with a coy smile.

I'll train hard to improve my skill. Ganbarimasu!" Yumichika just shook his head, rolling his eyes.

* * *

It occurred to Renji that he might be a sleep-talker when he awoke saying something. Nothing like that had ever happened to him before. Maybe it had been going on for years but Ichigo hadn't told him to pull some prank. "Get these fucking snakes off of me."

What the hell, he didn't even remember dreaming about snakes. He probably hadn't said the word 'snake' in months, so what was that doing floating around inside his head?

"Babe?" He looked around the bed, searching for his living dakimakura. "Babe?" he called again when he didn't see Ichigo in bed with him. He peeked under the covers, finding Ichigo curled up in a ball. Oh no.

That only ever happened for one reason. Ichigo was having a nightmare. Renji stuck his arm into the 'donut-hole' of Ichigo's curled up gut and dragged him up out from underneath the sheets. "Baby, wake up," he said earnestly. He kissed his cheek, crestfallen when Ichigo winced away from his touch and twitched in his sleep. Renji shook him a little. "Wake up, c'mon."

"Shrss," Ichigo murmured, blinking a little.

Ichigo suddenly jolted, scrambling up with a surprised shout. He almost flopped over from how quickly he'd stood up on the wobbly mattress. Then he looked down at Renji, head snapping around. "Where's my dad?! I want my dad!" he said loudly, looking at Renji with wild eyes.

Renji grabbed Ichigo and pulled him down so he wouldn't crack his head on the ceiling. "I want my dad," Ichigo said a little brokenly as Renji pulled him into a hug, holding him as he trembled and calmed down.

"What happened?"

Ichigo muttered something about horses and kings and that creepy demon with white skin. "He said I'm not strong enough... Is it because I'm losing control of everything? Maybe I'm not ready to handle all this... I mean, we're behind on our bills and I might fail my exams. What if he's right and I can't handle this? He said... if I don't stay strong, he's gonna' get me and hurt everyone I care about. What if I go mad?"

"You're _not_ gonna' go mad," Renji said loudly, making Ichigo look at him. "And he's _not_ gonna' get you. All this stress is getting to your head. He's _not real,_ okay? I promise nothing's gonna' happen. You're just stressed out."

"You think so?" Ichigo asked, going boneless and sinking into Renji's arms, letting someone else be the strong one for once. "I hope so... I just... Sometimes I feel like I... I'm... Maybe I... I dunno'..."

"The Ichigo I know doesn't put any stock in dreams having real meaning. Hokum, he'd call it."

"It _is_ hokum," Ichigo muttered spitefully, almost pouting, but still looking spooked.

"C'mon rosebud," Renji mumbled, crawling out of bed and dragging Ichigo to the shower. Ichigo kept telling him about his dream with that nervous face, scowl still gone this early in the morning. Renji undressed him as Ichigo talked, kissing his worried lips every once in a while, not liking how unsure and lost Ichigo looked.

"You're _not_ slipping, Ichigo. It's just a bad dream. We _do_ watch a lot of scary movies. I'm sure it's nothing." Renji pulled Ichigo's shirt over his head and turned on the shower water. "It's alright, okay?" Ichigo seemed a little embarrassed then that he'd freaked out so much, but he didn't say anything because Renji didn't tease him. Renji never teased him when he knew it would really bother him.

He let Renji hug him, and as much as he loved the feeling of skin on skin during sex, this also had its benefits. They weren't all sweaty and panting for one. The skin was soft and warm, and Ichigo could feel Renji's powerful heartbeat rumbling through him. "M'kay, get in there," Renji said, swatting Ichigo's butt once to shoo him into their L-shaped shower. There were glass doors, so he could clearly see Ichigo sit down on the floor with a sigh as he waited for him to finish combing his hair and join him.

Renji held the ends of his hair up in front of his eyes, combing the tangles out as quick as he could. Eventually he barged into the shower, stepping around the sitting Ichigo so he could stand behind him. Ichigo eventually got up and stuck his head under the water, rubbing soap under his armpits.

"Ya' want something for breakfast?" Ichigo asked tiredly. He technically wasn't even supposed to be up this early. Renji was secretly pleased, because he usually didn't really get to talk to Ichigo until after his classes, in the afternoon when Ichigo would finally wake up.

"Maybe some toast," Renji mumbled, kissing Ichigo's shoulder as he tipped Ichigo's head back and put some shampoo in his hair, lathering it up and rubbing his scalp with his fingers.

Ichigo gave a pleased sigh, leaning back into his warm body, liking it when Renji kissed the back of his neck and ran his hands up his slippery chest, holding him in his big arms.

Ichigo quickly rinsed the soap out of his hair, moving out of the way so Renji could wash his own, because Renji took way longer with his hair than he did.

Ichigo still had no idea how on earth Renji could use so much conditioner, but apparently he needed it or his hair would become impossible, and Ichigo _really_ didn't want Renji to cut his hair short. He liked watching Renji move anyhow, especially with all those rippling muscles in his back and that tattooed _butt_.

Ichigo reached out and pinched him, taking an appreciative handful, causing Renji to glance over his shoulder with a half-smile. "Do you remember that time in high school when Izuru got stuck in a window and Hisagi-senpai thought it was me and he pinched Izuru's ass on accident cause' he thought it would freak me out?"

Ichigo started laughing, putting a little conditioner in his own hair, soaping the rest of his body up. "Oh yeah, Shuuhei was so red in the face for the rest of the day. Poor Kira. Kira didn't even come to school for like a week, right?"

"Haha, oh yeah." Renji grinned, washing his hair out, letting it stick to his arms and chest as he combed it through with his fingers. Ichigo smiled, calling him a dork as he tried to part the wet strands to kiss him once.

"Mm," Renji hummed, smiling as he opened the shower door and stood on the mat, leaning in to wring his hair out onto the shower floor. Then he had to try to reach the towel closet without dripping on the bathroom floor too much. He ruffled his hair dry, handing Ichigo his toothbrush so he could brush while in the shower.

"Hmm, we still need to call Yumichika and invite him with us," Renji said, still toweling off his hair as he got out some dental floss for himself. "It's been forever since all of us have hung out. It's kinda' lonely without him."

"Yeah... I feel bad for not inviting him in the first place. Hey, uh... Guess who I ran into yesterday?"

"Momo?"

"No. Uh... I'll give you a hint, and if you don't guess from that, then _wow."_

"What's the hint?"

"Blue hair." Renji looked up at him with a sarcastic and angry look, not knowing why Ichigo was bringing this up now out of seemingly nowhere.

"_That_ bastard? Really?"

The thing with Grimmjow was that Renji straight-up _hated _him. The whole history between the three of them wasn't the greatest. For one, a couple of years back, Grimmjow had been Ichigo's college room-mate and had made it his personal mission to annoy the shit out of Ichigo and make his life hell. Being the supportive boyfriend that he was, Renji didn't like the guy.

Grimmjow was a freakishly competitive person, but it seemed to be geared specifically towards Ichigo. The reason Renji hated the guy so much was that despite all the shit he'd put Ichigo through, Renji knew that Ichigo had a tiny crush on Grimmjow no matter how much Ichigo tried to deny it. Renji knew that Grimmjow was competition, and that was what had taken his dislike up to bitter hatred.

It had happened nearly every day for months. The first time was the worst though. Ichigo had gone from being an irritable person to a fucking _bear,_ and Renji didn't like to think that that frustration was _sexual frustration._

The thing with Grimmjow was that things were fine the first time he and Ichigo met, but then he'd gone and gotten that _thing, _that _thing_ being his personal interest in Ichigo. Grimmjow obviously liked Ichigo and wanted to prove that he was better than him. His approach to accomplishing this was to annoy Ichigo and provoke him into a fight.

That day, Ichigo had come back from classes, entered their two-person dorm, and yelled at Grimmjow to turn his music down. Grimmjow then decided to be an asshole and turn the music _up_, coming into his room and asking him what he'd said. After loudly telling a pointless story about his friends, Loudmouth, Pinkie, Sharkbait, and the Gothtastic-shortie, Ichigo really started to get pissed, because he had to fucking study.

Grimmjow and everything about him was loud, like _shorting out street lights loud._ So Ichigo had gotten that twitchie eye he always got when he was angry and had started yelling, and then Grimmjow had decided to start yelling too. Then Ichigo had made the terrible mistake of shoving Grimmjow, and before he knew it, he was tearing ass out to his car, driving the fuck out of there while Grimmjow chased him.

Renji's direct confrontations with Jaegerjaques never went well, so Ichigo had eventually told him to let him deal with it on his own.

The weeks had then gotten worse, because Ichigo's mood had turned really fucking sour. He'd basically stabbed people with his eyes and snapped over every little thing, threatening to back over people with his car for minor offenses like coughing too loudly.

Renji had eventually convinced Ichigo to get an apartment with him and ditch his room mate, but Renji had always had that paranoid feeling that if Grimmjow really got it in him to be competition, he'd have a fighting chance, because Renji knew there was something about that guy that Ichigo liked, and it _pissed_ him off.

Ichigo's words brought him back to earth. "Hey, don't worry." Ichigo was fully aware of his protective jealousy when it came to Grimmjow, so he tried to put him at ease. "It was actually pretty okay."

"_Pretty okay?"_ Renji repeated angrily, looking at Ichigo sharply to let him know he was on thin ice. "Why are you sayin' this shit to me?"

"You don't gotta' be jealous, I freaking sleep next to _you_ at night."

Renji was then quick to blow off what Ichigo said. "Psh, Jealous? No way, not me. I am not jealous. Not at all. Ever. Not jealous."

Ichigo mumbled something about him being lucky that he's so hot when he's possessive. "Nothing bad happened. He was actually kind of happy to see me."

"Who wouldn't be," Renji said with a sigh, knowing when he was beat. He went to grab some clothes, putting them on on his way back to the bathroom. He put Ichigo's bathrobe on the sink with his rumpled up pajamas, which he'd gathered up from the floor. "Okay, c'mon, Fanta Pants, you're jacking up the water bill."

Ichigo grimaced, retorting with 'Ranga'.

"Firecrotch."

"_Ranga!" _Ichigo loudly said again defensively.

"You already fucking said 'ranga'," Renji said with a laugh, watching Ichigo smile that special smile as he dried off, turning off the shower water.

"Cherry-boy, then."

"Ah! That one broke my self-esteem! You can call me anything you want, but god, not that!" Renji cried dramatically, clutching his heart. Ichigo elbowed him and laughed. Renji grinned, glad to have dragged Ichigo out of his mood.

But Ichigo sighed then, sinking back down into uncertainty. "I just... I feel like I'm falling apart. Do you think I'm... Well, I'm always able to do so much and help everyone and take care of us, but... I feel like I'm gonna'... _break_ or something."

"Anyone's who's going to find his way in the world starts by admitting they're fucking lost. You just need _a _break," Renji said, slinging an arm around Ichigo's wet shoulders, kissing his cheek where Ichigo could watch in the mirror. "Like Toblerone."

"That's the slogan for _Kit-kat's, _you idiot," Ichigo griped, grabbing him gently by his hair to pull him in for a long, close-mouthed kiss. "Mm," he sighed into Renji's lips, talking against his mouth, knowing Renji liked it when he did that. "Do you know what happened to those handcuffs? I think they're lost."

"Oh? Haven't seen them in a long time. Why?"

"For when you give me a turn," Ichigo said with a grin, pleased with the way Renji's eyes got really round, smile spreading over his face. Then he stopped, telling Ichigo again that he really didn't feel like it and that he was still tired.

"I know, but for later. After our vacation," Ichigo said with a grin, kissing Renji's chin. "You'll come home from work and... fall asleep on the couch," he fantasized, and Renji smiled, hugging him close while he listened, "and you'll be really fucking cute because you only snore when you're on the couch... and I'll come out and rub your back for a while and then take you into bed, and let you chain me up and have your sweet way with me."

"Mm," Renji grinned, kissing Ichigo's neck, biting a little. "Sounds real good."

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"When you come home later before we study, do you wanna' make a cake or something? We could read a book or somethin' if you... if you want," Ichigo said with a little flush on his cheeks. Renji looked at him for a moment, heart flipping over. He _loved_ stupid inane stuff like that, because they hardly ever got to spend time together like that anymore. All of those little things like fighting over the TV remote or brushing each other's hair before bed had been disappearing, and Renji really missed it.

"Yeah," he said, looking into Ichigo's brown eyes. He _loved_ those eyes; beautiful, deep, and so vibrant. "I'd like that. You can read me 'Dragon Rider.' Again," he said, right when Ichigo said it flatly.

"Yes, again," Renji clarified as Ichigo rolled his eyes, trying hard not to smile.

"Alright. It's a deal if you rub my feet."

"I have to rub your putrid feet?"

"Oh, don't act like it's that nasty, my feet don't even sweat. It's not like I'm Ikkaku."

"Oh gross, I was only kidding."

"I know." Ichigo pecked Renji's nose and told him to get a move on or he would be too late for that toast before school.

* * *

"Well I don't wanna' be stuck in a bus with a ton of gay guys. That's just nasty."

"I don't see what your concern is," Rangiku said with a dangerous tone. "It's not like any of them would want _you_ anyway." Yumichika knew well enough to remain silent as she confronted her current boyfriend-conquest-whatever you call one of Rangiku's man-friends.

"My problem is _faggots."_ Rangiku slapped him. "Che', you hit like a girl." She then punched him so hard that a tooth came out. "Ooh-hoh," he moaned in pain, getting up off the ground.

"Why thank you," she replied daintily, checking her nails and flouncing away after Yumichika.

Eventually, they'd made it through a bunch of stores, and miraculously Yumichika kept himself from spending too much. "Maybe you should get Gin to come," Yumichika said absently, knowing that the others certainly wouldn't like the man to come along. Rangiku had had this on again off again relationship with Gin for years, and everyone hated him for being a creep and for constantly leaving her with no explanation.

"Maybe I should hogtie him and make him come," she said with a smile. Yumichika looked at her for a while, before smiling sadly.

"How do you... deal with it?" he asked. "How do you stay so positive and not feel empty? You still have it in you to go out and date other people. Doesn't it just _ache?_" He didn't understand how she remained so strong; he hadn't been able to do the same with Kaa. His feelings still remained and it still hurt. It still haunted him at night, and he still remembered the happy times. He wondered how on earth Rangiku's heart couldn't be completely broken.

"Let me tell you something," she said in a serious tone that was much different from her normal cheerfulness. She seemed to realize that her advice was really important to Yumichika, who was trying to deal with the hurt over his breakup. She led Yumichika to a set of chairs inside the big indoor mall they were inside. "Listen very closely," she said, eyes reserved and almost sad. Yumichika listened hard, because he really wanted to have her advice on how to deal with the pain.

"Imagine a wild animal coming into your backyard every day and eating out of your hand," Yumichika imagined a deer or a fox coming and nibbling on his fingers. "It lets you pet it, and you love it so much," Rangiku said with a smile.

"But every night it goes back into the woods... You just want it to sleep at your feet in your room so that you never have to be apart. . . One day you decide you want it with you forever, all the time, so you tie it up to your porch... It's going to try to escape, and it _will_ break free... but do you think it'll ever come back to your yard and let you pet it again?" Rangiku was very somber, looking off into the distance. "No. You can't cage an alley cat that loves to roam." She seemed to grow nearly tearful then, and Yumichika realized that he'd never seen Rangiku cry in all his years of knowing her.

He touched her hand, not wanting her to continue if it was upsetting her this much to talk about. "It'll lose that free spirit that you loved so much about it. That's why," Rangiku said, looking at Yumichika. "I know that whatever he's doing must be important to him, and he wouldn't be the man I love if I asked him to change. Maybe one day he'll see how much it hurts and he'll come back. Maybe. He does come back sometimes," she whispered with a smile, telling Yumichika to be strong about Kaa and that he'd done the right thing in letting him go.

"Things always turn out like they should."

"Maybe you're right."

* * *

Renji came back from classes feeling awake, unlike yesterday. He found a note from Ichigo on the table reading _'I'm out shopping, I'll be back in a couple hours to see you. Watch the house please.'_

Renji left another note, secretly relieved that Ichigo was busy too. He hadn't wanted to burst Ichigo's bubble and tell him that they couldn't spend time together right away. _'I'm at Ikkaku's fixing an outlet and helping him move shit. Call me when you get back and I'll come home. Love you, loser.'_

Renji had been really soul-searchy today, so he was glad when Ikkaku turned his music up loud while they worked, because it gave him an opportunity to reminisce to himself for a while.

While in class that day, he'd been thinking about that time he and Ichigo had had when they were fresh out of high school, having sex in a public bathroom. Now that they were older and less frantic and excited for the newly discovered pleasure of sex, there was no way they would ever do that again, and Renji looked back on the memory with a smile, shaking his head.

Ichigo had given one last pleasured sigh, eyes closed. He could remember being very irritated by that relieved and breathless sigh, and had shouted back at him in irritation, glad that the bathroom was empty. "Don't just sigh! You came inside a' me, you idiot! How dare you?!"

Ichigo had then pulled out, dragging the condom with him. "They'll hear us if you don't shut your big mouth," he'd complained, peeling the condom off, dangling it from his finger, not knowing what to do with it as Renji hiked up his pants with an exasperated sigh.

"You-" Renji had turned around to punch him.

"Shhh, be quiet," Ichigo had said loudly with a bland expression, covering his mouth.

"_You're_ the loud one, you- you-. . . _premature-ejaculator!_" Ichigo's then mouth opened, offended.

"What the hell, Renji?! Why the hell do you think they call it a quickie?"

"Ugh, I'm gonna' get you for this." And Renji _had_ gotten him for it the next night by using his foot to rub Ichigo's crotch while they were at dinner with Ichigo's family.

Renji smirked, then remembering another time when he'd been out playing in the rain. He'd gotten extremely sick, but it had been well worth it. Despite everything Ichigo said about not taking care of Renji if he got sick, Ichigo took _really_ good care of him, which was why some part of Renji enjoyed being ill.

He'd hated it when he was younger, because the doctor's he'd get taken to had been sick and horrible, but it was different now with Ichigo, even if he got so much as a headcold. Ichigo would become very docile and attentive if he was actually sick, and would often stay home with him if he could to take care of him. He'd even sometimes feed him and sit on the floor near him while he watched TV on the couch, being sick and lame and sniffly. Ichigo was the closest thing he had to a real family member, and he just loved the attention, even if he was far too old for that stuff.

Ichigo had helped him blow his nose before, held his hair while throwing up, and iced a twisted ankle. When he'd had a serious fever, Ichigo had even helped him use the bathroom throughout the night and had never complained once. Well, a few times... but the gesture of kindness still stood.

Renji laughed, shaking his head as he stood up, brushing plaster bits off of his greasy work-tanktop. Ikkaku turned the music off.

Renji sighed, wiping his brow, taking off his tool belt. He sat down on the floor for a while by the coffee table Ikkaku had dragged out. It had Yumichika's laptop on it - Renji recognized it because of the stickers on the cover. Then he noticed the album.

"Oh hey." He grinned, dragging it towards him. "Yumichika used to work on this all the time back when he lived with Ichigo an' me..." He opened the book up before Ikkaku could stop him. Part of him didn't feel right about opening it and looking through it, because it felt akin to a diary, but Ikkaku supposed that it wasn't the same thing, since these were just pictures that could be looked at subjectively, rather than reading Yumichika's private thoughts.

"Oh, I remember this," Renji said, pointing at the page. Ikkaku hesitantly got close, sipping a beer. There was an old picture with ripped corners where a child was standing, drinking grape juice with their hair hanging down. "That was before his dad cut his hair off."

"That's Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked in curiosity. "I didn't know he used to have long hair. . . Cute," he mumbled.

"Oh yeah, he had it for a long time. Well... It was long like that in grade school, and then he cut it shorter in middle school, like to his shoulders. That was before his dad decided that Yumichika was too old to act in a way that wasn't... manly, I guess." Renji shrugged a little, voice going quieter.

Ikkaku could see where this was going. He watched Renji flip through the early pages of the album, pointing out certain pictures with little stories. "Even though Yumichika cut it shorter like that, his dad still didn't... That is to say, he got fed up with his... ya' know, Yumichika's _attitude _and the way he is, and he..." Renji sighed, shaking his head, pointing out a picture of little Yumichika putting a flower in a beautiful woman's braided hair, and then there was a subsequent picture of the woman braiding pieces of Yumichika's hair in return, then a really nice photo of them both smiling together at the camera, embracing.

"Him and his mom were really close, and she even delayed his dad for a few years... but eventually he decided it was enough and... Yumichika told me that he came and just held him down on his bed and cut it. It looked _really_ bad. All choppy and uneven. He tried to fix it, but it was past fixing. He didn't come to school for a week... The way he told me about it, I could tell that it really traumatized him or something, because he doesn't let anyone else cut his hair anymore." Ikkaku frowned, a little angry about it.

"What happened? With his family, I mean." He didn't want to ask Yumichika if Yumichika wasn't ready to tell him.

Renji thought for a second or two and then said uncertainly, "Uhh, at some point his dad gave his mom an ultimatum, I think is how Yumichika put it? Either she would disown Yumichika with his dad, or he would divorce her... She still had Yumichika's younger brother to think about, so she did what she had to do."

Ikkaku's eyes went wide. "She really disowned him, wow..."

"Yumichika understands... She still sends him Christmas presents and stuff. Sometimes Ichigo'll invite me an' him over for holidays to his house, since he's alone during that time... Ichigo knows how it hurts ta' lose something... I mean, at least I never had it in the first place, so I can't miss it," Renji said a little bitterly, "but Yumichika had to go through having everything crumbling over his head."

"That's just..."

"It might be why he was so happy to be with Kaa at the start. He really wanted someone to care, and at the time Yumichika equated beauty with kindness... He was going through a very dark difficult time when they met."

"I see." Ikkaku had wondered why on earth Yumichika had ever liked Kaa anyways.

"His dad's wrong though. About Yumichika not being tough, I mean. Have you seen him? He's skinny as hell and he can still drink me under the table_._"

"Oh wow."

"And he can hit really freaking hard when he gets mad," Renji said with a laugh.

"Heh, I was wondering if it was gonna' be tasteless for me to ask him to armwrestle."

"Nah, he'll be up for it," Renji said with a laugh, then calming and looking serious. "I'm telling you, Ikkaku, he's very dear to my heart, and I hope you don't intend to keep that _thing_ hidden from him, or hurt him in any way. I'd hate to have to kill you."

Ikkaku snorted.

* * *

Ichigo was gathering up his books, filing out of the podium-seating style classroom, staring in the direction of the shouting that everyone else heard. When he finally made it through the door, he pushed through the crowd, trying to see what was going on.

"I don't know what the hell your problem is, are you the fucking _hall monitor_ or something? I'm just picking up my friend from class, leave me alone!"

"You're causing a scene, just get out of here!"

"Screw you! Ichigo, hey, _Ichigo, are you over there?! Get over here, I know you can hear me!"_

Ichigo's eyes narrowed, fucking mortified. "What the hell is he doing here?" he muttered to himself as everyone stared at him, murmuring amongst themselves.

Suddenly, Renji stopped shouting, leaving the other guy there bewildered at being ignored, "There you are. I waited forever, and this dipshit kept telling me I couldn't use the drinking fountain!"

"You can't use a drinking fountain_ for that!"_

"I don't even know what the hell you're talking about!" Renji retorted, getting up in the guy's face just as much as the guy was in his.

One of Ichigo's friends that had come from high school just side-whispered at him, "What the hell is your cousin here for?"

"That's not my cousin," Ichigo said, eyes wide and shocked. "What are you _doing_ here, Renji?!" he asked loudly, feeling people's curious stares.

"I came ta' pick ya' up, now let's go, I'm hungry," he said eagerly, ignoring the confused glances of everyone, who didn't know what the heck was going on between Ichigo and this guy who might be an older brother or a friend or something. Renji just towed him along by the wrist, slinging a arm around his shoulder, waving at the staring dopes.

"You're hungry? Why are you here? Did you get bored or something?"

"Yup. You never came back so we could hang out, so I decided to come to you."

"Pfft. You got lonely."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up."

Ichigo got a lot of questions at school the next day.


	16. Chapter 16

The week flew by for Yumichika, and he finally understood the meaning of that saying about time flying when having fun. Living with Ikkaku was really one of his dreams coming true. Back when he'd lived with Kaa, he'd hardly seen the man, who was always out and about getting into shenanigans. It had been more like sharing a room with a college roommate who had night classes. This though, this was probably what people called domestic bliss, or even the 'honeymoon' stage, and that was _completely _different than what he'd experienced, which was more like cohabitation.

Of course, Ikkaku and he were still busy a lot, so obviously they couldn't spend all their time together. Ikkaku was always out, going to babysit Yachiru, going to sword-fighting practice, teaching kids judo, and working in a factory loading packages into semis, not to mention going to his exams. Even with him keeping himself so busy all the time, Ikkaku made effort to spend time with him and really seemed to miss him a lot, which was more than Kaa had ever given him.

Yumichika realized that the idiot often went without lunch, and since he had fewer things to do than Ikkaku, he started making him little snacks and packed lunches with enough sandwiches to tempt the man into taking a break in the middle of his work day. Not to mention that Yumichika wanted to let Ikkaku know that he was grateful for how nice he had been, taking him him in and helping him through his break-up.

Yumichika truly felt appreciated when Ikkaku came home and thanked him for vacuuming, cooking dinner, and picking junk up around the house. After all, Yumichika didn't go to school, having already gotten his requirements out of the way for what he wanted to do. He'd been rather disappointed since his first real opportunity at _really_ and truly becoming a character in a film with a speaking role had been ruined, and he hadn't tried again, knowing that he'd never get another shot like that. His college years had been wasted. Anyways, that left him with some free time to make crafts and collectibles and resell them over the internet, and after his shortened hours at the store, he would watch the house for them, do laundry, and walk around the town until Ikkaku came home.

Yumichika no longer put up a fight about sharing Ikkaku's bed, but he did always get snotty and cold about it when Ikkaku teased him, using the proper amount of resistance even though he did like sleeping next to Ikkaku at night. He hadn't gotten held or snuggled for a long time after all, and it was nice to be treated so sweet, even if it wasn't appropriate given that their relationship was still so new. Besides, Ikkaku was a good bedmate who only snored if he laid on his back. The only problem Yumichika had faced so far was having to shove Ikkaku's arms off him when he moved in his sleep and hit him in the face. Yumichika didn't care.

Even if this whole arrangement that they had going was weird and wrong, Yumichika let himself be selfish and allowed it to continue. It was nice to let Ikkaku love him, even if it was ridiculous.

The best thing was that Kaa had finally left them alone. Yumichika hadn't heard from him or seen him in a straight week, and it was helping him to keep from thinking about their breakup and becoming sad. Having Ikkaku pay attention to him and talk to him all the time was enough to keep his mind off it. Ikkaku knew that it got him depressed, so he always kept them busy, eager to make Yumichika happy with little compliments and awkwardly-nice gestures. It was a comfort to know that Ikkaku wasn't going to let him stew in the dark all alone, spiraling in his own gloom. No, Ikkaku would sit with him and let him talk about if he wanted, and if he didn't, he would brush his hair or hold him until the sadness passed.

Later in the day on Wednesday, Ikkaku was working out in the living room, earbuds in, and Yumichika just lazed around on the couch, moping a little. They'd finally finished with painting the walls and the molding and everything, so all that was left was to let the paint set for a few days, and then they could uncover all the furniture and move it back, or better yet, get some new stuff that they could share, if Yumichika decided to stay. At least that's what Ikkaku was hoping.

"Tell me what all the sighing's about, babe," Ikkaku said calmly, not making it a request or a demand, just putting it out there in the open for Yumichika to take if he chose. He glanced over to Yumichika but didn't make eye contact in case he was bummed and wanted to be left alone. He stood there doing bicep curls, waiting for a reply as he paused his mp3 player. Yumichika just looked back at him, laid out melodramatically, wrist on his forehead in a theatrical gesture of woe. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he moped, looking to Ikkaku for sympathy.

"Ya' wanna' talk about it? I'll listen," Ikkaku offered.

"I guess I'm just concerned about the future," Yumichika replied glumly, picking at his nails to give himself something to do that didn't involve meeting Ikkaku's eyes.

Ikkaku looked back at him for a full three seconds, taking a wild stab at what might be the problem. Yumichika wasn't doing that thing that he did when sad about Kaa, where he would stare off into space, out the window, or into the mirror, so Ikkaku assumed this was something other than 'boy-trouble'. Yumichika was squirming a little and feeling sorry for himself, wanting to do something but being unable to. It gave Ikkaku the sense of someone who wanted to be told that life was passing them by. So he took a drink from his water bottle, speaking. "Call."

"Hm?"

"Your agent, or the film-people. Whoever you used to work with before things fell through. Call 'em."

Yumichika looked at him, deeply conflicted, stomach swimming about in murky twisted circles. Surely Ikkaku must realize that things like that were a one in a million chance that was gone if you didn't leap before looking. Modeling, acting, everything like that, it was a business that doesn't care and doesn't mind. They move on, because there's always another prettier younger face to choose from.

"It's over. I was fired. All that time I spent in the theater troupe in high school, taking drama classes in college, and racking up student loans: it's all wasted. My chance is gone. I can't go back, they won't-"

"Those are all excuses, and you know it," Ikkaku said firmly, but not meanly. Then he gave Yumichika a warning look when he tried to protest. "Call them, Yumichika," Ikkaku said flatly, with a stubborn look on his face. Yumichika pouted sourly, crossing his arms. Ikkaku rolled his eyes. So he'd told Yumichika what was what, and now the poor guy just had to accept it on his own. It was his dream, after all. Ikkaku really wanted the best for him and hoped that things would pan out.

"Good luck," he said with a smile, coming over to his sulking boyfriend and pecking him on the cheek before he went to take a shower and get ready to go.

When Ikkaku left for one of his night exams, Yumichika called, pouting the whole time as if this was his own idea and not Ikkaku's. The stupid bald idiot. This was all his fault. He was stupid and a big jerk, bossing him around. Yumichika was calling because he _wanted_ to. Okay, he couldn't even fool himself.

He clutched the phone as he listened to it ring, stomach tightening up. He didn't want to make a fool of himself now that he'd failed. They wouldn't take him back, of course they wouldn't. He was a loser, stupid, ugly. He was older now, and his qualifications were out of date. He'd never be fit for the big screen or even crappy sitcoms, despite his stunning grades and the recommendations from many producers who had seen him perform back when he was young and crazy, back when his dream had been real.

He broke out in a sweat, biting his lip. He was a complete failure, a washed-up loser who had no chance, but here he was, hoping despite the impossible odds. This time, Yumichika wasn't alone, no. He had a lucky charm now, one that would kick the odds in the ass until they were _even._

Of course, he didn't reach anyone, like he had expected, but he left messages for a few different people. In the morning when he checked his phone, he was excited to realize that his old agency had called back about a new opportunity to get rehired, not for the same project of course, but for something else that the same director was working on. The man had said that Yumichika had a lot of promise and had been so disappointed when he was forced to cut him out and recast his part because of a particular incident. Yumichika found out that he was going to go in for a trial basis next month, with the chance of following his dream once again. The guy was going to send his lines and a description of his role through the mail, so that he could practice.

After hearing that, he'd shrieked at the top of his lungs and did a little dance, jumping onto Ikkaku's bed like a trampoline. He stomped all over the place as he cheered to himself, stepping on Ikkaku a few times. Even though Ikkaku was a complete grouch in the morning, especially after getting trampled, he was truly happy for him when he congratulated and hugged him, telling him that he had known he could do it.

Ikkaku took him out to eat on Thursday night to celebrate his new chance to reach his dream. After that, they'd remembered about their trip the next morning, realizing that they didn't have their suitcases ready. The time had really flown by and caught them unawares.

After another excursion to Yumichika's apartment to empty out the fridge before any food rotted and to open the windows to air everything out, Yumichika gathered some more things to take over to Ikkaku's house, making his living arrangements slightly more permanent. Besides, he needed different clothes and everything he would need to bring on their vacation tomorrow. He was excited when everyone had invited him to come along, not even minding that he had to fork over some cash to help ease the collective financial burden. He hadn't hung out with them in a long time because of a certain someone, and the price was completely worth it.

Lastly, they dropped Haruki off at a friend's house, which belonged to another extremely handsome man that Yumichika knew. Ikkaku watched suspiciously as they handed over Yumichika's pet, who immediately went inside to go sniff at the other cats roaming around. Perhaps Yumichika had forgotten to mention this guy, whoever he was, when he'd been telling him about how Haruki was temperamental and hated strangers.

Yumichika explained that this had been his dorm-mate when he'd first started college, and Ikkaku assumed they'd had a little love affair or something, or maybe that was just how it seemed because of that attitude Yumichika always had and that tone in his voice. Yumichika crawled his fingers up the man's chest, winking, but Ikkaku didn't mind, knowing that it was just Yumichika being himself. Besides, there was another dude in there sprawled out on the couch watching TV who was eyeing them just as suspiciously.

It was harmless flirtation after all, which was in Yumichika's nature to do, and Ikkaku loved Yumichika. He didn't want him to change something that was part of his personality. It was nothing serious, nothing that was a threat, and Ikkaku didn't get jealous, knowing that he overdid it at times. Yumichika was going home with _him _after all.

Ikkaku was so glad that their relationship had been accepted so smoothly, even though it hardly counted as official since it was still so early on. Either way, it was nice to not have to introduce Yumichika to their friends; it kept a lot of awkwardness from happening, and it made things a little better when it came to being strangers. It was easier to become more invested and trusting if there were already roots and common factors planted all over. It was like a safety net almost.

Yumichika was so excited about everything that he could hardly get to sleep that night, babbling on until Ikkaku bluntly told him to give it a rest. He eventually resorted to putting a pillow over his head to try to block out the voice. He was dead tired after his night exam the day before.

When Yumichika kept talking aimlessly for more than ten minutes, he sat up and put a pillow over _Yumichika's _head. "Go to sleep."

Yumichika got him back of course, nearly causing him to fall out of bed when he felt fingers tickling his armpits. "That's what you get," Yumichika said snobbily.

Ikkaku just clobbered him with a pillow to shut him up. Yumichika couldn't let that go either, hitting him back with the other pillow. "Oh, you're askin' for it." They chased each other around the bed and wrestled for a while until they tired each other out and fell asleep tangled up on top of the blankets.

Ikkaku felt that he had hardly closed his eyes when he was bothered again, this time by a much more grating noise than Yumichika's melodious voice. No, this was someone yelling, irritated, banging on their door.

"Hey!… _Hey!"_

Ikkaku groaned groggily in response to the noise, wiping spit off the side of his face. Yumichika mumbled from somewhere nearby, still tangled up with him like the idiots they were.

"Hey, get up." Yumichika just mumbled 'no' and clung onto him, not opening his eyes. "Someone's knocking, get up." Yumichika opened one eye and glared up at him, not moving, obviously needing some coffee. It seemed his attitude needed beauty rest more than his face did, and Ikkaku knew why when he saw that light wasn't peeking out from underneath the curtains yet. It must have been insanely early.

Ikkaku sighed and got up, Yumichika still clinging on and getting dragged with him when he stubbornly refused to give in. "Will you let go already?!"

"No."

Ikkaku sighed. "You're such a fucking brat." A few seconds passed and Yumichika still didn't let go of him, weighing him down in a silent hissy fit of not wanting to go answer the door. "Ugh, fine."

Yumichika grinned and climbed onto his back, and Ikkaku carried him to the front door. He was lucky Yumichika couldn't see his smile, because the little snob would never take him seriously again. He yawned, hitching Yumichika up a little, holding him under his thighs on each side, letting him cross his legs in front of his stomach and his arms in front of his neck. Opening the door, he was ready to scare the hell out of the landlord, or the mailman, or whoever the fuck was up at four freaking thirty.

"What do you w- Oh."

"Yeah, _oh,_" Ichigo retorted crankily, throwing his hands in the air. Ikkaku gave a long-suffering sigh, already anticipating the tirade that was obviously coming. Renji stood there looking the most awake out of the four of them, and he was _definitely_ more alert and level-headed than his poor boyfriend who had obviously had his sleep schedule completely fucked up in the past few days. Honestly, Ikkaku didn't feel any guilt whatsoever about mentally comparing Kurosaki to a zombie. He looked awful. He'd never seen someone have such big dark circles under their eyes.

Ichigo continued on, making Ikkaku glance at Renji for a moment, wondering if they should just knock him out until they were there. Yumichika just stared, holding Ikkaku around the neck, settling his chin on his shoulder. "You guys were supposed to be ready by the time we got here. What the hell?! Now we're gonna' be lat-" Renji put his hand over Ichigo's mouth as Ikkaku muttered something about jinxing it.

"Go back to the car, babe," Renji said calmly, not making any room for an argument.

Ichigo, rather than looking ready to murder Renji, actually looked quite exasperated and almost helpless, dare one say it. It was obvious that he'd been frayed down to the nerves. He _definitely_ needed this break. "But-"

"Go back to the car,_" _he repeated, pointing at the stairs. "No worrying allowed from you, now get going." Ichigo pouted and crossed his arms, stomping his way down the six flights of steps. "Geez..." Renji rubbed a hand over his forehead and then down the rest of his face, starting to look tired. "He's really stressed out, if you can't tell. He didn't get any sleep because he's so used to being awake at all hours of the night, n' now his body's givin' out on 'im… Can you guys hurry up please, because if he blows his stack, I'm probably gonna' lose a limb."

Ikkaku snorted, adjusting Yumichika where he was clinging onto his back like a wallaby. He felt kind of bad for Ichigo, because he was always the one who had a lid on things more than anyone else, but it seemed that he'd just taken on too much of a burden all at once and it was finally starting to show. Hopefully Renji would do something nice for him and get him to sleep most of the way there, because he didn't want Ichigo to have some sort of episode or nervous breakdown.

"Oh, we're ready," Yumichika piped up, much more bubbly now that he'd made himself wake up a little more. "We're all packed, we can go right now."

"In your pajamas?"

"Yes," Yumichika said before Ikkaku could say anything else. He climbed down from Ikkaku's back and went back to the bedroom. Renji's eyes snapped open wide and he gave Ikkaku a side glance. Ikkaku just went red and put a hand over his eyes, saying that it wasn't what it looked like, even though he knew that nobody would believe that.

"You're right. I _don't_ believe that."

"I'd better not be hearing what I think I'm hearing, Renji," Yumichika sing-songed from down the hall.

"Fine, I believe it, but only cause Senpai's such a huge blushing dork," Renji called back, ignoring the finger Ikkaku was shoving in his face.

"Just help us grab our stuff," Ikkaku grumbled as Renji glanced between the two of them with narrowed eyes. Yumichika came back cheerily, not caring about his disheveled appearance. He was excited. He hadn't been on vacation in ages and hadn't been with his friends even longer than that.

After watching him drag their bags out into the hall, Renji finally moved, helping Yumichika heft the heavy cases over the couch blocking the way, piling them up outside. Ikkaku got the house in order, locking cupboards and turning off the AC. He left the rent in an envelope just inside the door, making sure that they hadn't forgotten anything.

Ichigo was pleasantly surprised that they hadn't taken nearly as long as he had anticipated. They were all glad to see that he looked a lot better now that he'd taken a breather, seeming to have realized that maybe he was overreacting. When they made it to the car with everything, Renji let them get in the back seats and wedged their luggage in on top of them. It was a tight fit, not to mention all of Renji and Ichigo's stuff which was already in there, but neither of them cared. Yumichika grinned uncontrollably and wriggled a hand into Ikkaku's. Renji argued with Ichigo for a little while, although it was much more gentle and subdued than usual, but he was still firm in shoving him to the other end of the front seat bench.

"_I'm_ driving," he said adamantly. Ichigo gave Renji such a look that Ikkaku and Yumichika just stared, not daring to say a word. Renji didn't back down, shutting the door, turning on the car. "I know the directions, so just lemme' take care of this," Renji said. "Alright?" Ichigo seemed to go through a great struggle, but then exhaled carefully, sinking into his seat. He became much more agreeable then and was actually quite chatty.

"I can't wait to go swimming," Yumichika said, to Ikkaku's surprise. Now that he was thinking things through, he realized just what that might entail: seeing Yumichika in a bathing suit. That got him quite eager to get going. He'd probably be super fun to play Marco-Polo with.

Renji hummed while he drove, holding Ichigo's hand every once in a while when there were long bits of straight road. It was still dark, and there weren't many people out driving so early, so there wasn't any traffic or mad scrambles to find maps to confirm directions.

Yumichika somehow managed to get something out of one of his bags, fixing his face in a little mirror. Ikkaku watched in half-interest, rather fascinated with how careful Yumichika was and how graceful his fingers were. The annoying thing was that Yumichika kept angling the mirror so that it caught the gleam of the headlights behind them, hitting him right in the face.

"Hey, put that away!"

"Don't shout in my ear, Ikkaku."

"You're flashing a light right in my eye, cut it out!"

"Ugh, you guys," Ichigo whined, trying to block out the noise. Renji was quick to shut them up, knowing that it would be a long day that everyone needed to be rested for.

"Just be quiet, all of you, we're almost there," Renji griped, pulling into a lot, paying a toll at a little window, telling the man that the car was going to be left there all weekend. He pulled up alongside a few of their friends' cars, seeing Iba leaning up against the side of one, and Hisagi inside his own with his headphones in. Rangiku was laid out in the back of her car, seeming to be sleeping. Kira hadn't gotten there yet, as was evident by the absence of their humongous camper.

Before Ichigo could get bothered by this, Renji turned to glance back at Ikkaku and Yumichika, assuring them all, probably mostly for Ichigo's sake. "Alright, he won't be more than a few minutes. Izuru's always on time." That was true enough. Kira Izuru was probably the most responsible out of all of them.

Hisagi got out of the car when they parked, telling them all that Kira was still working, doing a couple of early hours before they'd get on the road. Ichigo seemed slightly unsettled by this perceived delay, but Kira didn't take more than a few minutes, just as Renji had said. He was impossible to miss with his huge RV, which was also towing along Hisagi and Kira's shared silver van. He was still in his UPS uniform, and he looked perky somehow. Hopefully he wouldn't burn out too early in the day.

After Kira parked at the gas station next door to fill up the RV and to use the bathroom, everyone piled their stuff in, finding a place to sit, some on the floor, some on the couches, and some on the bottom bunks of the beds.

Ichigo began scrounging the pickup-truck to make sure that they hadn't forgotten anything necessary, taking a mental run down of everything in their house. Had they left the gas on, any faucets? Had he locked the door? What if his plants didn't survive the weekend?

"Enough a yer' games! Get in the wagon, we're leavin', Dandelion!" Ichigo gave Renji the finger, but took his hand to get a leg up into the camper-van. After about ten more minutes of making sure everything was in order, Kira finally came back with a huge cup of coffee and slammed the door to the car. Double-checking to make sure that everyone was inside, they got on the road, and Ichigo fell asleep for about a half an hour, to Renji's relief.

The moment Renji shifted position, however, Ichigo snapped awake again, this time paranoid about missing something. When the initial excitement of starting the trip died down, everyone settled in to do some various activities during the drive, or to simply sleep a while and rest up so that they could enjoy the amusement park later in the day.

Hisagi was up front with Kira, glancing up to him every few seconds as he looked over the maps, making sure that they'd agreed on a route so that there wouldn't be any trouble with getting lost. He was counting down the exits on the freeway probably enough to make any normal person lose their mind. Ikkaku could admit that sometimes Hisagi was more of a nut about that stuff than Ichigo. Luckily, Kira was in possession of super-human patience, and just smiled, chattering back to Hisagi, who eventually put the maps away when it became clear that Kira knew how to follow road signs.

If he needed any help, he would ask after all, as Kira wasn't afraid to ask for directions, unlike some people. Shuuhei began editing newspaper articles, balancing a clipboard on his knee. As the minutes crawled by, he contorted in his seat, eventually working on the floor near Kira's feet, mumbling to himself, sometimes sticking his pencil in his mouth. Yumichika had to admit that it was cute how Shuuhei stuck out his tongue when he was writing. Ikkaku was just glad that he wasn't playing that wretched guitar of his.

Iba was playing a handheld game, drinking a beer, because it was five o' clock, after all. Renji was watching Schoolhouse Rock tapes on Yumichika's little box TV, completely enthralled even at his age, as he'd never seen them before. Ichigo was fidgeting close by, still on the verge of konking out and sleeping enough to be thought of as a hibernating bear or a comatose hospital patient.

Ikkaku and Yumichika were huddling over something and talking quietly, seeming to be playing with pick-up sticks in an insanely competitive manner. Rangiku was splayed out miserably on the bottom bunk of the bed that was closest to everyone, not having spoken to anyone. Everyone just left her alone, letting her sleep under her blanket.

"Just relax, babe. It's gonna' be a long day today."

Ichigo didn't seem to know what to do with himself now that all his stressful distractions were gone, finding it difficult to enjoy watching King George the third get a bucket thrown over his head, even though Renji was laughing into his hands loudly enough to make Rangiku whine in annoyance. Ichigo somehow snagged one of Hisagi's stray maps after the guy had finished with his articles. As soon as Renji noticed, he snatched it away and threatened to hurl it out the window.

"What the hell?!"

"It's not your problem, Ichigo. Let someone else handle it."

Luckily, Hisagi nabbed it back before the thing could actually make it out the window, glaring at them, then rolling his eyes.

"Quit looking for things to stress out over and relax already. Relax… Please."

"Alright, I'm trying," Ichigo sighed, letting Renji sit behind him and rub his back a little while watching the grammar tape. By the time they'd gotten to the part about the kid and the turtle getting scared by a bear, Ichigo had gone boneless and flopped back against Renji's chest, dozing a little. At least that was until Ikkaku practically speared him in the foot with one of the colored kebob sticks he and Yumichika had been playing with.

"Watch it!" Renji snapped in irritation, right into Ichigo's ear. Ichigo cringed, but didn't let it bother him, allowing his heavy eyelids to close and for Renji's strong arms to hold him like a warm blanket. Renji was right, screw getting pissed. It wasn't his problem; Renji would take care of it and get them to shut up. He didn't have to do anything. He could finally sleep. It wasn't selfish. He deserved this break. "Dude, that's not how you play it."

Ikkaku just glared at Yumichika, who was laughing smugly as if he had won some demented version of the game. Ichigo took a nap for a while, feeling much better after sleeping for an hour or so. By that point, Yumichika had gotten out one of his ancient plug-in TV games that had taped wires and a joystick and everything.

Of course, no one could beat Yumichika's score at Bosconian. Renji came the closest, playing the game for nearly forty minutes before all his little spaceships finally died. He and Yumichika had used to play the game together after all, so he'd had the most practice. When the controller got passed to Ichigo, he played Galaga a few times, letting his worries fade away. Besides that, Renji was rubbing his scalp and pulling on his hair so nicely, sending relaxing tingles all the way down his neck.

Yumichika peeped over at Rangiku, who hadn't been her normal bubbly self. "What's the matter, dear? Are you alright?" Rangiku just moaned miserably, asking for Yumichika to bring her purse over to her. Yumichika knew what was wrong right away. They must have planned the trip at a very bad time. Poor girl. It was no wonder that she didn't even want to move. Hopefully it wouldn't be so bad that she wouldn't be able to go swimming with them.

"What do you need, I'll get it," Yumichika said awkwardly so she wouldn't have to move.

"Chocolate," she muttered.

"Does anyone have any chocolate?" Yumichika asked around. Hisagi gave up some for a good cause, letting Rangiku eat some of it even though she was nauseous and grey in the face. Yumichika lay on the mattress next to her in silence, unable to really sympathize other than to let her borrow some pain pills and play with her hair.

When they stopped at a rest stop, Rangiku opted to use that bathroom instead of the one in the truck, taking almost twenty minutes to come back.

As they waited for her, everyone got out of the camper and walked around the rest stop, which was next door to a campground. Ichigo and Renji sat down at a picnic table, watching their friends wander around. Yumichika was reading a magazine inside, and they watched as Ikkaku snuck up on him and surprised him, causing Yumichika to whack him in the arm.

"Do you ever think about… how long this is gonna' last?" Renji asked, growing serious. He wanted to hold Ichigo's hand, but they all were much more docile in public, not letting outsiders know just what their relationships were. They probably appeared to be a big group of frat-house roommates going on a trip together, and that was the way they wanted to keep it.

"Sometimes," Ichigo answered, considerably less tired now that things had settled down. Renji looked back into his eyes, heart compressing as he made himself get into the sticky topic that he'd been brooding and obsessing over for months.

"I mean… how long are we gonna' be happy like this… If all of this will just fade away into nothing… and I wonder a lot whether things are going to go back to normal, from how difficult they've been lately… This past year was a lot of stress on you, and… I… I just wonder sometimes if… I don't know, forget it."

"I know what you mean." Ichigo looked back at him for a moment, watching Iba smoke and lean up against a snack machine, getting something for Rangiku for when she came out of the bathroom. Hisagi and Kira were inside the building, looking at travel brochures and other stuff. There was something nice about watching how smooth things always were between them. They were always smiling, calm, peaceful together, and sometimes Ichigo grew jealous, wishing that things could be the same between him and Renji, even though he loved their easy arguing. Things had just been so hard lately, even with the relief of having it all over with now that they were on summer break.

"I… Going back to my nightmares, I… I think about whether it's all gonna' make me snap and that… I'll break… this," he mumbled.

"Hey," Renji muttered, trying to make Ichigo look up at him. Ichigo did, looking heartbroken and lost. "I love you, alright? I know I say it a lot, but it's because I know sometimes you're just hearing it and not actually listening. Just try and believe that I really love you. Even the parts of you that you think I couldn't possibly like, I love those too. We've gone through enough crap that there isn't really anything left that could make me want to end all this. Your nightmares'll go away once you get a chance to calm down for a few weeks…"

Ichigo nodded uncertainly, meeting Renji's eyes hesitantly.

"I'm happy, alright? Even if you're not happy, _I_ am… I'm happy like this, and I don't… I don't want this to end. As far as I can see into the future, I want you to be there still in my life."

"Gimme' a kiss," Ichigo said flatly, not even regarding the fact that he hated even _insinuating_ that they were lovers in public. Renji leaned in swiftly and pecked him once on the lips before anyone had a chance to notice. Then they got up and went inside to take a look around.

Ikkaku grinned, watching them pass by as he sat on a cement bench near some potted plants. Yumichika was next to him, still reading his magazine, humming a little and sitting just a _little_ closer than necessary, legs crossed and bouncing away to the music playing over the intercom. It was air-conditioned and it smelled nice, and the music reminded him of an elevator. Ikkaku grinned, looking around at their friends. He felt like he finally had what he'd been so jealous of for so long.

"Hey. Are you taking this seriously?"

"Hm? No, I never take you seriously. You're stupid," Yumichika said absently, teasing him as he kept reading whatever he was so interested in. Ikkaku had suspected it was something ridiculous like _Cosmopolitan_, but it appeared to be an article about supernovas.

"Oh, shut up," Ikkaku griped, pinching Yumichika's arm. "C'mon, listen," he whined.

"What do you want?" Yumichika asked lightly, looking up to him. Ikkaku couldn't help but smile, overcome with a desire to hug the hell out of Yumichika. He didn't have to watch Renji and Ichigo argue together and watch each other's backs, or see Kira and Hisagi huddled together making plans and getting each other coffee. This was finally _his, _and Yumichika had given him that.

"… I know it's only been a few days and everything, but…" Ikkaku looked up and gestured to Renji and Ichigo. Renji was standing close to him, holding out a pamphlet and pointing something out. Ichigo was reading it and talking back to him, glancing up at his lover's face with a grin.

"I want something like that… I always have, like some lonely loser," Ikkaku muttered heatedly, looking into Yumichika's eyes. "I mean… this all happened so fast, and I don't wanna' be a creep or anything… but… I just wanna' tell ya' that this isn't casual dating for me… I want… I just," he tried to explain, sighing. "We're not there _yet_, but I want to be, okay?"

Yumichika looked back at him for a moment, before smiling. "You are a gem, Madarame Ikkaku, you really are," he mumbled, turning back to his magazine with a teasing smile. Ikkaku grinned. Yumichika put one of his arms behind his back and held out a pinkie. Ikkaku took it with his own, grinning even wider, probably looking like an idiot to passersby.

"You're saying you want to pursue this long-term," Yumichika said after a moment, looking up, dropping his aloof façade. "That's what you're saying."

Ikkaku looked back at him, noticing how closely their faces were placed. With all these people around, he didn't dare try to kiss Yumichika, but oh, he wanted to. "Yeah… I said that I love you… I'm not gonna' take it back or say that I didn't mean it, cause' that'd be a lie… I told you that I haven't dated… I never wanted to date, because I have such a hard time bein' nice ta' people. Even my own family can hardly stand me… but… All that time I was alone. . . Look, I don't have the best past," he confessed, "and it took a lot for me to get where I am today, and I did all that pretty much on my own, but I don't _wanna' _do it alone anymore… I want to do so much for you… love you to death, spoil you. That's why I just wanted to say it. I don't want to wait until it's too late, or mislead you about my intentions or something."

Ikkaku bit his lips, dropping the gaze. "Do you get what I'm saying?…"

"I hope you don't mean that you took the first thing that came along and gave you a chance." Yumichika trailed off when Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

"No way, you idiot. Try an' remember the look on my face when we first met. I probably looked stupefied. You're a perfect piece of shit, you fucking moron, and I love it. I love _you._"

"How romantic," Yumichika raised his eyebrows at his rough way of going about things, holding back laughter as he curled his finger tighter through Ikkaku's. He went back to reading his National Geographic magazine, ignoring Ikkaku's crazy smile and sparkling eyes. It was sappy, but somehow it didn't really remind him of any movie he'd ever seen or of a love book he'd ever read. He could still have the mystery and suspense of his old club-hopping on-the-edge life with Kaa, but with the security and commitment that Ikkaku was eager to give. It was a perfect balance.

Ikkaku settled in near him so perfectly, and just picked up where Yumichika's eyes were following on the page, finally getting into the smooth companionship that he'd admired so much from Izuru and Shuuhei. It was nice to finally have his dream right in the palm of his hands, glowing, finally ready to lead him out of the dark forest of uncertainty that life had grown around him. He finally got why everybody went so stupid from love. It felt so great.

"Okay, c'mon guys, we're leavin'," Hisagi called from somewhere. Yumichika looked up, seeing Rangiku finally coming out of the bathroom and walking back over to the glass door of the building. Everyone in their party got up and followed them outside, piling back in the van.

Yumichika saw how grey and clammy Rangiku was and assumed that she'd thrown up. He gave her some mint gum to calm her stomach, but she seemed to be feeling much better already, finally getting more peppy and chatty, babbling to everyone about how much of a loser the guy she'd intended to bring was. Yumichika agreed that the guy had an ugly personality _and_ an ugly face.

Even though they'd been driving for a few hours, having only stopped a couple times to eat and get gas, it was only about nine o' clock so far, and Yumichika asked Hisagi to check how much longer they would have to wait. After learning that they'd probably be there at about eleven, everybody pooled their share of the money, dividing it up to pay for the fixed costs of their hotel rooms, the amusement park tickets, their meals, and other things like groceries and gas. The bits left over were divided evenly again for anything extra like snacks or gift shop crap or any of the other fun things that the water park had. Considering how much it would've cost if they'd gone individually, their stay would be relatively affordable.

Ichigo was less concerned about money now since there was one more of them coming along. The guy Rangiku had been planning to bring would have been a freeloader after all, since he wasn't part of their circle of friends, and Yumichika was a paying companion. Besides that, Yumichika was sensible like he, Kira, and Hisagi were, and it would be nice to have another person on his side to keep the more rambunctious of their friends in control. After all, they weren't a _gang_ and they didn't want to end up getting in brawls or gambling or something. There needed to be a few of them sober and rational enough to keep them from losing crap or forgetting their room numbers or something.

They had just started to get into playing Truth or Dare when they crossed the state border.

"Okay, you guys, just be quiet, we'll play that later. We're nearly there," Hisagi called back, still sitting up in the front with Izuru. Yumichika gave a little cheer, cuddled up on the bed with Rangiku and Ikkaku, watching 'The Black Cauldron' on his little TV. He abandoned them in favor of crawling over to a window to look out at the huge billboards that they were passing by, which were advertising vacation hot spots. It only took a few more minutes for them to pull up to the waterpark, which was a big tan building with red words on the side. There were waterslides popping out of the building, and as they pulled in, they passed by a large pond filled with ducks and other birds, which was there to make the place look more attractive.

"Holy shit, it's big," Renji said, who was thoroughly impressed, as he'd probably gone on the least vacations of all of them, being from an orphanage.

"That's what she said," Ichigo mumbled.

"Can it!" Ichigo just laughed as he was cuffed over the head.

"It _is_ supposed to be the biggest indoor water park in the country," Yumichika informed Renji, face close up to the glass, grin wide and excited.

"Oh wow," Renji said, nose pressed to the glass now as well. Yumichika smiled wider. He loved to swim; he couldn't wait, even though he knew they would only be sleeping here tonight, spending the day at the amusement park next door.

They pulled up in front of the front doors, getting in line behind a white pick-up truck. The valets looked intimidated, but Kira just threw them into park and told everyone to get their rears in gear and unload everything, even if it wasn't their own stuff.

It took them about three minutes, since everyone was glad to finally get out of the confined space. Kira went out to the big parking lot, rather than the ones close-by to the hotel space. A few bellhops lent them some luggage racks. Hisagi and Iba went inside to get them checked in, and everyone else sat around in the lobby with their luggage, waiting for Kira to come back.

It was really tempting to try to slip away, since the lobby was connected to a bunch of little areas, including a candy shop, a gift shop, the buffet area, the hallway leading to the hotel rooms, and a staircase that led down to the arcade area, the outside resort, and the indoor waterpark. Not to mention that there was a little section in the lobby that had a baby tiger and a zookeeper helping people with taking pictures. The tribal decorations and animal figures were fascianting, and if Yumichika stood on his tiptoes, he could see across the hectic lobby towards a large glass window wall which showed a bird's eye view of the indoor part of the waterpark. It was so big that he couldn't see the back wall from this angle. What he could see was a lot of people having fun.

Izuru had seen fit to run all the way back across the parking lot and the bridge over the duck pond, not wanting to keep everyone waiting. He dragged himself inside to tell everyone what the plan was, gasping for air. He took over with watching the luggage, panting, telling everyone that had been waiting there to go get his van and drive over to the nearby Walmart and buy some snacks and swimming supplies.

He gave them the keys to his silver van, being careful to keep the ones for the RV, calling Rangiku over to go with them. Iba decided to stay there with Kira, knowing that he and Hisagi alone wouldn't be able to get all the luggage upstairs. From there, they would take all their stuff to their double suite, and then would call them to tell them their room numbers so that they all could find each other again.

Everyone got back outside, walking down the steps near an artificial waterfall, going onto the bridge over the beautiful pond that was complete with two fountains and a horde of swimming birds. By that point, no one was cranky or sleep-deprived anymore, too pumped up to be anything but cheery and excited as they went across the sunny parking lot.

Renji was glad they had found something else to do, because checking into hotels was usually a stressful matter, and this was yet another way he could keep Ichigo away from stuff that he didn't need right now. Hisagi and Kira were the ones who had the patience to wait in lines with noisy families. Besides, their room might not even be finished being cleaned by the time they checked in.

The RV was easy to find, since it took up two parking spaces and needed to be parked pretty much at the back of the big lot. It was a long walk, but nobody minded being able to burn off some energy. Besides, the weather was gorgeous, with the perfect amount of sun and cooling wind, not too bright or overwhelmingly hot. Renji unhitched the van and nominated himself as the driver, letting everyone get inside and buckle up before he asked Ichigo to get out a map on his phone so they could find the Walmart.

He pulled back out onto the long stretch of straight road, continuing on in the direction they'd been driving on the way towards the hotel. "Okay, Kira said it's just along this road, so everybody be on the lookout, alright? Ichigo, can you look up some nearby restaurants? With all of us here, the buffet'll get pretty expensive, so we're only gonna' go the couple times that our coupons'll cover."

"Alright." This was a better way to let Ichigo help, since it was less stress, but still enough to make Ichigo feel like he was contributing. The poor guy hated feeling useless.

They passed a strip mall that had a 'Rainbow Buffet', a 'Texas Roadhouse', and Yumichika pointed out a 'Sonic'. Of course, there were all the normal fast-food places as well, but they didn't really want to eat at a place like that for dinner. Ikkaku mentioned that most hotels had an in-room menu and would bring pizza up if you called for it.

When they found the Walmart, barely in time for Renji to still be able to make the turn, they pulled in and parked in the closest spot to the entrance that they could find. Then they all got out and stretched in the sun, going into the store and separating into different groups. Ikkaku and Rangiku were in charge of the food, which admittedly probably wasn't the best idea, given their reputation for eating tons of junk food. Renji and Yumichika were looking for extra things like towels, sun lotion, goggles, and special waterproof bags that they could seal their phones and cameras inside of. Ichigo flitted between the groups, making sure that everything would fit the budget of the money they'd allotted for this purpose.

Yumichika and Renji took the carts up to the register while Rangiku went to get some last minute hygienic supplies. When she came back, Ichigo made the purchase, and Ikkaku went to get the car ready so that they could load everything in straight away.

When they got out there, Ikkaku was waiting, steamed and with his arms crossed. He had a nasty bruise. Renji just grimaced, not surprised. Yumichika gasped, going over to him in concern.

"Oh my goodness, what happened to you?"

"I got in some traffic," Ikkaku said bluntly, not elaborating further, still looking pissed.

"Traffic gave you a black eye?" Renji asked skeptically.

"No, I got in a fight." Ichigo shared a look with Renji, raising an eyebrow. Yumichika asked them what they were going on about, not wanting to be left out of the loop.

"He fights a lot, doesn't he? You guys don't look very surprised." Rangiku snorted, loading groceries into the car. "Why is he always fighting?"

"He's just irritable. He can't help it," Renji said oh-so-helpfully, saying it like it was something Yumichika had to get used to, because it wasn't going to change any time soon. Yumichika gave an understanding hum, nodding his head with an 'I see' expression.

"Ikkaku, darling, have you ever heard of conflict avoidance?" Yumichika asked sweetly and a bit patronizingly, causing Renji and Ichigo to practically choke. Rangiku openly laughed. Ikkaku just groaned, telling them to get their shit in the car.

"Who's got the sweetest disposition?" Renji sing-songed. Ikkaku eyed him as if to say 'you'd-better-not', but he kept going, getting Ichigo to join in once he caught on to what he was teasing him with. "One guess, guess who."

"Who never never starts an argument, who never shows a bit of temperament?" Ichigo sang back, trying not to laugh, just glad that Renji was using this on Ikkaku and not him. It pissed him off when Renji held this over his head, because it fit him too, not just Madarame.

"I'm going to bury you both alive," Ikkaku said flatly, eyes narrowed. Yumichika just burst into giggles, catching on.

"Who's never wrong, but always right?" Rangiku piped up from somewhere in the back of the car, arranging the groceries so that the easily crushed stuff like bread and chips were on top.

Yumichika teased Ikkaku and pulled on his ear. "Who'd never _dream_ of starting a fight?"

"Oh god, not you too."

"Who gets stuuuck with all the bad luck? No one but this stupid fuck," Ichigo finished, high-fiving Renji.

"Okay, you've had your fun, now get in, you bunch of assholes." Yumichika and Renji just stared at each other, looking back at Ikkaku and putting on sunglasses in almost perfect sync. "You guys are such trolls." They started snickering, and Ikkaku couldn't help but laugh too. "God, get me some new friends."

After they got back to the resort, they all lugged their plastic bags across the parking lot and through the lobby. It took them a minute to figure out the right way to go, eventually going down a hallway past the large glass window wall that they could see the humongous indoor waterpark through. There were slides and play areas for children, a zip-line-ride, a wave pool, a few different shops that were selling fruity alcoholic drinks, an indoor hot-tub that connected to the outdoor one, and a little 'Dippin' Dots' stand. There were so many things to do that they couldn't even see it all through the window. The back wall was visible in the far distance, and Yumichika was already breathtaken by the amount of detail and care that had gone into the paint. The next day would probably be spent gaping, wondering how on earth someone had done such a perfect job, and on such a large scale. He couldn't wait to see it closer up.

Yumichika smiled, looking at how many different kinds of people there were in this place. There were nice families on vacation, wedding parties, little dark-skinned girls with cute little beaded braids, and women who were wearing head-coverings and black clothing that covered them up completely. There were little babies toddling around in life jackets and parents carting their kids around, foreign tourists glued to their cameras, not to mention lots of girls in bikinis and young boys racing to get in line quicker than their friends.

He loved the atmosphere of places like this, like airports or concerts, all with so many people mutually enjoying the same things. It was so nice just to breathe in the energy of the place, and it reminded him of when he'd been younger, climbing up into cherry trees on his aunt's farm, sitting up there and listening to the hum of bumblebees swarming throughout the orchard. It sounded like raw happiness. It made him feel very zen, to be someplace like this.

Their room was reportedly on the fourth floor, so they all piled into a free elevator, practically unable to fit because of all the crap they were carrying. Yumichika was shoved up against the button panel, but still managed to hit the glowing 'four' button without dropping his grocery bags. After a short silent ride up the floors, they all got out with a lurch, parting through a large family who were excitedly chattering and holding swimming toys, pool noodles, and little surfboards.

By that point, their arms were ready to fall off, but their room was nearly on the very end of the long hallway. They must've passed at least a few hundred rooms before they made it to room '4250'. Renji knocked by kicking on the door, unable to do anything while holding onto his bags. Hisagi opened the door and let them pile their stuff in the center of the room.

Kira and Iba were in the room next door, which was connected by a door between the two suites. One of them had two large beds, and the other only had one, but they all would still fit, presuming that the couches turned into beds.

Kira and Hisagi had moved all their luggage together as best as they could recognize whose was whose, putting Renji and Ichigo's stuff on one bed and Yumichika and Ikkaku's on the other, Rangiku's on the couch, and Iba's and their own in the smaller room.

They all got the food out of the grocery bags and put the perishables in the little mini-fridges, and then took a little rest to gather whatever they wanted to bring to Cedar Point from their suitcases. A few of them changed into their swimming trunks, keeping a shirt on top, and Rangiku put on her yellow one-piece under her t-shirt and jean-shorts in the bathroom. Ikkaku changed into his stripey red trunks, waiting for Yumichika to come out of the other bathroom so they could get going.

"Hey, don't wear that stupid thing," Ichigo griped when Renji adjusted his tacky headband while looking in the mirror. For some reason, their rooms had that typical hotel feature of having a sink outside the bathroom instead of inside, and as such, there was a large mirror on top of the sink, which was right next to the door. Rangiku edged her way in, fixing her lip gloss next to Renji.

Renji looked at Ichigo through the mirror but didn't pause in tying the fruit-printed cloth over his tattoos. He put on his sunglasses and got a bag that was easier to carry, putting his stuff inside, looking through Ichigo's suitcases too.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, okay?"

"That doesn't make me wrong." Renji just rolled his eyes, putting a bottle of suntan lotion, their wallets, their room-keys, their phones, and their camera in the bag, handing it to Ichigo, who liked to be the one to hold onto their stuff. Renji smiled a little when Ichigo checked his own hair in the mirror, their stuff over his shoulder.

He fondly leaned in and nuzzled Ichigo's cheek, but was shoved away adamantly. After a moment of silence, he weasled on over even closer with a mischievous grin.

"Get away from me with that."

"With what, my face?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, whoops, am I still doing it?"

"You know you're doing it, stop smirking!"

"Hey, pipe down," Rangiku whined, who had a headache. She took another Midol, apparently forgetting her troubles quickly, because she squealed when Yumichika came out of the bathroom. "Oh, I can't wait to go on the rollercoasters!" Yumichika grinned excitedly too; he'd forgotten how much he loved to spend time with his friends, especially Rangiku, who he had used to see horror movies with all the time. They would both cling to each other and scream, flinging popcorn in the air at the scary parts. She would be perfect to go on a roller coaster with.

Ikkaku's eyes were bugging out of his head as he looked Yumichika up and down. He wasn't wearing a Speedo or anything, but his boarding shorts were probably more appropriately named _swim-shorts_, because they ended at the middle of his thigh instead of at his knee. They were dark blue, and Yumichika was also wearing a swimming shirt that doubled as a normal t-shirt. It was black with a skull on it that was made up of a bunch of tiny x's. Apparently Yumichika didn't like to tan. The pretty picture was complete with reflective shades and pink bubblegum. Fuck, it just made Ikkaku fall in love with him all over again. What a complete brat. Un-fucking-real. Should Yumichika ever ditch his film career, he could give Kaa a run for his money working for Calvin Klein.

Nah, screw that, it would eat up too much of Yumichika's time, and Ikkaku didn't want to relinquish his claim on that, not now that Yumichika was in his life just like how Renji was in Ichigo's. He didn't want to go back to not being able to see him every day, even though he'd literally only had to live that way for one day so far since they'd met.

"Ikkaku, are you ready?" Yumichika asked, wondering why he was just standing there, not realizing he was in the middle of a mental monologue.

"Oh, uh… yeah, I'm ready," he said quickly, grinning and slinging an arm over his shoulder. They were just waiting on Kira now, who was trying to dig his swimming suit out of his bag, without rumpling all of Shuuhei's folded clothes. It was weird, because as far as Ikkaku knew, Izuru couldn't swim.

"For the love of pineapples," Renji muttered, too jittery to wait any longer. He'd never been on a roller coaster before and he was rearing to go. That was another of those things that he'd always wanted to do as a kid, but hadn't been able to. Ichigo would never admit it, but he loved that enthusiasm of his and the fact that he was able to experience 'firsts' with Renji quite often.

"C'mon, Yumi, Let's go wait in the car," Renji called, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out into the hall with him, swiping him from Ikkaku. They took off pretty quickly, chattering to each other like they had always used to. They'd been really close friends when they were younger, so it was nice for them to get to catch up now that Kaa wasn't coming between them.

Ikkaku let them go, grinning to himself as he took the opportunity to discreetly open a pack of Oreos and eat some, putting the sticker back into place. It looked like someone had already had that idea, because a couple were already missing.

Ichigo waited around for Hisagi and Kira in the room, and Ikkaku wandered around the lobby for a while with Iba and Rangiku, looking at the baby tiger until they saw the rest of the stragglers make it downstairs with them.

The ride to Cedar Point was exceedingly short, because the resort was basically next door to the amusement park. Since there weren't enough seats in Kira's van, they were all packed in pretty tight, some of them sitting on the floor in the aisle.

Waiting for a parking space and getting tickets had been difficult, as there was a long line, not to mention that the park was busiest at the time they'd arrived, which was about one o' clock. Ichigo stood with Hisagi as they got the tickets, watching Renji, Yumichika, and Rangiku chatter excitedly to each other. Iba, Ikkaku, and Kira were still parking the car, obviously not finding a spot very close to the entrance.

The sun was beating down, setting Renji's hair aglow. His boyfriend had on dark blue swimming trunks and a white t-shirt, holding their bag over his shoulder and grinning at Yumichika, dark shades hiding his eyes.

Ichigo grew nostalgic and fond as he looked at that gorgeous smile, that loud hair color, and that musclebound frame, appreciating just how lucky he was to have Renji. The guy was good-looking, smart, funny, and had been exceedingly patient with him lately. There was no reason for him to be jealous of anyone else, no, not while he had Renji in his life. Renji was a great guy. He'd gotten really lucky. Ichigo smiled a little, a wave of affection rolling through him, not even minding that Renji always turned heads for a lot of different reasons in places like this. Not only were there interested lusty eyes, but also disbelieving and ticked off ones, not to mention suspicion.

Aside from Renji's gorgeous face, the second thing that people noticed besides the hair was his tattoos. There were always those nay-sayers who would grumble about attention-whores, not knowing about Renji's personal reasons for getting them. It bothered Ichigo when people gave Renji that distasteful sneer, knowing just how sensitive Renji was about his appearance. Seriously, the guy made it a point never to take his hair down outside of their house, and would drive himself absolutely nuts if he didn't have some sort of headband. Renji was _not _seeking attention, especially not from park-security, who were probably thinking that where there was smoke, there's fire. Ichigo didn't care, though. If there was a problem, things would diffuse the moment the cops heard Renji's steady voice. He was well-spoken and respectful at the right moments, not sounding like the delinquent that he looked like.

Ichigo blinked when Renji caught him staring and sent him a questioning glance. "Is there a bug on me?"

"Nah, you just look stupid," Ichigo said back. Even though he couldn't see through Renji's shades, he knew he was rolling his eyes.

Almost immediately after getting the tickets, Rangiku and Yumichika were running off in the other direction, running through turnstiles because there wasn't any line for the ride closest to the entrance for some reason. It seemed it had just been opened after a maintenance check, and they'd been passing by at the right time.

Ikkaku just rolled his eyes, mumbling that they were stealing his luck without thanking him. He chatted with Hisagi about meeting places and how much time they were going to have to themselves. The plan was for everyone to split up and do what they wanted for about an hour, and then they would meet at one of the restaurants for a late lunch.

After about half an hour of walking around with Ichigo, who was finally relaxing and enjoying himself, Renji found himself inside a dark arcade with him, playing South Park pinball and losing spectacularly. Ichigo sat at the bar with his Powerade, spinning from side to side on one of the stools as he watched him curse and hammer frantically at the controls. Yumichika showed up again and got into a death match with Renji over a side-by-side Pacman machine that was in mint condition considering its age.

"I've been playing this since you were still losing teeth, you have no chance!"

"Oh come on, you're only like one year older than me, you idiot!"

When Renji looked up, Ichigo was looking extremely shy, since a woman was chatting him up, flirting with him a little. He didn't yell at her to get away though, smiling a little and talking back, probably getting her name wrong even though he was making an effort to be friendly. Renji just grinned, shaking his head. She must be nice if she could drag a smile out of his scowly boyfriend. After another few games, the three of them left the arcade, going back out into the blazing sun.

Ichigo was fiddling around in his pockets, looking embarrassed, probably having been handed the girl's number. Renji didn't mention it, knowing that Ichigo probably felt guilty, because the girl had seemed nice. Renji just smiled a little, relaxing as he watched Ichigo fidget as they walked. At this point in their relationship, he knew better than to get jealous and exert possessive protective behavior when there was no real threat. He knew how much it bothered Ichigo to suggest anything towards their relationship in public, even in front of their friends to an extent, and of course, he'd never embarrass Ichigo on purpose if it was something really personal like that.

He fucking loved Ichigo and his stupid crankiness and his stupid argumentative attitude. He was a stubborn dumbass who got blushy over the stupidest things, but he loved him, seeing his good points and realizing how rare he was. It made him want to hold his hand even if he'd get beat up for being soft in public. Not by strangers, but by Ichigo himself.

"Oi! Intimacy is difficult at this range," Renji called to Ichigo who was walking on his far side. Ichigo just glared.

"Shove it. You're gonna' get sunburn on your tongue."

"Are you saying I talk too much?"

"Am I?"

"You two, my goodness," Yumichika mumbled, messing around with his camera.

"C'mon, let's go get some eats. We're supposed to be back by now."

They all met up and ate as little as they could, given how hungry they all were. They didn't want to end up puking on any roller coasters. Ikkaku, Iba, and Hisagi were going hardcore, the only ones who wanted to go on the Dragster or the Power Tower, which took you up twenty stories and dropped you straight down. Yumichika and Renji were planning to ditch and go on the Gemini like twenty times in a row since everyone else in the park thought it was lame. There wasn't much of a line, so they fell into a continuous loop of running through the ropes to get up to the entrance over and over.

Rangiku and Kira were off somewhere playing games and taking pictures, Ichigo tagging along with them. Just as things were settling down and he was starting to have fun, he heard something in the distance.

Meanwhile, Renji was whining to Yumichika about being hungry again. Yumichika wouldn't share his money, stubbornly insisting that he had to pay for his own food or they wouldn't have any money left for dinner later. Renji sighed, knowing that Ichigo had taken their stuff back and was on the other side of the park. He shrugged.

"ICHIGO! FEED ME!"

Yumichika turned bright pink and started swatting him to shut him up. "Quit hollering, he can't hear you! You're embarrassing me!"

"ICHIGOOOO, FEED MEEEE!"

Yumichika put his head in his hands, starting to shake with laughter as Renji continued to yell at the top of his lungs, drawing attention from others. In the distance they could faintly hear, "Be quiet, I'll feed you when you quit complaining!"

Renji started laughing, dragging Yumichika back through the section with the old wooden roller coasters, still deriving a simple boyish pleasure from doing things that he'd been deprived of as a child.

After wandering in circles for a while, just enjoying the nice weather, they rested at some picnic tables, and Yumichika noticed a little kid that couldn't have been more than three, turning in circles and looking scared.

After the child's third time toddling past their table, Yumichika asked him if he was lost. The boy's lip wobbled as he nodded. "I can't find my daddy," he whimpered.

Renji 'aw'ed a little, feeling bad. Yumichika coaxed the little guy closer, rubbing his hair off his sweaty forehead. This kid had been in the sun for too long. Renji got up to see if he could see any parent looking around for a lost kid.

"How about you stay with us, alright? We'll help you find your daddy."

"I can't find my daddy," the kid repeated, growing tearful.

"It's okay, we'll find him, I promise," Yumichika said, holding out his pinkie for the little boy to take. He got up and Renji followed, taking the little boy's other hand. Yumichika was the perfect height, but Renji had to lean down a little to reach the squirt's hand, walking slowly to match the toddler's pace. Eventually he just asked the kid if it was okay to carry him, and hoisted the little guy up to sit on one of his shoulders.

* * *

"Tch, I know that voice. I'd recognize that shouting anywhere," Ichigo heard a low masculine voice say, feeling a hand ruffling through his hair. The embarrassment of screaming back toward Renji out of reflex faded a little as he froze in place. He looked straight ahead, looking back into Kira's shocked eyes with an expression that was no less bewildered.

"Who the-" He whipped around, suddenly seeing a grin and a shock of bright blue hair. He smiled back, giving the guy a hug. "Geez, can't believe I ran into you again. Haven't seen you in forever. How ya' been? Still an asshole?"

"As always," Grimmjow replied seamlessly, laughing. "What're ya' doin' here? I thought you had a pole up yer' ass. You don't like havin' fun."

Ichigo scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What, I don't seem like the rollercoaster type?"

"Nope, yer' _my_ type," Grimmjow said confidently, obviously gauging Ichigo's reaction to judge whether or not he was single. Ichigo just glared at him, letting Rangiku and Kira wander off without him. Rangiku was making friends with a guy, complimenting his camera. She wanted to become a professional photographer, not wanting to wash hair and do nails at a salon for the rest of her life. Izuru was friendly as always, and was fitting right into their conversation without turning into a third wheel.

"I'm just on vacation with a buncha' my friends. It's not like it was fate that we ran into each other. Just an accident... Ya' dick."

"Tch', save it, Dandelion." Ichigo flipped him off, not liking anyone but Renji to call him that, even though Grimmjow had originally been the one to come up with the name. "Ya' on a road trip?"

"Yeah," Ichigo answered, not letting any tension build, not wanting to get into a real argument. Honestly, it was a little nice to see the jerk. It was easier to like Grimmjow now that he wasn't being forced to share a room with him.

"Mm," Grimmjow acknowledged, brow furrowed, seeming engaged. Ichigo had to admit that Grimmjow was pretty handsome and he had a lot of traits in common with Renji, like stubbornness, a hot temper, and bravery. Of course, that didn't mean that blue would ever replace red as his favorite color, or person for that matter. He snapped back to reality when Grimmjow grinned with those pearly white teeth. Ichigo wondered if he'd had his canines filed out on purpose, or if they were just that sharp.

"Those are always fun. How's life been?"

"Great," Ichigo said reflexively, caught off guard that he was getting so preoccupied with watching Grimmjow. Had he missed looking at him without realizing it? Grimmjow _was_ funny and daring, adventurous and... _really _attractive. But he was still an asshole, and Ichigo reminded himself of that, even if it seemed like he'd grown up a little. Grimmjow was a stubborn impulsive jerk, and the only reason they were getting along now was because they hadn't seen each other in a long time. Even if Grimmjow was more of an adult now, some things didn't change.

"You're fulla' shit," Grimmjow said bluntly, calling it like he saw it.

"Okay, okay, yeah, it's been hectic and shit. I just got through with night school though, and Renji's close ta' gettin' his degree, so things should perk up soon. At least I hope so."

Grimmjow's face pinched a little at the mention of Renji, but he didn't say anything about it or get unreasonably pissed.

"Che', you sound pretty sure. Here, let's go on that," Grimmjow pointed at a roller coaster that was positively infested with corkscrews. Ichigo, not being one to back out of a challenge from the glow-stick-headed idiot, followed him. They hung out for probably a full twenty minutes until his bag started vibrating, his phone getting a call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?" Renji asked him, sounding breathless. "Oh, oh wait, I can see you, one sec'." A few seconds later, Renji had jogged up to him, not hesitating in sticking his hand right into the bag Ichigo was carrying, digging out a bottled water. "Here, take this." He handed Ichigo a huge handful of pennies, pulling more out of his pockets.

"Woah, what the fuck," Ichigo started laughing, bewildered, not knowing what the hell to do with them other than dump them into the bottom of the bag.

"They're all over the place, th-" Renji straightened up suddenly, "What the fuck are _you_ doing here?"

"It's a free country," Grimmjow said back just as rudely, grinning to match Renji's glare. Renji shared a glance with Ichigo, wondering what was going on, but still knowing better than to make an issue. They were in public, he reminded himself. "We're just catchin' up."

"Oh," Renji said lightly, glancing between them. "Havin' fun without me, huh?" Ichigo shook his head, glancing to Grimmjow with a grimace.

"Psh, fun? With _this_ jerk?"

"Aw, c'mon, you're just mad that I was beating you." Renji looked between them warily, not understanding how you could 'beat' someone at a roller coaster. Had they been... doing something else, maybe? Competitive Jankenpo? The world couldn't afford to come to an end _today_, could it?

Ichigo saw his concern, but again, didn't make any sort of sign towards it in public, keeping his tone bland, "It hasn't been the same without you... Although it's been eerily similar."

"Hey, I heard that," Grimmjow griped. Renji looked concerned then, a little uncomfortable, hoping Ichigo wouldn't keep hanging out with the guy. A strange girl was one thing, but Jaegerjaques. . . He was still a big threat in Renji's eyes, and he didn't want him moving in on what wasn't rightfully his. Of course, he knew better than to say anything, because it wasn't as if he could tell Ichigo no or something. He was pulling an issue out of nowhere; there was nothing wrong with this, anyway. Just college roommates catching up.

"Okay, just wanted ta tell ya' it's almost time to get back to the meeting point so we can all go on the water rides together. Alright? And I wanted ta' let you know that Yumichika found a kid that got lost, so if you see any frantic parents or park security, let them know, alright?"

"Oh my god, that's horrible. Don't let the kid get away. Some freaks might kidnap the poor thing," Ichigo said in concern. "And when you find the parents, make sure to make them prove it." Renji waved him off, letting him know that they could handle it.

"I'm gonna' go take a look around. Don't go cheating on me with this guy," he said so blandly that Ichigo did a doubletake and then scowled. Grimmjow just started laughing, watching Ichigo say a goodbye, sending Renji off to find Kira. "Okay, have fun, I'll see ya' in a little bit." And with that Renji turned and walked off. Ichigo had been expecting at least a slightly pissed remark or a threat to Grimmjow's life, but that had been... Renji had even told him to have _fun._ A bit perturbing.

He and Grimmjow talked for a few more minutes, making plans to call each other to catch up further at a different time. Ichigo felt guilt already starting to creep through him, always bothered by problems that had to do with children in some sort of distress. "Hey, man, it's been fun, but I think I should get back and help them out."

"Really? Ya' gotta' go so soon?" Grimmjow said in disappointment.

"Sorry dude, ya' know how guilty I get about shit like this. We'll hang soon."

"Okay, go on, loser. See ya' later," Grimmjow laughed, giving him a wave and a grin. Ichigo smiled back, following after the general direction Renji had headed in.

Hearing a commotion in the distance, he hurried up, knowing with dread that if there was trouble going on, it probably had to do with one of his friends. He came upon an alarmed looking Izuru being chewed out by a guy who was upset and cursing, saying something about ruining the 'family-friendly atmosphere' of the park. Ichigo knew what was going on immediately.

If he admitted it, they were basically a bunch of gay guys all on a trip together, but they were all careful enough not to let anything show in public. Hisagi and Kira must've done something small, like sharing a drink or a jacket, or even something like fixing the other's hair or sitting too close. It was obviously enough to give someone reasonable suspicion that they were a couple.

Shuuhei was trying to get the guy to back off and leave Izuru alone, and the dude was getting worse, on the verge of violence, upset about the 'sick display'. "What, you're gonna' back down like the twink you are, huh? You're some coward?" Izuru looked absolutely mortified, shocked into silence.

"He is not," Hisagi growled.

"I am too, let's go," Kira whispered, tugging on Shuuhei's jacket, begging him to just leave it. It wasn't like Kira _really_ was a chicken, but avoiding these kinds of situations were always best. Hisagi knew better than to get in a physical altercation, always opting for conflict avoidance, but damn was he pissed. If Kira cried one fucking tear, he was going to have to set the cause on fire, even if it was a human being.

Ichigo felt fury bubbling in his gut, wishing that Renji would get here soon to put an end to this crap, or maybe Ikkaku, who would scare the guy off. Ichigo didn't want any of them to get kicked out of the park, but he didn't want Izuru to keep getting harassed either.

"Huh? You can't fight yer' own battles? Ya' need yer' boyfriend as a shield? Fight back!"

"A warrior doesn't beg for his life, stupid," Hisagi retorted, glaring back, not backing down from standing between Kira and the possibly-drunk man. They were drawing a crowd. Hopefully, security would arrive soon.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Yumichika was there with his bitchy attitude, and they all relaxed, thankful that they'd taken him along, because Yumichika never took shit like that from anyone. It wasn't as if they all weren't fighters, but they all got really antsy and freaked out whenever they got called out like this in public. Yumichika, being the one most comfortable with his 'lifestyle choice,' was the one they could rely on to out-snark their opposition. "Get out of here, no one wants you and your ugly attitude!"

"What the hell, how many fags did they let in this place?"

"Just enough, apparently, now _back off_."

The guy approached a little, and Ichigo groaned. Of _course_ a guy like this couldn't just back down now that he had an audience. Yumichika held up his drink threateningly, "Don't make me use this." The man approached another few steps, obviously trying to appear as big and threatening as he could, which to be fair was pretty intimidating, enough to get Yumichika to second-guess himself. Yumichika took a step back to match, taking the top off his drink before the guy could close the distance.

With a blasé expression, Yumichika just looked into his soda cup, shaking it a little to get all the ice to the bottom, and then just tossed the pop all over the guy, completely soaking him and probably half-choking him too.

The little kid clinging onto Yumichika's pant leg started to cry.

"Thomas!" The dude was pissed now and was eager to shift blame towards someone else. He was shouting towards a security guard, saying that Yumichika had been trying to kidnap his son or something, like some sick gay pedophile. Ichigo's stomach dropped like a rock; Oh shit, the missing kid belonged to _this guy?_

Yumichika took a step back in horror, hoping that no one would believe something like that, but the guy wouldn't shut up, still saying the most ridiculous shit. Ichigo stretched his fists, feeling tense and nervous, not liking where things were going.

The little boy ran out from under Yumichika towards his dad, still cringing away in case he would get hit on accident while his dad was fighting. The guy was furious, spitting mad, and dripping cherry cola. He took a swing at Yumichika a couple times, heavy blows being dodged, but one landing, clipping his face.

"Ow, holy crap, leave me alone," Yumichika hissed, eyes panicked as he ducked again, backing up as quickly as he could, trying to put some space between them, but not gaining much. Then the guy got him, wet sticky hand fisting in Yumichika's hair. "Aah! Let go!" Yumichika jammed his elbow into his ribs, causing a great deal of pain from the sounds of it, but the guy didn't let go, dragging Yumichika with him. Ichigo was freaking out by then, picking up a rock off the street, seeing that Hisagi was taking his jacket off and cracking his knuckles, obviously not opting for conflict avoidance anymore.

"What the hell is going on?!" Ikkaku shouted from a distance. Yumichika by then had pried the guy's fist out of his hair, still trying to evade being grabbed again. Of course, he couldn't have anyone saying that he wasn't brave, and sassed the guy further, saying that the kid had been better off alone. He ducked again, wind whipping from the heavy punch he'd dodged.

Renji caught the guy's fist, standing in front of Yumichika, a good three inches taller than the punk. He held an arm out to keep Yumichika back, just in case the guy kept persisting. He glared down his nose, staying quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully so that there would be no way that he was mistaken as the source of the trouble. He was fully aware of what assumptions were made based on his appearance, and he didn't want this to get turned around on him.

"Why don't you just get out of here?" Renji said calmly, crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at him. Of course, the tension diffused quickly, and the guy left after they had a talk with security for a little while, explaining what had been going on. Luckily, they weren't escorted out, although the guy and his son left quickly anyways, probably to find the woman who was unfortunate enough to have married the creep. Yumichika shook his head, suspecting the guy was a drug addict or something from the way his face had been twitching. That poor child.

Ikkaku and Rangiku approached, not knowing what had just happened, but were quickly told and enraged by it. "Every frickin' place we go, I swear," Rangiku said, irked, followed by the man she'd met who was eager to make friends with her. The guy was nice enough to be upset on their behalf, looking towards Yumichika and Kira sympathetically, who were both pretty shaken up. Hisagi was pale and sweating, standing closer to Izuru than necessary.

Ikkaku was looking Yumichika all over, upset and concerned. "Are you hurt? What happened?"

Kira had gotten over his shock and burst into giggles, watching the drenched idiot leave. "I can't believe you did that." Yumichika grinned, still a little spooked by the whole ordeal.

"He didn't look as ugly covered in soda." Kira couldn't stop laughing then, and he and Yumichika shared a relieved hug. They all relaxed; Yumichika was always the one who wasn't afraid to make a scene or stand up for himself, but of course, he also didn't want to get beat up, so he was glad it was over now.

Ikkaku's eyes grew dark and steely when a bruise began to form on Yumichika's face. Yumichika laughed it off and pointed out that they matched now, because of Ikkaku's black eye, but it didn't lighten the mood enough to make Ikkaku smile.

"Someone hurt you," he said, dead-serious, expression bordering on what Yumichika could only describe as 'psychotically violent'. "And I let him live."

"Really, Ikkaku, you didn't _let_ him do anything. It was his own choice. It's not as if you gave him an invitation. You don't have control over other people's idiocy. It doesn't matter, anyways. I'm okay, see?"

Ikkaku sighed, still upset, but conceded to let the issue drop.

"Frickin' lunatic," Ichigo muttered, "Let's go, it's almost time for dinner." They all banded together, heading towards the few water rides, ready to get soaked. Of course, one of them had to stay to keep their stuff from getting ruined, so Ichigo sat there grinning, taking everybody's pocket-change, cellphones, and things that might fall off, like sunglasses and sandals.

When Renji came back, drenched and laughing, arms around Yumichika and Rangiku, Ichigo eyed him and his soaked white t-shirt, suggesting that they go on some last-minute rides and then go back to the hotel.

Of course, they stayed a lot later than they'd planned, stumbling back to the rooms at eleven, after dark, and after Ikkaku and Renji had gotten into an arm wrestling match with a few strangers.

"Boy am I lucky tonight, I'd never hoped for those guys to be so strong."

"I'm glad you're having fun," Yumichika smiled, letting Ikkaku put his arm around him since they were almost back to the room. Hisagi was getting a few pizzas to bring back to them all, and everyone else was still dragging themselves through the lobby so they could get to bed before they just collapsed. They'd been up for almost twenty straight hours. Kira was dead on his feet, having needed Hisagi to carry him across the Cedar Point parking lot.

Yumichika and Ikkaku ended up having to wait, leaning against the wall by their rooms, waiting for someone with a room key to make it down the hallway. Kira or Ichigo would be their best bet, and then maybe they could snag the bathrooms to change out of their damp clothes before everyone else.

Ikkaku tilted his neck, trying to stretch it, having been carrying a backpack around all day. "Here," Yumichika offered, digging his thumbs into Ikkaku's back, causing him to groan and take a step forward, letting Yumichika stand behind him and rub his back for a little while.

"Mm, Thanks…" Ikkaku mumbled, eyes slipping closed. "I'm glad you came with us. I woulda' missed you."

They watched on as some of the personnel rolling around with cleaning carts were telling each other to get their stuff out of the hallway. Apparently, there weren't many people in bed this early in the night. Yumichika was surprised, but the lobby and arcade level had appeared full and lively, even though the water park had been closed for an hour at this time.

"It would only have been one weekend."

Ikkaku looked at him and smiled softly, eyes sweetly sad with something like nostalgia. Yumichika faltered in what he had said and let Ikkaku stand back next to him.

"A weekend. Psh. Don't say stuff like that."

"I don't know what you mean."

Ikkaku grimaced a little, trying to find the words, lacking them as he often did in times like this. He had a hard time saying nice things, after all. "I wanna' spend as much time as I can with you."

"What do you mean?" Yumichika asked again, because Ikkaku made it sound like. . . like they almost _surely_ were on a timer that was slowly running out. Yumichika found that he was having a hard time meeting Ikkaku's intense gaze.

"That's what I want, if one day we part ways, I wanna' know that I squeezed out every moment... I don't wanna' have to constantly worry now that I have you that you'll be taken away and that I didn't get to spend enough time with you... People are just like that. I want... I want to get the most out of what we have, and make sure every part of me remembers, so that if something did happen and it ended, I'll be fine." Ikkaku's breath ghosted over his face, hand raising up with the intention of touching his cheek.

"Nothing's going to happen, Ikkaku," Yumichika said, but his voice was doubtful and small.

"No one knows those things for sure. . . No matter what happened, I'd want you to think back on me and remember how much I valued our time together, how much I care about you. No matter what happens, I want you to have happy memories of us."

Yumichika was truly speechless, feeling his heart pound faster than ever before. All the things Kaa had romanced him with couldn't compare to this. No, not this or the sparkle in Ikkaku's eyes, the truth in his voice. At the same time, there was something sinister...

It was so outwardly sweet though that Yumichika himself hardly took it seriously after a moment, but Ikkaku's facial expression didn't change, telling him that he was dead serious and that he needed to pay attention. "Yumichika, I... Things are happening so fast, I know that. It's selfish for me to want to ask for your future. We've just met and already I'm pressing my feelings on you, and I know that things are moving too quickly for you, but. . . Don't you see, there's no time. There's no time at all and it bothers me, alright? It tears me up to think that if something were to happen, you wouldn't know that I love you. That's why I had to say it. That's why I have to press this on you now."

"I don't understand... I don't," Yumichika trailed off, not knowing what to say, trying to arrange his face into a picture that wouldn't reveal that Ikkaku had just pried his heart open alarmingly wide.

"I want you to _know_ while there's still time for you to know. I'm not gonna' leave it until it's much too late. I won't. I have to tell you, even if you don't feel the same yet... You have to understand why I'm worried."

Yumichika didn't understand what had brought this on. One moment they'd simply been standing in the quiet, and the next... Ikkaku...

Ikkaku brushed a finger over Yumichika's cheek, and suddenly it clicked. His bruise. That had really bugged Ikkaku into thinking some deep messed up shit, and he was just trying to let it out.

He still wasn't prepared for it when Ikkaku leaned in, closer and closer. Yumichika took a step back, some part of his stomach tightening up and telling him to run, _fast_, because that look in Ikkaku's eyes was that of a murderer.

"Stay... with me," Ikkaku whispered, leaning in so closer that Yumichika wasn't even daring to breathe, pulling back minutely. "I'd miss you." Ikkaku didn't kiss him, no, he leaned past him, towards his ear, and suddenly Yumichika felt the arms around him, holding him close, but not tight. "Even so soon after meeting you, I'd miss you if you left... I didn't even know I was lonely until you came into my life. So stay... as long as you can."

In his ear, he heard it then, feeling the warm puff of breath curl over his neck, and the words spread tingles through his whole body. "No matter what you learn about who I was, please stay for the man I am now."

"Hey, sorry we took so long." Yumichika jumped, heart racing. Truth be told, he was happy they were back, even if he liked where things had been leading. He needed this excuse for space. If he was completely honest, that all had scared him just a tiny bit for one single moment, and he didn't get why. Ikkaku had made it sound like. . . like he was trying to get as much as he could out of their relationship before Yumichika found out something dark about his past that would surely scare him away.

What was more was that he didn't know if he could bear hearing his own response to Ikkaku's words.

Ichigo, Renji, and Rangiku had made it back then, Iba and Kira dragging themselves along too, opening the doors and letting each other in.

"Ugh, turn off that light," Rangiku complained, going straight to the couch to get her pajamas. Hisagi showed up not long after, letting everyone get some pizza before bed.

Ichigo didn't wait for a bathroom, putting on his pajamas in the corner of the room and getting out his reading glasses so he could study for a while. He had to stay sharp, because some of his next courses were going to be direct continuations of the classes he'd just had.

Renji took his hair down and while waiting for a bathroom to free up, started doing some push ups in the space between the two beds. He let Ichigo sit cross-legged on his back with his book to make it more difficult.

Kira passed out on the floor, requiring Hisagi to shake him awake and shove him in the bathroom that Rangiku had just come out of.

Rangiku stared skeptically at Ichigo, who had been studying for a few minutes, but was getting a glazed look in his eyes as he counted Renji's push ups aloud for him.

"Fifty. Switch to one-armed, twenty on each side, five times."

"Ugh, you got it," Renji whined, buckling a little under Ichigo's weight. That's what he got for eating so much junk food and slacking on staying in shape.

When Ichigo went back to mumbling lists of medical terms, Rangiku piped up, crossing her arms under her breasts. "Maybe if you stare at that piece of paper long enough, people will think you're reading."

"Can it, Rangiku," Ichigo retorted. Rangiku just giggled, hands on her hips, wearing a Wonder-Woman nightshirt. Renji looked up, open-mouthed, then dropped flat on his face, getting a bloody nose from crunching it against the carpet.

"Get off, get off, I'm bleeding." Ichigo got off him, looking at him in concern, then up to Rangiku, who he realized wasn't wearing a bra. His look turned sour and he kicked Renji a little, who was looking for some tissues. "What? What, no, no, you've got it wrong," Renji laughed nervously.

Kira had slapped himself awake, and Iba was drinking yet another beer, getting them to play truth or dare again for a little while, to pass time while they waited for the bathrooms to free up. Yumichika was taking a long time in one, and Hisagi was in the other.

"What's that?" Ikkaku asked flatly, pointing rudely into Renji's face.

"What's what?" Renji retorted stuffily, blowing his nose and turning his tissues red. Ichigo just groaned, rolling his eyes.

"_That_, you idiot."

"Don't call me that. How am I supposed to guess what you're pointing at?"

"By fucking following the direction."

"Oh, what?" Renji tried to look down at his own face, seeing red in the corners of his vision. "It's blood, you moron, what do you think it is,"

"Oh, boo, would you guys stop fighting. It's late," Kira said sleepily.

"The night's still young," Rangiku yawned. "I'll go first. Ichigo, truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess," Ichigo said, shutting his Medical Terminology workbook in favor of slacking off.

"How would you describe Renji?"

"Renji pisses me off."

"Oh, come on," Renji whined. The game went on for about ten more minutes until everyone had had a turn in the bathroom. The biggest secrets that came out was that Hisagi admitted that Kira buys horrible Christmas presents.

A few of them had a glass of wine before bed, and then just as they were all getting off to wind down and settle down to sleep, Renji reminded everyone of what they had established earlier. "I hope we all agree that there's no fooling around while we're all livin' so near each other. This trip does _not_ need to get nasty, so absolutely _no_ hanky panky, everyone agree?"

"Yeah, alright."

"Sounds fine."

Izuru and Hisagi got in their bed, letting Iba take their couch bed, and they went to sleep pretty quickly, leaving the door open between their rooms so that they could talk in the morning.

Rangiku and Yumichika stayed up for a little longer, and Ikkaku was just standing around, finally realizing that he got a bed instead of a piece of floor. For some reason, he'd expected to get a couch, but it looked like they had intended to have him and Yumichika in the same bed. No big deal, they'd already done that, right? Well, it was kind of different in front of their friends.

Yumichika helped Rangiku set up her couch bed, and they chattered to each other on the white sheets for a while, almost making Ikkaku think they were going to have a little sleep over next to each other.

He glanced over to the corner and saw Ichigo tucked in under the blankets, turned towards the wall. Renji was coming up behind him, pulling the blankets up so that hardly anything but Ichigo's hair was showing as he put an arm around him, settling down. Neither of them squirmed very much, falling asleep pretty quickly as well.

Rangiku began to get tired, and Yumichika got up, padding silently to the sink for a drink of water. Then he came back over to Ikkaku, quickly crawling across the bed and getting under the covers Ikkaku was holding up. His pajamas were loose and soft, a long-sleeved, airy, blue shirt, and a pair of white linen pants with blue pin-striping.

Ikkaku tapped him once, making Yumichika look up. "Hey, you're not upset with me, right? I feel like I... freaked you out... y'know, with what I said earlier."

"Just a little."

Ikkaku shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry... I know I'm too serious... I didn't mean ta' scare you... I know it wasn't just my _words_ scarin' you... I didn't mean to get so serious, I know I can get this spooky-face sometimes."

"You're babbling."

"Sorry."

"I'm not angry. Everything's fine." Yumichika yawned. "I just gave that some thought. What you said about people... People are the only ones."

"The only ones what?"

"To be afraid of running out of time. I even said something like that to Kaa about how I didn't have the time to keep waiting for him to regret his mistakes."

"So... It's okay then?" Ikkaku asked tentatively, keeping his voice down in the quiet room. "For me to feel this much?"

"Yes, it's okay," Yumichika said with a smile, causing Ikkaku to grin in relief. He grew eager to cuddle him, opening his arms up for Yumichika to roll right into.

"Night," he whispered, pulling the covers up further so that if anyone got up in the night, things would still look innocent if they didn't look at them too closely.

Yumichika lay awake for a while, letting Ikkaku rest his cheek on the top of his hair, allowing Ikkaku's breathing to relax him. After about twenty minutes, he moved a little, resting his head on Ikkaku's shoulder instead of his pillow. Ikkaku was trying to stay awake too, but he couldn't, eventually letting his heavy eyelids overpower him. He relaxed more, body going lax, arm unrolling and spreading out. Yumichika scootched away a little then, resting the back of his head on Ikkaku's arm. He left his hand oustretched, lying on Ikkaku's torso.

The conversation he'd had with Ikkaku earlier was returning to him now. He was thinking about how Renji and Ichigo had told him that Ikkaku had never had any sort of romantic inclinations, and that now, somehow it seemed like he'd stored all of that up. Now that he'd found him, he had so much affection to give, so much motivation and willingness to treat him well. Yumichika knew what Ikkaku meant when he said that he wanted to love him. Ikkaku wanted to be in love with him and have what Renji and Ichigo did, what Kira and Hisagi did. He wanted a real bond, a real life together. It was a little freaky, of course, that Ikkaku seemed border-line obsessed, but part of him selfishly wanted to skate over it as normal. Some part of him maybe sort of liked that this crass idiot felt that he was an exception to his rule of not being nice to people.

And really, that didn't scare him at all. It felt nice to think about. Yumichika smiled, staying awake for another half an hour or so, and just as his eyelids were starting to get heavy, he started hearing noises.

He couldn't see through the dark room, even though he'd been up for a long time. He could hear rustling from inside the room, somebody tossing around and moaning in their sleep. That was when he distinctly heard a sob.

Then he heard a groan that he recognized as belonging to Renji. He heard Renji fumbling around, clicking on his phone screen but leaving it face down so that he didn't blind himself. "Who's makin' noise," he mumbled, sitting up, looking over at Ichigo. Yumichika watched on, able to see Renji sitting up in bed, but nothing more than a wriggling lump as Ichigo, who was blocked by Renji's body. Renji was shaking him then, causing him to moan louder and thrash around.

"Ichigo… _Ichigo_… C'mon, you're wakin' everyone up…" He could hear Ichigo wake up, and was a little horrified to hear some soft gasps and sniffs. Renji lay back down, taking him in his arms, pulling the covers back up to give them some privacy. "C'mere… It's okay, just go back to sleep. Everything's okay."

Yumichika knew better than to let anyone know what he had witnessed, but still, it made his heart ache a little. He crept back over to Ikkaku and held him, letting him cuddle up to him in his sleep, even though he was less gentle when he was unconscious. He was being held in what would more appropriately named a body-lock than a hug.

He felt bad that Ichigo was having nightmares. He knew it was probably from stress and staying up for too long. Still, he couldn't help but smile a little, wondering if things would ever be like that between him and Ikkaku, such easy comfort, such care and casual gentleness.

Even though he knew it was ridiculous, he wanted to love Ikkaku back.


	17. Chapter 17

Yumichika awoke with a bad taste in his mouth and with Ikkaku lying on top of him. He took a few moments to calm his pounding heart, realizing that it was still dark in their room, the curtains drawn, just a little bit of light peeking out from beneath them.

With a glance at the clock, he saw that it was six in the morning, and he sighed with relief, glad that he still had plenty of time to lie around and rest. He was dead tired, not to mention emotionally exhausted from the night of colorful dreams he'd had. That whole conversation in the hall with Ikkaku last night had really thrown him for a loop, causing him to have what could qualify as nightmares. Luckily he hadn't woken up crying again.

Rationally, he knew that he shouldn't let it get to him so much, because he knew that Ikkaku's intentions had been sweet, but it had come out really creepy, and his eyes had… He knew that Ikkaku had been thinking about the man who had hurt him, but still, it had given him chills to see the cold rage in his face, knowing that Ikkaku was dead serious about wanting to literally kill the guy.

He thought back to Ikkaku's sword. . . and those words that had held cause for suspicion. Something about Ikkaku's past.

Maybe he should've been a bit more careful when he'd decided to get close to this man. It wasn't as if he was reconsidering having a relationship with Ikkaku, because he did really like him and wanted what they had to continue and deepen, but… Ikkaku… Was he on the edges of obsession? Or was he just that passionate in his want for something meaningful between them? Was Ikkaku too serious, or was that a good thing? Maybe Yumichika was being paranoid and overthinking it.

Either way, despite his guilt, Yumichika selfishly wanted this to continue. Maybe it was stupid, considering that he'd just gotten out of a bad relationship, but he still… Yumichika _knew _that something like that should be a warning sign, but he didn't want to leave.

He wanted to let Ikkaku love him. Maybe it was just because he craved the adoration that he hadn't received in so long, but Yumichika was really enjoying this. More than that, it was the companionship he'd lacked. It was nice to have this time to get to know Ikkaku better, to become close friends and just be around each other like Renji and Ichigo or Kira and Hisagi. He liked having this time to consider his feelings and allow them to grow until he knew exactly what they were. Ikkaku had told him loved him, but wasn't demanding him to say it back; he just wanted to let him know what he felt so that he didn't run out of 'time' or something - but there was no hurry, no hurry at all.

Living together, oh boy, that hadn't been a good idea, but he didn't want that to stop either. Yumichika had been considering just not saying anything about their living conditions, maybe pretending to forget and just stay living with Ikkaku for the foreseeable future… It was getting easier for him to imagine all the time, what with the way he'd been able to feel out how things would be.

If Ikkaku stayed as his partner long term, things would be wonderful as far as he could tell. Their dynamic amongst their friends, the way they could spend silent time together without any tension, the way Ikkaku treated him, it just all went so smoothly, so naturally that Yumichika wondered whether the universe had meant things to work out this way.

Still, there was something bugging him, causing him to feel guilty for some reason but he honestly couldn't put a finger on it. It wasn't just the secret he was keeping; no, something else. Maybe it was that he felt pressure to say something back to Ikkaku every time he professed his love, even though Ikkaku wasn't pushing him to reply. Maybe he was still afraid of Kaa coming back and wrecking everything. Maybe _he_ was afraid of screwing up. He didn't know if it was still just lingering adrenaline from Ikkaku creeping him out or if it was something else, something hidden. Whatever it was, it was powerful, because he'd apparently tensed up without knowing it, waking Ikkaku a little.

"Mm? Whuza' matter?" Ikkaku mumbled, barely opening his eyes. "C'mere, I'll kiss it."

Yumichika hit him in the face, not finding his dream-talk endearing. "I don't have an 'owie', you moron! You're not kissing anything!"

"Gah!" Renji sat up in irritation, hands in claws. "God, Yumichika, keep it dow-" Renji caught himself, going rigid, frozen in a comical position of having his arms held up. Ichigo moved, moaning sleepily, but after a few silent seconds he gave a breathy sigh and settled back down. "He really needs this sleep, okay? So shh," Renji added quietly, lying back down. Yumichika apologized to him and Rangiku, who was glaring at him pretty viciously.

"Geez," Ikkaku said, a little cowed, holding his cheek where Yumichika had slapped him. "… Okay, I know I upset you, you don't have to say it. I'm sorry, oka-" Yumichika hit him in the face with a pillow, suddenly upset and infuriated that Ikkaku was making him feel all of this conflicting upsetting shit. Why couldn't things just stay sweet and dreamy like they had been this whole time? Why couldn't he just have things be perfect for once? There had to be something deeper, something twisted, just like Kaa's games. Ikkaku had been creepy last night!

"I hate you," he hissed. "Be quiet." Ikkaku looked wounded for one moment, but it was clear that he knew Yumichika was just cranky. They'd talked about this last night, and Yumichika had thought that he was fine, but it was really bugging him again. Ikkaku suddenly pulled the blankets up over them, all the way over their heads so that their conversation wouldn't bug their friends.

"Okay, what the heck is wrong?" Ikkaku asked, having an idea of what was ticking Yumichika off so bad. Their conversation from last night _obviously_ wasn't the end of it. Yumichika looked pissed and _scared_, and it was freaking Ikkaku out. He must've had another nightmare.

Yumichika sighed then, anger burning out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I know." Ikkaku went quiet and looked back at him for a few moments, letting Yumichika calm himself down. "Ya' wanna' talk about it?"

Yumichika didn't acknowledge what he'd said and just talked right over him. "You scare me."

Ikkaku looked like he'd been kicked in the balls. "I… I didn't…" He shook his head, gaping like a fish. "I- I didn't mean to, I… I wasn't gonna'-"

"No, no, not like that," Yumichika said tersely, "You. You and your stupid words, it's…" Ikkaku was silent, watching him with bated breath. "It scares me, okay?"

"Don't you want to know that I care? You don't want me to say it anymore?

"I do, but… What am I supposed to do?" Yumichika asked exasperatedly, horrified at how much this all was making him get emotional. "I've… I thought all of this was behind me and that… Look, I accepted a long time ago that I was going to have to live my life alone, and… It's just, you come out of nowhere and make me feel like I can be happy again. You care about me so much and so quickly, that…"

"That what?" Ikkaku asked, not understanding why it was a problem for him to love Yumichika so much. Shouldn't Yumichika _want _him to care? Shouldn't Yumichika be glad?

"If you really mean what you say… then there's got to be some horrible catch. There's no way I can accept this. I can't enjoy such simple happiness when I know there's something deeper that will ruin it if I let my guard down."

Ikkaku blinked, heart dropping. "No," he said in dull horror, shaking his head. "No, _no."_

He tried to reach out, but Yumichika shied away from his touch. He pulled his hand back as if he was burned. "No, Yumichika, no." As much as he wanted to pepper him with terms of affection, he knew he had to keep them in right now. He couldn't say something like that if Yumichika was on the edge of something like this.

The problem was, Yumichika was _right_. Ikkaku _was_ hiding something, but that something wasn't going to ruin everything. He'd make sure of it.

"No, I'm… It's not like I'm expecting something from you… or… Do you think I'm gonna' try to get you into bed in exchange for letting you live with me? Or… Cause' none of that's true, there's-"

"Don't say there's no catch, there _is_, there always is, there _must be_. It's too good, it's just too good and I'm not going to fool myself, thinking that it's all fine. There's no way you would love me if you knew me better," Yumichika said vehemently, and Ikkaku could see in his eyes that he was thinking of Kaa. It had been such a long time since Yumichika had been with anyone but Kaa and his twisted crooked schemes and games. Maybe some little part of him missed the convoluted mess that had taken over his life.

"Yumichika… C'mon, look at me." Yumichika reluctantly met his eyes, and Ikkaku held out a hand, giving Yumichika the option of whether or not to take it. After a few hesitant moments, Yumichika tentatively stuck out a hand, not completely bridging the gap between them.

"I promise you… I swear on my katana that there's nothing. There's no motive, no... no trick, or... I really just want you in my life. I'm not trying to get you in bed, or to pressure you into living with me, or into feeling the same way for me… I mean it. All I want is your time and that's it, okay? I want to spend time with you and get to know you better, so that we can be best friends and so you can trust me. I swear… I swear that's all… I'm not smart enough to trick you or something, and I'd kill myself before I'd even consider trying… I promise nothing bad's going to happen."

"But what if it does? You were the one who said so last night, and now that's out there." Yumichika flailed helplessly, falling to pieces a little. "I'm _scared_, I'm scared of what will happen. Good is always balanced with bad, Ikkaku, and with this much good, there's got to be something unseen that- Look, it's just, I don't deserve you, alright? I'm a bad person, and… This… This isn't…" Ikkaku frowned at him. Yumichika wasn't really making that much sense, and he had a feeling that Yumichika didn't really mean the words coming out of his mouth.

"I know you've been trying hard to move on and start fresh, but… I know that it has to hurt, your past, I mean, and what he did to you… I know it'll take time to come back from that and I understand, alright? That's part of why I feel the way I do. You're strong, and I admire that… You're trying really hard, and I see it, okay? I see it, and I appreciate it. That's all you need to do, is just be here. Nothin' else, I promise that's all."

"Some part of me wants to hold out to spare my heart if something goes wrong, but trust doesn't work like that, now does it?" Yumichika said flatly. "I just… I don't want to relive what-"

Ikkaku could see where this was going. Yumichika was somewhat worried that all his relationships were doomed to be, well, _doomed._ He knew that it was time for some more honesty, the right kind, knowing that if he was going to get Yumichika to trust him, he had to be trustable. "Look, I'm sorry I scared you last night… and maybe I _am_ getting obsessed with you, but… can you blame me? You're pretty great, and… this is my first time being in love."

Yumichika half-smiled, still looking lost and tortured, obviously stuck in some panicked circle, reliving past hurts. Ikkaku kept his voice low, not wanting anyone to hear him.

"I never had my heart broken before. I never went through a first love when I was in my teens, so I guess I'm still stuck at that stage. That's why I mess up and act like an idiot - I don't know the right things to do or say. I'm just _feeling_. Really though, I swear to God, I swear on my lucky dance, on everything important, that what I feel… it's…" Ikkaku looked like the word caused his mouth serious harm as he said it, "innocent." He grimaced, as if his tongue tasted awful now that he'd said that.

Yumichika smiled then, starting to laugh hard enough that he could hardly breathe. He might not deserve what Kaa had put him through and he might not deserve Ikkaku's kindness either, but that didn't matter. Good things happened to bad people all the time, as well as the reverse, and maybe that was fine. Maybe Ikkaku was right. Maybe he needed to let it go and just trust that things would be all right. Maybe he could be happy this way, living a lie.

Even that would be better than dying alone.

After a few minutes, he realized that he could no longer tell whether he was laughing or crying. Ikkaku was holding him as he let his sorrows die, letting all the emotion fade out of him until he was empty and calm again.

"Yes… I'm sorry, Ikkaku. I don't want to ruin things by being so paranoid… I do believe that you mean it… that you care about me, because you do show it instead of just saying it. I just… I'm sorry… I… I had a bad dream again."

Ikkaku hushed him, reassuring him that things could go on as they had with no interference, that their companionship could still be the same, not marred by this little bump in the road.

"It's all okay, alright? All of it."

Yumichika sighed, letting Ikkaku hold him, letting that sink in. All of it was fine, him being scared of being hurt or left, of their being some kind of catch or some bad thing that was coming. It was okay for him to be hurting, for him to accept this comfort, for him to let Ikkaku take care of him. It was fine. Ikkaku's feelings weren't going to change. Ikkaku didn't think he was weak. Ikkaku loved him, and this was all fine. They were going to enjoy their vacation, go home, and have a happy life. That was it. It was all okay, and if some horrible thing did happen, Ikkaku would fix it. He could take the good, take the happiness now and deal with the bad when it came.

As Ikkaku looked back into his eyes, Yumichika got the distinct sense that if Ikkaku needed to save the world to protect him, he would do so, not for the sake of the world, but for _his_ sake. _Him._ Narcissistic, selfish Ayasegawa Yumichika.

"Thank god for you," Yumichika whispered lovingly, stroking Ikkaku's cheek, and Ikkaku's whole frame relaxed. "Don't make this a waste of my time. If I give it to you, you can't waste it," Yumichika said with a small smile. Ikkaku grinned back triumphantly; he genuinely cared, genuinely wanted to put in the effort to turn their little spontaneous date into something meaningful. He would _prove_ that he would stick around and never hurt Yumichika or break his heart.

"For the record, Ikkaku?" Yumichika said inquiringly, wondering if Ikkaku was still awake and not in some deep thought.

"Hm?"

"You're a good man… I really like you," Yumichika whispered, almost dead silent, eyes trained on Ikkaku's dark brown ones. Ikkaku's face went soft, and then a smile came onto his face. He didn't say a word, then, just holding Yumichika and stroking his hair, keeping him with him there under their little blanket-cave, lulling them back to sleep with his relaxing breathing.

There was nothing there now besides that lingering feeling of doubt, and even that was fading. What it made way for was pure peace, blissful waves of absolute contentment, as if nothing on earth could go wrong. He'd wanted to believe Ikkaku before and had deluded himself into thinking it was real, but now he was really considering it, entertaining the possibility and how wonderful it would be to really have met someone like Ikkaku who was willing to take him and all his flaws and love him for them, no strings attached.

A man like Ikkaku, one that would say something like that and mean it, that kind of person wasn't supposed to exist, but still, he smiled, sinking into dreamland once again. Maybe Ikkaku really would stick around, but he'd only see that if he gave it time. And he would.

Part of him knew that this crazy idiot really believed what he was saying, and that made it true. The idea of there being no catch, it was just so fantastic that it was beyond all his hopes, but perhaps that was just Ikkaku's crazy luck biting him in the ass.

The thought of luck struck him as odd, as he'd heard Ikkaku say something about a good luck charm to the other guys earlier. Then he smiled uncontrollably, almost sitting straight up in bed as it hit him. It all made sense, why Ikkaku was so drawn to him without knowing why, why the two of them being together felt so right, like absolute harmony.

It was feng shui. Peacocks were lucky.

* * *

"Holy shit, what was that noise? Are you okay?" Renji called through the bathroom door, concerned that maybe Ichigo had fallen asleep in the shower and knocked himself out or something.

"I knocked over the bottles, shut up!"

Renji rolled his eyes, retreating back to their bed, fluffing up the pillows and fixing the blankets while he dug his swimsuit and clothes out of their suitcases.

He got his swimming trunks on again and put on a clean shirt, lazing around on their bed for a little while as he waited for everyone to be ready to go down for breakfast.

Twenty minutes later, they were just waiting on Kira, who, like Ichigo, was rather sleep-deprived still. Despite this, neither of them were very cranky, which Renji was grateful for. He wanted Ichigo to at least have some fun while they were here, even if it meant that he'd have to make Ichigo to take a nap later in the day.

The lobby was really crowded even though it was only nine thirty, and they ended up having to wait around with a buzzer so that they'd know when there was room for them to go eat. Izuru and Hisagi curled up on a leather couch that was up the way next to a fake-fire place. Ikkaku and Yumichika hung out in front of the candy store, checking the price of the tiramisu and the Krispy Kreme donuts. Rangiku waited with Iba in front of the buffet, sitting at a wooden table and doing some people-watching. Renji let Ichigo hold the buzzer-thingie and chatted with him a little.

"Ya' hungry? I know you're not really a breakfast person." Renji was surprised when Ichigo looked up to him and grinned like he usually only did in private.

"Are you kidding? Do you see how huge that buffet is? They've got everything!" Ichigo grinned, standing on his tiptoes to try to see over the little bamboo fences. "I don't even know what half of that stuff is. Seriously, who has cuts of steak out during breakfast? This is going to be awesome."

Renji just snickered, trying to sling an arm around his shoulders. Ichigo shrugged him off, still trying to look at the muffins, which were seriously the size of grapefruits.

Ichigo's stomach started talking, and Renji teased him for a little while. After watching numerous families leave the buffet area, the buzzer-coaster Ichigo was holding lit up and started vibrating, which caught him off guard.

"Yo!" Renji called, beckoning everyone over. Rangiku practically had hearts in her eyes as she looked over the desserts, which were right by the entrance. They handed the coaster over to the waitress and showed their coupons, which gave them nearly eighty percent off. Still, it would end up being pretty expensive if they kept coming here, but at the time they were guiltless and barged in, taking up one of the big tables.

Izuru was still a little sleepy, so he volunteered to stay at the table with the waitress and place their drink orders, which was pretty much the one thing you couldn't get by yourself in the buffet line. There were little smoothies and flavored milks, but there wasn't water or soda, so Kira jumped at the excuse to stay behind. He asked Shuuhei to bring him some toast, but from what Renji could see, there wasn't really any toast out. Everything was so nice that they actually didn't have any regular breakfast food like toast and jam. There was cereal and bacon and different kinds of scrambled eggs, but there weren't plain fried eggs or anything. This stuff was _good._

You could ask for fresh cuts of ham and cooked steak, there were super fancy hash browns, egg mixes, Mexican rice with peppers and sausage, and even some foreign breakfast foods with lo mein in them. Renji got a couple of the nice eggs benedict, and he'd seriously never seen one made as nice. It looked like magazine food. Ichigo took mostly fruit, some turkey bacon, and a cranberry muffin. Rangiku got a ton of different luxury pancakes, taking a few of everything. Yumichika was seriously planning to stuff his face on brioche, which was probably super fattening, but he really didn't care if it tasted as good as it looked.

"Hey, Ichigo, can you carry this?" Renji asked when Ichigo said he was going back to the table. "I'm gonna' scope out the desert table."

"Yeah, fine," Ichigo said, already with some food in his mouth. Apparently, he wasn't going to use that line he used almost every night about dessert being _after_ dinner, not before breakfast.

Iba kept urging Hisagi to take gravy with his biscuits because that was how they were supposed to be eaten, and Hisagi insisted in turn that gravy was gross, especially if it was grey. Hisagi was a sausage kind of guy, it seemed.

By the time everyone had sat down, Kira was leaning on his hand, about to flop forward and crack his forehead on the table because he was snoozing. Shuuhei shook him awake and gave him a chocolate-milk that was likely spiked with a five-hour energy.

"Wait, wait," Yumichika said, taking a bite of syrup and powdered sugar-soaked pancake out of his mouth. "Aren't you supposed to wait an hour after eating before you swim?"

The table was mostly silent, except for a lot of chewing and good-food noises.

"Who cares," Ichigo piped up, and everyone agreed, because he_ was_ the med student amongst them. "This place is probably crawling with lifeguards anyway."

"Hot lifeguards," Rangiku said dreamily, elbowing Yumichika, who joined in her chatter. Ikkaku just snorted, asking if they were going to fake drowning or something. "No way. Flowers don't chase bees. I'm so pretty I don't need to play the game."

"Me too," Yumichika agreed. "Although, sometimes it doesn't work for me," he admitted.

Rangiku pointed to her boobs. "Jealous?" Ikkaku almost spat out his coffee. Yumichika just started laughing, replying that it was because all the hot guys are straight.

"They can be as straight as they want," Rangiku replied, then making comments about how it wasn't illegal for Yumichika to still look at their hot, wet, half-clothed bodies.

"Hey, shut up!" Ikkaku said with red cheeks. "Quit it with your perverted fantasies, I'm trying to eat!"

Rangiku and Yumichika both gave him a look that couldn't properly be described without the phrase, 'oh, you poor thing'.

"I'm just teasing, Ikkaku," Yumichika said after a moment, pinching Ikkaku's arm. "I don't need a lifeguard. If I was drowning, you'd come save me, right?"

"Well, if you're one of those people who freaks out when they're drowning, then you might drag us both d-"

Yumichika made a noise and rolled his eyes. Ikkaku quit his joke halfway through. "Yeah, I would, you jerk, but I'd make fun of you like crazy." Yumichika tuned out their friends' conversations and turned to Ikkaku a little, leaning in to his personal space more than necessary.

"Hmm… Good," Yumichika said with a smile.

Ikkaku started laughing, taking another bite of eggs. Then he started this story about how Yachiru had literally almost drowned him the last time he'd tried to help Kenpachi give her a bath. Apparently, she screamed her head off whenever he tried to comb her hair or put her in the tub.

Yumichika offered to help him babysit, which Ikkaku found immensely appealing. He wouldn't admit it, but he found the fact that Yumichika knew how to hold a baby really attractive. That way he wouldn't have to hold the little she-beast anymore, and you know, people who like kids and animals were a good catch.

He'd been almost positive that by handing Yachiru to Yumichika that time in the church, it had spelled a goodbye right there. Yachiru _hated_ strangers and was a little brat at best. He'd been cursing Kenpachi to high heaven when he wouldn't hold her and had forced him to give her to Yumichika - but things had turned out great!

When everyone was done eating, Renji got kind of ticked, because apparently he was the only one who'd thought ahead to put on their bathing suit beforehand. He'd been so excited to go swimming right after they ate, but no such luck. So they all went back to the room to change while Renji sat there on one of the beds and pouted loudly.

"You should have shared your plan with everyone else, dumbass."

"Well sorry. I guess I overestimated your guys' intelligence," Renji snapped sarcastically at Ichigo. Ichigo just pinched his nose playfully and Renji swatted him, still pretending to be mad. This ended in Ichigo tackling him, trying to make him admit that he was laughing. "Get your swim suit on!" Renji demanded, tickling Ichigo a little.

"It _is _on," Ichigo said, showing him, pointing to his shorts, which was in fact his swim-trunks. Renji blinked. It was no wonder they were together if they always had the same plans. Maybe Ichigo just hadn't complained as loudly as him or something.

"You thought of it too? Well why didn't _you_ say anything then?"

"Because. It gives our stomachs a chance to settle."

"Dude, you were the one who said who cares if we go swimming after eating."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I ate a _lot." _He pointed to his stomach, which had a little bulge under his t-shirt. "Look at this, man. I have a _roll._"

"Holy crap, _one roll?" _Renji said in mock horror, poking Ichigo's stomach pudge. Ichigo laughed and flopped onto his back, enjoying the cushiness of the bed. Renji stayed sitting there, petting Ichigo's belly a little, glad that Ichigo's mood had seemed to have taken a one-eighty spin from the morning before.

"You havin' fun, Ichigo?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo said back, closing his eyes and just lying there peacefully for a few seconds. A few minutes later, and everyone had gotten in their swim gear, gotten their swim bags together, tracked down loose goggles and flip-flops, and was ready to head out.

Ichigo made doubly sure that everyone had a towel, because his friends had a reputation for stealing his towel and using it, since he was the only one who always remembered. They all moaned that they didn't need to be reminded, but he was sure that one of them was still going to magically have no towel by the time they needed to come back to the room.

He supposed it was okay. Renji guarded their stuff pretty well most of the time, especially since he thought that _he_ could swipe Ichigo's towel, the big wet jerk.

They went down into the arcade and wormed their way through the kids and flashing games to the back, where they showed their wristbands and went into a little tiled hallway that tunneled into the swim-room.

They were getting super pumped up at the sound of rushing water and kids laughing, and Yumichika was just blown away by the size of the place, which was even more impressive now that they were actually inside. He sort of felt like an ant, actually.

There was a lot of white noise because of the constant splashing and rushing of water, not to mention the echoes in the huge room. People were seriously _everywhere_, always walking, passing by, talking, running, and there was no point trying to avoid them or wait for them to move.

"Oh wow," Yumichika said in awe, walking a little slower than his friends, looking around at the walls. The mural was insanely detailed, that of an African savanna with many different animals and desert plants. Every pipe or hanging piece of equipment was painted so perfectly that they fit in with the wall from any given vantage point. The amount of planning that had obviously gone into mixing the paint and then actually getting up there on the humongous canvas of the walls and ceilings was just insane to even imagine.

It kept messing with his perception, because protruding pieces of the wall were fixed so that they still fit in with the rest of the picture. It was really loud in there, enough so that you had to constantly raise your voice, but it wasn't overbearing, like it was in a club. He grinned.

"Impressed?" Ikkaku asked, having waited for him, lagging behind.

"Yes," he said honestly.

An hour later, Renji was shaking his head and laughing as he and Hisagi waited for Yumichika and Izuru to get back from one of the rides. After a few more seconds, they saw the two of them clinging to each other and screaming after finally coming out of the dark water-slide on a double-seated inner tube. Neither of them could swim very well, so it was pretty funny to see them fall in the water, still hugging and screaming. The lifeguard just rolled his eyes and towed the two of them to the stairs.

Renji snapped a picture before they had a chance to notice. "Hey, isn't that Ichigo's phone?" Hisagi noted. Renji shrugged.

"What Ichigo doesn't know won't hurt me," he said with a shit-eating grin. Shuuhei just rolled his eyes.

"What was that?" came a sinister voice from behind him.

"Oh shit," Renji said, quickly handing a pissed-Ichigo his phone back. That was what he called instant karma. "Nothing, sweetie pie. Baby. Sugar-bomb who I'd never steal from in a-"

Ichigo shoved Renji a little, not enough to knock him into the pool, but enough to make it clear that he would if it happened again.

Shuuhei just laughed his ass off, stopping when Yumichika and Izuru crawled out of the pool, wet and pale, but apparently, they were having fun even if they were scared. They didn't even wait for them and started off in another direction, totally psyched to get to the other corner of the huge room to try out the board-racing ride, which was pretty much the same as the huge slide at most cheap carnivals, except it had water going down each slide.

"What the fuck, they just left?" Ichigo asked, not really as mad about his phone as he'd pretended, which Renji was glad for. Ichigo slipped his phone back into a waterproof bag. He was considering paying the park so that they could use a locker, because he didn't really want to volunteer to watch everybody's stuff. He wanted to _play._ It could be like old times between him and Renji. They hadn't really hung out very much at Cedar Point together, but he really did miss the times they'd had in high school where they'd been insanely competitive and always going new places together.

"Hey Renji, let's go on that one!" Ichigo pointed to a red water slide, that one allowed one person at a time, and said person would be shot down a small tube, sent into a funnel with a hole at the bottom, and then dropped straight down about six feet - _kerplunk_ \- into a deep pool.

"No way!" Renji said vehemently. "I'm claustrophobic, man, you know that!… I wonder if anyone's ever gotten stuck in there. That tube's pretty small… What if you got stuck and then the water filled up and drowned you?!"

"Okay, okay, let's not be paranoid here… Hm… Let's go on _that_ one then!"

"Okay!"

The two ran off, leaving Hisagi there trying to spot where Yumichika and Izuru had gone. Meanwhile, Ikkaku and Rangiku were running up stairs practically nonstop for two of the one person slides that didn't really have any sort of line, except for other kids who had the same idea as them. The ride went fast enough that there wasn't really any wait, and was pretty much a one person ride in the dark, getting tossed from side to side down a water slide and then sent along the ground to give you time to slow down.

The only bad part was sliding over places where the plastic was uneven, which hurt on Ikkaku's bare back. Rangiku said she didn't notice anything, saying that she was totally beating him.

"No way, in your dreams!"

After waiting about ten minutes, Renji and Ichigo finally got to go down the slide in an inner-tube that was practically a boat. The tubes had to be hauled up to the tops of the ladders on a mechanical rig that Renji was way too excited about. He was jittering a little bit, and Ichigo took a moment to remind himself that Renji had probably never done most of this stuff before.

"You scared?" Ichigo asked, only half-teasing as they stepped into the small pool at the start-section of the ride. The lifeguard held the tube until they got in, waiting for the light to turn green. Then without warning, he shoved them down.

"Pssh, no way- AAAAH!" Renji freaked out since the tube had spun so that he was going backwards as they went down, which probably gave him the sensation that he was falling. Ichigo just laughed and let his boyfriend grab his arms and scream.

"We're fine, we're fine!" Ichigo tried to comfort him, still laughing a little bit. Renji just kept screaming, alternately laughing and grabbing him harder when they went around a curve. Ichigo had to admit, it was really unnerving to go down a hill backwards, and he even caught himself leaning forward to grab Renji's upper arms to keep himself from flopping off. It's not like it wasn't safe, but there was that thrill that they just might be in danger of hurting themselves. They'd probably end up doing this so many times that they'd be purposefully trying to throw each other off the raft, but there was a first time for everything, so neither of them tried to do so yet.

Renji was laughing his ass off now, high off of that little scare as they went around in a huge funnel and slid down the rest of the way. They hopped off the inner tube into the pool and waded to the stairs, getting out. Renji took a moment to catch his breath and tell Ichigo he'd burn all his clothes if he told anyone about how much he'd screamed, but Ichigo had already grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards something else.

"Woah…" Renji watched on as Ichigo dragged him towards a fake beach, which was lined with lawn chairs and towel bags and parents who were taking a break. The pool here had seemed pretty normal earlier, but now Renji could see near-chaotic waves rocking the water, sending kids and inner tubes practically flying. It looked almost like a crappy horror movie, but the screaming was just from people laughing. It looked really fun, actually, and Renji practically tripped onto his face from how much Ichigo was pulling him to hurry up.

"C'mon, c'mon," Ichigo urged, pulling him even more towards the wave pool.

"Okay, geez," Renji laughed, caught off guard by his enthusiasm. He grinned. Maybe things were finally returning to normal between them. Maybe it was back to the good ol' days.

It seriously was as fun as it looked. It looked awkward from a distance because you were squeezed in and jostled against a bunch of strangers, but everybody was having so much fun that it was kind of nice. Every once in a while, a kid that was just swimming instead of floating in an inner tube would grab onto one of their inner tubes so they could take a break and hitchhike, and they just let them, getting splashed and doused with water and nearly flipping over a couple times.

After twenty odd minutes getting practically drowned and squashed between strangers, struggling to hold hands to keep their inner tubes together through the rough waves, Renji and Ichigo seriously could not laugh anymore or their faces would fall off. They stumbled back onto the shallow end of the pool, sitting down and scooting their way back up onto the 'beach'. They chatted for a while and splashed each other and played with other people's kids and babies around the water jets lining the 'shore'. They finally got up to try to make it on a few more water slides before everyone met up again.

"Hey, I think we should move," Renji said.

"What's wrong with our apartment?" Ichigo asked in confusion.

"No, dummy, I meant from this spot," Renji said in exasperation, swatting Ichigo on the head. The water had dried and his hair was sticking up like crazy, even though the water was cleaned with salt instead of chlorine. Ichigo seriously looked like a porcupine.

"Oh. You didn't have ta' call me a dummy."

"Yes I did."

"So why do we have to move?"

"He's coming this way," Renji pointed to Ikkaku, who had a towel around his neck and looked steamed.

"Oh, he looks pissed," Ichigo mumbled. "He's lost, isn't he?"

Ikkaku made his way up to them and cut to the chase. "I can't find my-"

"Yumichika's that way," Renji said, pointing to where he'd last seen the giggling soaked idiot.

"Oh thanks," Ikkaku said, leaving as quickly as he'd come. Ichigo just laughed a little bit, rubbing his toe. Scraping your feet on the floor of a pool could be a new form of torture. Stubbing your toe was like murder.

"Wanna' go on the zip-line ride?"

"Nah, the line's insane. Besides, you don't even get to sit in the water."

"You don't?" Renji asked in confusion. Ichigo explained that it was a little canoe type thingie that was sped along a metal track through a couple puddles, so it was more like a roller coaster. "Oh."

"Besides, I heard one of the dads say that their kid got whiplash and bonked his forehead. He didn't get seriously hurt, but apparently it really throws you around."

"Hm. Too crazy to do before dark, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. So let's go try-" And on it went for another few hours. It wasn't until they started getting seriously hungry that they began to band together again and think about taking a break. That was when they realized it was literally _four thirty._

"Huh. Maybe we should take a break then," Iba suggested, completely soaked. He and Hisagi had probably embarrassed themselves about twenty times trying to learn to surf, but who the fuck cared. This was way more fun than anyone had anticipated. It seemed like purely a kid's park, but it was actually really awesome.

They were getting pretty hungry though, so they decided to change back into some clothes and take a break for a few hours to get dinner and wander around. That left them in the changing room, which appeared gross just because of how wet it was, but then again, what could be done?

There wasn't a lot of space, so Ikkaku and Yumichika ended up behind a curtain in one of the changing spots, and Yumichika asked Ikkaku if he could hold up a towel for him so he could get his wet shorts off and at least get some underpants on without any weirdos peeping at them. Of course, Ikkaku could not refuse his sweetie. Ichigo whined like crazy while having to change in a toilet stall. He spent the entire time standing on the toilet seat, refusing to let his feet or clothes touch the floor. Renji told him to shut up, but the moment they traded places, Renji started whining too.

Izuru kept asking around for his lost goggles, and by then Ikkaku was stripping down in the corner and Yumichika was toweling his own torso off while standing in his underwear. After struggling to worm his pants on over his wet legs, he set the towel down on the ground and sat down on it, pulling up his jeans an inch at a time. He didn't really feel weird about them changing together because neither of them was really looking. It was fine, right?

Ikkaku kept asking him if he had this, this, and this, making sure he had all his clothes and hadn't left anything, and even though it irked him a little, it was actually pretty nice of him to care, so Yumichika suffered through it.

Hisagi looked like he'd been caught in a typhoon, because he'd just put a towel on his head, rubbed it around, and then let his hair dry like that, but Izuru didn't say anything about it, so no one else did either. Iba was freaking out because he thought he'd lost his sunglasses, but it turned out they were clipped to his shirt backwards.

Renji stuck his head under a hand-dryer for a few minutes, insisting that Ichigo wait for him. Yumichika did the same – albeit not for as long as Renji – which left his hair moderately dry and a little messy, but Ikkaku really liked it that way.

They spent another few minutes trying to figure out this little machine that you could put your wet swimsuit inside of to dry it. It squeezed out the water and left them warm and dry, like some kind of clothes-microwave. Ikkaku seemed overly-pleased when Yumichika let him share his swim-bag. Yumichika had to tell him to stop trying to hold his hand.

When they all finally got out of there, Rangiku made fun of them, saying that girls were supposed to be the ones who took a long time in the bathroom. She'd apparently been out there for 'like, ten whole minutes'.

They meant to worm their way out of the arcade, but before they could, they passed by the pizza bar that was also downstairs and saw a _cookie line._

There was a booth with boxes upon boxes of plain round sugar cookies that tasted like absolute magic, and they were _free._

Nearby was a set-up of a few tables with dozens of bowls of frosting, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and other sweet items. Rangiku literally just stared for a second, before mumbling that this place was heaven.

Yumichika liked his cookie plain, and actually went back for another. They were really good, and didn't taste like regular sugar cookies. There seriously had to be some magic in there. Izuru and Hisagi just put on some frosting, while Ikkaku and Renji literally made a point of putting every kind of sprinkle on, even if there was no way that they would all stick to the cookie, but who the fuck cared.

Ichigo's ended up bright pink, with pink frosting, pink sprinkles, pink sugar crystals, and he insisted that it was because the pink ones always tasted better. When Renji made fun of him, he licked Renji's cookie and put it back on the plate, which started an arm-wrestling competition over who had to go back and make another one for Renji.

They all went back to their rooms then and lazed around for a little while, eating some snacks for a very late lunch. They were planning on getting real dinner later that night in the form of pizza from some other place so that it wasn't so insanely expensive.

Rangiku had her hair up in a bun and was doing some sudoku puzzles and painting her toenails. Yumichika was reading a book to Ikkaku, and Renji and Ichigo were taking a little nap together on top of the blankets. Nobody could tell if they were actually sleeping or just lying there listening.

Hisagi and Kira talked quietly with Iba in the other room, discussing what they thought would be in the new Star Wars movies. After about an hour of cooling down, Hisagi and Ikkaku went out, got three pizzas, and brought them back. Everybody piled in one room in front of the TV, ate chips, and drank soda while watching Wheel of Fortune.

They swam for a few more hours later on, and this time Renji and Ichigo walked around, trying to find the entrance to the lazy river, which snaked around the whole indoor park. They kept seeing bits of it and had seen the exit earlier, but they couldn't find the entrance. It actually took a while since they kept ending up near the first aid section near the employee exit, which definitely was the wrong way. Eventually they found it, and after Renji shoved Ichigo under one of the fountains without warning, they spent the entire time chasing each other on foot and mock-drowning the other by jumping on their back and towing them down into the water. The lifeguards didn't have the heart to stop them as long as they didn't splash anyone else who was just floating along peacefully.

Renji swam underwater silently for a couple minutes, trying to spy an empty inner tube that he could swipe. Ichigo had the same idea it seemed, and they ended up knocking heads and fighting over it. Without warning, Yumichika appeared out of nowhere and snatched it up. They could hear Ikkaku somewhere in the background yelling something and Yumichika just gave this mischievous grin and told them that they never saw him.

They decided that that was a good time to slip away and ended up going on the last few slides that they hadn't tried out yet, even making their way through the kid's section so they could play with all of the equipment, which was chock full of new ways to dunk each other. Ichigo and another kid started a squirt gun fight and stalked Renji through the playground, dragging him over just in time for the huge bucket at the top of the playset to fill up and dump over everyone.

Renji coughed a couple times, hair coming down in his face, and he spat a little, wiping his eyes. Ichigo looked pathetic with his hair plastered flat to his head, with just one piece sticking up, and Renji didn't know whether to punch him, shove him in the pool, or just kiss him.

Ichigo looked back with this troll-grin and Renji noogied him. This was exactly why he loved the little twerp.

Renji dragged him by the ear a little bit and then took off with him to go back to the wave pool. Those kids ended up following them, wanting to have a splash fight. The parents didn't seem to be wary of them, perhaps thinking they were brothers or something and not lovers, so they let the kids gang up on them and try to put them in headlocks. They failed, of course, and Renji ended up with a couple little boys hanging off of him like koalas. Ichigo just busted out laughing, jumping on him too, which finally knocked him over onto his butt. He made a surprised noise, having sat down hard in the shallow end of the beach, splashing Ichigo in the face.

"You guys stink!" Renji laughed, flopping into the water, trying to get his hair back into a manageable ponytail. Ichigo just laughed uncontrollably, seriously _giggling_ like he was five, because Renji looked so stupid and dorky. Renji grinned and gave up on his hair, slightly uncomfortable with all these people here. Ichigo's hand accidentally touched his under water, and Renji made to move away, but Ichigo grabbed his hair-tie out of his hand and made him lay back, gathering all his hair under the water and then had him sit up, making a ponytail for him and then tying his sopping bandana back around his forehead.

"Oh, thanks," Renji said, turning and mock-glaring at the kids. "I'm gonna' get you monkeys now." They all squealed and stomped away, little feet making big splashes as they tried to get out of range. Ichigo just sat there, up to his belly button in the water, knees poking up above the surface. He grinned, watching Renji pick one of the kids up under his arm and tickled them.

For some reason, that moment made him really nostalgic and his heart was telling his eyes to take a mental picture of this moment for a sad day, in case Renji ever left his life due to some tragic accident or his own screw up. That familiar tug to his heartstrings was nice to feel from time to time. It was nice to know that his feelings for Renji really hadn't faded at all over the years. Things had been hard for a long time, and shit was difficult, but it didn't have to stay that way. Renji was a good man, and it was nice to appreciate that for a couple seconds, watching Renji hang a kid by his ankle and pretend like he was going to dunk him underwater.

The kid freaked out and grabbed Renji's swimming trunks, and then Renji had a minor moment of panic, thinking that the kid was going to pull his shorts down.

Ichigo dunked his head underwater, but only so Renji wouldn't hear him laughing.

* * *

Long after dark, they were all spending tokens like little kids, getting insanely bloodthirsty over games of Fruit Ninja or Whack-A-Mole. Since it was so dark, Ikkaku took a chance and was holding Yumichika's hand, even though the pretty boy said that it was distracting him from killing clown zombies on his shooting game.

Yumichika was _good, _and it was _hot._

Ikkaku ended up playing it too to try to beat him and impress him, and even though Ikkaku was good at it too, Yumichika's aim was definitely a lot better, so he ended up having a lot more points.

Hisagi was showing some kids how to play DDR the right way, and Kira and Iba were practically screaming at one of those coin-dozer machines, trying really hard to get this mini-ipod to fall. There were probably hundreds of coins piled up and wedged together up at the top of the little ramp of the coin dozer, and it really looked like if they got the coin mower to push some coins out, one of them would knock down a whole ton, but nope, it would just get wedged in the pile with the rest, and it was really aggravating them.

Rangiku was talking with a guy near the ultra-violet mini-golf room, and it looked like they were actually having a serious conversation. Iba eventually went back to the room so he could Skype with his girlfriend.

Renji and Ichigo had been so insanely competitive on pretty much every game - especially skees-ball - that they had probably a few thousand tickets between them, and they decided to give them to a kid, because they really didn't want any of the prizes. The little girl they picked looked like she was going to have a heart attack, as if the best thing possible in the entire world had happened to her. Renji actually looked a little spooked, thinking she was going to cry or something, but then she started smiling and said thank you so many times that Renji calmed down and said 'you're welcome'.

They hadn't realized how tired they were, but when they saw the clock they realized that it had been a _long day._

Ichigo literally fell asleep halfway through putting his pajamas on, butt in the air, face planted flat on their bed. Renji had to move his floppy body around and pull his pants the rest of the way up. Ichigo was _tired_, and when Renji heard him almost-snoring, he realized that he was really lucky that Ichigo wasn't insanely cranky right now. Ichigo had only snored that one time when he'd stayed up for a twenty-six hour fundraiser in high school and then had gone to a sleepover and stayed up for probably another six hours.

Renji picked him up and set him on the floor so he could pull the blankets back, and Ichigo was still alarmingly light, but maybe not as much as he had been a week ago. He picked him back up and nearly woke him up; or maybe he did, and Ichigo had just kept his eyes shut anyways. Renji couldn't really tell.

Ichigo made a noise and pulled his knees in, rolling in a ball and grabbing Renji's t-shirt. He wouldn't let go, so Renji just said 'screw it' and got in bed without putting his pj's on. His swim-shorts had dried enough that they wouldn't get the bed wet, and his hair was just damp now, so he figured it was fine.

Ichigo was nice and warm, so Renji put his arms around him and pulled his own legs up around Ichigo so that they were sleeping in a big balled-up knot. It probably didn't look very comfortable, but Renji only had to give one contented sigh before he fell asleep. It had been one of those long days of playing hard that left them completely burnt out, but it felt great all the same.

Yumichika jumped on the bed for a little while, still hyped up that he'd beaten Ikkaku at air hockey. Ikkaku insisted that he'd let him win, but he was pouting so much that Yumichika knew he was lying. Ikkaku just glared and changed his shirt, put on sweatpants, and got in bed.

Yumichika kept making mock-grumpy noises and making fun of Ikkaku's mad-face. Ikkaku eventually laughed and beat him with a pillow. Rangiku put a pillow over her head and threatened to burn them alive if they didn't shut up. Hisagi and Kira were both playing DS together in bed, both with their headphones on, leaning against each other.

Yumichika snuggled up on Ikkaku, and they both smelled like swimming pool, but it was sort of a nice mix. The blankets seemed extra soft after being in swim gear all day, and as they finally settled down, they could feel little tugging sensations as if they were still being rocked by waves.

Without thinking, Ikkaku kissed Yumichika's forehead, and Yumichika went rigid, but allowed it without making a fuss.

"Night, Yumi."

Yumichika smiled and let out a happy sigh, scootching closer and sliding his arms under Ikkaku's, trying to find a nice spot to rest his face. Ikkaku's collarbone wasn't very comfortable, so he wormed his way down a little bit, letting Ikkaku play with his damp hair until he fell asleep.

Yumichika lay awake for a little while, enjoying the subtle bumps against his cheek, which actually rocked his head a tiny bit. Ikkaku's chest against his ear sounded like the ocean, and the heartbeat was like a drum or stereo with the bass turned up. Ikkaku moved in his sleep and fisted a hand in Yumichika's hair, but relaxed almost immediately and started stroking again when he woke back up.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Love you'," Ikkaku said simply, closing his eyes again. Yumichika snorted. Maybe the dork had made a pledge to say it every day or something, or maybe that was supposed to be some sort of 'good night' ritual. He didn't care. It was nice to hear.

He almost said '_I love you too_' out of reflex, but he somehow stayed his tongue. He just wasn't ready to give that much, even if Ikkaku was giving the world. So soon after Kaa, even if what he felt was love, he just didn't feel ready to say it, and that was okay, right? Ikkaku _obviously_ didn't want him to say it until he meant it one hundred percent, and that was alright, so Yumichika didn't feel guilty. It was good to take time like this and not rush things.

Still, as he fell asleep, he smiled, thinking of how wonderful it would feel when he saw Ikkaku's eyes light up the first time he said it back.


	18. Chapter 18

Saturday was a beautiful day with crystal-clear skies. The sun was shining heavily, which ensured that everyone brought protective shades and high SPF sun block with them. They had pretty much stuck indoors on Friday, but such nice weather drew them to the outdoor pools and other tourist attractions.

For most of the time, Yumichika sat in the shade to protect his skin and read, sipping a drink. Kira was animal crazy, so he was dragging Hisagi to the petting zoo and further on so that they could see the giraffes, which were Kira's favorite animal besides birds, oddly enough. They'd all expected it to be a fox or something. Hisagi was bearing it all with a brave face, letting Kira drag him, but beneath it, his exasperation was plain.

Ikkaku didn't know how their relationship was so harmonious, because Hisagi had horrible luck with nature. He was always the one who ended up getting bit, drooled on, stuck with poison ivy, bug bites, and wet legs. Camping was always a nightmare and going to the zoo or swimming in a lake was a complete _joke. _Ikkaku definitely recognized the streak of obvious bad luck and agreed whenever Shuuhei turned up his nose at the idea of going out in the woods or even to the park.

A petting zoo would probably be fine though, and giraffes don't really bite or anything, so Shuuhei agreed to make Kira happy, just hoping that something painful or embarrassing wouldn't happen. Maybe things would be different today.

Renji was in the pool in a volleyball death-match with some other guys their age, and as Ichigo watched from a distance with Iba, he noticed that they were all cheating each other black. He took a moment to appreciate the view of Renji engaged in a childish aggressive activity, soaked and half-naked, but eventually he was dragged into the game too. The lifeguards wouldn't let them play chicken, which sucked, because Renji and Ichigo were _boss_ at that game, but they still spiked beach balls at each other until they were good and tired. Their new friends decided to go soak in the outdoor hot tubs for a while, but Renji and Ichigo didn't go with them. It was so hot out here, and even in the cool water of the swimming pools, whatever wasn't in the water suffered the sun's heat. At least it was a dry heat instead of humidity.

When Kira and Shuuhei came back from the petting zoo, sure enough, Shuuhei was looking mighty frazzled, but he was smiling, which was always a good sign. Apparently, they had a room where you could go inside and play with hundreds of tiny birds that were hopping around and looking for food that they assumed you had. They would land all over you and tickle you with their little feet and beaks.

Hisagi had gotten bitten a little a couple times, but not enough to damper his mood. As far as he was concerned, if he didn't get shit on, everything was fine.

He told a really long complicated story about how a giraffe had eaten a carrot out of his hand and slobbered on him, but it had been kind of fun. It hadn't even bitten him, sneezed on him, or caused him to break out in hives. Nature wasn't so bad when it wasn't beating him senseless.

"That's stupid. So you're happy you got drooled on?" Ikkaku asked, having listened to Hisagi tell the story in silence thus far.

"No, no, c'mon, it was really cool-"

"Uh, yeah... My baby-niece drools on me sometimes too, and I can guarantee you that it is _not_ cool."

"Ugh, you're such a hard-ass," Shuuhei shoved him. Ikkaku shoved him back. Kira opted not to interfere and left them alone, going to find Rangiku and Yumichika. Their little argument ended with Hisagi getting dared to go on the zip line, which entailed being shot out _alone_ in nothing but a mountain-climbing harness along a steel cable that was probably a few hundred yards long. They'd already seen a few people get stuck up there already.

Hisagi looked like he'd rather take a jackhammer up his ass than go up there, but he conceded that he'd go on the rock-wall instead.

That was good enough for Ikkaku. He made sure to nab Yumichika's camera before they went. He didn't want to miss this.

Meanwhile, Renji and Yumichika were waiting in the hot line for the ropes course with Rangiku, who was taking clothes out of Yumichika's day bag and putting them on over her swimsuit while standing in line. She was getting some stares from people, but they were 'you're a weirdo' stares, not 'I want to fuck you' stares. A little girl actually complimented her yellow one-piece, which was the same as her favorite person.

"Yeah? Who's your favorite person?" Rangiku asked, putting her hair up in a ponytail as she buttoned up her jean shorts.

"Big bird!" peeped the little girl. Renji let out a 'pfft', trying not to laugh, ending up spitting on Yumichika a little, which caused Yumichika to yank hard on Renji's still-wet ponytail, which got them into a shoving match. Rangiku told them to quit it before they got kicked out of line.

"We've waited for twenty minutes. We are _not_ getting kicked out before our turn."

"Renji? Renji!" came a voice, which Renji recognized immediately.

"Over here!"

"Oh, hey," Ichigo said, talking to them through a fence. "I'm just gonna' go this way so I can see the baby tiger. They have a little zebra too, but it's sleeping."

"Okay. Take a picture."

"I will," Ichigo replied, staring at his boyfriend, who was trying to wipe his forehead and fix his bandanna. He was _really _sweaty. He offered the precious water he'd been selfishly keeping to himself. "Want some? I just spent like five bucks on this stupid thing." He tossed it over the fence to Renji, who didn't drink it. He just pressed the cold plastic onto his forehead and started rubbing it on his chest.

"Oh gross, dude, give it back!" Ichigo complained. Yumichika took it away with a look of disgust, gingerly opening the cap and taking a gulp, before having it swiped back by Renji, who drank more than half of it.

"Thanks, man," Renji said with a cough, tossing the bottle back over to Ichigo, who seemed to regret having shared it. "Here, can you take this stuff? Please?" he asked nicely, bundling all of their stuff together and trying to hand it to Ichigo over the tall fence.

"Okay, but when you're done with this you'd better come find me and take it back."

"Deal."

* * *

"Hey."

"Oh hey," Ikkaku said, grinning as Yumichika came up to him, handing him a half-finished ice cream. "Can I eat this, or are you just makin' me hold it?"

"Try it, it's good," Yumichika said nicely, staring at Ikkaku and the weird way he was holding the camera. Ikkaku made some nice conversation with him, asking how the ropes course had been. "Terrifying. Renji started freaking out when we went up to the second level and wouldn't move for like ten minutes. That was really scary. It's higher than it looks."

"You're safe with those clips on, though. There's no way you can fall."

"I know, but it's still a scary feeling," Yumichika said with a sigh as Ikkaku tried again to get the camera around the right way, doing it with one hand because he was trying not to drop Yumichika's ice cream. "Turn it around. You're holding it wrong," Yumichika pointed out, trying to take it.

"No, I'm not. I'm not taking a picture of _me_," Ikkaku scoffed. Yumichika frowned, asking what he _was_ taking a picture of then. Ikkaku pointed through the fence, up at the rock climbing wall. Yumichika squinted, taking off his cute sunglasses so he could try to see better.

"What am I looking at exactly?" he asked, not seeing what Ikkaku was trying to show him. A cloud, maybe?

"Look at _Hisagi,_ dummy," Ikkaku got next to Yumichika so he could point it out in his line of vision. Yumichika let Ikkaku get in his personal space and followed the way he was pointing, starting to laugh.

"Oh my gosh, he looks like he's about to pee himself." Yumichika took the ice cream back, eating a little more of it.

"Pfft, yeah. That's what the camera's for."

"Oh, you're so mean," Yumichika said lightly, starting to laugh again when he heard Hisagi singing 'be not afraid' at the top of his lungs. Kira was trying not to smile, just watching him from a nearby bench, waiting for him to come down. "Oh geez, c'mon, let's go swim," Yumichika said, pulling Ikkaku by the wrist so they could go to the swimming pools. Ikkaku hadn't gotten to swim with him today, so of course he didn't complain.

"Here, I don't want the rest," Yumichika said, handing him the ice cream back. Ikkaku looked at it and then looked back to Yumichika, wondering if he was joking.

"Seriously? Only the _cone's_ left!"

"I know, that's my favorite part too, but I can never make it through eating the whole thing," Yumichika said miserably. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and said he'd eat the ice cream next time if he'd ask ahead of time. "How sweet."

"Yes, very sweet." Ikkaku leaned in and tried to get a taste of Yumichika's mouth, but Yumichika just gave him an unimpressed look and walked past him. Ikkaku laughed at the faux-coldness and followed behind, a mean grin spreading over his face.

Yumichika started playing with his hair when they got back to his lawn chair, setting his towel and bag down. He made to get out some sun lotion, but before he could, Ikkaku shoved him into the pool. When Yumichika came up, spitting out water and trying to get hair out of his face, Ikkaku started laughing outright, teasing him. He set down his stuff, trying to get the camera again, but Yumichika had grabbed his ankle and made him lose his balance, and before he knew it, he was crashing backwards and underwater, flailing on top of Yumichika like an idiot.

Yumichika pinched him really hard, which made him spit out all his air, and inhale water on accident. He came up coughing, and Yumichika just wiped water out of his own eyes and slicked his hair back, glaring at him. "You jerk!" Ikkaku shouted, getting a disapproving look from the lifeguard. Yumichika just kept glaring at him, up to his nose in the water.

He tipped his chin up, hopping on his tiptoes so he could breathe. "_You're _the jerk. You started it. If I'm going down, you're going down with me."

"That's stupid, why should we _both _die?" he asked loudly, shoulders poking out of the water. He held out a hand to Yumichika, seeing that he didn't swim very well and was struggling to stay in reach of the air. Yumichika took his arm with force, pulling himself up a little, dragging Ikkaku down an inch in the process. Ikkaku turned, offering his back. Yumichika sneered at the offered help.

They were in public, so of course Ikkaku didn't expect Yumichika to let him give him a piggy-back ride. He did like seeing the reaction from Yumichika's wounded pride though. He loved that attitude of his and his sarcastic cruelty.

"Because," Yumichika replied, closing his eyes and raising his eyebrows, nose in the air.

"That's _petty_," Ikkaku pointed out. Yumichika made it very clear that he did not give one single fuck. Ikkaku was sure that Yumichika was going to let go of him even if it meant going back to half-drowning, so he took Yumichika's wrist in hand and towed him closer, putting an arm around his back to hold him up. All of a sudden, he felt Yumichika curl up and put a foot against his side, using him like the side of the pool wall to give himself a boost in the other direction.

"_Tag, you're it_," Yumichika said childishly, not actually tagging him, just splashing him in the face and jetting away.

"Oh, you are gonna' get it!"

* * *

Everyone partied themselves out, so much so that they were starting to feel like fish. A few of them decided to go back to their rooms early. Ichigo and Renji were still trying to suck every bit of enjoyment out of the water park that they could, and ended up staying out there and in the arcade till past midnight.

Yumichika, Ikkaku, Hisagi, and Kira had gone back to the hotel room at about five, lying around doing crosswords and the like. Ikkaku sprawled across their bed sideways, head propped up on one hand, remote in the other. He was flicking through a few different game shows, changing the channel whenever they hit a commercial.

Yumichika wasn't really watching, draped over Ikkaku's middle, doing some of Rangiku's sudoku while she wasn't there. After Ikkaku had watched cartoons for probably an hour, talking out loud about how unbelievably ridiculous Tom and Jerry episodes get, Yumichika told him to mute the TV for a while.

When he asked why, Yumichika held up his phone, and from the look on his face, Ikkaku got a bad feeling in his gut. He started to feel sort of nervous and suspicious when Yumichika took the call into the other suite and closed the door, but Ikkaku didn't dare listen in, simply asking Kira and Hisagi what they thought was the matter.

"Yumi? You okay?" he called after about ten minutes. When he didn't receive an answer, he assumed that he was still on the phone, so he left him alone. After twenty more minutes, Ikkaku couldn't stand the curiosity and got up, wandering into the other room, surprised to see that Yumichika looked like he hadn't been on the phone for a while now. Yumichika was on the floor, scrambling through some papers with some headphones on.

Ikkaku pulled one of the earmuffs off to ask what was up, and Yumichika looked up in surprise, not having heard him come in. "I have an audition in a few days, and I forgot to practice."

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. If you want an audience, just ask, okay?" Ikkaku said in relief, just glad that it hadn't been Kaa nor something serious like one of Yumichika's relatives dying.

"Alright, thank you," Yumichika said cheerily. Ikkaku grinned and went back to lie on their bed. He hoped that Yumichika would make it. Ikkaku could see the confidence boost that this opportunity had given Yumichika, and he didn't want his dreams to get crushed or something. Hopefully everything would work out.

On the other hand, if Yumichika was successful… it might mean that he'd move out, maybe even move _away_. If he started making some money again, he'd be able to get out of the little apartment he'd escaped to when he'd left Kaa, and he'd have more options than ever. He wouldn't need Ikkaku anymore…

Of course, Ikkaku didn't even _think_ about sabotaging Yumichika, but he knew that his own apartment wouldn't be very appealing once Yumichika could make some more money. Ikkaku wouldn't have any benefits or things to offer in their relationship, and that was a little worrying. He didn't want to be some kind of stepladder for Yumichika to find someone better.

It would be stupid to invite Yumichika to stay in his apartment if he had so many better options out there, and it wasn't as if _he _could ask to live with Yumichika. Would that make him seem like a gold-digger? Shoot, he was over-thinking things. They hadn't even come to that bridge yet, so he didn't need to worry about how to cross it.

They'd still only just met. It was too early to think about all this, but somehow Ikkaku couldn't stand the thought of losing Yumichika, even if 'losing' him meant that he couldn't see him every day. They might've just met, but Ikkaku had fallen in love with him.

Maybe he was getting obsessive. Maybe it was wrong to feel this way. It was selfish to want to ruin Yumichika's chances just to keep him with him. That would be_ stifling_ Yumichika, and he didn't want to do that. Maybe he should talk to Renji about this. Maybe he needed to just calm down, because if he started clinging, Yumichika would be chased away.

Ikkaku eventually came to some peace of mind, but still, he held Yumichika a little tighter that night, hoping it wouldn't be the last time he got to do so.

* * *

Everyone went to bed pretty early and left on Sunday morning, arriving home at about one o' clock.

Renji and Ichigo drove Ikkaku and Yumichika back to Ikkaku's apartment, and from there, the two of them picked up Yumichika's cat and lazed around on the couch for a while, not unpacking yet.

Ikkaku grinned as Yumichika recited his lines silently over and over, headphones on, eyes closed, lips moving without saying anything aloud. Ikkaku didn't bother him, not wanting to break his flow, but after a couple minutes, he grabbed one of Yumichika's feet, making him turn sideways on the couch so he could lie next to him and fall asleep on his chest.

Yumichika's hands naturally came up to his head and trailed over his scalp. He didn't complain about Ikkaku's weight or anything, so Ikkaku closed his eyes and lie still, trying to pet Haruki, who seemed to be jealous that he was lying in _her_ human's lap. She hissed at him, so he stopped trying to touch her, but eventually Yumichika made a little noise and she settled on top of them, letting Yumichika scratch around her ears for a little bit.

After a few minutes, Yumichika got uncomfortable and pushed Ikkaku off. Ikkaku grunted and opened his eyes, sitting up and turning on the TV. Yumichika seemed to feel guilty, seeing that he'd made Ikkaku feel rejected, so he stuck his feet in his lap and rubbed his stomach a little. Ikkaku just laughed and turned on Wipeout, playing with Yumichika's toes.

He didn't dare mention their living arrangements even though it was driving him nuts. He was half-hoping that Yumichika would just forget about it and stay here indefinitely. Maybe he could convince him to move out of his apartment and stay here with him. Hopefully that wouldn't be too forward of him.

He got stuck in an endless loop of 'should I say something' and 'no, don't say anything', sitting there staring blankly at the TV screen without taking anything in.

Eventually Yumichika got tired of practicing or meditating or whatever he was doing, and got up, taking off his headset. He let out a swift breath and smiled at Ikkaku. "Let's dance."

"What, right now?"

"Yeah," Yumichika said with a grin, pulling him up.

"Why?"

"Because I'm happy." Looking into Yumichika's eyes, Ikkaku felt this huge wave of 'it's okay' flood over him.

"Heh'. Me too."

* * *

"Home again, home again, jiggity jog," Renji mumbled, taking out his keys as Ichigo lugged their stuff up the steps. Neither of them wanted to take more than one trip, so like the stubborn jackasses they were, they'd hauled _everything_ with them.

"I'm ready ta' crash," Ichigo said with a yawn, messed up from getting up so early.

"Okay. We can sleep for the rest of the day if you want," Renji said lightly, opening the door and helping Ichigo get everything inside. They aired out the apartment and sprayed some air freshener, checking the fridge and the thermostat. Neither of them felt like cooking or going grocery shopping, so Renji decided he'd call for a pizza later. Bacon and pineapple was Ichigo's favorite, and Renji liked ham and mushroom, so they'd get half and half.

Ichigo just gave a sleepy moan and was ready to collapse on the couch, but Renji grabbed his arm before he could. Ichigo glared up at him, upset that the release he'd been waiting for was denied. He'd been halfway through his stress-killing _flop_, and Renji had ruined it! "What the fuck?" he asked calmly, causing Renji to laugh.

"Go ta' bed," he said with a grin, unbuttoning his shirt. Ichigo gave him a cranky glare, but Renji said he'd catch up in a minute. "Go get comfy."

"Okay… I want to _sleep_," he informed Renji snippily, pointing at him with that look that told him he'd better not be fucking around or he'd get locked out of their room.

"I know," Renji said, still grinning like an idiot. He'd really had fun on their vacation, and it was weighing nicely on his heart to have finally gotten Ichigo to unwind a little. He felt like doing something nice for the butthead now that he wasn't likely to get kicked in the ass for daring to offer 'help'.

"Well, okay then," Ichigo conceded, letting his crankiness fade away, seeming to have realized that he didn't have a reason to be yelling at Renji.

Renji unpacked their stuff and folded up their clothes, putting them in a laundry basket. After that, he put away their leftover snacks, their swim-gear, and he paid some bills and took care of a couple other things. Even if he didn't mention doing it, Ichigo would _know_ that he'd taken care of everything when he went back there.

Giving Ichigo a good half an hour alone, he grabbed some oil and shed his shirt, wandering into their bedroom. Ichigo was lying on his stomach on top of the blankets. Perfect.

Putting his weight on the bed, Renji crawled over him and planted a kiss on his shoulder. "Mm?" Ichigo made a sleepy noise, but didn't kick him, which was a good sign. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten to cuddle Ichigo without getting hit in the head at some point. If he got him in a good mood, Ichigo would surely let them snuggle for a while later. Renji started rubbing his back, dragging an involuntary moan from his stressed lover. Ichigo wormed around a little, getting comfortable on his belly, but he let Renji sit on his legs and play around, massaging his shoulders and lower back until he was a pile of mush.

Renji got Ichigo's shirt off all the way and did a couple of long strokes all the way up his spine, ending with a kiss to the back of his neck, and then he tugged Ichigo's pants off, squeezing his butt teasingly. Ichigo made a noise, but sat still, since Renji coupled it with rubbing his back some more, circling his thumbs comfortingly around each individual vertebrae of his spine. Ichigo let out a quiet sigh, stress seeping out of him all at once. He hadn't expected this at all.

Renji didn't usually do nice things for him unless he knew they'd be accepted, so loosening him up during their vacation time and testing to see whether he'd relaxed a little had been a good idea before trying to do this. Ichigo really did appreciate this, not complaining or shying away, walls down enough that he allowed the comfort. He really had missed Renji's touch, but he'd been so tense lately that he'd hardly been able to stand his presence. He acknowledged the fact that until recently, he'd been crankier and maybe meaner than normal to Renji, lashing out more than necessary.

Renji really was a good guy, and he'd been so understanding in these past few weeks. He'd let Ichigo deal with his stress by himself for those months, which he was grateful for, but in this last month especially, Renji had been trying so hard, and Ichigo could see that. Up until last week, it had been a long time since they'd made love, and Ichigo was glad that Renji had made the effort to try to get him to calm down before they went on their trip. It would've been no fun if he'd been worrying the whole time about whether their bills would get paid.

Ichigo made a soft noise as Renji's hands rolled up underneath his shoulder blades, digging through the muscles of his back just hard enough to give Ichigo those soothing tingles. Ugh, he loved this man and his magic hands.

"This okay?" Renji asked lowly.

"Mm… Mhm," Ichigo mumbled, letting Renji rub his thighs, working down his legs. He didn't even think of snapping or pushing Renji away. No, there was no way he was going to act ungrateful. This was really nice of him, and it was getting Ichigo warm deep in his gut. How he loved those strong hands and every muscle he could feel against his back, pressing down over him. The pressure put on his hips started to mount, and it just felt so nice all over that Ichigo couldn't hold in an appreciative moan. After messing around for another twenty minutes, relaxing Ichigo's whole body, Renji ran his oiled fingers up between Ichigo's legs, not surprised when he twitched and gave him a look that wasn't quite a glare.

"Wanna'?" Renji asked, circling his slippery thumb around, pressing teasingly. Ichigo just lay his head back down, pushing his hips up a little. Yes, yes, he did 'wanna', and Renji had better shut up about it. Renji grinned, shedding his clothes eagerly. "Oh shoot, one second," he made to get up, but Ichigo reminded him that he didn't need a condom anymore. The look of realization on Renji's face as it dawned on him just made everything that much sweeter. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

Ichigo smiled, now in the mood, letting Renji laze around and spend an obscene amount of time preparing him. Even though he pushed Renji away all too often, he'd be lying if he said he didn't love it when Renji paid attention to him. For once, he lapped it right up, returning to that pleasant glowing mood that he'd felt when they were teenagers that had just fallen in deliriously passionate love.

Ichigo was more vocal than normal to let Renji know that he liked it and that he was grateful for the tender attention that so rarely occurred between them. Renji seemed to want to make up for the last time when he hadn't spent long enough preparing him and had hurt him, and Ichigo sure wasn't complaining if Renji was going to make foreplay this enjoyable. He'd needed a massage for such a long time, and the warm slide of Renji's hands on his shoulders and neck were just as welcome as his tongue and thumbs testing his rear.

Now in a playful mood that he hadn't felt in over a year, Ichigo rolled over onto his back to Renji's obvious surprise, spreading his legs apart eagerly. Renji grinned and pushed him back, knees next to his head. Ichigo hummed in appreciation when Renji gave him a slow lick, eyes flicking to his.

He could feel that Renji had gotten hard, erection jutting against his back as Renji knelt behind him and spread him apart with his fingers. Ichigo hissed and moaned as Renji grabbed his hard-on and sucked on it gratuitously, fingers simultaneously twisting inside him.

Ichigo gave a little laugh, biting his lip and purring lowly as Renji ran his tongue in endless circles, getting him going in all the right ways.

He felt really calm and pleasure-lax, rolling onto his belly, letting Renji get on top of him and slick him up more with that massage oil. He knew that Renji had a thing for dragging things out and teasing all the senses. They'd done things every which way when they were younger, but after knowing each other for so long, Ichigo could definitely say that Renji really came alive when they engaged in foreplay like this, taking hours to share in that intimacy that Renji had lacked, no matter how gentle or rough. Renji loved to hold him and to lock hands and gaze into his eyes while they did it. He loved to kiss him and whisper shit to him, and he loved that feeling of their bodies pressing together from head to toe, and Ichigo knew that.

He let Renji set his weight down on him, back pressed up against his strong chest. Renji's arms came down underneath his, holding them together as his face neared his ear, soft breath tickling his hair. Ichigo loved that thick smell and the weight of Renji's muscular body, and he smiled when Renji whispered some weird, paying him close attention and stroking his face.

He could feel his lover's erection there in the cleft of his ass, heavy and hot as Renji settled his weight down upon him, kissing his neck and biting his ear. Ichigo hummed in pleasure, pushing his hips up a little, enjoying the heat and the pulsations of the shaft of Renji's dick against his asshole. The teasing got him excited.

Renji pulled back and pressed the slippery head of his cock against Ichigo's ass, testing the resistance. He moaned heavily, feeling the heat, just imagining how it would feel to guiltlessly press inside and feel everything without that latex barrier. "Mmm," he groaned, thrusting against Ichigo a few times, just enjoying the slide of skin and the way Ichigo's tight little butt felt against his erection.

He'd been dreaming of this all weekend, seeing Ichigo in his soaked swim-trunks, hugging his body perfectly and sending those sparkling droplets down his legs. Oh, he'd dreamed of them being together like this for years, and now it was finally happening. Only he would ever get to do this. He was the first and only man who would ever be Ichigo's lover, and he wanted to savor every moment, every little noise Ichigo made.

Ichigo gave a moan, spreading his thighs apart further, bucking his hips down into the mattress as Renji's weight lessened on him. He was practically inviting Renji in, so with trepidation and excitement, Renji lined himself up and pressed forward, sinking all the way into Ichigo's relaxed body. The lube made the slide easy, and Renji clenched up his stomach, marveling at the heat and the silky sensation of Ichigo's hot skin. He could feel every heartbeat and muscle inside of Ichigo, fitting so perfectly around him that he wondered why they hadn't been doing it this way all along. This was how it was supposed to feel; this was truly being joined together. Fuck, he could cum just from being inside, it felt so good.

Ichigo was laying there, inner muscles relaxed, but upper body tensed up in shock, and Renji tried to stay still, finding that it was really hard to do so. It felt twice as good without the condom, and the slide was so much easier that he couldn't resist. His pelvis rocked involuntarily, grinding against Ichigo's smaller hips beneath him, desperate for friction to fulfill the urge of this new pleasurable sensation. The slide was so perfect that Renji couldn't stop himself.

Ichigo moaned, there having been no pain whatsoever, just amazed at the _heat_ and how turned on it got him. There wasn't that annoying raw feeling of folds in the condom scraping away at his insides, and there wasn't that awful burning every time the plastic gathered friction from inadequate lubrication. It was _silky_ and so warm that it took his breath away. He had no idea how they could both be feeling heat at the same time, but there was some sort of gut instinct for him to push his hips back, trying to tell Renji to get going.

"How is it?" Renji gasped, finally getting a handle on himself enough to talk. He thrust slowly into Ichigo, which was difficult, because it felt so good that he didn't want to pull back for a single moment. This. . . this felt like heaven, and he didn't want to leave. He withdrew about an inch before pressing back in, skin tingling so much that all the hair on the backs of his arms was standing straight up.

If this was really what making love was like, then Renji was truly impressed. He could definitely feel the difference. He really felt like they'd merged together or something; he felt so connected that he could hardly breathe, hardly look away even for a moment. Affection rolled through him in a lazy wave. Oh, he loved Ichigo, he _loved_ him.

Ichigo just moaned in response to his question, biting his lip. Renji lay back down on top of him, spreading Ichigo's legs with his own, rolling his hips against his as he licked Ichigo's neck.

Without that plastic, it felt like Renji was deeper inside him than ever before, the natural feeling of his skin setting him ablaze with lust. With every heavy pounding of Renji's hips, Ichigo could feel some deep part of him heating up, begging for more, more, _now._

Renji backed off a little, kneeling on either side of Ichigo's thighs, looking down to watch their movements. He curled his hips slowly, trying to keep an even rhythm. Ichigo tightened up around him every time he aimed a little better than the others, and just the idea that he could cum inside of Ichigo without worry made his balls tighten up.

He turned Ichigo over and took his erection in hand, jerking tight and fast in time with his thrusts. If he was going to come this quick, he couldn't have Ichigo teasing him about it. This was too good, this was far too good for him to last long.

Ichigo moaned, holding his legs back, watching Renji spit into his hand and pump his arousal. Renji leaned down to give him a few kisses, running his thumb over the sensitive head of Ichigo's penis, just in time for him to cum.

Renji thrust deep, eyes screwed shut as he let loose inside of Ichigo, feeling his cock pumping semen into him unabated. It was a pleasant warmth along with the hugging sensation of Ichigo clenching around him, and it didn't immediately feel cold or shameful like it did with a condom.

Ichigo stiffened up, holding still as he tried to compare the sensation to anything else he'd ever felt. Renji had cum inside him before, of course, but he hadn't been able to feel it like this. He could feel Renji's heart beat and every tensing of his girth as warmth exploded within him, deeper than he thought was possible. Ichigo wasn't entirely sure if he liked it. At first it felt okay, but as the pleasure faded, it became unpleasantly wet. Renji pulled out, a string of cum connecting them even as he moved away.

Ichigo sighed and made a face as he felt the sticky sensation of cum leaking out of him as their sweat dried. Renji just stared at him for a minute, in awe about how good that had been, and then he flopped down next to him, taking his hand. Ichigo scootched closer, settling his head near his side. Renji lay there next to him, smiling with his eyes closed, feeling content and heavy, ready to fall asleep.

"Aah!" he jumped up when he felt Ichigo's mouth on his cock, which was still wet and sensitive from post-orgasm aftershocks. He tried to push Ichigo's head back, but quickly caught himself. Ichigo hardly ever would do this for him, and he'd damn well better let him if Ichigo was offering it. Renji flopped back, whimpering, so sensitive that it was almost painful. Ichigo had mercy on him and gave him a little break in favor of fingering himself and pinching his own nipples, licking his lips.

He loved how Renji felt inside of him without that stupid rubber, and once wasn't enough for right now. Renji was _not_ going to sleep until they did it for at least another twenty minutes. Renji had gotten him all worked up, so he'd better deliver on it.

Renji lay there watching Ichigo masturbate, already feeling a distant stirring deep in his gut again. He'd gone and gotten Ichigo in the mood, so it wasn't as if he could roll over and go to sleep. That would be messed up. Besides, it was so hot to just watch him, because it was a rare treat. Ichigo still got pretty embarrassed by things like that, but after that rub down, Ichigo seemed relaxed enough to put on a show.

When Renji grabbed his ankle and pulled his leg up, blatantly staring at Ichigo's dick and his fingers going inside himself, Renji wasn't surprised when he got kicked in the stomach.

"Ow," Renji complained as Ichigo pounced on him, shoving a pillow in his face in a poor attempt to keep him from watching as he licked his lips in anticipation. He spread Renji's legs apart a little and got in between them, trying to wipe some excess cum off of Renji's still-aching groin. "Easy, _easy_," Renji said as Ichigo gripped him a little too rough, trying to get him hard again.

"C'mon, man, I wanna' fuck so bad," Ichigo whined when Renji explained that he couldn't get it up that fast anymore. "What? Dude, we're not even thirty yet. Are you kidding?"

"Sorry, geez, I still need a few minutes at least!" Renji whined back, trying to get Ichigo on his back so he could finger him. If he could pleasure Ichigo this way for a while, then his groin could get a break. Ichigo explained that fingers just weren't the same, and finally he just slugged Renji in the gut and made him lay back so he could blow him.

He whimpered as Ichigo licked at his sensitive head, pulling and squeezing enough that he started to get hard again. It still sort of ached, but Renji wasn't complaining as Ichigo looked up at him and sucked on his cock obscenely. Oh holy fuck, how long he'd fantasized about this.

Ichigo knew he had him beat, because he had that smug look in his eye. He wasn't _that_ great at this, but Renji could tell Ichigo was trying his best. The problem Ichigo had with it usually, was that it put a lot of strain on his neck, so he had to go slow and only take as much as he could handle.

Still, Renji had been waiting for this for so long that it felt great. Adding how sensitive and sore he was, Ichigo's tongue sent shivers through him like wildfire. Renji's hand went to the back of his head, fisting in his spiky sweaty hair. Ichigo bobbed his head, swirling his tongue a little, taking his time.

When Ichigo started to get tired, he pulled back and sucked on the tip, pumping the rest in an even rhythm with his hand. After a short break, he started bobbing his head again, going as deep as he could, which was only about halfway. Ichigo's gag reflex was really sensitive, but Renji didn't mind that, letting him play around as much as he wanted. It felt really good, especially when Ichigo would pull back and tease his slit with his tongue.

When Renji was worked up enough, Ichigo got on his lap and leaned forward, letting Renji take control. Renji had always wanted to see Ichigo pin him down like this and ride him like a horny teenager, but Ichigo wasn't that confident in bed, and Renji could vaguely remember him saying that trying to 'ride' Renji didn't feel good, and that it was like trying to tickle himself. It just didn't work, and that was fine, Renji supposed.

Ichigo leaned down and kissed Renji, moaning in enthusiasm when Renji thrust into him, not needing any lubricant because of their previous roll-around. Renji moaned uncomfortably, squirming. The aftershocks were still lingering and he was so sensitive that it almost hurt. It wasn't so bad if he didn't pull back too far, though, so Renji thrust quicker and harder than before, but not enough that it would be considered rough.

Ichigo started laughing a little bit, causing Renji to slow down in confusion. Ichigo just smiled playfully, snaking his arms around Renji's neck and wrapping his legs around him, rolling them over. Renji grinned, catching on, kissing Ichigo's neck, just enjoying the contact between their naked torsos. Ichigo took Renji's hair down, rolling his hips back slowly, clenching teasingly as they kissed.

"Mm," Renji hummed with a smile, holding Ichigo and kissing him all over his face, licking his earlobe. Ichigo moaned, shuddering, giving a small laugh as Renji grinned and kissed his cheek, rocking his hips really slow and deep. Ichigo ran his hands over Renji's back, gripping his muscled arms and pressing his body up against his, sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Renji took one of Ichigo's legs up onto his shoulder and continued thrusting in a deep rhythm, tangling his tongue with Ichigo's as he made love to him. Rivers of sweat ran down his chest and Ichigo's moans vibrated his tongue and tickled his mouth as he ground against him. Ichigo's hands knotted in his hair and pulled just right, sending chills down his back.

Ichigo latched onto him again and let Renji roll them over. He quickly crawled off and got on all fours, letting Renji get behind him and thrust into him again. When Renji wasn't going hard enough for his tastes, Ichigo made his need clear by taking Renji's hand and making him grab his hair. Renji laughed and kissed Ichigo's neck, backing up again and pulling on Ichigo's hair, not too hard, but enough that it tugged his body back in time with each thrust of his hips.

He didn't think he'd ever get tired of how natural this felt, which was ironic, considering that they were an anomaly of nature. The slide was so nice, and Ichigo was so receptive to him tonight that he was sure that things were finally going to go back to how they'd been at the peak of their romance.

Ichigo practically begged for it, so Renji went a little faster, pulling back farther each time so that it could satisfy Ichigo's need for that deep contact. There were small slapping sounds coming from their sweaty skin and the creaking of the bed as he thrust into him, Ichigo's ass touching his stomach with every beat of the rhythm.

Renji didn't want to be rough on him when he'd gotten him to lighten up this much, but Ichigo's eyes were rolling back and he was encouraging Renji enough that he selfishly gave in and thrust choppily to fit his own need, cumming inside of Ichigo again. He was sure he'd never get tired of that.

This time the orgasm was so strong and sharp that he pulled back quickly with a cry, holding his crotch protectively. Ichigo looked at him in concern, obviously wanting to go again, but this time he didn't ask for more, simply lying on his back and pumping his erection leisurely, watching Renji all too closely.

They ended up doing it again later on the kitchen floor, and then again in the shower, and by then it was four in the morning and Ichigo had eaten three bags of microwaved popcorn and wouldn't stop kissing him. Renji was extremely sore and couldn't lay on his stomach, but Ichigo was practically glowing, attentive and more cuddly than usual. Maybe a thorough bout of intimacy had been just what he'd needed to help his mood.

Renji lay against Ichigo's chest, ear flat against his skin, listening to the pleasant sounds of the ocean and the comforting heartbeat. He loved when Ichigo stroked through his hair and held his head like this. He admitted that he probably had 'daddy' issues or whatever the equivalent of being an abused orphan was, so he could easily see why he enjoyed it so much. Maybe it was messed up to seek that kind of parental attention and that feeling of safety from a lover, but Renji didn't care. Whenever Ichigo was willing to show him that tender display of comfort, Renji lapped it right up guiltlessly, some part of his soul being healed a little more each time.

They'd watched a bad romantic comedy and had brushed each other's hair for a while, and had tired each other out quite thoroughly, sometimes talking, sometimes just sharing in the silence and petting the other's skin. Renji lay awake for a while, leaving Ichigo's heavy arms where they had been draped as Ichigo had fallen asleep.

This past year had been horrible; he admitted it. Their normal fighting had warped into something serious and hurtful, and sometimes Renji could admit that he'd been crueler than was necessary a few times. Ichigo had become a mess or nerves and mean words, and it didn't take much for Renji to wonder whether Ichigo had been considering leaving him in the past few months. That was a scary thought. For a long time it hadn't even occurred to him that they might ever break up, but for the past year, that had been a constant brooding fear.

Renji knew that Ichigo loved him. He _knew_ that. He could see it in his eyes even when he was tired and angry and calling him horrible names. Even when Ichigo had walked out on him, Renji could see through all the pain and screaming that Ichigo loved him, so he'd held onto the hope that their relationship would survive because of that simple fact. But would his love always be enough?

Somewhere along the line of the past year, the responsibilities had started piling up and the tension had built as the stress mounted. The insults stopped being completely a joke, the glares stopped being an act of normalcy, the fighting started to hold a hint of truth, and it hurt, _g__od_, it hurt, but Renji wouldn't leave. He wouldn't even _think_ of leaving.

Sure, he missed it. He yearned for the days that they had been 'mortal enemies', hitting each other and cursing up a storm, each having that hot temper and the annoyance in their voice, but underneath it, there had been a deep genuine friendship. They enjoyed having that kind of relationship with healthy friction. None of that stuff was real. The bickering was something they loved. Whenever they'd actually had serious talks, they'd always been calm and honest. They'd been so in love, even though it was hard to see from the outside. Even those who knew them well sometimes doubted their relationship, and they understood that. They liked the way things were. Being rivals made everything that much more fun.

Renji swallowed, thinking of the first time Ichigo had left him. That had truly been the worst day of his life. It had only happened twice, but Renji had known that it had been a huge mistake, that it was something that could tear them apart.

He'd driven himself insane waiting and pacing their apartment, wondering where on earth Ichigo would go, whose arms he might fall into, what he would _do _in a fit of rage, what he might do in an attempt to hurt Renji worse than he'd hurt him.

When Ichigo had finally come home, Renji had been terrified. He'd been afraid to even talk to Ichigo, not wanting to ask what he'd done, who he might have… No, he couldn't stand even thinking about it. Even apologizing was out of the question, because he couldn't stand the thought of meeting Ichigo's eyes and seeing guilt reflecting back at him.

He'd given Ichigo his space and alone time, waiting for him to come talk to him first, and when he had, he'd gotten down on his knees and apologized for everything, explaining that no matter what he said, he _loved_ Ichigo, that Ichigo was his one and only and that if he left he wouldn't know what to do. Renji had meant it. He still did.

The second time it had happened, Renji had snapped. He'd gotten so fucking scared that the fear had become anger; he'd wanted to _hurt _Ichigo and make him see how badly it hurt him when he just left like that.

Ichigo had come back and Renji had shouted, he'd _provoked_ him, he'd exploded over a hickey on Ichigo's neck. Ichigo had shouted right back that _Renji _had left that on him, and the fight had progressed. Ichigo had hit, Renji had hit right back, and they'd beat the shit out of each other badly enough that Renji took them to the hospital. They'd left holding hands and everything had been fine afterwards, if you didn't count the stitches or broken bones. They hadn't even mentioned it after, having released all that stress and anger and hurt by taking it out on each other, forgiving each other completely the moment afterwards.

Renji was so glad that all this tension that had built up lately hadn't exploded like that again. He'd been so sure that Ichigo had reached a breaking point and was going to do something drastic. Renji didn't know if he could handle having to go through that again, having a fight that horrible. He was hoping that things had finally settled, that the energy wouldn't spike and would just drift back into calmer waters. He was hoping that Ichigo would give him those little looks of love again when they were alone, that he'd get his normal scowl and his old attitude back and start slapping him around like he had in high school. Ichigo would go back to the shouting he did when he was feeling good, not the tense mean lash-outs of a wounded animal.

They could be in easy love again, shouting and annoying their friends with their arguing and their constant fist fighting. They could go back to making stupid bets and having thumb-wars over freezer pops, they could wrestle before sex like they always had, they could roughhouse while doing the laundry, and they could begrudgingly get each other Christmas gifts and kiss on New Year's Eve. Everything would be fine.

Renji acknowledged that he might meet someone else sometime in the future, that he might 'straighten' out and try to find a nice lady and have a baby. He knew that Ichigo might do the same thing, not wanting to have to deal with the alternative 'lifestyle' that they were leading. He _knew_ that. He'd prepared for it. He knew that they probably wouldn't be together forever and that the love might fade, but... he didn't _want _it to.

He didn't want things to be over.

Renji didn't move, looking up as much as he could, reaching a hand up to pet Ichigo's hair. That dumbass. He hadn't combed it since the last time he'd been in the pool, and it was sticking up all over from where Renji had fisted his hands in it while they'd made love. Brushing it a while ago hadn't helped, and had only accomplished getting the brush stuck to his head. The dummy hadn't even tried to flatten it down when he'd answered the door half-naked to pay the pizza-delivery guy. That fucking dumbass.

Just thinking about losing this idiot him drove him nuts. Those two nights that he'd thought he was gone, Renji had drank himself sick, but no, Ichigo didn't know that. He'd kept it to himself, and that was fine. Renji didn't regret any of that pain, because things were going to be better now. He'd _make_ things be better. He'd put in the effort and show Ichigo that he still got those stupid tingly feelings that he'd felt when they were kids. Today had been a good start. He didn't want things to end just yet. No, they could be together just a little longer.

He didn't know if this was real storybook love. He didn't know if shouting and cussing at each other was what love was supposed to be, but it had gotten the butterflies going when they'd been young and just starting out together. Maybe it wasn't romantic, but Renji loved it. He only hoped that Ichigo felt the same way.

All he knew was that he couldn't live like _this_ anymore, constantly waiting for Ichigo to either blow up or leave. Things couldn't stay like this or get that bad again, and Renji knew it. He needed to be up front and bring his concerns to Ichigo's attention if they were going to stay together. He'd be firm but gentle, and explain that he wanted things to work out between them and that he was serious about their relationship. If they were going to survive all this shit that had happened in the past year, they needed to make a change. He'd ask Ichigo to get a house with him and start over fresh.

They'd get a _house. _They'd take that next step and really start living together. Holy shit, Renji was already excited about it. He was going to ask Ichigo to live with him.

Renji grinned, kissing Ichigo's chest, falling asleep on him. They would talk things out like normal people and everything would be fine. A breaking point could be a good thing, surely. Ichigo had finally gotten out of his funk and things would be better.

It didn't even occur to him that he might be wrong.


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey, Yumichika?" Ikkaku called, standing up and wiping sweat off his forehead. He'd long since grown tired of working on this apartment, even though he'd only moved in here a little over a month ago. Painting and then having to rewire all that shit had been _horrible_, and having Yumichika here was the perfect remedy, like soothing tea. That little shit was the perfect addition to his life, and Ikkaku never wanted to return to his past ignorance of being content in his solitude.

Yumichika always did little things, like folding his clothes and laying them out on the bed, or getting a new air freshener to get rid of the smell of the drywall, or bringing him ice cream in a cup with granola and brown sugar on top just because. Yes, Ikkaku was sick of working on everything, but he felt like keeping it up if he'd get those little rewards and the encouraging proud flash in Yumichika's eyes whenever Ikkaku said 'Look, I finished this, this, and this.' That smile? _That_ was real motivation.

Maybe that was his masculine energy talking, but he felt more motivated than ever to prove himself and to take care of Yumichika. Whatever he needed, Ikkaku wanted to provide, even if Yumichika could obviously fend for himself. He wanted to give Yumichika a home and that comfort that he so obviously yearned for and had lacked with Kaa. He'd keep going on his dumb apartment, if only for Yumichika's sake.

He'd expected to be tired and cranky by now, but he wasn't, because now he was doing something _fun._ He and Yumichika had gone to IKEA and had picked out furniture together and coordinated shit like _married_ people, and it had been strangely fun. Decorating his home had become something he had really enjoyed doing, especially since he'd gotten to imagine them sharing the furniture. He hadn't even cared about Yumichika obsessively matching colors and making him carry all the stuff he'd picked with them. He'd let Yumichika lead him around and had checked things off the list, letting him pick out whatever he thought might be a nice touch, because underneath it all, Ikkaku wanted Yumichika to like coming over, or even maybe staying.

Ikkaku was really starting to hope that this would be _their _home one day.

They'd had to haul the really big boxes together up the six flights of steps, but on the whole, they'd gotten everything into the apartment in about an hour. Building it was fine too, and had proceeded well, with Yumichika reading the directions and screwing things in while Ikkaku held the pieces together. Then had come laying out where everything would go, and Ikkaku had endlessly complained when he kept having to move everything, but of course, they were just empty words.

He really didn't care when Yumichika kept making him rearrange things and push the couch around the living room so he could see how it looked, even though he cussed up a storm. Truth be told, he liked it just a little when Yumichika bossed him around. More than ever, Ikkaku loved that the bratty passion had returned to Yumichika's eyes. Maybe Yumichika was finally starting to let go of Kaa and was taking him in instead. The idea was so exciting that he couldn't keep a grin off his face. Yumichika's heart was really _his_.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"Sorry, what?" came an answer from the bedroom.

"Can ya' bring me a drink or something? It's really muggy in here."

"Okay, just one minute." Ikkaku nodded even though Yumichika obviously couldn't see him doing so, and he put his headphones back on and went through the directions for a bookcase with nice black wood. They'd gotten all of their furniture brought in, and a few things were still in boxes, waiting to be assembled, but he could honestly say that the house was really coming together. It almost looked as nice as Yumichika's apartment, which was really saying something.

It was more than one minute, as Yumichika had said, but Ikkaku could already feel a cooling breeze, and when he looked around, he saw that Yumichika had opened some windows and brought a fan into the room with him.

Ikkaku felt bad when he saw Yumichika's messed-up hair. The poor guy had been fretting nearly all week about his audition last Tuesday. He hadn't received a call back and had been nervously looking for a backup plan, searching through crappy job listings and constantly pulling on his hair. Yumichika wouldn't let him see, but whenever he thought he wasn't looking, Ikkaku could catch him peeling and biting his nails.

Yumichika brought him a cup of water and said that he was going to start dinner. Ikkaku didn't turn around, but he was grinning his ass off. Ikkaku was used to being by himself, and sometimes it felt weird to always be wondering about what Yumichika was doing or whether he was bored or having fun, but he was getting used to the little things like sharing his fridge-space and bed-space. Sharing the couch-space was the most difficult, because Ikkaku was used to laying on the couch instead of sitting, but he made do by putting his feet on the new coffee table rather than the opposite armrest.

He sure hoped that Yumichika stayed, because he was liking this 'home-life'. He'd started to look forward to coming home after work. Other than that, he'd noticed himself talking out loud sometimes instead of just keeping his thoughts private like normal. It was nice to have someone there. He didn't feel like he had to meditate anymore, feeling like spending time with Yumichika instead, even if they were just watching TV or sorting mail.

By the time Yumichika had finished making some pasta, Ikkaku had set up the bookcase and had moved it where directed. He beamed when Yumichika said that it looked good and complimented him on how quickly he'd gotten that done. It was more like a complex of cubicles, so really, they could put anything in there, like DVDs or vases or shoes. It wasn't like Ikkaku really had that many books, other than those on metal-care and soldering. Haruki hopped up into one of the boxes on the third shelf, hissing at Ikkaku when he tried to get her down. "Pssh." He waved a hand at her.

Even though they'd picked out a table and chairs, they were still used to eating on the floor, so they sat in front of the couch and coffee table, facing the TV, which had finally been moved back into the front room now that the walls had dried. They'd gotten a nice stand for it that would hold a VCR and a DVD player, along with Yumichika's plug-in TV games, but they hadn't put that together yet, so the TV was on top of some cinder blocks, which Yumichika had insisted had to be clean before they could be put on the vanilla-colored carpet. Ikkaku hadn't done it, of course, just putting some newspaper down before bringing the bricks in the house.

Yumichika folded his legs, socked-feet tucked nicely beneath him, plate in his lap. As soon as Ikkaku lay down on his side next to him, Yumichika snapped his fingers, getting up and going back to the kitchen. He brought Ikkaku a beer and had a glass of red wine for himself, which he set a safe distance away from him on the carpet, not wanting to accidentally kick it over. It probably would have made more sense to put that and their plates on the coffee table, but they didn't want to. Jeopardy was on, and Yumichika had this annoying habit of predicting who would win. He kept saying that the prettiest girl was obviously also the smartest contestant. Ikkaku just listened on, trying some of what Yumichika had made, finding that it tasted pretty good.

"Mm, I like this."

"Thank you. I got some dishware today," Yumichika said lightly, eating some salad. Ikkaku was now shoveling pasta into his mouth, wondering what he should try to cook for Yumichika. Having a boyfriend was so awesome. He seriously didn't see any downside. Why hadn't he wanted to date before? Who knows. It was probably just him being stupid again.

"Oh yeah?" Yumichika didn't seem to like the way he ate, but he wasn't saying anything, so he assumed it was mostly fine. He at least made an effort not to talk while he was chewing. Ikkaku looked back to the TV. The pretty smart girl had just beaten a double jeopardy and was currently winning. It seemed like Yumichika had been right.

"Yes, they're actually from the dollar store, but they look quite nice," Yumichika said with a sigh. "I'll get you some nicer ones if…" He trailed off with another sigh, seeming disappointed and tense. Suddenly Ikkaku realized that this was no longer about what they'd just been speaking of, and he turned the volume down a little, looking up at his boyfriend's face, propping himself up on both elbows. Yumichika was sinking back into his worry that he wouldn't get a call-back. He'd just wanted to buy him some nicer plates if he got the job and had some extra income, but that had dragged him back into his emotional morass.

"Ya' still worried about that thing?" Ikkaku asked, not wanting to prod Yumichika's wounds if he didn't want to talk about it.

"Yes," Yumichika fretted, wringing his hands, taking his phone out and setting it on the carpet. "I'm sick of staring at this stupid thing." He pouted a little, stabbing a cucumber more viciously than necessary. Ikkaku knew how he felt. He had used to feel restless a lot when he was younger, especially whenever he'd been around Kenpachi, but of course, he wasn't going to bring that up. Haruki hopped down from the shelf and meowed, pawing at Ikkaku's plate. He stuck out a finger to her, trying to touch her paw, but she withdrew immediately. Then he tried to give her a piece of chicken, which she sniffed at, but denied, probably because it was from him. Ikkaku shrugged and stuck it in his mouth. Yumichika frowned and made a miserable noise. Ikkaku looked up in concern, adjusting himself on his side, propping his head up on his hand.

"Aw, don't be sad, okay? Even if this doesn't work out, it doesn't mean your dreams are stupid. You'll just have to keep trying."

"You're right," Yumichika said, gathering confidence, finally starting to eat normally, taking a sip of his wine. Ikkaku grinned, moving closer to him, tickling his back a little with his foot. "Oh shoo," Yumichika said snootily, poking him with his fork. Ikkaku gave a laugh, and as Yumichika went back to eating, he found that he couldn't stand the idea that he might not be able to eat dinner with Yumichika for every night after this. His smile faded quickly and he stopped Yumichika when he tried to turn the volume back up.

"So, I was, uh…" Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck even though he wasn't itchy. He wanted to broach the subject of their living arrangements, but wasn't sure how. What if Yumichika said no? Would he leave tomorrow? Maybe he should just stay quiet and hope that Yumichika would forget.

"Oh my god," Yumichika said lowly, staring at his phone, which had started vibrating. Ikkaku's heart began pounding as Yumichika stood up and went a little ways away into the kitchen. Ikkaku did his best not to eavesdrop, but he couldn't tell much from what he heard. Yumichika's answers and his facial expression revealed nothing.

After about five minutes, he heard Yumichika hang up and release a slow breath. Ikkaku's heart sunk. He hoped Yumichika wouldn't get depressed over this. He wouldn't be able to bear it if Yumichika sunk back into the hopeless state.

"Ack!" Ikkaku shouted as Yumichika tackled him and pinned him to the floor on his back. "What the fu-Mm!" Yumichika was gripping his face hard in both hands and holy shit, Yumichika was _kissing_ him.

"Mwah," Yumichika said with a grin, backing off and standing up, dancing in a little circle. "They want me! They narrowed it down to three people, and I'm still a possibility, isn't that great?" Ikkaku just lay on his back, staring dead above him at the ceiling, slightly dazed. "Ikkaku?"

"Huh?" he said, head swimming.

"Isn't that great?" Yumichika repeated, nudging him with his foot as if he were a dead animal.

"What?" Ikkaku looked at him then, shaking himself a little, resisting the urge to touch his own mouth. Holy crap, Yumichika really had his heart in his fist, didn't he. He was doomed, that was it; Ikkaku was a complete goner. "Oh yeah, that's awesome, babe," he said with a lazy grin, still laying there in bliss. Yumichika hummed cheerily, eating some more as Ikkaku sat up and came back over to him.

"We should celebrate," Yumichika said, getting up and walking to the kitchen doorway. Ikkaku took a sip of beer, still reeling from that kiss. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad for Yumichika's dreams to pan out. He might not leave. He might just kiss him some more each he succeeded, and that was the opposite of a bad thing. Ikkaku grinned, taking another gulp of beer. "Let's get naked."

"Pfft!" Ikkaku spat out his beer, face going red as he whipped around to look at Yumichika, who was grinning as plain as day, obviously enjoying his embarrassment. "_What?"_

Yumichika swiftly opened the fridge and showed him a drink carton, and what was on the label? '_Naked.'_

"Oh, you jerk," Ikkaku said with a laugh, knowing that Yumichika had purposefully done that to mess with him. Yumichika shook the bottle, pouring out some of it for both of them. Ikkaku picked up their plates from the floor and brought them to the counter, slinging an arm around Yumichika's shoulder, giving him a noogie for congratulations.

He was happy for Yumichika, really he was, even if he was a little apprehensive now, wondering if Yumichika was going to leave. Ikkaku knew that he should ask _now _before Yumichika's future was secured, and maybe he could trap him here, but no, that would be a shitty thing to do. It wouldn't really be _so_ bad if Yumichika moved away, right? They could still talk on the phone and visit each other; Ikkaku could still take him on lots of dates, right? Somehow, there was still that little seed of fear starting to grow, and Ikkaku felt like coming up with some dumb excuses so that Yumichika might stay, even if it meant resorting to _lying_.

Maybe this was why people got so crazy over money. When someone possesses a treasure, they immediately begin to fear what could take it away. He didn't _want_ Yumichika to leave, but it wasn't as if he wanted Yumichika's dreams to fail either. No, that would be hypocritical. He'd been enjoying Yumichika's smiles every time he'd gotten part of the house done and had let it bolster his pride earlier, and now Ikkaku had to do the same thing: be proud of Yumichika's accomplishments to encourage him.

He had to support him or he'd just be a bad person with a black heart.

Yumichika seemed very excited, chattering to him about what they'd said and when he was heading in for the next audition, and Ikkaku listened with a grin, snuggling with him on the sofa. No, he wouldn't stifle Yumichika. He loved seeing the light in his eyes too much to even think about it.

The more Yumichika talked about his plans, the more Ikkaku noticed that he kept saying '_we'_. The doubt in his heart began to lift as it dawned on him that Yumichika was including him in his future plans and his _dreams._ Yumichika wasn't leaving him behind to pursue this; Yumichika wanted him there to see him succeed. They could both be proud of each other and be the stupid cocky shits that they were. It made sense that the universe had brought them together. Ikkaku grinned, deciding that he would ask Yumichika to stay after all.

The moment he opened his mouth to do so however, his own phone rang.

"Hello?" Yumichika sat there next to him, still smiling cheerily, but as he watched Ikkaku's expression fall, the mood darkened, and all the hope was sucked out of the room. "I… I see… Okay… Yes… Thank you… Yes, goodbye."

Yumichika watched Ikkaku flop back on the couch, hand over his face in silence for a few moments. "What… What's the matter?" Yumichika asked with trepidation. Ikkaku looked at him, heart heavy and cold. No… There was no way he could ask Yumichika to stay here now. He'd just tie him down and ruin his chance to get away and pursue his dreams. Hell, he couldn't even pursue his _own _dreams anymore.

"I… I think I…" Ikkaku got up from the couch, putting on his coat solemnly. Yumichika looked alarmed and sympathetic, not understanding what had happened or why he was leaving. "I need to go take a walk," Ikkaku said lowly. He had to do some serious thinking and reevaluate his priorities.

"Ikkaku, what happened?" Yumichika asked, walking up to him. Ikkaku turned away.

"Zaraki got himself into some trouble, and… well, the point is Yachiru's being signed over to me."

Yumichika gasped softly, bringing a hand to his mouth. "Oh," he said, eyebrows tugging down. "Are you… Are you going to be okay?" Yumichika was tight with nervous tension once again, and Ikkaku could see on his face that he was thinking about leaving, perhaps not wanting to barge in on him if he was going to be taking care of a child now.

"I… Just… I'll be back later. There's something I've gotta' do." Ikkaku went into the back room and unboxed his katana, swiftly leaving the house. Yumichika sat down heavily on the couch, staring at the closed door, the atmosphere having gone cold.

He'd known that it was safe for him to move back home. Kaa had sworn to leave him alone for a while, and he had, and Yumichika knew that he could go back home… but he hadn't _wanted_ to, not just yet. He had been thinking about what his new career opportunity would bring: enough money that he could take all the furniture he'd saved and move to a nicer apartment, maybe ask Ikkaku to stay… but now…

No, he couldn't interfere. Everything had changed.

Yumichika sighed, getting up and changing into his pajamas. It was just past eight, and he assumed that Ikkaku was out to spend one of his last nights as a free man. That might entail barhopping, brothels, street-fights… or something much darker that had to do with that sword. Yumichika had never asked about it, but now he wondered. He hoped Ikkaku would keep his head and not do something rash that could make their situation worse.

Yumichika got into his floor-bed, snuggling Haruki, suddenly feeling a horrible urge in his chest to _weep. _When Ikkaku came back, Yumichika would tell him that he was going home in the morning. That was the right thing to do. He had to let Ikkaku focus on the change he'd have to make for that baby girl. He wondered if it would be selfish if he still asked to see Ikkaku when he had other engagements due to the child. Of course, Yumichika didn't put blame on the little girl; none of this was her fault, but all the same, this made for quite a sticky situation.

Nothing would be the same, would it? Any plans that they had would now have to change to make accommodations for a baby, and as far as Yumichika could see, it would be far easier if Ikkaku could simply focus on her and not worry about him anymore. Yumichika was a grown man and he should be taking care of himself, not looking to Ikkaku for reassurance, right? It was _good _that this had happened now before he could really get attached to Ikkaku for the long term. It was good that this had happened so early on before they had made a serious commitment that would have to be broken. This was all for the best, for him to leave, but why did it hurt so badly?

More than ever, his heart felt lost. He'd thought that he'd finally found a place in life now that he had a man that did everything that Kaa never had, but… what was going to happen now?

* * *

Meanwhile, Ikkaku was walking down the street, the light just barely beginning to dim. Those long summer days were nearly at their peak. His sword was concealed down one leg of his jeans and he was hurrying to the riverside, not meeting anyone along the way. There was a gazebo and a park there, and no one was ever around. Walking took him almost an hour, and by then, he hadn't thought of any sort of solution. He just didn't know what to do.

It wasn't as if he could get out of this. Seeing that he was unfit to take care of her now, Kenpachi's wish had been to sign Yachiru over to him so that she wouldn't become a ward of the state. If she had, they never would've seen each other again. Now Zaraki was going away to get some money for her future and Ikkaku was left with the bag… Well, it wasn't the kid's fault. It wasn't like he could take his anger out on her, but still, part of him was upset that he'd have to concern himself with a baby. He'd have to put everything on hold to take care of her. He wasn't ready to give up his freedom or his career, but he didn't have a choice.

His dreams were all for naught. All that time he'd spent slaving over his katana and his weights to come closer to his goals had all been for nothing. He'd never get his chance to make a name for himself more than he already had, he'd never get to proceed further than this, and he'd never have an excuse to do irresponsible things for the sake of his dream ever again. He had to be a big brother or a _parent,_ for lack of a better word, and he couldn't be out doing anything that wasn't to Yachiru's benefit. Part of him didn't want to put Hozukimaru to rest just yet, but he didn't know if he'd be able to hold in the lie when he faced Yumichika again.

Ikkaku gave a sigh and flopped down in the grass, staring out at the water. It was at the tail end of dusk by now, but that was what he wanted: darkness. He could see a few rare fireflies in the distance, but all he did was cross his legs and close his eyes, running the blade through his hands. He hadn't meditated in ages, and Hozukimaru craved blood.

He had already decided months before he'd met Yumichika that his life was going to be normal, so he'd gotten several different jobs, packing boxes into semis, giving kendo lessons at a nearby dojo, and a few other odd jobs that involved manual labor, putting his dream on hold for the time being so that he could reform. He'd been pleased with his decision when Yumichika had walked into his life, and had assumed that he'd subconsciously prepared for what the universe was bringing; he'd started a lawful and normal life. It was time for him to settle down and make room in his heart for another person, and he'd been okay with that, but now that there was this matter with Yachiru… It was no longer his _choice_ to put his dreams on the backburner. It wasn't just his dreams of becoming a master swordsman either; it was _Yumichika_. Yumichika could no longer be his priority because of this baby.

Hozukimaru seemed to sing, absorbing all his tense energy. Ikkaku pressed his thumb against the sharp edge of the blade, not hard enough to cut, but enough to hold it still. It felt as though it were vibrating like a tuning fork, and he squeezed it, hoping to quench the lust he felt for that addictive tension release that came with... No, he didn't need a fight right now; he needed to calm his energy and focus only on his breath, so he could escape to that special place inside him where all the answers of life lay.

He really needed some guidance about now. He was going to be a father.

* * *

Renji steeled himself. He'd never had a good opening to bring up what he'd been thinking about. The past week had been pretty okay. Stress had started to compile on Ichigo again, but he was handling it a lot better now that Renji had gotten him to relax last Monday. It almost seemed like it was the _normal_ stress that Ichigo had naturally carried before, but still, Renji had a feeling that things weren't over. The calm almost made Renji want to change his mind and let things go on as they were… but there was still that niggling doubt that made him think that he shouldn't let this slide.

He should just come out and _say_ it, shouldn't he? They needed to have this talk, even if things were going back to normal. It would be a tough discussion. Renji anticipated that Ichigo might be hurt when he voiced his concerns; he expected that Ichigo might be offended or even feel attacked, but Renji would be honest and respectful about it, and then he'd end with asking Ichigo to get a house with him. It would be the perfect way to lift the mood. It wasn't as if Ichigo would say no, right? Of course, there was the problem with money, but Renji had been offered a paid internship that would help him through the rest of his schooling, and that would help considerably. All of that put together – their talk, his new job, and the end of that stressful semester – would bring them back to the golden glow of their youth.

Still, Renji felt pretty nervous, although he couldn't see why. Ichigo wasn't likely to snap at him now that he'd gotten a lid on things.

Gathering his resolve, Renji wandered out into the kitchen, looking for Ichigo, who had been balancing their checkbook and talking with Inoue on the phone. When Renji's eyes fell on his lover, his gut clenched in anticipation. This was that fabled 'moment of truth'. His stomach promptly dropped with he heard Ichigo's sigh.

He was just hanging up the phone, shoulders tense, and then Renji watched silently as he bent forward where he was sitting at the table and fisted his hands in his hair. If he didn't know better, he'd say that Ichigo looked upset and overwhelmed enough that it was bordering on emotional distress. Ichigo obviously hadn't noticed him enter the room, or he wouldn't have shown such a strong reaction. Renji's brows crinkled in sympathy. What was the matter?

It probably hadn't been Inoue to make him this upset, so who had he been talking to then? Renji had gotten a call earlier from their elderly landlady about some vandals lurking around the building, and he'd gone to scare them off, and in the process, he'd noticed that Ichigo's car wasn't in its normal place, where it had sat for almost a year with a boot on it. It was just plain gone. Shoot, maybe Ichigo had gotten some bad news about it? Ichigo _loved_ that car.

Renji cringed. Maybe now wasn't the best time to bring up the problems he was seeing between them, but he couldn't keep putting it off, could he? He'd already stalled for a week, and he was worried that things were just going to go back to how they'd been. Ichigo was getting that tense sharp edge to his voice again and his brow was constantly tight with frustration, although it wasn't nearly as bad as before. Well, there was no time like the present.

Renji walked up behind Ichigo and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to push as much comfort and empathy into it as he could. Ichigo didn't respond, breathing slowing down a little bit. Renji was glad that Ichigo hadn't lashed out at him at least, and sat down opposite him. "Ichigo?"

Ichigo didn't move, eyes on the tabletop, red and weary. His arms were still up and gripping both sides of his head, elbows on the table, body hunched over. His face was angled down, so maybe he thought Renji couldn't see how upset he was, but all the same, Ichigo didn't move. Renji almost wondered if he'd even heard him, but Ichigo answered after another second and a half. "Yeah?"

His voice crackled a little, tight and ready to break. Renji swallowed. Something had happened. Maybe his car had gotten towed, maybe his paycheck had gotten lost in the mail, or maybe he was stressing over the report card that hadn't yet come. Was it just too much for him to handle right now? Was he just feeling wiped out?

No. Something had _definitely _happened. He could see it in the nervous flickering of Ichigo's eyes, the furious twitch of his lip and those tight fists. Ichigo was just fed up and angry at the world, perhaps irritated at his own inability to keep it all in his control. Renji really felt for the poor guy. He knew that Ichigo wanted to take care of them and that he tried so hard, but lately he'd just been a _wreck_ and Renji had only refrained from saying it to keep from hurting Ichigo's pride. He just wished that Ichigo wouldn't try to take all of this on by himself, but he got why he did. They were alike in their stubbornness and their need to do things themselves.

"I… Are you…" Renji was starting to doubt himself, but still forged ahead, seeing that the moisture was fading from Ichigo's eyes as he blinked it away before it could turn into real tears. What replaced them was rapidly growing irritation and anger. Ichigo was a lidded boiling pot of water and he needed to let the steam out, probably burning whoever was nearest to him in the process, even if they'd been the one to turn the burner off. It was clear that the reason Ichigo had let off steam so easily on their vacation was because he'd been removed from the source of stress, like a pot being placed on the cold back-burner.

The point was that Renji needed to tread carefully or Ichigo was going to lash out. Renji suddenly realized that for all this time, Ichigo had needed an outlet, something to hit, something to scream into. He hadn't let out that tension in so long, and he was going to explode soon. All Renji had done by calming him down earlier was to delay the detonation for a while.

Ichigo gave a shaky sigh and exhaled slowly, trying to deal with his anger, just laying his torso down on top of the table, face first. Renji gently took his hands and rubbed them with his thumbs, and Ichigo immediately relaxed and rolled his head to the side a little, eyebrows pushing together in frustration. Renji was glad that Ichigo hadn't struck out at him for daring to touch him while he was upset, so he cautiously pet his hair too, seeing that it was helping him calm down a little. He'd been so sure that Ichigo was going to clobber him, so it was nice to see him accepting the comfort.

"You know I love you, right?" Renji asked tentatively, hoping Ichigo would keep that in mind while they talked this through. Ichigo sniffed, sitting up and nodding, not making eye contact. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, but Renji didn't let that deter him. "Well, we have to talk about somethin' serious."

Ichigo's eyes finally went up to him and Renji could see that he needed to vent, to let some of the steam escape the pot. "You wanna' talk serious?" Ichigo's voice told him of a coming storm, and Renji braced himself, growing defensive. "I can't believe I _listened_ to you!" Ichigo threw his hands in the air, shaking his head. Renji didn't know what he was being blamed for yet, and listened, raising an eyebrow. "You're so damn irresponsible. We needed that money for something else!"

Renji didn't know how things had gotten off track so quickly, but he couldn't keep his reply to himself, braving the insults admirably. "No, we didn't," he said calmly, trying to reign Ichigo back in, somehow still getting pulled off topic. "We needed a vacation. I thought we talked about this."

"Yeah, we talked about it!" Ichigo got up and ran frustrated hands through his hair, walking in a circle. "And what did I say, I told you that we were gonna' regret it if something came up. I swear you're out of your fucking mind sometimes. We're barely getting by! The dumbest fucking thing we could've done was to blow all our money slacking off." That was going a bit too far, sparking some anger inside of Renji. He tried to keep in mind that Ichigo didn't know about his new job opportunity and that everything was going to be fine. Little did he know that Ichigo's car really had been stolen and that had been the straw breaking the camel's back.

"Why would you ever think that was a good idea? You're so _stupid!" _Ichigo shouted, causing Renji to grit his teeth and clench his fists. That wasn't fair. They'd talked this out months ago and had _agreed_ that they could handle this. Even if there really was some unforeseen expense that was presumably the thing that was bugging Ichigo so bad, Renji could pay for it later with his new job, but of course, Ichigo didn't know that.

"Rude," Renji said bluntly, still trying to keep his temper in check, because if he didn't, Ichigo would just get more out of control. "Quit badmouthing me, already. Can't you just listen to me, you jackass?" he said angrily, voice rising, and boy, that was a mistake, because Ichigo was going to just shout right back.

Renji shook his head and grabbed Ichigo's upper arms, refusing to let go even though Ichigo was trying to shove him away. Renji growled in frustration, putting on that tone that told Ichigo that he was desperate for him to listen. "I'm trying to talk to you, this is _serious._ Our relationship can't stay like this anymore," he said in exasperation, heart already breaking because he knew that this wasn't going the way he'd planned.

Ichigo had that manic glint in his eye that told him he was really distressed and _pissed_ and that Renji had just crossed the line. This had probably been the last thing he'd needed; he already felt like everything was crashing in around him and now his sole source of support was telling him he was no longer happy.

Ichigo's gut clenched up, a tight ball of furious energy, and when Renji went to keep speaking, telling him everything that had been going wrong, Ichigo knew, oh he _knew_ that this was Renji's attempt at breaking up with him. Renji had finally reached the breaking point and was telling him that their relationship couldn't stay like _this_ anymore, meaning that he'd had enough of this shit and was ending it. Renji was seriously breaking up with him, _today_. Why today? He'd been trying so hard, couldn't Renji see that?

"You're not-" Ichigo tried to cut him off, some fire rising up through his chest, ready to be spat so he could hurt Renji before he hurt him. Renji was about to break his heart, and Ichigo was gonna' kill him before he'd get the chance, the bastard. "You listen good-"

Renji cut him off, waving a hand to shut him up. "No, _you_ listen_," _Renji shouted, pointing in his face. Ichigo growled and slapped his hand out of his personal space, shoving him hard. Renji was just inches away from kicking the shit out of Ichigo, the little brat. "You're always in charge and bossing me around, Ichigo. I can't _take_ it, okay? Would you fucking listen to me for just one second?"

Ichigo blinked, face softening up for a moment in hurt, before he scowled sourly, bitterness taking over. He could hear in Renji's voice that he didn't think he was strong enough. Renji thought he couldn't handle it, that he was weak.

Renji was raving then, knotting his hands in his hair and shouting to try to get out some of this hurt. "You're so wound up all the time, it's like you think everything that comes out of my mouth is complete garbage!"

"Maybe I do." Ichigo said the words, knowing how mean they were, and he could see how much they hurt Renji, but he didn't care. If Renji was going to leave him, then he should just go already. If Renji was going to toss him out, Ichigo was going to get him back. He wasn't going to be the one left and lonely. No, he wouldn't break… he _wouldn't._

Renji scowled back, turning away, growling, just as Ichigo had known he would. "Just like that. Right there. It's like you hate me," Renji went on, glaring at him, trying to grab him. Ichigo hit him in the chest, shoving him. Renji finally retaliated and pushed him right back, so hard that he almost fell.

"You get so fucking sour that you can't even function right! You look at me and parta' you wants ta' kill me…" Renji's chest shuddered with rage, eyes growing dark, and then Ichigo saw his face break, anger leaving to reveal sadness.

No, Renji was trying to break up with him but be _nice_ about it. He was pitying him. He felt _bad_ for him. Ichigo snarled.

Renji tried to take his hands, pleading with him, and for a moment Ichigo felt like apologizing. "You've gotta' listen to me _sometimes. _You can't _live_ like this," Renji said, anger gone from his voice, leaving behind only desperation. "You're gonna' start losing your hair. You're wasting away," he said helplessly, running a hand over the back of Ichigo's neck, trying to make him look at him. Ichigo didn't meet his eyes, moving his face away bitterly, because he couldn't bear to think that Renji was right. "You can hardly take care of yourself anymore. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, okay? Don't you get that I'm saying these things because I care about you?"

Ichigo hissed at him, feeling like he'd just been kicked while he was down. Renji was _doubting_ his strength. He was _pitying_ him. Oh, he'd _kill_ him.

Renji was speaking to him in that gentle voice, but all Ichigo felt when he looked at him was pure hatred. "You need to relax sometimes, Ichigo… Worrying about money and our safety all the time, trying to take care of everything all by yourself… It's… it's okay to need help," Renji said softly, running a hand over Ichigo's cheek. Ichigo had calmed down a bit now and was looking back into his eyes, listening, heart twisting horribly, pride stinging like a knife was slicing through it.

"You need to learn to let things go… We'll get by without that money, I promise. Just let it go," Renji repeated, trying to calm them down from their fight, beckoning him into an embrace. Ichigo didn't hug back, letting Renji hold him and pet his hair for a moment. He didn't move, mouth pressing into Renji's shoulder for a moment before they broke away. "You have to let go or it's gonna' go by itself… you have to let go," Renji said softly, leaning down an inch to meet his eyes with his own, which were still shining with pity and sympathy.

And at that moment, all Ichigo heard him saying was 'let _me_ go.'

"You know what?" Ichigo said calmly.

"What?" Renji asked with a little smile, thinking that Ichigo had finally heard him.

"Go fuck yourself," Ichigo said, glaring into Renji's eyes bitterly. Renji's face fell, quickly morphing back into one of exasperation and irritation.

"What did I just _say-"_

Ichigo lashed out then, punching him in the face without holding back even a mite. "Just _fuck off_ so you don't have to listen to me anymore if you're so much better on your own! _Fuck off!_" Renji doubled over, touching his upper cheek, blood on his fingers. He looked up at Ichigo darkly, teeth gritted, fists balling up, ready to hit him back, ready to make him pay for that.

Ichigo welcomed it, wanting Renji to start something so he could feel no guilt when they started beating each other up. Renji didn't hit back. He just stood there looking at him in disbelief, sparking just a candle's flame of guilt within the bonfire of Ichigo's rage. "Just _leave!"_ Ichigo shouted, shoving Renji some more. Renji still did nothing.

"Fine, fine, I'm going," Renji said darkly, and Ichigo's face fell. To his utter surprise, Renji hadn't taken the bait and had actually backed down. The guilt was starting to grow, but the anger still was drowning it out. "I'll be at the bar." Renji passed by him and opened the door, looking back at him with a glare. This wasn't what Ichigo had expected by way of a reaction, but that didn't douse his anger just yet.

"I don't _care_ where you'll be! Just go there and _stay_ there!" Ichigo yelled, not even turning to look at him, not wanting him to have the satisfaction. He braced himself for an angry retort, but all that met his ears was empty air. A moment later, his breath left him, because he heard the door shut.

He turned around and saw what he'd dreaded: an empty room and a closed door. For a moment he couldn't even breathe, fear starting to compile and multiply, giving him the sudden urge to yank the door back open and go get Renji before he left and did something awful, something that would tear them apart forever.

But no, that couldn't be, because what Ichigo had said had already done just that.

When he thought back on his rash angry words, Ichigo's throat tightened up, and all of a sudden, all of the fury built up inside him and started to come out of his eyes. Renji had really left. He'd gone too far and Renji had really walked out on him. He'd driven him away.

Ichigo sat down at the table, stunned as he covered his mouth with a shaking hand. After a few silent seconds, Ichigo's face screwed up and he started to weep bitterly, looking at the empty place across from him.

* * *

Ikkaku sighed, hands in his pockets as he walked the dark streets at night. It was probably past midnight now, and a pleasant chill was blowing through his clothes. The sunset was lighting up the sky a nice orangish color.

It wasn't any easier than before, but he knew that he couldn't be a hypocrite now. He wouldn't be like Kaa and selfishly try to trap Yumichika with him. Ikkaku was having a kid, and he wouldn't tie Yumichika down to that, even if it hurt to see him leave. He wasn't any closer to an answer, but he had resigned himself to what he would do for now.

He'd let Yumichika go.

He let out a slow breath, and even though he hadn't done it yet, it already hurt so bad. It was a melancholic bittersweet feeling that stabbed him over and over as he imagined that life he'd dreamed of them having not so long ago. All his plans had changed in a split second when he'd heard of his new responsibility. Sure, it wasn't to go into immediate effect, but sooner or later, Ikkaku would have to take Yachiru and then that would be the end of his relationship with Yumichika.

He just hoped Yumichika would follow his dream and _live_. He really wanted all the best for him.

Ikkaku swallowed hard, rounding a corner and passing the deli that they'd gone to on their second date. The windows were dark, but Ikkaku could still practically see them in there like it was yesterday. It seemed that so much had changed in such a short time. Maybe this was why people said having a heart was so terrible. He sighed, hearing a distant humming noise that seemed to be vibrating through the ground.

For some reason, that golden sunset was growing nearer, just visible over the tops of the buildings as he passed by. Now that he thought about it, the sun had already gone down a few hours ago. As he rounded the final corner, facing his apartment building a few blocks away, his breath left him all at once. His heart stopped dead and he almost fell to his knees.

The twenty-story building was alit with a hellish sort of light, clouds billowing above it like some horrible thunderstorm. The fire escape was cold and empty, but the air around the sides of the building was waving from the intense heat.

His whole apartment complex had caught fire.


	20. Chapter 20

Ichigo paced back and forth, heart twisting with worry. He'd already thrown a mega-tantrum and wrecked the living room, and now he was fixing it up, trying to talk sense to himself.

Renji would come back. Renji _loved_ him. Ichigo was secure in that knowledge and had never doubted it, but now there was this horrible little voice in the back of his mind saying '_but what if?'_ because Renji had never walked out on him before. This _was_ serious. The seed had been planted and there was nothing he could do now. He'd ruined everything. He'd been wrong to blindly trust that Renji would always put up with him no matter what he did. Everyone has a limit, and Renji had clearly reached his.

Renji had actually left the house after a fight, and now there was nothing stopping him from getting drunk, finding the nearest available person, and having some gratifying 'I'm-pissed-at-my-ex' sex. It wasn't as if it would be hard for Renji to find someone else. What if he started questioning their whole relationship? What if he _moved out?_

Ichigo put the couch cushions back in order and flipped the TV back over, sniffling to himself as he picked up a framed picture of the two of them. The glass was cracked, so Ichigo took it to the garbage and shook out all the broken pieces, taping the picture to the inside of the frame. He laid it face down on the coffee table, not wanting to look at it right now, but equally unwilling to rip it up or throw it away.

The worry was driving him mad. Renji had said he'd been going to the bar, and there were _people_ there. He'd probably driven Renji right into someone else's arms. That was it. It was over, wasn't it? Renji had gone and was probably going to do something awful that neither of them would be able to fix tomorrow. They were really splitting up, weren't they. Oh, this hurt so bad.

Ichigo had calmed down from his screaming fit, but his lip was still wobbling as he moped around. He'd gotten to the point where he'd nearly broken a window in his anger, and that had been when the tears came, all the fury and despair that had built up over the past year just pouring out along with this horrible pain. All he could do now was lie on the couch, sick with the knowledge that Renji could be cheating on him right now.

But could he really blame the guy?

Ichigo wanted to stay mad. He _tried_ to, because if he stayed angry, he wouldn't feel guilty and he wouldn't have to take the blame. He didn't want to be the one at fault, but he knew he was, so all he could do was lay there and stare at the ceiling. Renji had struggled through months of him being so horrible and now Ichigo had finally pushed him over the edge. He shouldn't have blown up like that. He was supposed to be able to handle this stuff, but he'd let it all get out of control, and now look at what his incompetence had wrought.

Their arguing had morphed slowly over the past year, changing from that of their familiar insults and shoving into something bitter and mean, and Ichigo had usually been the instigator. There was no loophole for him to utilize, and even though his mind kept desperately searching for one, his heart told him the cold hard truth: He was at fault, and the only thing he could do now would be to admit his wrong and try to apologize.

They'd fought, Ichigo had lashed out, and that was the end of things. Renji had straight up _left, _and he hadn't even taken his phone with him; Ichigo had found this out when he'd tried to call him to tell him to come back home. No, there was no going back. It was much too late for take-backs, and all he could do was wait here alone and fret.

The way he saw it, there were four possibilities: Renji would come back sober and try to apologize first, he would come back drunk and with lipstick marks on his neck, or he would come back with a buzz, get a suitcase, and pack up his stuff. The last possibility was that Renji wouldn't come back at all.

Ichigo punched the couch cushion, screaming, a sob fighting its way out of his throat. Fuck, he'd never thought that Renji would actually _go_. He wished he hadn't said any of those horrible things. It hadn't been Renji's fault about his car or his crazy work schedule or the stress of medical school, but all of the tension had been taken out on him just the same. Ichigo sorely wished he hadn't snapped like that.

If only he could explain why he'd gotten so upset, why everything was so hard lately. If only he could apologize and take back all of that shit he'd said. He'd only meant it at the time out of anger, surely Renji could understand that? If only he could say how sorry he was and erase everything he'd said, if only he could change those words into something nicer that would heal Renji's heart, then maybe things wouldn't seem so bleak.

Ichigo knew that he'd hurt Renji too badly for a simple 'sorry' to fix things this time. Renji had been screwed up as a child, and being genuinely hurt by the one closest to him had surely driven him to the brink. He'd _hit_ Renji… _in the face._ That wasn't the normal rough-housing that went on between them. Ichigo had straight up _hit _him and had told him to get out and that he didn't care if he came back or not.

Ichigo hadn't wanted him to leave. Why hadn't Renji known that?

He knew there was no way for someone to always know what he meant all the time if his words didn't match up with his feelings. What was poor Renji supposed to do when he was bullying him like that? No, Ichigo was supposed to be strong, and look what he'd done trying to prove that he was tough. Ichigo wasn't tough at all; he was a wreck, just like Renji had said, and now he'd wrecked their relationship like the wreck he was.

He was supposed to be Superman. He'd _been_ Superman. He'd always been able to handle everything and take care of everyone. That had been his oath after his mother's death, and he'd failed, oh, how he'd failed. He'd struggled to keep everything from falling apart, and by so doing, he'd ensured that everything _would. _He was just falling off and Renji had only been trying to catch him.

Ichigo sat on the couch, trying to stay awake. He didn't want to be asleep when Renji came back, because Renji might get his stuff and leave without waking him. He had to try to stay up so he could apologize, but Ichigo couldn't do it, eventually crying himself to sleep, slumped over on the couch.

He couldn't bear the thought of Renji being out there, irreversibly wounding what was left of their relationship, but he didn't think he could bear seeing him come back to pack up his things either.

Oh, if only he could take all of that back. If only Renji would take _him_ back.

* * *

Ikkaku blinked in horror, legs wobbling. The building was on fire, and even from this distance, the heat was _scorching_. The sound alone was unbelievable, and the horrible hellish glare coming from inside told him that the entire building would likely burn to the ground. His home was on fire and Yumichika was in there, probably sleeping.

Ignoring his first instinct to run towards the building, Ikkaku took out his phone with shaking fingers. He was already hearing sirens in the distance, but he didn't think he could handle being the only one on the scene when the police and fire department arrived, so he stood there and waited. He called nine-one-one and hoped that they would hurry, because he didn't know what to do. What on earth could he do? This wasn't a residential area where he could just swipe someone's garden hose out of their front lawn, and he didn't know if he was brave enough to try going inside the smoldering lobby. It crossed his mind to try calling Yumichika, but if all the smoke alarms and sirens hadn't woken him up, his phone's ringtone probably wouldn't either. Maybe he'd been trapped somewhere. Maybe he was a deep sleeper. Maybe he'd already suffocated.

Ikkaku barely contained a scream at the injustice of it. This couldn't happen now, not _now_ that Yumichika had finally gotten back on the path of what he'd wanted most. Yumichika was going to die with his dreams still unfulfilled. Ikkaku was never going to be able to say 'I'm sorry I left you alone tonight', or 'I love you', or 'Please stay and live with me.' He'd missed his chance and now Yumichika was surely going to perish.

Later he would realize that a few weeks prior, he would have immediately panicked over his sword, weapons license, wallet, and personal documents being destroyed in the fire, but none of that stuff came to mind now. All he was worried about was Yumichika and getting him to safety. He had never had this feeling before, and it was so horrible that he felt like he was going to hurl. He didn't care if everything he had perished in the fire, as long as _Yumichika_ was safe. He hadn't even realized that Yumichika had become more of a treasure to him than even his precious sword, but now the paralyzing fear that he was going to lose Yumichika had seized him and sunk its horrible claws into his heart.

No one was coming down the fire escape yet. No one was calling for help or opening the windows. The lobby was wavering and glowing orange like the hot coals of a campfire, and it wasn't likely that anyone would try to come out that way. It looked like the fire had started in the basement, maybe due to a furnace or a boiler blowing out or some sicko arsonist having a little fun. The fire had started on the bottom levels and was traveling up, probably having reached the sixth floor so far, and now the whole thing was likely to collapse.

After five stressful minutes of approaching the building further and seeing fire engines trying to put out the flames on the lower levels, Ikkaku saw that families were starting to scramble down the escape ladders and be rescued, but he didn't see Yumichika anywhere in the panic. He was all alone in their apartment, trapped and waiting to either burn or smother, or maybe he didn't even realize anything was wrong and was peacefully dreaming. He was really going to die in there.

Ikkaku was afraid of fire; he admitted it. He liked campfires, fireworks, and sparklers, but he was skittish of being too close. He'd been burned really badly as a child, and he didn't even like lighting matches by himself, but he still gave a policeman a hell of a time trying desperately to get inside before it was too late. He didn't care anymore if the lobby looked like the doorway to hell; he had to get in there. Yumichika, he had to get to him! It couldn't end like this!

"Sir, stay back!"

"No, I have to go in! My friend's in there!"

He heard a '_pe-kin'_ sound as a window exploded above them. With a look around, he saw that someone was throwing rocks. With a startling crash, the glass broke and started raining down. Ikkaku immediately ducked, shielding his eyes.

All of a sudden, he saw someone hurl past him, cutting straight through the police lines and up to the edge of the building. Now that Ikkaku was looking, he saw that one of the windows on their side of the building had indeed been broken out, and now that guy was throwing off his shoes and climbing the side of the wall like a frickin' monkey, not even stopping or slowing down for a minute. He was clinging to windowsills and the guard-rails on the sides of landings, using them like the steps of a ladder, not hesitating to grab handholds that were on fire. He was heading straight for the broken window.

Ikkaku was incredulous and admittedly impressed at how well they were doing without any sort of harness, but another part of him wondered why on earth anyone would be trying to get _inside_ a burning building. Maybe they kept all their money in their mattress, or they had precious mementos of deceased loved ones that they had to retrieve, or maybe they had a sleeping baby somewhere in there.

Ikkaku was finally shoved back, pushed to a safe distance by the police officer, but Ikkaku just stared, squinting through the smoke as the man clung onto the wall as some burning debris fell and clipped him on its way down. After a short pause, the guy made it up to the window and punched the rest of the glass out, climbing inside and disappearing.

Ikkaku's heart was pounding like he couldn't believe, and all he could do was try not to cry as he thought of Yumichika burning in there. It was too late. The building wasn't structurally sound and there weren't enough firemen going inside. The odds were against them. If Yumichika was sleeping, he probably wouldn't be found by anyone until it was far too late. The next time he saw Yumichika, he'd be identifying his body, hopefully still appearing to be peacefully asleep instead of burnt beyond recognition.

Ikkaku numbly collapsed on the pavement, eyes wide and staring at nothing, mouth open and frozen in a horrified grimace. Yumichika was going to die, and he had to sit here and wait. Any second that rolled by could be the one that Yumichika's heart stopped, and he'd have no idea.

Ikkaku let out a shocked breath, down on his hands and knees, begging anything he could think of that Yumichika would be okay. What else could he do besides pray? All those cynical thoughts he'd always had about people only praying during horrible crises were gone. He needed Yumichika to be okay. Even if he was horribly burnt or stuck with breathing problems for the rest of his days, Ikkaku only wanted Yumichika to survive. He put his forehead to the pavement, fingernails digging into his scalp, _begging_ that he'd come out of this okay. He'd give all his earthly possessions, he'd give his own_ life_.

Even after only knowing him for a little over half a month, Ikkaku didn't think he had the strength to live the same without him. How would he ever smile again if Yumichika didn't make it? Yumichika's life and his beautiful dreams were over. It was all gone.

After five more minutes of listening to those endless sirens, Ikkaku looked back up at the conflagration hopelessly, still seeing people scrambling down the escape ladders from the top floors. He went over near the base of the ladder, as close as the line of police would let him get, and he waited, watching helplessly from one face to the next, endlessly disappointed as he looked for his roommate. He begged for Yumichika's safety a thousand times, hands clasped so tightly that they were turning red.

Maybe Yumichika was okay. Maybe he'd been woken up by a smoke alarm and was just waiting a safe distance away. Maybe a kind neighbor had kicked in the door and searched their apartment. Maybe the sirens had awoken him and he was still climbing down the escape ladder. Maybe he was just helping others evacuate. Maybe he'd still be okay.

All Ikkaku could do now was rely on his luck, and for the first time, he began to doubt that it was trustworthy.

* * *

Renji opened the door to their apartment, stepping inside, seeing Ichigo wake up from where he was huddled on the couch. He could immediately see that Ichigo had been crying.

Ichigo's tired pink eyes rose to Renji's face, and he started to stiffen up, worried that Renji was going to walk past him into their bedroom, fill a suitcase, and leave. Renji's face was solemn and calm, and as far as Ichigo could tell, he didn't see any guilt or sadness, which didn't particularly reassure him.

Renji shut the door and just stood there staring at him as he took off his coat, hanging it up. Ichigo tried to say something, but caught himself when his lip immediately trembled and his throat closed up. His fists started to clench and he wanted to break something, furious that he was shaking so badly. Renji's _face_ was just… He was so calm and serious, as if he'd made a decision and was sticking to it. Renji was going to leave, he was going to move out if he didn't do something. Ichigo didn't want to be left alone with this guilt for the rest of his life. It hurt so badly.

Renji turned back to him, eyes staring back into his resolutely, and Ichigo threw away his pride. He tried to apologize, tried to say that he was sorry and to beg him not to go, but Renji just walked towards him, causing Ichigo to flinch back and avoid his gaze, desperate to keep his voice and expression even. He tried to speak, tried to beg forgiveness, but Renji put his hand over his mouth and knelt in front of him, taking him in his arms.

Ichigo's hands twitched, because he didn't feel that he deserved to reach out and hug Renji back. He was still trying to get out the words 'I'm sorry', and he tried to explain that he'd overreacted and that he hadn't meant anything he'd said or done. He tried to apologize for hurting Renji's feelings and for punching him, but all Ichigo could do was give a frustrated angry scream and break down in tears. Renji didn't say a word, not even looking at him, just patting his back and holding him as he cried. His embrace was even, not squeezing or heartfelt, just laying there dormant and still around him. This wasn't out of love or forgiveness, it was a _pity _hug.

Ichigo was choking, desperate to keep in the pathetic noises that betrayed his feelings; he wanted to cling to Renji so bad, but he just couldn't, because he didn't feel love in Renji's embrace. He felt pity. Renji was trying to make him feel better so that it didn't hurt so bad when he left. There was nothing he could do to change Renji's mind, because he had that resolved look on his face that told Ichigo that he'd already made his decision. Renji had made up his mind to leave and was just doing this out of obligation. It made Ichigo want to _die._

"Renji?" he asked shakily, voice wrenched with emotion, still trying so hard to keep it together. He looked up to him, biting his trembling lips, eyes wet. He was so scared that he was shaking all over, and it was so irritating that it just made him even more emotional. Renji's eyes were still cold and calm, and his face revealed nothing. He smelled like alcohol, but he seemed frighteningly sober. Ichigo didn't see lipstick anywhere on him, but that might not mean anything. If he didn't know better, he'd say he could smell perfume… He _did_ smell perfume. Ichigo's heart broke, and he tried even harder to say something that might repair what he'd broken, that might make Renji take him back and love him again.

Renji had always put so much faith in their relationship and he'd never given up on it, even though Ichigo had been a stubborn jackass as a teenager. He hadn't wanted to date Renji publicly because he'd still been so embarrassed and pissed about it, but Renji had never given up. Ichigo had just assumed that things would always be like that, with Renji always following him and staying through everything. It had never occurred to him that Renji might tire of trying, and now all Ichigo could do was try to beg him not to give up on him, to stay because there wasn't anyone else in the world that he could trust like him. He'd given Renji his heart, and Ichigo couldn't bear to have it handed back to him.

Part of him wanted Renji to say something, to stop torturing him with that tense silence, but another part of him couldn't bear to hear Renji say that he'd made up his mind to go. Ichigo tried one last time to explain that he was sorry and that he hadn't meant it, but by then, he was an inch from sobbing his heart out, struggling just to breathe.

"I… I di-" Renji covered his mouth again, giving a minute shake of his head before he finally spoke, tone soft but strong, as convicted as Ichigo had assumed it would be.

"Marry me."

* * *

Just as Ikkaku was losing every last bit of hope, eyes red from the smoke, he heard something.

"Hey!" came a shout, and Ikkaku looked up towards the voice. He saw a random window open up, smoke billowing out like crazy, and he saw a man sticking his torso out the window and waving at him, _him in particular_.

Now that he was paying attention, that window was on the third floor, and overlooking the same view as… wait, _his apartment? _Ikkaku stood up in confusion, a hand flat on his brow in an effort to sharpen his vision. It was hard to see just who it was through all the smoke, but he thought that… Oh, no way.

"Catch!" the guy shouted in a joking tone that was inappropriate given the situation, and Ikkaku immediately recognized the shock of red hair and the limp body that he was trying to get out the window. Ikkaku's eyes widened as he realized just what was happening, and for one horrible moment he really thought that Kaa was going to throw Yumichika over the windowsill for someone to catch. It sickened Ikkaku to think of, but a couple people had already jumped. At least ten ambulances had already sped off, and more were still arriving.

Ikkaku's hope was coming back, sharp and tense, bringing strength back into his limbs. Kaa hefted Yumichika over his shoulder and put one leg out the window, not seeming intimidated by the three-story drop. He'd probably cut the crap out of his torso and legs climbing into that other window, which had had broken shards of glass sticking up all over, but he didn't even seem to be wincing. To Ikkaku's disbelief, Kaa started _climbing down _with Yumichika over his arm. It didn't make any sense. The guy was all lean muscle, and his body type just didn't have enough strength to do something like that.

Ikkaku quickly got the attention of the fire marshal, who was already getting a ladder ready so they could go pull the two of them down more safely. Wow, Ikkaku was impressed and flabbergasted. Kaa was a fucking maniac, but fuck, Ikkaku didn't care if it meant Yumichika had been rescued. He really would never be able to thank the guy enough. Where had he learned to climb like that? How had he known about the fire?

When they made it to the ground, Ikkaku shoved his way over to them, watching Kaa move Yumichika off his shoulder and lay him on his back on the cement. He was so limp that Ikkaku mistook him for dead for a minute.

Kaa was an inch from throwing up, coughing so hard that he was heaving, face black with soot, but the weird bastard was actually _smiling_. His whole body was shaking from stress, muscles giving out, and his movements were becoming uncoordinated and floppy from the sheer strain he'd put himself through. His eyes were red and runny, half of his hair was singed, and any visible skin had been charred and blackened. Ikkaku shook his head in disbelief, turning his attention on his unconscious love, whom Kaa was fussing over as well.

Yumichika was blue in the face, unconscious, obviously having fallen asleep before the fire and had breathed all of that smoke without knowing. Other than that, he didn't seem to have been burnt at all, to Ikkaku's surprise. That had been his main concern, but now that he saw how pale and still he was, it came to him that suffocating was just as serious as burning to death.

Kaa untucked his shirt with a laugh that was muffled by coughing, and Yumichika's cat tumbled out. Ikkaku could see claw marks and deep cuts from the glass all down the guy's skinny front, and the cat really did seem to like him, just like Yumichika had said. She was frazzled and jumpy, but she didn't run away or leave them. They were okay, they were both okay, oh thank god.

Ikkaku didn't know when he'd started crying, but he couldn't fucking stop, saying thank you over and over to nothing in particular, so glad that they were okay, that they'd been found. Kaa was eerily calm and almost cheery, not concerned about his own injuries, just checking Yumichika over and calling for medical attention.

"C'mon, Sleeping Beauty," he said blandly, tapping Yumichika's face, shaking him a little. "You okay? C'mon, Bubblegum, time ta' get up now," he said, sounding more worried now. Yumichika was so limp and pale.

It finally seemed to occur to Kaa that Yumichika wasn't just sleeping, and he began having a full-blown freak-out, shouting about carbon monoxide poisoning. Ikkaku had to grab him because he was shaking Yumichika pretty roughly in an effort to jolt him awake.

The paramedics got Yumichika on a gurney and loaded him into an ambulance. They took Kaa too, who was under the impression that he was coming because he wanted to stay with Yumichika, not because he needed medical help. Ikkaku got in too, concern returning. When Yumichika woke up, he wanted to be there. Haruki wouldn't come with them at first, but Kaa coaxed her in when Ikkaku mentioned that they shouldn't leave her. Hopefully Yumichika would be glad to see her when he woke up.

_When_, not if. The alternative was too horrible to imagine. Yumichika would make it. He had to.

Just before they shut the doors, Ikkaku's breath left him as he saw something laying on the cement. He'd never dropped his sword before in his entire life, but there it was. He scarcely had enough time to go grab it before they were speeding off.

They strapped an oxygen mask over Yumichika's face, and every once in a while he would take a weak gasp and twitch, eyes fluttering, but other than that, he looked dead, taking shallow breaths that hardly moved his chest at all. Ikkaku and Kaa just sat there and stared at him worriedly as the medics crowded around him.

"That was really brave," Ikkaku said, not looking at Kaa. He never would've thought he would ever compliment the guy on something until now. He really was grateful, though. That had been really gutsy. The weird thing was that Kaa didn't even seem to realize how reckless that had been and how crazy that had been to attempt.

"Eh'." Kaa shrugged, not paying attention to Haruki, who was in his lap and rubbing on him affectionately. He still didn't seem to understand that it had been a risk to his own safety to go get Yumichika like that, or maybe he just didn't care. He rubbed his cheek with a blackened hand, smearing soot all over his face more than it was already. His shirt was sticking to his chest where his bleeding had dried. After a few seconds, Kaa started jittering nervously, hands fisting in his hair in anxiety, and he began muttering to himself about Yumichika dying and that he couldn't live if he wasn't in the world somewhere. Ikkaku tried to make a fist in his mind, telling himself that Yumichika would be okay. There wasn't a chance of him dying, no. Yumichika _would live._

When they got him into the emergency wing of the hospital, Kaa and Ikkaku stayed behind in the waiting room to check Yumichika in. Kaa was dragged in by a nurse, because he was still coughing and trying not to hurl. Ikkaku followed behind, contemplating on picking Haruki up, but changed his mind when she hissed and swiped at him. She didn't seem to like the hospital-smell, and she wouldn't follow Ikkaku. There weren't supposed to be animals here, so he asked one of the security guards if they could watch her or take her somewhere until he got back, and they said 'okay', but Haruki wasn't letting the guard get anywhere near her either.

Ikkaku decided that he couldn't wait, and left the guy to deal with it himself, not wanting to lose track of where Yumichika was being taken.

Yumichika was put on a respirator, and Kaa had been given some water and some bandages for his chest. The two of them just sat there on either side of Yumichika's bed, each holding one of his hands.

* * *

Ichigo was gasping for breath, still really weepy now that he'd let loose. He couldn't hold his emotions in anymore and it was embarrassing, but he couldn't help it. You know what they say about floodgates. Renji was still trying to comfort him, giving him a kiss and pressing their cheeks together. His voice was deep and soothing in his ear.

"The car doesn't matter. We can get it back. Just calm yourself down…"

Ichigo hadn't known that Renji had found out about the car, and in his upset, he started blindly hitting at Renji, still so distressed and scared and _angry_, trying to mask his tears with fury. He tried to talk through his sobs, slapping weakly at Renji's chest. "You scared me so fucking bad, I hate you!" Renji squatted in front of him, just grabbing him and smooshing his balled-up body against his torso, and Ichigo just allowed it, crying hard into his chest for a few moments, Renji's shirt muffling the sound.

"Let someone else be strong for a while," Renji said, patting his back, letting Ichigo get a hold of himself. "Shhhh… sh, sh, sh." Renji petted his head as Ichigo breathed shakily and growled in frustration when he couldn't stem the flow of his tears. Renji got up on the couch next to him, and Ichigo shoved his face in Renji's armpit, burrowing under his arm as Renji held him, not wanting Renji to look at him when he was like this.

"I thought you weren't coming back," he said with a sniffle, almost getting himself going again as he wondered whether Renji really had betrayed him. He hesitantly choked out his worst fears, not meeting Renji's eyes, but listening for any kind of guilty reaction. "I thought that you were gonna' go have sex with someo-"

Renji cut him off, lifting his chin to make him meet his eyes. Ichigo blinked a few times, swallowing hard, biting his lips. Renji stayed composed, eyes not reflecting guilt or pity, just calm silence. After a quiet moment of waiting for Ichigo to get a little more control over his breathing, Renji spoke. "The day you walked out on me was the worst day of my life, and… I'm not gonna' walk out on you," he said, voice finally betraying his emotion, "ever again…"

He made Ichigo sit back against the couch and then knelt in front of him, looking up to him, still so calm and quiet. Ichigo wiped his eyes and tried to get it together, heart still pounding; Renji was so composed and it just made him feel like the absolute wreck he'd become. His face probably was completely disgusting after all that messy crying, and Renji probably thought he was a huge wimp. "I'm not goin' anywhere. From now on, let's always be together... Take me with you wherever you go." Renji took a marker off the coffee table and then took Ichigo's hand in his.

Ichigo just watched as Renji uncapped the marker with his teeth and then drew a stupid little design that resembled his own tattoos onto his ring finger. Then he looked up, leaned forward, and kissed Ichigo on his tear-wet mouth. Ichigo didn't move, letting Renji's warm lips ghost over his, and suddenly he realized that Renji had forgiven him, forgiven every stupid thing he'd said and done, just as he always had.

He fisted his hands in Renji's hair and wrapped his legs around Renji's torso, clinging to him tight and not relinquishing the grasp even when Renji asked him to. He just grit his teeth hard in an attempt to contain his whimpers as tears slipped out of his screwed-up eyes. This wasn't a hug. Ichigo was going to lock him here until he was sure that he wasn't going to sneak away.

This was too good to be true. How dare this idiot forgive him. He didn't _deserve_ to be forgiven, and yet Renji had, just like always. What a wonderful man he'd found. Ichigo would never be as good as Renji, or good enough for him, and he admired him so much at that moment, him and his strength. Oh, how Ichigo envied him. Ichigo was bitter and always scowling, always cynical and mean, but that wasn't tough, was it. No, that was easy to do. All of the damage that had been done to Renji, all of that hurt and misfortune had happened to him, and yet Renji was still strong enough to forgive him. He was strong enough to remain gentle and kind towards the one who'd hurt him. That took guts.

Renji carried him to bed and lay them on top of the blankets, giving a calm sigh when Ichigo kept his limbs fixed around him. Now that Ichigo had finally given in and returned that embrace Renji had offered when he'd come back, he couldn't let go.

Renji pet Ichigo's hair for a while, trying to calm him down so he could go to sleep. It was so late at night, but Ichigo would _not_ close his eyes, clinging to Renji with renewed fervor every time he slowed down or paused for a moment, still thinking that he might not be there when he awoke. His face was red with embarrassment that he had cried so hard like that, but he didn't let it get in the way of holding tight to Renji's body. No, he wouldn't stop. He was still too afraid to sleep.

Renji didn't speak, giving him the time to pull himself together. He knew that Ichigo was embarrassed and wouldn't want to have to talk until he'd calmed down, so he just waited, listening to Ichigo's sniffling as he stroked through his fuzzy head of spiky hair. He must've scared Ichigo really badly if he had reacted like this. That's why he'd come back. Renji remembered how horrible it had been to wait there all alone, wondering what Ichigo was doing, who he might sleep with in a fit of rage. Truth be told, Renji had thought about betraying Ichigo just to hurt him back, but he hadn't been able to go through with it. The temptation had been so close and so powerful that it had really scared him, and at that moment it had felt like he'd been punishing himself, not Ichigo.

He'd realized that he hadn't wanted that fight to be the end of them, so he hadn't allowed it to be that way. He had just decided that that wasn't going to happen and chose to salvage their relationship, which wasn't as hopeless as Ichigo made it seem. No. He'd been right all along; Renji had been right that they had come out of the dark times and needed to make a change, and the only thing he'd still had to decide was how big the change would be. They wouldn't just move into a house together. No, Renji wanted to get married, and that was the end of it. They weren't breaking up. They were going to be engaged. He'd decided this and had come home, and everything was going to be fine now.

Renji had always loved building things, but he loved to fix them even more, in every aspect of life. If things stayed difficult, which they wouldn't, Renji would persevere and stand strong through the storm. If their car broke down, he'd learn how to fix it. If they were out of money, Renji would work harder. If they fought, Renji would take a dive and apologize even if it wasn't his fault, because Ichigo would calm down and apologize himself later. If Ichigo kept having meltdowns like this and telling him to go without meaning it, he'd always be there to say 'too fucking bad.' Renji was _not_ a quitter.

He knew that leaving after they'd fought had been the wrong thing to do, but it had helped him think and temper his resolve. That little scare he'd given himself when he'd been teetering on the edge of being unfaithful, it had shocked him into acting right. Still, he knew that his absence had scared Ichigo really badly, and the guilt was getting to him a little, even though he knew that a scare had been what Ichigo had needed to get it together. It was just that… Ichigo didn't cry.

The only times Renji had ever seen him do so were when he'd gotten so angry at him those two nights, and even then, he hadn't been weeping. His eyes had just filled up with tears that trailed down his face as he screamed in rage. He hadn't… he hadn't _sobbed. _Renji hadn't ever even seen him cry over his dead mother, and the fact that he'd driven Ichigo to tears by leaving like that was just an testament to how badly he'd scared him. Maybe… maybe it was what they had needed, though, because when a string is cut and then tied together again, the ends are closer than before.

Ichigo finally spoke up, voice still raw and shaky, but stable enough that it was clear that he could keep it together now and have the adult conversation that they _needed_ to have. "We can't stay together if shit's like this." Renji shrugged, not meeting Ichigo's watery eyes. Even though he'd said close to the same thing only hours before, Renji didn't feel like that anymore. He was one hundred percent sure that this was what he wanted. They were staying together, because he wasn't leaving this bastard.

"Like what?" he asked calmly. Ichigo looked to him, still clenching his hands in his shirt even as he said this, making it clear that he still doubted that he was really going to stay.

"With all this fighting and tension and shit!" Ichigo's voice cracked, face screwing up in frustration and despair, eyes wet and red. "How are we gonna' survive? We're gonna' end up killing each other!" Ichigo was yelling again, but it wasn't out of spite this time. Ichigo was _afraid_.

"I… _I'm_ gonna'… I-" he cut himself off, finally releasing Renji's shirt in favor of hiding his head in his hands. Renji could see that Ichigo was sure that the pale-faced monster from his nightmares had really taken control of him and had hurt the ones he loved, just like it had promised.

"Okay, Anakin, just calm down," Renji mumbled, running a hand through Ichigo's hair. Ichigo mumbled bitterly that he shouldn't be making jokes. Renji saw that Ichigo needed a few more minutes of slow breathing to get his thoughts together. The floodgates hadn't closed just yet, and he knew how much it bugged Ichigo to not be able to control what came out of his mouth. "You're not gonna' be the death a' me, okay? Let's just try and calm down for a while." Ichigo sat up and shrugged his hand off, looking him in the face.

"No, I can't calm down. All of this is seriously screwing us up… It's… it's screwing _me_ up, Renji. I can't stand the thought of us splitting up, but what's worse is that at this rate, if we do split up, it won't be amicable. We won't even be able to be around each other afterwards, and if that happens, I'll really have lost you." Ichigo's mouth contorted for a few moments before he went on. "I don't want things to be over. You can't leave me, it _hurts,_" Ichigo said, eyes welling up again as he clutched the front of his shirt. Renji didn't let him get worked up again, trying to stop him from continuing that horrible train of thought, but Ichigo held up a hand, going on. "If I can't control what the fuck I say, I'm gonna' drive you away for good. Maybe you'll stay this time, but what if this keeps happening? Our arguing's not like how it used to be and I don't know how to go back. This… This is just too much, and it's…"

Ichigo trailed off, eyes dripping, face going blank and numb like how it was when he looked at his mom's grave. His breathing calmed, and the tears stopped as he held everything under, voice considerably more composed. "It's not just me anymore, don't you see that?" For a moment, Renji thought he saw some horrible flicker of yellow in Ichigo's tortured eyes, but he just shook his head, refusing to see anyone but the one he loved. "Is it stress build-up, am I just a jerk- I don't _know_."

Ichigo's breath grew ragged and he looked at his hands as if they were transforming into claws before his eyes. "The fighting… I…"

Renji stayed quiet, the worry and disturbed tension fading away as he listened to Ichigo's voice. No matter what he said or did, it was still Ichigo, and he was positive that this was all just a byproduct of stress.

Ichigo hunched over, sitting cross-legged, hands clamping over the sides of his head. "The _fighting_ is…"

Renji lay there on his side, head resting on his upper arm. He looked up to Ichigo, trailing a finger over his knee with a calm lax smile. "Ya' know?… I like it," he said softly, smiling like how he had when they'd been seventeen, and Renji had picked Ichigo a dandelion and tried to put it in his hair. Ichigo had punched him flat on his back but had kept the flower, and of course, Renji had still been smiling.

Ichigo looked at Renji in disbelief. "You're so fucking annoying." Of course, it wasn't just Renji that was annoying; it was how Renji made him feel. It was so confusing. The guilt, the anger, it was all just too much sometimes. He flopped down next to Renji, worming up into his arms. They both stared at the ceiling and now that Ichigo had exhaled, they could finally start talking things out for real. Renji grinned in victory, watching those dark brown eyes closely, heart fluttering even though Ichigo began to rattle off insults.

"You dress like you're colorblind, your hair fucks up the drain, you eat like a pig, you're stubborn, and you sweat too much when you fuck me," Ichigo said with a sigh, lip protruding in a pout. Renji just grinned that soft smile again, still giving him those lovey eyes as if Ichigo was saying something romantic. Ichigo felt like punching him, but at the same time he felt like grabbing Renji by the collar and kissing him until he wouldn't leave.

"Yeah, and you punch like you have a rock for a fist, you swear too much, you're pissy, you're cranky, and you have pretty eyes," Renji ended, surprising Ichigo with the abrupt flip-flop. "You've been a real bastard lately, but… hey," Renji said all of a sudden, something dawning on him.

"What?" Ichigo asked, sniffing, wiping both his eyes with the heels of his hands, glad that Renji hadn't said anything to make him feel more embarrassed about his crying. Seriously… he'd actually _cried_. Geez, he'd never live this one down.

"Quit your job," Renji said flatly. Ichigo just looked at him, startled by the change in topic. He became more prickly again, protesting, immediately jumping to be contrary.

"No way, we need the money, m-"

"Quit your job," Renji repeated, not leaving room for argument. "You're not happy there. Besides, you've officially aged out of being a busboy. You're not sixteen anymore, okay? You've got enough experience now that you don't have to be a waiter either. You can find work somewhere else. Just let it go," he said, meeting Ichigo's eyes warningly.

Ichigo felt like arguing, but his lips didn't listen to his brain, paying attention to his heart instead. "Okay," he said, to his own surprise. Renji went on then, seeming pleased.

"See? It's good to compromise." Ichigo gave a long-suffering huff, crossing his arms.

"We shouldn't _have_ to compromise. If I wasn't such a dick to you, then everything would be fine like normal. I'm a _jerk_," he said plainly. Renji tried to say that he understood that everything had become too much, but Ichigo just kept going.

"No, you were right about everything. Just- You know how fucking hard I try to handle everything and it pissed me off to hear you say it out loud that I'm overwhelmed, okay? It hurts… It hurts, when… I wanna' take care of us and I _can't._" Ichigo shook his head, blinking back tears again, looking to the ceiling as if in some plea for help.

"I don't want your life with me to be miserable. I know the crap you dealt with and I don't want you to have to go through that again, and I… I guess,by letting it bug me that much, it just piled up and… I still made you miserable anyway, so what good was that?" Renji just listened and withheld his comments, which Ichigo was glad for, because his cheeks were red with shame.

"And I should've let things go more like you said, and… I… I kept telling myself that all this stuff was just a coincidence and that I could deal with it and that it was _your_ fault. If you didn't believe I was strong, I wanted to show you, and… and I couldn't, and… I fucking snapped. I didn't mean… I _don't_ mean what I said," Ichigo sniffled, rubbing his runny nose on his hand, and Renji knew that Ichigo was really bothered if he was going to do that, because he thought it was disgusting most of the time.

"I should've been up front and told you when I was having a bad day so we could deal with it. If I was pissed, I should've just said something so that you'd be ready for it instead of just bottling it up and making you feel like _you_ were the reason I was mad… And you were trying so hard, I _know_ you were… Like… I thought I was doing good when we went on that date with Ikkaku and Yumichika, and things were… they were like normal, and I missed that so much… and I just-" Ichigo fisted his hands in his hair, going on and on.

"You've been so patient and shit, and… and, you probably thought… Ugh, I wish I could take all of it back." He flopped forward, still sitting cross-legged, just letting his head touch the mattress. Renji rubbed his hair a little.

"Look, I'm not trying to put the blame on someone else, but I can't stop thinking about that fucker in my dreams." Renji then interrupted, insisting that he wasn't real and that this was stupid. "_No_, it's taking over my fucking brain and I can't get it out, okay? I know it's not real, but the more I think about it and the more stuff he says, the more I notice that I'm… I'll find myself _saying_ some of the things that he's says. What if this was always a part of me?"

Renji just listened stoically, eyebrows crinkling. Ichigo gave a rough sigh.

He couldn't blame his outbursts on his nightmares, because they weren't real, just like Renji said, but Ichigo still took solace in the fact that there was no way that Shirosaki could feel love. As long as Ichigo had love, everyone would be safe.

"I feel like just thinking about it is making it a real part of me, and… I let it get out of control. I went too far and I fucking cursed you out and I _meant_ it at the time. I… I really… hated you… and I wanted to hurt you." Ichigo clenched his eyes and teeth, head rolling back as he forced out that he'd really felt that way at the time.

"And… I don't want to be like, 'this wasn't _my_ fault', but… Fuck, I don't want to believe that it was _me_ that was so horrible to you. No, you know what? I'm a psycho, okay? I'm gonna' turn into a psycho and hurt you worse. I seriously almost broke your jaw. I purposefully tried to hurt your feelings, I wanted to beat the shit out of you, and I was stupid and mean and I-" Renji cut him off.

"Will you marry me?"

Ichigo paused, arms still raised, stuck in the tirade that had been abruptly cut off. He stared at Renji, searching for insincerity. Renji just looked back at him passively. Ichigo gave a rough sigh, irritated when it seemed like Renji hadn't even been listening to him. He'd gone into a little rant, but he'd been brutally honest, letting out everything that he'd kept in his secret-heart for so long, and he'd really wanted Renji to listen to what he'd been saying.

"No, no, I hear what you're saying, I promise. Just look, okay?" Renji said, not backing down. "We found out that I don't have AIDS, that bad semester's over, you're quitting your job." Ichigo made to say that he couldn't, but Renji cut him off with, "Shut up, you are!" Ichigo sunk down, glaring at him, but Renji grinned, already able to see that Ichigo was reverting back into their natural habit of arguing – the _good_ kind.

"I didn't tell you, but I got an offer for a paid internship… and, uh… I said yes. I wanted to talk it out with you, and the job isn't exactly what I wanted to do in life, but… the pay'll be enough for us to live a lot nicer."

"Really?" Ichigo asked, surprised and happy, but also guilty that he'd gotten so mad at Renji and had doubted their future. Renji nodded.

"Yeah. I'll get good money and maybe after that I can try to work towards what I really want to do. I'll have a real job now, so you won't have to do it all on your own. I'll be responsible n' shit, I promise I'll try hard. Things'll be better, just like we planned. It's all over, all of that crap, it's all done." Renji shook his head, crawling towards him, promising that he was telling the truth.

"I… before we fought, what I was building up to tell you… I was gonna' ask you to go house hunting. We can have a clean start and get a house, even if we can't afford to buy furniture for a year. We could be a family for real… _legally. _We should do it. They say it's good to settle down once you're heading towards stability, and we are. It'll be a good change, and… it'll make us stronger, maybe," Renji said, rolling onto his back, smiling up at him. "Let's live together and get married, okay?… You asshole," he added on, making his voice sound like how it had when they'd been in high school, best friends, rivals, and partners all in one.

Ichigo took a breath in, ready to blow up at him because that idea was so _insane_ that he felt like screaming, but to his own surprise, he let it go, just like Renji had told him to.

"Okay," he said, deflating, smiling after a moment when he realized how _good_ it felt. Then he glared at Renji and shoved him a little with that old attitude. Renji looked at him with starry eyes, as if in disbelief that things may have gone back to normal, that Ichigo had actually agreed. Renji couldn't stop smiling, letting it hit him full-force. He'd said 'okay', as in _'yes'_.

"But you're the wife," Ichigo said flatly, pointing in Renji's face. Renji just gave him a weird look and then started laughing into his arm, shaking his head. Then he began laughing harder, just looking back at Ichigo again incredulously, wondering if he'd forgotten that they were gay. Ichigo looked at his laughing boyfriend - ahem, _fiance -_ for a minute, fighting back a smile, and then wormed into Renji's arms, waiting for his giggling to calm down.

"Happy birthday," Renji said it with the tone that he would give to an insult, grinning his ass off, making a motion like he should 'unwrap' him, starting with his belt. Ichigo just scowled back at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Says who?" Renji just laughed at the challenge, tackling him to the bed in a kiss.

"Mm," Renji sighed into Ichigo's lips, holding him down and pressing his body on top of him. Ichigo made a noise and asked him if he had bought a vibrator or something. "What?" Renji pulled back to see what he meant, and noticed his phone was buzzing.

He lay down on his side next to Ichigo, checking a message from Ichigo's father, half-sitting up from the force of his laughter. "PFFT!" he spat, clapping a hand over his mouth, half-embarrassed that he'd literally _spat_ in front of Ichigo, but the other half of him was too busy laughing. Ichigo was confused and smiling a little at Renji's reaction, taking the phone after Renji offered it to him.

"Man, Isshin got you so good this time!"

"He never gets-" Ichigo stopped, breath leaving him.

'_Paid Ryuuken to call Ichigo and inform him that his car was towed and then stolen from the impound lot. The car's actually at my house now. I just paid the boot-bail and had it detailed. Tell him 'happy birthday' from daddy.'_

For the rest of the night, Renji was reeling that he was seriously getting _married_, while Ichigo was still in shock that his dad had pranked him so hard, and he'd actually fallen for it.

* * *

The first thing Yumichika awoke to was pain. His lungs felt like they were on fire, and an itch in his throat sent him into a fit of coughing, which scared him pretty badly, because he really felt like he was drowning. He couldn't breathe enough, and every small inhale he managed just made him need to cough even more. He was seriously _choking_ and the panic seized him roughly as he struggled to get out whatever was blocking his airways.

His face scrunched up and his hands blindly came up to get whatever was on his mouth and nose _off_. There had to be something plugging it up. Something kept touching him and taking his hands away, and when he opened his eyes to see what was happening, he immediately shut them again - not because it was too bright, but because it felt like there was something stuck in both his eyes. He started blinking like crazy, tearing up so much that he could feel his cheeks immediately get wet.

Yumichika kept trying to take off his oxygen mask like a baby who got upset because something kept hurting their face, not realizing that it was their own hands. Every time he tried to shove at his nose and mouth, something would scrape along his face, and something else would grab his arms to take them away. He still couldn't see who was doing it, because he couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to really see much. His eyes were red and leaking, struggling to flush out whatever was irritating them, and he didn't think he'd ever had a worse headache.

As the seconds rolled past and his coughing began to cease, it felt like water was draining out of his ears, relieving some of the pressure of his headache. After sound began to penetrate his spaced out ears, his blurry vision cleared for a second, and he thought he could see Ikkaku sitting at his bedside, looking at him with concern. Was he dying? What had happened? He'd just gone to sleep and hadn't had any dreams. He must be in the hospital, but why?

He tried to speak to ask what had happened and immediately noticed a horrible rattling noise that almost sounded like a stalling lawnmower, further realizing that it was his own breath. He got through about two shaky inhales before his breath caught again, thick horrible phlegm choking him. He started coughing again, unable to stop until something came loose, feeling something wet on his lips.

A hand with rough blackened fingertips pulled back the thing over his face, pressing a napkin onto his mouth, wiping gently. Yumichika was stunned when he could see through his blurry vision that whatever he'd coughed up was _black._ He again tried to scratch his nose, but was surprised when his hands hit plastic. Oh… Was this an oxygen mask? Why was breathing still so hard? Oh, his throat hurt so badly, and he thought he could feel his chest spasming, forcing him to practically hack up his lungs.

He started coughing again, and this time it was wet and messy, but it felt like he could breathe a little better when he was done. Somebody wiped his mouth again, and he felt vaguely embarrassed but he was too weak to protest. Another set of hands from his other side pressed a soft tissue to his burning eyes, wiping away tears that were quickly replaced. There were so many that he could still hardly see, and he didn't know how to make it stop. It wasn't as if he was crying, but his poor eyes definitely were trying to flush something out.

"What hap-" he croaked, descending into another coughing fit. He heard someone shushing him, and he assumed it was directed at his speaking, not his coughing.

Through his bleary vision he could vaguely pick out two different body shapes, one with a blurry smudge of dark red hair, one only a skin-colored blob. Recognizing that Kaa and Ikkaku were both with him, sitting at his bedside, Yumichika tried to sit up a little, and immediately they both moved to help him, fixing his pillows.

Now that gravity was on his side, the tears that kept filling his irritated eyes just ran down his face, leaving him clear to see a little better. He was still blinking rapidly, trying to force himself to stop so he could try to see their expressions. Had something gotten in his eyes while he'd been sleeping? He knew that sometimes he slept with his eyes slightly open, because sometimes he'd wake up with them being dry, but nothing like this had ever happened. Had some sort of chemical spilled near his face? Why was his breathing so messed up?

Kaa's face got close enough to his that he could see in better detail, enough so that he was shocked at his condition. Kaa didn't seem perturbed by his own state; his eyes were big and concerned, and they were so_ reddened_, like he'd gotten something stuck in there too.

His well-kept hair was blackened and singed, and his face was smudged with soot, like he'd taken up a job as a chimney-sweep. There was a little piece of ash in his sideburns, and his breathing was noisy and forced. Ikkaku, on his other side, was physically unmarked, but otherwise a total wreck, eyes red for a completely different reason. Had Ikkaku been crying? What had happened? Was he dying?

They were both holding one of his hands, watching his every move, tense and nervous and ready to answer his every need. What on earth had happened to him? He wished they would say something instead of staring at him like they were waiting for him to die.

"Here, you want some water?" Kaa said in a raspy but sweet voice, smiling a little, grabbing a little Dixie cup and holding it to Yumichika's mouth. "Oh, wait," Kaa mumbled, trying to pull the mask off his face without snapping it back and hurting him. Ikkaku helped him pull it out of the way and Kaa pushed the paper cup to Yumichika's lips.

Yumichika could see better from this close, noticing that Kaa's fingertips were blackened as if he'd been drawing with charcoal, his nails cracked like he'd tried to dig them into stone. His skin looked extremely dry and raw, callouses toughened by soot that had worked its way into the detailing of his fingerprints.

Yumichika tried to swallow, choking a little bit, but the cool relief felt so good in his mouth and on his throat that it made his breathing noticeably quieter, although there was still that annoying rattle. He didn't seem to be injured at all from what he could feel, so maybe it was something else. Was he sick, maybe? He hoped he wasn't contagious. He just couldn't control his coughing fits and he didn't want to get either of his boys sick.

"How do you feel?" Ikkaku asked, voice calm and steady. He rubbed Yumichika's hand between both of his, warming it up. Yumichika's head rolled towards him; he was rather alarmed at how concerned both of the men were. Was he at death's door or something? Was he going to die? Something had definitely happened to him and they were worried about him, but Yumichika just couldn't remember anything and he didn't get why. The last thing he remembered was Ikkaku going out for his walk and then going to sleep in his floor-bed.

"I f-" Yumichika wheezed, whining in pain as he starting coughing yet again, trying to hold it in, only succeeding in choking himself a little when he tried to forcibly stop. Kaa's face scrunched in concern and he reached a hand out as if he wanted to pat Yumichika's back, but thought better of it. Yumichika tried to make a noise to let them know that _he couldn't breathe_, because they didn't seem to know. He'd stopped coughing, but now he honestly couldn't cough or breathe at all, just stuck there scrabbling at his chest, waiting for something to happen in panic.

Ikkaku helped pull him forward when he realized that the abrupt stop to Yumichika's coughing was cause for alarm. Seeing Yumichika grabbing his throat seemed to have alerted the both of them that he was choking on phlegm. Kaa patted his back with some force, not too hard, but hard enough to get Yumichika's coughing to start up again.

Yumichika gave a pitiful little noise, spitting weakly, feeling Ikkaku pulling back his oxygen mask again so Kaa could wipe his face. "Gross," he croaked pathetically, flopping back into the pillows.

"You okay, Yum-Yum?" Kaa asked tentatively. Ikkaku nodded, looking between the two of them, holding his hand again.

"My throat hurts," Yumichika rasped carefully, blinking to clear his wet eyes.

"Aw, poor guy," Kaa whined, leaning in and pecking Yumichika's forehead. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked, putting on a smile to try to put Yumichika's worries to rest. "Ya' must've been having good dreams if ya' weren't waking up, huh?"

Yumichika nodded, not trusting himself to speak without hacking up his organs. Ikkaku was silent, holding Yumichika's hand to his face, not moving. "What happened?" Yumichika finally asked in a whisper. Ikkaku was acting like he'd been brought back from the dead, and it really scared him to see him so pale and shaken up. Besides that, he could easily hear Kaa's old avoidance tactic of prancing around tough issues.

Ikkaku visibly swallowed, looking down at his feet. "… I thought you were gonna' die." Kaa was solemn then, his carefree attitude dropping as he watched Ikkaku talk, still holding Yumichika's hand and petting it gently with his grubby hands. Ikkaku exhaled carefully, voice rough like he'd been screaming. "The building was just…" Ikkaku shook his head, biting his lip, looking at the ground. Kaa gave an understanding nod, making a noise that showed he agreed about how horrible things had gotten.

"Flames were seriously shooting out of the windows, and…" Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika in horror, eyes haunted. Yumichika remembered that Ikkaku had gone out on a walk alone and… he'd come back and gone to bed and then the building had caught fire? Oh no, was Ikkaku's home destroyed? Where were he and Yachiru going to live? Had he been hurt? As far as Yumichika could see, he was unharmed, so Ikkaku had probably escaped the fire, but… had he left him behind? No, Ikkaku wouldn't do that. Had they been separated? Maybe Ikkaku had still been out on his walk when it happened and hadn't been able to help him. Oh, how horrible…

Ikkaku just smiled self-deprecatingly like his heart was breaking. He brought Yumichika's hand to his forehead, leaning down, elbows on his knees. "The firemen couldn't… they… some people actually died," he said quietly, to Yumichika's horror. "They weren't going in for you, and… they wouldn't let _me_ go in, and… They were focusing on the top ten floors of the building, and they… they just gave up," Ikkaku said in a growl, mouth contorting.

Kaa kissed Yumichika's knuckles, holding his hand like it would be the last time he ever would. He seemed outwardly oblivious and unconcerned, as if Yumichika was just here to have his tonsils out, but Yumichika knew all about Kaa's little act when he was trying not to lose it over someone.

Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika with wet eyes, glaring at him like it was _his_ fault. Yumichika knew he was just mad at himself. "They were just trying to keep the building from collapsing so they could save the top floors, and… I…" Ikkaku shook his head. "I just thought that you'd gone to sleep and the next time I saw you would be when I had to identify your body," he choked out, half-shouting, absolutely furious. Those words seemed to shock Kaa into awareness, because he made a pitiful noise and held Yumichika's hand to his mouth, closing his eyes. Yumichika thought he could see flames reflecting in Ikkaku's eyes.

"I thought you were dead…" Yumichika curled his fingers through Ikkaku's, looking away, because he saw that Ikkaku's eyes were dripping and he knew how it was with tough men not wanting to be seen when they cry.

"How did I escape?" Yumichika asked in confusion, voice like a box of nails. Kaa was noticeably silent, not moving, not looking at either of them.

"Kaa got you," Ikkaku answered when it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything.

"Kaa got me," Yumichika repeated, letting the words hit him. Ikkaku's heart wrenched horribly as he watched Yumichika look to Kaa with soft eyes. No. He wouldn't be jealous. He wouldn't say anything even if Yumichika went back to him. Yumichika had been brought back alive, and that was all he wanted. He would _not_ scorn such a gift.

"You got me," Yumichika said again softly, running his hand over Kaa's face. Ikkaku cringed at the love he could hear in Yumichika's voice, loosening his grip on his hand. He knew that Yumichika might always have love for Kaa, and he'd accepted that. He just hoped Yumichika wouldn't do something rash just because Kaa had saved him. He didn't know if saving his life made up for all the years he'd wronged Yumichika, but that wasn't Ikkaku's decision to make, so he kept his mouth shut. He'd gotten what he'd asked for, which was Yumichika's safety, and he was damn well gonna' be grateful for that. He didn't own Yumichika or have a claim on him, and he wasn't going to stand in the way of what he wanted, even if it hurt.

Ikkaku didn't want to let him go, even though he knew he had to anyway because of his new child. Oh God, what were they going to do? He was going to be declared an unfit parent with no home, and Yachiru would be taken away. Ikkaku's eyebrows tightened, pushing that from his mind, trying to focus on Yumichika. He'd be thankful, he'd be _grateful._ Nothing mattered right now except the fact that Yumichika was still alive. That was enough of a blessing and he wouldn't ask for more.

"Yes," Kaa replied, still not meeting his eyes. Yumichika was silent for a moment, just looking at Kaa's face and rubbing his hand with his thumb, allowing Kaa to slip a hand up into his and lace their fingers. Ikkaku closed his eyes for a moment, sure that he had no chance, but he startled slightly when Yumichika's hand tightened in his, not allowing his fingers to slip away.

"But… I don't get it," Yumichika said, coughing a little. They helped him get another drink, which took another five minutes of helping him hack up whatever gunk had gotten stuck in his lungs.

"What don't you get, honey?" Kaa asked, voice raw and short. His eyes reflected that of a thousand years of torture, and Ikkaku suddenly felt bad for the guy.

"How did you know which room I was in?" Yumichika asked, looking to him like he was the only man in the world, fingers still linked tight in Ikkaku's as an anchor.

"Lucky guess," Kaa said for what was probably the thousandth time, voice strained as he smiled sadly, tears in his eyes. He held Yumichika's hand tight to his face, biting his lip like his heart had broken.

Yumichika made a small tender noise, settling back down and taking in the fact that Kaa had risked his life to rescue him. Ikkaku silently watched the two of them share a significant gaze, almost positive that Kaa was going to pull away Yumichika's mask so that they could kiss.

At that deep moment of eye contact, Kaa cleared his throat and looked away in shame. His hand slipped out of Yumichika's and went to the back of his neck, scratching compulsively. Yumichika looked confused, searching for that handhold again, but not finding it. Kaa shied away from him, looking at the floor.

"Ya' gonna' be okay here?" Kaa asked tensely, seeming to hate every word coming out of his mouth. It sounded as if he knew he was about to hurt Yumichika and felt bad about it.

"What do you mean?" Yumichika asked, so devastated and hurt that Ikkaku felt like screaming.

"I mean, without me," Kaa added, swallowing like he was about to throw up, looking the other way and rubbing his upper arm.

"You're not staying?" Yumichika asked in a raspy pleading tone, looking at Kaa like he didn't understand why he was doing this. Ikkaku just watched on in disbelief, knowing fully well that Kaa didn't have to leave, and that he was doing something selfless for Yumichika's own good.

Kaa swallowed, not backing down. "I have t-" he cut off, putting his head in his hands for a minute, before taking a brave breath, seeming to be trying to fix his expression and his attitude so that it would be believable. "I'm gonna' listen this time, okay? I heard what you said… what you asked me, and you're right." He looked up to Yumichika with watery eyes, smiling sunnily. "It's time I let you go now…"

Ikkaku was truly stunned, realizing that his words in the park had finally gotten through to the guy. He really was trying to make Yumichika the center of his life, putting his happiness at the parapet of importance, even at the sacrifice of his own. Kaa obviously wasn't prepared for it, and Yumichika even less so.

Yumichika shook his head, horrified, lips ghosting the words 'no'. Kaa nodded 'yes' and looked in his eyes, choked up, but still smiling. "I've decided that I want you to have your dreams, even if I'm not part of them… Please, be happy… because you're pretty when you smile."

Kaa took both of Ikkaku's hands and brought them to Yumichika's, holding them together for a minute, smile fading. Then he stood, touching Yumichika's hair for just an instant, backing off so quick that it was as if he'd been burned. "Goodbye, Princess. I… I wish you all the best… _really._"

He looked away from Yumichika as if he wasn't in the room anymore. "Here," he said, dark mood lifting as he wormed in his pocket and handed something to Ikkaku.

Ikkaku let out a stunned breath, opening up the paper roll. Inside was Yumichika's phone, and as Ikkaku unwrapped it, marveling that it had been unharmed in the fire, he noticed what was written on the inside of the paper. '_Keep him warm for me.'_

With that, Kaa turned his back, and with a shuddery exhale, he stepped away from the bed. Yumichika gasped and reached out a hand for him, but he was already gone, heading down the long hallway, visible through a window in the door. Kaa didn't look back.

Yumichika lay back in shock, staring at the ceiling, the vision of Kaa's retreating shoulders replaying over and over like it had every time he'd ever left him before, and this time he knew in his heart that it would be the last.


	21. Chapter 21

"Alright, we're here. Open your eyes," Renji said with a grin, nudging Ichigo, who had kindly allowed him to drive him around in his precious car, which was looking great and super-shiny. Ichigo had actually hugged his dad when he'd found out about his birthday present, which of course prompted him to punch Isshin when he got too mushy in reciprocating.

"Okay," Ichigo replied with a small smile, looking out the window. "That one?" he asked. It looked like a normal one-floor house that was a step away from a mobile home, but it was nicer than where they were living now, and it was under their budget, so…

"No, _that_ one," Renji said, rolling down the window a little and pointing to the house next door, which was admittedly a lot bigger, but looked veritably abandoned. Ichigo immediately gave an exasperated sigh and a cynical 'of course it couldn't be the nice one.'

"Are you serious?" Ichigo asked honestly, sarcasm fading away as he looked to Renji. Renji nodded, so Ichigo let it drop, giving his boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Renji moved the car closer in front of the house and parked on the edge of the yard, getting out with a huge grin. He looked back to Ichigo, who was still hesitantly sitting in the car, looking at the place like it was haunted. This was a nice neighborhood, and this house - although it was white - seemed a lot less cheery in comparison to the others on the block.

Renji was visibly excited, as if he'd come here before by himself many times and was eager to show Ichigo that this was an awesome find. Ichigo was skeptical, but he didn't kill Renji's enthusiasm just yet, letting Renji drag him through the yard, which was thick with field grass and moths. He almost tripped a couple times on hidden rocks and scrap metal; it seemed like there was an entire car buried here or something. Renji pulled him around the side of the house and showed him a bunch of things, still staring at the house like it was his first-born child or something.

Ichigo smiled. Renji had always loved to fix things, and ever since he'd accepted that internship, he'd been a little mopey, because it wasn't exactly what he'd wanted to do, which was to work in an auto-body shop. Instead, for higher pay, he was going to have more of an office-job for a while, at least until they were financially stable. Fixing up a house would be the next-best thing now that his dream was being put on hold. Ichigo understood that, so he didn't immediately start dissing the house, which was in pretty bad shape.

Other than that, Renji had been pretty happy lately, overly bubbly and attentive as if he was trying to make up for something or just keep him in a good mood. It made Ichigo feel sort of guilty, realizing that his stress-rage had been dragging Renji down with him, but more than ever he was grateful that they really had made it out of the dark times, which admittedly had been mostly his fault. Things were going back to how they'd been in high school, maybe even better than that. The other day they'd seriously had a full-out fistfight over a chicken nugget in front of their friends and they'd all asked why the two of them were in such a good mood.

Renji had really missed this, and Ichigo had too, not having realized that it was gone until it was back. They'd made a three-sixty flip back into their normal bickering and insanely competitive bets, and it felt _so great_. They argued over what to eat, threw stuff at each other from across the room, and they shouted at each other for little things, even just to change the channel, but along with it, Renji kissed him more, Ichigo let things slide more often, and the biggest change was the things they said.

It was funny how three little words can change everything, but they really did seem like magic. Rather than just saying them once in a blue moon, Ichigo found himself telling Renji that he loved him more in a week than he had in the past year. Of course, this was coupled with swatting him upside the head and calling him a 'dipshit'.

That big fight really seemed to have been just what they'd needed, as bad as it sounded. Whenever Ichigo started to actually get ticked, that horrible bruise on Renji's face would serve as a reminder that he couldn't control everything. Seriously, Ichigo felt like kicking himself in the balls every time he looked at Renji's face. He'd hit him _really_ hard, hard enough that it had broken the skin. The bruise left behind was dark purple and even _red_ in some areas.

Renji wore a bandaid on it and when he was asked about it, he just morbidly told everybody that he'd killed a man. Ichigo always just rolled his eyes, imagined Shirosaki with his head on a spear, shifted his weight guiltily, and then held Renji's hand for a while in an attempt to make up for it.

Renji didn't seem to hold any sort of grudge over the punch-wound, not even mentioning it once or ever complaining that it hurt, even though it obviously did. What concerned Ichigo was that they hadn't discussed Renji's spontaneous proposal or any sort of plans regarding marriage or when it was going to happen, or even if it had been serious. Ichigo thought about that sometimes, but supposed it was okay for them to wait for a while until they had some money saved up for a nice ceremony. It would be better to see if this peace was going to last, and Ichigo really thought that it would. He was happy this way. It had been so long since he'd been freely happy like this and it felt really good.

The nightmares about Shirosaki had immediately disappeared, so abruptly that it really was as if Renji had killed the guy. His sleep was no longer haunted by the pale-faced demon, but he'd still had a couple bad dreams about being abandoned and had promptly woken up and freaked out every time Renji had gotten up during the night and left the bed empty while he was going to the bathroom. Renji hadn't had any nightmares or late-night hunger-attacks since his STD check-up, and Ichigo was hoping it would last. Maybe Renji really had realized that their lives had reached a turning point now that he was getting a new job. Maybe that was what had made Renji come back: he'd decided that now that their affairs were in order and the craziness had the potential to settle down, it was a good time for them to get hitched. Everything was 'bazoobs', as Renji put it.

The best thing was that Ichigo could finally _breathe. _He was starting to notice that he was smiling more than usual and that he wasn't saying 'no' to Renji as often, as if that little piece of advice to let things go had really gotten through to him. Besides that, he was feeling a lot more capable now that Renji was making him get ten hours of sleep without exception, and he was waking up feeling alert again, which made sense, because stress and sleep deprivation were actually serious health risks. It gave him a serious boost to his patience reservoirs, which helped him with basically everything else.

It wasn't as if Renji wasn't eager to be helpful either. Ichigo found himself asking Renji to do little things multiple times per day, like getting him juice, or balancing the checkbook, or even just bringing him a blanket, which shouldn't feel so odd, but it _did_, because Ichigo usually did everything by himself. Renji offered help a lot too – without using the word 'help', of course – and he always came through and finished whatever he'd charged himself with, letting Ichigo know when he'd taken care of something. Ichigo was still getting used to abandoning stressful activities whenever Renji swooped in and said 'Here baby, let me', but he supposed it wasn't a_bad_ thing, right? It still felt weird to look up and say 'Hey babe, I want you to-', but Renji never complained. In fact, he seemed _happy_ that Ichigo was really trying to change his ways.

Renji had been like an enthusiastic puppy, fully enjoying the fact that Ichigo was giving him those little looks of love again and letting him handle more stuff. It wasn't like they were settling into 'traditional roles', but Ichigo had relinquished his grip on being the only one to handle their finances and keeping the house nice. They shared things more equally now, and had been focusing most of their free time on house hunting. Ichigo didn't really like doing it, because it basically entailed just looking at a bunch of empty rooms and talking about money all the time. Money had been at the root of his worries, after all, but besides that, he had a hard time with imagining where their stuff would go and what each room would be for, but Renji was having fun with it, so Ichigo came along and suffered through it.

They'd gone to see a house out in the sticks, which was strange, because Ichigo was used to having neighbors that were within throwing distance. He liked the idea of having a yard and not having to be bothered with keeping quiet, but all the same, he didn't know if he wanted to live there for the rest of his life. He realized that it was stupid to treat the house like he was going to be stuck there forever, but still. Renji didn't seem to know if he wanted to move away from the city either, but both of them had given the place a chance. It was pretty nice, but they would feel weird inviting people over, making them come so far out of their way just to see them.

Most of the other places they'd seen were one-story high, and were dinky little buildings with low ceilings and scarcely more space than a trailer. They were only two people, but still, it seemed pretty crowded. What if they needed to put up one of their friends for the night? What if they had a party? Renji seemed frustrated that he couldn't find anyplace nicer, but he seemed to be having fun looking. He'd been the one who'd been looking for the houses and bringing Ichigo there to see if they liked them, and Ichigo was fine with letting him handle it, because there was no hurry, right?

The one that Ichigo had liked had been white, on a shaded road that wasn't too busy or far from the college, and it had two floors, although it was squished so close between the neighboring buildings that there was probably only room for garbage cans and bikes. Their cars would have to be parked on the street, because there was no garage or driveway. There was already a washer, a dryer, and a dishwasher inside the house, and that was pretty good, if you asked Ichigo. Renji didn't want to settle for that one, but they'd put it on their 'maybe' list.

Ichigo had told Renji about a few nice apartments that he'd seen for a nice price, but Renji had shook his head and replied that he didn't want to rent anything anymore. Ichigo conceded that, _fine, _they could get an actual piece of property, even if it was pretty hard to find a nice one.

He could see on Renji's face that he was imagining them living in each house, trying to picture how things would look and what they could do together to fix it up nice. Ichigo couldn't get quite as enthusiastic about it as Renji, and mostly listened when Renji talked about what they should do, which walls they could repaint, and how they could rearrange stuff.

All that being said, Ichigo didn't know if he wanted to move in _here _to this _dump._

The place they were parked in front of now was available for a modest price, which was surprising given the size. This place was_huge_, but that was basically the only thing that impressed Ichigo here, because it was really busted up. There were two stories and a basement, a large yard space in front and behind, and no porch, but Ichigo could see Renji envisioning it fixed up. The grass in the front yard was thigh-length, there was a mattress leaning against the side of the house, there was no garage, and when they actually went inside, Ichigo bit his tongue to shut himself up.

There were some broken windows, the basement looked like a prison, and there were some leaking pipes on the second floor, along with exposed wires and crumbling plaster. Every single wall was the same yellowed-cream color, and the carpet was the same throughout the whole house, except for one room with dark green shag carpet. The kitchen was tiled, and there was a stove and an ancient fridge, but the cupboards had been taken, which was evident by the clear spots on the wallpaper. The room next door was presumably a dining room, and that one had hardwood floors.

There were a lot of small rooms without doors that were probably meant to be closets or bathrooms, but either way, it was pretty pitiful and far from habitable. The few pieces of furniture from their apartment that they actually owned would hardly fill up a room. There was a _lot_ to work on, but Ichigo still kept his mouth shut, listening to Renji go on about what they could do with each room and which walls they could tear down so that the hallways made more sense.

The more Ichigo listened, the more he realized that he wasn't looking at the same house as Renji. He didn't see the house itself, but the house's _potential. _Ichigo looked up to Renji, watching him emote and rave about how they could have barbecues in the back-yard or a huge trampoline, and for a second it was as if they'd just gotten together yesterday, their love completely new. Ichigo fought off a grin, turning into a grimace when Renji flipped a light switch, causing it to short out. At least the place didn't have cockroaches.

Ichigo let Renji sling his arm around his shoulder, going out to stand by their car to see it from a distance again.

"So, what do you think?" Renji asked, looking down to Ichigo, who was silent for a moment with disgust.

"It's _horrible_," Ichigo said sourly, staring at it. Renji didn't say anything, looking to him in disappointment, wondering if he could convince him to at least _consider _it. Ichigo looked back up to him, mouth just talking on its own again. "Let's get it."

Renji grinned, laughing a little bit; that had really surprised him. Maybe things really had changed for the better. Ichigo had gotten so much easier going immediately following quitting his job and cutting back on the amount of classes he took per semester. Renji kissed Ichigo with a smile, crunching their noses together. They looked at the house for a couple more minutes, walking back through it again, making a list of what they would fix first.

Renji made a little floor map of all the rooms, walls, and doorways, marking which ones they could resize and change. Ichigo just nodded and pointed out that the basement needed a lot of work too, wondering aloud if it would flood or anything. Renji erased something and hummed, giving Ichigo a paper for the basement floor, which he'd forgotten in his map. Ichigo also mentioned that they should focus on insulating one room first, so that they'd at least have one warm room this winter to sleep in.

The yard stretched around the left side of the house, and Renji drew a little house map on another sheet of paper, marking off a square area for where a garage could go, and then an area of concrete where they could park their cars. The way he arranged it, they wouldn't even have to get rid of the two apple trees in the yard, which he drew a fence for. "Good?"

"Looks expensive," Ichigo commented. Renji just grinned and told him he was dreaming too small.

They'd need to take out a big loan, and they would probably have to spend nearly every penny they could spare on repairing the house enough that it was habitable. They'd already spent all their extra cash on their vacation and helping Ikkaku out with getting him some cheap clothes and toiletries. They might not even be able to buy furniture for a while, but they didn't see that as such a problem. The general rule of house hunting was to get as much space you could for as little money as possible, and then worry about renovations. By the time they were done fixing it up, they'd probably hike up the worth of the property quite a bit, although they'd probably drive their neighbors nuts by constantly working on the place. They'd have to stretch out their projects over quite a few years, because there was no way they could afford to fix everything at once.

Honestly, Ichigo was sort of looking forward to working on it. He had a thing for watching Renji using power tools, and he liked the idea of sitting around on crates, drinking pop, watching a tiny tv from a thrift store that only played tapes. They could spend all their time together doing laundry, pulling up the carpet, reinsulating walls and playing cards in the dark. It would be fun; They'd work on the roof and paint the walls and just be _kids _for a while, kids still in college, still young people that had time to be comfortable later. Most of all, Ichigo liked the idea of them living here and staying together long term. He hoped no one had bought this piece of shit of a house before them, but Renji had mentioned something about it being empty for a while, so there wasn't a big risk.

When they went home, Renji called the homeowner again and told them that they'd decided. Ichigo grinned from where he was laying on the couch, already thinking about putting some of their stuff in boxes. Maybe later he'd make some baked goods for their landlady as a thank-you gift and a goodbye.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Hm? Nothin'," Ichigo said with a grin, turning back to the TV which wasn't actually on, which was probably the reason for Renji's concern. "Just happy," he mumbled, closing his eyes for a little while.

"Good…" Ichigo looked up for a minute, but Renji had already turned around to do something else, hiding his expression. "Okay, well I'm gonna' go get a pizza. Ya' wanna' pick what goes on it?"

"Hm… here, I'll write it down." Ichigo got up and pulled a sticky note off the fridge, writing down a few things. Renji noticed that there was dirt under Ichigo's fingernails, which were a little longer than normal. This was very strange because Ichigo kept his hands in immaculate condition because of frequent hand-washing and glove-use at work.

"What the fuck?" Renji mumbled, wondering if they'd gotten dirty when they were helping Ikkaku salvage anything in his apartment that hadn't gotten burnt to a crisp. It didn't look like ash, though. It was just dirt that came with not washing your hands for a while. Renji's eyebrows crinkled as he leaned forward to take a closer look at Ichigo's hand, which was still writing on the little slip of paper.

"What? You don't have to get it on _your _half, you baby," Ichigo pouted, thinking he was talking about the pizza toppings he'd chosen. Renji just shook his head and griped back that he should shut up. Ichigo blew a raspberry and slapped the paper list against Renji's chest.

"You're a pain in the ass."

"Oh yeah?" Renji grinned, mouth twisting sideways as Ichigo walked past him. He reached out and pinched his butt, before booking it out of the house. Ichigo ran after him and opened the door, shouting down the stairwell that he'd forgotten his wallet. Renji looked up just in time for the wallet to hit him in the face. Ichigo's resounding laughter was enough to block out the pain in his nose.

He grinned all the way to Hungry Howie's, still just thinking about how Ichigo had that habit of religiously washing his hands, but it seemed like he'd suddenly stopped or something.

When he came back with the pizza and some chicken wings that he'd decided to buy at the last minute, Ichigo was cutting fruit on the counter, and had set a couple bags of chips and cans of soda on the coffee table. They were quiet for a while as they watched the science channel, but that was only because they were too busy eating. When they got pizza, they had this rule about not having to divide it evenly, so that meant if they ate faster, they might get more than half the pizza for themselves.

Renji burped, flopping down across Ichigo's lap, which was a bad idea, because Ichigo had his paper plate resting there. Luckily, he was alert enough that he'd picked it up in time for his head to slam down against his legs and not into his food.

"Geev'," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes as he chewed, jokingly putting the plate back on Renji's face. Renji moved it down to his chest, letting Ichigo feed him some chips and eat over the top of him, which was okay, because Ichigo was a clean eater who didn't drop many crumbs. To Renji's pleased surprise, Ichigo ate some chicken wings, which he usually didn't do because he didn't like having greasy hands. It made sense when Ichigo started using those wet-nap things and was wiping his fingers off, putting the seat recliner up.

Renji hummed and got more comfortable against Ichigo's body. He seemed to have a little more meat on him now, and Renji jokingly suggested that he was turning into a marshmallow, mock-biting his stomach. Ichigo just put a cushion over Renji's face and turned the TV volume up.

"Okay, okay," Renji whined, quieting down, turning onto his side towards the TV, pleased when Ichigo dried his hands and then pulled his hair tie and bandanna out, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on his scalp. Renji immediately went limp and still, eager to enjoy the rare treat for as long as Ichigo would do it for. Renji burped again to Ichigo's distaste, and Renji mumbled that he needed to renew his gym membership and get a haircut.

Renji poked at his own stomach, frowning miserably at how soft his gut had gotten. Ichigo just shoved him a little before going back to combing out his hair.

"After we move, maybe," Ichigo said back quietly, squeezing and pressing on Renji's head in different spots, rubbing his furrowed brow until it relaxed. He jokingly tickled Renji's nose with a piece of his red hair, going back to combing it soothingly with his fingers. "How 'bout after the holidays?"

"Dude," Renji said flatly, "The holidays are literally in like half a year. I have to be chubby for half a year?"

"We'll probably be taking a break from working on the house in the winter, so we'll have time to crack down on exercising after eating all that holiday shit," Ichigo said, and Renji smiled a little, back to thinking about the house. He hoped that purchasing it and moving in went smoothly. He was really excited. By the time Christmas came, they'd have their own home and would be starting the new year there. Perhaps it was better to start going to the gym after Thanksgiving and all those holiday meals. Then he wouldn't feel guilty about eating so much while visiting with Ichigo's family. Of course, that meant he'd have to work off all those extra calories.

"I'm gonna' be even _worse_ by the time we go to the gym? What kind of plan is that?!"

"I mean, we should still work out and stuff, but don't get a gym membership when you know we're going to be focusing on other things."

"Okay, fine," Renji mumbled, closing his eyes, listening to Mythbusters. Ichigo had gone on to petting his head, which was rising on Ichigo's stomach with each of his breaths. "Mm," Renji sighed, leaning back into it, looking up at Ichigo, who he was surprised to see had been watching him instead of the TV. "You smell good."

"Shut up," Ichigo said, leaning forward to grab his pop off the coffee table, sandwiching Renji's head between his chest and legs in the process. "Ah geez," he said in complaint, struggling to reach it without getting up, which forced him to stretch his legs pretty far because the recliner was still up.

"Love you, sweetie pie," Renji said, voice muffled from the chips he'd just stuffed in his mouth.

"I said shut up, or I'll bake _you_ into a pie."

"Oh, sweet! Let's watch Sweeney Todd!" Renji shouted, sitting up. Ichigo just grabbed his hair gently and pulled him back down with a grumble.

"Nah, just stay here. I wanna' see if you can really save gas on sixth gear," Ichigo complained, watching the TV intently. Renji huffed, reminding Ichigo that his car was an automatic anyways. "So what?"

"So nothing," he said lightly, getting comfortable on his boyfriend's lap again, enjoying the gentle scalp massage and the fingers combing out his hair. His neck was tingling like crazy and his bones turned to butter when Ichigo scratched lightly around his hair line and at the nape of his neck. He let out a low noise, eyes fluttering shut. He made an effort to stay as still as possible, hoping that if he was motionless, Ichigo might do this for longer. "I wonder what Ikkaku's doing."

"Tch'. He's at Yumichika's place," Ichigo said with an amused lilt to his voice. "He's more than fine."

"Heh', yeah," Renji said with a grin, kissing Ichigo's fingers when they ran over his face to catch some stray hairs. "Still… I just wonder about that fire, sometimes."

"We watched the news report, remember? They had footage of the central furnace. It just exploded, right? That's all."

"I guess so," Renji said, brow furrowing. Ichigo rubbed on it, but Renji didn't let up, looking up to him. "It's just creepy that Kaa was lurking around in time to get Yumichika like that."

"It's cause' he's _weird," _Ichigo insisted, and Renji made a humming sound to show that he agreed. Ichigo had liked Kaa a lot in the past, but he'd been really suspicious of him since Ikkaku and Yumichika had started dating, so if _Ichigo_ didn't think that Kaa had something to do with the fire, then he probably didn't.

"I'm gonna' say what we're both thinking… What if he did it?"

"He couldn't have started the fire, if that's what you mean. Ikkaku said that Kaa looked like he was gonna' have a heart attack when he saw how bad Yumichika had gotten hurt."

"Well that's true," Renji mumbled, still bearing a grudge against the guy. "But what if he did it, but he just didn't mean for it to get so out of hand? Maybe it was an accident for it to spread to the whole building?"

"He didn't start that fire. You're just biased against him," Ichigo said calmly, one hundred percent sure. "They ruled out arson. We're just lucky that Kaa's been such a freaky stalker lately. It's just him being a weirdo, nothing else."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't think he's that kind of person," Renji said with a sigh. "He's a self-centered asshole and his thought processes are really convoluted, but he wouldn't try to kill people. Especially not Yumichika."

"Right. I wouldn't put it past him to come up with some twisted plan to put Yumichika in danger so he could rescue him, but he would never put Yumichika in _real _danger. He did _not_ start that fire. Seriously, he jumped like a foot in the air that one time we went to that restaurant with them and there was a chef flambéing something from across the room. He's not an arsonist, he's just a weirdo, okay?"

"He was never like this before. Everyone loves him, you know, but lately he's finally showing what a messed-up guy he is. Why do you think everyone liked him in the first place?... I mean, you guys all liked him, don't try to lie, but I always get this weird creepy feeling when I'm around him, even before all this happened."

"You liked him too."

"I know, but... I still felt like everything that came out of his mouth was borderline insensitive or inappropriate. It's easy to see that he's strange now. My gut wasn't wrong. He was a freak all along."

Ichigo shook his head, defending the old Kaa that he'd liked. "No, he wasn't. Yumichika _left_ him. Heartache does messed up shit to people." Renji thought of Ichigo breaking down in tears after he'd left, and then nodded solemnly.

"The guy's not an arsonist, he's just _weird,"_ Ichigo said again_._

"Yeah, I guess having lava-hair doesn't equate him with being a pyromaniac," Renji supposed, still not sure if he liked the guy, even if it had all been a bad case of him lurking at the scene at the right time to swoop in and help. He may not have started the fire, but he was still a creep who had done bad things in the past. In Renji's eyes, this didn't completely redeem him.

"Right. Just like you. Remember when we were younger and I gave you a sparkler and you seriously almost cried?"

"Hey now," Renji growled, swatting Ichigo a little when he tugged on his hair teasingly. "I just wonder how Yumichika's holding up. He didn't look so good when we went to see him."

"I'll call Ikkaku tomorrow and ask how he's doing if you want," Ichigo offered, opening his mouth so Renji could feed him a pretzel. "I'm sure he'll get over it." Renji stayed quiet for a second, but the question he didn't ask still hung in the air.

'_Will he, though? And will Kaa?'_

"Ikkaku'll take care of him."

"How?" Renji asked lightly, looking to Ichigo.

"Let's face it, Ikkaku's a yutz. He's going to be takin' his little niece in, and he has nowhere to go right now. Yumichika's obviously going to let him stay over at his place until Ikkaku gets another room or his apartment gets rebuilt, and by being in close contact, they'll just take care of each other. It's fine."

"I hope everything works out."

"Me too."

"Hey, they should come camping with us this year," Renji suggested. Ichigo nodded absently, watching the TV. Renji grinned, thinking of all the plans they'd made to do fun things this year. Everything would go back to normal, what with them going places together and just hanging out. Renji then made a miserable noise, holding his gut. "I think I ate too much again. I really wish you would stop me. I'm seriously getting chubby."

"More of you to love," Ichigo said roughly, resolutely looking in the other direction. Renji paused for a moment, heart melting. Rather than making an 'aw' noise at Ichigo's rare show of affection, Renji just whined in despair, pinching his belly fat.

"You think it's fine now, but just wait until you realize your boyfriend's turning into a whale!"

Ichigo made an exasperated annoyed noise, giving Renji a look as if to say he was talking nonsense. Renji kept moping and squeezing his gut, making sickie noises. Rather than slapping him and demanding he stop with the drama queen routine, Ichigo just petted his head and pulled Renji's shirt down over his stomach so he'd stop fidgeting with it.

"My stomach hurts," Renji repeated blandly, frowning and trying to look down at it again, but Ichigo just held his shirt down, saying that if he'd quit jabbing at it, then the pain might go away.

"Want some Pepto?" Ichigo offered, pinching Renji's nose, which still was a little sore after that run-in with his wallet. His thumb brushed gently over his cheek bruise, and Ichigo leaned down and kissed it, moving back to Renji's lips for a few seconds, kissing softly. "Hm?" he asked again when he didn't answer.

"Nope. I just need some more pop," Renji said, sitting up begrudgingly, wary that Ichigo would take the opportunity to get up and then his nice pillow would be gone.

"_More_ pop?" Ichigo asked skeptically. Renji nodded, downing the rest of a two-liter. "You're never gonna' get to slee-"

Renji burped pretty loud, actually coughing a little afterwards. "Wow, see? I feel so much better." Ichigo gave a long-suffering sigh, shaking his head, mumbling that he was so glad he'd never joined a fraternity. "Sit back down, I want my pillow back," Renji whined, lying back down in Ichigo's lap.

"Okay, just quit moving your head around. You're digging it into my crotch, and it hurts," Ichigo complained. Renji insisted that he just had to find a comfortable spot. Ichigo slouched back into the couch and pulled his shirt down, making a flat space that Renji immediately took. They watched TV for another half an hour, not talking much.

When they went to sleep that night, Renji realized why Ichigo hadn't been washing his hands when he saw that the little marker-ring he'd drawn was still in perfect condition.

"_I got the part!"_ Yumichika screamed, rolling over and kicking his legs excitedly, getting himself tangled in his blankets as he just stared at his phone screen, which had gone black after his conversation had ended.

He sat up in his bed and walked out into the hall, knocking on the bathroom door. "I got the part, Ikkaku!" he repeated, knowing that Ikkaku had likely heard him the first time.

"Sweet! Good job!" Ikkaku called from the shower. "Aah, geez, it's so cold," he whined. Yumichika beamed, hands over his chest, clutching his phone to his heart as he pressed his ear to the bathroom door. He was so happy that he could hardly stand still.

"I said _right_ is warm and left is cold, remember?"

"Yeah, but it's not working," Ikkaku griped, teeth obviously chattering. "Why don't you come in here and help me?" he joked.

"Pssh, yeah right." Yumichika just rolled his eyes and walked out into his front room. It was good to be home, as much as he'd enjoyed staying at Ikkaku's house. The place had charm, even though the water temperature and the TV reception was admittedly sensitive to changes in the weather. He also felt very peaceful here, since this had been the place he'd chosen when he'd finally moved out from living with Kaa. It felt empowering to be here.

Yumichika was excited that he finally was free from that horrible grocery-store job. He didn't want to call and quit just yet, wanting to make sure his new job opportunity was a sure thing beforehand, but still, he was _so close_ to finally getting what he'd dreamed of. This was that proverbial opportunity that supposedly would open every other door he'd ever need to go through.

He had been staying home and recovering over the past few days, with Ikkaku there to remind him of when to take his eyedrops and when to use his inhaler. His coughing had stopped, but his throat was still sore, which gave him a raspy tone to his voice. His eyes felt so much better, and the only thing left that needed to heal was his heart; Yumichika was starting to feel like it was okay if it never did heal. Maybe he could live a viable life with it constantly bleeding.

It hurt. Yumichika admitted it; it stung like hell. He felt like everything that Kaa had ever done had compiled itself and hit him in the face. He wouldn't have the last say this time. His mind wouldn't have the same closure that it had had before when he'd broken things off with Kaa in the grocery store and made up his mind that this was the end.

No, Kaa had rescued him and Yumichika had started to remember the good times they'd had, the past years in which Kaa had treated him well and loved him. It made Yumichika want to keep him in his life, to consider being with him again, to consider waiting for just a little longer. Kaa just _had _to go and be selfless, which Yumichika hadn't counted on. Kaa had made him change his mind, but had left him, and now Yumichika would forever wonder, would forever feel like Kaa was 'the one that got away', that maybe if he'd given him one more chance, things would have changed for the better like he'd always hoped. It absolutely _sucked._

Yumichika hadn't cried when Kaa left, of course. He was far too used to this heartache of being left by now, even if this was more intense than he'd ever had to bear before. He kept it together for Ikkaku's sake, but when he'd finally been left alone, he'd allowed himself a few silent tears. It hurt, it hurt so badly, even though he had feelings for Ikkaku now. Kaa had been his only love for a long time, and of course it would hurt to have him taken away after such a long messy string of staying and waiting.

Yumichika knew that Ikkaku knew that he was depressed, because if he moped too conspicuously, Ikkaku - when he thought Yumichika wasn't paying attention - would get this crushed, hopeless, concerned look on his face, as if he knew the pain he was going through but didn't know how to begin to heal it. Yumichika had even less of an idea, but he tried to keep it under to help Ikkaku out. It wasn't the poor guy's fault that any of this had happened.

Whenever horrible dark thoughts descended upon him like that, he just took a moment to thank the universe that they'd all survived this. They were all _alive_, Ikkaku and Kaa hadn't been hurt, and _Haruki had lived too._ Yumichika had been so worried when they'd come back to his apartment and he'd finally realized that he never found out what had become of his pet. Apparently, Kaa had taken it upon himself to take her home and leave her in Yumichika's rooms. It had felt so good to see her run up to them when they opened the door. Yumichika felt like that had helped him heal a little bit, like a bandaid over a cut that obviously needed stitches.

He was starting to believe that no matter how much he liked Ikkaku, no matter how fond he became of him, some little piece of him would always be waiting for Kaa, always holding the most secret place in his heart for him. It didn't seem fair to Ikkaku, and Yumichika wanted this pain to go away so badly, but he just couldn't help how he felt. That lingering question would always be there, and Yumichika would always wonder whether he could go back to Kaa or if things could've been different. He would always have this tiny hope, and a small part of him would always be holding out. What would Ikkaku do if he knew that Yumichika might never be able to love him like he should?

Worse than ever, Yumichika wondered about his career. Would Kaa have been happy for him if he had known? Would he have cheered and been excited? Would he have spun him in a circle and said that he'd _known_ he could do it? With each new accomplishment and success, he wouldn't be able to tell Kaa or feel whether he would've been proud of him. His goals seemed stupid and worthless suddenly without that recognition, even though Ikkaku was supporting him so well. He'd wanted this so badly, and now he was finally following his dream, but it just didn't feel as sweet anymore… like some part of his victory was absent. Yumichika just felt lost.

He realized that all this negative thinking had caused his throat to close up and his hands to clench up into fists. He began to cough when his throat started itching, which drove the tears from his eyes. He quickly wiped his face and whined when the coughing hurt his sore throat. He frowned harshly; he would _not_ fall to pieces with Ikkaku here.

He did have feelings for Ikkaku, after all. Ikkaku had _cried_ for him. Ikkaku had thought he was dead, and he'd been so worried and distraught that he'd actually _cried_. Ikkaku really did love him, and that had to count for something. Even though all Yumichika wanted was his old lover, he did still care for Ikkaku and want to be with him. It just hurt at the moment, and Yumichika knew better than to make rash decisions when he was sad, just as he never made promises when he was happy. No, he wouldn't leave or break things off with Ikkaku. He would wait this out and see if the pain would become easier to deal with.

Yumichika got up and wet his face in the kitchen sink, scrubbing under his eyes, only allowing himself one miserable moment before he pushed it off of his expression until his face revealed nothing. He refused to let Ikkaku be the victim of his emotional confusion. Ikkaku was a good man, and he didn't deserve to feel guilty just because Yumichika had fallen for the 'hero' routine. These new feelings and this weakness were nothing but the product of Kaa saving his life, right? They would probably go away if he waited. It was just a fluke. He didn't _owe_ Kaa anything, especially now that he'd left. Yumichika kept telling himself these things, but some part of him didn't believe any of it.

That had been a true sacrifice. Even though Kaa had been smiling and hadn't looked back once, Yumichika could feel that Kaa had done this because of his love for him, even though it hurt him tremendously. Even though Kaa had left him countless times before, not coming home or staying out with other people, this time it was for real. He'd made Yumichika cut his last tie to him, letting him break the one-sided commitment that he surely knew was there. Kaa had gone to let him have a new chance at life, a new chance for love, and a new chance to follow his dream, and it would be a terrible shame to waste that sacrifice. No, Yumichika would not seek him out. He would not go looking for him or beg him to come back. Kaa had rescued him to give him a new life, so Yumichika had better live it, or he'd just be plain wasteful.

Still, part of him hoped that in a few years that maybe he and Kaa might… just maybe…

When Yumichika saw his reflection in the sink faucet, he'd never hated it more. Look how pathetic he'd become, how needy. Kaa had been absent as much as Gin had for Rangiku. Kaa had cheated openly, he'd wandered, he'd brushed him off, and here Yumichika was, still crawling after him. He'd been strong for _years_, suffering through all of Kaa's tricks and games, and he'd never broken down, and look at him now. He was so stupid! How on earth could he endure all that, and now that it was all over, he _wanted_ that heartache and the bad treatment back? What was wrong with him?! Ikkaku had been so kind and understanding towards him, and look how he was treating his affections by yearning for another! Ikkaku was giving him everything, but Yumichika just couldn't find it in him to love him back when he was hurting so badly. What a horrible person he was.

Yumichika shut off the water and sat down in front of his coffee table, rifling through his mail. Right then, all he wanted was to quiet his mind. If he couldn't think anything nice, then he wouldn't think at all.

As if sensing his distress, Ikkaku came out of his bathroom, dripping wet. When Yumichika looked up, he saw that he'd put on the clothes he'd worn yesterday and the day before. Although the apartment building hadn't collapsed, Ikkaku's rooms had been badly damaged in the fire. All their new furniture had been destroyed, which was a real shame, but since Ikkaku had rented the place, the insurance was going to cover all of it. The only other things that had survived had been what was boxed up in that side room Ikkaku had never let Yumichika in.

Ikkaku was confused; the wires of his beliefs had completely crossed. He thought it was lucky that Yachiru was being given to him, because if the social worker hadn't called at that time, he wouldn't have left the house, and his sword may have perished in the fire as a result. At the same time, if he had stayed, maybe his apartment wouldn't have been destroyed, and he and Yumichika wouldn't have been separated; more importantly, Yumichika wouldn't have been put in danger. He was torn between relief that his sword was okay, and that Yumichika was alive. Yumichika had to admit, Ikkaku was more attentive than usual, as if he was still expecting him to curl up and croak from coughing too hard.

For now, Ikkaku couldn't go retrieve any of his destroyed things and was waiting for the wreckage to be cleared away, only able to take home all of his boxed-up undamaged items and store them in Yumichika's front room in a pile. He'd been at Yumichika's house for a few days now, and it was taking some getting used to. He felt overly-cautious being here, as if he was constantly on the edge of breaking something or intruding on Yumichika's personal space or his private belongings. Yumichika hadn't even let him _look_inside his bedroom, which was fine, but that boundary told Ikkaku that he was an outsider and wasn't exactly welcome here.

Ikkaku was pretty concerned about Yumichika, whose coughing had slowly ceased over the course of a week. He'd been depressed and distant, obviously missing Kaa. Ikkaku had been really worried that Yumichika might spiral to an absolute low and maybe even start self-harming, but his spirits were lifted now that he'd found out that Yumichika had definitely gotten that part. The poor guy had worked so hard on his lines, and he definitely deserved to be picked for this. Ikkaku was glad that this had happened, because it seemed like Yumichika's mood had brightened up now that he could focus on his career again. This was good, even if it would only distract him from his troubles for a little while.

Ikkaku was still trying to figure out just what he was going to do about Yachiru. She wasn't going to be handed over to him just yet, but still, he needed to plan ahead. What if he didn't have a solid plan for his living situation by then? She might be taken away for good. He had to get a place to live _fast_, even if it was only a motel room or something.

Besides that, if he and Yumichika were going to keep living together, he didn't know if CPS would allow him to take Yachiru. He didn't know about any of the adoption processes or their protective measures against kids, and he was starting to wonder if his relationship with Yumichika would interfere with him being able to have custody of her. Not just because they were in a homosexual relationship either, but because Yumichika had come into his life only recently and wasn't a family member.

Ikkaku thought about stuff like that a lot, and already he felt like his heart was being stretched apart. On one hand, he wanted to be loyal to Kenpachi's wishes and fulfill that duty - even if he didn't exactly want to take care of Yachiru full time - and on the other, he wanted to devote all his free time to getting to know Yumichika and to strengthen the trust between them. What if he couldn't do both?

Ikkaku shook it off, congratulating Yumichika again. If something horrible happened in the future, the least he could do was allow himself to enjoy the present.

"I'm so happy," Yumichika said with a smile, looking up to Ikkaku from where he was sitting on the floor. "Lucky, huh?"

"No," Ikkaku said bluntly, staring at Yumichika. "That's not luck. You got picked because you _deserved_ to be picked. You worked really hard for this. Don't just put the credit on luck," Ikkaku said with a laugh, seeing Yumichika grin in response. Then he told Yumichika that he was proud of him. For some reason, that caused the smile to flee Yumichika's face so fast that it was almost as if Ikkaku had slapped him.

As if he'd been slugged in the gut, Ikkaku realized that Yumichika only wanted that validation from Kaa right now. He buttoned his lips, busying himself with mixing a drink in the kitchen so that Yumichika could get himself together without being scrutinized.

Even though Yumichika hadn't brought up anything about Kaa or the fire, Ikkaku could _feel_ that they were skirting around it. He was itching to say something about it, but he knew Yumichika was in a fragile state. He didn't want to just come out and accuse Kaa – the man Yumichika was pining after – of setting fire to that building. He had a sick suspicion in his gut, but at the same time, he acknowledged that the feeling could just be jealousy making him jump to conclusions, so he kept his mouth shut. Some part of him was still whispering ominously that they hadn't seen the last of Kaa.

The guy had said 'keep him warm', as if to say that he should keep him warm until he got _back_. Ikkaku cringed. Hopefully they wouldn't have to deal with that for a good long while.

Yumichika watched a cooking show for about half an hour, getting a call from Rangiku while he sorted his mail. Ikkaku lazed around with him, watching a guy cut meat on the TV. He felt the need to touch Yumichika and make sure he was okay, to make sure he could feel that even though Kaa was gone, someone still loved him, so he'd been petting him and stroking his hair almost obsessively over the past few days. Of course, Yumichika greatly valued his personal space, so Ikkaku had learned to tone it down, just settling for sitting within arm's reach while he watched TV.

Ikkaku enjoyed listening to the tone of Yumichika's voice while he talked on the phone. He sounded genuinely happy again, and Ikkaku already missed it. He was beginning to give up hope that he could be the one to help Yumichika get out of his slump, because whenever he tried to comfort him, it just seemed to remind Yumichika that he wanted comfort from _Kaa._

Ikkaku was starting to wonder if it would ever be possible for Yumichika to love him back, but he wasn't going to let that chase him away. He wouldn't abandon Yumichika over that. Yumichika wouldn't become worthless or useless to him if he could never love him. No, Ikkaku still just wanted his time and his companionship, and it was okay if Yumichika could never love him half as much as he did Kaa. Maybe what Yumichika needed right now was a friend, and Ikkaku smiled a little as he listened to him chatter on the phone. It had only been a few days since Kaa's abrupt departure, anyways. He couldn't give up so quickly. It took a lot longer than a week to heal a broken heart, and Ikkaku could wait and keep trying until Yumichika felt better, even if it was only a little bit.

Yumichika kept answering Rangiku, holding the phone on his shoulder as he slit open another envelope, opening it up and taking out two cards. One was obviously a get-well card, and the other was really fancy, the meaning of it not immediately clear to Ikkaku. Yumichika started making little happy noises as he read it, explaining to Rangiku that 'yes, he saw it', whatever that meant. Ikkaku realized that the cards were from Rangiku, but what was that second one for?

"Oh my goodness, he asked you to marry him? Oh, I'm so happy for you," Yumichika said with a grin, showing Ikkaku the wedding invitation. Ikkaku looked confused, trying to listen in. He eventually climbed off the couch and crept closer slowly, so as not to alarm Yumichika when he got into his space bubble. When Yumichika didn't move away, offering his cheek, Ikkaku put his ear on the other side of the phone, saying 'hey' to Rangiku as she explained what had happened.

"Didn't you guys hear? Gin's favorite college professor died suddenly. It's been all over the news. It was a really gruesome murder. The funeral's in a week."

"_Again?_" Ikkaku asked skeptically. "Is this like that shit he pulled a few years ago for Halloween?"

"Nope. There's a coroner's report and everything."

"Oh dear, it happened at Renji and Ichigo's school? How horrible," Yumichika said sympathetically.

"No, no."

"Oh?" he questioned with a frown. Ikkaku just listened, noticing how close their bodies were because of them using the phone this way. He wanted so badly just to give Yumichika a hug, to try to show him all the love that could heal his heart if only he would let go. Maybe Yumichika needed to mourn, to cry or something until he felt better. Ikkaku didn't have any idea how to go about any of this stuff. He'd never had his heart broken before… Well, he had gotten a taste of what it's like when he thought that Yumichika had been dead, and the cure had been seeing him alive… That didn't really apply in Yumichika's case.

"No, it was a different college, where Gin went. It was the business school."

"Oh, I see," Yumichika said with a nod. "That's so horrible. Is he okay?"

"Pfft. He seems to be holding up well," Rangiku said with a little laugh. "I hadn't seen him in months, and then he just showed up at my dorm at four in the morning and asked me to let him in. I did, and then he told me about the death and then he proposed right there. I guess he's not the best at timing things."

"Oh my goodness, you have to tell me everything!"

Ikkaku laughed a little and got up, listening from the kitchen as Yumichika complimented Rangiku's color choice on the card and told her that she had to tell him exactly what had happened. Rangiku and Gin were getting married. Wow…

Ikkaku grinned a little, making a sandwich. Somewhere deep in his heart, he felt a little jealous. Ichimaru Gin was a sneak and a creep, but Ikkaku had to admit that the guy did love Rangiku. That might be his only redeeming characteristic. None of them really liked Ichimaru at all because of the obvious pain he put Rangiku through, but Ikkaku knew that somewhere in his twisted heart, Gin did care about Rangiku. The guy had always been focused on something else, constantly leaving Rangiku hanging or being out with other people doing questionable things. Maybe he'd finally seen the light and realized what a special woman Rangiku was. Maybe he'd taken care of some 'business' and now was finally free to settle down. Ikkaku was happy for them.

What he wasn't happy about was that he didn't know if Rangiku was the best example for Yumichika right now. The woman hadn't exactly _waited_ for Gin, but he was definitely the only person she'd ever considered getting serious with. She'd seen other people and had her fun while Gin was away, but Ikkaku knew that her heart was only for that one person. Ikkaku really hoped Yumichika didn't take this as a sign or something. Rangiku's suffering had paid off, but the situation wasn't the same with Yumichika and Kaa. Ikkaku knew he had to do something before it was too late, and he only had one idea that might fix everything.

Yachiru and he would have a place to live, he could keep an eye on Yumichika, they could stay together, and Kaa would be out of the picture for the foreseeable future. All he had to do was ask.

"Hey," he said, poking Yumichika, who gave him a look as if to say it was rude to bother someone who was obviously busy on the phone. Ikkaku ignored him and just kept talking. "Uh, when the house is fixed, um… I mean, we're a great team, and… I just thought we should, um…"

Yumichika was watching him and listening to Rangiku at the same time, letting Ikkaku stutter and turn red a couple times, trying to get the words out in the right order. "You should stay… I mean… like, live with me… all the time," Ikkaku ended awkwardly. "Uh, please."

Yumichika put Rangiku on hold, laughing exasperatedly. "That sounds great, but for the time being, I think I like my place better. The bed's much more cozy, don't you think?"

Ikkaku just blinked at him for a second, before getting up and grabbing his pillow and blankets and running back to Yumichika's bedroom. "Sweet!" He'd been sleeping on the living room floor until now, and that had been an invitation if ever he'd heard one.

Yumichika laughed a little bit, finishing his phone call with Rangiku. He could hear Ikkaku screwing around in his room, which was a little bare considering he'd had to cut back on his spending with his cashier's job. He hadn't wanted Ikkaku in there. _Kaa_ had never been in there either, and Yumichika had thought of that as his safe haven from everything. Then again, Ikkaku had invited him into his home and had allowed him to share his bed, so he couldn't exactly feel guiltless when he woke up and saw Ikkaku sleeping in a knot on the hardwood floor.

Yumichika gave a little smile, heart aching for Kaa, but it didn't take away from any of his care for Ikkaku. Ikkaku was a good man, really he was, and he was growing very attached to him. Kaa had saved his life, but what was that worth if he was feeling like shit? No, Ikkaku was here, trying so hard to help him move on, and that shouldn't be wasted.

Yumichika ended his conversation with Rangiku as he went and got some bags from his car, coming back in time to see Ikkaku looking for him.

"Hey, while we're talking about serious stuff, I think we should…" Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck, not knowing how to get the words out without hurting Yumichika's feelings.

"Do you think Kaa started the fire?" Yumichika asked calmly, stacking his bills as he looked Ikkaku in the eye.

"Do _you?_"

"No, but I thought that you might think badly of him," Yumichika said with a bitter tone, looking away. Ikkaku became impassioned then, trying to make Yumichika see how suspicious it was.

"But how else would he know about the building being on fire?"

"How did he know I was in that bathroom in the strip mall?" Yumichika retorted snippily. Ikkaku gave a rough sigh.

"I don't know, but you have to admit that it's-"

"It was probably just a coincidence?" Yumichika said with a hopeful tone, using Kaa's classic line, which made Ikkaku scoff and roll his eyes, mumbling 'as if.' Yumichika glared back. "If he had started that fire to purposefully save me, then why would he just... leave afterwards," Yumichika said, beginning to mope, shoulders slumping. Ikkaku could see that talking about this hadn't been a good idea.

"I mean… Maybe I just want to think it was him because I don't like him, but… I'm glad he was there to save you… I guess he probably didn't do it," Ikkaku mumbled apologetically.

Yumichika gave a dry sniff, getting it together, staring at Ikkaku coldly. "You saw him, right? He's got a different body type from yours; he's more of a track-runner/swimmer kind of guy, not bench-pressing or heavy lifting. He's not built for that, and you say he went and got me? He_ carried me out? _He couldn't do that unless he really thought I was going to die. He was… he was scared… for me," Yumichika trailed off, looking into the distance as it occurred to him that Kaa hadn't put himself first for once.

Ikkaku hadn't seen fit to tell him that Kaa had actually _climbed _the building to go get him, but Yumichika still knew that he'd been unconscious and that Kaa would've had to carry him out somehow, and either way, that had taken some adrenaline-driven strength. That had been brave.

"He couldn't have planned it, is my point," Yumichika mumbled, turning away.

"Okay, I'm sorry I said anything. I don't think he did it," Ikkaku said. "I owe him a debt now, anyways."

"Why?" Yumichika said, lost in his internal morass of sorrow once again.

"Because he saved my only love," Ikkaku said lowly. Yumichika looked at his hands and didn't reply. Ikkaku got up and left him alone for a while.

When Ikkaku came back into the front room after twenty minutes of deep thinking, he saw Yumichika fiddling with a shopping back and folding a little baby dress and some baby socks.

"Where'd you get those?" he said numbly, suddenly imagining embracing Yumichika while they were holding his baby niece. Out of the blue, it became really hard for him to swallow, because he didn't think he could stand it if he wouldn't get to live out that dream.

"I bought them. Do you think she'll look pretty in these? Are they the right size?" It was a red plaid dress with little straps on the top. It came with a pink onesie and pink socks, and all of them had little cherry decorations on them.

"She might grow out of it pretty quick," Ikkaku rasped, blinking a couple times as he slowly approached.

"That's okay. As long as she likes them, then it's fine," Yumichika mumbled, folding them up. Ikkaku was just breathless as he realized that by Yumichika allowing him to stay here, he was also letting _Yachiru_ stay here… and it seemed like he also accepted the fact that when he moved back in with Ikkaku, Yachiru would be there too. Yumichika was really willing to make that big of a sacrifice even though he was so broken and confused right now? That was a big thing in a relationship, to have to take care of a kid. Were they really gonna'… they were…

Ikkaku grinned, coming up to Yumichika where he was kneeling by the coffee table, sipping his wine, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, cuddling up to him. "Hey, I love you. You're pretty great."

Yumichika looked to him with a raised eyebrow. "I know," he said lightly, taking another sip of his wine.

"You little shit," Ikkaku said flatly, fighting off a smile. Yumichika just grinned and leaned forward, sliding a hand up the back of Ikkaku's neck, kissing his lips. Ikkaku gave a sigh and melted into his arms, holding Yumichika's face in his hands.

All of their struggles, all of this: Yumichika's heart pain, their debt, their strange living situation – all of it could be dealt with in time.

"I really do love you, you know. I know you feel all weird whenever I say it, but I just want you to know that I get that it hurts, and I understand if you feel like you won't be able to feel that way for me after what happened with him, and that's totally okay." Yumichika nodded. "That doesn't change the way I feel though. I still want your company, even if you can never let me all the way into your heart... I can wait."

Yumichika was quiet for a long while

"I hated working at that grocery store, and I really miss Kaa, but… I'm glad I met you," Yumichika said honestly, letting Ikkaku hug him close and pet his head. He really did feel love and comfort seeping into him, even though Ikkaku's embrace wasn't the same as Kaa's. This would be okay. He might not get over Kaa, but he could make room for another man in his heart. He could love that little girl and they could be a family together.

"Me too. _That_ was luck."

Yumichika just laughed.


End file.
